Elton John Sent Us a Gift?! Alan Sings Celine Dion & Tom Allen Talks Titanique!

9:01Tom Allen:On the Titanic. Cheers, everyone. Bottoms up. Imagine the irony. Can I have some ice in that?

9:10Lee Peart:Have you been to the immersive Titanic exhibition? In Belfast? No, there was one that came to London. Oh, the German. Canary Wharf.

9:19Tom Allen:Oh, Canary Wharf, you say?

9:20Lee Peart:Yeah, and I put a VR headset on and I was walking around like I was on the deck. But it was embarrassing because I screamed. Because I turned around and there was something like that. And then I screamed and they were like, it's not a horror.

9:31Tom Allen:But it was in the end. Well, yeah, it was. The museum in Belfast, you must have been there on tour. Yes, it celebrates the Titanic.

9:39Alan Carr:I was like, guys.

9:43Lee Peart:Well, for people who don't know why we're randomly talking about the Titanic, there's a reason you bought it, because this is so exciting. When this got announced, I was like, Tom Allen is starring in Titanic. All right. Tell us a bit about it. For people who don't know what Titanic is.

10:02Tom Allen:I'm joining the company, and I must say as well, it's very much an ensemble piece where, let me tell you, those singers, those performers I'm coming in with, I am so bowled over. So Star Trek, they're amazing performers, incredible singers. The show is a spoof of the film Titanic, and it's told as though Celine Dion was actually on board the ship. So it's not camp. So it's a very, I would say it's a butch musical. It's one for the dad.

10:28Lee Peart:One, definitely one.

10:30Tom Allen:You know, you can go with your football mate. And if you're looking for something, you and the lads to do. No, the lads would be very welcome. But, I mean, who doesn't love a Celine Dion song? So it's basically, Astrid Harris is playing Celine Dion. She does such an amazing impersonation of her. And then the story of the Titanic is retold through Celine Dion's extensive back catalogue. Because I've seen Titanic so many times

10:53Alan Carr:and we actually went to see it with you. We did.

10:56Lee Peart:Yes, I told you to go and see it the first place. We had dinner afterwards, didn't we? That's right, we went to cheekies with your friend.

11:02Tom Allen:Angelica Bell. No, it wasn't Angelica Bell. It was your friend.

11:07Alan Carr:Adele, was it Adele? It was Adele. It was Brenda Cahouli.

11:13Lee Peart:She played Gale Tuesday. Gale Tuesday.

11:15Alan Carr:It was a lovely time. The thing with Titanic is you can watch it on so many levels. It's so amazingly camp. it's but then you can also just if you've got no sense of humour you can just enjoy some amazing singers singing the best Celine Dion songs

11:33Tom Allen:and they really like blast it out and like they are amazing like Charlotte Wakefield one of the one of the greatest musical theatre voices and she's just there playing Molly Brown the unsinkable Molly Brown but you know like all her song like all by myself she sings and just just incredible and the band's there it's wonderful and it's like joke after joke after joke so like I've been to see it twice already. I know you guys saw it a few times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the jokes are so, they're like airplane, you know, one after the other, one after the other. Yes, yeah, yeah. So it's like 30 Rock or something.

12:00Tom Allen:You have to watch it again just to get more. So I'm so delighted that they've asked me to join them.

12:05Alan Carr:Adele had a Titanic fight, and I went dressed as the unsinkable Molly Brown because you have to go as a character. Oh, that's perfect then. Yes, and I bumped into Tom Ford, you know, Gucci man. Yes, of course I know Tom Ford. He said, who've you come as? I said, I'm the unsinkable Molly Brown. He said, oh, you'd sink. Oh! Oh. So I boycott Gucci now. Yeah. And you know what?

12:26Lee Peart:It's shown. It's shown. Thank you. You're shown them. I will never wear a Tom Ford outfit again. They rue the day. TK Maxx for me.

12:35Alan Carr:Who's laughing now?

12:37Lee Peart:We met years ago. I've always loved you, Tom. And I don't want to start licking your ass or anything like that. But like I... It's a different podcast. Bottoms up. But I genuinely do. And we met... I mean, it's so... We did a gay gig, didn't we? Yes. A queer night, as they call it these days. It wasn't that back in the day. It was LGBT back in the day, wasn't it? Where do we stand on queer? Well, I know. Because queer used to be an insult, didn't it? Didn't it?

13:07Tom Allen:But I think queer is a bit easier to say. I mean, lazily. I just think it's easier just to say one word. Yeah, queer. But do you find it offensive? I imagine you must have had that shout.

13:15Alan Carr:Well, it's weird because... I have that, yeah. Don Ford. Don Ford. I've got a homophobic abuse from Tom Ford. That's how camp I am. They turn on their own. That's the trouble with gays. They turn. I was, I don't, obviously, I don't condone homophobia, but when I came out... What do you mean, but? No, I came out of Celebrity Traitors and someone shouted, Oi, cloak lifter. Oh! Which I thought, that's funny, but homophobic. But I'll let you have that because it's quick. It's a fine night because we do love our comedy.

13:50Tom Allen:We do love a quick wit, don't we? Very witty. That van driver was very witty. Very witty. Straight in there.

13:56Alan Carr:Oi, cloak lifter. You. Good one.

14:01Lee Peart:You got me there. But we then ended up at a Mary Poppins after show party. I'm going.

14:09Alan Carr:This is too gay. This is too much.

14:12Lee Peart:And they were all, it was Mary Poppins was on tour and we, of course, ended up gay crushing them. Party. I wanted to know how you two met. When did you two first meet? We first met, I think, through Susie.

14:26Tom Allen:When you very kindly came and did Like-Minded Friends, which Susie and I still solder on with the podcast. That was 10 years ago, actually.

14:35Alan Carr:It was probably to the day, 10 years ago. And then we have got something in common, me and Tom. Same birthday. Yes. And who else do you share that with? The late, great Paul O 'Grady.

14:44Tom Allen:And? Boy George. And? Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Who hasn't invited me, but maybe he's invited you to a party. Oh, yes, I often go to Mar-a-Lago. Mar-a-Lago, yes.

14:57Alan Carr:No, but when you see Trump, I don't see any of our qualities.

15:02Tom Allen:Well, he's been booked for the celebrity traitors idea. What a surprise. I don't see that we have a lot in common.

15:11Alan Carr:No, because I think we're quite similar. When I see Paul O 'Grady, you know, comedy,

15:15Tom Allen:and Boy George has got that quite catty fun kind of style. I can't imagine Donald Trump being a laugh a minute like that.

15:23Alan Carr:No, definitely not.

15:24Lee Peart:So I want to ask as well, so how do you genuinely feel about, you're going into a show, because you've acted before, haven't you? Well, a little bit here and there, Lee, yes. But like, what's it like? Are you in the rehearsal room? Like, what's the schedule?

15:38Tom Allen:At the moment, I'm having quite intense singing lessons because all the vocals are in harmony. So it's quite a new challenge for me. So Richard Cooper, my singing teacher, shout out to him, has been very patient and very nice.

15:51Alan Carr:Because there are bits where you can freestyle, can't you, with your character? Because I was there and then they name-checked me and Amanda. Oh, that's nice. And you were there with Amanda?

16:00Tom Allen:Yes, yes. Oh, gosh.

16:01Alan Carr:So you have to think on your... And then he went, oh, my God, I had a three-hour nap. I went and saw Devil Wears Prada. So he was quite hattie about other shows. So are you going to be... I suppose in the first few days I should just be quite nice

16:15Tom Allen:in the first few shows but after that maybe I'll be a bit more what's the word but I think I mean the sense is Ruth is the mother of Rose the part I'm playing is she's quite unhinged because in the film she's just this like sort of one note like energy she's like old bag does she have two birds on her head or something well in the show she does but having watched the film several times

16:37Alan Carr:that character comes from nowhere because you're watching it and you're going But I watched Titanic, the film. I was with my friend. I mean, she must live in a cave. Was it Amanda Holden? No, it was not. And it wasn't Adele. It wasn't Adele. And it wasn't Adele. I'm waiting to find out who it is. No, it was my friend Julie. Oh, okay. And I was really surprised because we were watching it on Christmas Day. And she must be the only person in the world who doesn't know the Titanic story. And when the iceberg was shown, she went, oh, that don't look good. No shit. I've got a funny feeling. Wait a minute.

17:11Alan Carr:That's heading straight for the ship.

17:13Lee Peart:Apparently, if they had gone straight into it rather than trying to swerve, it wouldn't have sunk if they said. Yeah, if you'd have just... What, like parallel park next to it? Oh, yes.

17:22Tom Allen:If only they'd reversed.

17:25Lee Peart:So maybe that should be your ethos for the show. You just plough straight through it.

17:29Tom Allen:Oh, yeah, maybe that's a good bit of advice there, Lee. Thank you. I think that's very much the role, really, is that you just kind of...

17:35Lee Peart:And is this the first West End show you've been in?

17:38Tom Allen:Yes, yeah. Really, yeah. So, I mean, I feel, like I say, very honoured to be joining such a brilliant cast. What's your favourite Celine Dion song? Well, now, having been singing through all of them in quite a lot of depth, something like I Surrender actually is sort of sticking out. Oh, yes, yes. I like that one. When I was young.

17:59Lee Peart:No one needed it anymore. I like it. It's all coming back to me now.

18:04Alan Carr:Because, you know, I've met Celine Dion.

18:06Lee Peart:Go on. That was a nice joke. I met her with a dad.

18:08Alan Carr:That was a nice joke. that people might have met at home. What, what?

18:10Tom Allen:He said it's all coming back to him now. It's nice. I just wanted to... Was it a joke? No.

18:16Lee Peart:Stop it.

18:17Tom Allen:I'll take it.

18:18Alan Carr:If Tom Allen says it is, I will take it. Yes. I met Celine. Is she funny? She's really funny. Oh. She has this kind of... She talks a bit like Groucho Marx. She's like, hey, how you doing? Doing the show?

18:30Tom Allen:She got a cigar as well.

18:33Alan Carr:Were you starstruck? I love this kid.

18:35Lee Peart:Were you starstruck? So starstruck. I'm the biggest Celine Dion fan. Oh, I didn't know that. Have you ever been starstruck? You must have. I once met Jane Asher.

18:45Tom Allen:Wow, yeah. What's she like in real life? Well, she's a lot like Groucho Marx. Jane Asher! Hey, what am I, Kate?

18:55Alan Carr:I used to date Paul McCartney. That's a long time ago. Anyway.

19:06Alan Carr:like the best literary couples a good audiobook goes fabulous with a nice glass of wine Kathy and Heathcliff Romeo and Juliet passionate unforgettable and slightly doomed a bit like me and Lee.

19:22Lee Peart:Yes, it is the Bottoms Up Audio Book Club. So I've got an audio book for you. After the success of last week's episode with our book club, how are you getting on with your listening journey? I'm listening to Bob Mortimer's audio book. Oh, that's good. I always think an autobiography is good because you hear them say, it's like, yeah, they're reading.

19:41Alan Carr:He narrates it himself. He's so funny. He's got a real turn of phrase and what a life he's had. So when I'm walking the dog, I pop it on.

19:48Lee Peart:Yeah, listen to him. It's great. Well, with Amazon Music Unlimited, you get one free audiobook every month. So if you've got your music already, you get the perk of a free audiobook. It's all in one place. So you've got your music, your podcasts, and your audiobook. So check it out. Shall I pour? Please, I'm gasping. Okay. So I'll just explain. Right. I was, we like a little bit of a YouTube hole, don't we? We The other day, I don't know what happened, but my algorithm was serving me up a bit of Game of Thrones content. All right. And so I was watching clips of that and I was like, I want like a romantic fantasy novel.

20:27Lee Peart:It's called The Wolf King. You do like animals, wolf?

20:32Alan Carr:Yes, I like animals. You do.

20:33Lee Peart:So this is The Wolf King. It's written by Lauren Palfreyman. All right. It's brilliant. It's narrated amazingly. You can hear like there's like sound effects. You hear like the crackling of the fire. It's romantic fantasy. So this Princess Aurora, I was basically hooked on Princess Aurora. She goes over and she gets kind of kidnapped by, I don't want to give it away, but she gets kidnapped by this wolf king. And what I love about it is, you know what? Well, you are a reader, but audiobooks for me, you know when you see like a book and it's like six, 700 pages, you're like, okay, I'm not going to, I can't do that.

21:07Lee Peart:No, see you later. If I look at an audiobook and it's like 12 hours, I'm like half an hour a day, boom, you do it in a month. It's amazing.

21:14Alan Carr:Have you heard the Barbara Streisand one? What? 40 hours. 40 hours? Yes. I think people were too scared to edit her down. But sometimes it's like the mutterings of a madwoman. It's like she's left the phone on and she's going, because, you know, and sometimes I get a, you know, Jell-O sandwich and there was a shop around the corner that used to do, oh, no, it was in the mall. I'm like, hello, back to funny girl. I don't care what you've eaten. she doesn't she's got no filter

21:45Lee Peart:when you know when they say it's not edited at all you're like it could do with a little bit of editing

21:50Alan Carr:little snippy snip babs snippy snip no but the Wolf King it is now Wolf King he's not the one in America that had all those tigers no that's the Tiger King

21:59Lee Peart:okay yeah that's the sequel it takes a weird turn I'm going to say this now I've never seen Tiger King I didn't watch it

22:09Alan Carr:what did you do during Covid it was the only thing to watch

22:11Lee Peart:no do you know what I didn't do banana bread and I didn't do Tiger King. I thought, I'm not doing it. I'm not jumping on the bandwagon. Tell me you clapped for the NHS on a Thursday.

22:22Alan Carr:You are so mean. No, I didn't. You didn't, why not?

22:26Lee Peart:My pans are La Crusade.

22:28Alan Carr:I'm not...

22:35Alan Carr:You are mean.

22:37Lee Peart:Thank you.

22:41Lee Peart:I've paired this book with a Shiraz and sometimes I feel like it's I want it to go a bit different but I just think I don't think there is any other wine when you're doing medieval kind of romantic fantasy stuff red wine is that I like to think that I'm in a medieval fantasy with a goblet of red wine this is giving me goblet yes and I'd love to be like seize him you know take him down i'll take him to the castle i can see you going guards yes guards yeah yeah

23:13Alan Carr:yeah totally yeah so no this is nice is i think this shiraz is like is dark is brooding and it's

23:21Lee Peart:a little bit spicy yeah and you can pair it nicely and you can just sit down have your glass of wine blast it on your speakers through the amazon music unlimited app and boom you you just you transport yourself into this like romantic fantasy world princess aurora will she be saved will she fall in love with the wolf king i don't know oh so what are you waiting for press play on your monthly included audiobook on amazon music unlimited and new subscribers can also enjoy a free trial what's not to love is a no-brainer it is love cheers bottoms up this episode is brought

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24:47Alan Carr:of sites with kayak and get your trip right bad advice you talking to me kayak got that right

25:00Lee Peart:can i also just say as if you're not doing enough you're adding well you're already an author and i loved i loved your two books you two already haven't you two non-fiction um uh but you're

25:13Tom Allen:moving in you're you're moving into fiction i ran out of stories of my own this is so exciting oh well thank you for saying that lee i mean again another sort of um sort of new challenge like creating a world of characters to tell a story about. But it was a tremendous experience and I absolutely am so proud of doing it. It's set in suburbia, which I know is where everyone thinks nothing happens, but in my world, it does.

25:39Lee Peart:And how long, out of interest, does it take? I mean, I suppose it's different for everyone, but how long does it take to actually, like, write a book like that?

25:46Tom Allen:Write a novel? Well, I mean, it's... I think it's however long you want it to, really. But I wrote it over about 18 months and I mean it's like 100 ,000 words so you're kind of like trying to, if you change a thing at the beginning, it's all very well but you have to remember like if you've given them ginger hair, you have to remember, you know, 18 months later that they've got like, you can't be like, and then they're olive skin. So, you know.

26:09Alan Carr:And do you write at a desk? Because when I went to your house, you had no furniture. Have you got any furniture? Do you remember that? And do you remember then,

26:19Tom Allen:I thought I'd murdered you.

26:20Alan Carr:Do you remember?

26:22Tom Allen:What's this? So Alan came round, not long after I'd moved in.

26:25Alan Carr:There was no... And he's got a wine. You know, I've got a wine rack. He's got a wine... Wardrobe. Wine wardrobe. Oh, my God.

26:35Tom Allen:I'm sure you guys will have one. I knew there was a reason we invited you on Bottoms Up. Well, the thing was, we'd just come out of the pandemic, so I hadn't been able to go and buy any furniture. And so it was completely empty when you came around. I thought it was like, can't pay, we'll take it away.

26:50Alan Carr:I said, have you got money problems, Tom? do you want me to give you a loan? I said, I've got some gold upstairs.

26:58Tom Allen:No, there was no furniture, was it?

27:00Alan Carr:Do you remember we got a little bit tipsy.

27:03Tom Allen:Which is not like the sort of thing we like to do. And we would just jump it up and down on your trampoline in the garden.

27:08Alan Carr:Well, of course, why not?

27:08Tom Allen:And then it was all fun and games until I fell down the stairs and smashed my head open. This always happens with you.

27:14Alan Carr:It's you.

27:15Tom Allen:It's you, Alan.

27:16Alan Carr:One of my last memories is going, Tom, Tom. And then there's blood coming out. and then that's when I ran and got on the replacement bus service. You told me about this. You left him for dead. I thought I'd killed him. Anyway, what were you saying about your book? Is it a murder mystery? No, it's not.

27:33Tom Allen:Funnily enough, based on what you've just said, no, it's not.

27:39Tom Allen:Am I in it thinly veiled? Remind me the name of it. It's called Common Decency. That's it, yeah. And it's about, in my mind, like, even in mundane places like suburbia, even dramatic things can happen. secrets and lies.

27:52Lee Peart:And, you know, is this going to be, is the character, is it going to be a series? Is it going to, or is it just a standalone?

27:58Tom Allen:Well, I've enjoyed, I've really enjoyed writing those characters. There are four houses it's about, the families or the people who live in each of the four houses. So, I've enjoyed kind of learning about them in this journey. So, if people want to know more from them, then I would love to show them more experiences. It's about their, their, their, yeah, the way that their kind of lives are, it turns out, quite intertwined more than they realised.

28:18Lee Peart:Because you were the type of person where I sometimes look at people and I go, you're doing exactly what you were born to do. Oh, getting drunk. But what would you do? Is there anything you would be if you weren't a comedian, presenter, writer, West End star? Undertaker. Undertaker.

28:37Tom Allen:I just think I would be great at that. Dressing up, you know, I'm basically dressed as one today. You're always ready. Tom Ford over here. ready with a barbed comment and I'm dressed ready I've always liked top hats and I just like the idea of parading around in front of a hearse looking a bit solemn looking a bit yeah somber somber I could do very well that or maybe maybe a vicar I could go all the way if I really wanted to get dressed up

29:06Lee Peart:I wouldn't mind being a vicar right Tom we can't just gossip the whole time even though that is part of it we want you to stay on if you would kindly do this because this is a wine podcast and we are trying to give people take home things. Will you, you're a man of sophistication, you know your stuff. Are you ready to help us solve some dilemmas? Oh, yes. I love a dilemma. Before you do that, tell us, Titanique, when do you start on that? Because it's a six week run, is it? I'm doing it for six weeks. Titanique starts,

29:34Tom Allen:I start in it on the 4th of March. It's at the Criterion Theatre in London and it's one hell of a show. So if you get a chance to see it, I'd love to see there. And when does your book come out? My book comes out on the 21st of May. It's called Common Decency. and it's available to pre-order now. And I'm very excited about that coming.

29:50Lee Peart:And genuinely, if you love podcasts, which of course you do, you're watching this for God's sake, check out Pottering with Tom Allen. It's so good. I want to do it.

29:58Alan Carr:Please invite me. I want to go back to the scene of the grime.

30:01Lee Peart:You want to see the house with furniture?

30:03Alan Carr:Yes, yes. Is there still that outline of you upstairs?

30:08Tom Allen:Bring back those memories. Go on, like the old days. Right, let's get some wine because we're empty. This is delicious. Bottoms up. Bottoms up. Bottoms up, everyone. Bottom. Gosh, it's like hitting an iceberg.

30:23Alan Carr:Whether you're after a Wednesday night wine, Friday afternoon fizz, or a Sunday suva, me, Lee, and Tom are here to help. Lee, what's the dilemma, please? I will tell you. It's from Danny.

30:36Lee Peart:D-A-N-I. Oh, is it Danny Dyer's daughter? Maybe. I don't know. We cannot either confirm nor deny. So many celebs in this episode. Alan Lee and Tom, I'm hosting. Oh, this is a bit of you already, I think. She's hosting her own murder mystery evening. And as you can imagine, the pressure is immense. Accents will be questionable. Accusations will be flying. And I need the right wine to carry us through. I'd love your recommendations. Ideally, something dramatic, a little chaotic, and guaranteed to loosen tongues. A wine that brings Alan's energy on the traitors. Bold, unpredictable, slightly unhinged.

31:20Lee Peart:Brackets, but in a glamorous way. Something that says someone is lying at the table. Loving the show. Every week. Bottoms up, Danny. I hate this, Danny. What? What are you talking about me being unhinged? Slightly unhinged. Well, you are. I thought slightly was actually a compliment. I love you, Danny, really. She really gets you. she's clearly watched the show every week Tom thank you for doing this so firstly wine we haven't really talked about wine for you are you a wine we should have probably checked this before are you a wine drinker I've been sober now but you're allergic to wine

31:55Tom Allen:after that terrible incident no I am a wine drinker what's your choice

32:00Lee Peart:what's your typical

32:00Tom Allen:well I like all sorts of wines to be honest all of them I am I like sort of things with a lot of like woody flavours is that a silly thing to say So heavy kind of... You like red? Reds, yes. Those kind of oaked things. Oaky Chardonnay. Would you like an oaky Chardonnay? I love an oaky Chardonnay. Viognier maybe. Oh, I love a viognier. I mean, I like anything a bit bustling.

32:24Lee Peart:All right, well, we're going to start with a Shiraz. This is for Danny. Nice tasting glass there we've got. Yeah, I know, I know. Oh, come on. We haven't seen you in ages. People often say to me, they go, Do you spit like when you do the wine tasting? I'm like, have you seen the show?

32:43Tom Allen:I've got a singing lesson about an hour after this. Have you? I'm going to be on fire. What Celine Dion song are you going to sing? All of them because it's for Titanic. So it'll be all of the Celine Dion songs that I'm doing the harmonies on, including the prayer that she did with Andrea. Oh, that's great.

33:03Lee Peart:Anyway, we need to talk this. Let's get to this.

33:06Alan Carr:Oh, that's not in it though. The whispers in the morning.

33:11Tom Allen:Love a sheep and trance.

33:14Alan Carr:Or say it.

33:18Lee Peart:Samuel Lady. You are my man.

33:23Tom Allen:But that's somebody else before, was it? Yeah, Jennifer Rush. Jennifer Rush, well.

33:28Lee Peart:Sorry, Danny, we've not got time to do your dilemma. Alan did a medley. Right, so I like this. Let's think. She's hosting a murder mystery. Okay. So think about Dani. She's hosting a murder mystery at her house. They've got their cards with their little character bios. Nice Shiraz. What are we getting from that? Give it a bit of a nice... I'm getting chocolate. So this is an Australian Shiraz. And I mean, the name, it's called the Chaos Confessor. I mean, doesn't the name in itself kind of, you know. This brings a kind of nice warmth, spice and confidence. She's big, she's bold and she loosens everything.

34:05Alan Carr:Do you think I'm getting chocolate, a little bit of chocolate in there?

34:08Lee Peart:I'm getting grapes quite a lot.

34:09Tom Allen:Grapes, that always helps. Well, berries, I'm getting a sort of fruit, a red fruit of some sort. But there is a smokiness to it, isn't there? A smokiness, yeah.

34:18Lee Peart:Oh, Malbec. I love Malbec. Well, this is the thing, because I do like a Shiraz, but do you know what this wine podcast has taught me? I've been drinking a lot of Pinot Noirs more. Oh, I like a Pinot Noir. Yes, it's got a lot,

34:31Tom Allen:but it still can be quite flavoursome, I find a Pinot Noir.

34:33Alan Carr:It's a nice day one.

34:34Tom Allen:Glad I didn't wear my white linen. Yeah. Those not watching the podcast, Alan just basically poured it all over time.

34:41Alan Carr:I've got to stretch over the table.

34:43Lee Peart:There's a lot going on on this table. What have we got here then? So, high altitude Malbec. Mendoza, this is in Argentine. Oh, that's lovely, isn't it? Malbec. Oh, yes. Now, Alan loves the Malbec.

34:54Alan Carr:When I go to a restaurant and I see Malbec, I go like, and then I see if it's from... That's why he's barred from a lot of restaurants.

35:05Alan Carr:And I see that if it's Argentina, I go tick. And if it's from Mendoza, I go tick, tick.

35:11Tom Allen:Well, you've got double tick here. Would you go to Mendoza? Would you go on a... Mendoza. Mendoza. Hello? Sounds like Bendova, doesn't it? Mendoza. No more wine, please. No more wine, please. No, you're being smutty.

35:22Alan Carr:Mendoza, Bendova.

35:25Tom Allen:But can't you go on the gaucho trail and all that? Gaucho. Gaucho Marx. Hey, Soledadio. Blah, blah, blah. myself and John seeing Celine Dion songs

35:36Lee Peart:dressed as Cato Marx what's up with me? we haven't got time to go into it

35:41Tom Allen:so

35:43Alan Carr:no what's this because that's my dream

35:45Tom Allen:that would be something to do on the bucket that would be something you could have done on that show we haven't told you

35:49Alan Carr:what? and this is not a wind up guess what me and Tom are doing next week it might be the last time you see us alive

35:56Tom Allen:we're skydiving skydiving why? because Alan said it was on his bucket list So I said, if Alan wants to do it on his bucket list, you know he hasn't got long left. And I thought, I've got to do it.

36:09Alan Carr:You're skydiving. Skydiving. Where? And the producers of the TV show are playing us off one another. What do you mean? I said, I read, oh, Tom, what's this about you wanting to do a skydive? He said, I don't want to do a skydive. Well, you told me you want to do a skydive.

36:23Lee Peart:What do you think of that impression there? I don't want to do a skydive. You do a impression. I do, I do like... Well, I just enjoy the way you sometimes elongate your pulse. And you also play with timing. That's great.

36:44Tom Allen:That's the greatest compliment you're going to put me. I'm a Tom Allen tribute act.

36:48Alan Carr:Oh, maybe if you get a sore throat titanic, understand it.

36:53Tom Allen:Oh, you are a wonderful musician, Lee. Oh, musician. Yeah, piano and song.

36:57Lee Peart:And triangle.

36:58Tom Allen:And triangle. Glockenstrieg.

37:01Lee Peart:But come on. Danny, I'm sorry, we're neglecting her. I think this one's slightly better than that one. Well, you've got smooth berry there. You've got ripe plum flavours. That's a lot smoother to be that one. Yeah, I think that one, inverted flamingo. Can I go back? Yeah, you can go back. And the thing is, I think, obviously... It's not a firework. You can go back. You can say that. I think as well, if she's doing this in the evening, a Malbec is a bit more like of a heavier one. it's nicer that to me is more fruity

37:32Alan Carr:I like that one oh Puglia

37:35Tom Allen:oh now this is my favourite sort of red wine I think is it? a Primitivo yes first press isn't it is that right? what'd you say? Primitivo first something first press do you know what

37:46Lee Peart:I don't know if you're getting this Alan but now when I go like I'm out people will go to me well you're the expert now you tell me I don't have a clue what's going on but still it's a lot to learn isn't it? oh I don't know I just like the big flavours I'm just like, I like the ones that are a big punch in the face. Because you know when I asked you earlier about what would you do, I could see you as a sommelier. Oh, I'd like that. Wouldn't you be great? Or as a maitre d'.

38:10Tom Allen:Oh, a snooty maitre d'. Yes. Table. Now, get it ready. These people are here. Madonna's here. Jane Asher's here. Celine Dion. Hey, I want a table. Celine Dion. Smoking or smoking?

38:25Alan Carr:This woman I met, she knew John Malkovich. You know the actor? And he was in the Garrick. And she went, Alan, Alan, let's take John Malkovich for dinner. So I rang up Sheikis. I said, hello, because I needed a good table. I said, hello, I'm John Malkovich's PA. And they went, Alan, is that you? And I went, I said, it is me. I said, I've got to get a good table for John Malkovich. And if I use me, they're not going to give me a good table. So you didn't affect the voice. You just did your voice. I don't think it is recognisable.

39:05Tom Allen:Fuck you. No, no, in a good way, it is. In a good way, it's one of the most recognisable voices, I think. Do you reckon? Heads turn. Nobody else sounds like you, do they? Seagull. So is this your favourite Primitivo? I like Primitivo. There's something about it that's kind of silky, woody, but a bit fruity.

39:22Lee Peart:Oh, yeah. That's another level. I would say the Malbec is a little bit, and I do love a Malbec, as you do as well, but it's a bit too heavy. That is really nice. It's fruity and it's not going to... A murder mystery will last a while. Okay, unless they solve it straight away. No, they go on and on.

39:39Tom Allen:And sometimes they're quite boring. I'm just saying, Danny, you might keep up halfway through. I've always done. Yeah.

39:44Alan Carr:Yes, I would definitely choose that one. Primitivo because I think... And it's got an interesting taste. Got a nice Italian for you there. We'll pop it in the description.

39:55Lee Peart:Lovely. If you were going to have any glass of wine or any glass, like white, red, rosé. We should do death row drink.

40:02Tom Allen:Oh, do you think you'd fancy, people always say death row meals. I'm always like, I don't think I'd be hungry. No. You're going to the chair in the morning. What do you want for dinner? I don't think I'd be like, maybe a Chateau Brion.

40:13Lee Peart:Yeah, you don't want a big one. You don't want to look bloated. No, I want to look like bears.

40:17Alan Carr:You don't want to look bloated in that body bag. Can you take this body bag out? I'm having some pasta last night.

40:25Tom Allen:Oh my God, he looks incredible. Maybe we should change our minds.

40:28Alan Carr:Listen, you'll be off now doing your scales. That's what you West End Wendy's call it.

40:33Tom Allen:Well, of course, my voice is my life now. It's your organ. It's my organ. Good luck with your organ. Thank you. We will be front row. I can't wait. You're going to be amazed. I bet you will.

40:44Lee Peart:Faces like stone, glaring. It is one of those shows as well, like, because it's, you know, it's very, it's quite gay. Even in the show, they go, this room is full of gays. And I do think maybe that is slightly intimate, because I sometimes get nervous when I'm doing like an LGBTQ gig where it's like mostly gays in the audience. Oh, it's very difficult.

41:04Tom Allen:It's very difficult. They're a very discerning crowd.

41:07Alan Carr:Do you have to do that moronic thing like Celine Dion isn't in the show? Because I went to see 9 to 5, you know, the Dolly Parton in Stoke. And I was there on a Tuesday matinee and they went, please note, Dolly Parton is not in this performance. Do you have to say Celine Dion isn't in it?

41:30Tom Allen:I don't know, but I don't think so. I don't know. They do sometimes. I've seen that on that 9 to 5 show, but I don't know if they do it with this one.

41:39Alan Carr:Because Donnie does appear on a video screen, doesn't she? She said, hello there, Stoke. Enjoy the performance. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

41:48Lee Peart:And they always do that thing at the start of the new schools. Back in these days, there were no mobile phones, so please switch them off. Just get on with it. Just say it. Yeah, they go, in Oklahoma, we're back in there. I don't know if no mobile phones are back in there. I think Dolly Potter actually was saying that backstage.

42:06Tom Allen:Dolly, you're done. Cool. I'm off the stand. I'm stuck. I love the Potter.

42:11Alan Carr:Okay, so Danny, we're going to pick the Primitivo from Puglia. I know, I didn't think we would go for this,

42:18Lee Peart:but I think, yeah, it's the perfect choice. As chosen by Tom Allen, good luck with your murder mystery, babes. Good luck. Bottoms up.

42:24Alan Carr:And as always, please drink responsibly.

42:28Lee Peart:For more information, visit drinkaware.co.uk.

42:30Alan Carr:Break a leg. Break a leg in Titanique. Good luck with the book.

42:35Tom Allen:Thanks, everybody. Thanks for having me. What a lovely read. We love you, Tom. I haven't drunk for two months, and I am really feeling this morning. You've now had two months' worth of drinking. I'm really made up for it now.

42:44Alan Carr:If you enjoyed this episode of Bottoms Up, join us next week, where we'll have more drinks, more dilemmas, and more dubious wine knowledge.

42:52Lee Peart:and next week we're actually going to be adding cocktails to the mix. Very exciting. We're branching out a little bit. As always, please do slide into our inbox with any questions, queries, dilemmas you've got at Bottoms Up Show on social media or email us, bottomsup at listen.co.uk. And don't forget to like, review and subscribe. We'd love that. Thank you. Thanks for listening and as always, please do drink responsibly. We'll see you next week.

43:19Alan Carr:Bottoms Up with Alan Carr and Lee Peart is a Listen production. Bottoms Up, guys.

43:25Tom Allen:Mmm, bottoms up.

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43:55Lee Peart:Choose Happy and download the Les Mills Plus app today. Click or tap the banner to learn more.

44:03Tom Allen:There's a world where legends race across city skylines. Romance blossoms in glittering ballrooms. And there's magic around every corner. It's a world known to many as Great Britain. You've seen the action on screen. Now visit the real star of the show. Visit Great Britain. To discover more, go to tripadvisor.com slash Great Britain.