The Courage to Create: Kearran Giovanni's Journey in Acting & Life

0:00So I just turned 43 in December and I got a tattoo. I like took myself to a place and I got a tattoo and I was like, I've always wanted to do this. And it's really important. My mom passed away. So it's a butterfly for her because she had lupus and it's her initial and my two daughters initials in it. Why am I, why am I holding back from what I want, how I feel, what I think it's time.

0:33You wanna be a boss today

0:42Welcome back to the BILF pod where authenticity trumps authority And we are here today with Kieran Giovanni And well first question do you know what a BILF is? Um I believe I do What do you think it is? I think it is a boss I'd like to follow. And you, my dear, are a boss. You are a boss. I am so excited about today's episode because literally your energy, as soon as you walked in the door, I could tell we're going to be BFFs. I know. Can you not feel it? I can feel it. And our kids are the same age and our lives are parallel. Then the birth date. That was really weird. Then the birth date just now.

1:19That's wild. That was really weird. That was super weird. So for those of you that don't know, Kieran is a true bilf. She's appeared in movies, been on Broadway. I don't know what you haven't done, right? I mean, you really are a mom, a wife, a superhero. I mean, just you really are holding all hats all the time. I cannot, can you give me, you have to give me your whole backstory. Like, how did you go into acting? Did you already know as a child? Was this like, did you want to be a princess? Like, what's your story for me? I think we're all princesses. You're a princess. No, you know what? I did not want to be an actor.

1:55I wanted to be an OBGYN and deliver babies. That was like my whole goal in life. And I had done other things. I was a dancer. I was a gymnast. I had done track. I was a cheerleader. You know, I'd done a lot of sports and athletics and danced for a long time. And it wasn't until I went to HSPBA, which is the high school for the performing and visual arts. I went to that. You did? Not for performance, but I went to a specialized high school for law. That's hilarious. And look at us now. So far. It wasn't until then that I figured out I could actually do this as a career and make money and that I had talent.

2:33It took someone else telling me, you could actually do this. And the person that did that ended up being my acting teacher for four years when I went to school. And yeah, so I got into a musical theater conservatory at the University of Cincinnati called CCM. and it's a very intense program where you can get cut if you have to audition for your spot every year. We started with 14. We ended with 12 people. It's, like I said, it's very, very intense. Lots of shows, lots of classes. And then we moved to New York as a class, auditioned for agents, and kind of, you know, just take the leap. So you sing and dance.

3:12Is there anything like you don't do? Do you cook? You definitely cook, too, don't you? I knew it. Probably like organic food, don't you? Not always. I mean, listen, I like a good seasoning. But yes, I do cook. So yes, I moved to New York. And it's a small world of Broadway and performers and, you know, kind of these specialized schools that all move there together. And so in about two or three months, I started Lion King. And it just kind of took off. And I kept, you know, every time I left, my parents were like, well, if it doesn't work out, you can come home. So I went to college and they were like, if it doesn't work out, you can always come home.

3:47Right. I'd gotten into Rice. And then I moved to New York and they said, well, if it doesn't work out, you can come home. Okay. And it just kept working out. And I just kept saying yes. And here we are. Then you never got to go home. I never went home. And then how'd you end up in L.A.? So I was in the middle of Anything Goes on Broadway with Sutton Foster. and I got an audition for Major Crimes, which was the show that I shot here for seven years. And I read the script and I was like, I'm going to get this. I knew the universe wrote that for me and I've never been so sure about something. And I told my husband, I was like, hey, if I get this, can we move to LA?

4:23And he was like, let me see because he's in finance and there's an office out here. And I got it. And you played a detective? I did. I played a really badass detective. I love that. Is that like your alter ego? Was that kind of what it is? It's so fun. Like the power that you wield when you, I mean, obviously I know we're pretending here, but like there is a lot of power in a female officer. You know, they've got to be 10 times tougher, 10 times stronger. We already are just really smart, right, women? Yes. And yeah, it was really, it was so fun. I had the best time. It was a really wonderful dysfunctional family for, you know, 100 and however many 20 episodes that we did together.

5:04and yeah, I loved it. That's amazing. And then in all of this, you're a mom. I'm a mom, yeah. So how, you have two girls, right? I have two girls, yeah. 17 and 14. Yes. And I only know that because it's the same age as I know. It's so crazy. And how do you do it? Like, how do you juggle? Oh, man. Or is that not even a real thing? Because that's not like a real thing. No, I mean, I think that as women with careers, even if we didn't have careers, we juggle family, right? Like even if you're a stay-at-home mom, you're usually, I'm not saying always, but you're usually the one that has it all together, right?

5:39You've got the calendar. You know who's got ballet. You know who's got track. I mean, you're buying the gifts for the birthday parties. Like that's what we do. So you add work into it, and it's just a harder struggle bus as far as scheduling, right? But being super organized is the only way that I don't lose my mind. Like I, I, you would just have to be, my calendar looks like I literally threw the alphabet at it, but you know, the older they get, it's like a different kind of busy. Yeah. Then you become the chauffeur. Then you've, you know, it's like, you're just driving them. You're it's emotional.

6:11They're having their things, you know, they have their own social lives and stuff. Um, but it's crazy, you know? So I think, yeah, just like making sure that I'm really organized and that the calendar is like up to date. And, um, you know, the, the older they've gotten and the more I've momed, right. Sometimes like you have to say no, which is, can be hard to do, right. We want to please our kids. We want, we want them to like us, you know, but sometimes when, when you're all hands are on deck and there's just not enough hands, you have to say no. Like, and that's really hard, I think for a lot of women, a lot of boss women, right.

6:49Cause all we do is we make sure we check boxes all day, right? Who needs what? What can I do for you? And sometimes you just have to be like, I can't take you. No. Sorry. Yeah. That's a, yeah. A hundred percent. Do your kids think you're so cool? Sometimes. I'm a super nerd. So like, I think they see both sides of me. Like they see the, the like mom who's on set, who's going to like fun things and taking pictures and all this stuff. And then they also see like the super nerd that goes to Disneyland and like rides, rights with her best friend from college. Like, I don't know. I go like, I am a super nerd, just so you know.

7:25Oh my God. Don't let this makeup fool you. I have rules. I don't know. Do you have rules? Like, I have rules. I'm like, my kids have assigned rules to me. I've talked about this like a few times. No. Yeah. I apparently am really not that cool. They do not think I'm that cool. Nope. And I'm embarrassing. Oh, no. I'm embarrassing. Yes. How are you embarrassing? I don't know. First of all, you're like, look at this outfit. I'm embarrassing. Look at this face. Look at this hair. Look at this. Look at what you're doing. I think I'm cool. No, not. I have specific rules. I have guidelines. I have, what else do I have?

7:57I should be a mute, really. But we have a good time. Yes. I know. They're just messing with you, though. Mine do the same thing. They're like, Mom, no. I'm like, no? That's not cool? And they're like, no, it's not. It's hard, though. Would you say, you know, I struggle with this a lot. You know, societal views. And having a daughter, right? And you are glammed up. You're beautiful, right? Right. No, you are. You're exquisite. You're exquisite. But there's a, you know, there's a lot of women. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but it happens to it's happened to me where women outside women, they have their views on being a working mom.

8:30This is a big struggle. Even people in my own family have said, you know, the unsolicited advice that you get from people. I love that. You know, people just want to throw up their advice on you. I love it. I think I didn't ask. Yeah, I didn't ask for your opinion. But how do you deal with that? Like, has that happened to you where people are like, wait, you're raising kids and you're a mom? Has this happened before where people have their own unsolicited advice to you about this? You know, it's funny. Not anymore. I mean, I think that people see, like, what I do. And, you know, when you're acting, and especially during TV and film, you're not gone.

9:01At least I'm not gone all the time. I have weekends with my kids. I'm around. We do lots of things. You have lots of breaks. I think when I was doing Broadway, it was a lot harder because you're gone. You know, it's not just you're working weekends, you're working Christmas, Thanksgiving. Like every holiday that everybody else is off on vacation, you're doing work. And so that was a struggle for me. And I was really sensitive about it. And yes, there were people that were like, well, it's not like you're making a million dollars. You could just stay home. And thank God I didn't just stay home.

9:35Thank God I did not just go, you know what? I couldn't do it. You're right. I should. I'm only making a little bit. No. No. I was on Broadway. Like, I did not give myself enough credit for doing both at the same time. I felt shame. And that's what those people try to do to you. They try to shame you into, like, this preconceived, you know, societal norm that all you have to give is for your kids. kids, everyone should know by now that women can give and give and give. Kids, husband, work, neighbors, charities, friends. I mean, it's endless, right? It's as much as you want it to be. And so, yeah, I definitely had those people.

10:19And I just, it's so funny you asked that. I just looked back and I remember this very pivotal moment where I got this job and I was like, oh, should I take it? Should I take it? It was Finian's Rainbow on Broadway. And I was like, trying to get pregnant with our next one. And people were like, I don't know. And I met some of the most important people in my life during that show. A choreographer that I ended up working with for years. I ended up doing Hugh Jackman with him. I mean, it was, and it's, you know, never ending relationships that I still have. So. I love that. And you said something really funny.

10:55Like you were like, no, no regrets. Cause I was saying I travel and you're like, no regrets. But I feel like a lot of women do live with regrets. And my grandma would tell me all the time, you know, this ain't no dress rehearsal. You got one shot at this life. And for me, I feel like, and I could be wrong, look, whatever to each his own. But for me, my kids, first of all, are very happy that I work and they are never on the sidelines judging me, but more like that's a bad-ass mom. And that's what I'm trying to teach my children, not to maybe be away from the family all the time, but I want my daughter, especially my daughter, because of society and because, I mean, there are women, did you know that women could not buy homes alone until the 70s?

11:33Isn't that wild when we think about it? Now, to our kids, the 70s seem like a thousand years ago, but it's really not that long ago. Couldn't have a checking account, couldn't get a car. Like, our parents were part of that, you know? It's wild. That's crazy, but I want my daughter to know that there's no limitation in life. Like, zero. A hundred percent. Nothing. And I'm in a male-dominated industry. So I purposely work as hard as I do, juggling a million things, being a mom. Because I am a full-time mom. I work all the time, but I'm a full-time mom. Still do it. I do cook, too. Still do it. But I feel like it's so important when you have daughters, especially, to kind of get that societal norm, whatever that is, and let them know that you can do anything you want.

12:16And that doesn't mean that you can't be a stay-at-home mom. Look at you. You can do that, too. You can do whatever you want. As long as you're making a choice that you feel like is best for you, that you're happy with at the end of the day, that you feel like is best for your family, then no judgments. The last thing we should be doing, especially as women, is judging each other's choices. I don't care. Listen, what do I always say? My kids know, not my circus, not my monkeys. Oh, that's so true. I don't care. It does not affect me. It doesn't matter. I'm going to get up tomorrow and do the same thing I was going to do.

12:45So you do you. I'll do me. Yeah. And I might not be your cup of tea, but that's okay. And that's fine. It's fine. There's a lot of fish in this. See? I'll find somebody else that looks. I'll find some people. Yeah, it's all right. It is okay. It's just funny having daughters, though, because I feel like I have to be even more of a woman for my daughter. Because those eyes are looking at you all the time. So authenticity. I'm living, so I'm doing this whole thing. Really not doing this whole thing. Now I really want to live my real truth, however that looks. Right. Unapologetically me. Same. It's taken a long time to get there.

13:19That's the age thing, too. I mean, I'm 43. I just don't. We're the same age. Here, shut the front door. That's crazy. Okay, I don't know what's happening here. We grew up in the same, yeah. We grew up the same time, but we're the same age. But yes, I feel the same. But it took a while. Yeah, yes. It took a long time. I literally feel like, so I just turned 43 in December, and I got a tattoo. I like took myself to a place, and I got a tattoo. I love that for you. I love that. And I was like, I've always wanted to do this, and it's really important. My mom passed away, so it's a butterfly for her because she had lupus.

13:51And it's her initial and my two daughters' initials in it. Do you want to die? I have an L with my kid. That's my dad. My kid's – this is so – That's so weird. This is so crazy. That's so wild. But I love tattoos. But now I'm, like, obsessed. I see why people get, like, multiple. But, yeah, I feel you. Like, I just feel like at this age, like your mom said, like, it's only – this is it. Like, why am I holding back from what I want, how I feel, what I think? It's time. I'm sure in going through and being an actress and being on Broadway, I am sure that you had to overcome a lot of things. Insecurities, anxieties, and now, same thing for me and my business, and now I'm just at a point in my life where this is who I am.

14:38Like, take it or leave it, this is who I am. I am unapologetically me, but I want my daughter to feel that way too. It is so important. for young women because young women are subjected to social media and their friends. I mean, they deal with a lot more shit than we ever did. Oh my gosh, yes. 100%. I mean, I will say my kids don't have social media. At all? Zero? Zero. Probably better. They have a Pinterest board and that's it. That's okay. But I do like, to each his own. But we passed over the hump already where they ask about it and ask for it. They're kind of over it. And they do see their friends' opinions being altered by social media or how they're dressing or what they think is cool or whatever.

15:24She's like, oh, my God, it starts to be like everyone just is doing this because. Why are they wearing that? Well, because. Why do they think that about that lip gloss? Well, because. And these kids are starting to not be able to form their own opinions, right? Because they need someone else or social media to tell them that they've made a right choice. And just what you're doing in your work, you know, your kids see you making choices and being a bilf and, you know, taking the reins of your job and your career and all these things. And that's what's most important. You're showing them already.

15:58It's not even about what job you have. But what you're doing is you're erasing all that stuff from social media that they're seeing. And you're showing them what it's really like to stand up on your own two feet, have your own opinions, and make yourself known as important to you. And that's what we're doing. You're doing it. Yeah, you too. I mean, isn't Hollywood male-dominated too? Yes. Yeah, right? So you're up against, I mean, that's a lot. That's a lot. And then you have to look a certain way. If you don't play the part, what about, I mean, if you don't look the part, I'm sure that's something that you had to overcome.

16:35I mean, it's changing a little bit, but I think especially as a black woman in Hollywood, it's tricky. It's tricky because there is a feeling of this. What is it like being a black woman in Hollywood? Oh, she's tough. And that's not to say that we're not working, right? There's a lot of black women in Hollywood that are working, but there is a bit of this like monolithic thinking, like we have to be a certain way to be cast as a certain type of black person, right? There's like, well, she's not urban enough. She's not ethnic enough. She's not dark enough. She's too dark. It's like whatever their version in their mind is.

17:14And I mean like executive casting, whatever, in their mind, that's like they have this idea when the words are on the page that it must be this kind of black person. And it's really, it's eye-opening, right, when you really get down to it or the why of like why people get called in or why people get cast, that kind of stuff. It's, you know, it's not easy. I think it's eye-opening how the world sees things today still. Like people think that prejudice is gone. It's not. But, you know, people's stigmas are gone. It's not gone. And I don't think that people really realize that all of the things that we thought we've passed, they still exist.

17:53Yeah, I know. And I think more so now than ever before. We're living in such an incredibly crazy society. It's wild right now. It's so crazy. It's wild. I don't even know. It's wild. Yeah. With race, religion, gender, sexuality, everything. We didn't have this growing up. No. I mean, and listen, we didn't have a lot of, you know, it's not to say that it's just social media, but like things are just more attainable as far as information now. Right. So like, you know, it just, it's so easy and it's every second you're hearing in real time life happening. And I just think we're also more aware. People are more open.

18:24People are louder. The voices have changed. Right. So I don't know. It is wild. Yeah. But I think Hollywood for sure. Like, I want to say that we've changed a ton and we have, like, we've gotten rid of some people that needed to go. But those conversations that are inappropriate or racially biased or sexually biased are still happening. Like they're not not happening. They're just done behind closed doors. Yeah, I'm sure. Sorry, Hollywood. I mean, keep it real. It's the same thing in my industry. I come from a male-dominated, predominantly white male-dominated industry. Here I come in 15 years ago, this loud mouth, you know, young, I don't look white.

19:04I don't look Spanish. I don't look black. Everyone's looking at me like, what is she? And now I'm young too on top of that. So the stigmas don't get twisted. It's still there. It's still there. And it just boggles my mind, the ignorance that people still hold. Sure. Or if you're like, I'm sure first of all, you're gorgeous. They go, well, she's so pretty. She must not be smart. Yeah. Or yeah. You know what I mean? Like, well, she's, she's like too pretty. Right. Or they're like, oh, she's so pretty. She can't be funny. I'm like, no, look at what, you know, and that's still even, you know, comedy.

19:33This used to happen to me. I'm sure it does. They used to happen to me all the time. I'm sure they're like, you know, you're the assistant or, you know, you're someone's wife. Or if I sold, it was because my boobs were big. It couldn't be because I was a good salesperson. God forbid that it's like because you're actually, yeah. No, no, no. Actually, one of the first times I ever, I'll never forget this. I was walking into an insurance meeting. It's like one of the first sales meetings they ever had. Like they had this big thing. I walk in and people are like looking, They're chattering. And obviously, like, there's not a lot of women in the room.

20:01There might have been like one or two. And I'll never forget. I sit down next to this older white gentleman. And he was like, we were talking. He's like, you're cute. I was like, OK. He's like, but he's like, I don't know about your look. And I was like, my look. And he's like, well, he's like, how are people going to take you seriously? I'm thinking to myself, this man does not know that I graduated with a master's and an undergraduate degree in criminal justice. Like, I was on my way to be a lawyer. Like this was your life. This was not supposed, like who is this guy? He had no idea, but that's how that like, that's how I started.

20:34How could you talk to someone? Can you imagine like, I would never say this. You would never, I would never walk up to a male anywhere. Honestly, I don't care if I was in a bar and go, you're cute, but I don't know about this look. I mean, who says that? It's that unsolicited advice. I love it. Nobody asked grandpa. Nobody asked. I literally said this to me. I could not believe it. And lo and behold, years later, I ended up doing very well, but I'll tell you what, it wasn't easy. There was a lot of knockdown. There was a lot. How many times did you fail before you finally succeeded? I mean, we fail every day as actors, right?

21:06Like they send a script, we fail, you know, and fail is a harsh word, but you have to be okay with no, like that's the hugest part of this business. You cannot be soft. It will take you down. It is like a really, really hard relationship to be in that you keep going back to all the time. And yeah, you get told no, I mean, especially like I would say before COVID, things were a little bit different. You were really going into offices and it was like there was a real pilot season. It was before like tech decided to take over TV. Like we were just, we needed you. And so, you know, those were like no's every day.

21:40It was like a no, a no, a no. And then you would get one and you're like, oh, yes. It validates, you know, all the work you've done. And really, obviously, as actors, we know that it's not, you know, it's not usually us, right? It's like we just didn't fit right inside of that little pocket that they wanted, and it's not personal. But it can be really hard after a while. How many times were you rejected? Oh, gosh. I don't know. I mean, you lose count. Thousands, I'm sure. Thousands. I mean, thousands. But you're resilient, obviously, because you kept going back and getting up and doing it and taking that lesson and applying it and just building.

22:15Yeah. It's funny. I, Broadway, once I got there, I realized pretty quickly that I was good. I was like, okay, I can work. I will work. And I didn't stop. I worked. I went from show to show to show. I did nine Broadway shows. I had my two kids in between, pregnant and two of them. And TV was where I really wanted to, like, break into and do some more TV and film. And so, you know, I got my foot in the door by doing a soap in New York for a couple of years, which was really fun. and like I did One Life to Live. Did you? Yeah, for a couple years. Yeah, it was great. It was a really good training ground.

22:50I learned how to memorize lines very, very quickly. A lot of people start. Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is a great training ground and it's good in between of Broadway and TV because they don't hand hold. They're like, say your lines, cry when I tell you and tomorrow it's Christmas and the next day it's Thanksgiving and then this day over here you'll film like 16 different days in a week. And it moves really, really fast. And so, yeah, I learned a lot doing that. So that was your break? So that's where you started? That's where, I mean, I would say like Broadway is kind of my break. But, yeah, doing the soap trained me a lot.