A Traitors night out as Alan and Lee begin their Wine Odyssey! Plus Tom Gilbey joins the boys

0:00We've got to talk a little bit about traitors. Are you... What, that show I won?

0:04Alan Carr:I mean, can't two men share a double bed in Cape Town? Naked? What? Sorry, Trisha. And the people of Bolton. I like you. Cork out for the lads. Cork out for the lads. That's about as masculine as it's going to get.

0:29Alan Carr:Welcome to Bottoms Up with Alan Carr and Leap here, brought to you by Leifweights. This is our brand new weekly podcast where we're going to uncork a bottle or two, have a good old gossip and learn about the wonderful world of wine. Because let's face it, we're comedians, best mates, drinking buddies. Don't forget frenemies. That wasn't on my list. It's on mine. But we don't know anything about the wine. We're going to culture ourselves, aren't we? So we're going to take you on a wine journey. Shall we start as we mean to go on? Yes. We drink a lot of wine, but we don't know much about wine. This is my fate.

1:04We love a rosé. We do love a rosé. And we're going to take you along the journey with us, our wine experience. Email us. It's bottomsup at listen.co.uk. We've got socials at Bottoms Up Show. We want to hear from you. If you've got questions, if you've got any dilemmas, we're going to have experts along the way, sommeliers, maitredes.

1:23Alan Carr:And no question is too stupid. You know, every day. Well, maybe some of them might be stupid. I've seen some of them already, Alan. They are pretty stupid. Some of them are really stupid. But we don't want people to be intimidated because that's why I'm here as well. I mean, I go to the supermarket, I'm online, I don't know what to pick. And I always go for the same wine. Yeah, and I think it's probably good for us to explain how this came about. Yes. Because we went to Cape Town, didn't we? We did go to Cape Town. Cheers. Come on, just have a little cheers. Oh, I know. And I will say, everyone thought we were lovers, didn't they?

2:00Yes. Yes, they did. They would come up to us and they would go, they would come up to you and recognize you. And then they'd go, well, we'll leave you two to get cozy. And you'd shout, he's not my lover.

2:13Alan Carr:And then people would go to you like, oh, is he like this at home? Like I'm some rescue dog. And I'd say, yes, he is. Yes, he plays dead all the time. I mean, can't two men share a double bed in Cape Town? Naked. What?

2:35Alan Carr:Medicated. No, but we went to Cape Town, didn't we? And we went to the amazing Babylon Storm. Babylon Storm. Yes. We did wine tasting. It was so good, wasn't it? And it was really interesting because they paired it with different food and it blew our mind. Now we, ABC. Anything but Chardonnay. And we had a Chardonnay. And then did we have strawberry or melon with it? Melon. And it blew my mind. So we had the Chardonnay. We were like, oh, not keen on it. Not keen. Peen on it, popped a bit of melon in our mouths. Yeah. Game changer. And you, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you did go a little bit when Harry met Sally.

3:19Alan Carr:Oh, okay. No, he wasn't, honestly. He was, ah, ah, ah. I'm not going to exaggerate and say it was, ah. No. But it was getting there. No, I was enjoying the wine. I know. People weren't looking. The other people weren't. But I remember asking him a question. Those people weren't spitting. They were sicking. I asked him a question, didn't I? I said, is it okay to have ice in rosé? Because I love a bit of ice in rosé. And he kind of, the shutters went down and I could see he was trying to be like, so they're the kind of questions we want to know from people, aren't they? So if you're in a restaurant and you order the wine and it comes and you're like, that, that's disgusting.

4:00Alan Carr:Can you send it back? Even though you've opened a fresh bottle. And of course, we're at the gorgeous, this pub, I love it. You've not been here before, have you? is the hero of Maida Vale in Maida Vale. No. I know. I'm as shocked as you are. We're joined by our lovely crew. Make some noise. Our wonderful crew is going to be joining us along the way because we are, well, we kind of live near each other and we live kind of near here, aren't we? You're dangerously near. Oh. Because I get the phone calls and the texts. Do you know what? You can't see a red. Every time you say that, you say that it's me initiating that.

4:33But if I was going to go through my texts, it's sometimes you. What you up to? Fancy a pint. And then before then, we're at the Royal Albert Hall on a Sunday. Remember that?

4:43Alan Carr:Well, I mean, it's when it's like 7.30am when I get woken up. Do you want a pint that I find alarming? No, you don't do that. I'm joking. I'm joking. But this pub is my kind of pub. I like a Georgian pub. Am I right in saying it's Georgian? Massive windows. You've got the roaring fire downstairs. We're going to eat down there later, aren't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really nice. I love a massive window. We're currently in a place called the library, and it's got that kind of like stripped-back feel about it. I feel like I should have a red in here. This feels like red. Do you sometimes think the place dictates what drink you have?

5:20Yeah, yeah. Well, I was here actually when I was with my friend, Maurice. This is what reminded me. And the first time I came here, I was sat next to these two girls, like kind of a little bit, you know, a little bit upper, a bit posh, I'll say.

5:32Alan Carr:Well, it is made of ale. It is indeed. And she said she was a bit drunk. I was eavesdropping into a conversation. She goes, you don't understand. He called me a fascist. And I was like, what? And then her friend drunkenly turned to her and said, you heard wrong. He called you a fat shit. Oh, my God. And I thought, I've got to come back here. Yeah, this is my kind of pub. No, no, I love it. I like a little nook. Don't you in a pub? What? Oh, well, like sit in the corner. Well, this is very, this is very. Not like that old man in Father Ted. Bollocks. Fet. No, just a cute little nook. This is a good date spot.

6:10There was a lot of people on dates here.

6:12Alan Carr:Oh. What's wrong with that? Oh, I'm not pleased with people on dates. I can't get a... Try and be happy for people. I can't be. We'll bring you on a date here. Who with? Well, that's... No one will bite. That's the challenge. No one will bite. It's depressing. Cut. How are you this morning? Because we were quite sensible last night, I thought, weren't we? We went to the theatre. We went to the theatre. We're trying to be a lot more cultured these days, aren't we? Not just with the wine, but with going out and stuff. Yeah, so we went to the theatre to see an Oscar Wild Play because we're stereotypes.

6:49Alan Carr:Thank you. And Stephen Fry was Lady Bracknell. So good. Yeah. But do you know what? I was sat next to you because Alan was there, obviously, And then all the traitors cast kind of trickled in. And who sat next to me? Claudia Winkleman. Yes. And all night, she's lovely, but she kept calling me Andy. I know. And towards the end, I just kept answering to it because I thought, you're Claudia Winkleman. As we got up at the end, she went, Andy, Andy. And I was going, yeah. And she was like, oh, no. I literally was like, nice to you. Because my other friend said, George, I love your friend, George. he's called Lee White you don't look like a Lee though you don't don't I you don't I feel like Lee is one of those names that's dying out as well there hasn't been an Allen since 1977 we're like the Black Rhino well honestly no Gary my brother called Gary but it was weird sitting next to Claudia wasn't it because with that fringe it must be like having the safety curtain down yeah she's in an emergency yeah she was like that every time just to see what was happening so good wasn't it but we've got to say Stephen Fry very kindly put the tickets on for us.

8:00Alan Carr:So it was like a traitors get together. So the audience couldn't believe it because they go, when I come in they're like, oh my God, they see him and go, oh my God, Andy's here. And then Claudia Winkleman comes in, then Celia Imri, then Mark Bonner, and then Kat Burns. They were like, they couldn't believe it, but Steenfly very kindly put the tickets on. And then, I will say, you heard her before you saw her, love her, Tamika. Tamika. She is a powerhouse. Thank God we didn't hear Celia, though, did we? Well, we were sat directly behind her. I know. Danger seats. I said, oh, don't fart. And she went, ha, ha.

8:40Yeah, well, you did shout it in a theatre full of people. So I was a little... Can I just say that? Are you... We've got to talk a little bit about traitors. What, that show I won?

8:54Because I was with you on the finale day. We had a screening, didn't we?

8:57Alan Carr:Oh, I know where this is. Yes, and Mr Alan Carr. I said, Alan, how are you feeling about this? I was having a moment of, you know, seriousness with you. Ah, well, I just can't wait for it to be over. I'm done with it, blah, blah, blah. It's just, I'm glad to put it to bed. Because there was a lot of scrutiny on me, you know, people saying things like that. And I was through, I don't know. Yeah, and then someone ran up to you in the street in Soho and said, Alan, oh my God, can I get a photo? To which I then watched you pull out a lantern out of your bag and a cloak. And I said, he's clearly over it, everyone.

9:30He's carrying around his cosplay.

9:34Alan Carr:People want the full thing when they see me. So what are you hoping to get from this podcast, apart from being paid? Well, I... Paid? I've never heard anything about that. No, we've done a few wine tastings, as you know. What I'm hoping to get is footage, because I can never remember what I've learned the next day because I'm not a spitter. We're not really spitters. No, you swallow. Yes, the wine. So I don't, I don't. The crew are vomiting. I, yeah, I want to like learn something and I want to kind of go, I don't want to become all like, no, no more, no. No. Well, no, I want to move past that.

10:21Okay, because I was doing that and a lot of it was just, I was trying to show appreciation okay um but i just looked horny yeah yeah and i'm gonna say i go for the same wine

10:31Alan Carr:every time i go because you would just say a malbec yes wouldn't you or a rose yeah and that pinot noir for me it's a bit watery what's the point you know and white wine for me now that is that yeah well this is my body rejects white wine my challenge because i love a white wine and i will say this. I've never said this to you, Alan, but you know, sometimes I want a white. I want a white wine and I sit there and I think you don't want white. So I never suggest it. I would like to get you back on the white. Okay. Maybe you could have told me this off camera. I didn't know it was relate. This is a podcast, not relate.

11:12Alan Carr:And we're not going out with each other. So you have what you want while you're making out you're in a loveless marriage. It's a podcast. Sometimes I would like what I want in the bedroom. Well, the way I heard you moaning at that thing, I don't want you in the bedroom. I'm just saying it would be nice for you to meet me halfway sometimes. Listen, listen, that's what I want. Sometimes when you look at the back of a bottle, I mean, it's like the Da Vinci coat. I don't know. And then sometimes there's a great, and you think it's red, but it's Why? And then, you know, I don't understand it. So that's, I just want, and also when you go into a restaurant, I want to be sophisticated.

11:55Alan Carr:Yes. But not in a wanky way, but I want to go, oh, I like that vineyard or that grape's great or look at the year, you know? Do you know what I want as well? Hacks. I want wine hacks. I want like these top sommeliers or maitre d's to come in and go, if you know this hat, it'll get you this, you know? Yeah, that's good. So I want some take-home things. Yeah, yes. And also we must remember to drink responsibly as well. This isn't like a, it's not like a lads, lads, lads podcast, is it? I know you'll be frightened. This is going to turn into that. Cork out for the lads. Cork out for the lads. That's about as masculine as it's going to get.

12:31Alan Carr:So stick with us. Cheers. And on that note, bottoms up.

12:39Alan Carr:There is a wine for every situation, whether it's a minor drama or a major triumph. We're here to help you decide which glass to grab when you've got to deal with whatever life lobbed at you. Leifweights have very kindly given us three bottles and we've got one dilemma. Lee, tell us more. Well, it's from Trisha in Bolton. She said, what's the perfect wine to bring when you've called your sister-in-law a cow at a family dinner and you're turning up the next Sunday lunch in desperate need of a peace offering in a bottle. Oh, Trisha, we've all been there. Have we? Well, I've not called my sister-in-law a cow.

13:25Alan Carr:I mean, those roast potatoes must be good if you've got the nerve to turn up the next week's end. I called you a cow, but I'll have the leg. Trisha, we need to sort things out. This is a family riff that could turn sour. I know. So first up. So it needs to be a bit classy. Well, I love the bottle for a start. Look at that. I know. It does look a bit. That's one of those as well. When you drink it, you know, my friend does this. She pops a little candle in it. Yes, you could give that to the mother-in-law and sound sorry about calling you a cow. Yeah, it was the sister-in-law. But stick a candle in it.

13:59Alan Carr:No, Trisha, be kind. Stop it now. All right. This is an Alessandro Galici Prosecco. Oh, gosh. Yeah. The staff at Lathwaite's call this the bling bottle. Oh my God, it was designed by his wife. So it's very Alessandro Galicci's. She designed the bottle by... So let's have a taste of this. This is for Tricia, and we're going to see... So this is Prosecco. This feels special, doesn't it? It feels a little bit like a gift, doesn't it? Yeah, sorry, mother-in-law. It's sister-in-law. Is it sister-in-law? Yeah, yeah. But it's the same thing, same thing. In Bolton, it is the same thing.

14:46Alan Carr:Sorry, Trisha. And the people of Bolton. I like you. Can't wait for that tour date in Bolton. Right, come on. Six fingers pointing at you. There he is. Trisha with a pitch. All right, right, Tricia, let's have a taste of this. So this is Alessandro Galicia. Oh, I love the smell of that. Oh, yeah. Oh, that goes down nicely. This is made for a celebration from the Grower's Best Vineyard. Now, I will say, is it a celebration? I mean, imagine Tricia walking in. Hi, I'm going to celebrate calling you a cow. Yeah, this is very celebratory. Yeah, it's delicious. What are you getting from that? Because I've got the tasting notes here.

15:34Let's see if your palate is up to the test. What flavours you getting?

15:38Alan Carr:Give me a hint. Is it like a fruit? Yeah, there's fruit in there. What are you getting? What are you feeling? Banana. Banana? Banana? No. Banana. Yeah. I'm getting banana. I think it's just because you've eaten a banana. I did have a banana for breakfast. Yes, okay. And I think with the teeth, I think things get stuck behind stuff Okay, back to Trisha, what are you getting? Are you getting... Hair No, it's grapefruit and lemon You know when you go to a party and stuff, this would be perfect for a part I can see Trish holding that bottle, I can see Trish walking in Trish, I worry about Trish I know I think anger management I think hashtag be more Trish Right If you could be anything Bee Trish Call everyone a cow Right Yeah I'm pleased with that I like that Well if I know Trish As I know Trish And I do know Trish She describes herself I think As the Queen Bee Okay Which moves us nicely on To the Queen Bee Viognier Now This is slightly triggering for me Because I was once in a restaurant And I asked the waiter for a Viognier And he laughed in He laughed in my face.

17:02He laughed in my face. That's like, who's that singer?

17:06Alan Carr:I said, she sings Saturn. Oh, Scissor. Spelled S-Z-A. I didn't know. I went, I love this singer. She's called... And he went, what? Yeah, you thought... What about S-Z-A? It's phonetic. Yeah, it's Scissor. But they do that now, don't they? It's like, there's no vowels. I thought W.A. Smith was... What about when you ask... Sabrina Carpenter for that song. I don't know what the kids listen to. What do I call it? Cappuccino. Sit down. Put on that great song. Cappuccino. I said it's espresso. All right. So we've got the Viognier here. This is made by Journey's End who are keen on biodiversity.

17:52So if Trish wants to pop in and give a little bit back. Oh God, it's named after the bees from the vineyard. That's nice. It's got a story behind it. That's good. Look at this honey in it.

18:04Alan Carr:Does it smell of honey? No. From Cows to Bees, named after the bees, it's rounder and softer style, apparently. Oh, it does have a tasting note here. See if you can get this. What are you getting? Pear game? No. Nearly. E-A. Peach. Yes. Well done. You've got a splash of shenan in the blend for a little lift. All right. I do love how the peach comes through. You've said that before. And there is hints of banana, and I don't care what you say. Well, you need to floss.

18:42Alan Carr:I'm getting fruit and fibre. A bit of muesli. Muesli, Alpen. Alpen at the back, behind my molar. I mean, that's nice, but yeah. Yeah, I like that, and I do love a white. You're not as keen on a white, which is fair enough. We don't know Trisha that well Do you reckon I'll ever find a white that I love? Do you reckon I'll ever Don't lose faith You will get back on the white They must be Alright let's move back on to this Because you like a Prosecco Which I think is Is that white but fizzy? Oh my god But then you hear Have you heard the rumours? You know people like Oh I'm having Prosecco now Instead of champagne And people go Oh but that's cool But now people are going back on champagne That's what I heard Yeah yeah Well this is actually This meets in the middle Because this is the Harrow and Hope Brute, okay?

19:33Is it Brute or is it Brew? Brut. I thought it was brut. Brut. Brut.