Growing Up After Divorce: Lessons From a Daughter

20:56BILFPOD Host:Maybe.

20:57Lilli:Maybe. I don't know.

20:58BILFPOD Host:Yeah, but, like, I think that's also what made things, like, great. You know, obviously there is times, you know, where, like, you obviously play more of a mom aspect than I will ever play now. But, like, at the same time, like, I know, like, it shouldn't always be like this, but, like, I love taking care of you. And I love being there for you as much as I can. But, you know, sometimes it gets a little out of here.

21:18Lilli:I hope you remember that when I'm going in the home. Like, you don't send me to a home and that you're going to end up taking care of me.

21:23BILFPOD Host:Well, what happened to you getting a compound and I'm going to just raise a family in there? I mean, ideally, that's what I'd really like. So maybe we can have a nursing home in the compound.

21:31Lilli:Yeah, I think so. I hope that you are going to say that is ideally what I would like is to have a compound and you and Liam and your spouses, maybe, maybe a little bit, that you guys all live there with my grandchildren. I don't want to say that. Yeah, you're going to be a grandma one day. That's really hard for me to swallow. But there would be all of this going on on my compound. That would be ideal for me. But I know that that's not realistic and real and realistically my dream for you is to find your own voice. And as hard as this will be the day that you end up leaving the house, which I know is very important.

22:03Lilli:I know that you need to spread your wings and find your own voice outside of me and outside of this little world. Yeah. And just get that going for you. And I am excited to see that.

22:12BILFPOD Host:I'm excited, too. And I think for a really long time, like I was always so set on like, oh, I want to be here. I want to stay here next to my mom here, here. And nothing can change that. and like as I get older not even just as I get older as the months have gone on and like watching you like bloom like I realized like I want to go out like I want to find what I can do and like you know we've been talking about college a lot and like finally came to the conclusion that it looks like where I'm gonna be is in New York you know that's what it seems like and I couldn't be more excited I'm excited for you I'm really excited and I remember like what five months ago four months ago, going out of state wasn't even an option.

22:53BILFPOD Host:Like it wasn't even.

22:54Lilli:But it's important that you do that. So I just want to switch gears for a moment because another big thing that people often comment about with me is my appearance and cosmetic surgery. As you know, I am very open that I do not like getting older. We know this is a big, huge issue with me. But beyond that, I mean, even something from grandma, the one big thing is, you know, if it's if it's broken, fix it, It doesn't matter. You have to look good and feel good. So how would you, and one thing I do want to emphasize is I never push this on you to go get cosmetic surgery. No. This is not something that, you know, that I'm, oh, yeah, you know, here, it's never like that.

23:30Lilli:But let's just talk about that and how you feel that I always joke and I'm like, my hair is not real. My, you know, my tan is fake. Like, how do you, what is your take on that? I think it's hilarious.

23:40BILFPOD Host:I do. I think it's hilarious. I just think that, I mean, we're in 2025. Yeah. You know, I think that any type of surgery, any type of thing you can fix, cosmetic, no matter what it is, it's 2025. And I think it's much more common now. But I don't care. I don't care. And I don't think anyone else should care. I don't think it's that big of a deal at all. I think at the end of the day, it's your body. Whatever you want to do, like, that is completely up to you. And at the end of the day, every single person should feel confident within themselves. and I think if that's like making a tweak here and there putting some fake hair in you know not wanting to go in the sun but being able to get a tan like why wouldn't you do that yeah you know what I mean and if it makes you feel good like that's all that matters and I think yeah I don't I don't even like you know I hear about all the time people like have things to say you know not even just not even just about you like in general you know like oh this girl's lips too big oh this that like I'm just like why do you care why does it matter like it does it's not you it's like it's not you it's them like that's their choice it's completely up to them like that has nothing

24:50Lilli:to do with you yeah but um well a lot of people say that you know this is like the topic of conversation that they'll say is your daughter's watching so be very careful what you're doing yeah but I feel like I'm glad that you're watching you watch me you know because you know how I am that if I don't feel good on the outside, I won't, or even on the inside, it's my body and soul, period, right? So you have to feel good inside, you have to feel good outside. But if you don't have all of those components together, then you just don't feel good. And you already know how I am that if I don't feel the best version of myself, then I can't be a good mom.

25:24BILFPOD Host:Yeah. And you know something that I always do. So I get up for school every morning at 5am. Kind of. yeah but that's the goal 5 a.m. 5 a.m. and nobody at 5 a.m. wants to wake up get dressed put makeup on look good for school and then you're you know you know what I mean so when I wake up in the morning most days I try to tell myself like if I look good I will feel good like I say it all the time and about 95 when I have an outfit that I can proudly walk in I my day goes 10 times better no matter if that means I don't get in drama that day no matter if that means I do good on a test no matter if that means like I don't get in trouble you know any little thing like I just feel like that is what makes me you know that's what starts my day and honestly like I like you you know like even like seeing you with long hair like that makes me want to take care of my hair better so I have longer natural hair you know what I mean like it's just like things like that but like I think that like that's like you like that's what you decide to do and I don't think it's a bad thing at all I'm like you know and if I want to do it cool you know there's some things that you do do cosmetics wise that I don't want to do but then there's some things that you do that I'm like okay maybe but it's not because I'm like oh I'm watching you I want to be you like you know like

26:42Lilli:you know what I mean no I don't I think the I think the the premise behind it is when you feel good you do good yeah you know and that's the biggest thing that I'm trying to teach you it's not like hey listen you have to go under the knife you know you have to use Botox and fillers that's not even what I'm trying to preach to you what I'm preaching to you is when you look good you feel good when you feel good you do good and that looks different for everybody and it doesn't make you unauthentic yeah because people like to say that you know oh you're unauthentic no it's not true yeah it's different I think that is authentic for me to recognize that and that's what I want for you I want you to look and feel your best you have one shot at making a first impression and you know this I've always been like this for you the biggest thing the biggest pet peeve for you and Liam was the way that you guys looked when you guys went to school yeah do you remember that yes the way your hair looked yep that you always look clean right and you always had nice shoes on and nice clothes always and that was a big thing and it wasn't because I wanted to pretend like we had money it had nothing to do with that it was always the perception of you have one shot and making a first a good first impression and that's what it always came down to yeah and you

27:48BILFPOD Host:know for sure and like you know being able to like look good feel good that's different for everyone you know like for you that's being able to wake up run your business you know all this stuff for me that's being able to want to go to school you know important things that you have to do but like yeah I mean don't get me wrong there was definitely like a rough patch where like we would decide if you were going to dress me or if I was going to dress myself and you know I wouldn't always come out looking great now going to school like I always want to look good like I always want to look good but like obviously it dictates your day yeah I mean and don't get me wrong like I'm still a teenager there's definitely days where I wake up I put my sweats my hoodies and my uggs and I walk out of the house you know like that but then I still make sure like my face is okay my hair is okay and it's not because like oh like I'm trying to impress or anything like that it's genuinely like it just does good for me inside it's more about how you feel inside it does good

28:37Lilli:for me you're not feeling good inside and you don't love yourself inside and I and I also want to stress this you know one thing like lily is my only daughter i have two two sons and the biggest thing for me is the way that lily sees herself in the eyes that i see her and i will say that lily out of most girls that i know values herself and her body and she and that is a big thing for her and that is what i've been trying to teach her her whole life is that she has to love herself first inside and outside before anything else and you do that i mean you you are 100 a strong woman yeah you are and i think no one takes advantage of it she has a big mouth she's righteous there's some things we could tweak on the mouth but but as far as like honoring who you are inside

29:26BILFPOD Host:you you very much know who you are yeah and like even like and like even you saying like that like i don't want it to make it seem like oh i'm perfect oh i have perfect thoughts of myself So, wow, thoughts of perfect of myself. But, like, you know, at the end of the day, I am 17. I'm in, you know, high school right in the middle. You know, I'm figuring out kind of what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm kind of, like, you know, adapting body-wise, every wise, you know, if possible. And, like, you know, it's not always easy. You know, you're in high school. You know, people say things, drama, this and that.

29:57BILFPOD Host:And, you know, I do have times where, like, I want to come home and cry myself to sleep. You know, there are times like that. But, like, at the end of the day, like, I am really starting to love who I'm becoming, you know, and everything like that. And, you know, like, it's always a huge thing for me has always been, like, change and, like, the transfer, you know, transforming. But, like, I am finally at a point where, like, I am happy with myself. I do love the person I'm becoming, you know. And don't get me wrong. I still have moments where I'm, like, you know, freaked out and, you know, slacking off a couple years back or, you know, not loving who I was.

30:30BILFPOD Host:you know little things like they do catch up to me now because now I'm like you know paying the price and figuring it out but like I really do love the person I've become and like I can confidently say that you know and it wasn't always like that and like you know like you know there's everything you know there's times where I didn't always feel like that you know there were times where I wanted to tweak things about myself there were times where I just told myself like be better like just be better but it's not that's not the reality you know it takes time and like I am like I do love the person I become.

30:58BILFPOD Host:I do. I think every single thing becoming from my parents getting, you guys getting divorced at such a young age to, you know, having a bad grade, you know, drama, losing friends, gaining friends, you know, all this stuff. Like, I think that has made me love who I become today. Yeah. And I've really, finally, you know, at a place where, like, I do love who I am.

31:18Lilli:Yeah, it's okay, too, that you have imperfections. I try to tell Lily all the time or whenever I have the moment, I always tell her she's perfect because you are perfect to me. But I want to talk, you did, you talked a little, and I don't know how comfortable you feel about talking about this on camera, but, and we can omit this if you don't want to talk about it, but I've spoken openly about my battle with anxiety. And we found out when Lily was 10 years old, 11. Sixth grade. So 10, 11 years old, that Lily battles anxiety. Hers is a little different than mine. She has a lot more control over it and just understanding that mental illness is a real thing.

31:54Lilli:And I hate to even talk about it, like, because for kids, some kids, you know, they think they have anxiety or, you know, because we use it so lightly. But that is something that she battled. It's something that you still battle occasionally from time to time. So what is that like being a teenager that battles anxiety?

32:12BILFPOD Host:So like you said, going back, I was diagnosed with anxiety sixth grade. And like I just said, I don't do well with change. It's not my thing. I don't like it. I like to have things in a certain order. If things go wrong, I freak, I flip. That's just like the person I am. And, you know, it's a really good thing about me, but it can also be a really bad thing about me because, you know, life changes. Things adapt. And you have to adapt to that. But, yeah, sixth grade, I was taking the transformation from going to elementary school to middle school. And I, at the time, went to a completely different middle school than where all my friends went.

32:51BILFPOD Host:And I was so excited. I was so excited for middle school. I was so excited for the seven periods, you know, waking up late. It was great. I was so excited. I went to my first day. You know, this is like what I remember. I went to the first day, and it was great. I had a great first day. I had a little bit of like, you know, an uneasy feeling, but I was like, oh, it's the first day of school. You know, that's how it is. Yeah. I go back the second day, and my first period in my theater class, I'll never forget, I freaked. I started hysterical crying. I couldn't stop. I didn't know what was going on.

33:22BILFPOD Host:I don't I was like I felt like I was like dying like I didn't understand what was going on I kept crying I kept crying and all I wanted was to stop I went to the bathroom I literally was like stop and I couldn't stop I couldn't stop then I went to my second period happened again crying crying crying and I remember it was science class and in science we have these big black tables so when you put your head down and you lift your head up if you're crying it's on the table and my tears were everywhere everywhere and I was freaking out and then I don't really remember like how I called you I don't really remember you went home you came home in this I went for weeks I went to the front office you came and picked me up and I refused to go to school for two weeks I wouldn't go to school you guys couldn't get me into school I just wouldn't go I remember like dad had to come I was screaming like I didn't understand what was going on and like I think like if I remember like Like, you were scared.

34:20BILFPOD Host:I was terrified. You were like, what is happening to my daughter? Like, what is going on? And I couldn't figure it out. Like, we couldn't figure it out. And we finally went to therapy, and she told me that I had anxiety. Yeah. And I remember, like, it was an option. Like, do you want to go on medication? And to this day, absolutely not. I just won't do it. Yeah. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. It makes me feel like different. You know, and obviously it's good to be different, but not in an aspect where it has to do with like you mentally. Yeah. So we came up with this idea.

34:57BILFPOD Host:OK, let's get you to the school where all your friends are. The first couple of days were rocky. And then I finally got back in. And dance helped. And dance. And dance was amazing for me. And then I finally got back in. I was good. And then, you know, I kind of learned as time went on. And then I was OK. and then my seventh grade year was COVID and um the first two weeks we were online we went back I freaked again and a huge part of that was because I think I saw like the mask it was freaking me out and then I was okay eighth grade I was great and then it happened again going from middle school to high school yeah I freaked um again I went to another high school I don't know why I keep doing this but I went to a high school where that's right I forgot that happened yeah I went to the high school where only my best friend was there.

35:44BILFPOD Host:Nobody else was there. And I had a great first day. Second day, same thing happened. Freaked. Couldn't get into school. And then with the amazing mother I have, she got me back into the high school with all my friends. And a huge, obviously the reason why that happened was because of the change. Now I'm in my junior year and I don't get it as frequently I definitely don't get it as much as you get it but um when I get it um I cry yeah I have a really bad problem where I cry um and I like freak out I like hyperventilate and um I'll like sit there like you know fidgeting around like playing with you know whatever I can find and just fidgeting and then like I'll look at you and I'll be like like yeah I know you know Like the look, like it's happening, it's happening.

36:38BILFPOD Host:And then I cry. And then I start to cry. But then you stop. But then I stop. And I figured out that going on my phone helps a lot. But that's obviously like not really the best thing you want to rely on. So I honestly can't even tell you what I do. I literally just sit there.

36:57Lilli:I think you don't let the anxiety control you. And I like. You know it's there. It's not something we dwell on. We don't really talk about it when it happens. We know what's happening. I know from the look. And you just, you don't let it control you. It'll be there. We know what's in the room. But it's the same thing. You know, same thing that I preach, that the anxiety is there. And, yeah, we can stop our day and we can stop and really dwell that we have this issue, this mental issue that we have. But we don't let the anxiety control us.

37:24BILFPOD Host:Yeah, and I will say, you know, I definitely have, like, there must have been a few couple times where it has taken over my day. You know, it has gotten to a point where, you know, you'll come pick me up from school and I will lay in my bed and cry for the rest of the day. Like, you know, that's just the reality of it. But, like, it does suck. You know, it really, really sucks. But it kind of, like, makes me stronger in a way. It kind of makes me stronger. And it also makes me, like, now that I have, like, the ability, you know, because not everyone's like this. now that I have the ability to know, you know, certain triggers, you know, I know that when I put myself in uncomfortable situations, that's a huge problem.

38:06BILFPOD Host:When I dwell in situations for too long, when I anticipate the worst change, like when all these things happen, like I know that the anxiety is bound to come at like once these actions or, you know, events happen. So I try to kind of like, you know, in a way, warn myself, you know, talk about what could happen, you know, all this stuff but like it's gonna happen no matter what even you know I can literally tell you right now you know I can be going to college tomorrow and I know my anxiety is gonna happen but it doesn't matter like even if I tell myself it's not gonna happen it's gonna happen yeah I'm still gonna freak the same I'm still gonna cry I'm still gonna lose it it's just gonna happen but um yeah I don't know part of you yeah it is a part of who you are it's probably one of the

38:50Lilli:shitty traits you got for me but it is a part of who you are and it's a very real thing yeah and

38:56BILFPOD Host:you deal with it yeah and like another thing and obviously I have a I cry but I don't want anyone to know I'm crying no so that's another thing that helps is that if I get it in public even like when you get it I know like even when we're at the airport anywhere I'll be like stop like you're embarrassing yourself people are watching you like do you want people to think you're crazy like is that what you want people to think so like when I'm by myself or you know in school or anything like I'll literally just like none of my friends really know how to handle it you know nobody really knows there's no way to handle anxiety like there's just no way so like I'll just like sit there I'll be like okay like all these kids are looking at me right now every single person is looking at me right now and then once they see me they're gonna ask me if I'm okay and that's just gonna make it worse yeah that's just gonna make it 10 times worse so stop crying stop crying like get up go on with your day just get up and like that's what I tell you too like

39:46Lilli:yeah no it's the truth I think some people that suffer from mental illness they think it's like the tell-all be-all end of the world and it's not I mean we live with it every I live with it really bad you live with it occasionally it is a part of who we are this is just what it is but we manage to maneuver through it we know what's going to happen and that's just it it's just I don't think there would not there would not be Lily without anxiety and same thing Mara without anxiety yeah and that's really what it comes down to it's not something we're embarrassed about it is something that we do talk about openly in our family we know it comes from our family but again we don't let it control us and it's not something that's ever going to hold either one of us back.

40:22BILFPOD Host:Yeah, and I think also if, like, you don't face it and you don't admit that you, you know. Yeah, a lot of people are embarrassed. Yeah, and, like, even, like, for us, like, we have the same thing, but we do it very differently. Like, you know, sometimes you do take the medication to help, you know, to calm me down, but I refuse to take it. Yeah. I will not take it. I just, it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me and I don't think anybody in this world wants to feel like there's something wrong with them. And then also, like, again, I cry. Like, you don't necessarily cry. you just get up and you lose it and you, you know.

40:49BILFPOD Host:Freak. Yeah, you freak. You completely freak. But I think like it's very different and maybe it is a good thing that we handle it differently, you know. So there's times where like I'm crying, you tell me to like stop, you know. Same thing, if you're losing it, I'll be like enough, like calm down, like you're fine, it's not real. But I think that's the hardest thing is like when you're like it's not real and you're like yes, it is real, I'm feeling it. Like it's real and then you're like it's not. Yeah. It's not real.

41:12Lilli:And we know the difference. I mean, I would say, like, logically, we know. Yeah. We know that it's not, like, this is not really, it is really happening. But we also know that it stops. But, you know, you're going, this is, like, the hardest part for me is that you, in a year and a half, are going to be away from me. Like, my baby is going to be gone. I know. And she is going to turn into an adult. And not that you are, we aren't, but you are, Lily. You're growing up to be such a perfect human. and I might be biased, but you are, you have so many amazing attributes. You are exquisite inside and out.

41:47Lilli:Your heart is unimaginable. When you love, you love hard. I mean, you really are such a breath of fresh air. So if you could give some advice to maybe a teenager that's kind of struggling right now, or even a parent, some advice for a parent, let's do it for a parent. Cause I feel like you're always the voice of reason. So for a parent, that's kind of struggling with a teenager right now that doesn't feel as close because you we haven't gone through that because our relationship is just very different but I know that there are I know with my mom there was a time where I just didn't feel as close what kind of advice would you give to a parent that's

42:20BILFPOD Host:just not feeling that close to their parent honestly teenager honestly I would just say listen like just listen um don't try to fix because at the end of the day there's no way to fix anything I would literally just say, just listen to what your kid is going through. Like, listen to what's going on. You know, you can try to help, but don't try to fix. I think a lot of people nowadays, teenagers, also me, I want to do things on my own. I don't want my mom behind me. I don't want my dad behind me. I don't want anyone behind me. I want to be able to do it. and I think that the biggest thing is first of all be able to create that relationship with your parent with your kid for them to want to be open with you and then if that's not the case then you know like I promise like just sitting there and just being like are you okay or like what's going on like that just opens up a ton of doors you know like if I'm having a bad day you see I'm about to cry and you're like all I want for you to say is what's going on and then I will open and tell you everything that's going on.

43:26BILFPOD Host:Don't push it. But don't push it. Because if you push it, then that's where like, in a way, because you're like, like, imagine being told like, what's going on? What's wrong? Are you okay? Tell me what's going on? It just makes you not want to say anything. Because then in a way, you feel like you're going to get in trouble. You feel like, you know, you might not get the response that you want. But I think that if you have a child, boy or girl, obviously, I'm speaking as a girl. Just like ask your child, like, are you okay? like are you okay like and I and you can literally just be like are you okay I want you to know I'm here I'm gonna leave the room and when you want to come talk to me come talk to me I'll be here to listen but I think that just letting your child know that like you are there is like the biggest thing the biggest thing no matter what it is no matter if it's drama with a boy a girl drama with your friends you know mentally a test anything like that like just leave the door open you know Don't necessarily walk in there with it open and then close it.

44:23BILFPOD Host:Like, leave the door open the whole time. And that'll want your kids to talk. I know it does for me.

44:29Lilli:That's sound advice. I think that is really sound advice. So, you know, if you're listening to today's episode, there's no smoke and mirrors here. Literally, like, I wish that they could watch our lives. Like, what you see is what you get. We have a very unconventional, like Lily said, I don't think there is such a thing as normal. I don't think it works for us. It works for our family. but the one thing I can say that being a parent it does not come with a set of directions and despite what we think our kids are not sitting there judging us and they're not there with the check mark you know oh they did good oh they did bad it has nothing to do with that at the end of the day the kids just want to know that you love them that's that's what it is in the time that you're there it's intentional and that you really you value them as people and as she gets older and she comes into her own.

45:15Lilli:I try to give her that space. And again, I am not an expert on raising children. I am hoping that she doesn't end up on somebody's couch, you know, in 10 years talking about what a crazy lunatic mom she has. But, you know, we do the best we can as parents. So if you're that parent, that's really hard on yourself. Stop, stop, stop being hard on yourself. This is, you know, it's a learning experience. We're all flying by the seat of our pants constantly. But, you know, if your child knows that they're loved and you really are showing them whether We're not affectionate people, but we know that we love each other.

45:46Lilli:That's really all that matters. So, Miss Lily Sophia Brockman, thank you for joining me today. I think we should do many more of these because you really are insightful. And you're such an old soul. And I just love you so much. I love you too. I love you. You are a bilf. Do you know what a bilf is? I do. What's a bilf?

46:05BILFPOD Host:Like what it is?

46:07Lilli:What it stands for.

46:08BILFPOD Host:Boss I'd like to follow.

46:10Lilli:You are. You're like a baby bilf.

46:12BILFPOD Host:I hope I'm a baby bilf and then eventually I'll be a bilf. You'll be a big bilf. I'll be a big bilf. I love you. I love you too.