“I Had to Find Myself First”: Kelsey Adams on Motherhood & Self-Love

0:00I just want to feel like I'm creating something or giving something that creates a vision. I would say content creator mama who goes with the flow but likes dope shit. Oh my god. I'm just an artist.

0:25You didn't actually respect yourself in your 20s, because now I know what it looks and feels like. Yeah. Definitely a waking up moment after having my daughter, my first child. I realized I wasn't filling my cup, and I realized I didn't know who I was. Right. I'm just like a floating thing. And when something sticks, then I'm happy with it. Maybe that's the Libra in me. I float around until I'm happy.

0:58Welcome back to the Build Pod, where authenticity trumps authority. Now, I am on remote location here in New York City, but I would be remiss if I did not come and talk to Ms. Kelsey Adams, who is a fashion blogger, content creator, mom, wife, you name it. She does it. She is the real bilf, the real deal. Wait, you know what a bilf is though, right? I mean, I hope I know. What is a bilf? Is this, okay. I was like, okay, is it billionaire? You're close. That sounds nice too. Boss, I'd like to follow. Boss, I'd like to follow. Okay, that sounds better. I like billionaire too. I was like, I'm being a little naughty maybe in mine.

1:36Yeah, you're just manifesting for me. So welcome to Bilf, girl. Thank you for having me. Yes. So you have an extensive background, right? You have been profiled in Rolling Out magazine. I know we'll talk about what you have next because I'm super excited for you and what your next journey is. So let's talk a little bit about you and how you got started in content creation and modeling. I like I have a little blurb in here that you're five five, which you're, which that's a good height. You're not just super uber tall, but I'm short for modeling. Yeah. I didn't want to say that and be offensive, but you made a name for yourself and you are absolutely stunning.

2:10So let's talk a little bit about that and where that, like where you started with modeling. Well, first of all, thank you. I would like to say that I've definitely had more of an untraditional role, obviously, you know, because I'm much shorter than the ideal model, although times are changing. So kudos to that. Look, I get it. But I actually started when I was in, I'm going to say more so Atlanta. Like my mom had a couple of pictures taken of me when I was living in Virginia. It's my hometown. But it really started when I was in Atlanta. And honey, this was during the music video days. So don't judge me, but I had a time.

2:43I had a time. I was in my music video era and I had fun. You know, I made a little bit of cash, but then I was like - What music videos? Oh my God. Let me think about this. I know I did one Chris Brown one that was in LA, but that was like a small role. But, oh my God, girl, it was honestly a lot of them, because it was like the casting agent would reach out. I'm like, oh, sure. I'll come real quick. Oh my God. You look like the girls on the Arsenio Hall. Do you remember Arsenio Hall? Remember they were dancing? That's how I picture you. That's like the vision I'm getting right now. I feel like I was the one girl who actually had fun because there would be girls dancing.

3:21It would keep it cute. But I was like - You were really in there. You were getting it. I'm a 90s baby. I'm like, I'm having fun. I love it. But I had a transitionary period where I was like, you know, I want to do something more because I've always viewed myself as a whole, I'm just an artist. You know, sometimes I'm drawing, sometimes I'm modeling, sometimes I'm creating content or maybe producing something. It's a flip floppy space. I just want to feel like I'm creating something or giving something that creates a vision, I suppose. But yeah, that slowly transitioned to acting, which slowly transitioned to content creating, which is what my fiance does as well.

4:01So we're kind of in that same space. And yeah, it's, I think that's a long story short. So how would you like, if you had just some you up in a few words, what would you say? Oh my God. Just a few words. I would say content creator mama. Yeah. Who goes with the flow, but likes dope shit. Can I say that? Yeah. Why not? You can say whatever you want, girl. You can do that. Yeah. So how did your, you know, there's so many content creators out there, but how are you able to like make this whole thing come to life? And content creation is pretty, I mean, I know everybody wants to brand themselves. Like that's a really big thing right now.

4:38So how did you just make it come alive for yourself? I think for me, for one, it helps that my partner is also an amazing photographer and videographer. He's incredible at film. That's honestly how we met in the first place through Instagram, you know, the old school way, the guy who slid in the DM. But yeah, I think that is a huge part of how, you know, I stand out for the page, you know, to my clients when they reach out is everything looks cinematic. It's professionally shot. And even now, like even when I shoot my stuff in the house, I was like, okay, I'm not using an iPhone. I'm going to get my camera.

5:13Just try to do everything professional, keep it clean, make it look pretty. I think that's my biggest thing is to make it look good above everything else versus just post it because I had that time already. You know what I mean? Like I've been on MySpace. I did all the platforms. Like I had my time of oversharing. So now it was about making it look good and being intentional about what I put out. What are you putting out? Like what's your main focus? Like when you're putting stuff out, are you like focusing on being a mom? Are you focusing like what's your focus yeah it's so basically i mostly focus on fashion pieces sharing just what i like but i do have my moments where i share some stuff in parenthood you know mostly being a mom you know cute little looks with my kids because you know that's a touchy area with sharing your kids on the internet yeah i share like yeah i share but like in a space that i'm comfortable with yeah yeah yeah of course i don't share the embarrassing thing that's gonna come back in 15 years but it makes you real but i love that you're a mom and you're doing it and And I think it's okay to share your kids.

6:12They're a big part of who you are. A massive part of who I are. And we're doing jobs together. We just shot a campaign for Helzberg yesterday. Oh, look at you. The whole family and the dog. And yeah. I love that. So talk a little bit more about your fashion piece. So are you creating fashion? Are you modeling? Like where does the fashion piece come in? I know you modeled. Sure. But what about like the fashion as far as like what you're wearing? Because you look so fashionable right now. Oh, thank you. Well, first off, okay, I do try my best to wear a lot of either woman-owned, black-owned, Latina-owned, those type of brands.

6:47I like to go, you know, for like, I don't know, what's the way to put it? Just, I guess the more, I hate to say minority because I don't view them as minorities, but you get what I mean. Yeah. That's what I like. So what's your background then? Sure, sure, sure. So, okay. Sorry. It's okay. I'm like rapid fire over here. I'm like, what's your background? Yeah. Yeah. So my mom's black. My father is Lebanese, Italian, and German. So a bit of a mixed background. And I've definitely been leaning in, you know, to, I guess, those cultures, trying to learn them more. Because I'm like, I grew up super American.

7:20I wasn't engulfed in all these things. So it's kind of taken me to my adulthood to learn more about them intentionally and in the right way. So a lot of the pieces, like my skirt is black owned. Love her. Her name is Imada Duso. She's incredible. This is Allison and Olivia because I just had to. And my shoes are Sophia Webster, so hers are woman-owned. So I do try to blend a lot of just those mixed backgrounds to give a unique look into what my personal style is, which I feel like is very, I don't want to say worldly, but it's a little bit of something from everywhere. Well, I feel like your background is your inspiration, right?

8:01Yeah. It's really inspiring and it's becoming like that piece of you right now. So you get to incorporate, you know, your, your Lebanese flavor. You have a little Italian, you know, all of that combined. Look, look how you look. You look amazing. Do you like it? Yeah. Showcasing all parts of who you are. So when, and you look so confident and I, and here's like why I'm bringing it up for women. I think a lot of the time we're always conscious that we're going to come off cocky when in fact it's not cockiness, it's confidence. So how do you, cause you, I mean, you walk in, you can see you already, like you command of room.

8:35So talk a little bit about your confidence and where that comes from. Girl, I can already tell you being a mom. Yeah. That changed everything for me. Like, oh my God. I've had a lot of reflective moments recently. And one in particular, it really stood out to me that I was like, okay, girl, you didn't actually respect yourself in your twenties because now I know what it looks and feels like. I thought, you know, I think 20 years, I was like, I had fun. I was floating around. I was dating, you know, just having fun, you know, you're finally independent. You're going to do your thing. And yeah. And it was definitely a waking up moment after having my daughter, my first child that I was like, honey, we need to switch this up because I wasn't fulfilled.

9:23I realized I wasn't filling my cup and I realized I didn't know who I was. Right. So then along came that journey of figuring out who I was because it's like I thought I was, oh, relearn who you thought you were in your 20s. Girl, no, because I didn't know who I was then. You don't know. You don't know who you are. So I had to date myself. So I've been going out more like, you know, you know, my fiance would take the kids and I'm like, I'm going to go out for a drink by myself. I'm not going with anyone. I'm just going to take myself out on a date. So you're in a relationship with yourself. Yes.

9:51And it's beautiful. So important. Yeah. So I think that's where a lot of it came from for me. It's just getting to know me. And I'm like, I'm okay with who I am. I'm actually pretty dope. Yeah, there you are. I'm pretty good now. And you're unapologetically. But it's important for women to know that you have to be unapologetically who you are. And once you're in love with who you are, then you can love everybody else. A hundred percent. And you can be a good mom. I think it's only weird when people try to make it weird that women love themselves. I don't think it's weird. Like genuinely love. I don't think it's weird.

10:23Like what's up with that? I don't think it's weird. I think it's, you have to, I think you have to love yourself in order to pour into someone else. You have to first take care of you and you can call it selfish, but it's not, it's selfless. It's not, it's selfless. And for, and when you have kids, yeah. And when you have kids, cause you have to be able to, if you have a daughter too, right, you have to be able to teach your daughter that too, that first before anything, you got to love who you are inside and out and be comfortable being uncomfortable. It's okay that you're going to be uncomfortable, but you have to love yourself and embrace.

10:54Yes. I agree. I agree. I love it. Right. So motherhood, I'm sure has changed you, right? Like anybody, motherhood makes us grow up. Motherhood gives us a lot of challenges. So how does motherhood really shape who you are right now? Besides like, you know, what we just talked about, how does it play a big role? Well, I think it's definitely made me a lot more, not only intentional about how I spend my time, but how, you know, God, I feel like my kids are mirror for me. They make me realize my, um, my shortcomings and the work that I need to do on myself. And that has nothing to do with even professional stuff.

11:33Like I realized, I was like, girl, you need to work on your patience. You need to work on, you know, your tone, because in my mind, I said it one way and I was like, maybe that came out a little differently. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're a lot more conscious of what you're doing. Yeah. They made me much more reflective on how I present myself, not only to the world, but to them because they're watching. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. They are watching even when you think they're not. Yeah. It's so crazy, but let's switch gears. Let's talk about cool Kelsey. Sure. Let's tell me a little bit about cool.

12:05I love it. And tell like, I love what you said. You're like, girl, that was a screen name. Yeah. Cool Kelsey was a screen name. Yeah. And I always say like, I'm dating myself when I say that. But I was on, you know, Yahoo chat and AIM and AIM Messenger. Like that's what I did after school, you know, and it just stuck. Whenever I got to a new website, I was like, Cool Kelsey. There we go. So let's talk a little bit about it. Tell me all about Cool Kelsey. Oh, my God. The name? Oh, my God. Or just who that was. I don't know. Maybe the platform. Yeah. OK. So Kelsey, Cool Kelsey, I should say, has been kind of like a transformative space where, you know, you can kind of follow my journey from, from the modeling to the acting, to the family, and then now kind of exploring completely new spaces into hosting.

12:53This is something new for me too. So it's just kind of a long, I don't know. It's a very kind of go with the wind kind of space. Does that make sense? Yeah. Where's your journey? Like, where do you want it to take you? Ultimately, honestly, I think more than anything else, I've always wanted to act. So you want to act. And that's what brought me here to New York in the first place. And that was 11 years ago. Gotcha. I got distracted. I'm not going to lie. But that's really what I want, you know, because I feel like that encapsulates, you know, what my heart wants the most. And some of this other stuff also plays a role, the content creation, how to create a beautiful scene.

13:31Right. You know, how to set up a scene, how to write a script. All of that goes hand in hand to what acting and telling a story is. And you do content creation for other people. So you help them. Sometimes I do. So when you were saying your clients, because you said clients, so people call you to help them with their content creation. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. It's actually turned into be more of something my fiancee does now just because I'm like, okay, mine has turned into more of an image, like a brand for myself. There you go. Okay. So it's just kind of transformed, you know, over the years. It used to be, oh, my, you know, a girl will call me up and be like, hey, you know, can you take some really cool pictures for me for my brand?

14:08I'm like, sure. Right. And I wasn't even an influencer then. This is just at the baby phase of where the Cool Kelsey name really came from. So you're not using Cool Kelsey anymore. I mean, I use it. It's my name. It's my at. But I'm Kelsey. But what you're ultimately trying to do is take everything and then ultimately act. That's what I would like to do. But I feel like you're on your way there. Let's talk a little bit about that real quick. I'm probably going to get on my way back. I feel like you're on your way. I mean, what's next for you? Because I know you got something cooking. What do you have cooking right now?

14:42So I actually just came back like a week ago from Mexico City. I filmed a very special show called Destination Vacation that's coming out on Lifetime. And it's actually like, I'm going to call it a show within a show. Maybe that's the wrong way to say it. But Montel Williams has a show called The Balancing Act. And this is kind of like a new segment for them to share, you know, me and my partner traveling for the first time away from our kids, living our life up in Mexico City and showing like the really interesting things to do the food you know that's cool that whole cool thing I love it how long did you go for oh my god we're there for I think four days four days and then you just kind of packed it all in there did some filming and I know you don't want to I know you don't want to give it away but what an incredible experience yeah yeah where it starts though so you're on your journey and on your way yeah and I think that's you know kind of the way I saw it I was like you know what host something you know even though a lot of it is very like off the top you know I was like girl get your chops up there we'll meet some people love it you know you can see me on screen and see what I look like wink there you go what do you want people like if you can tell the audience right now like what do you want people to know about you and what you're doing and tell that and then also well I'll ask you the next question because there's a lot at one yeah so what do you want them to know about you oh my god Quite honestly, this is such a loaded question because I always feel so funny talking about myself.

16:05It feels strange to me. But I would say if you were to know something about me, I honestly think I'm just a mom trying to make it work. And maybe I'm just like I'm a soul out here searching every other day just like everybody else. There you go. Does that make sense? Yes. Like I don't I've never argued myself as a this or a that. I'm just like a floating thing. And when something sticks, then I'm happy with it. Maybe that's the Libra in me. I float around until I'm happy. Because I, you know, not floating like with no direction, but floating as if like I'm okay with not knowing what's coming next and making the best of that situation.

16:51I love that. Fly by the seat of your pants. I think everything happens the way it's supposed to happen anyways. I think that's what happens. So if anybody wants to get a hold of you, where would they find you? Okay. So you can follow me on my Instagram. I'm at cool Kelsey. And that is cool with a K. Don't forget the cool with a K. K-O-O-L. TikTok is real cool Kelsey. I've got coolkelsey.com. I'm pretty much cool Kelsey everywhere. When does it, can you, are you allowed to talk about when the, your lifetime? Yeah, I think it comes out in early August. Forgive me because I don't know the exact date, but I think it's early August.

17:25So we're going to bring you back after that. And then we're going to have a whole recap about the show. What do you think about that? We're going to have to. We're going to have to, honey. Because I'm excited. I'm so excited. I know today we only got to spend a little bit of time. But we will do this again. I'll be back in New York again. So we'll come out here. We are going to have. We'll do. I think we should do the podcast over a drink, though. What do you think? That's even better. Yeah. Yes, please. Because I definitely had wine before I came here. There you go, girl. So, Kelsey, it has been a pleasure.

17:52I know it's been short, but it's been amazing. and we're going to do this again. We're going to pick up right where we left and talk about your journey through Mexico and what you're doing. But thanks, girl, for coming and hanging out. Thank you for having me. Thanks, boo. Appreciate you.