From Rock Bottom to World Stage: Derek Warburton’s Story of Resilience & Impact

0:00Derek Warburton:I took everything that was horrible about my life and turned it. And so how can I turn everything around and not give back to the child that survived? Because I was, I wanted to kill myself.

0:32Welcome back to the BILF pod where authenticity trumps authority. And for those of you that are tuning in for the first time, my name is Mara Dorn and we are at the BILF. And if you don't know what that is, Derek, you want to tell me what it is?

0:46Derek Warburton:It's the boss you want to follow. I love it. Yes, the boss. That is the boss. But it's not me that it's not about me today. It's about you being a boss. And I am going to do the intro. So I'm going to take over because I know you love to take over. but I get to take over for one second. But I am here with my fierce, vivacious friend, Mr. Derek Warbutin. And you're just so much more than a friend to me. But first, I'm going to tell a little bit about your background. Derek comes from a small town in New Hampshire. He's a small town guy, just, you know, hanging out. And Derek, I mean, I've had such intimate conversations with him, and your story just in itself is incredible.

1:24Here you are, you come from this small town. You go to FIT and to this huge big city in New York City, and you find yourself in a completely different realm of people kind of just figuring things out, because I know growing up wasn't easy, and we're going to talk about that today and what that means for you today. But overall, just ended up turning his career into an amazing success. He's a known entrepreneur. He is, I mean, world-renowned. He's a celebrity stylist. I know you styled for Jessica Alba. You've done some of the Housewives. I mean, your career is endless because you're a true bilf.

1:59You really are so much better than me. Publisher of Gurus Magazine, Mr. Warbeaut Magazine, and the Los Angeles Inquisitor. So it just doesn't stop there. You are constantly going. Every time I talk to him, he's constantly on the run doing something, whether it's with Habitat for Humanity or for Bullying or for Pride. I mean, you're just endless and giving back. So without further ado, I am beyond honored to introduce my good friend. You have become such a special part in my heart. I love you. I think you know that I love you. Yes. Mr. Dare Borbue.

2:32Derek Warburton:Oh, thank you. So excited. I'm so happy to be here. This is so, first of all, I'm so proud of you because so many people are afraid to just start. Yeah. Or to reinvent or to just do something. Yeah. You know, and we are bilfs. And so being a bilf is really about just doing something, you know. And it's funny, you know, the last week or whatever, you know, we were just coming through the L.A. fires. And people had been frozen in place. And I was like, they, they, they, you. You do something. Yeah. Like they're doing this, they're doing that. No, you do something because it all starts with one person to build a community.

3:18Derek Warburton:You've done that. Yes, 100%. Can you talk about that a little bit? Can you just talk first a little bit about your backstory? Because I think it's so important for people to know that, number one, it's okay to be you. Because what's your famous, what is, don't be the best? Oh, don't be the best, be the only. Where does that come from? I want to know that. But start with your backstory because it's so interesting. And I love how you took a negative and you're just, you're just a ray of sunshine, a breath of fresh air. You really are the most positive light. I love your energy and you're impeccable to your word.

3:50Derek Warburton:That, that's all we have. I gave you a lot. Thank you. I know. I was like, whoa, okay. I know. I gave you a lot. You know, I just, it's so interesting that I have to say for myself, you know, one, I really lived in a space of just being, not believing my own light. Yeah. And I always used to say that I live in the light. I look for the light. And I never realized I was the light. You are. That took a long time. And, you know, I think people heal differently. I think people need to sit down. Some people, you know, you're always running. We're all always running. And that's why, you know, I always say that COVID was the best thing that happened to me.

4:41Derek Warburton:Because it was the first time in my life where I felt like I didn't have a choice. And when I did sit, instead of wallowing, I got to work. And that's when the real work began. but that's why it was so beautiful because it was like for the first time i couldn't do something else to distract from finding who you are my own love for myself and wow whoa you don't need to be on a lot of drugs you don't need 10 hours of therapy yeah you need to talk to yourself and i know it sounds crazy no i don't think it is crazy but when i tell you what i got out of that was the best thing that could have ever happened.

5:24Derek Warburton:You know, I forgave. That's important, right? Forgiveness is important. Not for you. Oh, 100%. You know, I forgave selfishly. Yeah. Because I forgave family stuff. I forgave things that people did to me. And that's okay. I mean, not for them, but you forgive for you. But you start somewhere. Yeah. You know, so it's okay to forgive selfishly. You know, when I was homeless as a teenager, living with my biological mother. And she had a very abusive partner mentally to me. And controlling to her, and always the excuse was my childhood was worse. And it was like, but that's not, your job is to break the cycle, which we've talked about today.

6:12Derek Warburton:I mean, I post a lot of inspirational things because I feel like that's my place in life is to try to help other people feel good about themselves as well. and you know a lot of times we all get caught in that crossfire of other people's trauma yes and so I don't blame those people for putting that on you but you have to know where it's coming from and so I just say got it move on it's fair you know and so but you can't allow that to be carried over because now you become the abuser yes because of that trauma it's our job to say fine now no you know now I'm gonna take this and grow from it and take what I need you know it's funny because everyone asks like all these very sweet things of me you know they'll be like how did you become this giving person how did you do this and how did you do that and I said well I took everything that was horrible about my life and turned it and so how can I turn everything around and not give back to the child that survived because I was I wanted to kill myself I love this is a true story I don't love that but I love what you're saying but I wanted to kill myself and I wouldn't have survived you know uh you you were at the guru's award you won a guru's award and my stepmom was there she was so proud of you thank you uh my dad um who was in a nursing home now unfortunately never got to really uh feel the love from me because I'd always kind of blamed him for a lot of things and um and I just felt defeated because I had a mother who allowed and then a father who just never really understood right you know but I put them in the same category and selfishly forgave because that's what all I could handle at the time you know And so with her, in the end, I left at 15 because my father and my stepmom, mom, I call her mom, took me in and saved my life.

8:24But with her, I did forgive her selfishly.

8:27Derek Warburton:And I'm not mad at it. I acknowledge the fact that she didn't know any better. I acknowledge everything that I got out of that situation because I was in a forest fire very similar to what we just went through here in LA and but I was in it running for my life with fire on both sides of me with a little dog that I now have a little dog and last two weeks ago I'm watching where there was a fire in our neighborhood and I could see over the roof the fire and I freaked wow you know and so i am constantly thinking about those days and a program came that was um from the fire department one to because i also got accused for that fire that her partner had set wow so here i am so terrified 14 13 um being accused of something that I didn't do already being put to all these other things.

9:34And so, you know, but if I hadn't gone through all of that, I wouldn't have started my program for the homeless.

9:42Derek Warburton:I wouldn't do all the work I do. I wouldn't give back to that childhood because I wouldn't be alive if that child didn't stay alive for me. And to do all of this and have this amazingly blessed, fun, like experiences like this like I get to have all these incredible cool fun experiences travel the world and have all this fun fabulous stuff because I went through that I love that and I love how you unapologetically own your past because have to but so many people don't do that they it's what was me oh so sad this happened but you didn't do that you totally took it flipped it and said okay this happened and I think that it's important for people to know too that you only have one set of parents in this lifetime you know you can pick your nose you can pick your friends but you can't pick your parents right right 100 and parents i know as a parent children don't come with a set of directions so parents do things whether it's cultural or that's all they know and children grow up you know angry with parents and whatever the case may be but i love how you unselfishly forgave your parents and you use that experience to propel you forward into doing things for the community and to use your story to help other people and that's why you're so relatable you know i just always feel like if we if we can't use what we have like these are the tools I have in my toolbox because I never thought I was the most talented I never thought I was the smartest I never thought I was any of those things but what I knew was that I was tactile I knew that I would never break but I could pivot I knew that I could bend you know I knew that I could just go with what I needed to do and any real entrepreneur any leader will tell you that that's all you need to be how many times did you fail oh still failing right and I have no problem failing you feel like you made it I'm fine you know that took a long time because I never feel like I've made ever ever because I never have enough but but at the same time there's always enough to give because I'll never run out of things to give you know somebody wrote to me last night and they're like you have this heart And I said, sometimes I have time, sometimes I have money, but I always have my heart.

11:58I love that. And because I do. And that never stops. It never stops.

12:01Derek Warburton:Kindness is free. Yes. And people forget that because kindness opens a million doors. Do you know how much I've gotten in business, in life, in love, in soul from my heart? Just because I am not afraid. and you know and like the speech i gave at the gurus awards where i said i sit in these rooms like people i get trust you know i'm not screwing you over you know and i know if i say something you know it you're delivering i am delivering every time and if i get questioned you know i'm gonna be like oh don't even question me because if i say i'm delivering we deliver always i've always been like that and but that's how you become a leader strength and and people need that because there's this world is filled with people that talk you to death nothing happens or they just lie and I don't work like that and and when you have that kind of trust that's how you can build a major organization that's how you can build a community where people can depend on you And we are in a time at this moment where if you don't have community, you're in trouble.

13:14That's true.

13:15Derek Warburton:Because we are in a very dangerous time. And no matter what side of the fence you're on, and, you know, I had a lot of friends at that inauguration. A lot. So I'm very in the middle. Yeah. I hear both sides because I have to. Right. Number one, I own media, so I have to be able to tell both sides. Right. I have to be able to honor both sides. And also, I have to be able to hear things, and I might not agree with everything, but if I don't know both opinions, I can't make an educated opinion. Yeah. You don't have to agree, but you can be agreeable. 100%. And people don't know that. I don't know how many people have lost friends and family over this election.

14:00How stupid.

14:01Derek Warburton:Business. All of it. So stupid. It's ridiculous. And, you know, just because we all hold different things dear to us. Which is fine. 100%. You know, I also think that people are not educated in the same way. Their needs are different. All different things. And so we all have to live together. That's what makes community. And I'm telling you, community moving forward. There was a very interesting article that I read two years ago by this very renowned journalist. And he was talking about how three billionaires flew him out thinking that he's giving a speech at this major forum. Right. They flew him to the desert.

14:55Derek Warburton:he gets in a car and they go an hour and he was in just an airplane hangar in the middle of the desert and the three of them were sitting in in this hangar alone he's driven in this car like an hour to this airplane hangar and the three billionaires are sitting there like gods of industry and they say we're scared of what's coming because we know what's coming because they're part of it yeah and they're like you know we are developing space programs and we have hangars and we have security and the writer is like well what's gonna happen when the mob come and they're worried about the mob right the mob coming and so we have enough food we have this now what like what's what what are we going to do and he's like well who is going to save you from the security right makes sense yeah so this is the point though you can't survive without community yeah and it's like why aren't you building farms because that's what's happening the smart people know that and the bigger a lot of the bigger ones that we don't know about because we all think we know the richest people in the world and we don't yes we know who allows themselves to be advertised because they need the pr the real ones don't need it and they don't want you to know yeah it's so true so they know that they they've all started and this is true they've all started community farming and they own miles and miles and miles and miles and miles of land and they're moving people there there's also sustainable cities being built as we speak in places like New Mexico, Arizona.

16:42Derek Warburton:And they're putting boards of directors together. And a friend of mine who has McEwen-Albright syndrome was asked to come in for diversity and for the people living with different types of mental, not mental, but physical handicaps. And so because everyone has to survive in this space, you know, and so cities are being built that can withstand any sort of attack or whatever's going to happen. You know, there's a lot of things that are happening that no one knows about, you know, and then, of course, there's space happening. Yeah, and that makes sense why you're so big on building your community.

17:30But what I love about your community is that it's so eclectic. it's not just one you know people sometimes stick to one you know specific type of group or you know specific gender or specific religion or whatever the case or whatever they're into but your group your community is so eclectic and what i've seen of it personally is that

17:50Derek Warburton:everybody's completely supportive but that's how it needs to be you know like when we do pride and we have a really special pride program and um it's called 30 voices 30 days we do 30 covers a cover every single day for the month of pride it's all digital uh mostly celebrity uh maybe influencer uh but what's really special about it is that it's really quality we we asked heterosexual men to join us you know we had three men this year um one of them being david arquette And we did two of his sisters, along with honoring Alexis Arquette, who died of AIDS eight years ago, and who was trans way before anyone ever knew Laverne Cox, who was also a cover, who I've known, got 20 years, who's amazing.

18:45Derek Warburton:and you know who was a Alexis was a real trailblazer you know working 1987 she was diagnosed when she was still living as a boy um with AIDS and worked was doing mainstream movies everyone knew and then transitioned and was in you know The Wedding Singer with Adam Sandler which you would never guess and you know she she kept going and that was really incredible and you know I want to honor lives like that I think it's I also my dream was to be a storyteller and that's what I love about this job you know and what's so great and that's why I love coming and doing things like this because you're a storyteller but that's why we're here that's what you wanted to do you know and that's what's beautiful about having these kind of platforms because you get to really hear other people's stories and therefore being a storyteller yourself and these these platforms and being able to tell stories makes young people have something to look up to.

19:49Derek Warburton:Because for so many people, like me especially, we didn't have that. We didn't get to see us. No, there was none of that. A lot of places. There was none of that. And a lot of these kids now are lucky enough to be able to see that, which makes their life so much better and so much easier. And that's all we want, period, for the next generation. not just for entrepreneurs, just for their lives, just to make all life better. And that's so important. Yeah, I want to switch gears for a second because I know one cause that's really important to you is bullying. 100%. And I don't think that people realize the residual effect of bullying.

20:29And I think, listen, growing up, I do think you got experience, but I'm not talking about bullying to like the ump degree. You got to get a little tough, but I know that you experienced it.

20:40Derek Warburton:Yeah. And the humility and just everything that happened, that came from it. I want to talk a little bit about your cause and where the bullying started and how you've used that now for your cause to make awareness about bullying and that it's absolutely not okay. Yeah, you know, it's funny because I will say the older I get, the more I notice that when you're living in it. it seems worse than what it is we did talk about that you were like i don't think it was that bad we did talk you know like i will say as i get older you know because i went back to my talk about healing oh yeah you told me i went back so all through high school i felt very bullied because i was already being bullied at home so i felt like nothing was safe right you know and i was homeless so let's just let's just add it up you know i mean so nothing felt safe and then as time went on you know I put myself in situations like for instance I was the first male cheerleader in our region in high school and at that time there was not many oh no forget it you know and it was they they didn't know what to do and but I did it because also at the same time I was always the same type of person as I am you know where I would just go and be brave about something and I was like I'll show you because I always uh-uh don't play with me you know because I will show you that I can stand up and I can really fight and but that's the thing you know I always demanded respect even bullied I demanded respect because I was just not going to go for that you know and and luckily I had a fire in me not everyone does you know and I just I when I did it I would you know go and do it and then the other team would tease us and then I would come back and our team would go and say he might be that but he's ours because that's very New England you know we stick up for our own yeah yeah and so I was always like that you know when there was a girl it's funny I was thinking about this recently it was a girl that I went to high school with who was horribly bullied and she couldn't get a prom date and I went to the prom with my best friend but we took her with us and to dinner and I actually I bought her corsage and took her to a fancy dinner with us and all of these things just because I just felt so bad and I knew what how she felt yeah no matter how bad it was but to me it was the way she was treated was just horrible and I know she never forgot it because she's on you know I see like she'll be on social and she'll right to me and whatnot and that that was really that was when i really started noticing what kindness can do like how simple it is yes it's nothing and it's like wow it doesn't take a lot you know and people don't don't think about it and nine times out of ten when people aren't nice or they're not kind it's because they have low self-esteem or again here we are in the space of you know they're they were something happened to them and they're treated a certain way and they you know they're it's an insecurity i think that's 100 what it is when people are bullying you because who deliberately goes out of their way i'm just thinking like when i was the mean girl i was mean because i was jealous right that's the truth like i was mean if i love that you can admit that yeah looking back like i i definitely was a mean girl and i was mean because i was jealous right 100 that's why it's a complete deflection and it's an insecurity whatever it was at that time and then people take that they carry it and then they project it on other people all the time right I love I just love how but I love how honest you are about it and I also love that you're like you know maybe it wasn't that bad but now today you do a lot of things with bullying don't you in the community of course I always have you know um I you know uh when they started they uh it gets better uh which was a video series that was done years ago when um Matthew Shepard originally was killed.

24:59Derek Warburton:And then also there was a student who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. And a video series started with this gentleman named Dan Savage. He was actually a sex writer. And he started this organization because it was like, enough is enough. And he got some fantastic public figures to come out and just do a video of hope. And so at the time, you know i had a new team and i said listen this is what i want to do and we invested our own money and i started a lounge in new york city uh during fashion week and i called everyone the cfda uh hearst everyone and so many incredible like gabby union who you know is a huge advocate she came she's amazing i love her uh judith light came who's amazing miguel came and did a video Eve, the rapper, came.

25:54Derek Warburton:It was fantastic. Isaac Mizrahi, all the editors from Harper's Bazaar, Seventeen Magazine, everyone came. And it was fantastic because it was just, again, you know, Carrie Hilson. People were just little things. But, you know, their fans, that could change any of their fans' lives, you know, and just to stay alive. And, you know, it's just like, because it will get better. and you never know who's had that life yeah and you don't know why they're being bullied either yeah and that's the thing bullying knows no bounds yes at all it doesn't matter if you're gay you're straight you're black you're purple like it doesn't make a difference you know it's just other people's perception or other people's problem yeah you know it's like I always say like I don't care what you think of me because it isn't any of my business yeah because it isn't Like, that's your problem, honey.

26:48Derek Warburton:Bye. I'm out the door. You know, it's like, oh, well, bye. Yeah, it looks like a you problem, not a me problem. 100%. It's absolutely true. But I want to take a moment, too, and step back for a second. Because one thing I know about you is that you were this astound fashion, that you were a fashion guru. You've dressed people. But also, what's really interesting that we were talking about before is I love that you reinvented yourself a few times. Had to, yeah. What does that look like? If you had to explain to somebody maybe out there that is kind of struggling and they're at this point in their life, this pivotal moment that they're trying to figure out, should they continue doing what they're doing?

27:23They have a passion. They want to do something maybe that they're just not doing right now.

27:29Derek Warburton:I love that you brought this up because I think about this all the time, and I talk about this all the time. You have to get to a place where you see the writing on the wall. Yes, or that inner voice. 100 because i for some reason have always had the sixth sense to see the writing on the wall i saw industries change and i was like this is going to end soon get out ride the wave i always and i guess also and what's what is incredible about being in fashion that no one will ever tell you is that because of the way your mind has to work you're always a forecaster the way they call fashion forward yep like you're always thinking ahead because we lived ahead you know I was constantly like what are they wearing next year what are we doing next year what is this going to be about and I guess I mean still in the magazine realm I'm still doing that like oh you're going to wear this next year we're doing this you know like the nail polish I have on right now I've been wearing for two years like that's that's what's incredible about having a podcast now or being new media or just having difference in opinion because it's like people need to hear from real life people that are not trained, that are not, you know.

28:42Scripted.

28:42Derek Warburton:Yeah, or scripted that talk real. But like we have real life experience. We've made it according to the world. No, but you know what I'm saying. According to the world, we've made it. And so they need to hear how scrappy it really is, how we're up at the crack of dawn, working to midnight. like I've had so many years of 4 a.m. to midnight I cannot tell you I was like I am done with this shit let me tell you like you wonder why we need facial fillers and Botox like get out of here okay you don't even know but you have to do it like you have to if you want to make it if you really want to make or make it you have to sacrifice on the front end whether it's getting up or staying late and you can still fail yeah and you can still I've failed 50 times still killing myself to get there but it doesn't matter like you have to be so hungry it's like bitch put down the potato chips and put your hunger into your work because that is the only way if you want a better life and 99.999 % of us grew up with nothing and if you grew up with nothing put down the potato chips and put your hunger into your work and into yourself yes you know because all these people will go and get some shitty job and the shitty job isn't going to do nothing it's true nothing you got to go out there you got to hustle and the best investment you'll ever make in your life is in you that's a hundred percent you said it that is it the first belief i was like that is so true mic drop it but it's so true and it's funny because i literally just had a training i was in vegas at my office yesterday two days ago i do a training with just the women and the leaders come to me they're like listen mara i'm having trouble with the girls they're coming up with a million excuses why they can't come to work.

30:30And like for me, I'm in a male dominated industry. So when I have women in the industry, I'm just excited that they're there. So I get in a room with all of them and they're all there. So I'm asking them, I'm like, you know, I'm going into my thing, you know, it's really great. You're in this male dominated space and women, we really do have an advantage, blah, blah, blah. So I'm like, well, what's going on here? Like, let's go round table. I want to hear and hear what are the excuses? One girl says, well, my period is one. like your period that that's that's a real excuse the next one says we'll have anxiety okay well I have both my period and anxiety and sometimes I have that at the same time okay um the other one was you know sometimes I fight with my boyfriend I'm thinking to myself what like so you know what I did I bought the Midell for the office I bought anxiety blankets and then I bought heating pads I'm like now what's the excuse but if you want better yeah but

31:21Derek Warburton:But you know what, though? This is so funny. Remember how I was saying you should do little vacations and things like this. Yeah, the retreat. And find other people in your industry and get them to come in for your retreat. Yeah. Right? And you said to me, oh, well, I don't want to bring other people in, da, da, da, da. And I said to you, no, you bring them in to bring them in, to come work for you. because why do you want to have a bunch of girls? I believe in women working. I agree with it too. I believe in the right women working. I agree. Amen to that. Done. I agree. The right women need to work.

32:02Derek Warburton:I don't want to hear about it anymore. Stop the period. Enough. Stop the period. Enough. Because I know just as many men that'll say the same thing and that are lazy as hell. And I was like, be a man, shut your mouth, get to work. Yes. Because just because I don't look like your type of man, Does that make me less of a man? And my ass is here working. So get to work. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to hear about it. And that's why you're so successful. I mean, that is 100 % why you are so successful. I was like, sit down and shut up. Done. Get to work or you're out. And you were in an industry that was cutthroat.

32:39Derek Warburton:Oh, everything's cutthroat. Are you kidding? But you made it in that industry, which is crazy. Because you, I mean, you were at the top of your game in there. Because I was the first one in, the last one out. That's why. That's what it takes. And every time I've left a situation or something else has happened, they all get pissed. They all, oh, my God, the best revenge of my life happened after the end of the pandemic. And I love this human, but he had it coming. That's called karma. It has a funny way. It's like a big fat bitch at your front door. There it is. And so a colleague, and we had a business together.