398: How to Change Your Financial Life with a Money “Reset”

26:46I have to wholeheartedly agree with you. I actually really like this fine acronym because I live in Longmont, Colorado. It is sort of the mecca for early retirees. We have Mr. Money Mustache lives here. And a lot of people come to Longmont to live because it's an amazing city. And if anybody wants to move here, please let me know. I could be a real estate agent. It is just a wonderful place that people come to in this space. And so therefore, I know a lot of people who are retired early. I don't know a single one of them who sits around and does nothing all day. They all do something. But because they got money figured out, their whole financial future is completely figured out.

27:37They don't have to work for money. It's interesting. I was talking to a woman recently, and we were talking about like she and her husband were going to be traveling in there. We tend to get, I don't know why. I mean, who knows why an Upper West Side lesbian Jew gets this, but we have a lot of military people in our audience. And so I'm like shocked by that. But a lot of those people who have lived a life where either, you know, they are in the service or they've been in the State Department and, you know, maybe some of them were in dangerous positions and they're like, you know what? I can't do that for a long time, but I want to have a pathway to do something else.

28:16And they'll often really talk about how that idea of working in a job that they knew had a pension, they didn't have the pressure of like worrying about what the next or the new endeavor would be. They knew that they could kind of finance their way through it. I do think that what happens for a lot of folks is that you're so hyper-focused on what you're doing today. And all of a sudden you pick your head up and, you know, you might be 61 years old and say like, well, wow, how did I get here? You know, it's like that talking head song, like, you know, how did I get there? And and and so I think it's it's worth considering these questions while you have a chance to make a real difference in your life, because most of us don't have pensions and we don't have the ability to kind of glide into a second career and a new endeavor.

29:04And it's important that we we kind of test ourselves a little bit along the way. Yeah, I totally agree with you. And look, I love the next endeavor point and I don't want to belabor too much, but I think it really encapsulates the true point of financial independence. I teach people how to build wealth. I do it through real estate, but the goal is I want to teach people how to become financially free. And that's not the end of the sentence. And I think so many people think that is it's I want you to be financially free so that you can so that you can pursue your passion so that you can do what you feel like you're called to do so that you can take on that next endeavor.

29:44So I think it ties in. Fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing. Like, it is interesting how real estate, you know, I know it's sort of like the mythology of real estate. So I don't want to go crazy because like I'm I own houses, but like I would be a very happy renter. So I don't want to go nuts with that because, you know, I don't dream home. It always makes me a little crazy. But I think the idea of, you know, you're going to acquire, if you're going to think about how you're building your life and you say, I want to use real estate to help do that. What I always say to people is, do you know what that means?

30:17Like before you just like trot that out and Henry, I got to imagine that you would like just kick anyone's who's just like, I'm just going to be a landlord without actually doing the work to figure out how to do that. And that's really the other part of this, which is we're having this conversation and it does require work. And so getting back to the question of like, you know, why doesn't, why doesn't a dream become a reality? I think that often it's because it takes work. It does take work. And no one's just like, Hey, Mindy, here's a four family property that's going to give you passive income for the rest of your life.

30:56Good luck. Well, Well, yeah, exactly. Good luck with that. And so it's very, in so many of these conversations, I'm always, I really, I laugh sometimes. I'm like, well, who's going to manage that property? Well, I guess I'd get a management company. Okay. Well, how much does that cost? I don't know. You know, like, so, you know, what happens if this is, one of your units is empty for eight months? What happens if we go into a recession? What if, what if, what if? And it's funny, you know, we're talking today, we're recording this right on the heels of, you know, two bank failures, right? And, and, and someone said to me, you know, well, what explains this?

31:36I said, well, I can't tell you how many times people, so-called professionals or managers don't ask the very important question, what if, what if, what if it doesn't go as planned? What is my, what are my alternatives then? What if interest rates go up? What would that mean? What if we go into a recession or what if the technology sector doesn't do very well? Or what if my, the way that I thought this was going to play out doesn't play out that way? It's a funny thing because I'm, I'm trained as a derivatives trader. Okay. So like my train, I'm a little bit of a math head. And so when I think about the way I was trained, it was to look at the absolute worst case scenario first, understand what that would be.

32:24And then you look at your, you then analyze the position that you're holding and saying, what would happen if things went south? If everything goes well, we don't have to worry about it, right? That's easy. But if the blank hits the fan, that's what we have to test against. And that's what I think people are uncomfortable doing. And I think it's probably also why I have to like bang the drum and kill myself to get people to do their estate planning because they just don't want to think about like death or illness. I'm like, well, what do you think you're getting out alive? Because you're not. You're not getting out of this life alive.

33:00I promise. Spoiler, spoiler alert. Come on, Jill. Don't give away the ending. Support for BiggerPockets money comes from Northwest Registered Agent. Your business identity is everything that shows what your business is about, from what customers see to what they don't see, like operating agreements, meeting minutes, and compliance paperwork. Get more for your business, more privacy, more guidance, and more free resources with Northwest Registered Agent. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the United States with over 1 ,500 corporate guides, and they have real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way.

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36:58Don't wait until next year. Give your family the gift of security today with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com. Okay, Jill, I have heard you say people are afraid to put pen to paper and say, what am I spending my money on and what do I actually need? why do you think people are so scared to take a hard look at their finances? Because this is something that I see too. Yeah. I mean, I think we're really tough on ourselves, number one. I really do. I think that as much, when you talk about spending or consumption, it's like you're making a value judgment of yourself. It's like looking at yourself in the mirror and no one, I mean, probably Henry looks like a very good looking guy and good in shape and all that, but not many of us feel super comfortable, like bearing ourselves and looking hard.

37:50And I think when you're looking at your spending, you look, you're looking very hard in the mirror and you make value judgments and you feel ashamed. You're almost embarrassed. I was with a friend of mine who was a highfalutin lawyer. And I mean, she makes so much money and she's like, I don't know, like, you think I could retire? I'm like doing the math in my head. I'm like, uh, yeah, I mean, I kind of know how much money you have. I said, well, how much do you spend? She goes, oh, I don't know. And so I said, how could you, how could you actually even like, do you have an idea? No, I know. And I said, well, here's what I'm thinking.

38:29I'm thinking you got this house, you have this house, you have this, you have three kids, you got three private schools. I said, you know, so, you know, here's what I think you spend. Now you got to figure, and she was like, well, how'd you do that so fast? I said, because I have no judgment of the way, about the way you spend your money. I could care less. But what you do is you stop and you're like, oh, that's bad. Like, how could I have spent that much money on a vacation? Or, oh boy, I can't believe that. And, you know, funny thing is, when I was a financial planner, I would always laugh about this part of the process.

38:58It's the one universal need that everybody has to kind of go through this process of like, well, what do I need? What am I spending money on? interestingly enough the pandemic was a wild lesson in the difference between what you need and what you think you need because what you needed even in the beginning of the pandemic when people were freaking out it's like i need a roof over my head i need to you know i don't even need to pay my utility bills on time because if like i lost my job in the middle of the pandemic i was going to get a little forbearance i was gonna but i need a roof over my head i have to feed my family to keep my family safe.

39:37That's kind of what your basic needs are, right? And then everything else is sort of gravy. And what I thought was interesting is, you know, I'm sure you guys are familiar with all the statistics, you know, US citizens saved in excess of$2.7 trillion in the pandemic. Why? Because we were stuck at home, we had nothing to spend money on, we got stimulus checks, and everything was great. But we also like, in that moment, wasn't there a lesson in what you really do need. And the difference between what you need and you want is something that is important. I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't spend the money the way you want to spend it, but you should know what your number is.

40:15And it's much more important for you to understand what you really, you know, I need$80 ,000 a year to live because that's, you know, I can pay all my bills. Everything's good. And when people say that to me, they'll like, well, I could cut it back to this. You know, I spent a hundred now, but, uh, I could cut it to 80. I said, don't cut it back. Let's just run your numbers. Assuming you want to do exactly what you want to do. You don't want to change a thing. Then let's see, then you can make different decisions because maybe you want to spend that money. Maybe you want to do that, but it is, we're, we're kind of tough on ourselves.

40:47And I think that having the information about your consumption or your spending is kind of a critical part of your reset. Because if you don't have that, you're kind of taking a big risk. And we don't want people, I mean, it's okay to risk. I'm a risk taker with my career and my life, but I would hate to take a risk without understanding what that risk really was. I wholeheartedly agree. What I love about how you explain that and how you talk about it in the book is it's drawing attention to how emotional, like, I mean, and you do a great job of never saying the word, but the B word, right? Drawing attention to how emotional budgeting can be.

41:29And I'd never thought about it like that before. And when I was listening to you say it, I immediately thought, well, this is what took you so long to sit down and actually do it. There was so much emotion tied to it that it was like almost draining before I ever even started. And so I just told myself that I would go into the exercise, not emotional. And I remember you referencing like, Hey, you just write down your debts. I'm not saying you have to do anything about them right now, just write them down. Right. And there's so much power in doing that. So I love, I love that approach and how you help us all address that, how emotional that really is.

42:03And it's perfect to lead into like what your fabulous five is. Cause like, it's essentially a blueprint. So talk to us about the fall, walk us through the fabulous five and what that means of how it relates. Well, because I'm in network news, I have to have a catchy title for that. So that's why I had that. So, you know, listen, every time I'd have a conversation with somebody, so it would be like, Mindy and Henry are on the phone. They're a couple. They're asking me these questions. And I would just run through these, like, what do you have? And I'd ask these questions. And I was like, oh, these are actually five real steps.

42:35And that's how I listened to a lot of the podcasts that I had, you know, use these, I use these conversations to kind of remind myself the process that became very natural to me. So the first step in the Fabulous Five is to really calculate your resources, meaning not just the assets, not just I have this much in the bank, I have this much in retirement, I have this much in my house is worth this much, but also your income. Because often when you are, when you're looking at your resources, the funny thing about that is that people will often overlook the value of the benefits they get. And then when you don't have them, you're like, Oh my God, that was worth so much.

43:20I didn't realize it. And ask anybody like who's self-employed to, you know, like, Oh, it was pretty sweet when the employer was, you know, I might've had to pay something for my health insurance, but it's not as much as I have to pay all on my own. And so when we talk about resources, I think it's assets and it's also your income and it's your benefits. And that's just, again, we're just making a list. This is not math, no math promise. We're making a list. So that's all we need to do. The second step is just, again, we looked at the left side of your balance sheet. Let's look at the right side, your debt.

43:54List them out, list out whatever it is. Don't judge it. Don't be like, oh, I can't believe I still have credit card debt. So what? You do. You are where you are. Who cares? I am not a finger wagging personal finance person. I couldn't care less. I actually, the funniest thing I once asked somebody, it was like, how'd you get that much debt? Did you have fun? And he's like, you know, I did. And I was like, okay, good. At least he had fun. So we want people to just understand what is the, what are the debts that are out there lingering? The third step is to really think about your housing situation.

44:28And I point this out not so much as a, as an asset kind of as a house as an asset, but I think more that sometimes we learned a lesson amid COVID about like, our homes are now our offices in some cases. So what does that housing situation look like? Or, gosh, I really felt so far away from my, my aging parents, I don't feel comfortable with that. Like, that's something I need to address. Or, you know what I learned? Every one of my friends went off and bought a house. I am not that person. That's not something I really want to do. So that's a very important piece. Then, of course, the fourth step is to consider your spending habits, which is our whole consumption conversation, which, you know, look, it's not fun, but you just have to look at it and have it down.

45:16It's a piece of paper. Finally, you know, when we think about making these big changes, there are other people who were inevitably involved and affected by it, right? So if Mindy and I are married and we said to our kids, you know what? We're going to pay for half of your college education. That's what we're going to do, right? And then I say to Mindy, honey, I'm blowing up my life and I'm not going to make as much money and therefore we can't pay for the kids' college. Well, you know what? I already told the kids I was paying for half of college. So how do I feel about that obligation that I made?

45:52Like, what do I feel in that moment? Can I break that obligation? I mean, people break obligations all the time, but, you know, did you tell your siblings that you were going to help out in terms of like, again, your aging parents, where you're going to try to do something different? I think it's important when you're making a reset to check in with the people who would be impacted by that and, and ask yourself that question. Hey, wait a second. Does that blow up a game plan that someone else is following? And I think it's really important for spouses. When I've talked to people, usually they've come on and they're sort of on the same page.

46:30But sometimes every so often it would be there was a little friction where I would talk to somebody and, you know, one would say, I'm on board. Let's go. Let's do it. And the other would be like, I'm worried. I'm worried. I need to be convinced. And you have to be on the same page. If, you know, I presume you want to stay in your relationship, you have to be on the same page and be able to navigate that. It's a scary conversation. And it's also really scary, obviously, if you have, if you have a lifestyle, if you created a life with your family. So now I'm married to Henry. Henry and I are married.

47:09We have three kids. We live in a nice neighborhood. And now I want to try to do something different. and that difference may be something that Henry's like, I'm not on board with that. I didn't sign up for that. We have a life. I love our life. Like let's, is there a plan B here? And that's one other critical aspect of having a reset. It's not an all or nothing calculation. There are many permutations to resetting your life and you can confidently go through this process and feel like You're going to come to a different outcome and then come back and be like, you know what? I like where I am. I don't want to actually, the change that I think I want may be more than I can bite off right now.

47:55Maybe I can do a half step and get myself towards that end. So we have people that are listening to the show right now who are thinking about their finances. They're saying, I want to make a reset. how do you start to plan a reset or start to think about a reset? Well, I mean, the first thing you do is you buy my book. And what's that book called again? It's called The Great Money Reset. Thank you for asking. I think that you run through the numbers first. I really do think that the Fabulous Five is like a great place to start because it's concrete, you know, and when you think about that, you're going to spend a bunch of time thinking about your, you know, whatever it is you decide you want to do, right?

48:38We have to have a goal in mind. But, you know, you go through those five steps. You look at your spending. You may come to that and be like, you know, I need to go ask my boss for a raise because I'm actually just underpaid. Or you might say, you know what I really need is I need some more education and I need to think about that. Or you may find that you need to like you're thinking about I want to start a business and maybe it's too dramatic to just jump out of your real life job and start a business. So I think that the steps that I lay out are a way to walk through a process that will hopefully give you more information on the other side.

49:16And it may or may not result in a major reset. It may be a mini reset. It might be a reset in just your own way of thinking about your life. and I think it is vitally important that as you go through the process that you again you don't judge it that you are open-minded that you realize that there are parts of this process that maybe you're not even thinking about you might again you might be like hey I'm gonna I'm gonna take a step back in my income and then I say to you well that's great because now we can convert your traditional IRA into a Roth IRA, and we're going to convert it at a lower tax bracket.

49:55So really, you know, the IRS code is going to help you out. It's going to be your friend. And so I think that as I wrote the book, I realized that there were a lot of different ways to do this. And we just want to give people choices. It's opportunities. You know, what is, again, we talked about this financial independence is truly about giving you opportunities and options. So here's what I think I'm hearing. Getting started, it's all about getting it down, writing it down, right? So going through that fabulous five, and that might lead you to go and solve a problem that you either didn't know exist or solve a problem that you knew existed, just hadn't faced the facts yet, right?

50:35And then you can make your plan. And so talk to us a little bit about what do you think is, like, what's the thing you want to leave the audience with any advice you would want to give them to follow up on those action steps? You know, listen, one of the things that has always helped me is to have kind of a buddy to walk you through the process also. And like, I'm that person that when people come on the program, I think that often they are not coming to me as Jill Schlesinger, CBS News Business Analyst, Certified Financial Planner. It's kind of like my Aunt Jill role. So, you know, that like I'm your friendly aunt who is going to kick your ass if you're not, if you're not being real with yourself, but it's going to be kind and loving and is going to try to help you understand what the opportunity is.

51:25And I think that it is really good to have people like that in your life. For me, it was a friend of mine, Maureen, who is, when I was trying to figure out, you know, I was a financial planner and an investment advisor, and I had owned a company for 14 years and I'd sold the company. But part of the job of running my company was I would appear on TV. I hosted a radio show and it was a great way to get business in the door. And when I sold the company, Maureen was just so helpful because she would ask me these questions. She's like, well, tell me about what you like about your job. And I was like, you know, I really like the whole money management is kind of boring to me.

52:04I've been doing it for a long time. I know it sounds funny because it's like people think that's the sexy part. It's the most boring part. and um and i was like i really like this media stuff it's really interesting it's so impactful right that was the thing that i realized that like one-on-one with the client is amazing but when you have a broad way to reach people you are so able to really touch so many more folks and give them what i think is sort of like the easiest message in the world like you can do this right Right. And so she so Maureen's like, you need a pink binder. I'm like, what's a pink binder?

52:39She pulls out like a three ring binder. And the, you know, this is a little old school, but like we would put we put tabs in it. And she's like, for the first part, she wrote money down. And she's like, you know, your money stuff, you fill this in. And then she said, you know, now let's do a tab for television. Let's do a tab for radio. Let's do a tab for writing. Let's do a writing down everything you, every person you think you should be talking to about making this reset and who can give you feedback and what you need to do. And it was a way of organizing myself. It was a way to kind of put my hopes and dreams into action items.

53:18And I think that that's really the issue that we do get stuck. And we'd maybe, and it's not even like so much work. It's just that you have to get over the hurdle and take little bite-sized steps that you can, uh, then you can do this and, and understand that it, it, it may lead you to a place you never could have imagined. I think that's the coolest part. Like, I don't know your story, Henry. I don't know your story, Mindy. I think that if you met me, um, you know, 15 years ago, before I was this person, I was running a little business and I was making a pile of money and that was great, but I was running this little business and to imagine that, you know, there are two Emmy awards and two Gracie awards and there's a huge audience and a fun job and wonderful colleagues and the best executive producer in the world of my podcast and my radio show.

54:10Like I couldn't have imagined that. I didn't know where this would lead. And it is shocking to me that, um, I think that, and, and sort of sad that I feel like so many people shut themselves off to the potential and it doesn't have to be a huge leap. It has to be a considered choice. And it does mean some work. It does mean that you're going to have to run through some analysis and you're going to have to kind of get real with yourself. So I'm not a therapist. And I think that the problem with the emotional part of money is, you know, money's concrete, right? So, so much of our emotional life can get projected onto this concrete thing called money.

54:53It's why couples fight about money. They're not fighting about money. They're fighting about a million other things, but we can express it over money or that someone told me recently like, oh, I just had this huge fight with my father about money because, you know, he won't tell me the details of his financial life and he's 90 years old and this is ridiculous. And I said, well, he's just fearful. He doesn't want to talk about his death and we have to find a way in. That's it. That's what's happening. So often this fight, this thing or this worry and this anxiety and it's money because money is concrete and I can just push out my emotions and push it onto money.

55:27And we can untangle those emotions from the reality and then you can have more control over it, which is kind of fabulous. Jill, I love everything that you have said. This is going to take work if you wanna change your financial situation. And I love that you're not sugarcoating that. You will have to do the work, write down the numbers, figure out where you are, where you want to be, and make a plan to get there. But it's not insurmountable. You can do it. And like Justin Donald said a couple of episodes ago, live life by design, not default. And I think your book will help our listeners get themselves to the design that they want.

56:12Jill, where can people find more about you? Everything in my life, not everything, But many things in my life are on my website, jillonmoney.com. And, you know, that's where I write. That's where I put my video segments. You know, when you want to see, you know, does, like, my mother likes to go to the website sometimes and she'll say, like, I didn't like your hair in that segment. You know, who did your hair in that segment? So TV stuff, radio, two podcasts, lots of writing, resources. And, you know, anyone who wants to write a question for me and to come on the program, we have a little contact us button.

56:50So if anyone wants to do that, and of course you can buy the book there if you so desire. And the book is called The Great Money Reset. Change your work, change your wealth, change your life by Jill Schlesinger. Jill, thank you so much for your time today. I really appreciate you. And we will talk to you soon. Thanks so much for having me. It was a blast. You guys are great. All right, Henry, that was Jill Schlesinger. That was so much fun. Holy cow. I could have talked to her for another hundred hours. I love her. She's my new favorite best aunt friend. I would be hurt, except she is so amazing.

57:23I will let her be your favorite. I love her advice. Write down your numbers in a nonjudgmental way. Facts are facts. Just write them down. Bam. This is how much I make. If you make$100 ,000, great. If you make$20 ,000, great. That is a fact. That is not an opinion. It is a fact. Write it down. Do you have$10 ,000 in debt? That is a fact. Write it down. Write down your facts. Figure out what you want your dream life to look like, and then review your numbers and your life goals and make a plan to get from your current financial situation to the dream life. What is your next endeavor and what do you need to do to get there?

58:04I love her suggestions. I love her advice. And I love her. Jill, we love you. Henry and I both like equally. Besties. All right, Henry, should we get out of here? Let's do it. That wraps up this episode of the Bigger Pockets Money podcast. Oh my goodness. No, it does not. Henry Washington, what is going on with you and where can people find out more about you? Oh, awesome. I get a moment in the sunshine. Yes, you can find out more about me on Instagram is the best place. I'm at the Henry Washington on Instagram, or you can check out my website at henrywashington.com. Now that wraps up this episode of the Bigger Pockets Money podcast.

58:43He is Henry Washington, and I am Indy Jensen saying see you later, alligator. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give us a five-star review on Spotify or Apple. And if you're looking for even more money content, feel free to visit our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash BiggerPocketsMoney. BiggerPocketsMoney was created by Mindy Jensen and Scott Trench, produced by Kaylin Bennett, editing by Exodus Media, copywriting by Nate Weintraub. Lastly, a big thank you to the BiggerPockets team for making this show possible.