The Unapologetic Mother: Dr. Karla Lee on Power, Parenting & Presence

21:04The difference between my mom and my mother-in-law is that when my mother-in-law comes, she tries to be me. Like she notices the things that I do. If I always have a bow on my daughter, when my mother-in-law comes, my daughter has a bow on.

21:18Karla Lee:Okay, that's good. Yes, yes. I don't have like a monster mother-in-law situation. My mom comes and she like, it's chaotic, you know? It's like complete disregard. Like, well, your mom doesn't let you eat ice cream, but you want ice cream. My mom does it too. Yeah. My mom's a good grandma, but the same thing. There's no rules with my mom. There's no rules. And she thinks like the bad words are funny. So like, I'll come. Yes, I get it. I get it. I definitely get it. So that was originally the space was to connect with people on authentic motherhood. And one thing or one common theme that we found was that people really link shame to behaviors.

21:58Right. And so they're not able to be authentic online because they're afraid that if they admit their mistakes, then people will see them as bad people. Or be canceled. Yeah.

22:10Karla Lee:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, we say bad people do bad things and good people do good things. But honestly, it goes both. Like sometimes good people do bad things. And when you know that that doesn't make you a bad person because you made a bad choice, then you have no problem telling people like I have nothing. No mistake that I've made reflects on me as a person. Yeah. It's just like where I was at the time. I made the best decision with the information I had. And in hindsight, a little questionable. Okay. But who cares? I love that. And part of your content is being unapologetically you.

22:47Karla Lee:So let's talk because some people are, you know, we throw around the word authenticity all the time. Yes. And we I think we use that as a shell for this authentic person we want to be. And for me, I don't know about you. I don't think that I became I think I suffered a lot from imposter syndrome for a really long time. OK. And then I think finally when I got older, seasoned, then I finally was like, OK, I've had enough life mistakes. I've had enough life experience that I really finally feel I'm at a place that I am unapologetically me. That doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes. That doesn't mean that.

23:21Karla Lee:But I'm comfortable in my own skin. That's what it means. Like, you know, I'm not ashamed. I used to be ashamed, like we were talking about, you know, having money and saying something. Like, I'm not ashamed that I have a cleaning woman. I worked really hard. It wasn't like I was just, you know, I worked really hard to be able to afford such, you know, such a luxury in life. or being ashamed of, you know, having a nice luxury car. I don't feel like I should be ashamed of that. I worked really, really hard. Exactly. And also, it's interesting that you bring up imposter syndrome because I was thinking about it today.

23:51I don't know if this resonates with you, but I think imposter syndrome in some ways comes from the fear of people seeing what you're actually doing. So, for example, take a duck. You know, when you see a duck on the water, it's like gliding smoothly. across the surface. But if you ever had a camera to go underneath, they're like fighting for their life. And so when you're like floating merrily down the stream, you feel like an imposter because everybody's waving at you like, oh, you're so pretty. You're so sweet. Everything is going so perfect for you. But like underneath, you're like, meanwhile, you're spiraling inside.

24:29And so then you have this fear that, oh, my God, people are going to realize that I'm not actually floating. I'm actually working my tail off and things are not as great underneath as they are on the surface. And then you realize, wait a minute, everybody's swimming the same way. Like everybody's feet are moving two times faster than their body. Yes. And we're all trying to figure it out. Everybody is trying to figure it out. So if you just be open about that, then I feel like, what are you pretending? You know what I mean? The imposter in me was that I was trying to make everything look easy.

25:07Yes. And now I'm like, oh no, that was actually really, really hard. Do not recommend. Zero stars. You know what I mean? Yeah.

25:14Karla Lee:And then you were telling me before that a lot of this content too came from your kids and going to school. So where did that? So let's talk a little bit about that. So in Orlando in general, there's this big private school, public school, you know, thing. A lot of private schools, a lot of public schools. But for my kids, being neurodivergent, there have been a lot of studies that show that if your children need specialized education, public school done right is the best place for them to be. That's the place where they can have the protections like a 504 or an IEP. Private schools don't have to offer that.

25:50And so in some ways, I'm trying to get something for them that money can't really buy, which is access to education. So then when you think about it, OK, well, how much should that cost? You know, is it my property taxes? Is it, you know, my income taxes? Like what what else do I need to pay to be able to send my kids to school and have the support and resources that they need? And for me, my experience with the school system is that it's just everything is a fight. You have to be willing to go in there and fight every little thing. And advocate. And advocate, yes. And for me, I think I'm the biggest gaslighter of myself.

26:34You know, like, oh, am I doing too much? Well, if I go up there, they're going to think I'm crazy. That they're going to take it out on my children. Yes, they're going to take it out on my children or whatever. But I had an incident not too long ago where I had to roll up to the school. I had on my pajamas. Like, you know, I did take my hair out of my little wrap because I was like, well, if I'm going to be on the news, I can't look too crazy. But essentially, there was a security guard that body checked my daughter. Like, and I was there. Like, I was watching. She got out of the car. She walked up to the building.

27:08and he felt like she shouldn't go into the door that she was trying to go into because she exited the vehicle on the wrong side of the car. So when he told her that, she was like, well, that's not my problem, which like, it's not.

27:24Karla Lee:Yeah, I'm like, why does this even matter? I dropped her out off. She was going to be late. The deans were calling and saying, hey, 30 seconds, 30 seconds. So she literally takes off running and he steps in front of her. And so I'm sitting there like, wait, Because I'm cheering for her from the car. Like, I want her to make it. If you know the struggles that we have with being on time for school. This is a problem all the time. I'm like, listen, I'm rooting for you because there are consequences in my house for being late for school. And I want her to make it. And so I'm like, what is she doing?

27:54Why is she talking to him? And I see them and I see the exchange. And then she tries to go around him. And he, like, you know, bumps her and, like, yells at her to go into the building. So she walks down and by then I'm like pulling into the parking spot and I'm like, excuse me, what is going on? So I have to go inside and I'm telling them like, hey, I need to speak to an administrator like immediately. And they're giving me the, oh, well, we don't know if anyone's available. Do you have an appointment? No, I don't.

28:26Karla Lee:I want to talk to the commissioner. But we can also call the police. Like, what do we need to do? So they have to, you know, find someone to talk to me. I sit there for like 30 minutes and then I call off the district office. So I'm sitting in the office calling the district office like, hey, I just witnessed aggression and hostility from a faculty or staff member. Like I'm trying to speak to someone at the school, but I'm not sure. And she's like, well, have you let them know that you're there? And I'm like, yeah, I'm sitting right here. She says everyone is busy, but I can't imagine what would be more important.

29:00than a student's safety, 30 seconds later, we got people down here. We've got people down here. Like, now we can talk. Now we can look at the camera. And it's funny because I don't think they thought that everything I said was going to be reflected on the film. You know what I mean?

29:21Karla Lee:Yeah. And then they try to cover it up. I have a really crazy story that happened to me, too. I'll tell you about it after. It's crazy. it's yeah and there's and then you always feel like as a parent you're right am i doing too much is it going to be taken out on my kid because i'm sure they do i'm sure they take it out absolutely my kid was publicly shamed in school about yeah well i mean it's kind of my fault i went a little crazy when the wrestling thing went on and i really lost it i didn't like it so the coach showed the film and was like well if you don't want your mom to go crazy again this is the technique you had to use it was it was like funny but then i was like why would he do that you know it wasn't his fault I went a little crazy I do not like humiliation as a teaching point no I don't like I don't think that that's okay no I don't think it was it was like thank thank goodness my son has like he's okay with that and me but when he came home and told me I'm like how embarrassing and I was acting like a real nut that day I was losing it seeing my kid he's on the ground it's wrestling granted it's wrestling and I'm losing it I'm like screaming get off my kid you know the parents right there I'm like get off my kid he's in a headlock I'm losing and they use the film.

30:25I'm definitely that sports mom too. Like my middle son plays sports and I literally, I say it every game. I'm not cut out for this.

30:32Karla Lee:No, I can't do it. I'm a nut job. I'm like, yes, I'm in that job as well. I cannot watch the game. I'm not going back to the wrestling tournaments ever again. I'm not going. It's too much. It's too brutal. I think it's barbaric. I don't want my kid to wrestle, but he's passionate about it. He likes it. Now the coach is like, Oh, you're doing really well. And I see a future in it. So I'm like, Oh Liam, can't we just do golf instead. Like, no wrestling, please. We already did the football thing. That was a little scary when he got tackled. I can't watch it. It's very, it's very rough. And that's one of the things that I've just had to release and relinquish as something that is above me.

31:05I do think it's in my sons, both of them, even my four-year-old, I see it in him too. It's in them that that's what they love.

31:12Karla Lee:Well, they come from a sports background, right? Your husband is an ex-NFL player. So he must be like, oh yeah, they're playing. This year, he's letting him take the year off. Oh. He said, so he'll be going into the eighth grade. And so this is our first season where we're not playing multiple sports. And he said, I really want him to just grow and develop outside of sports. Oh, okay. And so I'm supportive of that. Honestly, I'm thrilled. Couldn't be happier. Now you don't have to drive around because that's really bad. When you're driving one kid here, one kid there, that is the worst. And that's why I feel like the third kind of gets in where they fit in.

31:46because you know you always have things for the other two going on it's too much for the little

31:50Karla Lee:one this happens with me all the time now i have the little one just on a saturday he does little golf thing i don't even know if he really wants to play golf but we did something just to get it in to get him out of the house yeah he has golf and tutoring i think that's a lot in a week it is that's a lot going on we can't do any more than that so now where are you taking your content creation i don't know that was the thing so when you you guys reached out for me to come here i I was thinking about it and I was like, well, I don't really have a commodity because I'm just offering me. You know what I mean?

32:23Yes, I know exactly what I mean. So my perspective, which I do think is unique and I do think that it speaks to a lot of people. I've built a really strong community. But I don't know. I think the possibilities are endless. I do it because I love it. Not necessarily as an income stream. But as you know, anytime you work with someone and they are giving you their time and their energy and their resources, then obviously you should pay them for that. And so that's kind of where I am with it. It's still in the lane of a hobby, but it's also something that if I'm passionate about it and we're working together, then it becomes a part of a business.

33:09I think you can do a podcast.

33:11Karla Lee:I think you would get a lot. I do. I think you get a lot of viewers. People like to hear about mom life all the time. Yeah. And how you're juggling, you know, being a boss, being a mom, because you also work full time. Right. So now you're a mom, you're a boss, and you're a wife. Do you cook also? I cook. Yeah, I cook too. Nobody can believe that I cook, but I do. No, I do. I cook also. It's crazy. And then, you know, I'm trying to juggle everything in between. I think that'd be a great podcast for you. Don't you feel like the space is so saturated though? I don't know. I think if you come in with an angle that's different, then I think that you can definitely do it.

33:44Karla Lee:I think anything's possible. You just got to keep going with it. Yeah, exactly. And I think you get into podcasting. How did I? Mine was just out of nowhere, really. I had a friend like how my whole thing started. I was I've been in the insurance space for 17 years. And a good friend of mine, Leandro, who's actually over there, he came to me two years ago and he said to me, listen, he goes, I think that people really want to hear your story. There is not a lot of women in your space that are real, like that have really built, you know, a six set. Sorry, this time seven figure business and your mom, you know, and a wife.

34:20Karla Lee:And I think a lot of people in this public speaking space are not able to really resonate because there's something missing. I think you do really well with this. Let me brand you. I don't even know what that means. Yes, yes. So well, if Leandra wants to come and take me under my under his wing, then that's something that I can think about. But it is interesting that you talk about public speaking and, you know, things like that. I've thought about going into that as well. There's a big conference here. Well, it was here last year. Next year it's in Texas. It's called MomFriends. Are you familiar with it?

34:52Karla Lee:I'm not. Okay. So they bring together mom influencers from all over the country and they have panels. You'd be really great for a panel there. and they just talk about the business side of things and networking and then also avoiding like burnout because that's something that we also have to safeguard ourselves against. You know, when you have so many businesses and so many projects, it's like, how are you protecting you? I think that once you have a passion for something you love, you fit it in. So like for me with the podcasting, I have offices all over. So whenever I travel, I throw in a podcast.

35:30Karla Lee:I'm going to New York. I'm going to throw in a podcast. And you can do it back to back. You can find time. Just think about it this way. Anything you want to do, you'll find time for. Yeah. Especially if you have the infrastructure to build up around it. Which you can absolutely do. And the systems, you know, where, you know, people are handling the back ends for you so that you can really just come and focus on engaging with people. What you do. And that's what happened for me. I had a great team behind me that really pushed me to write a book from the book. I had, you know, a girlfriend that was like super creative and came up with the bilf name and then she was like you should do a podcast i'm like what would my podcast be on she's like other bilfs i'm like well okay i mean she's like it could be any type of boss and that's kind of how it you know one thing went to another and my hope is first of all if you have a brand behind you whatever that looks like you're you're building recognition so whatever you choose to do you know if you want to be i don't know if you want to open up a mom pop pharmacy you'll have a name behind you so you can always use that for right now have fun with it.

36:26Karla Lee:Exactly. It's still in the fun stage, but you know, you learn something every day. You meet people everywhere you go. Yeah. Social media has brought so many people together. There's a bigger reach. So many ideas have come together on social media. So many people have inspired me. I've heard like Patreon and then you do YouTube as well, right? So we'll see, you know, the sky's the limit it might be this might be something that i look back on and say this is it all started here on bill you know you never know all right we're gonna have some fun and we're gonna do some rapid fire questions for you okay so here's we're gonna i'm gonna ask you a question and then you'll you'll just kind of answer it okay um all right here it's real or cap i'm gonna throw out a few statements about pharmacies vaccines and health and then you're gonna tell me if it's real or cap all right Like pharmacists are just there to count pills and fill prescriptions.

37:19Karla Lee:Cap. Why? I mean, so the technicians count the pills, but there's just so many things. Automation has taken away the counting and the filling of prescriptions for the most part. So the pharmacist is really the brains behind all of the things that happen as it relates to how many people, how many doctors you're seeing, how many prescriptions you're taking. They're just looking for so many different things to help keep you safe. Love it. All right. Natural immunity is always better than vaccine immunity. That's a very controversial topic. Cap. Cap. Because natural immunity can come with consequences.

37:55Look at polio. You get polio. Yes, you're immune to ever getting it again, but you could be crippled.

38:00Karla Lee:Yeah. So there are so many situations in which natural immunity can kill you. Measles is one of them. So I think it's almost insane to advocate for natural immunity against so many different things. Agreed. Agreed. I guess so obviously vaccinate your children. Yeah, so do I. All right. Big pharma controls. What doctors and pharmacists recommend? Cap. Okay. Next one. Antibiotics work for viral infections like colds and flu. Cap. Generic medications are less effective than brand name drugs. Cap, but I will say that everyone is different and there can be a variability in response to a brand versus a generic.

38:43So I don't want anyone to ever discount their experiences where they say, I took the brand and I had this experience and I took the generic and it didn't work as well. That is totally within the realm of possibilities because everyone is different. Yeah.

38:55Karla Lee:So you can buy like over the counter, like, you know, Publix ibuprofen. That's OK. I do. Yeah, me too. All right. So I'm not crazy. You should stop taking antibiotics once you feel better. Cap. All vaccines contain harmful toxins and heavy metals that cause more harm than good. Cap. And last question. If a supplement is natural, it's automatically safe. Cap. There you go. There you go. Look, you're a woman with brains. I feel so smart. So, okay. So now you said you don't know, but what's your big vision for yourself? My big vision for myself? Or your, like, internal dream or something that you manifest.

39:32My big vision for myself is to build a community of women that are unapologetically high maintenance. I love that. That will walk into any room and expect the best because they deserve it. And they don't mind holding people accountable for what they deserve. You ever have that friend that goes to a restaurant and they always complain? Like, they get the food. That's how I started. My mom. That's how this all started. No one wanted to go out to eat with me because they're like, Carla, you know, this is P.F. Chang's. Like this, who cares if you didn't get, you know, they didn't take the rice sticks off.

40:04It's fine. And it started like that. But now I'm like, no, when I go somewhere and I order something, I do expect it to be how it's supposed to be. Especially if you're paying for it. Especially if I'm paying for it. So it's not rude of me. And I'm not going to let anyone frame me as rude for just pointing it out that this was not what I asked for, you know? I'm not rude. No, no. That's a word that they throw out there for us to be fearful.

40:32Karla Lee:So we're scared to be called rude. Yes. Because they might call us rude. Agreed. It might be considered rude. Who cares? But let me ask you a question. If a man does that, would that be considered rude? Absolutely not. Yeah. Assertive, you know? Yes. They're assertive. We're aggressive. They know what they want. So many things, though, and this is what I do love, is that so many things I don't even entertain because I know that my husband is going to have an easier time doing it, you know? And I'm not going to bark up that, you know, that road, like I'm not taking my car to the car wash because I know, you know, which car wash to pick.

41:10There's too many options. There's too many things going on.

41:13Karla Lee:Figure that part out. So that he has to do, I mean, I do think even though I am into the woman movement and, you do still believe in gender roles. Yeah. Not gender roles were like, you know, I should be slaving in the kitchen. But I do think that there are certain roles like, you know, I'm the mom. I'm still the mom. I'm the woman of the house. I do not take out the trash. I don't do it. I've had to do it like twice. And it was it was awful experience. I thought a frog was going to jump on me. But I'm just not doing it. Not taking the trash. Absolutely not. No. And then you have boys, too. Yeah, they can do it.

41:42They can absolutely not here. Come on. Yeah. There's someone that can do that. I do believe in gender roles. I do believe that at the heart of a family, someone has to be that nurturing side. And obviously if the mother is not there and the dad has to do that, then, you know, that's one thing. But in my household, like I'm the nurturer, like they're going to come to me for like that warmth and, and that connection. And he's okay with that. You know what I mean? Yeah.

42:14Karla Lee:My husband, I take care of all the school stuff as best as I can, but anything like the teacher's gifts and the newsletter and, you know, all of that stuff that all lies on me, the doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, but I'm okay with that because I feel like that is my role as a wife, you know, and I work with my husband. So at some point there has to be a separation and I need to be a wife and a mom. Well, you know, I do all that too, but I charge my husband. Oh yeah. Yeah, I do. Oh, I do. It does. I love that to do all of those things. I love that. I should just Venmo request at the end of the month.

42:45Karla Lee:Be like, you know, this is that we equally had a child together. So here we go. I actually really like that. I love this. You have to give me some more tips and tricks. And when you charge them, they honestly start to do things a little different. So like if I'm charging my husband for something, he will second guess, does he actually need to do it? So for example, golf, he golfs as a hobby, but he picks up my four-year-old from school. So if his golf game runs long, and I have to pick him up, I'm going to have to charge you for that. So now he pretty much tries to make sure golf does not run long.

43:23So now the golf game was in, because you had to teach them. You know, it's like having a fourth kid. Yes. There's a value attached to everything that I do. Everything. And so sometimes you got to up the price a little bit.

43:36Karla Lee:I love it. So if you had to give one piece of advice to a woman that is, you know, just kind of feeling that imposter syndrome, just really wants to, you know, just kind of feeling a certain way right now. What advice would you give to that mom, to that woman, just somebody that wants to go to the next step, be everything, juggle everything and be unapologetically her? My biggest piece of advice would be to address the connection that your mind draws between your behavior and shame. Once you separate yourself from being ashamed of any behavior, good or bad, you are free. I love that. I love that.

44:15And if people want to find you, where would they find you? So I'm on TikTok. I'm on Instagram and I'm on threads. All of my platforms, Facebook, three little Lee. I also have a blog, three little Lee.com. I post on there usually about once or twice a month. And I don't know.

44:33Karla Lee:That's great. No, you're that. That is so great. And for your first time being on podcast, you did amazing. I don't know if I put your business out there, but you did amazing. So here it is. If you enjoyed this episode, please do not forget to like, subscribe, tell your friends. We go over this every single week. But more importantly, I think Carla really did a great job of explaining how she juggles, how she's a mom, how she's an advocate. And my favorite part about all of this is how she is unapologetically herself. So I have a challenge for you guys. Think about something that you want to be unapologetic about.

45:08Karla Lee:Maybe it's going to a restaurant and ordering and complaining if something is not right or not complaining, correcting if something is not right. Or perhaps, you know, anything that you can think of, go ahead, write in. We'll display it on the BILF pod. But until next time, this has been an amazing conversation, girl. Thank you for coming by. I can't wait to see what's next for you. Thank you so much.