Alan's Failed Resolutions, Tom Gilbey Returns and Wine That Tastes Like The Dentist?!

20:55A bit like cheese with vegan cheese, I don't ever think they've cracked it, all right? And a lot of people say to me, the hardest thing to crack with alcohol-free is the wine. The sparkling I've had before, it's very lovely. But I don't even know if I've ever had alcohol-free wine. This is a red wine and it's named after that feeling of, oh my God, it's only Wednesday, but I really want a glass of red. That is you. That is you, if any. Liar, it's Tuesday. Wednesday's domain. Sunday morning. Thanks to some pretty high-tech winemaking, it delivers dark fruit flavor at 0 % alcohol. Because you've got to remember this as well.

21:34Some of these, they're alcohol-free, but some of them are like 0.5 % or whatever. You've always got to check because for some people... They're all zero. Yeah. Oh, they're all zero. All zero. Okay, because sometimes it's a little bit more. Thanks for some pretty high-tech winemakers. It delivers dark fruit flavor at 0 % alcohol. Great for a dry, jam get-together. Now, the reason I say that is because I once had a friend and I was off alcohol for a month and I was drinking that clean gin thing. technically you haven't been alcohol free because it is 0.5 % I'll give over anyway let's have a taste of this is that the anecdote?

22:12fuck off yeah yeah yeah that was the beautiful and if you're watching yeah yeah I meant what I said here we go

22:23this is if you want something and you're sat there and everyone's like drinking the red and they're swirling it around and if you feel like really left out This has, this will be a good substitute. Yeah. It's not, it's weird because my brain's going, that's like the red and whatever.

22:40Alan Carr:Texture-wise, it's like a rich Malbec. It's got the berries. Yeah, yeah. It's so hard, isn't it, to do a red without the alcohol. But you know what, it's giving me the texture, it's giving me berries, it's giving me the flavour. I think that's fine by fire, that for the summer, But I think for our dilemma, that for me, that gives me the feels. That feels like we're celebrating. I don't feel like I'm at the side of the room watching everyone having fun. I'm having fun. So I think I'm going to go for millibole, yeah, alcohol-free sparkling. I think this does the job. Yeah, I agree. I don't know what his mates are like, James in Liverpool, but if they start on a bit of fizz, I would start with that.

23:23If they're a bit of a red wine drinker towards the end, by all means go for a bit of Wednesday's Domain. If you're still drinking and it's got to summertime, then have that.

23:31Alan Carr:If it gets to December, I'd have that. Yeah, a dry year. Yeah, my God, you've had a whole dry year. You've smashed it. Well done. Well done. Cheers. Bottoms up. And don't forget to head to leifweights.co.uk forward slash bottoms up and have these delicious wines delivered straight to your door. Do always remember to drink responsibly. For more info, visit drinkaware.co.uk. Bottoms up. Bottoms up. Cheers, James. With the new year here, it's the perfect time to refresh your wine rack. And Latheweights have got an excellent range of wines and mixed cases for you to choose from. Ordering is easy. Head online and get wines delivered straight to your door.

24:15Alan Carr:Irresistible. Always remember, though, drink responsibly. For more info, visit drinkaware.co.uk. Head to latheweights.co.uk forward slash bottoms up and order now. Bottoms up. so good so good so good spring styles are at nordstrom rack stores now and they're up to 60 off stock up and save on rag and bone made well vince all saints and more of your favorites how did i not know rack has adidas why do we rack for the hottest deal just so many good brands join the nordic club to unlock exclusive discounts shop new arrivals first and more plus buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free great brands great prices that's why you rack There's a world where legends race across city skylines, romance blossoms in glittering ballrooms, and there's magic around every corner.

25:13Alan Carr:It's a world known to many as Great Britain. You've seen the action on screen. Now visit the real star of the show. Visit Great Britain. To discover more, go to tripadvisor.com slash Great Britain. He's back, like that extra special bottle of wine you were going to save for best, but just couldn't resist on opening. It's wine expert extraordinaire, Tom Gilby. Tom, you're back. Look who's back. Back again. Gilby's back. Tell a friend. Tom, welcome back. Thank you, Lee. How are you? Happy New Year. And to you, Happy New Year. I'm glad Tri-January's not a thing. Yeah, have you ever done dry January?

25:56No. No. It's not good for business. No, of course not. It's all about moderation.

26:00Alan Carr:Listen, I saw you in a bar full of water. Yes. Through a window. I was told to move on by your wife. Rude. No, so what's going on? Are you one of those? Does it really work? He did an ice bath, didn't he? I love it. I love it. Yes, I needed to say that. He was doing an ice bath. It was an ice bath. And he posted it on his Instagram. Oh, yes. And I was checking the right temperatures to serve white wine. Because if it's too cold, you can't taste it. Always working. Is that a thing? Wait, hold on. Is that a thing? Yeah, if the wine is too cold, you'll taste much less. Oh, my God. Because sometimes what I've done is, if I've got a bottle that's not chilled, I've stuck it in the freezer.

26:40Yeah. I tell him, is that a bad thing? I promise you it's a bad thing. Oh, my God. Take home already. Brilliant. This is why we've got you back, Tom. But the ice bath's too cold. Yes, okay. How long can you do? 50 breaths. and they're quite quick at this time of year. Yeah, I saw it. So it's five minutes.

26:58Alan Carr:Because I was listening to it on the train. I didn't have my AirPods on. It was on speaker. I was like, oh, oh, oh. And I was like, someone said, disgusting. I said, it's Tom Gilby having a nice bath. You're the pervert.

27:12Well, we're delighted that you are back. And I have to say, so many of my friends have said to me... I know what you're going to say.

27:17Alan Carr:The sipping thing. The sipping thing. Yeah. My friends are Hannibal Lecter. nice picante in a salad picante it's chianti picante's a spicy mug no one knows he's going like that so what have you got for us because I will say actually you were our first expert and I'm going to ask because I know that you've been listening or watching how do you think we're getting on as students it is so fun and there's tidbits in every episode I love it do you think we need to because last week obviously we had lovely Olivia, who we adore. But did we learn much? You had a lot of fun. We learned. Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

28:00So maybe we decided it's time to get you back and teach us a thing or two. Yes. Okay. What we doing. So last time I said we did the counting thing and I thought one of my real issues is going to a restaurant or a pub or wherever and choosing a wine on a wine list. So many people have asked about this. Yeah. And I know you love a Malbec. Yes. And what's your favourite red, Lee? It is a Malbec as well. I wanted to say something different. No, I love a Malbec. Do you know what? I do love a Chateauneuf-du-Pape if I'm feeling bougie, which I always am. So if you're a publican or a restaurateur, the most margin and money you'll make is on the Malbec for the Red and the Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand.

28:38Yes.

28:39Alan Carr:It's a weird beat. They're seeing us coming in and they're going, ka-ching! It's good. Here they come. Two mugs. But I think what I love about a Malbec, and probably you guys do too, is it's full-bodied, juicy and smooth. Do you know what? I feel like I'm getting value for money when you're like, you know, it's like when you have a pie. You don't like a crappy pie. You want a big pie. Yes. Okay, so you can get a big pie, sort of, from southern Italy. Like Puglia or Sicily. I'd love to go to Puglia. I'd love to go to Puglia. Well, instead of going to Puglia... I went there and pissed it down the whole time.

29:14Did I? I don't think I'd order a pie in Puglia. Okay, forget the pies. Come on, let's get... This man's busy. I wouldn't have a pie. Carry on. So I went to a couple of places and got their wine lists, and I thought we'd start with a nice little Pizza Express. Oh, I love this. Yeah? So here on this wine list, we've got a Malbec that Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor might go for. But because you're really on it, there's a less expensive wine from Sicily and from Puglia that would give you lots of juiciness and saves you about£5 or£10. every time you go for it.

29:50Alan Carr:But I would go straight for that. So the Malbec, right. So you've got Malbec here from Mendoza, Argentina, right? At£34.45. For the bottle. Yeah. And this is from Pizza Express. Yeah. Now, I would go for a Montepulciano because I do love a Montepulciano. That's also expensive. Yeah, but you're saving money. You're still good. But here's a Nero Davila Shiraz from Sicily. But are you saying that people wouldn't go for that because it's at the top of the list? They don't want to look cheap. They don't want to look cheap. but should you just trust and should you do that thing where you go well I would get Malbec but you know what the Shiraz from Sicily is just as nice let's go for that and it's saving you over a tenner and honestly it's really and that's quite a lot of money so do we need to stop worrying about you know the top one yeah but if the rule is and I think this works for me if there's a Malbec look to see if there's something from southern Italy before it and you'll save some money, you two can play a little game here.

30:51And this is on a wine list. But why from Southern Italy? Because it's got the juiciness and the richness that I love from a Malbec. Yeah. It's fruity and smooth. Okay. So if you're going from Malbec, you think Southern Italy. Yeah. So look on here, there's the Malbec. This is the pub that we're in here, the Hero. Oh, I love it here. And it is 40 quid. Mm-hmm. Okay. And there's a really lovely Nero Davila from Sicily at 32 quid. Can you imagine behind that door, we hear, what the fuck?

31:23Alan Carr:We hear a glass being dropped. Get him out! It just cuts the feed. And this food is actually cheaper at the pub over the road. No, no, no. Get your coat. No, no, no. We're in the same, we're off the same line. I know, I'm to joke, I love it here. We've eaten here, it's lovely. I'm not... So, no, you are right, though. It's about shitting on your own doorstep. So, I'm looking at this Malbec, yeah. I go, Malbec, nice, blah, blah, blah, 40 quid. 40 quid. But what I can see here is Siciline, Italy, Nero d 'Avola. See, I don't know what a Nero d 'Avola is. But you don't need to know. You just need to know, go to southern Italy and you can buy a Primitivo, a Nero d 'Avola, or whatever great variety they do, apart from Frapato, which is good but different.

32:14So generally, you're going to be safe. You'll get a juicy, smooth, fruity wine. And you're saving eight quid there. And it's quite a lot, particularly if you're a two-bottle night out. Yeah.

32:26Alan Carr:That's us during dry Jan. They're shots for us. Exactly. Have you brought any along then? No, but I have brought, you know, last time I was here. Whipping me up into a frenzy. Foreplay. Alan got the hump when you said, we talked about white wine, and he looked as if he didn't want to carry on. Yes. And I said, please, can I bring a white wine for you to try? Just my one chance to see if you like a white wine. Go on then. Twist his arm. Oh, it's in his little, what do you call it? A sock? Well, I call it a sock, yeah. So this is a white. What kind of white? It's, first of all, I'm... See, look, he did that classy.

33:11You were making, oh no. Well, yeah, but you see, you guys do comedy and I do opening bottles. And so one hopes that I can open a bottle.

33:18Alan Carr:Yeah, I mean, when I open a bottle of wine, it's like I'm fracking. You see, that's much better than being able to open a bottle of wine. I've got my goggles on. Hard hat. So. Because, you know, I've got a hack, and it has worked with me before. If, you know, if the cork breaks in half... Oh, yeah. Get a shoe. What do you do? Get a shoe? Pass me this. Actually, pass me a bottle. Do you want to put me in a bottle? Don't, don't, because I saw the way... Oh, no, don't. Get a shoe. Let's say this is the bottle, right? This is the end of the bottle. No, this is a nice wine. No, I won't do it with the bottle.

33:55Shall I put the cork back? No, no, no, no, no, no. And say this is the bottle. So this is the top where the cork is. You get the bottom of the bottle. You put it on your shoe. And you start whacking the wall with the shoe. And the cork comes out. And I've done that before and it's worked.

34:10Alan Carr:What restaurant have you done that in? No, I haven't done it at a restaurant. I mean at my own house. Oh, okay. I've seen where you live. That's fine. The walls are caved in. It's like a padded cell. Pebble dash. Sorry, carry on. So this little thing is, you just fold it up and pop it in the top of a bottle and look how this... But do you know what, Tom? And I will say, and I love a wine. Is that not just saying, wow, he will not waste any wine? Yeah. A little bit drops out. But are you more saying from a little elegance point of view? Where would you get that from? Amazon. Amazon. Right, okay, so white wine.

34:52Alan Carr:Never going to buy one. No, no, no, you don't. I'll give you one. He loves licking the labels. I know he does. It's his favourite hobby. So let's have a little taste and see what you think of this. What wine is this? Oh, are you hiding? You're not telling us. Yeah, I'm going to tell you after. See if you like it. Oh, it's like The Masked Singer. Yes, exactly. Take it off. Take it off! Take it off! Oh my God, do you imagine if it's Ben Shepard under there?

35:18Alan Carr:You've got a Ben Shepard energy about you, Tom. Have I really? Mm-hmm. That smells... He hates Ben Shepard. Do you get bananas? Oh, stop it now. I was caught unawares. Right, okay. Are we going to have to guess what this is? Let's have a swig. No, just decide if you like it. Ooh It's not my favourite Really? But I like it No They're Yeah It's oaky What the hell In fairness In fairness I did this for Alan Because you like white wine Yeah He likes a Malbec So he likes a full-bodied Rich White wine I think Do you like that? Can I explain What is going on in my mouth because I'm having it. This is going to take a while.

36:10Alan Carr:No. I'm having it and you go, oh, and then it's like, oh. Yes. What is that? It's like an... Yes! It's acidity, so it's got nice richness to it. It's like a firework and it goes... Yeah. You know what, Alan? When you taste it, and Lee, you can get a little tingle on the side of your jaw. You find a tiny little tingle. And that's acidity. Is it? I've always wondered that. Whenever you feel that in a white wine, and it means it comes from a sort of cool area to grow wine. Wine's actually quite easy. See, now I'm having it. It's like the first sip, I was like, that's nice, look at me. Look at me, when have I ever liked that?

36:49Okay, should we take it off? Yeah.

36:52Alan Carr:Take it off, take it off. No way. Do you know it? No, I ate Chardonnay. Well, I thought I did. Do you know where it's from? No, Danbury Ridge. Yeah, up to Chelmsford and hang a right. Wait, it's an English Chardonnay. Shut up. Shit! She's gone but not forgotten, clearly. It's an English Chardonnay. It's probably, maybe the best that we make. Really? So it's got acidity, which is that boom you get when you taste it. But it's also got richness because it's a Chardonnay. You got me. Yeah. You got me. Isn't that interesting? because with a red, I love full-bodied, but with a white, I like light. Fresh.

37:35Yes.

37:36Alan Carr:There's no clack or anything. You're going to be like... You know, it feels nice. He describes it as clack. Have you heard that before? It says on the back, actually, you won't find any clack in this. Oh, wonderful. This is clack-free. Tom, we've got some questions. I'm bringing sexy clack. We've got some questions. Viewers and listeners have sent in questions. And thank you to all of you who have sent in questions or dilemmas. Send them in at BottomsUpShow or BottomsUpAtListen.co.uk. We'd love to hear from you. We've loved hearing from Denise in Havering. Does putting a teaspoon in a bottle of kava really keep it fizzy?

38:16And I would say this not just for kava, but for any... Yeah, no, that is not a thing. Isn't it? It's a myth. It's a wise thing. Is it? But the best thing is a little champagne stopper, which, cheap as chips, you bought him one for Christmas with your face on.

38:32Alan Carr:But you know as well, another hack as well, drink the whole bottle and then you've got none left in there. And then that saves on the washing up for the spoon. There you go. All right, here we go. So it's called a champagne stopper. You can get them anywhere. And they are. And that will actually stop the fizz from... Because it's airtight. It's called champagne stopper and it stops the champagne. If you don't understand that, just stop watching.

39:03Tom, thank you so much. Honestly, like, if you're not thinking, you're drinking, you know? Or if you're not drinking, you're thinking. What if it's me or us? And I love it. Thank you. Thank you, Lee. This is nice. It's a grower. It's a grower. You've got him. And do you know what?

39:22Alan Carr:Talking to you is like popping my brain in an ice bath. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'll work it out. It hurts. It's got brain freeze. Alan, it hurts. Yeah, it hurts. My brain hurts and just know what's going on. Listen, will you join us in a bottoms up? Yeah. Thank you, Tom. Thank you very much. Bottoms up. Bottoms up. Well, we hope you've enjoyed this episode. Join us next week when we're joined by GK Barry. And guess what? She's bringing her own wine. Can't wait for that. please do get in touch with us as well. We want your questions, your queries, your calamities, your conundrums at BottomsUpShow on socials and bottomsup at listen.co.uk.

40:02And don't forget to like us and leave a review. We'd love that, wouldn't we, Lee? We'd love it. A nice one, of course. Yes. And always remember to drink responsibly for more information. Visit drinkaware.co.uk.

40:15Alan Carr:Bottoms Up with Alan Carr and Lee Peart is brought to you by Leifweights and is a Listen production. Oh, thumbs up.

40:51punch. So if you've been living in the white can, branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe, and every single one is zero sugar. Tap the banner to learn more.

41:03Alan Carr:Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile, with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just$15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three-month plan, equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. Jackson Hewitt has a great tax prep deal,$149 or less.

41:37Missing out is like ignoring the check engine light in your car. You regret it. Seriously, the price is only$149 or less, no matter how complicated. So don't wait. Like when you get a password expires today alert or you're shopping online and there's only one item left. It's like your taxes are in the cart. Just complete the purchase. Hurry. This deal for$149 or less is like your phone at 1%. It's about to power down. Limited time offer for new clients on federal returns. Participating locations only. Terms at jacksonnewitt.com slash$149.