Choosing Quality Over Quantity: Jeannette on the Art of Saying No

0:09Hello and welcome back to the Human Revolutionaries show. I'm Blair Palmer. I'm a keynote speaker and author and I'm an expert in the future of work and the future of leadership. Now, first things first, if you want to talk to me about having me come and speak at your upcoming event, even if it's just very speculative and you want to brainstorm some ideas, just drop me a line. Best way to find me is on LinkedIn and I will put my contact details on the show notes for this show. And of course, you can go and visit my website, thatpeoplething.com. In this season of the show, I'm diving into the importance of health and well-being as an integral part of leadership.

0:58I am so struck when I go into organisations. Not that there isn't a desire amongst people to be healthy and fit and to make choices that will be good for them in the long term, but just how hard it is to do. the temptations of the food and the working hours and the presenteeism and then we end up with things like burnout and this kind of hard work mentality on top of people not being at their best physically we're not in the industrial age anymore we cannot treat people like they are machines that can just run and run and run and either never break or if they do break we discard them and we get new machines and that is one of the reasons that I wanted to talk to today's guest Jeanette Linfoot is a highly experienced corporate CEO turned entrepreneur.

2:08She has more than 30 years of experience and she's a mentor. She provides individuals and boards with strategic advice and all of that is backed by her brave, bold, brilliant ethos, helping them foster high performance and drive tangible results. she's a real powerhouse of a person and she has her own podcast I will again put links to this at the end of the show the brave bold brilliant podcast and it is exceptional and if you watch that or any of the content that she makes you will be really struck by her energy and her enthusiasm and her optimism. She's also deeply committed to diversity and inclusion and she champions initiatives like Balance the Board and Every Woman in Travel.

3:03Her podcast as I mentioned reaches audiences in more than 120 countries. I highly recommend it. She's a real thought leader and And she will really inspire you to have some of that bit of energy that she has and use that to make whatever it is that you're working on just incredible. However, there was a really important reason that I wanted to talk to her. She had a health scare, which by her own admission had a disproportionate effect on her approach to her health. Now, it wasn't hugely serious, although I think as she talks about it in the show, you'll understand that she didn't necessarily know that at the beginning.

3:51But it's what it taught her. She used that as an opportunity to have a long, hard look about what was driving her, about what mattered, about other people and her relationship to other people, who stepped up and supported, who disappeared, who ran for the hills. And in this interview, she's really honest and frank about all of that. She'll talk about the vital importance of a team and building relationships. She talks about gratitude and why she prioritises her habits, even when she doesn't feel like she needs to or even when she doesn't really feel in the mood. And she talks about busyness. One of the things that she'll talk about is just because you're busy doesn't mean you're effective.

4:45And I think at some level we all know that, but we still are almost addicted to busyness. So I don't want to give too much away, but I highly recommend you listen to this so that you maybe can avoid having such a massive wake up call yourself. Let's go to the interview.

5:07Jeannette:So it's fantastic to see you and you are looking very well. You feel as well as you look. I am but I am back wearing makeup Blair you know so when you when you have a period of not being very well the last thing you think about is putting your face on but of course how often do we do that you know especially us girls um so yeah I am back wearing makeup back having my hair sorted and all the rest of it so not scaring small children anymore Blair thankfully I would have to be very ill not to put any makeup on that that is the just one of those things with me I was raised with a mum who always did something and uh yeah so I know plenty of women that don't but um yeah you would know that I was very ill if I hadn't done anything yeah yeah you should have seen me a month or so ago then then you would have known I mean what a lovely way in to talk about this because you know you have you've written about this and done a podcast about this yourself um but I was really struck when you did a post on LinkedIn just talking about how unwell you'd been and then you followed up with the show and everything um and how that had led you to really rethink the ways that you were living the ways you were working and I just thought you know the last thing we want is for people to have to get very very sick before that they assess but you've been on that journey so I just thought it was amazing would be amazing for us to talk about that so maybe you can explain a little about what how you were and then what happened when you got sick sure yeah no it's a really interesting topic isn't it because I think we all think we're invincible and if you're an ambitious person which you know I am I think you are as well you know the temptation is it's always go go go isn't it you know it's on to the next thing and and that's of course is what helps us be successful you know that drive that push to to want to be more to give more to make a bigger impact so there's a real positive to that but I think in any situation an overused strength becomes a weakness as well right and I think what happened with me um whilst I was very fortunate because you know I had my gallbladder removed and various things um going on with my liver not working probably because of a blocked bioduct it actually wasn't anything major you know in the context because you always think oh with the big c don't you know cancer or anything like that so but what it ended up having was a disproportionate effect on me in a way considering it wasn't anything life-threatening in the end in the end um but certainly yeah a bit of a full stop really Blair so you know I was you know very busy running um our multiple businesses traveling the world got a lot of international clients you know and loving life actually I genuinely love what I do professionally um so you know it's not it's not a chore as such but it's in my nature to always probably overstretch myself actually and and to always do more um and and I do think that when you have um a sickness or something comes along it is often stress related you know so anything like gallstones and stuff yes okay it's been related to diet but I never have I don't have a high fat diet you know and I exercise I do a lot of things right um but the one thing that I would say is you know just this constant pressure and stress that I put on myself often to just do more and be more so very very busy um and then yeah I got really bad stomach aches back aches for about a month.

9:00I got misdiagnosed by the GP and then ended up having to go into sort of an

9:05Jeannette:emergency walking clinic when I was in London for meetings. And then the doctor there diagnosed I think you've got gallstones. I think you've got a blocked bile duct because you're jaundice. So I was very yellow, yellow eyes, all of that. So your liver's not working and you need to get in hospital. And I was like, oh, okay, then. And he said, you have two choices, either Kingston hospital or if you want to be closer to home in Wales then you need to figure out how you're going to get back so I then maybe not the most sensible thing I did Blair but I then drove for four I was on my own so I drove for four hours back to Swansea and then met my husband in A &E and then the process started really but as I say very very fortunate that you know I actually wasn't anything been too serious and and you know I got a good result in the end and you know everything was dealt with and I'm much better now but it made me stop and think so I mean it doesn't surprise me at all that in that frame of mind you would jump in the car and say I can get myself I can get myself back um but I also wonder you know and I'm very similar to you in the in the way that I you know I'm very productive I like to be busy I am you know I get into deep focus with what I'm doing and like to jump from thing to thing as well that you know just to to keep my mind going I've set up all sorts of projects to do in downtime that I've got coming up you know I'm like that can't just sit around on the sofa or have been like that I should say but and if someone said clear your schedule I would find that impossible but you were forced to clear your schedule so how did you I mean you have to when you're going to be in hospital how did you actually go about creating space to be sick when you hadn't been able to find space yeah really good question I mean having a team helps right having a really you know a great team around you um so you know it was really i give this advice all the time blair to to people that you know clients and businesses and exec boards that i work with you know i always say look at the four d's what are you going to ditch what are you going to delegate what are you going to delay and what are you going to do um but it's always easy to give the advice to other people but when you have to do it yourself it's a little bit harder but that was the core principle really you know just taking a look at everything going right i'm going to be out of action for at least two to four weeks so you know what needs to be just taken out of the calendar completely and maybe never go back in actually if I was doing some stuff that wasn't essential or value adding um what could we push back you know so that the team really did a great job at sort of rescheduling some stuff and you know speaking with clients I have one of my big clients is Accor Hotels are a big French listed business got five and a half thousand hotels so I work with them and they're at board level and I had a big mastermind coming up with them with their board um but I just couldn't do it you know and thankfully you know where you have great relationships with clients with customers when you explain I mean they were brilliant and just said absolutely focus on getting well so with that one you know I did choose who do I need to send a personal message to because I was able to you know to kind of jump on and whatsapp or send an odd email but I tried to keep that to a minimum and really prioritize those high high profile really important clients especially when I was letting someone down um and then the team really really kind of galvanized and and it really made them stronger actually as well because they had to pull together and I'm really lucky because my husband Chris was amazing and kind of dealt with all the personal personal things that you need you know um but yeah you just have to be really really rigorous um but try to deal with it fast up front um and so it wasn't a day-by-day thing it was like no let's clear minimum the next two weeks but let's also clear the two weeks after that if we can as well so yeah that was the approach that that I took with the team I mean there's so much I want to pick up on there you know the the first that people stepped up including clients were amazing and you know I think we sometimes think that they won't that that clients don't care how you are and that your team aren't capable or that they it's too much to ask it often comes from kindness rather than they're not good it's just oh I wouldn't want to put this on them and yet you're saying that it was good for your team and I wonder if it was even good for the relationship with the clients yeah yeah I think so I mean at the end of the day you know we're all human beings aren't we we're all perfectly imperfect and I think when you connect with someone whether it's someone on your team whether it's a friend a colleague or a client on a human level and you show a bit of vulnerability and and the reality is the reality right in that situation I was in um actually I think it it provides a deeper connection um for sure and and at the end of the day people genuinely want the best for you and especially if you've nurtured that relationship for some time and it hasn't just been I try not to just have a transactional relationship with with people and teams that I work with you know and and for me that that works really well because business it is emotional it is about relationships and people it's not just about the numbers and the finance and the p &l and the cash flow and the balance sheet and all those good things that we need to have but it is normally mainly about people um and I think that was something that you know really paid really paid off for me and I was you know very touched actually by just how how everyone did respond and was very accommodating and you know and then we were back in full force as soon as I could be um and back on track you know so how long was it two to four weeks or did it take a bit longer um it was well I would say I was in hospital for 10 days so let's say yeah roughly two weeks and then I was I had a force no work no driving for two weeks no lifting for six weeks um because of you know the surgery and stuff and um so yeah it was definitely four weeks but I would say I was still tired you know even after that and and I'd say I'd said I said to Chris my husband I was like I don't know why I'm so tired I'm still really tired you know I'm past the you know the two week period I should be back full of beans so I just had to listen to my body and you know I was sleeping like 10 hours I mean I never sleep 10 hours but you just go your body's telling you you need to sleep and recover um because whatever's going on inside is still healing you know you it's only a gallbladder you can function very well without a gallbladder but you do have that organ for a reason you know and your body's got to adjust hasn't it so I think I had to be a lot more and patient with myself I would probably say for about a month yeah a month after the surgery yeah and at what point did you start reflecting that maybe you would want things to be different after than they were before um I would say while probably while I was in hospital for sure because you know you can only have so many visiting times and you know there's a lot of lying down looking at the ceiling isn't there you know um so definitely while I was in hospital um and also I think the other thing about being in hospital is that you're surrounded by other people that aren't very well as well obviously you know you're all there for a reason and unfortunately some of those people that I was in an award with you know had far more serious conditions than I did you know liver cancer pancreatic cancer so when you're faced with that I was just feeling incredibly grateful that mine wasn't actually something like that full of empathy and sympathy for you know for the families and for for the people you get to know quite well actually when you're in close proximity on the wall you do there's no secrets that curtain doesn't block any of the noise everyone knows everyone's bodily functions and what's going on but um yeah just really made me feel really grateful um but a realization that I was lucky and it could easily have been something something more so don't just brush this off as if it's nothing um so in hospital and then I would probably say when I was when I got back home because of course you're in your home environment you know you're lying on the sofa under a blanket, you know, trying really hard not to get the laptop out, and get on the phone.

18:05Jeannette:And I was really, I was quite proud of myself, actually, for not jumping into things too soon. But yeah, and then that kind of reflection really just continued. And yeah, it was really helpful, quite cathartic, but also uncovered, revealed some things about myself and also about other people as well and what's important in life etc so yeah bit of a bit of a sort of self-counseling therapy session as well through that period I would say yeah what did you realize about yourself some of the things that that you noticed that maybe weren't weren't working for you anymore yeah I was I was I was reflecting a lot on why you know why why am I doing this why am I going at a million miles an hour why is it that it's never good enough why am I so hard on myself you know so there was a little bit of you know really honing in on the why and purpose and I'm I'm pretty clear on why why I exist in this world but still I think to kind of revisit some of that and go well actually you know there's a few areas there where you you've blown off track you know so that was one of the things to sort of reconnecting with what was really important and you know in all honesty unless you until you have something go wrong health wise I think we take it for granted I take my health I've taken my health for granted for granted I mean I work I eat well I exercise you know I all the all the good stuff so I do pay a lot of attention to my mind set my mental well-being and my physical well-being I always have, but it just brought it home that much more that actually the rest is irrelevant.

19:52Jeannette:You know, you might strive for, you know, a big house or another client or X numbers that you want in your bank account. But ultimately, if you're not well enough to enjoy it or even worse, you're facing, you know, an end of the road, then what's going to happen afterwards? So what? What's it all for? So there was a lot of that, a lot of that. Yeah. So do you think you would have done that thinking if you hadn't been ill and if you hadn't had that time? Probably not, in all honesty. In all honesty. I mean, I'm quite a, what's the word? I'm quite a thoughtful person. I don't mean thoughtful in terms of other people.

20:40Jeannette:I mean, you know, I will reflect a lot and I, you know, I practice meditation and visualize it. I mean, I'm into all that kind of, you know, well-being and growth mindset stuff. So I'm quite open minded in that sense. But I don't think I would have I would have really had so much soul searching, which is which sounds ridiculous. because you go you only had your gallbladder out Jeanette you're being all dramatic here you know and that's why I say it had a disproportionate effect on me considering it wasn't anything life-threatening so I'm not some prima donna that's kind of you know a shrinking violet or anything and I very much acknowledge that you know some of the stuff I'm talking about all that came to me was quite a big big revelations in a way considering I wasn't facing you know death's door thankfully but next time I might be yeah yeah and it sounds to me like you took the opportunity you know that my experience of this kind of thing is that the opportunity to learn a lesson or to grow in some way comes around quite frequently but you keep missing it and and then it hits a certain level of pain where you notice the lesson as for the opportunity to learn so there probably were other opportunities earlier but they were easy enough to reject and then there'll be other people for whom something like a gallbladder still wouldn't be enough for them to think differently they actually need it to be desperately serious for them to get the message so but one of the things I'm hearing is you know whenever we're told about how to take care of ourselves you were doing so many of those things anyway so somebody might look at it and say well hang on a minute I mean I don't meditate I don't eat right I don't go to the gym I don't work out I'm not you know I'm a bit overweight whatever and yet she did all that and it's still it she still got ill I mean of course there's nothing you can do to prevent yourself and it's absolutely guarantee you're not going to be getting ill but how do you level up from there then if you're already doing a lot of the things that people are advised to do when they get sick where do you take well yeah it's a really it's sorry to interrupt i think it's it's an interesting point isn't it because i i guess we're all where we are you know what i mean we all have a standard don't we you know i i listen a lot to tony robbins and stuff like that and if you listen to tony robbins he talks about you know you you kind of whatever your standard is is where you will be but as you progress whether it's in life in business relationships whatever you know a lot a lot of the time we get to a certain point and then we raise our standard don't we so what we did before was no longer enough or or not enough for what you want to be or become through the process so I think that's probably what happened to me you know almost for me my base level you know it might be very different to someone else's base level someone that's a really you know athletic person their level of fitness will be 10 times better than mine you know is but that's their standard because that's where they are so I think it's wherever you wherever you are do whatever you can to look after your mental and your physical well-being now for some people that might just be starting by I don't know going walking around the block for 15 minutes a day that might be that but it's a start and that's great and then that becomes your norm and then the next time it might be oh well actually I won't do 50 minutes maybe I'll do half an hour today you know so I think that's the lesson for us all is just this constant sort of progress as human beings in whatever it is really um because we're all perfectly imperfect aren't we do you know what I mean I think that's right and I think you know there's always there's always something there's always a next step and And as long as you're doing a little bit better than you were, then you're going to get some benefits.

24:46So it isn't necessary, I think, to do all the things all at once. And I wonder if sometimes that's what goes wrong. You know, somebody that said they have a health scare or someone close to them has a health scare and it's a bit of a wake up call. And then they say, right, from now on, I'm going to eat right. and I'm going to track my protein, I'm going to go to the gym, and I'm going to walk 10 ,000 steps a day, and I'm going to drink two litres of water. And, of course, they can't sustain it. It takes a huge amount of time. It's a completely different way of living. And then, of course, they're dragged back to old habits, and whatever it was catches up with them again.

25:27Jeannette:Yeah, and I think that's it. Start small, isn't it, really? Start with something that's achievable, you know, and then once you've got that then you can layer something else on so you know if you're doing good on the hydration and you you're happily drinking you know four liters of water whatever it is a day then great you know maybe introduce a bit more fruit into your diet or whatever it is so I think I think you're right sometimes as human beings you know we set ourselves up to fail and failing isn't a bad thing right failing is when you're learning um but I think what happens is it's the comparison to others that sometimes then puts us under immense pressure to be this perfect person with this perfect lifestyle and social media doesn't help right and we all know that what goes out on social media whilst it can be an amazing tool to help people and share content it also presents a version of a life that is often not real or not not really the whole truth and I think that is the challenge when you compare yourself to others and you're worrying about what will other people think what will other people say that's dangerous you've got to you know do what's right for you focus on your getting your own house in order and start small but get into those regular habits and routines so that you do it automatically you know so over time that good habit just becomes part of who you are you know as opposed to being a gargantuan effort because willpower in my experience will only get you so far and it doesn't last so you know i think if you can bring these things into your daily routine it's going to help you but start small but you know be consistent and then once you've nailed that part maybe add a little bit of something else in you know yeah and I think it can be a real risk this kind of over committing for people who are quite high performance in the way that they do everything else in their life and and so well I you know I'm the sort of person that goes at things 100 % so now I'm going to go up my health 100 % and actually that's not the revelation that you had the revelation that you had which I'm I would love you to talk about now is actually much more about slow down and recovery so what what did you decide to do differently I mean you you tapped back into your sense of purpose from a lifestyle day-to-day perspective what did you decide to do differently so you wouldn't just go back to being the person you had been before yeah a couple of things I think um I I say no to a lot more things I think as human beings we tend to normally come from a good place but you know we don't often want to upset people or let people down so I would always I'd over commit I'd say yes to stuff when really I either deep down didn't really want to do it or I was doing it out of supposed kindness for the other person to not upset them but the reality is you can't control anyone's emotions right so i definitely sort of saying no to more things in a kind way in a nice way and actually recognizing that less is more and i if i do fewer things but i do them better ironically we'll end up with better results anyway both personally and professionally so really sort of sifting through the noise and going no I'm not going to go to that event or I'm not going to go and do a pro bono speech at that that that you know dinner and that's okay to say no actually in a nice way so I've definitely sort of reassessed what's important in that sense prioritize the the things I'm really going to focus in on and double down on and clear clear the space and recognize that less is more because I was always in danger of thinking that no I've got to do more more more well actually by doing more you're actually doing less because you're spreading yourself too thin and I'm guilty of that yeah and and have you noticed then that by by being more selective the quality has has increased you notice yeah definitely definitely Definitely.

29:56Partly because of clarity of thinking, you know, because if you're trying to, you know, multitask a million things and other, you know, whereas if you're focused and you're in the moment and you're centred and you know exactly why you're doing something and what you're

30:11Jeannette:hoping to achieve personally or professionally, you know, your brain is more efficient, right? Because you're focusing on that one thing at that point of time. So that alone is going to get you a better result. but then also I think you know realizing what the what's going to give you the biggest impact what's going to really give you the biggest impact and the biggest joy you know because if you're not enjoying what you're doing I mean I'm at an age now Blair where you know gone are the days when I need to work with people that I don't enjoy working with I mean I spent most of my career in the corporate life and a corporate world as a CEO and I love my career but you're not in control of everything that you have to do you know you have to work with some right idiots at times or you have to compromise a lot whereas when it's your own business of course you do it in the right way but you get to choose get to choose a lot more about who you spend time with who you don't which clients you take on where you think you can add most value where you're going to enjoy you know the ride as much as possible so yeah i think being more selective um and also about how who I spend time with outside of professional life you know yeah and I wonder you know if someone's listening and they do work in that corporate world and they are in that senior place of course they they do have the potential to say this isn't right for me anymore for these reasons yeah so have the potential to say if it's not right for me here maybe it's not right for a lot of people and maybe it's my job to do something about that so that their sort of wake up call then has them look a bit harder at what they've what they're part of yeah they completely yeah yeah definitely and and you know as I love my career I had an amazing corporate career I was never one of those all sack your boss and you know all that business not at all I just reached a different part of my life and I wanted to go out and do my own thing but I was very grateful and felt thankful for the roles I had.

32:15Jeannette:But you do have to put with a lot of corporate bullshit as well, right, through it. You just do. But here's the thing. I think, one, there's always a choice. There's always a choice, whether you stay in a bad relationship or a terrible marriage or you stay in a job that you hate, or, you know, that Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening feeling of dread, oh, God, Monday morning. You know, I mean, if you're feeling like that for a long, you know a sustained period of time it's a choice and you might kid yourself and say oh no well I need the money I've got financial this and yeah okay that's fine but you have a choice whether to stay there and to do nothing is also a choice right so I think um you're right there's sometimes it's just it was great at the time and now I'm ready for something different you know it's not always might not always have been bad you know or not not quite your thing but you're right and I think there's an element of as well as be the change you want to see you know so if you're bitching and moaning about other people and you're playing the victim and this that and the other no you know take control take accountability for your own life and and for the environment you create around you for other people if you're passionate about something diversity equity whatever it whatever it might be if you're passionate about i don't know gardening or you've got a love for something that you've never pursued don't want a life of regret do you oh i wish i had what could have been you only got one life and now that's the thing when you get ill you realize you've got one life you don't know how long it's going to be could be a short journey ahead or it could be a long one you just don't know so spend every day as much as you can possibly doing something that you love if you can mainly or at least half like yes people that you like even if you don't like the thing that you're doing like yeah about it yeah but don't kid yourself that you don't have a choice don't kid yourself that you know you're it's everyone else's fault or you're staying in this because of xyz no no no it's your life you're responsible for what you do with it how you spend your time and and everyone has a choice in every situation right yeah there's a um there's a saying in fact one of my clients told me this because he had experienced quite a lot of um loss in his life in the previous few years and and so he shared me with me this saying that when you're on your deathbed you come face to face with the person you could have been in your life and oh my gosh that struck us both because in that moment it is too late to do anything about it so you either think yeah you come face to face with who you could have been you were that person you're going out feeling like yes I I can live I I in a sense I could live with that or I could die with that you come face to face with who you could have been and you realize you didn't you didn't suck the marrow out of it you didn't live authentically you didn't prioritize the things that when it comes to it really matters and I find that maybe that is what getting sick does uh to an extent is if it puts you into that it allows you to maybe access that moment and just say if it was now how would I feel about it and I now actually do have the opportunity to do something different and yeah is that where one of the things I've heard you talk about before is your gratitude practice that's far more significant for you now talk us through what that what that looks like yeah so I mean gratitude you can practice gratitude it's um it's hard to be pissed off and grateful at the same time it's almost impossible right your brain just can't compute right it's hard to be angry it's almost impossible to be angry and grateful right at the same time you can't so so in the morning for me I have a very strict morning routine this isn't a recent thing I've always I've done this for many many years um and it's my version of the miracle morning so if anyone has read the book miracle morning by Hal Elrod it's a very little skinny read but highly recommended because it will might just set you up in a different way to start your day and the concept is you know how you start your day kind of sets you up really um so i fiercely protect my first hour and a half of the day i'm very selfish about it um and one of the things i do in the morning is i do this um sort of uh oh what do you call it it's like it's not breath of fire but it's basically breathing out through your nostrils 30 times a very strong breathing like this this kind of breathing and at the end of each set I do 30 of them at the end of each set I think what am I grateful for today and it might be something big it might be something small you know doesn't matter whatever it is and then I do that three times so one it kind of is quite a powerful way of breathing two it makes me stop at the end of each set of 30 and just really just spend like 30 seconds and I'm really grateful you know and sometimes there's some regular things I'm grateful for um and and it just it just helps me calm my myself and then I do my visualization you know I do I do my affirmations I always do my exercise you know not always but most days 90 % of the time because sometimes you know we can't always do it but yeah and then I'm ready to go I am good for my day and I'm feeling fired up but here's the thing Blair there are mornings when I don't feel like doing any of this lots of mornings but i kind of force myself to and i always feel better afterwards and even if you haven't got you might not have an hour in the morning you might be a you know busy working mum or dad and you know you're trying to get the kids out the door but even if you can find five minutes just for yourself to sit in silence think about what you're grateful for today maybe do a little bit of you know deep breathing calm yourself down and then off you go you know what whatever's good for you really um but that's definitely something that's helped me over the years because as i say there's always something to be grateful for even in the darkest of times you know i'm i am so grateful i got sick i'm so grateful it's really weird to say well you know i'm really grateful i got sick and i had an operation and it forced me to stop and i couldn't run my business in businesses for like you know for nearly a month I had to you know let people down during that time I'm really great that's a weird thing to say like most people I'm really grateful that I got sick but I am I am because it's given me a whole new perspective level of understanding about who I am but also what's important and and how people have stepped up or not yeah yeah I think it's very interesting to see how how other people respond and to be grateful I mean there's a couple of things that came up for me so firstly I have a morning routine but I also have an evening routine and the evening routine is well part of it is gratitude and I write down three things that I appreciate about the day and to be honest with you sometimes one of the appreciations is I'm glad that's over right like it's a small thing but sometimes that's only one of the only three things I can think of but I've been doing this now for a couple of years and I have found that it's become easier and easier to be to be grateful and I'm only meant to write three things down because I can get a bit competitive with myself and say before yesterday let's see if I can think of five before you know it it's a sort of four hour thing um but but I tried to stick to three or four um but I could write a lot more and at the beginning I couldn't I was struggling so I do think that it changes somehow the wiring of your brain then you start to notice more and more things to be grateful for and then that changes your your experience of your life yeah completely and it might be the tiniest of things you know you know I don't know I'm really grateful I can sit out on the balcony with a cup of tea and it had the sun's shining today or I'm really grateful that I got out of bed without a pain in my left knee today or do you know what I mean it can be the simplest of things can't it you know for some people you know them pushing themselves might be you know just getting out the front door that day or getting dressed or getting showered you know so we're not I think sometimes as you said at the beginning you know we it doesn't all have to be you don't always have to be striving for you know the hitting the moon or the stars you know not everyone not everyone wants to be a business leader an owner a seat not everyone wants that and that's fine isn't it but whatever it is for you um so i think yeah it's a nice thing you can do and it's and i think the other thing is that a lot of people will think that doing this kind of thing is really selfish but yeah it's selfish spending a lot of time in the morning on yourself well look at you blair at the end of the day you know don't you think your family might need you or someone else want would like a bit of your time and attention well no it's the most important it's not selfish to be selfish to be selfish is it you know it's it's actually the most important thing you can do because if you're not in good shape how can you be the best for your loved ones and the people around you you know so I think sometimes especially maybe more female I think women especially you know we pile on the guilt and oh I'll do this no and this that and the other and I haven't got time for me well actually you're doing everyone else a disservice if you don't take care of yourself yeah for sure and like you've already said you know your your the quality of your work has gone up the the quality of the relationships in part because of being vulnerable in that at that time has improved and deepened um I certainly find the appreciation helps me be a better mum because it is an opportunity to reflect and then to to have another go tomorrow you know yeah so I yeah I I think it's essential somebody might be listening to this and thinking okay you know this is this is fine and Jeanette had the wake-up call and whatever but I'm fine I'm strong enough to take this pace I'll rest when I'm dead very common thing here I'll sleep when I'm dead yeah what would you say to them based on what you've learned I would say you can't assume anything you might be in really good shape you might think you're in really good shape physically mentally one you don't know what's going on inside so often this is hidden because you know adrenaline as well you know adrenaline energy that's great because it galvanizes you pushes you forward you know and all of that but it can you don't know what's impact that's having internally as well so and i think if you assume that you're this strong robust resilient person you know you may come unstuck so and and i would come back to why why are you doing the stuff you're doing you know what are you trying to prove you know is it is it genuinely for the right reasons or are you driven by something else or someone else or fear of failure or fear of letting people down or fear of just you know what is it that's driving you and is it ego you know we all have egos everyone has an ego um you know but I'd come back to the why and and yeah are you really clear and actually you know are you really being as effective or are you just a busy fool because you might be busy you're cramming your day with stuff but is it the right things yeah you know so i would just i think i think we're all i think it's i would say always better to change before you have to yeah in business or in anything right you know you don't really want to have that burning platform and if you can actually do something to get a better balance and i think someone that says oh yeah you know i am a 5am club and i'm an early bird so i am i am a 5am person but some people wear it like a badge of honor don't they like that to and then other people go god i'm terrible in the morning you know it's almost like this shame of of not being a morning person but you know whatever your energy whenever you're you're kind of good at a certain time of day but i think let it not be driven by ego um let it be let yourself be driven by the right things for the right reasons and and final question really you know are you tempted because now you're feeling well you're back to work and you're looking incredible and you know got lots of stuff going on how do you stop yourself or is it tempting to slip back to over committing saying yes to too many things losing track of the purpose what it's really all about and and how when you are tempted or when you do find yourself slipping how do you pull yourself back oh it's massively tempting I mean you know you can't fundamentally completely change the kind of person you are you know if you've always been a driven person that takes on a lot and you enjoy what you do as well you kind of get the get the rush of everything you want to be the best and help as many people as possible you know so I think there's it's all it will always be something I have to constantly work on I don't think I will ever not have that that in me but what I try to do now is I try to take myself back as a little reminder and go remember how how bad you were and it helps the right people around you you know my husband Chris is is amazing he'll say you're in danger of doing it again you know that don't you and I'll be like oh yeah yeah you're right so so I think it's always good to have people in in your corner that will not take your bullshit and will call you out as well if you find you are going off track but I think as much as possible you know to really um think each day what am I focusing on today why am I doing it is it the right things am I getting sucked into other people's kind of agenda rather than what's important for me and my team and my business and life and family etc so yeah I think it's constant work in progress it's a bit like imposter syndrome as well you know self-belief I have to constantly work on that it doesn't go away you get better at it but I every every day I have to work on self-belief I have to say come on you can do this every day you know so and and yet some people will go really I can't believe that and I'll go yeah yeah it's like it's like an athlete they have to train don't they they have to do all this stuff all the time otherwise you you know you can easily slip back so but I think also just be kind to yourself if you find that you are slipping tomorrow's another day get back on track you know it's fine but have a have an honest conversation because you know the easiest person to lie to is yourself right yeah yeah I mean I really love this idea that you've got at least one person around you and probably more than one that will give you honest feedback I've got lots I've got lots i'm very lucky i've got incredible people and friends and you know family and loved ones and stuff and uh that helps doesn't it especially if you're having a wobble you know who you can pick the phone up to and who's going to get you and be able to you'd be able to sort of just say i'm having a bit of a bad day or i'm i'm going off track i think you know to have those people in your life is so important isn't it yeah and i guess you know one of the things you know people are listening to this and thinking well what could i do if you don't have that then that might be a priority how how can you create what do you need to show to people some of the maybe vulnerability some of what you need from others so that they have that opportunity because you said some people stepped up and some people didn't and and knowing who will when you admit you need some help or support a bit of feedback who steps up that's so important yeah definitely and also you know for the people that maybe do the bare minimum and sort of and so some people let you down some people are amazing and far more supportive than you could ever have hoped for and some people just kind of do do do the minimum and often that can be a little bit of a oh right okay that's interesting you're revealing yourself to me at a time when I really do need actually some a bit more TLC and love and care and you're not really you know fully showing up but that in itself then allows you to think about that relationship right you know what and it's not about blaming other people it's around sort of taking ownership and going okay interesting you know i can't control that i can't influence that really so let them do what they're gonna do but then let let me well my what's my response to that I can control how I think about how I feel about it what actions I might take um you know so I think it's it does allow you to reassess your relationships um as well yeah I mean if there's one thing I'm taking away from this conversation it is that that the thing that you have mentioned in lots of different guises which is well I'm not responsible for that for them or for what but I am responsible I can take responsibility for this and if I don't that's my that's a choice that I have made and really really sort of owning that I think that that is so healthy and that taking some time and having some space to do that thinking is the only time that is the only opportunity if you're so busy and maybe this is why people keep themselves busy but if you're so busy you haven't got time to think then you haven't got time to ask yourself those questions yeah you need to create that space don't you and see what might appear without forcing it I think that's the thing if you've got time and you're just staring out the window with no agenda and nothing to no call to take no meeting to be in and you're just there on your own that's what I do in the morning you know that time in the morning and let's see what comes you know we'll see what appears in my in my brain but it's a bit like you know if you've got your your cupboards a jam-packed full of clothes and you'd buy more clothes, you're trying to ram them in, there's no space.

51:09Jeannette:You've got to have a clear-out, haven't you, now? And it's the same with your mind, I think. You've got to have a clear-out to see what might come. Love that. This has been a fantastic conversation. Thank you so much. Oh, you're welcome, Blair. Thank you for having me on. I really hope you've enjoyed this episode of Brave Bold Brilliant. Remember, check out our new website, www.brave-bold-brilliant.com. You're going to find loads of resources on there that's going to help you with your leadership journey and with the businesses that you're trying to scale up and grow. So take care, everyone. And remember, there are no limits to your growth, but it is by being brave and bold that you're going to unlock your brilliance.