Alan Demands a Knighthood, Adele Sings the Bottoms Up! Theme Tune and Lee’s Popstar Faux Pas

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0:57Alan Carr:Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney+. Let's go! Get ready for a new case. We're the greatest partners of all time! New friends. Gary the Snake. And your last name? The Snake. Dream Team. And new habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record-breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2, now available on Disney Plus Rated PG. And right now you can get Disney Plus and Hulu for just$4.99 a month for three months with a special limited time offer ends March 24th. After three months, plan auto-renews at$12.99 a month. Terms apply. War, what is it good for? A lovely drop of red.

1:31Alan Carr:Because I'm good friends with Adele. Are you? You've never mentioned it. Well, I wanted to sing the theme tune. Bottoms up, bottoms up. This is giving me Taylor Swift. Is it? Elderflower, poppy, la la la, running through a field. Yeah, yeah. Like Theresa May did. Yes, yes. Already dribbled everywhere. I'll clean my toilet with Malbec next time. It's not a rusk. Stop acting like a baby. I don't like it. Mummy, this doesn't taste nice.

2:03Alan Carr:Welcome to Bottoms Up with Alan Carr and Lee Peart, brought to you by Lifeweights. This is our weekly wine odyssey, our journey. We're learning about wine, we're demystifying it, we're answering your dilemmas and your questions and bringing some wine experts along the way. Well, speaking of wine, it's making me thirsty, and I've brought this along. This is a classic. So each week, if you haven't watched this already, we bring a little welcome drink. And this one, oh, a red. You love a red. I love a red. So tell me about it. Tell me about it. Oh, look, I've spilt a bit on here. Oh, yes. Wink, wink.

2:40Lee caught me out. There is already wine spilt. So you know that this is an authentic show. I said I love the patterns on this for people who are listening. It's very patterned. Shacket, are we calling it? A shit jacket.

2:58Alan Carr:Yeah, great to accessorise with some pan pipes. It's giving me... You've got some blotches of red on there. Which might be relish. It might be my wife's lipstick. Yes. Might be blood. Might be blood. What a night it was. Wine, blood. Might be all three. So go on, what have you brought? Well, oh, look, it's got a dribble down the side. Oh, that... Oops. This is a classic. Is this the one you've been, I was going to say, banging on about? But you've been talking about it a lot, haven't you? Is this your... Is it the Lebanese one? Yes, Chateau Moussard. Right. And I love it because it is a wine of resilience.

3:48Alan Carr:They've made this wine for years, often during a civil war. Oh, my God. Bombs raining down on the vineyards. People have been hiding in the actual places, down in the bunkers where they've been making the wine. And different vintages every year depend on how bad the war's been. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's in the Bekar Valley. And did you... Is this the one that you went... I can't remember, you went somewhere and said, oh, can I taste something different? Yeah, yeah. Let's have a try. But, you know, we like the berry kind of wine. It's not berry-like at all. It's very smooth. Oh, my God. That is delicious.

4:25Alan Carr:I love the story. It's a wine of resilience. The Lebanese people go, yeah, even though the war's going on, we're still making wine. And I feel when we eventually start having a war with Russia and Venezuela, then I think me and you would probably be working in the vineyards. Oh, well, I wouldn't mind doing that. I'd probably do that than being on the front line, if I'm honest. Front wine rather than front wine. Can you imagine saying that at the army camp? We're more front-wide than front-line. We're not marching. Oh, I've been shot. I was going to say, we're not marching, we're crushing grapes.

5:01Oh, no, we shouldn't laugh. No, we shouldn't. It's terrifying. No, it is terrifying. So, no, this is nice. This is really nice. And it's a classic as well. And I thought... It's got a story to it. It's got a story. That's what I want now. That's what we wanted with this podcast.

5:16Alan Carr:And it's a middle finger to war. War's not going to stop us drinking. Yeah. War, what is it good for? A lovely drop of red. So, what have you been up to? Anything exciting? January's a weird one because my New Year's resolution, I wanted to read more, which I've been doing very much so. Yeah. I always want to get... Do you know what, though? I want to get February out the way. I hate Feb. Why? It's only 28 days. What's your problem? Not on a leap yet. Sorry, Susie Dent. No, I don't mind January because I think we expect it to be awful. So my expectations in Feb, I'm like, oh, but I get a little bit dreary in February, I have to say.

5:58Alan Carr:But that's why you should never do dry jam, because it's a grim month. Have you ever done it? Dry jam? Yeah. Oh, no. I did, um... Oh, I did have a, I didn't have a drink for three weeks, but then I was in a coma.

6:16Alan Carr:My mum tried to put some in me drink. Yeah, that's another thing that pissed me off about being January. What? New Year's Honours List. Oh. Another year, another slight. What? Surely I've been in showbiz for 25 years. I do loads for fucking charity. Nothing. I do this podcast with you. Charity work. Yeah. What comes first? MBE, is it? Oh, no, skip that. I want knighthood. Well, you're not allowed to skip it, I don't think. You can. Can you? Can you skip it? Oh, yeah, you fast-track, babes. I was going to say I fast-tracked. All right, well, spoken like a true potential knight. Like a true fantasy.

7:03You might have a little bit of humility. Spoken like a true fantasist. Oh, I've got connections. You would not keep that a secret, because you have to keep it a secret for a while, don't you? Maybe I'm double-bruffing. Oh, maybe. Well, they have been released.

7:16Alan Carr:I'm an eye-hood and you don't know yet. They have been released, unless they do it as a surprise. No, so I went and saw something. Have you heard about The Housemaid with Sweeney and Amanda? Well, not Sweeney, Claire Sweeney. Who's the other one? Sydney Sweeney. Claire Sweeney. Housemaid the musical. Is that based on the book? Yes. Yeah, where she's peeking through the... I don't know if it was crap or it was good. One of those campy ones. Oh, is it one of those things where you go into something and you're a bit like, I want to say this is good, but I don't know if it is. There was people laughing at bits they shouldn't be laughing at, but there was lots of twists.

7:58Alan Carr:So it's a little bit trashy. And it was doing those classic things where the housemaid was like cleaning the bathroom mirror and then she closes the mirror and the wife's there. Oh, that's right. And then she's emptying the dishwasher. when you come up, the wife's there. And I'm like, is she on Heelys? How is she getting around? Heelys, what a blast from the past. What ever happened to Heelys? Heelys are still going, aren't they? I've never seen it. I haven't seen anyone on a Heely since 19-something. Where did they go? Heelys. Are you talking about the shoes? The wheels, the wheels just pop down.

8:36Alan Carr:Woo, and then you're away, then you're gone. When have you last seen the Heelys? I see kids in Heelys all the time. Oh, okay. Good to know. Don't know where you're hanging around. If you hang around enough playgrounds, you'll see some Heelys. I saw someone. Stop making it out I'm a berthor. I am not. I'm just asking you. And, you know, I've seen the kids. They sit on the suitcase with wheels. Oh, yes. Well, they're trunkies. They're trunkies. Like Heelys. No, because they're suitcases, not shoes. You're pissing me off. and it's only January. Cheers. Cheers, bottoms up. Nothing's changed. I'm sick of all this new you, new what it year.

9:21Alan Carr:No way. I'm ripping. What's wrong with the old me? I know, it is funny when people are like, new year, new me, and you're like, grandma, you're 92. And I've seen some of those people. Look at me two years ago. It's not the same person. I'm not stupid. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a lot. Do you get caught out by AI? If I have to see one more eagle carry off a baby, it's all AI. I actually believe... The baby was wearing heeling. I knew it wasn't real. Now, that AI, that needs to stop, because A, I started fancying, I thought, he's nice, this man, he was AI. Basically, I fancy a cartoon. That's like me fancying Scooby-Doo.

10:02Well, I did fancy Hercules back in the day. Hercules? Yeah, when he gets buff.

10:08Alan Carr:That was kind of my right of fancy. I like He-Man. Right. You know the Queen, have you seen where she speaks Jamaican? Yes, I have. I thought that was genuine. And then when she said, what's it, ganja is the herb of peace, I thought, no. I thought Buckingham Palace are going to have to do something. And she is dead. She is. Spoiler alert. And I saw that. And when she was wearing the Tesco uniform, I thought, hmm, something's off here. And when she was in that boxing ring with Meghan, I thought, I don't know if this is genuine. But when's it going to stop? Oh, I know, it's only going to get worse.

10:52Alan Carr:You know, I was in Celebrity Traitors. Oh, yes. Shall we do a drinking game? Every time Alan mentions Celebrity Traitors. I had a photo with Paloma Faith, and they AI'd it so I was getting off with her. That's bang out of order. I saw that. I'm like, oh, look, there's a photo of me. I'm like, no one wants to see that. Well, someone does because they made an AI version of it. There is at least one person. Do you reckon it was Paloma? Yeah, maybe. No, but it's worrying where it's going. Yeah, it is. It's going to take over. And actually, people talk about like, it's now for creative things, writing and whatever.

11:35You could put in AI, write me a novel or whatever, and it just churns out. I mean, it's not great. No, it's scary. It's scary. We could be replaced.

11:45Alan Carr:Who would we be replaced with? Oh, an AI version of me. Oh, right. Oh, sorry. Right. Look at you getting excited that I'm going to be replaced. I'm your co-podcaster. I've never seen you look so excited. I could be replaced. You're meant to go, what? You went, oh, yeah, ooh. No, I meant. I'll come back next week, Jason Statham's here. Or Hercules. We know how you feel about him.

12:13Alan Carr:Do you need a bottle of wine that wins over the room, sparks a conversation, or just needs to take centre stage? Well, me, Leifweights and Lee are here to help you. I think we'll find the perfect bottle. Don't you, Lee? Well, we've had fantastic track history of solving people's dilemmas, haven't we? And we've had another one come through from Paul in Mile End. He says, it's girls' night at mine this week. Oh, Paul. I think he might be a homosexual. It's girls' night at mine this week and the playlist has already caused a huge divide. Oh, no, I hate that when that happens. Yeah. Half of them, apparently, are in their sweaty dance floor party girl Charlie XCX phase, whilst the others, definitely gay, whilst the others are more in their Taylor Swift candles, feelings and cardigans era.

13:08Taylor Swift? How old is Taylor Swift? No, but she talks about, yeah, she's a bit more, whereas Charlie XCX is a bit more, come on, let's get the party going. Taylor's more like, let's sit in our feelings, all right? Paul needs a wine that can bridge the gap between the two camps, no pun intended, and bring the girls together. What wine do I serve so nobody storms out and writes a diss track about me? Well, I will say this, okay? I have met both Charlie XCX and, very briefly... Shut the front door. Taylor Swift. And I will tell you, this was pre... Because I think, and I don't want to spread rumours, but I think there's been a bit of tabloid bits about them where it's a little bit like a...

13:52Alan Carr:The kids call it beef. Beef. Beef. D-H. Beef. Beef. No, it's my teeth. Don't piss off me teeth. Oh, no. Well, I got white, white, red, white. Yeah, you may as well match. Like a wine list. No, I got invited to, this was years ago now. Gay crush. I did, to the 1975. Denise Welsh, lovely Denise Welsh. Oh, clang, pick that up, love. Took me, because obviously her son is Matty Healy in the 1975. Hello. Now, we're there and there's a surprise guest. It was when Matty Healy and Taylor Swift were dating. Okay, we're in the O2. We get driven into like the loading bay of the O2. We go out. I'm loving life.

14:38We go into this bar. Taylor Swift, no one knew, was the surprise guest. She comes out and everyone goes mental. Anyway, we're in the bar and Charlie XCX now is married to one of the drummers of the 1975. Are you with me? Doesn't matter if you're not. My God, this is like an episode of Who Do You Think You Are? and I went up to Charlie XCX, global pop star, global icon and said, in a group, I said, so what do you do?

15:07Alan Carr:Oh my God. And she said, oh, I'm actually a musician. I went, oh, good for you.

15:14And everyone went, oh, Lee, this is actually Charlie XCX. I went, oh, sorry. I said, oh God, I'm so bad. I've not got my glasses on. I don't wear glasses. I just lied. And that was what it was. And so I've asked,

15:30Alan Carr:global... So you turned up to a 1975 concert and haven't even packed your glasses. This is wrong on so many levels. And I've put earplugs in. So I always get a bit like with Charlie, I'm like, it's one of those eggy moments. I'm a musician? Or was she like, oh, I'm a musician? She was so lovely. she was like so like chilled like oh because people on stage are different when you're like because I'm good friends with Adele and are you? You've never mentioned it No well and she's completely different Can't you get Adele on this podcast? She doesn't like to drink wine even though she made a song called I Drink Wine she has a song called I Drink Wine Well I want her to sing the theme tune Bottoms up Bottoms up Move over Sky Fogler the new ballad in town Right, what are we going for first?

16:24I'll tell you what we're going for first. I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. It's Lathwaite's. They've brought us an Elderflower Spritz by Alex James. Okay. I love her on the one show.

16:41Is this alcoholic? It's called Britpop, isn't it? And it's 6%. 6%. So it's, I think this is if you want something a little bit less. You don't want to go too hard too quickly.

16:53Alan Carr:If you're wine curious. Oh, nice. I think if you're like, oh, what is this wine? Does it say that in the back or have you made that up? I made that up. Okay. With Elderflower Spritz by Alex James, Swifties get nuance, florals and introspection. Party girls get zip, freshness and repeat poor energy. It's 6 % ABV, so it means you can drink it all evening while still keeping the peace. Don't let the spritz fool you. This is top quality fizz using elderflower heads handpicked in Wales and champagne yeast for the secondary fermentation delicious. I will say that is really nice and I love elderflower.

17:31I do. This is giving me Taylor Swift. Is it?

17:35Alan Carr:Elderflower, poppy, la la la, running through a field. Yeah, yeah. Like Theresa May did. Yes, yes. And they are so similar. Right. Next up, shall we move on? We've got the Maison Malay, I'm going to say. Maison Malay Provence Rosé. Now, we... Attention! We love a Provence, don't we? We do. We love a Provence as much as we love a Malbec. All right, thank you. And this vibe is, it says, neutral territory. This is the Switzerland of the wines, all right? neutral. Maison Malais is your chic referee. Rosé is a bit like, oh my god, it says Switzerland! Anyway, when it comes to girls' night, but in an aspirational way, and this little number is particularly impressive.

18:30Plenty of ripe summer berries, zesty citrus and wild herbs. Right there, there's like,

18:39Alan Carr:there's loads of layers to this. It's like a secret bookshelf, you know, in the film where you put Oh, that's nice. What, you mean you're getting stuff back? Yeah, then you have the taste and then it's like, then another taste. Can I just say, if we're going to have a bitch fight between Taylor Swift and Charlie XXL, I think... I think... XCX. Sorry. SES, the sofa company. XXL. I think if it's a bitch fight, I think this is too elegant and sophisticated. I think these bunch of gays are having a party. No, no, but the dilemma isn't, he doesn't want them all to have a bitch fight. He wants them all to come together.

19:23He wants to bridge the gap. No. You want drama. Group of gays.

19:28Alan Carr:Tell me a gay that don't want a drama. It's a girls' night. Girls' night. That is elegant, classy, sophisticated. He wants a bitch fight. Does he? Why? Are you reading between the lines? Because he has said, I don't want a fatty. I want to bridge the gap. That's elegant. That is delicious. That's a piece of me. That is fruity. That's Taylor Swift. What's this one? This is Le Parfum. Le Parfum. And it is a chilled red. Ooh, chilled red. Apparently, it's alternative enough for the Charlie XCX crowd, but still elegant, soft and emotionally available to allow for deep and meaningful... Who's writing this?

20:07Alan Carr:Emotionally available? It's a wine. It's not a hotline. No, it's not a dating app. Le Parfum is juicy, vibrant, bursting with raspberry, cherry, and that one more glass energy. Oh, I love the one more glass energy. That's funny. It's made... We've had that energy. We've said that many a times. It's time. It's made by a winemaker with some serious credentials in Beaujolais, but at a steal of the price. So that's perfect for any classy party vibe. Now, okay, I'm going to taste it. How are you feeling that Le Parfum? Really nice. There's no clack. Loads of berries, which I like. It's light, isn't it?