Why Women Over 40 Need To Rethink Health, Fitness & Success | Terry Tateossian

28:21Terry Tateossian:So our childhood kind of determines those leftover lingering lingering ghosts of thoughts that keep coming up because that need is not being met. And so I started listening to all the things I had to say. I started consoling them, telling them it's okay. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to abandon you. I know you've been abandoned before. Seeing them, really seeing them truly being seen, um, helped a lot. Just listening, right? And I know, I know the narrative out there, social media, social narrative is positive thoughts only block the negative thoughts. Don't think bad things. Well, okay.

29:08Terry Tateossian:Well, that didn't work for me. I'm sorry. Right. I had to, I had to listen to all those things because I spent so many years ignoring myself that it was backfiring now because nobody was on board. None of them were on board with anything I wanted to do because I never listened to anything that they needed. I didn't provide. I didn't take time to get to know those parts, to heal those parts. Right. And so that's what that was my approach. And it worked. So this is fascinating, I think, Terry, because as you're talking, you know, I think I talk a lot about, you know, a voice, a little gremlin that we all have in our head that's kind of saying, you're not good enough or you're going to get found out.

29:54And I think men suffer from it as well, but women, I think more so, you know, that little imposter syndrome, whatever you want to call it. And when I've thought about that in the past, I've thought of it as in singular form, right? That's a voice that we need to, you know, say, be quiet, give it a name. I call mine Doris. Shut up, Doris, you know. So as an identity but I've thought of it as one one one voice but actually what you've described there is sort of multiple personas within you and some people listen to this might think oh my god Terry's completely lost the plot she's she's she's wacko right but I sounds like it yeah yeah yeah yeah but but I get it I understand what you're saying but I've never thought about that whole concept of multiple versions, multiple personas within ourselves.

30:47And I think that is super powerful. But you kind of came up with this yourself. So before you had great help when you lost all the weight the first time round. But this was a concept that you just sort of that came to you, was it through your own self-discovery and the approach you've taken has been very homegrown, would you say, in that in that perspective? Or have you been inspired by other people that have seen the world through this lens as well?

31:12Terry Tateossian:So this is how it actually came to me through my children. So I started to know, because, you know, when you have toddlers and babies and preteens and teenagers, and now they're, you know, a little bit older, you notice a lot of these behaviors and these reactions, right? No, I'm not doing that, right? And so, like, it's like, oh, I was like, so how do you deal with a toddler having a tantrum? So you learn, you know, hopefully you learn how to take care of their needs. And I started noticing the same reactions that I was having internally. I was like, wait a minute, you're acting like a three-year-old, right?

31:54Terry Tateossian:And then it dawned on me, oh my gosh, that's exactly what I'm doing. Yeah. Right. But I'm doing it internally because we're, I'm 40 years old. Obviously it's not going to manifest out into the world, me acting like a toddler, but internally that's how I was feeling. right so I was having the same feelings that my three-year-old had I just have social conditioning not to act upon it right and so I I was I started playing these little cute little funny games with myself and and and you know naming the feeling of how the toddler was feeling and so I was like and how it works it worked you know first couple of times I did it I was like you know but then you keep recognizing that part of you that is in there, it's in there.

32:46Terry Tateossian:Just because we're 40 doesn't mean we don't feel like teenagers sometimes, right? And there's some people that still act like teenagers out there, right? Yeah, yeah. And actually, sometimes we don't want to lose that playfulness and that, you know, that inner child that we have can be a beautiful thing, can't it? But in the case where it's actually destructive, and it's stopping you moving on with your life and, you know, everything that's going on with the weight, et cetera, and the confidence, then obviously that is different than just being playful, right? You nailed it. You nailed it. You nailed it, right?

33:21Terry Tateossian:Right there. That was the key. I did not want to kill those versions of myself because although sometimes they would have tantrums, they are wonderful. They're so wonderful to keep and to nurture them and not to bury them in the past, but help them heal so they can integrate into who you are today. So you don't lose your playfulness, your curiosity, your love, your pure love of things so that you don't become cynical so that you feel hopeful for the future. And then good things are going to happen because you have so much to look forward to, right? So they're actually part of that process of becoming that type of person.

34:09Terry Tateossian:So if you try to kill the toddler and shut them up and get rid of them, you're not just getting rid of the bad part you don't like about them, right? You're getting rid of the entire way of being, right? The entire way of being, of being lovable and loving and cute and funny and all those things and discovering things for the first time and being open to new experiences, right? For a toddler, everything is new in the world, right? And so you don't want to lose that flavor, that vibe, that energy as you get older, but we do because we kill the entire persona because we don't like the tantrums. Yeah.

34:56Terry Tateossian:Throw the baby out with the bathwater. Absolutely. I didn't want that. I didn't, I didn't want to do that. So, so, so Terry, where you see yourself now as a, you know, if we, if we, so a huge journey and obviously the weight, the weight for you was one aspect that kind of played out in, in a big way in your life. And as you said, perimenopause as well. So we know that, you know, some of the symptoms often can be weight gain when we're going through menopause. I'm 54 in a couple of weeks, so I'm a few years ahead of you. And, you know, it is tough, actually. I mean, I think menopause now is talked about a lot more, which is a good thing.

35:39But it's still a little bit of demystifying menopause and not using it as sometimes as almost an excuse, right? where we can say oh well I'm just menopausal or oh you must be menopausal today because you're being a real bitch you know and it can get thrown around can't it as well so I think we have to be a little bit careful but for you obviously the weight gain was one aspect what other aspects did you did kind of came up for you in that menopause journey and also with the women that you help today what are some of the other symptoms for anyone listening that might be thinking oh oh, hang on, I'm a perimenopausal, I'm a menopausal, I don't quite understand the difference between the two, what should I look out for?

36:20Because it is very different. I think there's some like 26 symptoms of the menopause, and it might even be more than that. But what were the other things that were happening for you as well, as well as the sort of the, you know, the experience with the weight that you were going through?

36:33Terry Tateossian:Yeah, I mean, for me, what I experienced was, I mean, I just imagine you're having PMS, but forever, like it just doesn't stop, right? And so you're like, okay, today's gonna stop. No, no, no. It just keeps going. So I had extreme hot flashes. Like I would be in a meeting with clients, employees, and literally get drenched in sweat and sweat in about five minutes. And it would happen instantly. Right. Super embarrassing. I had extreme mood swings. And I mean, like minute to minute, things would just be good, bad, good, bad. And you just don't know, Like, oh, you never know what's going to happen next.

37:15Terry Tateossian:I had insomnia. So I would either not be able to sleep for two, three days and then end up like feeling super energetic. I'm like, what is happening? Right. So very unusual and uncharacteristic behavior for me up to that point in time. And my sugar levels were all over the place. I had crazy cravings all the time. I would gain weight literally overnight. I would just gain five, six pounds overnight, like out of nowhere, no idea why. Just a lot of, and I became antisocial at one point. I did not want to go anywhere. I did not want to talk to anybody. I felt very overwhelmed, right? So any kind of additional stimuli outside of what I absolutely had to do felt like I just couldn't do it anymore.

38:16Terry Tateossian:So things that I could tolerate in the past were completely intolerable, right? Because my body, my brain, everything was functioning on all cylinders way over capacity. and so many other things that I'm probably not even remembering. But for me personally, it was shocking. I was shocked. I could not, I thought it was going crazy, really. Those were some of my thoughts at first. Yeah. Yeah. And it is different for every woman, right? And I always say the menopause isn't a female issue, actually. It is, obviously, but it's more than that. because for anyone, you know, that's got a wife, a girlfriend, a sister, a friend, people on their team that happen to be female, you know, so actually it has a real impact on not just women, even though we're the ones that are going through it.

39:10I mean, even last night, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat. And I was like, first thing this morning, it was like, oh, better change the bedding then again, you know, and it's this kind of thing. And so it can go on for quite a long time, you know, and brain fog. sometimes the brain fog kicks in I'll be like oh my what was someone's name I could be mid-sentence and go oh oh uh you know and I lose my train of thought and so I so I I still I'm a bit older and I I would have symptoms and then I'd level out and I'd be totally almost back to normal for months sometimes and then something else would kick in you know so it was a really unusual journey.

39:51But talk a little bit around how it impacted you from a business point of view, because that's the thing, isn't it? You know, as you said, you can feel embarrassed, can feel a bit of shame, but actually what we're going through is hormones. It's quite normal. It might be, you know, more extreme for some women than others. But what about confidence? What about how it affected you as a business person and also how you've managed to move past all of that?

40:21Terry Tateossian:yeah I mean for as a business person I realized um I had to reduce my workload for a while um I didn't actually know I was in perimenopause until this is a funny story okay I realized I was in perimenopause when I was in menopause 42 yeah me too that's when when it completely went away I didn't get a period for a year, that's when it's considered that you're in fully menopause, post-menopause. And so I thought I was pregnant actually. It turns out I was in menopause. And so, yeah, that was an interesting discovery. But what ended up happening is I had just began strength training at 40 and changed my nutrition and started eating more protein, lifting weights, started losing weight.

41:25Terry Tateossian:I started getting backed into my own body again. And a lot of the perimenopausal symptoms started to quiet down. So the hot flashes were not as often. The brain fog started calming down. I had more energy. I wasn't as antisocial as a lot of other things, but I started feeling a lot better. Um, and that was because of the program I was following and of the lifestyle I was following, the symptoms started to calm down. And then when I was at the age of 42, it, you know, it completely went away. And I've, I've joke around now. I'm like, I'm like a dude now. Like, I don't know now. I'm like, man, you know, if I were a dude this whole time, things would have been so much easier.

42:16Terry Tateossian:Because now I know what it feels like not to have fluctuating hormones, not to have PMS, not to have a period, not to have perimenopause, not to get pregnant, not to have any of these things. Like, I don't have to think about any you know, that stuff now because I've been fully menopausal since 42. So it's eight years and it's been the best thing ever. Yeah. And from an advice for women who are maybe recognizing some of these symptoms, maybe they're gaining weight, maybe they're losing confidence, you know, whatever it might be. And that could be more extreme for some people, as we know, or it can be a lighter version.

42:59But sometimes I would just say, I just don't feel myself. And I couldn't quite put my finger on it, you know, exactly. I just don't quite feel myself or I feel more overwhelmed or I get more emotional about something that would never, ever have bothered me before. So we are all different. But what advice would you give? And because you obviously help people today with where you focus, you know, from a business point of view. What advice would you give to women that are recognizing some of this in themselves?

43:28Terry Tateossian:So the physical aspect is easy. It's very easy, just very difficult to do, right? So do yourself a favor, start lifting weights, okay? Your hormones live in your muscle tissue. You're going to give yourself 1000 % an impact on how you're going to feel the more muscle tissue you have, the more lean muscle tissue you have on your skeletal frame. the better you're going to live. It is the longevity medication, okay? Go to the darn gym, get yourself a coach, let them teach you what to do, how to do it properly, proper form, all of that, right? We go to the hairdresser for our darn hair, but we don't feel comfortable getting a trainer to teach us how to do stuff in the gym.

44:20Terry Tateossian:It makes no sense to me, right? Yeah. Then figure out your nutrition. nutritional literacy saved my life. Okay. I'm, I'm, I am not overestimating that I'm not blowing it out of proportion. Knowing or having nutritional literacy for the rest of your life, teaching your partners, your husbands, your moms, your dads, your children, that is something you pass on. That is a legacy that you pass on and everybody feels it to Everybody, when they start seeing how vibrant and vital you look, people want to know, what are you doing? It's the food, ladies. Okay. The food is 90 % of how you're going to feel when you're not eating enough protein.

45:09Terry Tateossian:And I see this all the time. So I run retreats now for women in perimenopause, menopause. And one of the questions is how much protein do you eat per day? Let's track. Let's figure, let's find out. Let's be curious, right? Let's be a toddler. Be curious. look around. How much protein are you having? 50 grams a day. That's not enough to function, just for basic functioning of the body. They're eating 50 grams, 50 to 60 grams of protein per day, 300 grams of carbs, 150 grams of fat, right? So it's completely lopsided, right? The pyramid is upside down. It should be the other way around, right? And then we're wondering, why the heck do we not feel good?

45:50Terry Tateossian:Well, there you go. Right? So that's number two. And number three, when you're feeling emotional and when you are feeling down and when those symptoms are feeling overwhelming, give yourself a hug. Okay. Give yourself a hug. Tell yourself it's okay. Tell yourself, it's okay to feel this way. Feel that feeling. Console that part of yourself because they have the right to feel it. Okay. Whatever feelings you're feeling, you have the right to feel them. You don't have to take that away from yourself. And it's coming back to, I suppose, you're speaking to multiple audiences in your own head. Be kind to yourself.

46:38Be kind to the inner child. Be kind to all those different personas that you have it's you know this is the thing though it's not complicated it's actually not that complicated and yet and yet we don't do it so you were saying it's easy it's easy to do it but that's therefore easy not to do it and that's that that's the challenge isn't it so so we're talking about consistency we're talking about habits that are sustainable because willpower will only get you so far willpower will run out at some point I believe you know it will work for a while whether it's in business whether it's in the gym whatever um but actually it's around I suppose just creating a lifestyle that is sustainable as well um around all of those good good routines those good practices um and and Terry I'm interested from a business perspective so someone that's maybe a business owner they might be in the corporate world you know running large international teams so we've talked about how as an individual we help ourselves and and we can take ownership and all of the great advice you've given terry today which has been amazing from a business point of view what should the business be doing to support women that are going through this stage of life, do you believe?

48:03Well,

48:05Terry Tateossian:be aware of it, number one. So you got to actually pay attention to your team and be aware of what goes on with a woman when she's pregnant, for example, right? So the United States is notorious and the whole world, I think, for being the least sympathetic to pregnancy and maternity leave, right? And so imagine what perimenopause means. Who cares about that, right? So we don't even care about pregnancy and maternity leave. You know, forget about perimenopause. But in an ideal world, I would hope that at some point this would be common knowledge that at some point, a team member who's female is going to go through this, right?

49:01Terry Tateossian:There's no way out of this. We're all going to go through it if we're lucky, right? We're lucky we're going to experience menopause. And so have support for that, right? Provide some type of support. So, you know, maybe different hours, maybe a little bit more vacation time, maybe allowing more flexible time, more flexible hours, maybe having more work from home days, maybe even having healthcare that is friendly to women going through perimenopause and menopause. HRT in the United States is very controversial. There are doctors that are denying women estrogen and progesterone because of some study that came out 20 something years ago that is not even accurate statistically.

49:49Terry Tateossian:And so just having more education. The other thing I would love to see overall is the medical schools actually paying more attention to women's health and hormones specifically. You know, I've been diving into hormones a lot lately and I am blown away by how many systems and symptoms they affect. and they affect us from cradle to grave, okay? Hormones are extremely powerful and they shouldn't just be stuck in their own little bubble and only dealt with when we're, you know, really suffering, right? Yeah. There are studies out there that are looking into the impact of estrogen or the levels of estrogen and schizophrenia, for example.

50:43Terry Tateossian:So a lot of mental health issues are also affected by hormones and so many other things, right? And so I hope at some point hormones are going to become kind of like common knowledge and really understanding how they impact and how they work with all people, not just women. I mean, but women especially. Yeah, no, I think that's right. For me, I think, and great advice to business owners, you know, if you're leading a team, I think this is around normalizing the conversation as well it is not a taboo subject you know I joke about it if I have a you know a moment I go oh sorry you know I am menopausal I've got something going on I'll come back to that in a minute I almost make a joke out of it not in a way to put myself down but to to make it acceptable to to acknowledge what's going on and go hey you know it doesn't make me less of a business owner or business leader.

51:41Actually, it makes me more effective because I understand myself, but I also understand how that then affects people around you. And I think, you know, it's similar to when we talk about diversity, equity and inclusion. You know, it drives me crazy that we're still having a conversation about women in the boardroom or, you know, the number of startups that are female founded and they only get access to 5 % of, you know, VC funding. And yet we are there. so for me I think it's also as a business point of view there is a commercial benefit right if you can only think in numbers apart from just being a good human being and it being good for society and for the team and everyone around actually think about the economic cost if you don't lean into the talent that women at this stage of life have because you have all that knowledge that experience to bring to everything that you do so why should you then risk that as a business owner as a business leader by not bringing out the best environment for women to thrive at any age, but in particular at this stage of life.

52:44And I think there's a commercial logic, right? It makes sense, right?

52:50Terry Tateossian:But yeah, I hope, I'm hoping that all of your work, all of the work of everyone out there that is creating a platform for this particular topic or discussing any of these topics and propagating it out there into the wild, wild web is eventually going to help us all, you know, grow and, and, and get better at all of these things because, yeah, growth is, is hard, right? But we have to keep pushing. Yeah. Well, we're either growing or dying, as you said, we're like plants, I think you mentioned earlier, and I agree with that. And Terry, where can people find you? I know you're big on social media, but if someone wants to connect with you, maybe use your services to help them through this from a business point of view as well, where can people find you?

53:43Terry Tateossian:The best place is on my website. It's thehouseofrose.com. It's T-H-E, houseofrose, like the flower.com. You can find me on Instagram, How Good Can It Get? And those are pretty much the two places. Would love to connect with anybody that is interested in chatting about any of these topics. I could talk about this all day. Yeah, absolutely. And you run amazing retreats. You work with people one-to-one as well, don't you, Terry? You work with all manner of people at different stages of their kind of midlife, if you like. Exactly. Yep. We have retreats already posted for 2027. If anybody is looking to have an immersive experience that reviews perimenopause in its real sense and apply these methods and these modalities in person.

54:41Terry Tateossian:That's what I, it's my love, it's my love child baby business. I love that you've been able to take a personal experience, turn it into a business because you are an entrepreneur and help other people through the whole process of all of that, bringing together almost that power of three in everything you do. So huge congratulations, Terry, for everything you've achieved. Thank you for speaking so openly. I've got a few final questions because I know we need to gallop to the end. So, Terry, what's the best piece of advice that you've received? Oh my gosh, this is a good story. So I was told one time by a business consultant that I should apply as a disadvantaged business owner.

55:24Terry Tateossian:And I was like, why? And he said, well, you're female, right? I'm like, yeah. And he said, well, you're disadvantaged. And I was like, really? I feel like I've got the advantage because of my gender status. So yeah, that was my funniest one. Great. Well, it's a different perspective, isn't it? For sure. But actually calling it out and being bold about it. So I love that. And Terry, if you could describe this year in one word, what would it be and why? Growing.

55:59Yeah, in every sense. I love it. I love it. And Terry, we have a fabulous playlist on Spotify for all our wonderful guests. What song are we going to add to the playlist? What song do you love and who's it by?

56:14Terry Tateossian:My all time favorite song is I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner. And when you guys listen to it, I would like you to apply that to yourself. Oh, fantastic take on that. And we've not had it. So it's a new edition. Well done. Thank you, Terry. And the final question I have for you is, what does brave, bold, brilliant mean to you? It means humble. It means curious. It means afraid, but still willing to take a risk. Fantastic. Thank you so much, Terry. Honestly, I've really enjoyed the conversation. It's been enlightening for me as well. And super helpful for all our listeners and anyone that's watching.

57:00So amazing. Thank you, Terry, so much. I really appreciate you coming on.

57:04Terry Tateossian:Thank you, Jeanette, for doing this work. I appreciate you. And thank you for having me on. I really hope you've enjoyed this episode of Brave Bold Brilliant. Remember, check out our new website, www.brave-bold-brilliant.com. You're going to find loads of resources on there that's going to help you with your leadership journey and with the businesses that you're trying to scale up and grow. So take care, everyone. And remember, there are no limits to your growth, but it is by being brave and bold that you're going to unlock your brilliance. Thank you.