Alli Webb: I Sold Drybar, Then My Life Fell Apart

0:00You know, called to be transparent about all this stuff, announced, you know, that I had a facelift three months ago.

0:06Alli Webb:I love that for you. I had a tummy tuck. I've never said that out loud to anybody. Ever. I read a lot about your background and where you came from and what you were doing, and you were actually going and blowing drying hair. I'm a hairstylist for 30 years. Do you ever look back and you're like, oh my god, I used to go door to door blow drying hair, and now I have this like multi, multi, multi million dollar business that I sold. I was a dick for a long time. It's like, who fucking cares about being right? Like, let's just be love and like, be good to each other. I remember my kids saying, we don't know what version of you we're gonna get.

0:36It crushed me.

0:37Alli Webb:You know, we talk about having it all. And you know, this whole notion of work-life balance, which I think is bullshit. I don't think that's a real thing at all. Literally a chapter in my book is called Balance is Bullshit. Welcome back to the BILF pod, where authenticity trumps authority. Here on the BILF pod, we love to highlight anyone from women in the boardroom to icons to co-founders to authors which leads me to this brilliant guest that I have today I have Miss Allie Webb she is beautiful a ball of energy welcome I mean you have an incredible story from Drybar which I used prior so good I know because of you and and your product innovation and now you're doing messy which we'll get into but welcome to the build pod girl thank you thanks for having me yeah I'm so excited that we made this work too so I'm just gonna dive in it's okay yeah I'm just gonna go for it right yeah just why not right who cares so um you know funny enough I did read about you and like I read a lot about your background and where you came from and what you were doing and you were actually going and blowing drying hair that's how this all started well I have a hair status for 30 years that is so do you ever look back and you're like oh my god I used to go door-to-door blow-drying hair and now I have this like multi multi multi billion dollar million dollar business that I sold to what you're doing now do you ever look back and think yeah I mean it's you know I especially now that I have kids who are at that stage of life where they're trying to figure out what the hell they want to do with their lives you know I mean for me when I was my boys are 19 and 21 and when I was 18 and everybody was going to college I was like I don't want to go to college but what the hell am I going to do um and I you know I tried a lot of other careers and ultimately like I just I grew up in South Florida and so my you know that humidity like just wreaked havoc on my hair that's why we're weave yeah but you know and and for me it was like I was I always was trying to teach myself how to do a blowout and it just I just I never got good at it until I finally decided to go to beauty school when I was like 19 or something and really fell in love with the entire industry and you know and then I moved back to New York I moved to New when i was 18 went back home when i was around 20 and my brother and i started um we worked for nicole miller when we lived in the city which was like 30 years ago and she was like in her heyday and then i was working you know retail i mean we owned the stores but i just i didn't love it and then i was like you know the only thing i really love is doing is doing hair and i really want to learn how to get better at it and arguably blow out my own hair so long story short i moved back to new york i worked for john sahag who was like one of the biggest iconic hairdressers of that time i feel like today's generation doesn't know him but he was really the pioneer of dry cutting and he was like the guy for so many years so i worked in hair salons forever you know and then i got married when i met my ex-husband when i lived in new york and we moved to la and i had my my kids and when my kids were like two and four i started this mobile blow up business where i was just like i gotta do something for myself for sure totally it was like you know i i really thought i like hit the jackpot being able to be a stay-at-home mom and you know be with my kids all day and I and I did love that but after like three or four years of that I was like I gotta do something for myself again I just felt like I was you know just so antsy for that so I resonate I totally get it yeah so I you know I think a lot of women do it's like it's I love being a mom and and I mean I arguably better more now though I like that my kids are older how old are your kids Mine, I have one that's 18, one that's 15, and one that's eight.

4:12Alli Webb:Yeah, well, you've got the whole spectrum. Second marriage, girl. So anyways, you know, I just, you know, wanted to start doing something. So I started this mobile business, which, you know, would eventually lead to the start of Drybar. So yes, I mean, to answer your question, now, 16 years later, after we started Drybar, and Drybar, you know, became this massive success, you know, and my life has fallen apart several times. and, you know, I'm sure you can relate. Oh, I know all about it publicly. Yeah, yeah, you know, it was rough. My now son, who's 21, who's doing great, went to rehab when he was 13.

4:48You know, my marriage broke up, my mom died. It was just crazy, crazy timing. And all the while, Drybar was really thriving. And we sold the company in 2020, like moments before the recession, which was also wild. And so it's been a journey. And, you know, with that, like, you know, I changed so much as a human and I also kind of kind of lost the you know it's like I had spent my whole life on the hunt for a great blowout and then invented this place that did it and then I was like I don't think I'm into that anymore you know which is so my personality to just be like I'm gonna try something new and and I I just didn't know how to do my hair any other way but my hair you know over the course of the 10 years of building dry bar just it it just got very damaged you know because I was so much heat styling so many blowouts and I like being blonde so it was it just doesn't all work you know and so as when COVID hit and I just sold dry bar and I was in a real identity crisis um and I think just because I wasn't going anywhere I I stopped blow drying my hair you know and it was like huh and my hair started growing and I started doing masks and I started playing with it and that's when I was like couldn't find products that I loved for like what I wanted my hair to do and that was really how like the idea for messy my my new product line was born that's about a year ago yeah i'm listening to your story and i resonate

6:11Alli Webb:so much you know i i was in business with my husband my ex-husband we had a very public divorce like throughout this company like in the company we work with which was like mortifying a meltdown i mean i wasn't i was not financially stable though at that point and got into you know the insurance industry same thing like you know you go balls to the wall you're ready you're going you're going and then one day you wake up and you're like wait what's next like I always feel like I want more it never is enough like what am I gonna do next so then I did like I competed in in like the WBFF and it's just like never what it's like bodybuilding oh wow yeah bodybuilding thank you I did that it's always something like some some crazy thing well I think there is like a personality type of an entrepreneur or whatever whatever you're a type that yeah definitely a type that it's just like you know it's interesting when you say I always want more I that I resonate with that but you know it's like I think there's like a negative connotation around that of like you're never satisfied nothing's ever enough where I actually feel like it's it's quite opposite it's like you're just always like it's like your brain just can't stop inventing and so and there's like so much reinvention and that's that's really how I feel I mean I I feel you like I come up with a new business idea every day and I'm like why hasn't someone done this why someone did this and like I should do this I mean if I started as like business as I think about you know and you have to you know figure out where you want to you know double down and and for me it was like hair obviously I'm really known for hair I really know hair very well I spent my whole life in this industry um and and you know and I'm always exploring other things as well but but I get that you know it's like there's just there's just so much to do I feel I I get it because it's not like it's not that nothing is perfect for me it's that I always feel like if you're not growing then what are you doing you're stag that's really what it comes down well and i think that that i actually think what you said is is actually true that when you look around and i think it's i think it's changed a lot in the last like 15 years but like when we started dry bar like part of what i think made dry bar as popular as it was was like the branding and yes we were doing great blowouts at an affordable price but it was like we created a brand like a love brand yeah at that time 16 years ago you couldn't like name brands like that the way you can now.

8:29It's like the sprinkles of the world and these brands that are so iconic. They, you know, so many of them have come. Like now when you think of like Glossier or, you know, other brands that you're like, you just fucking love them. But there's so much that goes into that, you know, and that just wasn't really a thing that I understood back then. But now I look at businesses and I'm like, this could be so much better, whatever the thing is. And that's what I tell other entrepreneurs because I mentor a lot of entrepreneurs. and I'm like, it doesn't matter if it exists. You know, it's like, you know, you don't have to create the iPhone.

9:00Alli Webb:You don't have to recreate the wheel. Yeah. You just make it better. You just make it better. And there's just so much opportunity. It's funny being in New York, too, because I've lived in L.A. for like 20 years and then I recently moved to Tennessee, which I actually love and I could not be happier being there because I wanted a slower pace. But, you know, just walking, I just like, I still remember, it's like walking around New York and there's just so, it's just so much, you know which I remember when I wanted to leave New York I was like I just need more proximity like spatially and you just you know you walk in places and it's like it's also very New York like it's like they're just not thinking about the experience and that was why you know Dry Bar was so special I think is that it was we created this experience which was like how clean it was like how you were treated the way it looked the way it smelled the way it felt like the music level like all of those things and it's still today it's it's pretty shocking to me how many businesses don't take that into account and that's why so many you know I mean I don't know the statistic but I know it's high of businesses that fail it's like 50 percent yeah it's it's so funny that you say it I've actually been in a dry bar I've gotten my hair done there and what's wild is the color like you don't forget because of the color the the big yellow I mean that yellow well and that was you know very intentional because most hair salons are like black and white and smoky and dark and whatever and I was like and that was something that I really learned from my ex-husband who was a you know branding genius it was like we looked at what other hair salons historically were doing and we're like oh we're gonna go do the opposite which is the same advice I still give people today I'm like so funny which is which is very similar what to what I did with messy you know it was like so many hair brands are you know trying to get your hair to do this and do that and change and whatever and I was like no let's get your hair let's like love the hair you have I'm not trying to change your hair I'm trying to make what you have better as opposed to like, let's go change your hair to something else.

10:51Alli Webb:Or wear extensions, you know, whatever. Well, and I was telling you before, like we have this product called Silk Revival Spray, which is basically vegan silk. And it like, if you're using a lot of dry shampoo and your hair gets very dry, you want something that like makes your ends feel better because that's just what happens when you're using dry shampoo and not washing your hair for several days, which is great. But you need a product that really helps like bring your hair back to life. And what I didn't plan for, which really happened, is like when I would put it on girls' hair who has extensions, it really makes the extensions pop and get shiny.

11:22So you'll love that.

11:24Alli Webb:I will definitely like reminisce and indulge in it. Who doesn't like good hair products? I mean, that's, and it's like the smell. I mean, the smell of the dry bar products were very iconic and people really fell in love with the smell. And, you know, I didn't know that I knew how to do that, but it was just, I was just following my instincts and like, this is what I like and hope the rest of the world likes it too. And it kind of followed the same playbook you know for messy but like creating something that is different within the sea of hair products you know now i don't know if you want to answer this or not because i work with my husband yeah do you think your second husband my second husband i work with my first one today we all are in the don't ask my life should really be a reality oh my ex i can't my ex-husband is around all the time but um which is so crazy but um do you when and i get this question a lot about working with my husband now they're like how do you how is it working with your husband and my answer is oh well, that's all I know because my husband, I recruited him into the business and we were just friends.

12:19But do you feel like part of maybe why you got divorced

12:23Alli Webb:is because you guys worked together or it had nothing to do with it? No, I mean, we shouldn't have gotten married, truly. Fair, fair. You know, I mean, we were so young. Yeah, that was like my first husband. Yeah, I mean, and it's so interesting now. It's like, I mean, my kids are luckily not in serious relationships right now and I'm so glad because like, and it's just not like, they're they're much more interested in their careers and what they're figuring out which I think is beautiful I mean I was like wanted a husband wanted so did I I did the same thing different for girls but you know what I have learned and I've been married twice married and divorced twice and I'm in a very happy relationship now and with the love of my life I love that for you it's all worked out very well and and and really I think the way it was supposed to but you know I was so young when I, and I was 26 when I met him.

13:12And it's like, you know this, it's like you just go through so much life. And you change so much from your 20s and 30s and 30s and 40s and 40s. I mean, it's just like, so, I mean, I don't regret any of it, you know. But it was hard, you know. It was a lot, but it was, you know, a lot of learning. But no, I don't think we got, I think actually building Drybar together probably kept us together. you know because we had we you know we raised we were raising these kids and then we started this business and our whole life just got turned upside down in the best way um i think it was really more towards the end of when i knew we were we were gearing up to sell and i was going to step away from the business and i was like oh this is not forever for me you know and and he knew it too um and even our kids weren't that surprised you know and i i think it's you know you hear a lot Maybe not as much as we used to, but I feel like you hear a lot of people say, we're saying together for the kids.

14:08Alli Webb:Yes. Which I just don't really subscribe to that. I don't subscribe to it. I understand that some people want to do that and can just kind of make it through. But I feel like in my case, in my situation, I'm only talking about me, we fought a lot. We fought a lot in front of our kids. And I remember feeling like, I don't want my kids to feel like this is what love is. I agree. now they've seen me very much in love and I'm just I'm a very different version of myself I mean I'm at like 3.0 now you know because I had a fucking lot to learn I mean I was a dick for a long time like I was you know I was learning who I was and I was you know and I always say to my boyfriend now I'm like you are by far getting the best version of me you know because for me it's like it's not about being right anymore like it's like who fucking cares about being right like let's just be love and like be good to each other it's like but the version the 1.0 version of me was like you know I was just different you know and so I and and now you know I mean listen my kids have seen me go through a lot they've been through a lot and and I think they're much more discerning about getting into relationships and like you know I mean my my older son I feel like I say that now and like I could see him being married in no time he wants he wants kids so bad and you know so who knows and I and I feel like you know listen everybody needs to take their own path but for sure and I think that you have to like for me at least like I had to fail and go through all these things I don't think that I would would have been as successful if it just if I was out the gate and the anomaly and I had all of this success because I wasn't successful at all for a long time I think I think the trick is is like if you can grow with somebody and I think it's hard it's just hard to you know you're just gonna grow at different paces and you're gonna want different things and you know I have girlfriends who you know are going through divorces and they're like and this is very much how I felt it's like I became a different version of myself that I wasn't when he met me for sure and I don't know that he liked that version so much and vice versa and I think that that's what happens when you marry so young and you don't know who you are yet and you're about to go become whoever you're becoming and either you're taking the person with you or you're not or you're not and they're growing in a different direction they want a different thing it's like and it's cool it's like it's okay like everybody should embrace for sure that you know I think also the other thing is is you know the the sad part is women today there should be more women entrepreneurs which is sad I know it's growing it is growing but I would say and I'll ask you because you're like the biggest entrepreneur real bilf that I know um but you know we talk about having it all and you know this whole notion of work-life balance which I think is bullshit I don't think that's a real thing at all I literally a chapter in my book yeah it's not I don't think yeah I oh look see there I'm just a sister sister after my own heart but I don't think it's a real thing I think there's work-life priority but you know the biggest question I would ask you is having it all is it do you think it's possible to have it all well yes and no you know I agree with you about the balance part and I think it's like I I feel like balance is just such a weird word it's like I'm not I'm not striving for balance like for me it's like I I literally was and I keep bringing up my kids but I'm just so close to my boys and I was talking to my son who's my older son Grant who's 21 and he's he was he's been you know he's at that stage where he's figuring out what he's doing and we were talking on the way over and now he's got a lot of things going on and and I was like isn't that exciting you know it's like I I love the chaos like I love me I thrive I know I finally admitted like I like the drama and the chaos I love it I love it I think that that's part of my you know like we were talking before like our the DNA of like a type a really driven successful women it's like you just like having your hands in a lot of things and And I always do.

18:03I always have so many things going on. Some of them work. Some of them don't. Some of them I like. Some of them I don't. You know. But I love that momentum and excitement. Like that's what like gets me going. It's trial and error. You can't.

18:14Alli Webb:I feel like if you're just stagnant with one thing. And I think people in general don't realize that it's okay to throw a whole bunch of rods out there and to kind of see and figure it out. It's trial and error. See what sticks. I don't think anybody is. But I think that there's, you know, there's a lot of people who don't feel like that. And thank goodness for those people because those people are potentially like, I just want this job. I want to know what – Which is great. Right. You need those people in the world. I mean, it is what makes the world go round. But so I don't even think about balance.

18:41You know, it's like some days it's like everything's really great and things work out the way they're supposed to and it feels like everything's kind of going along. And then some days I'm like, ugh, I'm so tired and I don't have any energy and I don't want to do anything. You know, I mean, it's just like every day is different.

18:53Alli Webb:That's important to say that too. Like it's not always – you know, what we see on Facebook, I call it fake book, you know, or like on social media is not always what we're going through either. It is okay to admit and allow ourself grace because there are days where I don't want to get out of bed or I don't want to do something or I just feel completely fucking unmotivated because everything seems to be falling around, you know? Yeah, and I mean, I have, it happens all the time. And I have to remind myself that like on days like that where it's just like I'm not motivated, I'm like bummed because one thing didn't work out or something I was excited about didn't happen, whatever it is and then so quickly that will turn and like it's something really exciting will happen I'll be like why was this you know it's so for me it's like less about balance more about like you know finding this middle ground of like I don't I don't get too excited about the good stuff and I don't I also don't let myself get too down about the bad stuff you know um but to answer your question about having it all I think I feel more like that in my life today than I've ever felt um I think because we're more seasoned yeah it's like we've been through so much life and and you know I have figured out much more at least who I am right now you know and and and who I'm becoming right now and like I you know this stage with my kids I you know you have some older kids you get it but it's like I really love it because they're too they're real people and like it's fun to watch it's fun to watch them figuring out their life and what they want to do and also being responsible so it's not like I have to and you have an eight-year-old too so you're still in that phase of like you got to do everything and drive them everywhere and and and then you know it changes when they become older and so you know and I feel like like I said I just moved to Tennessee and it's been a dream of mine for a long time to live out there and like all I want to do is ride horses and like I love horses so much so that's something I'm pursuing and that's something that I really love and just having lived in cities like New York and LA for the last 30 years being in a place where I like my backyard is all is a big yard and grass and trees and there's birds and animals like I love it so much and I and I knew that I wanted that and it was just a question of like how do I get there you know and I'm you know ridiculously in love and I'm like this is probably the closest I've ever been you know and I'm now I'm building this business that is in a different age of building a business which is there's a lot of challenges with it but But yeah, I feel like that more today than I think I ever have.

21:19Alli Webb:Yeah, I do too. I think it also comes with like internal love. Like you have to, I think it comes, there's a point, and I've talked about this before. You know, my uncle who actually lives here, he was like, he would always like laugh at me. And he's like, when you turn 40, you're going to see like the whole world's going to change. You're not going to give a shit. And you're going to be so comfortable in your skin that you're not going to know what to do with yourself. And I think it's true. And then you have this like finally at this, and it happened. And as soon as I turned 40, I had this like moment of like, oh, like I could breathe.

21:49Alli Webb:Like what you see is what you get. If you don't like me, that's cool. But for me, like once I had that internal love and I knew, like I know that I'm a good person, you might, I might not be everybody's cup of tea, but I know that my intent and I love me. Right. And I feel like once you feel like that, everything else kind of, you can have it all. You can be a woman that has it all. Like I talk about this all the time. You can be a hot mom and a hot, you know, and a hot wife and a hot wife that goes to the gym and have a business and then party on the weekends. Like, I feel like you can do that, but it starts with the internal love first.

22:20It's so true. It's so true. And that's, that's how I feel too. I mean, I'm, you know, the guy I'm with now, like I just, I never used to go out. Like I never used to do anything. We go out and we have so much fun and I'm like, oh yeah, it's just life is, you know, feels really fun right now and and I think and I think you're a hundred percent on the money it's like you do get to that point where you're like I love myself I don't need and I'm just I think it's also like self-awareness of like I I've done enough work on myself to know yeah there's nothing anyone can tell you about right like like I know when I'm being when I'm when I'm like being overly sensitive or I know my triggers now like I know the things and so I'm aware of it so I can be like yeah this is what's happening for me right now and like for me it's like you know not not to get too like psychoanalyzing here but like you know there's I'm sure you've talked there thought about like childhood trauma and things that have happened and not like I had anything crazy happen to me as a kid but there are things that like inform how I would respond and react in situations which were kind of childlike and I didn't have a grasp on that for many years until after my second divorce which was a rough one and I was like I now know that like when I'm feeling really sensitive and I can very easily go back into that little girl that just wants to pout and be a fucking brat and I'm like oh she's patty yeah I like to be petty yeah I know I I know I do need to name her that's I feel like that's of course I know I have Marla my alter ego is like Marla yeah Marla's a crazy yeah I needed to name mine because I have her she can but but I know her now and I'm like we're cool I'm like yep she's showing up and and the the the self-awareness piece that is like so important to me is like okay this is what's happening right now this is not real like you don't have to like give into this you know old like childhood way that like you don't get your way you're gonna pout and you're gonna make everybody miserable and like I would do that you know and I don't do that anymore because I am aware of it now so to your point like understanding who you are you know I don't think comes until later in life and then you start to build that self-awareness and you're like I don't want to be that person anymore it's the kids

24:36Alli Webb:that test you because once you see your kids acting like that like my daughter is exact replica of me and I'll see her do something I'm like wait a minute like who are you it's me though it really is me and I mean I have two boys but I see it in them too you're like what that tests your patience Like, I think if you can raise children, you can be a definite entrepreneur. It gives you a lot of patience. It makes you understand people. But, you know, the biggest thing, though, is you overcame a lot of adversity. And a lot of women, I mean, unfortunately, just I see it in my business and sales, they throw in the towel.

25:08Alli Webb:As soon as something happens, you know, they get their period, they can't come to work or they're having relationship problems or whatever the case may be. How were you able to just say, all right, I'm going through this shit, but I still got to keep it moving? Yeah, I mean, it was it was tough. I mean, there were when things had gotten really bad when my son was away and my mom had just died and I really hadn't like dealt with the grief of that yet because I was just not in denial. But I just was like, my mom died. I moved on and I was like, I got to just keep going, you know. And so I didn't really allow myself, I think, the time and space that I needed.

25:41But, you know, I mean, like you said, the show must go on. And I had a lot of stuff happening. But I remember being like, you know, filming something or doing something at Dry Bar and then like walking off set and just like like finding a bathroom and just bawling my eyes out because I was just that's just where I was, you know. And so I think it was like getting help. And, you know, and I did a lot of I did a lot of therapy. I went to this place called Onsite, which is actually was my first like touch point with Tennessee because it's out there, you know, read every book under the sun. And like, I just really poured into myself because I wanted to learn.

26:18Yeah. Like, and I think I remember saying at that, when things were really hard for me more recently in the last, like, I guess like three or four years ago, that I was like, I got to like catapult myself out of this. Like, I don't want to be this like sad puddle of a person, angry, bitter. Like, I just didn't want that to be me, you know? So I was like, I got to change that. That's also when I discovered like Joe Dispenza, which I don't know if you're familiar with him but or like Eckhart Tolle the power of now like the you know for me I got it got a little like scientific and if you aren't familiar with those books you should those guys you should read their stuff because it's very like the power of the mind and like we actually do have control of like what we say and what we do and how we show up and that and it's not out of our control you know and I remember I don't know where I saw this because I was very much down this rabbit hole of like being able to control your thoughts and how you show up and what you do.

27:14And it was like changing the neuroplasticity of your brain. And I was like, I will do fucking anything to feel better. So give it to me. You know, and it was like Joe Dispenza or whoever it was that I was listening to that time was like, if you're, when you get dressed in the morning, if you put your pants on with your right leg, start putting them on with your left leg. Say I love you in the mirror 25 times in the morning. Like that shit works. It does.

27:37Alli Webb:It is. Because when you say it out loud, it's belief. it really is i mean now there's so much and i don't know if it's just my feed because this is what the stuff that i love but it's like you know that like positive affirmations like today's going to be a good day like everything i want is coming to me like all of that stuff that we it's like what we feed our brains is what happens and i think that you know from all the stuff i learned it's like there is neuroplasticity is a real thing and like you if you are change it's like if you brush your teeth with your right hand start brushing it with your left just it just changes something in your brain and I don't understand the science behind it but but at that point when I started like embracing all the stuff reading about all this stuff I was like huh again I will try anything I don't want to be this like sad sack of a person that I was and and and it really also came from my kids who are very transparent with me and we have very deep conversations all the time and they were like I remember my kids saying to me once and this was like such a pinnacle moment for me because they they said we don't know what version of you we're gonna get I've heard this and I it it crushed me and I was like I don't want to be emotionally volatile to my kids I want to show up much more stable and consistent for my kids and so I really started doing a lot of work on myself and stopped being so reactive and stopped being like you know like that little girl who's like throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way or when she doesn't like something or just like so easy to fight and whatever whereas now I'm like so much more consistent consistent and my kids are like you change like and yeah well your energy yeah it reflects on them I don't realize that until my it's funny you said that my son said to me the other day I don't know I was in like one of my petty moods and I'm like I had the kids so young that I forget like you know we grew up together but there has to be a fine line so my son said to me the the middle one he's like we are based on your mood he was like so if you wake up shitty like in nasty he's like it reflects on all of us why don't you ever see that like and he was being really nice about it because he's the sweetest one he's right my energy that's how the little one gets up that's how the middle one that's how the big one and it all is reflective because we're like the center emotional volatility and it's so unhealthy no no it is no it's true i mean it's just oh i know now that you i mean and like bravo for him to be able to tell you that because it's like when you know that you're affecting someone that you love arguably more than anybody in the planet you're like fuck I don't want to do that because then it's like the kids and and you know I feel like I know so many adults I know so many people who dealt with that from their parents and god bless our parents they did the best that they could for sure but you know but it's like if you walk in a situation which I still struggle with this like you know it's like if you're okay then I'm okay and if you're not okay then I'm not okay yeah that is my that's been a big thing for me and I and I like I said I still struggle with that you know because I want it you know it's like you've read things that are like you know you don't have to let somebody else's mood affect your mood it's like that's very evolved and that's great but when you're a little kid you are taking your cues from your parents and if they're showing up like that then you're then you're scared you know and to be in that environment is exactly what my kids told me too and I was just like oh god I have to change that and it's not an overnight fix it's like you have to show them over and over and over again and it took me years even when you don't want to I know I have to stop being you have to really I try I did it this time you know what I did it this time shut my mouth I was with ease I'm here with my daughter and I just shut up and it worked yeah I really wanted to be petty I really did I know I mean and I remember doing it so much with my younger son like and my first husband would be like why do you fucking stoop to his level why he's six like why are you fighting with him like what are you doing I'm like and at the time I was like you You know, I'm like, he's wrong.

31:22You know, it's like, what was I thinking? You know, and now I'm just, you know, to your point about being petty, like I just don't do that anymore. Yeah. And I, and I want to show up, you know, as like, you know, a good, like, not to say that they see my feelings, like, but I mean, even with my kids now, I've gone so the other way that I used to be this parent that was like, I know better. I've lived all this life. I can tell you, blah, blah, blah, like on my pedestal. and now when my kids come to me and they talk to me and they want like whatever's going on I don't say like what I actually think I'm like do you want to know what I think do you want my thoughts on it sometimes they say no I'm like okay sometimes they say yes and I'm like here's what I think take it or leave it versus the like you should do this and this is what you should do otherwise they're not going to listen and that really shifts things and I see my friends with younger kids who are like still in that like you have to do it this way and the kids are like fuck you I'm going to go the opposite way yeah I agree

32:18Alli Webb:That's the one area I do I would say I thrive in is like I don't push anything on them. I'm kind of open. I'm pretty open when it comes like they know it's a safe space to talk to me. Yeah. It doesn't matter how bad, how good. It doesn't matter. And you'll be close with your kids. I'm very close. Yeah. I'm super close with them. The same way you don't on your – I love my – I'm obsessed. Yeah. My boys would always tell me like they would – I mean to a fault. They would tell me things they were doing and I was like oh God. You know but they would say that their friends' parents don't tell them because they can't.

32:46Alli Webb:Yeah. You know, and I always wanted to be the mom or same thing, safe space. It's like when we were kids, like my parents were like, obviously well before Uber and all that. They're like, if you're drinking at a party, don't get in the car, you know, or whatever. Or call us. Yeah, call us. No questions asked. You know, you won't get in trouble. I don't know. I didn't do it. I was too scared. I thought I'd be in trouble. I did. And my parents were always like, cool. No, I did. I did. But I always thought that I was going to get. No, I never really got in trouble for it. But I was always scared.

33:10Alli Webb:Like it wasn't as open. Yeah. I think that's really what it was.

33:16that time now like me it's different times yeah but it is it's like if your kids feel like I mean there's like yes there's consequences things that they do but if they feel like they're not going to get berated by you then they're gonna talk to you you know I mean you're so successful in this

33:30Alli Webb:conversation alone is like outside of even success it just goes to show that you know successful people deal with what we deal with every single day we all have the same problems at the end of the day everybody does and I love that you're so open about it because a lot of the time people are So nobody wants to open up their book. You know, we want to talk about our trophy room, but we never want to talk about the trials and tribulations that we as successful women have to deal with. And I think as women, it's so much harder for us because we're wearing the hat as mom, as dad, as therapist, as friend.

34:01Alli Webb:Like we're wearing so many hats. And I always laugh. I'm like, my husband just gets to go to work and come home. You don't have to do anything else. He doesn't have to do the first day of school shopping and all the other stuff and the doctor's appointments and everything else. so it is like it's such a breath of fresh air to hear somebody that has exited who is you know has a great line out right now who's an author you know that is dealing with the same shit that every woman out there in america is dealing and mom well and i feel very like you know called to be transparent about all this stuff and i think to your point i think it does help other people and you know and i don't know where that came from of that you know transparency like i just announced you know that I had a facelift three months ago I love that for you I had a tummy tuck I've never said that out loud to anybody ever yeah never you know I mean and and the response was you know overwhelmingly positive from women who were like and and it was like listen I don't to my doctor who I'd worked with for many years like I don't want to look like somebody else I just want like to look like you want the skin I get it that's why I did it with my same thing yeah you know it's like you had three kids it's like I hated the skin yeah I didn't want any like Like everyone thought it was crazy.

35:10And I feel like if you can do it, do it. And if you don't want to do it, cool. Like I have no judgment either way. But, you know, the reason like People Magazine just did a story on it. And it was like the reason that I decided to talk about it publicly was not like for publicity's sake. It was to stop gatekeeping. Because I feel like, listen, me too. I look at, you know, I'm not going to say any names, but people who we know are quite famous who are beautiful. and you look at them and you're like how they look like that and it's not the skincare and it's not that not to say that good skincare isn't important good hair products it's all important it's a little work but they've had things done like so I don't know anybody who doesn't do Botox and whatever and then and again I'm not the poster child for it if you like it cool if you don't cool like don't come at me but I do think at least be honest about it you know when you see and I've gone down some big rabbit holes of like looking at people what they look like then what they look like now and I'm like you you obviously did something and cool you look amazing just say it be honest you know um and so for me I was like obviously not that I'm at that level of fame and like people looking at me but I'm like in my little corner I'm gonna tell the women who follow me you know this is what I did and this is why I did it and and I it took me a long time and a lot of research and I was I was in conversations with my doctor for about five years over this, and I finally decided to do it, and that was my choice.

36:38And later you can look at the post. It's crazy. Hundreds of –

36:42Alli Webb:I'm glad that you posted and you were authentic about it because I think the one thing for women, at least for me, I have to feel good and look good. Otherwise, I'm not performing good. I'm not. I have to. But it's also – I don't know if you know who Shot by Carolyn is. Carolyn Bondino. I could be saying her name wrong. She's a good friend of mine. she lives in LA and you know she's just this mom who um I you know I don't even know what she used to do but she just started about a couple years ago now she started posting on Instagram about this like get up get dressed even if you're just going to like the school drop offline and just and she and now she's got a huge following she's got all these deals she's so fucking successful and it's so great to see and she's like you know she'll post a picture of her in a bathing suit and she'll show her cellulite and whatever and she's beautiful and she looks great but she's like I I remember when she got her teeth done, like she got veneers and she was transparent about it and she showed it.

37:31And it was like, it's been really beautiful to watch her journey of success because she's just being like, you, you know, she's like, I feel better. And she, she's kind of known for like, she'll wear like, it's truly like 25 necklaces on. And so it's like, she's, and it's a lot. And you're like, what? But it, it's like her brand and it looks really good on her. And she's so unapologetic and people have really fallen in love with her. and I think it's like and her main messaging is like get up and get dressed and feel good about yourself you know and I always I feel like it resonates with me and I'm sure the millions of women who follow her now because for me I remember feeling like I don't want to go to the grocery store or wherever I'm going and not feel really good about myself first of all you don't know who you're going to meet you don't know what opportunity is going to come around but you want to feel the best version of yourself as much as you can which for me doesn't mean I mean this is it like I'm like a very casual like basic I like but I you know but this is how I like to show up and this is the best version of me and that's that's how what I always aim for and that's really what you know Caroline has been an inspiration to me for you know for doing that and I really think that women look to other women to like for permission and you know and to embrace who they really are I