In short
How to speak and act without fear/anxiety by shifting from self-obsession to usefulness, building courage, and channeling masculine energy into competence, faith, and service. Also discusses confusion about gender roles, “opting out” among young men, and “looksmaxing” as a sometimes-healthy but vanity-prone focus on appearance.
Guest backgrounds
Zuby—Oxford-educated rapper, best-selling author, and independent thinker; outspoken about struggles of young men globally.
Key claims
People become anxious when they focus inward; usefulness beats happiness as a life North Star. It’s “wrong to voluntarily remain weak,” meaning strength/competence should serve others. Modern society has knocked out pillars like faith, family, purpose, and community, leaving young men directionless. Messaging about masculinity is contradictory, contributing to “quiet quitting”/low pursuit. Therapy and self-help can become overly inward; community and building are alternatives. Looks matter for first impressions, but obsession becomes vanity.
Notable examples
Statistics on young men’s suicide/drug overdoses and lack of close social connections; confusion over who pays on first dates; “parable of the talents” framing; business-owner courage examples (admitting cash-flow issues, asking if the team is strong enough).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOUnderstanding Male Struggles in Society
0:45 to 4:26
Zuby discusses the struggles young men face in today's society.
“My guest is Zuby, Oxford-educated rapper, best-selling author, and one of the most uncompromising independent thinkers alive.”
Confusion in Gender Roles and Expectations
4:26 to 8:42
The conversation shifts to confusion in gender roles and societal expectations.
“And most people do in various ways, but it's not as solid and as clear cut as I think it used to be.”
Economic Challenges for Today's Youth
8:42 to 14:00
Discussion on the economic challenges faced by today's young men.
“But if any woman would even have me, I can't even afford to have children.”
Challenging Societal Trends
14:00 to 15:00
Explore how individuals can defy societal norms and trends.
“north korea no matter how entrepreneurial or creative or whatever we are we probably no matter what can't achieve much.”
The Importance of Young Men's Motivation
15:00 to 17:00
Discuss the consequences of young men feeling excluded and unmotivated.
“And we see what happens when there are young men in the Middle East in a big way or any developing nation where they don't have ability for upward momentum and purpose.”
Moral Duty to Be Strong
17:00 to 17:40
Strength and competence are essential for individual and societal betterment.
“And as a result, the world is a worse off place than it would be if you didn't do that.”
Realizing Potential for the Greater Good
17:40 to 20:20
Explore the moral implications of fulfilling one's potential for society.
“You know, there's parts of the world where that's still the case.”
Exploring Looksmaxing
21:25 to 23:10
A discussion on the trend of maximizing physical attractiveness, especially among men.
“Which really takes us to the next subject I want to talk about, which is look maxing.”
Cultural Standards of Beauty
23:10 to 26:18
Analyze the evolving standards of beauty and its implications on genders.
“And rightly or wrongly, human beings are very visual.”
Understanding Gender Differences
26:18 to 28:06
Discuss the biological and social constructs of gender differences.
“But it's okay to recognize just the way that we're wired.”
Show all 21 chapters
Building Self-Respect and Competence
28:06 to 40:31
Learn how to regain self-respect through competence and outward focus.
“It's not meant to be coming from podcasters and social media influencers and people on TV.”
Building Self-Respect and Competence
40:34 to 40:51
Learn how to regain self-respect through competence and outward focus.
“It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks.”
Embracing Courage in Business
40:51 to 42:02
Understand the importance of courage in business decisions and facing challenges.
“Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18 plus.”
Facing Fear and External Pressures
42:46 to 46:33
Discover how to confront fears and manage expectations from loved ones.
“And then after a while, you keep lifting heavier and heavier and it seems the same way with your mind.”
Overcoming Doubts and Pursuing Passions
46:33 to 49:41
Explore Zuby's journey of pursuing his passions despite skepticism.
“Was there ever anyone who said something to you that really stuck when you were building?”
Handling Criticism and Online Hate
49:41 to 53:33
Learn strategies to manage online negativity and maintain perspective.
“they just had that belief in that faith and um you know like my every single album i've put out my mom's been the first person to buy.”
Finding Meaning and Purpose in Life
53:33 to 56:00
Understand how to define a meaningful life based on personal values.
“let's see, there's 8 billion people in the world, about 5 billion on social media.”
The Importance of Trade-Offs in Life
56:00 to 1:00:48
Learn about the significance of understanding trade-offs in prioritizing life goals.
“By marrying one person, you're not marrying everyone else.”
Finding Your Unique Path
1:00:48 to 1:02:01
Discover how to carve out your own career path and pursue your passions.
“That has been my explicit goal since I was 19.”
Overcoming Challenges and Focusing on Positivity
1:02:01 to 1:03:12
Understand the importance of perseverance and focusing on the positive amidst difficulties.
“And I think you're an inspiration in that way.”
Zuby's Journey and Social Media Presence
1:03:12 to 1:04:46
Hear about Zuby's journey and where to find his content online.
“What's your favorite rap lyric you've ever written?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Fourth of July savings are happening now at the Home Depot with select appliances starting at$398. Plus, get free delivery on appliance purchases of$398 or more, no membership required. Upgrade your kitchen with a modern and sleek GE profile refrigerator featuring hands-free autofill for the perfect pour every time. And make laundry day easier with two-in-one washer-dryer combo innovation that completes laundry in about 90 minutes. Shop top brand appliances now at the Home Depot. Offer valid June 17th and July 8th at the U.S. only C-Store Online for details. A huge problem in our society is people actually focusing on themselves too much.
0:33It's like a self-obsession. But when you focus more outwardly, it gets you out of your own head and it stops you focusing on all of your own emotions and your feelings. It's just like, cool, let me get out there and create something. My guest is Zuby, Oxford-educated rapper, best-selling author, and one of the most uncompromising independent thinkers alive. You'll get Zuby's framework for building a life that means something and why usefulness beats happiness as a North Star, and the one practice that turns avoidance into courage. The worry is something that is stemming from a previous dream. You've got these issues and complications and things you're trying to work out with people or with systems or whatever, but you're like, how lucky am I to even be able to have this worry?
1:11It's not wrong to be weak, but it's wrong to voluntarily remain weak. Why is it bad to stay weak?
1:20Because... So you talk a lot about the struggles of young men publicly. You are obviously a man, but you've also been really outspoken about what you see traveling around the world and talking to increasingly young men that feel disenfranchised. And some of the numbers are real. Like, you know, they make up 50 % of the population, but 80 % of the suicides, almost double the drug overdose rate of women. You know, one in four young men report having no close social connections under 30. I guess, what are you hearing young men say that most people might not even realize? The biggest killer of men under 50 is themselves, which is very tragic.
2:06If you think that you're living in a world or in a society or in a culture where the thing that is most likely to end you is yourself, and most people don't even know that statistic and it's not spoken about very much. And it suggests that despite all of the economic success and progress in various ways that we've made over the decades and centuries, there's still something fundamentally broken in terms of people's purpose and meaning. Now, obviously, this is not the case for the vast majority of people. The vast majority of men and young men, I think, are doing okay, but there's a very significant percentage that are struggling.
2:48I think when it comes to men and masculinity, I often like to say that men are always, boys and men are always building or destroying. I just think something about testosterone and aggression and male energy, there are so many positive and wonderful and important civilization building ways that that can be channeled and it should be. But when it's not being channeled in those directions, it often becomes destructive. And that can be turned inwardly and be self-destructive, like what we're talking about. And it can also be turned outwardly. And it's very easy to see that at the extreme levels, right?
3:25The extreme levels are the mass shooters. The extreme levels are the people who are committing suicide or self-harming in some type of way or overdosing on drugs because they're trying to escape reality or escape the mortal coil. um and so i think it's very important that that masculine energy is channeled into something productive it's channeled into building building yourself up spiritually building yourself up mentally in terms of your knowledge in terms of your relationships in terms of your relationship with god all of these things are very important and a lot of the fundamental building blocks that help to keep human beings of both sexes and all ages sane have been over the time over the course of decades, maybe really accelerating, probably beginning in the sixties.
4:14A lot of those foundations have been, have been kicked out faith, family, um, purpose, meaning community. It's not to say that they don't exist and you cannot find them. Of course, of course you can. And most people do in various ways, but it's not as solid and as clear cut as I think it used to be. And I think with young men in particular now, it's not that clear what you're meant to be doing. I think for, you know, one of the big criticisms of the past of human history is that gender roles were too strict. You know, if you're a woman, this is what you do. And so girls are raised this way. And, you know, OK, I'm a woman.
4:54This is how I fit into the world. This is what I do. If you're a boy growing into a man, it was very clear what your role in society is. those traditional options still remain open. If you're a man who's just like, my role is to be a provider and a protector and a presider and to do things this way. Or if you're a young woman who's just like, I just want to be a mom and raise kids and look after the family. Those roles are still open and available. I think it's important to say that they're actually harder to achieve now than they used to be. So we have this strange thing where the increase in choice, at least on a social and cultural level, at scale, it has not actually made people happier or more satisfied.
5:39But something has happened where it's had such an effect that it's just kind of confusing. Even with a young man, take something very simplistic like who should pay for a first date. Historically, I don't think that was complicated. In most of the world, that's not complicated. But if you live in a place that's supposed to be egalitarian and you've got all this feminism and women are doing just as much. In many big cities in the West, women are actually earning more money than men in some cases. So under that rubric, why should the man pay? Right? From a traditional mindset, right? It's kind of simple and straightforward, but from that sort of more progressive, it doesn't make sense.
6:19So that's like a kind of simple example, but it shows that level of confusion. I think there's a female kind of equivalent to this, but speaking - on the first date. Yeah, well, who do I think? The man. Especially if he's the one who invited out the woman, which he normally will be. But my worldview is not, you know, I'm not a progressive, I'm not a liberal, I'm not a feminist, right? I'm also not a sexist or misogynist or whatever, right? But, you know, I come from a more traditional viewpoint in that regard when it comes to, So, you know, what men generally should be doing and what those expectations are and similar for women.
7:00So I just think it's confusing. And the messaging is extraordinarily confusing, right? On one hand, you're being told to step up and be a better man and take charge and be a leader and be more masculine and all this. And then two seconds later, you're being told that, you know, you're part of the patriarchy and you need to stand down and, you know, create room and space for other people and don't be too domineering. don't mansplain and you know toxic masculinity and all these kind of things and it's I just think it's kind of deranging for a lot of boys and young men to be like all right wait what am I actually meant to do here um am I meant to be that warrior protector provider or am I meant to be this softer more gentle man who you know makes space for women and has this more egalitarian worldview you.
7:50And I just think it's, there's a lot more going on, but I think that's quite confusing. Do you think that there's a male version of quiet quitting basically for these young men? Are they just opting out because of all of this confusion? A large percent are, yeah. I don't know the numbers, but a significant percentage of even millennials, but certainly Gen Z and maybe this is going into Gen Alpha are basically just like, well, I don't know what to do and I don't know what society is going to reward and I don't want to be berated. So I'm just gonna chill. I'm not going to pursue much, right? Beyond basic survival, as long as I can keep myself okay.
8:31And I can feed myself, you know, a lot of people have given up hope on ever getting married, given some, some guys have totally given up on relationships, period. Um, even more people have given up on ever having children there, you know, intentionally just like, I can't even afford it. But if any woman would even have me, I can't even afford to have children. I can't afford to ever buy a house. All of these things that used to be quite normative are increasingly running away from a larger and larger percentage of the population. So just in terms of affordability, that's completely changed. If you go back just a few decades ago, probably the average man could sustain an entire family from a sole income.
9:16Whereas now, due to a whole host of factors, that's still possible if you're a high earner or if you're willing to sacrifice a lot of things in terms of lifestyle, you can still do that. But the vast majority of households, whether we're talking about the UK or the USA or any other developed country, they're typically going to have both spouses working normally full time, but at least one person working full time, other working part time just to be able to afford to live. and even then they might be struggling. So we're kind of in this strange situation where objectively a lot of good progress has been made in a lot of ways, but it's this strange paradox or conundrum where things that used to be kind of basic and achievable for the vast majority of the population increasingly seem very difficult to achieve.
10:13And as a result, fewer people are getting married. Those who do are doing it a lot later. Fewer people are having children. Those who even do have children generally are having fewer of them. So sure, GDP per capita is going up and certain measures are going up. Life expectancy has improved. There are a lot of things to be grateful for for modern society. But if you look at depression rates and anxiety rates and suicidal ideation and self-harm and just a general sense of directionlessness and lack of meaning, those things seem to be much higher than they were previously. Obviously, we're not the type of people either one of us and the person listening is not either to play a victim to all this.
10:59This can all be true and you can still try to triumph in life and you still can. But I guess my one other comment on this is how much of this—I've also heard the counter argument, which is your grandparents could afford to live on a single salary because your grandparents went out to dinner twice a month. They went to a local small restaurant or diner. They largely ate in. They had one landline phone. They might've even had one car. They never traded in the car. There were no lattes. There were no European vacations. You know, it was just different. We didn't have all of these extra things that were layered first over a home, a house, a family and kids.
11:46So do you think that is that all true? Are we kind of ferreting away our money on all of these material things first or just categorically? No, economically, it's not the same for this generation as the two previous. Yeah, I think your point is absolutely and objectively correct. People's expectations have changed. People's lifestyles have changed. Most people, I don't think, spend or use their money wisely, generally speaking. And the average person's lifestyle is most people are living beyond their means. At the same time, there are objective economic factors, like I said, of the amount people are earning versus how much housing costs and what that ratio is.
12:32And that has just changed. And so if you look at terms of real wages, I don't know about the US, but in the UK, real wages have not risen. When I say real wages, I'm talking about like purchasing power. So accounting for inflation. Real wages haven't risen in about 40 years. Yeah. It's about the same in the US. We've seen very little. We've seen actually huge productivity gains. So we're producing a lot more. So we haven't actually seen income gains. Yeah. So I think all of these things are true. And I think with a lot of these conversations, people try to take multivariate problems and pick their favorite univariate issue.
13:09Yeah. Whether that is, well, it's just the economy or it's just feminism or it's just, you know, this side or that side or it's immigration, right? It's immigration coming in and that's suppressing the wages and so on. And multiple things can be true at once. Yeah. Right. It's really rare to have something like this and it's just one thing that's true. And if you're talking about issues and solutions, there's always going to be the individual level. And then there's the more sort of systemic or collective level. And it's absolutely true that no matter the issue that we're talking about in society to the degree it exists on an individual level uh if someone is determined and they're strong-willed and they're competent you can overcome almost any systematic problem unless you're living in like a truly truly oppressive regime right like no matter how brilliant you are if you're stuck in north korea no matter how entrepreneurial or creative or whatever we are we probably no matter what can't achieve much.
14:11But if you're in a country that isn't like that, then as an individual, you can buck the trend. If 40 % of the population is obese and 70 % plus is overweight, that doesn't mean that you as an individual have to fall into that. You can buck the trend, but at the same time, if something is not working for across hundreds of millions or dozens of millions of people, it's worth looking at and thinking, okay, is there maybe something that we can do at scale to tilt this in a more favorable direction so that the average person can be doing well and be feeling like they're at least... It's worth playing the game because at least you've got a chance of winning.
14:53Yeah. Well, I mean, I think the worst thing you'd have in society is a group of young men opting out. I mean, you live in the Middle East right now in Dubai. And we see what happens when there are young men in the Middle East in a big way or any developing nation where they don't have ability for upward momentum and purpose. And really all they can rely on is, yes, certainly faith, but also destruction because there's no value creation. There's no economic creation that happens over time in Afghanistan or Iraq. Dubai is obviously an epicenter for growth, so that's a totally different space. But I think it's important to talk about where young men are at today because, Lord help us, if we have an entire generation of angry, non-motivated, left out of society young men, it doesn't end well for any society.
15:37That's usually the case for revolt. As crazy as we broads can be, we're not usually the ones going to war. You have so many quotes that I love, but one that you wrote to Gen Z men in particular, I think, is that it's not wrong to be weak,
15:54Zuby:but it's wrong to voluntarily remain weak, which seems very apropos for this conversation. Yeah. Why is it bad to stay weak? I think it's wrong to stay weak because it is your moral and ethical duty to have strength and be competent and to use that strength and competence for the betterment of humanity. I think that's why it's wrong to stay weak. So when I say that, I'm not simply just talking about how much you can bench press or deadlift, right? I believe we are all created in God's image to begin with. And I think that each person has a unique set of personality, skills, interests, talents, and it's your job to do your best to fulfill your potential.
16:48and then to act in service to other people. And if you choose to sit on that, to me, that's not neutral. You are depriving your fellow men and women of what you could be doing. And as a result, the world is a worse off place than it would be if you didn't do that. And if you at least tried to fulfill some of that potential. And then I think specifically for men as well, I do believe that men are the, ultimately, as a bottom line, are the guardians and protectors of society. Certainly if you have a wife, if you have children, but even if you're just part of a community, look, we don't live in a time where, thank God, we're not living in a time where we constantly have to be defending the village from marauding tribes or anything like that.
17:42You know, there's parts of the world where that's still the case. But even if you're not having to do that in the literal sense, there's a. What's the right word? There's sort of a metaphorical version of it that we do that we do face every day. And the more the stronger you are and the more capable you are, the better you are at guarding against all the all the all the negativity and all the potential problems. and the better you are at guiding and guarding the people you love and care about. And ultimately, look, any city, any state, certainly any nation, these are made up of, they're all just made up of individuals.
18:27So oftentimes we talk about these large entities as if they're, at some point it's like they become their own personality almost. right but the usa is a large group of people any company is a group of people a family is a group of people and so if individuals are empowered then as a result it makes the family better and that makes the town better and that makes the city better and that makes the state better and that makes the country better and then beyond that there are bad people in the world there are horrible people who do horrible things and they can be aggressive and they can be violent and they can be criminal and you don't want there there has to be a defense against that that's why nations have armies generally speaking you don't have armies and military because you just want to rampage and kill and take over stuff but you recognize that hey we we need to be able to defend.
19:34And so, yeah, that's why I think it's a moral duty to be strong and capable. I always think about what a tragedy it would be if you get to the end of your days and you go stand before your version of God and that version that he sees in front of him is like half of what he had planned for you. It's such a travesty. Sometimes I think like what happens when you stand before your God and your God is like, God, I gave you so many more crayons to color with. And you chose black and white. And there was like a Mona Lisa in there. And because you wanted to play small and because you didn't go bigger, you never actually fully realized.
20:13And maybe that's not how it actually works. And maybe everything is in God's plan. But it seems to me that there are so many people sleepwalking through life. Well, it's like the parable of the talents, isn't it? Yeah. Right. And so actually the more, the more talent and the more opportunity and the more privilege you are blessed with, actually the expectation is, is even greater biblically speaking. Uh, if you know, so you're, you're not meant to just sit on that. Sometimes courage is admitting you've been renting your best hours to build someone else's asset. That's why we built the contrarian Academy.
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21:25Which really takes us to the next subject I want to talk about, which is look maxing. Okay. Because I think there's this perverse maybe focus on talent or bettering yourself that I've never seen in both sexes to the degree I've seen right now. What do you think about look maxing? I see it mostly with young men today. I just learned about it. And I was like, this sounds criminal. Okay. It's so funny. I don't think that word has ever come out of my mouth. So maybe I'll say it for the first time on this podcast. Looksmaxing. That's it. Yes. It's a strange term. Explain what it is first. I'm not an expert.
22:08My understanding is it's just maximizing your physical attractiveness. Yeah. Right. Particularly, I mean, women have done this forever, but specifically from a male perspective although maybe it's not gendered um so number one is i think it's kind of like i think it's quite i think it's very overblown right i don't think i don't look at gen z or gen alpha men and see that like oh my gosh all of them are just like beating their jaws with their fists no no like it's i have right and it stands out because it's such an outlier With that said, I mean, I think the term is silly, look-smaxing, but I do think that it's important how you physically present yourself.
22:53Do I look-smax? I don't think so, but I've been going to the gym for 20-something years and I take pride in my appearance. Do you do those little things you put in your top of your shoe on it to make your job better? No, I don't. You just lift weights. I try to keep my head nicely shaved and keep my beard not looking too scruffy and wear clean colors and so on. So I do care about my appearance. And rightly or wrongly, human beings are very visual. So it would be just a lie to say that looks don't matter or nobody ever judges by looks. It's like people judge by looks all the time, even people who don't think they do.
23:32we all get first impressions of people and if people didn't if looks didn't matter like no one would wear a suit to an interview right you just why would you go to an interview in your pajamas right because you know how you're going to make an impression right um so yeah can it be taken too far of course and when it's taken too far that becomes vanity that becomes pride and also it shouldn't be a replacement for actually developing a personality or developing skills and that type of thing, right? When taken to an extreme, it's like, I mean, homosexuals perhaps always. And then like, it's strange for a straight man to be like fully, fully, fully obsessed with his looks.
24:13I also think a lot of women might not necessarily find that attractive if that's what they're even trying to do. You know, 80, 20 rule, right? Filler on a straight man. Like that would be, that's a lot. That's strange, right? Or putting on makeup and so on. Oh, it's interesting. I'm so curious because a lot of times I think we're on the curve. Like women for a long time have been doing crazy things with their appearance. But I don't know, the last hundred years or so, it seems crazier. You know, even during my lifetime, we went from you should be anorexic skinny, such as Kate Moss, you know, from the UK.
24:49And then it went we should actually be voluptuous, such as the Kardashians. And so let's get all these BBLs and everything. And then it went back to actually you should be really fit and let's be jacked. And then it went to sort of anorexic, which is a little bit where we are now, except if you're in Miami where you are right now, which the women there, that's a curvier type of crowd. So it's interesting to see if men will go the same direction. Like might men obsess with it as much as women do in a weird way? I don't think it'll ever reach the level. I don't think the focus on male looks would ever, I don't think it can ever reach the level of the female obsession with looks.
25:28And men, generally speaking, care a lot more about pure looks than women do when it comes to finding the opposite sex attractive. It doesn't mean that women don't care about looks. It doesn't mean that men don't care about things beyond looks. but generally speaking like men are just more visually stimulated than women are right it's why you know to be blunt it's why male pornography is visual and female pornography is like you know smutty novels and that you know that type of stuff generally speaking right like it's true yeah men and women are just are just wired differently and with all these things as well it's fine.
26:09A lot of things that are just hardwired in us, of course, things can be taken too far and things can be used in a bad way and things could be channeled in the wrong direction. But it's okay to recognize just the way that we're wired. I think a lot of derangement in modern in the modern West is coming from the constant attempt to like fight biology and to like force kind of force the square peg in a round hole right and try to we're trying to force like everyone be this way or force people to do this and it's like look there there's a lot of variance and diversity in human beings or make holes where they shouldn't be there's a lot of things happening sometimes literally and look there's a lot of diversity in the human species so So if anytime you're making generalizations about any group, let alone men and women, which are like categories of billions of people, you're going to be speaking with a broad brush.
27:05Right. But it is absolutely true that if you take the three and a half, four billion girls and women in the world and the four billion boys and men in the world, you will see some very distinct traits that exist among these groups. Within them, people are kind of floating around. and a lot of people just seem to they have this kind of blank slate view and to them all of this is problematic right we need to just completely flatten everything right there's people who almost don't even think that these are their own gender is even just socially constructed thing right there are people who genuinely believe that if it were not for socialization there wouldn't be differences between men and women i know i see them in your comment section they think it's maybe it's all socialized lurk and i'm like have you have you even hung out with hang out with a three-month-old boy and a three-month-old guy like they're different hang out with babies with little kids like they naturally gravitate just towards different things and this isn't bad we just need to make sure that you're raising good human beings and that you are channeling their natural proclivities and interests in in a healthy positive and pro-social way and 100 so what would you say let's like let's say that there is you know a young man or maybe a it's a young person who is trying if you're like you're trying to gain your self-respect back you're trying to be a strong member of society again what do you do well i think the first thing is this is where things fortunately or unfortunately really start with parenting and families because that's where you're meant to get a lot of those fundamentals from.
28:51It's not meant to be coming from podcasters and social media influencers and people on TV. It's really meant to be coming from your parents and from your family and then beyond that, your communities that you're a part of. But what if someone doesn't have that? Because I think a lot of people today, you know, parenting social structures are different. Like you said, we've lost that nuclear family to a big degree. We haven't lost it, but it's hyper diminished. Exactly. So like, what would you say to a young person that was sitting across from you? Like, I want to be strong. I want self-respect.
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29:20What do you do? You have to earn it. You can't bypass competence. And with competence comes confidence and comes self-esteem. Maybe downstream of that should be, okay if you are that valuable and you are that worthy then within yourself within your own brain within within your own heart um recognize that and firstly you treat yourself that way before you expect other people if you don't respect yourself and you don't think you're valuable and you don't think that you're worthy of care like it's going to be you're going to project about you more than you do, especially complete strangers. So I think treat yourself that way.
30:08And when you treat yourself that way, it doesn't mean just staying the same. It means going, oh, okay, well, okay, well, I've got this body and I've only got one of them and it's got to last me my entire life. I should respect my body. I should be careful about what I, what I put into it. I should make sure I take care of it. Right. I shouldn't run it into the ground. Um, in terms of your knowledge, in terms of your skills, your abilities over time, work on them, develop them, hone them. And then I think a lot of people, I actually think a huge problem in our society is people actually strangely focusing on themselves too much.
30:43I think it's a big cause of what people call mental health problems, right? It's like a self-obsession, which might kind of sound strange to say, but when you focus more outwardly on, okay, how can I be useful? How can I be of service to others? How can I, you know, worry about others more than I worry about myself in a way, then it gets you out of your own head and it stops you kind of just focusing on all of your own emotions and your feelings and all these temporary things. And it's just like, cool, like, let me get out there and create something, build something. It's important to stay in motion, both physically and metaphorically, just to always be working towards working towards things building things creating things being amongst people all of that is very valuable and i think you can snuff out a lot of um the the negative talk and thoughts just by diving into these things and um being a part of them yeah you know it's an interesting point we were talking about elon before this and i remember seeing a video somewhere from him and he basically said like i don't do self-reflection at all He's like, I don't do that.
31:56And then Marc Andreessen sort of parroted that. And in some ways, I understand that. I mean, we're sitting in Austin, Texas, the capital of self-help and ayahuasca. And I have so many friends that have been on 37 mushroom journeys with a shaman and done the thing in Peru and whatever. And I think you should do you and whatever you're into, that's great. But a weird thing starts happening, talk about similarities, where they look so much inward. There's this belief that they're God all of a sudden. I've seen it again and again. And people that I know really well and respect in many ways will say, well, I have the answers, sort of I'm God, I know what's coming.
32:40And then they will also just obsess on their own journey. It becomes much less building anymore. Building becomes less interesting to a lot of them, become less motivated and less focused I think on how to help other people beyond trying to get them to do mushroom journeys and shaman trips and wear feathered hats and whatever you're into. And so it's interesting you say that because we've seen this huge proliferation of self-help and mental health therapy and yet we're more unhappy than ever. And so it's like do you need to talk to a therapist or would some vitamin D and some strength training help as well?
33:20And I'm not qualified to say one versus the other, but it seems like a reasonable question. Yeah, like I said, I think a lot of fundamental pillars have been knocked out for millions of people and they're doing all sorts of things and exploring all sorts of avenues to try to replace them. The religion one is a really obvious one and I understand, look, not everyone's a Christian, not everyone's religious at all. There are, you know, not every people have all sorts of different beliefs and they're entitled to them, but it's kind of fascinating to me how many people will kind of reject traditional religion and the idea of God and so on, and then spend sometimes years or decades basically trying to substitute it with something that is like, they're kind of going around like all these very roundabout ways to try to get back to the same thing.
34:11This is very much the, you know, I'm not really just, but I'm spiritual kind of thing. And, you know, like you said, all of these journeys and all of these views and they're taking from this one and this one and this one. And I'm kind of like, you're just taking like a really long path to kind of get back to get back to that basic. If we talk about community, what you mentioned about therapy is really interesting, right? Because not so long ago, and it's certainly in most of the world, your quote unquote therapists Buddhists are predominantly your brothers, your sisters, your parents, your friends, the people who are around you, the people in your community, the elders, your pastor, whoever it might be, right?
34:49These are the people. Oh, I've got these problems. I have these worries, these concerns. I need this guidance. I'm not going to pay a random professional stranger to sit down and talk to them. And I understand there are niche situations where therapy probably makes sense. If you've been to war and you've been seeing all this horrible stuff where you've been the victim of some horrific crime or something and you need like very specific niche help. I understand that. But I don't think like the average middle class, you know, 16 year old or 26 year old or 36 year old who hasn't been through some like real trauma as a major issue.
35:24The idea that they all sort of need to be in therapy is very foreign and bizarre to me. I think that's why, at least the point of everything that we focus on here is we always say you should talk to the person. That one person who's listening to us, they can change their life. They could skip spending all the money on therapy consistently and just go build something, starting with their body maybe, starting with the business. I had an employee here who was actually a really high performer. I think really highly of her. And one day she came to me and she said, you know, I've been going to therapy and talking to my therapist about work and I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm having a hard time figuring it out.
36:03And my therapist says like, you know, if this is causing me anxiety, I should just quit and I should take some time to think about what I want and I should just go figure that out. And I go, let's just, let's just play this because I actually think she's a high performer. And I said, you should do whatever you want to do. And this is like a life path for you, but do you want to hear my two cents? And she said yes, so obviously I yapped. And my response was, what is going to make you have to touch the world in order to understand and change things. So if you go home and you sit in your apartment and you don't talk to other people about their career paths, what is the natural inclination that you're going to find what you actually want?
36:44And if something is hard, do we have to stop it? And I thought it was so fascinating because she kind of went to therapy every Wednesday or Thursday every week. And I said, how long have we been going to therapy? Well, you know, 10 years. The same therapist? Interesting. Do we have a deep-seated issue we have to handle? No. What is it? Well, anxiety and I kind of don't know what I want to do next. Why can we not deeply figure this out? Why can you not figure this out? And why do you have to kind of like secede all of your thoughts to this other human that you have to pay to listen to you? It's a very weird construct if you actually think about it.
37:18Stranger gives advice on life they don't have to live with no repercussions for actions. Not a great incentive alignment. And so I think it's really interesting. I guess one of the other places I'd want to go with you is like, I think part of these issues are that it's scary being against the norm. And you had a quote that I loved that was basically like, most people would want to be with the majority instead of be right. And I remember when I first started following you online, I was like, God, he's got balls, you know? And I bet that like you just, you were willing to say things, especially at that time that were so outside of the norm.
37:58And of course you resonated with a lot of people, but a lot of people just went to battle against you. And so my circle back here is, I think people are scared. And if they found out how to have more courage and less fear, then maybe they would be able to change their lives. And I don't know if that's right, but maybe it'll help one person. And so I guess I would ask you, what do you do when you're scared to say something or do something? How do you do it anyway? Do you want a real answer? Yeah. I fear God. I don't fear man. I'd rather be canceled by man than canceled by God. So the strength of my faith and the worldview that's derived from that, it snuffs out a lot of the day-to-day fears that I think a lot of people deal with.
38:50So in terms of the, oh, I might get a negative comment, or I might get backlash, or I might be called this name, or whatever, if I believe that righteously and morally what I'm saying is important and needs to be said, then I'll say it. Is there anything you do fear or that still creeps in despite your faith? And what do you do when that happens? Is there a prayer you say to God? Is there a walk that you take? Yeah. Well, I mean, I think I've heard, I think I've seen you tweet that every time that you fear or worry you're practicing atheism, right? but he's often for me still a warrior and i love i love that quote um and so look i'm a human being right i'm not i'm not i'm not bulletproof literally or figuratively right i of course i have my my fears and my concerns for the world at large and for humanity and myself you know i have a wife and you know a child now lord willing many more to come um so you know i have the the basic human fears and concerns um but you know i have a lot of trust in god and i have a lot of trust i guess in my in myself and my ability so whatever comes down the pipeline i believe that i'm capable and competent enough to deal with it.
40:22So when I zoom out and I think, okay, whatever I'm worried or concerned about, if I zoom out. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18 plus. Cody, it's so silly that in some cases, the worries and concerns that you or I may have are a result of the worry is something that is stemming from something that was like a previous dream.
41:13Right. You're running, you're running a company. and with that comes responsibility and pressure and challenges and you're trying to do all these cool and amazing things and so on so sure that you've got these issues and complications and things you're trying to work out with people or with systems or whatever but you're like wait to even have this problem how lucky am i to even be able to to have this worry right like how many people even have that right like this is what i dreamed of this is what i wanted this is what i This is what I fought for. Right. So that that's how I frame things. This is literally what I wanted and what I chose.
41:48You know, it's true as a business owner. Courage is needed to not in speech, maybe, but in the meeting where you admit cash flow is tighter than revenue makes it look or in the courage where you finally ask, is my team strong enough for what we're trying to do? That's why we built Growth Boardroom. Growth Boardroom is for business owners that need to make decisions that are too expensive to keep making alone. You bring your real problems, hiring, cashflow, sales, marketing systems, expansion, whatever is actually blocking growth. And we bring our advisors to help you with weekly coaching, quarterly planning, and a 50 tool operating system to help you find the next lever in your business to unlock your next growth.
42:29So if you want to make more revenue and profit, our members end up seeing 25 to 50 percent growth in their business when they follow our proven system why would you guess when you can steal somebody else's homework you can steal ours please apply here at the link if you have a business that is trending to do at least seven figures in revenue we want to then invite you into the boardroom i need to put that on my like screensaver you know i do think it's you know it's like training a muscle you know and and the first couple of times you do the bicep curls, you can't do very many and it hurts and it feels awful.
43:02And then after a while, you keep lifting heavier and heavier and it seems the same way with your mind. And so I love this idea of like sort of first zoom in all the way out, which is that God is the only thing to fear. Then zoom in out with most humans have it harder than I do. And then, you know, zooming in a little bit, which is remember you asked for this. And it's like, it takes me to that other quote of like, my husband sometimes quotes it at me I'm like, but he'll say, he'll say, you know, don't get mad when there's a lot on your plate because you said you wanted to eat. And I'm like, you're right, you know, don't use that with your wife.
43:40That's not, that's not there. I might use it in a song. Put it in a rap song. Yeah. It's not mine. So you could use it. That's like public, but that's really helpful actually. And I guess, One other way that I would be curious your take, sometimes it's not the random haters and the people on the internet that hurt. It's like, how do you overcome the people that you love wanting you to live a different type of life? And I think these days, if most people are going for less God, less family, less success, less building, you're going to have people who love you, but they want you to stay the same.
44:19And they don't want you to change. And the ones who discourage you sometimes are even the closest to you. And I'm sure it's happened to you, too. You know, what do you do when somebody that you love and care about actually feels you're disappointing them, but you believe you should be? Well, I think it's important to actually think it's important to listen to everyone. This is not I know a lot of people say you don't don't listen to people. I actually think you should listen to everyone, but it doesn't mean that everyone is correct or you need to take everyone's advice. If somebody genuinely loves and cares about you, I believe it's always worth hearing them out.
44:55If you know that someone has your best interest in mind, then generally speaking, they are going to be coming from a perspective of what they think is best for you in terms of protecting you and keeping you safe. Those things probably primarily. They're probably thinking more about your safety and security than your success or dreams being fulfilled type of thing. So I say with those individuals, certainly listen. But then it's up to you to decide what to take on board and what to discard and what to do differently. And it's also up to you to live with the consequences of that. if you want to go out and do something that is weird, out of the norms, strange, it could just be starting a company, becoming a creative, making whatever YouTube videos you want, pursuing something that's unorthodox.
45:49There will always be people who warn you against them. And that doesn't come from a bad place because statistically speaking, most people who pursue those things, it's certainly not a sure thing. And most people are like, are you sure? So I would recognize that is not coming from a malicious place with those type of individuals and then um and then do what's what's best and also recognize that sometimes people won't believe in you until you prove them until you prove that you can actually do it if you say you want to do this crazy thing even your parents even your siblings even your close friends there will always be that person who like believes in you maybe more than you do and eggs you on but a lot of people won't believe you can do it until you actually do it.
46:35Was there ever anyone who said something to you that really stuck when you were building? I mean, you've had multiple careers, you know, and from an author to a rapper to a business builder to a podcaster to an internet personality, many things. But can you remember somebody who said something that stuck with you about how you weren't going to make it? And like, does that fuel you or do you just ignore it? It's a good question. The honest answer is no, at least not anyone whose opinion I particularly care about. I'm very fortunate and blessed that my family have always supported me, even when I knew for sure that they had doubts or they thought that I was being a little bit crazy.
47:21So to give the most obvious example, I mean, I quit my job in 2011. So I've been self-employed now as a creative entrepreneur for 15 years. so and I quit my job when I was 24 okay so I went to Oxford University I studied computer science I graduated when I was 20 obviously there's a lot of a lot of things I could do I went into the corporate world I was a management consultant for three years and then at the beginning of going into the third year I made a decision that by the end of that year I was going to quit and I wanted to become a full-time rapper and to an outsider that might sound completely insane to someone at the company that might seem nuts like what you're gonna why did you even get that degree and do all this if you just want to become a rapper right like it seems very strange to people but you know and I've actually know people who were kind of in similar positions who wanted to do something more unorthodox and actually they let the people around them sometimes including their very own parents discourage them to the point that they either didn't pursue the thing at all or they started and then they quit um i thank god that my parents are especially being nigerian parents nigerian and african and asian parents in particular have like a you know it must be a doctor a lawyer like you know accountant type of thing right like people have that viewpoint because there's so much focus on education and traditional achievement and so And again, that's about that stability and security.
48:53It doesn't come from a bad place. But I think I don't know if it's just that, like, I'm the fifth child and my parents were like, well, we've already got four successful kids. So, you know, we can let Zuby go off and pursue his crazy thing. But, you know, I just I just think genuinely they they believed in me and they also just knew they, you know, certainly when you're a kid, your parents probably know you better than you do. and my parents often comment on like how from a very young age I was always very determined and like I would pursue what I wanted and I didn't give up and so on so I think they just knew like look whatever Zuby sets his mind to he's going to achieve some level of success so if he wants to be a rapper if he wants to start a business if he wants to climb the corporate ladder whatever he does if we give it time he's gonna he's gonna succeed at it so I think they they just had that belief in that faith and um you know like my every single album i've put out my mom's been the first person to buy.
49:50I love that. You know they're subscribed to my youtube channel they like you know someone writes a hate comment on my facebook page my mama might be jumping there in the comments right my mommy.
50:03Sometimes she'll send it to me too like you what Ashley's a real bitch. I don't know Ashley. I don't know why are we? Yeah so I'm so fortunate in that regard that I haven't had to like fight against my loved ones and have that like extra uphill battle to you know pursue the things that I do. But you know there have been times especially over the last seven years where I've been a lot more publicly outspoken you know there have been things that I've posted which have like gone viral where you know it's gone so viral that it's like reached my siblings workplaces or it's reached like my parents community or whatever and people are sending oh is this your son like who said this thing especially during like you know the covid time or whatever you know so i have had things where they're like oh you know like what did you you know maybe they maybe felt that one was like a little bit too much or something and like i said i i will always listen yeah um and you know sometimes i'll be like yeah okay maybe i could have framed that one a little bit maybe i was a little bit harsh there.
51:00But other times I'm like, yeah, I know people didn't want to hear that, but ultimately that is what I actually honestly think. Yeah. But I think that's good because these days people say, like, there's one real aggressive side of the equation, which is like, I think I hear a lot of young women say like, I have boundaries. I don't need to listen to feedback. You know, if they don't support me, they're not on my side. And that's really actually isolated because I've never met another human that I agree with 100 % of everything they agree on. And so that would be, could you imagine if you could only be friends with people that you had to agree on every single thing?
51:37That would be ludicrous. And so I think it's kind of liberating to say you should, it's funny from you too, because I think if people didn't meet you and they just listened to you online, they might think he'll be tough. He doesn't listen to the trolls. Don't read the comments. But in fact, you're kind of the opposite. You're like, if I believe that your opinion is valid I'd like to hear it yeah and even if I don't think your opinion is valid um sometimes I find it funny like I've I've read some I've received some hate on the internet which genuinely makes sometimes it's so good and I share it with my audience right I'm like guys you check out this one I've added them to my bio before right me too can I tell you my favorite it's so inappropriate it's cussing but um but one time I said I don't like to pick up people from the airport, which I stand by.
52:24I will send you an Uber. I don't want to come to the airport. I will do many other things for you. Harder things, I think. But apparently the internet finds that unbelievably rude. And they think that I am the worst. And so I really kind of got a kick out of that. And so one of the retweets was great. It was like, no wonder this cantankerous has no friends and i don't know why i first of all i think we should use the word cantankerous and you're british so you guys actually use the c word i don't think americans were allowed to okay i know i know you're good i'm good um but it really gave me a chuckle yeah and so you're right the kind of it's like uh hear people's opinions but let them rest lightly yeah and when it comes to strangers as well because i do get a lot of questions from people about how do you deal with the online date or whatever.
53:16First of all, a lot of it is not real. But secondly, it's remarkable how many people allow... I have another quote. I say, like, never let the opinion of a stranger on the internet ruin your day. You have to remember a lot of it has nothing to do with you. There are, right now as we speak, let's see, there's 8 billion people in the world, about 5 billion on social media. I would say right now there's at least 200 million people in the world right now scrolling social media looking for somebody to be mad at. Right now. At least 200 million. Right now. They're looking literally on Instagram X. They're looking for somebody to be mad at.
53:55And sometimes you just come across. Sometimes your face just pops up. Giving your take. Saying your hot take. And they're like, F you. like some sometimes you're just that person and so it's not it's not about you personally it was someone was having a bad day and you just happened to pop up and you know maybe you your thing was getting generating a lot of conversation and you just catch their ire that day so it's not about you it's it's genuinely about them okay i do want to end with like two things so we've talked a lot about you know what's happening with men we've talked about not being fearful i want to talk about the other side for a second, which is how do you live a meaningful life?
54:43Like in your mind, if a young person is searching for meaning and purpose, what is the way to lead a meaningful life that actually matters? It's an excellent question. And I genuinely do think that the answer is different for different people in terms of the specifics, at least. And I think, Cody, I think that if you think of it for most, for the first 20 years of most people's lives, they're kind of just on train tracks that they didn't create for themselves. You don't choose your family, your parents, where you were born. You probably didn't choose what school you went to. You probably didn't choose what subjects you studied.
55:21At the beginning, you're kind of just, cool, go through the school system and other people make all these decisions for you. And I think as a result of that, a lot of people get to their late teens or sometimes even their early 20s and they've never genuinely like deeply thought about what they want and what they value and so this is where uh you know that therapist you mentioned earlier on you know this is like the tidbit i'd say like where i think there's something to be taken from that is to is to genuinely think of like okay not just what society or my parents or my family or my school has told me like what are the things I genuinely value and what do I what would a meaningful life look like you know what would it what would it look like what would it look like to you because different people value different things in different orders and life is full of sacrifices and trade-offs we don't like to talk we I wish our society would talk more about trade-offs because almost everything is a trade-off literally by you and I being here it means right now it means that we're not somewhere else.
56:29By marrying one person, you're not marrying everyone else. By living in one city, you're eschewing all the other places that you could live, right? So before you go about doing that blindly, I think it's very important to think about it consciously. So if you've just, say you're a higher achiever, you're someone who's always gotten good grades, you went to a good university, so on, you can automatically, unconsciously, put on a track to think that career and or money are the top priority when actually for you they're not right so you're on this pathway and you're just trying to maximize career and money and in doing so you're sacrificing lots of other things perhaps your health perhaps your relationships maybe you're living somewhere you don't want to do perhaps you're sacrificing hobbies sacrificing dreams and so on whereas in reality there are other things you care about more so i think it's important to take that pause and go through that exercise, I guess, of really thinking, okay, what are the things like I really, really care about?
57:28So for me personally, I realized early on, like 20-ish, that I really, really value my own, how would I call it? Personal liberty, autonomy, ability to make my own decisions when I want to the degree that I value money, I value it mostly to the degree, firstly, to the degree that will enable that. And then to the degree I also knew I care a lot about family. I care a lot about my pre-existing family that I come from, but I also care a lot about being able to create my own family. And before I ever had children, I spent a lot of time thinking of like what I want to do for my children and be able to pass on to them and so on.
58:08There's only three ways money motivates me. One, being able to have that freedom and autonomy, even in terms of like geography, in terms of where I live and so on, and not to have to be like constantly worrying about being able to meet basic needs. That's the first. Number two is being able to provide for a family. Like I've told people for years and years, like God willing, I'd love to have at least five kids. First conversation I ever had with my now wife. How many kids do you want? brain bite if you're all like oh i don't know this is not gonna work right so um you know i want to be able to provide for them and to be able to give a good life and then number three is i'd like to have an abundance to be able to give and help a lot of people and so i thought about all this early so it may once you do this it makes it a lot easier to make decisions because you know what serves your purpose and what doesn't and it makes it easier to um prioritize and prioritization is very important because depending on what your goals are and how you probably how um how those things are ranked you there are some life paths you you don't want to take if you're someone who does this if you're a 20 year old man or a woman and you decide okay you know like actually the number one thing for me is like, I want to get married and have kids, then it would be very foolish and self-destructive to pursue a path for the next 10 or 20 years that steers you away from that, that makes those things even harder and harder to achieve.
59:41Right. And again, everything is, everything is trade-offs. So if you prioritize this one, you might have to deprioritize this one, least for a time, for a season. It doesn't mean you can't do multiple things. You can, but you can't realistically do every single thing at once, right? You know, it's interesting because I think most of us fall into mimetic desire, right? So we become an amalgamation of all the things around us, like a mirror in a hall of mirrors. And so then you end up having this life that you didn't architect, you don't actually want, turns out actually doesn't make you very happy because introspection is hard when it's real, when you're actually asking yourself the very tough questions, aka one trade-off versus another.
1:00:24So I like that. But you're also really an inspiration in that way because a typical career path is not Oxford, rapper, author, wayne lifter, podcaster, internet or you know that's not normal no really actually and so and then to go even more into ideologically what you want can i say something yeah a lot of people might look at hear what you just said and look at all the things that i do and have done and think it's kind of random um it's all the same thing my goal has been consistent since i was 19 i want to use my voice and my words to positively impact millions of people. That has been my explicit goal since I was 19.
1:01:10That's why I wanted to become a rapper. And so whether I'm podcasting, whether I'm on stage, whether I'm on TV, I'm doing an interview, I'm writing a book, it's all towards the exact same purpose. So I might look different and scattered to someone else, but it's all the same thing. Yeah. Well, I think the more interesting part is that it's, you can't have looked at somebody else's career and thought, oh, I'm going to mimic that because you didn't really exist. Now there are now rappers who have written books and there are probably authors that have become rappers, although I don't think that's as common.
1:01:48And so anyway, I think that part's cool. And it just goes to show if you're listening right now and you have a weird thing you want to do in the world, weird as a not normal for everybody else, there's a way to do that. And I think you're an inspiration in that way. I guess the one part I want to end on here is for that person listening who maybe feels a little lost or isolated in this world, if you're here to share words to change people's lives, what are the words you would leave them with? Life is very much worth living and it has its ups and downs and the downs can last a long time it can feel unbearable at times um but i always just tell people it sounds cliche but man just keep on going just keep moving forward if you're going through something difficult if you keep going forward you will you will get through it it will pass time does heal things um and there's just so much goodness and positivity that already exists in which you can also create and contribute to so rather than focusing on the darkness all the time and all the negativity do your best i know it's hard to do a hundred percent of the time but do your best to focus on the light and focus on the positive and be a part of it.
1:03:13What's your favorite rap lyric you've ever written? Oh, a hot one-liner. Is that what the kids say? Oh gosh. When I was 19, I wrote that, you know, you can call it masturbation because I'm feeling myself. I thought that was, I thought that was, that's not on grants for you today. This is not on it. You're like, fine God, I'll so masturbate. I wrote that one when I was 19. It was funny. No, I'm trying to think of something deeper. Okay, what's your favorite rap song you've written? One of my favorites is a song I made just called Perseverance. And it's basically about, in all, everything we're talking about.
1:03:56Just persevering and just continuing doing what you're doing and trying. That's really what it's about. It's just about hope. Okay, I like it. Zuby, where do you like people to follow you? A lot. I am on X, Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook, all at Zuby Music, Z-U-B-Y Music. And you can find my podcast, Real Talk with Zuby, on all platforms. And you can find all my music on all platforms. Just search Zuby, Z-U-B-Y. Easy to find. I have a lot of stuff out there. So pick and choose. I love it. whatever you find value in. Well, thank you so much. I happen to subscribe to all of them. My favorite is X.
1:04:39Thank you. And also I like your YouTube and I like your Instagram too because it's more personal. Thank you. So thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing this and thank you for being really loud about opinions that need to be said in the world. I appreciate Cody and you too. God bless. Thanks, man.
1:05:05Zuby:With cooking oils, salad dressings, and mayo, all powered by the good fats from 100 % pure avocado oil and simple, delicious ingredients. Chosen Foods.
From the publisher
You've been standing on the sidelines. Watching your voice shrink every time the room gets uncomfortable. Letting fear dictate what you say, who you become, and how small you're willing to stay just to avoid the backlash. Here's the truth: the cost of silence is always higher than the cost of speaking up. And the moment you stop apologizing for what you believe is the moment you stop living someone else's script.
Zuby is an Oxford educated rapper, bestselling author, and one of the most uncompromising independent thinkers alive. He's built a career using his voice to challenge narratives, spark real conversations, and inspire millions to stop waiting for permission to live boldly. In this episode, he breaks down the exact frameworks for building a life that means something, why usefulness beats happiness as a North Star, and the one practice that turns avoidance into courage.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why the biggest killer of men under 50 is themselves and what that says about purpose, meaning, and the fundamental pillars that have been knocked out of modern life
The moral duty to be strong: why it's not wrong to be weak, but it's wrong to voluntarily remain weak, and how competence builds confidence that serves others
How to overcome fear when the people you love want you to stay the same and why listening to everyone doesn't mean taking everyone's advice
The zoom out framework: fear God not man, remember most people have it harder than you do, and recognize you asked for the life you're living
Why meaning comes from knowing what you actually value, not what society told you to prioritize, and how trade offs are the secret to building a life you designed instead of inherited
Stop shrinking. Start speaking. The world doesn't need another person playing it safe. It needs you at full volume.
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(00:00:00) Introduction: Stop Self-Obsessing and Start Building Something That Matters
(00:00:53) The Hidden Crisis: Why Young Men Are Quietly Disappearing
(00:02:18) Boys Are Always Building or Destroying: The Testosterone Truth
(00:04:13) The Gender Role Confusion: Who Pays for the First Date and Why It Matters
(00:07:33) Quiet Quitting Masculinity: The Generation Opting Out Entirely
(00:11:30) Real Wages, Real Problems: The Economic Truth Nobody Wants to Admit
(00:15:11) It's Wrong to Voluntarily Remain Weak: Your Moral Duty to Be Strong
(00:19:12) The Parable of the Talents: Don't Stand Before God at Half Capacity
(00:21:08) Look-Maxing, Vanity, and the 80-20 Rule for Men's Appearance
(00:25:55) Stop Fighting Biology: Why Blank Slate Thinking Is Making Everyone Miserable
(00:28:17) Build Competence First: The Foundation of Self-Respect
(00:30:01) The Self-Obsession Trap: Focus Outward to Escape Your Own Head
(00:32:44) Therapy, Shamans, and Substituting Religion: The Long Way Back to God
(00:37:33) I Fear God, Not Man: The Source of Courage in a Cancel Culture
(00:40:16) Zoom Out: You Asked for This Worry
(00:43:42) Listen to Everyone, Obey No One: Handling Criticism from People You Love
(00:46:04) The Nigerian Parents Who Let Zuby Become a Rapper
(00:52:32) Never Let a Stranger on the Internet Ruin Your Day
(00:53:33) What Is a Meaningful Life? Trade-Offs, Priorities, and Conscious Decisions
(00:59:50) One Goal Since 19: Use My Voice to Impact Millions
(01:01:13) Final Words: Keep Moving Forward, Focus on the Light, and Persevere
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