Stronger Than Every Setback : A Story of Resilience

0:00But I ended up having my daughter at 16. And looking back now today, I see my daughter having the room that I didn't have room, like safeness that I didn't feel safe with growing up. And I think that's just attributed to me graduating high school early, me starting college early, me having a child early. And I think we need to really pay close attention as we reflect on things, what we're in alignment with. and I think all the things that I just mentioned like not feeling safe in my home not feeling I can confide in someone you'll start looking outside of the home to confide in someone and so I met her father who passed away and as I was pregnant eight months pregnant just so everybody knows and that's when I started going on a bereavement journey like a widower's journey that I never thought I would have in my entire life but that just led me to being this woman who I am today

1:16Welcome back to the BILF pod where authenticity trumps authority. Now, if you know reality TV, then there is no mistaken that you will know Miss Farrah Abram. Now she is, I'm sure you guys all know this and I don't even have to, I don't even know why I have to intro you because you just, you're a whole intro in yourself, girl. Well, I am so excited to sit here with you. Thank you for having me. Oh my, I'm so, girl. Thank you for just, you know, being you and raw and authentic. So you ready to do this? Yeah. TV personality, author, like what is it that you don't do. Go big, ladies. Go big. Don't ever settle.

1:51You know what? I love that. I love what we were talking about last night. You have so much to you. I love that you are an entrepreneur. You are a mom. And you said that this is really a huge year for you, right? Your daughter's going to be 16. Yeah. So my daughter is 16. It's a big reflection point for the culture of teen mom, 16 and pregnant, where I started. So yeah, she's the age of when I started my fame, the success of this huge franchise. And it's just also just like a golden era. This year has so much opportunity with AI. And I hope as we talk about this today, people will really get into this.

2:30There was a huge boom back in the day with Mark Cuban's generation, where they had a big boom with media, communications, and television. And that's where they made their millions. So right now we have this opportunity of this golden boom with AI. So hopefully we'll get into that today. And when I first heard of BILF, I was like, business I'd like to fuck, but I guess it's boss. Yes, girl. Oh my God. I'm dead. That's so funny. I'm going to just say there's some businesses I'd like to fuck today. So we should talk about those. There's fuckable businesses. Let's talk. I mean, let's dive into it.

3:04But wait, before we begin though, I really want you to get your story out. Just real quick background. I mean, before 16 and pregnant, like where you were, how you like really brief, like five minutes, tell who you are. So I was born and raised in Council Bluffs, Iowa, Omaha, Nebraska, the big O, um, the downtown old market. Everybody loves it, loves to visit. And I, you know, just was raised in public school. Um, I, you know, I had a half sister. Uh, my parents ended up getting divorced on the teen mom show. but I ended up having my daughter at 16. And looking back now today, I see my daughter having the room that I didn't have room, like safeness that I didn't feel safe with growing up.

3:51And I think that's just attributed to me graduating high school early, me starting college early, me having a child early. And I think like we need to really pay close attention as we reflect on things, what we're in alignment with. And I think all the things that I just mentioned, like not feeling safe in my home, not feeling I can confide in someone, you'll start looking outside of the home to confide in someone. And so I met her father who passed away. And as I was pregnant, eight months pregnant, just so everybody knows. And that's when I started going on a bereavement journey, like a widower's journey that I never thought I would have in my entire life.

4:29But that just led me to being this woman who I am today, who wanted to understand mental health, who wanted to recover, who didn't want to be in grief and bereavement her whole entire life and let that define her. And it took a lot. But I'm grateful that I had my daughter so I could compare these ages and actually understand how important child development is and that relationship with your child. And I would say to any mom or any dad who's listening, the biggest thing is I never let anyone, even from production who are very manipulative, very friendly, we're like family. I never let any distractions or people get in the way of my relationship with my child.

5:17No grandparent, just nothing. And I think those outside distractions and forces, you know when you're at 16 you're like oh I'm scared or I'm fearful but I have none of that with my child none of that with my daughter and she really confines me like over a therapist over her friends she doesn't side with anyone who's like trying to do secrets because that's that's a bad way to live your life so that is my life in a nutshell and that's who I am and the woman that I am today and what I've been through and so resilient I have to add I mean just gotta have that grit. Yeah. So I used to watch you when you were 16 and pregnant.

5:54I watched the show for a very long time. And just to see where you were to how resilient you are today. And I love the relationship you have with your daughter. You met mine yesterday. Yes, I love your relationship. So I think we have very similar parenting. Open, who knows if it's not the most conventional, but what's conventional, you know? Like who cares? But what I really, really admire about you is there has been a lot of controversy out there and you've been able to rise above. People talk, I mean, people talk shit, whatever, but look at you. So what do you have to say to all the people that have what to say about you, but look at you and your empire.

6:32Like, how do you even combat that? Yeah. I think like our discussion last night when you're like, Hey, when I hit 40, I realized like none of these pressures matter. Don't say my ear on age. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh, I'm just sorry. Whatever age you hit, you're just like, none of that matters. I will say when I was literally having like really bad anxiety leading up to my daughter turning 16 just because I knew how tumultuous my 16 was, which is not the same as my daughter's. But everyone who's been watching me for, you know, 16, 17 years following me, whether that's on TV or digital, everyone was projecting like you're going to have the same relationship as your mom or like, you know, from day, you know, from, you know, in my head as I was raised, like systemically, they were just like, if you're a teen parent, you can't give your kid what I've given you.

7:26You can't make it to what I've made it. And I will say this, every negative thought or anything systemically ingrained in like my brain, my computer system. I learned when my daughter turned 16, that that was all a lie. She has a much better life than I have had. She has more than I ever had at 16. She has her home brand. She's doing exceedingly and abundantly better. and I am, I'm just in a better place as well than my parents. And I have to say that like overall, like even when I just like was out for my press tour for like my comedy and like that next level in my career, I still had older hosts saying, Oh, well, you're not that great at your timing.

8:14I was like, what do you mean? Oh, cause you were 16 and pregnant. And I have to say, whatever that negativity is, whatever that, um, like lack of inclusion and equality is for younger parents. I hope that I have really de-stigmatized that. And I've just said like, basically like older parents suck too. Older parents have worse issues than I have. And it's really not about how old you are. It's not about how young you are. It's about how you rise to the occasion of whatever challenge you were dealing with. Um, and something I'm super passionate about since this, uh, like a 16 year reflectiveness is that, um, I even have it like on a change.org thing, just so like it's up.

8:55So people know, um, because I don't like to talk about it all the time, but I feel like I would love like a new law, um, for my life experience, my walk of life. I have just come to the understanding of, we have no inclusion and equity in contraception, uh, prevention. for vulnerable age groups. We have, I don't know if you want to call them children or if you want to call them young adults, but it's an act of God when a guy and a girl can then now procreate, can now have babies, their body does their own things. It's not what age limit you put on someone. It's an act of God. And I think I just want that inclusion and equity act for those vulnerable age groups, whether you're 10, 11, 12, I'm not saying anything crazy.

9:42We see on the news that there's It's true. I have young kids, so I can tell you it happens in middle school. Yeah, there's young adults that are pregnant all the time. People act like I was crazy because I was 16 and pregnant. But the thing is, no one is crazy for getting pregnant at early ages. We have a whole gap that doesn't provide prevention. They lead to crisis like abortion or adoption. And as we've seen just from Teen Mom, my colleagues, my cast members, Caitlin and Tyler, they gave their child away for adoption thinking that that was going to help them with a brighter future. Well, they had thousands, if not millions of dollars thrown at them on TV, everything.

10:23And their life is not in a better place. They're in debt. They lost her house. They have three children. And so whatever we've been systemically told and just like pushed down and low self-esteem and controlled and manipulated, it was all wrong. And so when my daughter turned 16, I saw this full circle and I've lived it. And I just want anyone and everyone to know if you're a parent who feels that way about your child, you're in the wrong. If you're a host on a news station and you're doing that to people, you're in the wrong. So I just really want that. And hopefully one day we'll have an act in a law and everyone will be included.

10:59And that's what's real. That's what's real about our society. So more the merrier. If you're a middle schooler getting pregnant, if you're a teen getting pregnant, more the merrier because our whole society has left that out. Yeah. I mean, so passionate about everything you're saying. And I think that it just goes to show, like if anyone has anything to say, because you know, there's things in the tabloids about your parenting and what you're doing, but I think it's very obvious that the one thing that's at the forefront of your life is your child. Yeah. And that in itself should be - No one gets in the way of it.

11:27I haven't gotten remarried. I don't choose men over my child, and there's other teen moms who do. You see it all the time on the show. They're getting remarried. They're having IVF. It's almost like a joke about 16 and pregnant now. Um, so I just have to say like, I am walking the true walk that other parents are conscientious of in real life. Like they don't want people around their child. There are predators. There are all sorts of things that can get in between and distract my relationship from my child. And I just take it so personally. I take it because it is a personal thing came out of me.

12:01But isn't it funny? Like how everyone gives you this unsolicited advice or there's like haters on there talking so much shit about you. But meanwhile, you're right. You didn't get remarried. You still have one child. So it's not like you went out, started, you know, this whole, whatever, this hoe era, I like to call it. It wasn't, it wasn't even, but you can tell. So it's just, it boggles my mind how people have so much to say about you and what you're doing. And meanwhile, here you are developing AI. Right? We can talk about that. Oh my gosh, yeah. That was super. You just took, I think you took 16 and pregnant, correct me if I'm wrong.

12:36You used it as a platform to not only better your life, but your child's life too. Yes. So people have what to say. I know you do OnlyFans too, so we can touch on that. That's, I mean, why is that bad? But everybody has what to say about you. Yeah, there's double standards. Yeah. You're saying double standards. Yeah, of course. I forget, like there's some woman who has like a show now. and um denise richards right or someone well what's it about uh it's like her she got remarried and now her girls are teens and they do and her daughter does only fans and then she did only fans and i have to say it's like crazy because older women younger women can do only fans but like when i do it it's like targeted only fans have to like pause my pages sometimes because it's so targeted um from negativity and just lies and you know there's a lot of women online who were stealing against the law.

13:30Like my pages clearly say, if you do not have my consent, you cannot take any of anything, even if it's free, it's a subscribed platform. And so I had lots of women leaking all of my stuff, whether it was like, basically a lot of it's a joke on my pages. And I should feel free to do that there. That's my private space. That's my comfortable space. That's where people can talk to me about all sorts of problems and I've helped them with their lives. but I cannot believe that other women who have children and a husband would put themselves in a legal crisis steal my content put it all over tiktok someone did this to you yes and then bar sports picked it up and I basically had to threaten everyone like you're going to be sued I'm not letting this go and that's where you like see me saying like I stand up for my value and my worth.

14:25I don't ever let that shake. And I think a lot of us need to stand true to our boundaries in that and stand like these are our constitutional laws and I am going to hold you accountable for that. And because of that, we now have like new digital like laws on the internet where like if you search, like try to search like pornography or something, you cannot see it. There's like a digital act. So as I've been just sticking to this and talking loudly about this, I feel like our online safety for everyone's personal photos, videos, or whatever it may be, it has finally gotten into the brains of people who need to stop doing that.

15:04It's very rapey on the internet. And I have to say that word ever since, ever since I was like assaulted a couple of years back, I just really from like deep trauma therapy, I realized from like childhood up how I felt about like consent and boundaries and how most of us have to really work hard still to just instill our boundaries because we are systemically taught to not stand up for ourselves. It's like herd mentality. Let's just let it go. Let's just let it slide. And then you have a ruined life. And I just know from paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to fix my brain, fix my life, that I was tired of flushing it down the toilet.

15:45And I just really wanted to live by it. So if you're a mom, if you're anyone who is like stealing my content, clearly you don't have the rights to it. And I say it on all my, all my platforms, um, you're like a rapist. And I hate to say it like that, but you truly are. And I think that is what's wrong with society and why we let, um, you know, sexual assaults and predators go for 20 years before they're thrown in jail. Um, so I think, you know, It's just to a point in your life where, hey, do I want to live in consent and respect people and respect myself and have good self-esteem and just leverage everything I have and let my businesses grow?

16:25Or do I want to be over here and let things just hit me, screw up my life, not have any boundaries, use and abuse other people? And that's just – there was an occasion where there was a clear divide. and I could not wish wash it anymore in life. So that's just kind of where I'm at. And I live my life by 12 steps. And I just want like good people around me. So I hope that's clear on how there's two ways of life. And my coaches always say, you can flip over the coin and live your life a better way. Or pray for the other people who are not yet. It's a choice. It's a choice. And I just think people got to take that real serious.

17:06Well, I mean, that makes so much sense. Like you can choose to live your life however you want. You want to, you know, you want to be sad all day. That's a personal choice. So tell me, let's talk a little bit about your relationships because we talked yesterday about boundaries and I think you do a very good job. I was learning from you last night about boundaries and keeping people at bay. Yeah. Which is hard. And just, you know, for you, you've been in the spotlight for 16 years. Yeah. So how have you been able, and I know you have some cast members that you've worked with, that the boundary is up, but they also get on live TV or do podcasts and sit there and literally just bash the shit out of you.

17:43So how have you been able to kind of navigate that? And like, we'll start there. How have you been able to not navigate that? Yeah. So I had an epiphany with one of my coaches one day, my ADHD coach. And there, again, my, my whole body, mind identity had to be rebuilt from the ground up from my attack. I love how you do a lot of self-improvement too. There was no choice. So you are aware. Like you're not without flaws. We're all of us. We are not without flaws. So I love that constant improvement. Yeah, I had to or I wouldn't be back to work. So she said, one of my ADHD coaches said, like Farrah, I think like what is really struggling is it's not – so a lot of people think with ADHDers they have like defiant disorder.

18:32It's actually not defiance. We have, and it's not depression and it's not anxiety. We just have a depressive response. And it took me years to understand this because no one around me believed in mental health, mental education, our ADA, constitutional recognized disabilities in my home, in my work. And I think that's also what's wrong with society. So I didn't understand myself. I ended up scanning my brain, my daughter's, and I learned more about depressive response. Then I kept searching and looking and I was like, well, there's, you know, there's people around me who are like super negative.

19:10Like, is that what they have too? But they don't know what they have. And so I really started studying like our brain types from Amon's clinic. They're top number one, tons of celebrities on their episodic podcasts and recovering. So I started just getting into like brain types and understanding what I'm looking at in human behavior. And I think that's like super important for children, for anyone. So once you're educated, you're like, hey, one day I was just like, it's negative stimulus. I need to say I'm choosing positive stimulus today. So I wrote a note, and it's still up in my office till this day, years, years later.

19:52and it says, I choose positive stimulus today and every day so I have a better life. And every time that I see that note on my office wall, I realize I made a commitment to myself. And when I catch myself having negative stimulus, like people who argue and fight with their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, that is, you guys are all in negative stimulus. and they call it like that negative response or the depressive response for ADHD. But there's also a lot of other disabilities where they have these negative responses. And I've truly shared this with so many men and it's helped their lives.

20:33It's helped their relationships. It's helped their businesses. Because yeah, we weren't taught growing up what that is. We weren't taught anything about it. People just like put an excuse on it, put a label on it. I had the wrong therapist for so many years, the wrong psychologist for so many years. And then I finally found someone who could identify it because she was smart enough, did enough school and education. And literally, she has changed my life. And I'm always indebted to that person who helped me get on the right track. I think misery loves company too. And then once you get sucked into the nonsense, then you just become a victim of it.

21:09And it just swirls round and round. And I think the victim thing, I have to say, I was tired of being a victim. Yeah. I'm tired of being a victim of if it were ever my family, my community, what I was raised around. I'm tired of the victimhood of that. I'm tired of how I was raised. I'm tired of if I was attacked and I'm in a support group and everyone's a victim. like I really do get tired of the victim mentality. And I think cause like at church, it's all about like, how can we recover against all odds? How can we be like a victor rather than a victim? And cause it's a choice to be a victim.

21:54Like things happen, you know, you can be victimized, but I think it's a personal choice. Like if you want to, you know, shit happens to all of us. I was telling you yesterday, my dad died when I was really young and it would have been very easy for me to just use that my entire life. Well, you know, I didn't do well in school because my dad died or I did this because my, that's a choice. But at some point you have to say, all right, shit happens. It does. Unfortunately it happens to all of us, some worse than others. But when you choose that victim mentality, it overtakes you and it becomes who you are.

22:23It should only be a part of you, not who you are. And that's, I mean, that's why I love talking to you because you know, I mean, look, shit happened to you. Shit really happened. But I love when people, they just like highlight all this shit but you're like fuck it I don't care yeah put up that boundary there yeah incredible that is super I do feel like again like if you're a business person and you're going through a lot of legal issues which I am all the time right now and every day I love that fuck I love the transparency she's like fuck it I am yeah I am and my attorneys and my lawyers are truly like is this girl okay because I literally will talk about some really dark traumatic stuff, but I'm like, I helped myself so much that I can talk right through it to my legal team that I can say, Hey, this is what's next because I don't want trauma getting in the way of me winning of something going like faster so I can get through it.

23:17And I think what I've seen from other victims of the same circumstances is they disassociate. They say, Oh, I'm going to just let it ride out. I'm going to just let it be. I'm going to let it process. Um, and unfortunately our laws don't just say, Oh, just let it ride out and just revisit it whenever you want. Um, there's like, just, you know, there's like, if you have two years or if you have three years to get something going for your crime or get repayment for that. And I think I've just seen a lot of victims wait, you know, 10, 16 years, whatever it may be. Uh, and they still disassociate.

23:57And I just am like, I'm not disassociating. I'm sitting in it. I am sitting in everything that I need to fill and I'm filling right through it. So I don't have to have like anxiety medications and be depressed, you know, on top of depressive response, which I'm just born with. Um, so I just don't like that. I don't like sitting in it. Um, and so I hope others hear that because I know I fought for like three years trying to get my mental state right. I hired anyone and everyone. I did anything, neuro direct feedback, scanning the brain, uh, anything. Um, and I was sad all the time to my coaches and my psychiatrist.

24:34And I just said like, where is a girl? Like I used to be like, like you've been teasing me of talking about it because I would like read my book that did so well. And I was like, damn, this girl had like fire, like, and I'm happy I wrote a book so I could have a best friend and I could revisit it. And so it was like, I had to look at all the things I accomplished. And I would say to my coach, like, I just really, I really need to get back to this woman that I once was. And she's like, oh no, you're going to be better than that woman. You're going to come back and you're going to be like a force of nature.

25:11And it finally started happening so much so that I could get on a comedy stage, use my voice bigger than ever, and even talk about assaults and laugh at it now. But yeah, it used to hurt me that I couldn't get back to the girl I used to be. And I saw my daughter and I, we were just traveling to Miami and I saw the girl who came with me to Planned Parenthood when I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter at the airport at a baggage claim. How ironic. And she comes up to me and she just is like Farrah and hugs me. And it's like, I'm right back to when I was 16 and pregnant reckon like I'm there.

25:50Like I feel the aura. And then I'm like, oh my God, everything's the same. But Sophia is 16. My daughter, you didn't, she didn't even know the name. My daughter is 16. She's here with me. And it was just mind blowing. And I have to say, just like seeing her, feeling the feels, understanding where the girl I was and the woman that I am today, like she brought up to my daughter. She just started talking about the girl who I was to my daughter. And I was just hearing her talk about me. And she's like, your mom was fierce. She's like, your mom was out there. She like took control of the whole entire school.

26:29And I was, I was like, really? Look at you now, though. You're doing it now as a woman. Yes. But your energy is there, girl. You are there. My energy is there. I don't know the Farrah before, but I know the Farrah now. And your energy is so infectious. Like, even just like, I could see my energy rising because your energy is so fierce and so positive. I mean, you're there. I appreciate it. So like, fuck what everybody else has to say. Oh, no, but I'm seeing those reminders. Right? Who cares? I told you yesterday, like, it comes a point where you're like, I don't give a fuck anymore. All these haters out here, everyone's talking shit.

27:02Like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. So what I do love, though, about revisiting your old self, seeing people who you haven't seen in like 17 years who knew the old you and then is seeing your life today, seeing who you are today. And they're reminiscing and they're telling like your offspring about you is I love, like that's what I hope you all hear. and that's when you revisit yourself and when you see old friends and no matter all this stuff, legal problems, plastic surgery, horrible relationships, everything, you can throw the kitchen sink at it of what I've been through. But I'm still loving that amazing teen girl who everybody talks about.