Wimbledon, Pimms & Prosecco vs. Cava

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0:49Alan Carr:It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom the B. Use as directed. For those of you listening, Lee is crying at a Nescafe advert from yesteryear. I mean, that's just that. Lee! Come on! And that's what I call a meal deal. Love thy neighbour. Are you writing this down? Sorry about that.

1:36Alan Carr:I didn't realise.

1:41Alan Carr:Hello and welcome to Bottoms Up with me, Alan Carr and Lee Peart. Yes, it is the show where we know as much about wine as Alan knows about moderation. That's nice. I'm just reading what it says in the script Okay If you have an issue with how that's written Yes Contact HR I'm not going to have a go at you Because it's your birthday next week It is What date? July the 16th 16th And I was celebrating a couple of weeks ago Wasn't I? Were you? Because you left my house Yes you were You were very Yeah Moved into my new place Yes Lovely Oh Yeah, new style. I feel like, yeah, but, well, you've obviously just had your 50th, so that's a big thing.

2:30Alan Carr:I know. I turned 36, so I feel okay. Sometimes an age can make you go, hmm. Well, 50. I know, that's a milestone. I know, I know. Because then the milestones get less and less as you get older. What do you mean? What? Well, your next is 60. Because it was first like 16, 18, 21, 30, 40. Oh, yeah. And then there's those people that say, oh, you know, 50, Ella? You only got another 26 summers. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who says that to you? Someone said it to me. 26 summers. If you're lucky. All right. Talking of summer, welcome drink, Pimms. Oh, yeah, Wimbledon's here. Wimbledon. I've never been to it. Have you been to it?

3:13Alan Carr:They invite me to Wimbledon, but I don't know if it looks boring. It does look boring. I don't think they'll be inviting you much longer. I think it's a poor man's swing ball. There I said it. You do have a swing ball in your garden. I love swing ball. How's my... Do you know what? Do you want to know my claim to fame? I played swing ball with Martina Navratilova. Mic drop. When? On Shatty Man? Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, you make it out like... It was contractually obliged to play. Makes it feel like she just poked her head over. What was that? Hello, Alan. I love that you have like completely just taking the piss out of her sport.

3:55Alan Carr:Let's play swing ball. East to the road. I want to know. I don't get it. Go on. I mean, that's just that. For those of you listening, Lee's having a wank.

4:16Alan Carr:No, but that's too much. How's my, what's it called? Limbo set. Because that's next to your swing ball. Oh, yeah. Your garden's like a playground. Lee bought me a limbo set for my garden. Those stupid things you do. I used it once, but when my tits knocked it off, it wasn't fun. It's a bit like that gambling advert, you know, when the fun stops. Stop, what's it? When the fun stops. I don't know. I was like, la, la, la, la, la, la. And then I saw it like, it was sort of wedged. I know, you got fat shamed by a limbo set. I know. You got down quite low. Yeah, how low can you go? But then actually you just walked under it, didn't you?

5:06Alan Carr:Oh dear. Your quiff knocked it off. Maybe that could... My top hat. Why do I join in on this? Every time. No, it's annoying. Yeah. Anyway, whatever. Pimms. You don't love Pimms, do you? No, no. Why not? Pimms o 'clock? I still don't like it. Pimms o 'clock or something. Heroin o 'clock. It doesn't mean I wanted it. I don't like it. Oh, damn, you've got me. Yeah. Just because you stick a clock up there doesn't mean I need to have it. Oh, it's so nice. Well, what I made once is I made, I had a recipe. Actually, maybe I'll find the recipe. What's it made of, Pimms? It's fruit and other stuff. I bought the actual juicy bit.

5:52Alan Carr:Yeah, I don't know. What's the veg? It's a bit like a, not veg, a fruit. It's like Apro. What's the veg? It's like Apro spritz. I don't know what Apro is. It's aperitif. No, but what is the fruit? Well, it's like an aperitif. So I... You don't know. Well, I made something. Maybe I'll give the recipe out, actually. I made legendary, I say that because my mum used to say, I'm going to make my world famous tiramisu. It's not even famous in Grimsby. It's literally not world famous. But I made my legendary Turbo Pimms. Tastes just like Pimms. Massive alcohol content. Gets you fucked up, basically. What do you put in it?

6:37Alan Carr:There's gin, there's cognac, there's like liqueurs. And yeah, we had it once. No, but it tastes disgusting. No, it tastes like Pimms. But that's dangerous. But it's Turbo Pim's. My friend was like, I think you've got a problem if you're trying to push your Pim's mom. Please drink responsibly. To be honest, I think if you have a cocktail and Turbo is in front of me, it's your own fault. The call is coming from inside the house. You've had a power shandy. What's that? Oh my God, that's awful. That is awful. What is it? It is a pint of lager and then you top it up with... Because I had one and I...

7:15Alan Carr:You're getting... It was so disgusting. And then I had the worst hangover the next day. As I took the washing out of the washing machine, I vomited over the clothes. And then just had to put them back in the wash. Well, that's all right. I took the chunky bits off. Oh, for God's sake, Alan. It's a bit like the top of this pin. What, do you put in a power shandy? You have a pint glass, lager up to there, and then you top it up with smirnoff ice. Oh. No, not for me. Honestly, it is rank. What was I going to say? We were talking earlier, birthdays. You're a Gemini, I'm a Cancer. Yes. And you've been looking into some astrology.

7:58Alan Carr:Do you believe in astrological? Well, I do when it's written like this. Alan, Gemini, highly intellectual, witty. Would you say that? Yes, I would actually. Cerebral, quick-witted and enjoys deep conversations and a debate. You don't like deep conversations. Not really. No, I get, gives me the ick. You get bored a bit, like, if we start overthinking things. Yeah, politics, ugh. Yeah. Adaptable. Adaptable, yeah. Versatile, I didn't know you were versatile. You're known as... I'm a turbo bottom.

8:36Alan Carr:Known as the chameleon of the Zodiac. Yeah, I can blend into any social situation. You're communicative and charismatic. Natural conversationalist, well, we all know that. Love exchanging ideas. That's me. However, restless and easily bored. Get on with it. He requires constant mental stimulation and dislikes monotony. Monopoly. And other board games. Monotomy. Dislikes monopoly. And that is true, because the other day, will you help me with this, love? I need to go through an action point. I'm an elderly lady. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. Read it out. I'll help you through it. It's really important.

9:21Alan Carr:Action point one. Decide whether... I can't. It's boring. And he got up and left the room. I can't. It's too boring. Something happened. I hear white noise. I do. Honestly, boy. Dual nature. Gemini men can change their minds, opinions or moods rapidly. When have I ever done that? You always do that. Okay, well, let's have a look at you, Lee. Cancer. Now, I'm going to guess. Hard shell, soft heart. That's what they say about the cancer crab. Ah, vindictive, I've got here. Vindictive and cruel. Do you want to talk about vindictive? I'll tell you who's vindictive. You in that shirt. You know I love that shirt.

10:02Alan Carr:And you know I want that shirt. Okay. Lee stayed at my house and I'll be honest, a few of my shirts weren't missing. You're a liar. You're a liar. And some costume jewellery. I did you a favour. Now, I very kindly said, okay, it's no secret, I have piled on the pounds. So there's a few shirts that I couldn't fit in anymore and I said, Lee, please, I think they look great on you and I gave you, there were some nice designer shirts. Gorgeous Gucci shirts. Gorgeous shirts. I said, please, you have them. Him, uh, uh, uh, uh, pushes past me like my wardrobe is a TK Maxx. what about this I said well I can fit in that um I'm joking I'm joking oh wow I guess I am vindictive you are um and so he said I want that I want that and I said no you can't have that I'm wearing it and then he's always wanted it and I you know maybe I am a bit vindictive but I know he wants it he said this morning I'm feeling in a spiteful mood today so I'm going to wear that shirt so that's a bit mean isn't it And then I also said, I want to be buried in it so he could never, ever wear it.

11:22Alan Carr:So emotional and sensitive. You do cry a lot. You well up so easily. I know. I always remember the Nescafe advert because I used to cry adverts all the time. We used to now, weren't we, poor Anthony Head? No, it wasn't that one. Oh, okay. We still did. But not forgotten. So it was the one where it would go, put your hand up if we've not spoke for a while, people. And you'd go, you got time for a chat now? I'm well enough thinking about it now. It was so sad. It was like, oh, they've not seen each other for a long time and they're doing it over at Nescafe. For those of you listening, Lee is crying at a Nescafe advert from yesteryear.

12:09Alan Carr:Do you ever cry at the John Lewis one? Yes. Oh, give over. That's so cynical. No, not anymore. Oh, no, they're sponsoring my castle. They are the most beautiful ever.

12:24Alan Carr:You've got to keep that in. Keep that in. They are the most beautiful scenes I've ever seen. Nurturing and protective. Yes, you are. Strong, sometimes possessive protective spirit over partners and family. Oh, this is sadly true. Home body. Yeah, can't get you out the house. My house. It's just other people's houses. Yes, moody and reserved. I'm not moody. Yes, you are. Look at this. Oh, fuck off. Get out of here. Look at this. Due to the moon's influence, they may have sudden moods. My grandma said that. Back when I was moody as a kid, and this made me even more moody, my grandma would go, he's a werewolf, he's a werewolf, he's ruled by the moon.

13:15Alan Carr:That used to piss me off even more. No one wants, if you're in a mood, to be called a werewolf. Your nan said this. My grandma, we don't say nan. Was she a witch? Grandma Mavis. He's a werewolf, he's a werewolf. She would go, he's a werewolf, he's ruled by the moon. And then if I was in a mood, my mum would go, oh, it's a full moon tonight. really annoying but they do say because the moon dictates the tide we're 70 % water well we're not

13:47Alan Carr:so how do Gemini and Cancer get on we do get along very well how? Gemini is the thinker in the relationship and Cancer is the feeler well have I got some stories haven't I Doctor Octopus I can hand on heart you have never felt me thank you thank you for clearing that I mean I've never felt you up you've never felt me up and I've never felt you up no bottoms up

14:22Alan Carr:so we're back I can't believe they've allowed us back at the WSET School London and we're back here in lovely Bermondsey as well East London East London London. God bless us. It's nice here, south of the river, because that sometimes gets a bad rap, doesn't it? Londoners will go, oh, not going south of the river. Why did they say that? I don't know, it's a bit snobby, but Bermondsey's up and coming, gentrified. My friend Tara used to say, you know a place is getting gentrified when the gays start moving in. That was her quote. Really? Was she homophobic?

15:05Alan Carr:This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, sometimes, Lee, life can be a bit tough and you need someone to talk to, you know, offload. Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, I've got, I want to offload. There's something I want to, Lee, Lee. Sorry, what? I said sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to, to offload. Yes, I'm sorry about that. I got distracted. Yes, it is. And I will say therapy, being serious for a minute, changed my life because I was always one of them I got a therapist a few years ago and I was always one of those people who was like I don't need therapy nothing's wrong with me blah blah blah that was kind of sometimes the stigma I had and it was the best thing I did because even if you're not necessarily having a hard time it's just talking to someone there's nothing wrong with talking I think people just imagine you're gonna you're laying down like on a couch and talking in a darkest fear yeah it's talking it's like what we do on here yeah and that's why better help is good because what it does is it matches you to a qualified and experienced therapist that you can just have in your pocket basically whenever you feel like you need to talk and again sometimes it's the moments where you don't feel like you want to talk where they're the best ones they always talk about breakthroughs in therapy and that was the one for me I remember having a therapist when everything was going quite nice in my life and that was a really good time to kind of actually look at it from more of a bird's eye point of view, rather than being stuck in the whirlwind of stuff.

16:33Alan Carr:People also think stand-up comedians are miserable in real life, but you're just as funny off stage as you are on.

16:42Alan Carr:I just need to get better help now for... Deal with that comment. And I'm here. I'm here for you. The therapist would say, that's projection. Cheers. So if you're thinking about therapy, BetterHelp can help you make the first step. And they have over 30 ,000 therapists worldwide to help you through things like everyday stress or the bigger life challenges. Head to betterhelp.com forward slash bottoms up 10 to get 10 % off your first month. That's betterhelp.com forward slash bottoms up 10.

17:21Alan Carr:every week we love your dilemmas we love your queries we love all your questions not because we care but because we're nosy so true lee what's the dilemma well i will tell you this is from louise and ruby nice names always tell a lot ruby lovely name louise is dying out i would probably say as a name so is alan you know Oh, Alan. I've mentioned this before. Alan is like a white rhino. That's my brother, Gary. Oh, shit. Yeah, they're not. Alan and Gary. They're quite boring names. I was going to be Elaine if I was a girl. Oh, yeah. Well, I would have been Layla, which is my younger sister's name.

18:00Alan Carr:Yeah, Layla. Or Liam or Luke. We like the L's. Yeah. Eloise, Layla, Lee, Leslie. You're like the Kardashians of Grimsby. Yeah. And it? Yeah. Well, there's Carl as well. Does your mum have like a great ass? Oh, what an awful thought. So, let's move on to Louise and Ruby. Hi, Alan and Lee. My wife, Ruby, and I really love the chocolate block from South Africa. And we treat ourselves to a bottle now and again on special occasions. However, it's not cheap. At£27 a bottle, Louise, Ruby. and we were wondering whether there was a slightly cheaper alternative out there that would have the same great taste loving the show Lee you are carrying this single-handedly love Louise and Ruby that's so nice let's have a look at this oh this is Franchoc Syrah Grenache Cabernet Sauvignon yes Sinsult yes very good and Voynier yes Voynier So adding layers of complexity, this is a full-bodied South African red blend.

19:19Alan Carr:So let's start with the chocolate block. Why is it called a chocolate block? I'm not sure. Maybe because it's a bit chocolatey, maybe. Got a nice little chocolatey taste. On the palate, you've got dense core of black fruits, black currant, bramble and dark cherry wrapped in warm spice. What did you do? Nothing.

19:40Alan Carr:I will watch that back. So, let's have a taste of this. I don't know. What are you doing? What? Back at school. Oh, back at WSCT. What would Shane say? We don't want Shane to come in and start whipping us with his wine whip. I know. All right. Oh, I can see why they spend£27 on that. That's delish. Do you know what? It doesn't taste of chocolate, but you get an aroma, doesn't it? Dark chocolate. Do you get that? Which I learned as well when you're having read, dark chocolate is the best because, do you remember Helena said, the milk chocolate can affect the taste. I have learnt that. Do you know what ruins a red wine?

20:22Alan Carr:Have you ever had Skittles? The sweets? Yeah. Oh, the wine just changed. Well, why? I can't imagine you eating Skittles. Now they were there on the side, I must be the pig. I think, you know, oh, they're all Skittles. Oh, the wine, I just didn't even want to drink any more. I have a rule. They should give that to people who are trying to cut down. I have a rule. The doctor diagnoses you Skittles. I have a rule that some things you're too old to eat. Like my friend, no, like my friend Craig eats Milky Way stars. I consider you too old to eat them. Yeah, and also that Billy Bear. Billy Bear ham.

21:08Alan Carr:Billy Bear ham. If you're over what? What's the cutoff point? 6.15? 6.15? What? No. That was the age. 6.15? No, I wasn't saying there's a time you can't have Billy Bear ham after 6.15. I see someone eating a sandwich at 6.16. Half the curfew. Billy Bear Ham, nine. Nine, okay. Skittles, I dare say 17. No, they're an adult. No, they're not, they're not, they're not. You should not be eating Skittles. Milky Way? Milky Way. Finger of Fudge. Finger of Fudge is like 92. Old people like that, don't they? Yeah, yeah, like Werther's Original. That's fine, that's ageless. So, we've got... Sorry about that, Louise and Ruby, if you're still with us.

22:00Alan Carr:Chocolate box, it is lovely. I understand. £27 is spare neighbour for a treat, but let's try and see if we can save you money. Let's move on to Journey's End. Sir Lowry, Cabernet Sauvignon. The Lowry, lovely stuff, Sir Lowry. This is£15 from Waitrose. You've got a rich Bordeaux meets Rhone-style blend from Stellenbosch. In here, you've got your dark fruit, you've got spice, slightly smoky finished with black pepper and cocoa. Again, similar to chocolate block. Let's see how it varies. Now, already quite like the smell. We'll say that. A Cab Sav, you can't go wrong. Oh, that's nice. It's not as smoky as that chocolate block, is it?

22:46Alan Carr:No, but it is. Let's have another taste of the chocolate block. Yeah, but how much is this one? How much is the Cabernet Sauvignon? £15, so it's almost half the price. I think that's... Yeah. Okay, well, let's reserve judgment. We're not saying that's bad. the chocolate block, but for saving your money, that's almost the same. We could basically get two bottles of that as opposed to the one chocolate block. All right, really nice. Let's move on to the wolf trap. Okay, screw tap, screw top, but we know that's not a problem. It's not a problem, no. Screw tap or top is not a problem. Not letting you get away with that one.

23:25Alan Carr:So, I won't tell you how much this is. Oh, piss flaps. for the purpose of the listener. He's not annoyed over the price. He spilt it on the table. I won't tell you how much this is, but let's have a taste. So this is from the same winery as Chocolate Block, all right? And they say this is kind of Chocolate Block's sibling. It's a little bit more watery, I would say. It's not got the depth. Slight clack. You know, I hate clack. Oh my God, I got a message the other day from a listener Like I said, they're on holiday and they went to a vineyard and him and his husband apparently were just going, tasting wines, going, oh, nice, no clack.

24:09Alan Carr:It's the proudest thing I've ever thought. It's all about the clack. Oh, we should get merch. No clack. We're bringing sexy clack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back to clack. Clack to the future. Yeah. Clack to the future. Yes. Oh, dear. Okay, well, the Wolf Trap will set you back. Get me guess. I think that's the cheapest. I think£9.99. Really? Yeah. £11.50, but you are right at being the cheapest. It is the same winery, but less than half the price of the Chocolate Block. It is its more affordable, easier drinking sibling. What I will say is, it is a lot, it's got less depth. Chocolate Block, it's got less depth.

24:55Alan Carr:For those of you listening, Lee is choking. I was getting a bit of an indigestion. Emotional. No, I'm not getting it. I'm thinking of Nescafe again. God, such a sad advert. Chocolate block is a celebratory wine. But if you want to save a bit of money, which Louise and Ruby do. Sir Lowry, Journey's End Cabernet Sauvignon. Yeah, I would go for that. I would avoid the wolf trap because you're not going to get the depthness that they clearly like from a chocolate trap. If you're having the wolf trap, I would have a handful of skills just to give it a kick. Yeah. Brilliant. There you go. Ruby and Louise.

25:34Alan Carr:Cheers. Bottoms up. Bottoms up. Hey, it's Christy from Lululemon. I'm here at the office and we just dropped some really fun new summer colors in the Flow Y styles. If you're like me, you've loved the Flow Y tank and bra for years. And as of this year, it also comes in a dress and a crop tank. These are made in our buttery soft Nulu fabric, and my favorite part is the built-in bra. It makes it super easy to wear for yoga or honestly as an everyday basic. You can find Flow Y Styles in store or online at lululemon.com. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome?

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26:36Alan Carr:Joining us now is a woman who can spot a great bottle of wine before it even hits your Instagram feed. She's here to help us navigate the weird and wonderful world of wine. is Katie Lawton. Hello, Katie. Hi. But Katie, tell me, you love kava. You're the queen of kava. I love sparkling. Sparkling wine is what I drink the most. What is it about the bubbles? Do you know what? I've always liked fizzy drinks. Do you like sparkling water? Yeah, I love sparkling water. Do you like sparkling conversation? Bubbles, darling. So listen, what star sign are you in? Do you believe? Oh, let's guess. Because I'm quite good at star signs.