From Self-Doubt to Self-Respect: The Power of Boundaries

21:40Julee Gracey:You have to remember to care for yourself. So what do I need? Well, and I would say check yourself before you wreck yourself. How well did you sleep last night? So if you didn't sleep well, you might be a little more sensitive to things that are happening. Are you hungry? That is the number one thing I ask myself because I get hangry. I get angry when I'm hungry and my whole family knows. My best friend, she keeps snacks in her purse for me. I just, so I need to eat. Am I hydrated? You know, did I have a really bad conversation and it was not good? and I'm taking that negative energy into the next thing.

22:16So check yourself.

22:18Julee Gracey:Do I need to just go and take 30 minutes and close my eyes and regulate my nervous system? Okay. Then, you know, have a coffee and get back to it. You have to have processes to deal with it because if you take that negative energy and you're like, I'm going to push through, but you don't, you don't address it. You're going to just vomit on everyone else that day and nobody needs that. And that is your problem, not theirs. Yeah, I agree. I tell my girls, see, for me, I'm not a crier. I, I, I, what happens. So like when my, I see my girls crying in sales. So do you remember like, what was it? A league of their own?

22:50They're like, there's no crying in baseball. Yes. Yes. I do this with my girls. I'm like, stop crying. Stop crying right now. I'm like, you can cry in my office. You get five minutes. You can go in there and then you go to the bathroom, you wipe your face and you come back in here. Like nothing ever happened because as women, I mean, and tell me if I'm wrong, we don't have the, well, let me phrase it like this. We do have a huge advantage in sales because men like to talk to women and women like to talk to women. The problem is, is that we are by nature, we're emotional and that sometimes gets in the way.

23:21So with women, we do have a disadvantage when it comes to sales and being in that board room where we are pretty much the only woman there. So how do you have other women combat that? Because it's intimidating to be in a room.

23:33Julee Gracey:It can be intimidating if you're not trained. Yeah. Agreed. You're not intimidated walking into that room. neither am I. Why? Because we're well-trained. So because I have the confidence because I have gone in those rooms, no one in that room is smarter than I am, but I don't go in there like, I've got something to prove. I don't have anything to prove. I'm here. I know what I can do because I've done it so many times. I'm a big believer you can outwork your fears. You can outwork your doubts. How do I do that? Again, you'll hear me again. There's a process to do it. If you can't figure out a way to do it on your own, then get a mentor, get a coach.

24:10Julee Gracey:I know you've had mentors and coaches. They're invaluable. I agree. I do. I agree. And I think that you can have several different ones because you might outgrow one of them. And I think that you get trained and you constantly have to educate yourself and constantly do personal development for yourself and for the people that you're working with. It's such a huge component. But what about the circle of friends when you're trying to build confidence? And unfortunately, not a lot of women are like us where they're trying to build up other women. So do you talk about this with the women that you're coaching?

24:41Absolutely. Get in a room or get in a group or a networking or a circle where people are uplifting each other.

24:47Julee Gracey:Absolutely. And for me, it's very easy. Be like, oh, well, are you the energy? You're growing. You're doing things. You're okay. Of course I'd want to be hanging out with you. Yeah. It's obvious. When you start really being aware of who you are around, the words that they say, and you start being aware not to get too woo-woo, but literally I can feel the energy of people. It's true. Because I've become very – I thought it was cliche. It's a real thing. Yeah, you're like, I'll feel the energy. Screw this. Like this is stupid. No, it's real. And I've had people that I've been around and I literally had to take a step back from because I'm like, I don't know what's going on with them, but I can feel how negative their energy is.

25:29Julee Gracey:And so you will absorb other people's energy very quickly, within minutes. And it's, I wrote about this in the book of you, even you walk into a room, you're having a conversation with someone. It's not rude to be like, I can feel this negative energy. You know, let me excuse myself from the conversation. Let me, I'm going to run to the ladies room. I'll be back. And I step away just because I, I cannot. Cause I can. It's a lot. It's a lot, especially in sales. Energy. It's about energy and synergy. And when you have negative energy, you cannot perform. If you find yourself around people that are complaining, they're, they're whining and it's okay.

26:03Julee Gracey:Look at me. we all have bad days. Look, I complain all the time, but there's a difference. There's a difference of... I complain all the time. I'm such a complainer, but like funny complaining, you know, I'm always saying stupid shit. There is a difference of like, oh my gosh, there was so much traffic this morning and I'm so exhausted. Okay. But then you hear the next thing they say is like, all right, let's go. Right? That's the difference. But then the complaining of people that are like, oh, you know, oh, my client is so terrible. A red flag for me is when other business owners start complaining about their clients.

26:34Julee Gracey:Yes. That's how you know. Like, maybe you need to rephrase that. I am grateful that I have this client that I get the opportunity to work with. And I trust me, I've had really terrible clients. But when you put that negative energy out there, you're saying, I don't want these clients anymore. Like, you've got to rephrase that. And I'm a big believer when you start saying negative things to people around you, you're you're bringing them down. So it's not about necessarily just who you want around you, but are you worthy of being around them? Yeah, it's so true. So we're like, oh, this person's negative.

27:09Julee Gracey:I had to cut them out. And I'm looking at this person and I'm like, well, you're like the, one of the most negative people, you're one of the most negative people that I have met. You've got to check yourself. Are you being negative? Are you complaining all the time? Are you, you know, over here talking bad about this person? All of that has to go. Yeah, inspect what you expect. It's hard because I am a huge complainer. I always complain about it like stupid shit. But when it comes to business and when it comes to sales, there's a different cap that goes on. There's no victim mentality here. You didn't make the sale because something you did.

27:43You know, this didn't happen. It's you. It's not everybody else. That kills me. That's the worst when people get in a room and they start blaming everything else other than themselves. because there's very few things in this world that we can control, but we can control the way that we react and that we can take control of how we execute as well. So when you're blaming everybody, you know, the blame, what do they say? You have all these fingers pointing over here, but there's always one pointing back at you or one four pointing back, you know, you're the problem, you know, and that's what I think happens for a lot of women though in business, women get into this victim mentality.

28:18And I might get canceled for saying, but I do. I've seen it so many times. I have a disadvantage. I have my period today.

28:26Julee Gracey:I can't. Yeah, exactly. Well, the victim mentality is easy because it just takes away any accountability. Yeah, absolutely. That's what it is. It's lack of accountability. It takes out the accountability. But if I said, you know what, I went into that sale and I messed it up. Anytime something goes wrong, how was I responsible and how can I change that? When you have that, I am more in control. Oh, I couldn't do this. This person didn't do this. Okay. But where was I complicit in that? Yeah. Well, could I, maybe you couldn't have done something better, but I always try to walk away even if the, you know, it worked out horrible and maybe it wasn't my fault, but maybe there was something that I could have done better to either preserve the sale or the agent.

29:05Cause now I, you know, I build teams. So maybe there was something that I could have done better. So instead of failing, cause how many times did you fail before you succeeded? Thousands. Yeah, I'm still failing. I mean, I'm a work in progress all the time. But for every time I failed, I like to take away a lesson to make me better the second time around. I mean, and I believe that a lot of people don't recognize that. That failure is not actually failure. It's a building block to becoming more successful.

29:32Julee Gracey:Well, and that's because we've been taught that failure is bad. It's not. You have to fail. I know, but think about this. When we're in school. It's true. When we're in school, what grade are you looking to get on your paper? An A. And what's the worst thing that can happen? Get an F. An F that you failed. Yeah. And so we're taught, oh, oh, fail. Oh, I can't fail. In business, you are actually seeking out failure. Yes. I'm seeking out failure. And I teach like volunteer to fail. I'm going to go and I'm going to approach this person. I'm going to try to sell them this product. Don't even know if they want this product.

30:07Julee Gracey:Probably not going to sell it to them. but I'm going to go and like, you have to get those reps in. I need to go fail. So if I need to go fail a hundred times and make one sale, then I want to go fail as fast as I can that hundred times. Yeah. And so, yeah. And so in that failure, you're going to learn what works, what doesn't. And that's how you get better. Yes. So everyone looks at like, oh, wow, you must've never failed. Are you kidding me? I failed so many times. I am really good at sales. I teach sales. I'm a sales expert. But do you know, I started out failing at sales. I tried to go sell hotel products, the little doilies that you put your cup on in the nice hotels.

30:44Julee Gracey:And I didn't sell a single thing. I was horrible at it because I was like, I'm not sold on this product. Then I switched to real estate, ended up selling millions really fast because I believed in it. So part of it is you have to make sure that you're sold on what you're actually selling. and the biggest thing is you have to be sold on yourself yes there that's I think it is once you believe in yourself I talk about this all the time when you have full belief in yourself you could literally do anything that you put your mind to anything so if I want to walk on water I'm walking on water confidence is mostly genetic some people are just born with more of it false false you can teach it you think you can teach people to be confident one I do it all the time.

31:28Julee Gracey:I 100 % can teach people to be confident. It's a skill you can build. Okay. Fake it till you make it actually works. Sometimes, yes. Yeah, it definitely does. Most people don't need more confidence. They need more competence. Your competence builds your confidence. Good answer. Women struggle with confidence more than men do. Yes. Okay. You can be highly confident and still fail, confidence isn't enough. True. Yeah, I would agree. I would agree too. Do you think that people are born, this is a question, natural born leaders? Is that like, do you think that's a real term? In some ways I could say, I could see that, but it has to be nurtured.

32:13Julee Gracey:Like we all have gifts and talents, but if you nurture those gifts and talents that maybe you're naturally your personality, I believe personality plays a part with it. I have two daughters, two completely different personalities. But if I nurture parts about them, they're going to grow in that area. Does that make sense? Yeah. So yes, you can have people that are naturally more outgoing and then there's people that are naturally more shy. Right. And so, but I have helped build leaders that speak up and speak on camera and build their confidence with the most shy people. I'll tell you this, there was a woman, she is a med spa owner, stunning gorgeous this is in dallas the most beautiful location and she wasn't putting herself on camera to talk about her business and her business was suffering yeah and i started saying okay this is how you speak on camera this is how we do this i was like we're gonna go to a networking event i'm gonna take you she's like i've never been to one i picked her i said i'm gonna pick you up because i'm afraid you're not gonna go she lost her voice the night before she manifested exhausted losing her voice so she wouldn't have to talk that's how scared she was that's what she it did physically right so your mind body connection is real absolutely so we showed up and she's like i'm so sorry i lost my voice and i made it no big deal no big deal i got you so we walk into the room and like that's how i knew she was so scared walk into the room and of course i'm like i'm your wing woman and i would tell me hey this is so and so this is her business She's amazing.

33:39Julee Gracey:You know, I was introducing her to everyone. I'm like, you see all this? Just go see this woman. And I'm in sales, right? They're all like, yeah, we want to come to see you. And then by the end of that meeting, I saw her across the room talking with someone else on her own. And I was kind of like eyeing her. Like, are you OK? She's like, yeah, I'm good. She got back in the car with me. And she's like, I didn't know how that would I didn't know how that was going to be. And she's like, I see it now. Yeah, I see it now. The anticipation is always worse than the reality. To this day, she is now putting herself, talking on camera way more than I even do.

34:11Julee Gracey:She's talking on camera about her business. Her business has grown. She's going to networking events on her own. It's once you know it, then you know it. Yeah. It's not like, oh, I'll never learn to be confident. Yes, you can. It is a skill you can build. And I do it every week. And so if someone's listening and they're like, I don't feel confident, you better come and see me. You have to. I mean, it's absolutely true. The best thing about life is that you can perfect the skills that you're not good at. You can absolutely do that. We're in a time right now that we have everything to our fingertips, including you.

34:45So if you want to be confident, literally, not that they shouldn't use you because I think using a person more than AI is better, but you can chat GPT, give me all the steps in order to become confident. Yes. And it's there. It's right there. You're accessible. before we didn't have technology like this, a Zoom call away to walk, to be somebody's personal mentor, to walk them through becoming confident.

35:06Julee Gracey:Yeah, absolutely. And here's the thing about confidence. It feeds into every area of your life. So especially, and I dig into my mothers. Moms, if you're listening, I'm gonna dig into you right now. There you go. Your children are watching you. Everything. And you want them to grow up and be confident and have the world at their fingertips and go be the best version of themselves. But they are watching you and they see that you are not. They see it. They absolutely do. I do not let my daughter, I don't know if you do this, but I don't let my daughter use negative language. Not bad words. I'm fine with bad words.

35:38But like when she's like, I'm scared. I go, rephrase, rephrase. She's like, okay, I'm apprehensive. I'm like, don't use words like that. Negative words, you start to believe them. So the more negative that you feed yourself, and I'm not a psychologist. I don't know. This is just through my work through sales. But the more negativity you tell yourself, the more you believe it because the bad is a lot easier to believe. And what you're saying is 100 % true.

35:59Julee Gracey:So I have a chapter in my book and it is just, it's about the word can't. Yeah. I don't let her say can't. Can't won't. Those are definitive. Yeah. I'm like, you get in trouble. So I'm like, you can drop an F-bomb if it's well-timed. But the word can't is the most limiting, soul-sucking word in the English language. So when I hear can't, even with my clients, I'll be like, I can't. I'm like, whoop, red flag, stop. Stop. Rephrase. Rephrase. But here's the thing. When you say that, okay, I can't fly to the moon. That is true. But the majority of the time you're lying to yourself. And when you lie to yourself, you start to wear down your own confidence because you know you're lying to yourself.

36:44Julee Gracey:I can't get to the gym today. No, rephrase that. I don't want to go to the gym. I'm not feeling like going to the gym. So I didn't prioritize going to the gym. I just, I really want to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix instead. Fine. But own that. Take responsibility for that. So I love that you do that with your daughter because the words we tell ourselves build who we are and it builds our lives. Yeah, it's true. It's true. And then you're exactly what you said. So I was fortunate too. My mom is like, I love her. And this chick taught me from a little girl that there's nothing you cannot do.

37:21Nothing. And it doesn't matter what life throws at you and there's going to be obstacles and there's going to be downfalls, but no matter what happens in life, you pick yourself back up, you put your, you know, you put your beautiful face on cause you don't go out looking bad ever. And you put one step forward, one foot in front of the other and you move forward no matter what happens. So I was lucky enough. I don't think a lot of women were, are lucky to be subjected to great moms like that.

37:45Julee Gracey:Well, and what's great about this is you were taught all those lessons. I was taught all those lessons, but now we're taking those lessons and we're teaching them to other women because that is the key. When we want to create these communities of women supporting women, and so many of those, unfortunately, are not the case. Why do you think there's not a lot of women in sales? Number one, confidence in doing so. A lot of it is male-dominated industries, and they're just timid to that. Again, how we've been raised. Luckily, I mean, I grew up with a brother. I was a tomboy growing up, if you could believe that, like baggy jeans and t-shirts.

38:18Julee Gracey:And I always showered, but I never even brushed my hair. I didn't care. I was an athlete. So it was like, I was so used to me being around guys. And I was a contractor. I literally would, I could lay this flooring. I could hang the drywall. I could replace your toilet. I grew up very male dominated. It was normal for me to be around men. I'm used to speaking their language. and so for me to go into things like a real estate office that was all men and me walking in I'm like bring it on they're like oh hi sweetheart I'm like okay I'll show you sweetheart and then you know million and a half dollar sale they're like oh sweetheart was that that was someone your husband knew I'm like I'll show you again million three million two and then they started calling me Gracie which in a guy's world you know using your last name that's actually how you earn their respect.

39:05Julee Gracey:And so I'm not intimidated, but, you know, it's a different language that they speak. And if you're not used to being in those environments and standing up for yourself, you know, it can be challenging. Yeah, I agree. What is something that you've never told anybody as you've gone on this journey of confidence? Like some kind of inner, like your inner younger yourself maybe something that you've never really talked about? I used to hide. So I, when I would go to high school, I would, I mean, I liked dressing up. I mean, I liked, I've got a nice dress on, my makeup, fun. I'm a girl. When I would dress up and I would put on makeup and go to school, the older girls were so mean to me, but I didn't understand why.

39:53Julee Gracey:Jealousy. Well, I know that now, but I truly had no idea. I was so innocent. And I mean, I would cry. And so even I learned that, oh, if I just go to school in baggy jeans and my brother's oversized t-shirt and don't brush my hair, they're nice to me. Okay. I didn't understand the reasons why at the time. When I was my senior year, they have those superlatives and they were announcing them and there was like the best looking and they said best looking for girls julie and my whole body froze and i went to the teacher i remember i was in science i went to the teacher and asked to go to the bathroom and i was holding my breath and walk and i started crying because i thought it was a joke i thought that the mean girls were playing a joke on me like to make fun of me, I had no idea that like, oh, this is what you guys actually think.

40:56Julee Gracey:I didn't see myself that way. And I look back at that and I'm like, oh, sweet girl. You know, I just want to go back and hug that girl that was just like, I just want to, I wanted everybody to like me. I just want to, you know, have friends. And I thought people were making fun of me because they voted me for that true story. And then I look back, I'm like, oh, I see now. I see now. And I think that's part of why I also teach about how to be confident because I know what it was like to not be. And not even be aware of your power. Yeah. I think a lot of women don't realize their power. My mom told me really on like the power of the P, it's a real thing.

41:36I didn't even know what that meant. Now I know what it means. I totally get what it means. But it's true. We do have a lot of power and women don't realize that that men like to talk to men to women and women like to talk to women and women we have in sales we are actually more efficient if you take any woman that has ever been in my business that has done well they do exceptionally well because of their efficiency it's just the lack of confidence that comes with it afterwards which is sad yeah well

42:02Julee Gracey:and here's the thing okay i'm really good in business but then i'm not confident in my relationships or i'm not confident with my health and my body those those leak into it goes hand in hand. It all goes hand in hand. So that's what I love to do too. Like people get on calls with me. Okay. We're going to talk about my sales this week. I'm like, no, I want to know how many times you moved your body this week. Yes. So that's true. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you do good. That's period. Absolutely. So that's what, because you're, I want you to build confidence in all these areas because if you want me to help you grow your business, it's, it's all going to pour into this area.

42:33Julee Gracey:Yeah. It's my body and soul. You have to, and if you're in sales, you have to look good. I don't care what people say. You have to look good. And I'm not saying go buy, you know, a Louis Vuitton suit. I'm saying you can go to Ross or TJ Maxx or Target and look nice and show up because the way that you look is going to dictate everything you do. Yeah. I call it like your uniform. Yeah. Your uniform of what am I right now? Like if I have this dress on, I'm not necessarily in my kitchen making a snack for my kids. Right. But I am okay. I'm going business. Right. So it helps you mentally put your business show up professionally and there's factual data behind how you dress will affect how you your performance.

43:15Julee Gracey:Absolutely. And even I think it was, I heard it on Cody Sanchez on her podcast and you know, she always dives into deep statistics and facts. I love her. And she dug up the one about women wearing makeup. It's true. It's true. It's like you have a 30 % higher increase in income just by wearing makeup. Yeah. And you, when you go to like a job interview, you're taken more seriously if you have professional makeup on. And some women get very angry about that. I'm like, okay, well, you can get angry about it or you can do it. Yeah. I mean, do you want to be right or rich? I mean, do you want to be right or rich?

43:52That's what it comes down to. I'm going to put that on a shirt. Yeah. I mean, the way that you look does govern everything. Maybe it's shallow, but it's the truth. If you come in and you look like a schlub, you're going to perform like a schlub. And there's been studies that show that's why I I don't let my sales guys come in schlubbing. I do not let them schlub because what do they do? They're schlubbed over. They're on the phones. They're like, hey, you know how you want some insurance? But when you dress nice, you're forced to sit up, posture, and then all of a sudden it becomes different and you're more productive.

44:21All of my sales guys that are productive dress well.

44:23Julee Gracey:Absolutely, absolutely. And I worked for a sales organization for three years. And every person in there, I mean, men, suit, tie, polished shoes, present on. they're setting themselves up for success they aren't just i'm not in sales they are sales professionals it's true so in when it comes to business and i know you'll understand when i say this are you an amateur or a professional if you're expecting professional results professional income then you must act dress and be professional but so many people act dress and, you know, behave like an amateur. Yes. And then they wonder why they're not making any money.

45:04Julee Gracey:Yes. Yep. It's not complicated. No, it's not. That's the funniest part. It's really not that hard to be successful. And then if you're not like, you can get there too. I was faking it until I was making it. I remember when I started sales, I was driving around in this like maroon Lexus. I mean, that was all I could afford at that time. But you know what? Everyone thought I had money. I always looked nice. I was pulling the stuff out of, I think, Plato's closet. But nobody knew the difference because I acted as if. And when you act as if, you can assume the role you manifested to becoming the person that you want to become.

45:37Julee Gracey:Well, and service comes before sales. Anyway, so like I'm going to go sell, but serve them so much that they're always going to come to you. And so I learned that obviously very early on. When you want to work with multimillion-dollar CEOs to help buy houses, what does their life look like? Well, they have assistants. They have people working for them. They have people anticipating their needs ahead of time. So how can I do that? Okay, I didn't live in a beautiful multimillion-dollar home. But what types of finishes are in multimillion-dollar homes? So I started researching, and I would go to open houses of these big homes.

46:13Julee Gracey:Okay, this is a countertop. It feels weird. What is this? Oh, this is Ubatuba granite. Okay, write that down. What the heck is Ubatuba granite? Okay, well, what are these beams that got like little holes in them too? Well, that's called pecky cypress. Okay, pecky cypress. And I started to learn what are the terms of finishes in luxury homes so that I could speak their language when they're walking through. What's the difference between granite and quartz and marble and all these things? I started to learn their language of their world. So not that I had to live in that type of house, but I knew kind of how they operated.

46:48Yes, you're credible. You become credible because you perfect your craft. And once you know the ins and outs, you can compete in the world with the people that are there, whether you're wealthy, which eventually you will get there. And it's just knowing a little bit more. So it's not that hard. I mean, you – wow. I love this conversation. So what's next for you? You wrote a book.

47:07Julee Gracey:I did. I did. I'm super excited. It's already had so much impact on women, which is exactly why I wrote it. All those lessons that I've learned, I would hate for them to just die with me. We've gone through too much. We know too much. There are too many women out there that we need to lift up, and that's why I wrote this book. But I have different boot camps, again, that I'm helping women and men build their businesses, and I've got some keynote speaking events this year. So I would love for people to just follow me on social media, and you can kind of keep up with where I am. I'd love for you to come to one of my events.

47:41Julee Gracey:Do you have one coming up? We have two in the works. I can't say yet because the ink is not quite dry yet, but yes, very excited. And where would people find you on social? Yes. It's just on all social media, but it's just at Julie Gracie. My name is unique spelled. My mother's Canadian, so she spells it. You know that my name, when you say it when you're in French Canadian, it's Julie. But I feel like you're so elegant. I feel like you look like a Julie. Julie. In America, I'm just Julie. It's fine. Well, that is so exciting. So if you heard today's episode, then you know that confidence really is everything.

48:15But the nice thing is confidence can be learned. So I urge you, if you feel unconfident, do some little hacks that we talked about today. Put your face on, dress nice, smile when you talk. It changes everything. So if you like this episode, go ahead and like, subscribe. Don't like, unsubscribe. Do something. Tell a friend. But if you like this episode, please continue to watch BILFOT. And again, thank you for joining me this morning. I know it's been crazy, but I'm so glad we made it work. And I'm so glad that we had this conversation.

48:46Julee Gracey:Absolutely. Love being here. Thanks, girl. Appreciate you.