Hit Memoir ‘Strangers’ Has Wealthy Women Checking Marital Mone

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1:17What's that look like? Cheaper prescriptions that are easier to get and care that looks at the whole person. How you need it. Optum is helping make healthcare work as one for everyone. Learn more at business.optum.com. Bloomberg Audio Studios. Podcasts. Radio. News. You're listening to Bloomberg Business Week with Carol Masser and Tim Stenevek on Bloomberg Radio. This book has been everywhere from news articles to podcasts like even Oprah Winfrey, like celebrities have read it. And it's definitely a hit series. It's a memoir called Strangers. It's written by Belle Burden and the TLDR, too long didn't read.

2:01The long story short is she's a Harvard educated lawyer. She met her husband working in a law firm. They both have fancy jobs. They are both smart, educated, beautiful people. They get married. Sounds like very New York story. Yes, they get married and then the guy continues to work, becomes a successful hedge fund manager. Very New York, very Wall Street. And she stops working and she said it was almost automatic. Like I stopped working. They had kids. They raised a family. and she said I loved handing everything to him. I mean some don't yuck anyone's yum as I say like if that's her preference like to let her husband handle everything that's fine.

2:35But I feel like the breakup was all splashed over a lot of New York newspapers. They broke up and I forgot to mention that she's obviously very privileged. She bought their homes one in Martha's Vineyard in a beautiful Tribeca flat. I don't even know if it's beautiful. I'm assuming it's beautiful. Using her own trust fund money. Just sounds like it is. so it's her own trust fund money but when the man asked for a divorce he wanted 50 50 and that's why in the book she was like oh i was on the verge of losing both homes and that's why a lot of the i think i don't want to say just women but people who read this or i mean you know maybe it's a maybe it's a yeah husband who's dependent on the spouse financially like where does that leave you again um it was a great read it was an easy read i mean lots to digest lots to reflect upon.

3:24And we have the perfect guest for this, Abba Batarai. She's a Bloomberg News Equality team leader. She wrote about this through the lens, of course, of Wall Street and business. So I'm so excited to chat with you, Abba. Thank you so much for joining us. What made you write about this? Was it a discussion that you heard from your sources? And the angle is so unique because, again, it's about how women in financial circles suddenly had an awakening, or maybe not an awakening. But again, it just made them realize that this is a huge risk that can happen to anyone. Yeah, you know, it was just born out of conversations that I was having with my friends that I was hearing, you know, sort of people around me saying, I'm reading this book with my book club.

4:07And oh, my goodness, can you believe this happened? And a lot of times women wealthy, or maybe not so wealthy, were saying this really opened my eyes, like I decided all of a sudden, I need to sit down, I need to know where all the money is, where it's invested, exactly what the terms are of our deed or our prenup. And sometimes, you know, it was as simple as just knowing where the usernames and passwords were. But it was a real wake up call for all of the women around me. And as I talked to more and more people, it seemed that this was really happening around the country as well. Absolutely. And because, again, in the book, they were married for more than 20 years.

4:40So, I mean, you just really never know. And in your story, you quoted a divorce lawyer in Manhattan. And she said she's had multiple women call about just reworking or creating financial agreements with their partners. And again, I was telling Carol earlier or in the intro, it could be the other way around. I know some folks in which the woman is the one working now and the men are the dependent one financially. What did you learn from your reporting? Yeah, exactly. I mean, I think we have this notion that a prenuptial agreement is something that somebody with a ton of wealth makes somebody else sign.

5:11And then that's sort of it, right? But divorce attorneys really told me that's changing. It's becoming a much more fluid conversation, especially as people go in and out of the workplace to raise children, say, or, you know, just circumstances change. And so today's agreements are much more fluid. They're being revised. People are even getting post-nuptial agreements to sort of, you know, catch up to these new realities. And they're saying, hey, wait a minute. What if I step out of the workforce? Then can I get a cut of your retirement money? Can I get a cut of the investments that I'm missing out on?

5:41And so it's sparking all of these new conversations that I think couples had not been having in the past. You know, first of all, what's also makes, you know, Bell Burden story so interesting is, I mean, as you point out in the story, is that, you know, she, her pedigree, she grew up wealthy. Her father descended from the Vanderbilts. Her mother was the daughter of socialite Babe Paley. She's educated, went to Harvard, NYU, worked as a corporate lawyer. lawyer, she and her brother had long agreed they would sign prenups before marrying. Like, she was intelligent, right? Like, it's just, and I think some of us thought it was generational, that there was a point where women weren't working, and men were, and they just, the husband took care of so much.

6:24And we assume things have changed where women are involved as well, because they're working, or they've got their own money. But that's not necessarily the case, we're finding out. Yeah, it's not necessarily the case. And it's a really interesting dynamic, because in a lot of couples, we're starting to see women earn as much as the man or even out earn their spouse. And even then, about half of women in the country say that they are financially dependent, like they defer to their spouses when it comes to financial decisions. And as I was talking to women, I mean, a lot of them pointed out that they didn't set out for it to work this way.

6:55It was just kind of a delegation issue. You know, you're married, maybe you have kids, you're busy. And so it doesn't make sense for both people to be paying the mortgage every month. but a lot of times down the line, that means maybe the women aren't aware of what their money looks like in a way that they would like to be. I do agree with the delegation issue because like, for instance, when it comes to taxes, I just let my husband do it. I never want to think about taxes. Do you just sign and just like, do you look at stuff? Sorry, I'm being really judgy. Is it embarrassing if I admit, yes, I just sign?

7:26But thank you to this book. I will not just sign and because of Carol's grimace next to me. I drove my husband, I've got to say, Abba, I drive my husband crazy because he'll quick go through things and he's like, just sign it. And I'm like, I'm not. And I trust him implicitly. Of course. And you've been married way longer than me. So maybe I should also. But I'm just like, I need to look at stuff. And I catch mistakes that either an accountant has done or something. And I'm just like, I like to look at stuff. And you just kind of need to be smart about this. We all do, isn't it? Carol, in the 2026 one, I will text you after that.

8:00Carol, I read it. I didn't just sign it. And any concrete advice that you got from all of the sources you spoke to, even the photos and the story is fantastic, which I know we're in radio, but check it out if you can in Bloomberg.com. Yeah, you know, it was a lot of really practical things that I kept hearing, especially in these financial workshops that we're starting to see aimed at women, particularly who have read this book and decided they're going to need to take matters into their own hands. So it's like checking the beneficiaries on your 401k or your life insurance plans, making sure your current spouse is on there and not an ex-spouse.

8:34That was something that a lot of women were talking about. Even checking to see whose names the mortgage is on, what that all means down the line, knowing exactly where all of your money is held, knowing how to get in touch with your financial advisor if you need to. All of those little things and just kind of having everything in one place. That was the big lesson. Yeah. I mean, listen, this stuff is, I'm going to say to you, it's annoying and it's tedious. But it's important, I think. Yeah. I remember long ago, early in my journalistic career, doing a piece that it was like things to have together for when you die.

9:12And it sounded so sobering. And it was. But we got such a response of people like, thank you. You gave me a checklist of things I've got to go through and stuff. But as long as we've taken care of Isabel, I feel really, really good. Abba, thank you so much. This is an incredible story, and I know everybody is reading it. Highly recommend you check out her reporting. It's on the Bloomberg terminal. You can also find it at Bloomberg.com.

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