Aly & AJ: Disney & Dating Disasters

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. Allie and AJ, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you. Thanks for having us. You guys, the last time we saw each other was we were hanging out backstage at my tour and you were the loveliest people. And I always have these moments because I'm like, I watched you guys growing up. Obviously, I love you guys, your music, all of it. But meeting you guys in person was so fun to be like, oh my God, you guys are like normal girls and we're all just hanging out. So I'm so happy we're finally doing this. Same, same. So happy to be here.

0:38It was meant to be. so happy to be here okay if you guys are not like touring if you're not working if you don't have all the chaos of your life what is your most fun thing that you guys usually like to do together we're big like spa people and we kind of have been since we were young like we were like hanging out in a spa at like 10 and 12 and we were just loving it and our parents would be like i don't know they just like love hot dry saunas and getting massages oh i love this for you so like so spa spa spa you You go into the spa. If you have a day off, you go into the spa together. Yeah, that's our number one.

1:09That's our number one. That or like, I mean, literally, it's like a movie, like just on AJ's couch, just like ordering in. Yeah. How like often do you guys hang out? All the time. Yeah, all the time. Like every day? Well, no, because now that she's a mom. We used to be, yeah. Uh-huh. So now that she's a mom, it's not every day. And also, we don't live down the street from each other anymore. We literally used to live, I'm not even kidding you. Like me in my car. Four minutes from each other. Driving to AJ's, four minutes. I could walk to her house in like 20. Wait, how far now? Now I'm like an hour and a half.

1:40What? Yeah, I know. What happened? She had a kid. I had a kid, yeah. She's like, bye. So changed. I'm like, see ya. Well, really we moved for like, to be closer to my mom. My mom lives out in San Yanez. So we were like, okay, if we're closer to her, that will help with, you know, just like childcare or whatever. Of course. And then having more space, because the house that we live in, that we lived in in the canyon that we ended up renting out is like a super cool pad. But it's more like it's for a couple. It's not really for a kid. So we ended up renting a place that just had more space. So we kind of were just like, we'll see.

2:14But it's only an hour and a half. I visit like every weekend. But would you ever move? I love Santa Barbara. Okay, you're happy in Santa Barbara. She would. I'd move there in a second. Okay, okay, okay. That makes me feel good. I really would. I'm not ready yet. I really love where I am. But I think down the road I would. I absolutely would. And I think it's a beautiful place to raise a son. Do you guys play the typical like older, younger sister roles? Do you feel like or is there anything that you're like, I don't act like a younger sister and older sister in this way? I think they were swapped when we were younger.

2:42Oh, really? Yeah, that's a good point. I was very much kind of younger sister and she was like older sister. And then it switched. Why? Like we always joke how when I was young, I was very shy and - Really shy. And I would have her just kind of, you were like my translator. Yes. She would like nudge me. It's like, and I'd be like, she wants a turkey sub. No. Cheese and - No mustard. No mustard. You know, whatever. And it was like, literally, I would speak for her. She like knew. It was very strange. I was very shocked. You got out of that, though. I got out of it. And then I think it swapped to being like, okay, now I get something.

3:11You don't translate for me, but yeah. No, no. You're like, girl, you never did. Never. But I think what's interesting is like, obviously, you guys then like at a pretty young age got into the spotlight. So like, you don't think that a kid would be shy that then gets into like this industry. when Disney entered the conversation were your parents at all like this is like too much they ever try to talk you guys out of it no at that point we were fully in like a sad card in hand doing commercials well not you not me because I got my sad card was still the future yeah yeah so like I didn't even have like I mean I knew the basics of like this is a mark and stuff but I learned like everything on that set oh my god wait your first gig was filled the future yeah that was like that's like kind of the biggest ever wait what that's funny yeah when you guys like I obviously was thinking before I like sat down with you I'm like when you look back at that era you think about like you think about you guys you think about Demi you think about Miley you think about Selena you think about the Jonas Brothers like when you were in the era that you were in because it shaped so much of our childhood I feel like did you guys realize it was that iconic in the moment or did it literally just feel like work.

4:19I think once Cowbells hit, we knew. Yeah. And I feel like when the music started happening on the channel and that was happening simultaneously with Phil, I think that's when we were like, oh, this is really like clicking with people. And I do remember going to, I don't know, I think, were we with Hollywood Records at the time? I don't know. I don't think so. Well, I think they signed us season two of the show. It was season two. But I think season one of fill the future had been out so no we weren't signed yet with hollywood but for whatever reason we were invited to hillary duff's concert at i think the forum or something oh yeah and i think you were with me yeah and like i got mobbed at this concert and i was like yeah because season one it aired it was weird it was like the first real time i remember being like oh like people know me from this show and then it was just you know after that it was still very we had a very normal life but i just remember being like oh people are stopping me because of this tv show oh my god i have hillary def concert like take me yeah back oh my god because i was gonna ask like how your life changed with fill the future because i feel like that was a very very very big moment and i feel like some shows popped some shows didn't that one i like feel like i watched every freaking episode and it was so good thank you um it did pop but like we only did two seasons which people kind of forget what yes that's it that's it i know it's a season 22 I think okay that's also so different like these days it's like sure episodes yeah yeah that's a good point yeah okay but 20 that's still a lot of way yeah so it's only two

6:08is this the unwell water no that's water that's real water you can then this is unwell drink yeah you can try it okay i'm trying it give it a go it's good it's yummy yeah yeah yeah it's yummy it's basically like a better ideally version of like pd pd light and gatorade like that's really good it's good right it's not sweet it's not oh my god i did so many you don't have to tone it down with water like gatorade the mango was my oh in college when i would play soccer i would have to literally dilute it and i would do like half gatorade half water yeah my favorite currently is the mango that you're currently holding and this one is what orange orange orange viscous oh that is good it's good right I think I think the mango is maybe the mango is the best my favorite it's my favorite currently this is orange viscous I like the mango yeah it's great um okay so back to because I was thank you so much because I was thinking about you guys and like now that I'm like a businesswoman and obviously like you guys can share what you want but I was thinking about you guys and I'm like you were so young and you guys looked like you're at the top of the world but like when you look back financially did you feel like as kids you were compensated correctly.

7:11I don't know if that's like a fair thing to say. I don't think we would have known anything to compare it to. Yeah, I don't think. I think it's crazy when you have a job that young. Of course. You know what I mean? And in a strange way, like any money that you're making. Of course. Seems like great. But like I made like$7 ,000 per episode on Film the Future. That ain't nothing. That's not good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that is interesting. I mean, I don't know what that would equate to today. True. Right. But I guess for a kids show, you're kind of like, that's great. That could go into their college fund.

7:41And how did you guys handle it with your parents? Because obviously I remember we were standing in the hallway of my tour. And I looked at you guys and I was like, how did you guys just stay so normal? And you guys are like so lovely. I feel like you guys are like my girlfriends from back home. And the unfortunate side of the industry, I feel like we've all seen, is like so many of these kids, whether it was like the parents were abusing the power and taking the kids' money. The parents were forcing the kids. We saw it all the time. The parents didn't help the kids, so they were just kind of by themselves on set.

8:10They're just like dropped off and left with the teacher. Right. Yeah. What attributed to you guys staying so grounded throughout this whole process? Well, I can tell you we weren't the boss of our household, that's for sure. Like just because we were working did not put us at the top. Like we were the kids. Yeah. And then second, like our parents were very, very clear about like, yeah, you can go to this event. You can promote this project. but like you're not going to go to like some late after party with a bunch of adults when you guys are underage. Like I just feel like when you're younger, you can kind of get away if you're in the industry, but just rolling into every situation.

8:44Yes. And you're like a little mini adult, even though you really shouldn't be. It's not really the time and place for that time in your life. Like you just shouldn't be at those kinds of things at that age. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like our parents were very, they were pretty strict. And like our mom was on set with us like amazing if she needed to be somewhere for you and I was like on set she would be gone to like get you to the audition and then would be like straight back on set you know that I feel like that's like the biggest key that when kids come out now it's like there's this like missing element which was kind of like the parental figures yes and like to give the parental opportunity to people that weren't the actual parents totally they are just looking at these kids like they're cash cows and really your own parent hopefully would be the one to be like no no no I need to have some guidelines for my kids right is it true that you were going to possibly be Hannah Montana I mean yeah I I mean it's funny like she had the offer I had the offer and it was Phil hadn't ended at that point it was like they knew that Phil I think was on the way out or told us like you know we might not be doing a third season and and Gary who you know was the head of the channel, Gary Marsh, at the time.

9:55And Rich. Yeah. Was like, this pilot has come in and we think that you're really perfect for it. And I just remember reading it and being like, wait, but I'm doing music as Ally. And this might be really confusing being Hannah and being the character also playing Hannah. There actually would have been three of you. Three versions. There would be three of you. It would be very confusing. And I was like, you know, how does AJ relate to this? And then they, I mean, they literally said, well, then AJ could play the best friend part. Lily. Lily. I think, yeah. So they were like, why don't you have – and I was like, but it feels like it's my show.

10:29It's not really like the Hannah and Lily show. And I think at that point too, I was probably like close to being maybe 17 at that point, which is funny too because like we weren't on the channel for that long. Like I booked Phil at 13 and then by the time it was over, I was like, you know, whatever, 16 and a half or something. So I was like almost 17, I think, when that was offered. And I just remember thinking like, I've kind of done what I wanted to do here on the channel. You know what I mean? We had done Cowbells. The music had aired a lot on Disney Channel. Cowbells. I guess Cowbells we were just starting to like dive into.

11:08Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I did. You're right. I mean, obviously like that was meant to be for Miley. Yeah, totally. But that's so interesting how like those pivotal moments, obviously, like everyone was kind of up for certain roles that like it would have looked so different with you guys in that position versus her, obviously. OK, is it true, AJ, that you had your first kiss with Joe Jonas? Yes, that is true. Not me bringing up all the old stuff. I know. I'm like, of course. We got to go through it. We got to go through it. In a bowling alley. It was so innocent. Wee. A bowling alley. It was sweet.

11:42That's so cute. And did you guys like date for a long time? We dated for a while. I don't um I mean for like a young relationship like over a year is pretty good a half something like that's pretty solid that's a really long time yeah I feel like I was so curious like all of you guys were on such like different shows but like this was kind of your high school experience yeah so like how did you guys all hang out and like meet on different shows like what was the social dynamic like well we met on tour so the Jonas Brothers opened for us and that's when we started like there was like a spark and I was like oh this would be fun like we started dating on that trying to make like something happen with like me and Kevin and I was like it's not really vibing and then I mean bless but like yeah and then it was like no maybe you can like date the bass player Greg and I was like no it's still not vibing and I mean like again bless him too but of course but it just wasn't I was like no you can't like force it you can't force it it was like natural that I was yeah it was a natural buddies of course we were and it was a really fun tour um but I think beyond that so like for me it's like we were homeschooled our whole lives we didn't experience school dances we didn't but instead we had tour like at a really young age like to me i wouldn't trade yeah i wouldn't trade any of it because i'm like our experiences on the road were so cool and it's actually why i love touring as an adult yeah because i think it was ingrained in me at a young age that it was a really cool opportunity to have this moment to connect with your fans it's not jarring to like go on the road and i love it it's very natural like i think some people dive in as an adult and they're like i don't want to be on the road and we're like we love it bring it on right you're like this is all we ever know yeah yeah it's weird so anyway i wouldn't yeah there's nothing i would really trade back i just no no that's an amazing answer okay did you secretly date your phil of the future co-star for six years no no wait who said that that's funny is this like a thing on rumors online that you secretly dated phil of the future co-star for six years literally can attest never even kissed you guys didn't even it was always a friendship now although i remember like he's also older than you well and in that that age range felt huge like I was 13 and I think he was 16.

13:38I think he was a liar for years. That's a big gap at that age. But I remember during the test, like when I tested for Phil the future and I saw that he was the other boy that was up for it, I was like, he's really cute. And then of course you meet them and then you're like, oh, now we're just buddies. We actually became really good friends with his girlfriend during that show. Like he was dating a girl during that show. Yeah, that is true. Sweet. Yeah, so no, no, no. Okay, we're clearing up all the rumors. That is so funny. Years and years later. Okay, obviously we know Disney was like very strict now that like everyone kind of like knows the deal were you able to experiment at all like normal teenagers like have your first drink and like go to parties at all or no yeah yeah for sure you did yeah I feel like we had a healthy like teenage life yeah but like but we were like not party girls like for whatever that's worth I think the channel got very lucky having us yeah I mean in a weird way we should have been on for like 15 years because they would have been like they're good we don't need to be worried no it's true going like yeah for whatever reason we just were not like rebellious types both of us and i think maybe part of it was because we had each other yeah so it was like we didn't have to act out and prove ourself yeah to like our parents or it was just kind of nice yeah no you're right i don't even know what it is it's like luck i feel maybe it's just luck but also like ali and i this sounds kind of ridiculous but when we got a little older but we weren't quite like drinking age yeah people like kind of in la started like trusting us as the girls that would like go into ladue but not get hammered they're like let them in they can have a like like we knew some of the bouncers and they would just like mark our hand and they'd be like we trust you come on I'm not kidding like they're fine like they're never gonna be a liability no like truly and we kind of I mean and that was during the height of all of those girls you know where you see everybody like coming out of the club but like we were just fine you're like hi hi we'll just be like no problem in the club like a kiss ass it was just like who we were who we were which I think is which I think then made people be like oh my gosh you're so darling the a shocker girl is like they're just harmless sweet yeah that's pretty funny everyone knows you guys as Allie and AJ right like everyone it's Allie and AJ it's Allie and AJ have you guys ever resented that package deal concept no I think we've always like the duo aspect of it no we've never resented that I think the only thing that maybe we've been like gosh I wish we had had like a different band name that wasn't our names we didn't think it was cool like as kids we were the Ally and AJ thing because now it's just our names yeah it's very memorable no the duo thing didn't bug us didn't no no like when you guys were growing up at all obviously taking different projects and if like one was having more success than the other at a time like how did you guys handle that as sisters because I have a sister and I don't care what we're doing like we were competitive competitive you know what I mean and like we are always supportive each other but I do feel like naturally there can be moments where it's like oh like you're getting the better parts or you're getting the better roles or like did you ever have moments where you had to like sit down and be like let's talk this out I think the only time where we felt like okay we're getting um asked to go out for the same roles and we feel really strongly that one of us is really right for this and would you mind standing down like I think there were a couple times we both got the same audition or but usually one of us would come to the other and be like I'm really not right for this you should just go out for this and I'm just gonna and the other one wouldn't like that's happened before where we're like we've just like said okay fine you go for it like by the way it would never be between it would never be down to the two of us acting is so different yeah i think our ages our looks our energy like but we did get asked sometimes to go to the same yeah and i think some of that was just because of like i don't know some some parts kind of would overlap yeah yeah it's like you know 20 to 22 to 25 and we're like yeah but there was never a role specifically where i was like wow i really wish that had been me and like i kind of bummed was out like never like for me it was like I thought it was so cool that she was like an easy a and hell cats and like she's done great work and it always felt like it should be Allie you know what I mean that's and I always want to be her over anyone else so if I'm not gonna book it right it better be rather than be a family you know no that's such like a healthy way to look at it because anyone that has a sister I'm like I want my sister to win always and I think there's you're right there's like a natural also like aside from competitiveness you're also very protective of your sibling being like I want her to do the best but I also think it's very like healthy that you guys are able to have that because I'm not in the same industry as my sister like I can't imagine at some capacity you guys are intertwined and there is a slight competition in light moments that but that's kind of healthy that you guys are like we didn't feel it that much no no and like if anything where it was I mean I guess you could call it competitive it would be like if we like the same guy oh yeah let's talk about that yeah that would happen like that would happen every once in a while you guys had the same taste growing up similar right yeah similar i would say yeah our tastes were very similar yeah what are you guys adjusting now you're like i know i know adjusting wait stop so you guys at one point would like have a crush and how would you handle it well neither of us would get that guy yeah it was just like yeah neither of us we just both would be like we both liked him and both of us failed or like i remember this is funny that you asked us we were making a record in new york one that never ended up coming out and um we we have 10 of those yeah no just one but you're like one day maybe they'll come out yeah two um and we were we were feeling very cool that you were like you know living in new york for like a month no parents you know i don't know at this point we were like 21 and 22 and 20 right um and every night we were really obsessed with wanting to go out to all of these restaurants in new york we're like sometimes it didn't even make sense where it's like girl that's way on the other side of town all right you guys are from los angeles and you don't know shit love so we would be like okay we're going to catch or whatever and we went to this one restaurant called revel i don't know why i remember that how do you remember still around um and there was a cute guy that was our waiter and i left my number for him on the bill and i told aj and she was like what i was pissed and we left the restaurant i was like he was cute and she's like i know i left my number and i was like what like you mean i could have and i didn't like it almost was like judging me that i had done that you know and like put my so like put my neck out so dumb but obviously this guy never texted rude so you never called so right meanwhile i'm like i don't need to be competitive because i don't need to worry you either we i'm upset and did you guys ever ever ever hook up with the same person at any point in your lives like overlap of like years later you met up with someone like same kiss or yeah no no no there's been a couple like close calls yeah where it was like i liked that guy kind of and then it was like oh no like aj and him are kind of dating and then it would be like over after or there was a moment where i like tested for something and the leading guy i thought was really cool and then ally actually ended up dating him later yeah yeah but it wasn't like a i was also with him no no there's never been an actual crossover no thank god i mean that would be kind of weird we're so enmeshed in each other's lives already i know it's like you're literally like one in that concept like when i talk about because my sister's four years older than me and we've never dated the same guy yeah but even you talk about it incessantly with each other like when you start dating yeah obviously so it's like i couldn't go to her if i knew that she liked the guy that i was right she knows all the inside detail it out she's like i know i experienced all of it because with a family member i would be like katherine you need to get over it because i need to tell you everything she'd be like okay he was cute but now i'm over like literally held my hand while I broke up with a guy over the phone.

21:04I'm not kidding you. I did. She was like, do you remember that? It was in Calabasas. You were like, you can do it. I did. And I'm like on the phone with him being like, I really don't, this isn't right. Like I, and I'm like, is this good? And I'm like, you got it. No, that is like literal. That's also so, I mean, that just brought me back to that bedroom. Isn't that funny? Calabasas. Calabasas. Yeah. Yes, we were Calabasas kids. I know. Before it was cool. way before it was cool love that for you guys when it was a johnny rockets you know i mean like we're that far i love that for you we breaking up with someone is the worst feeling the worst it's sickening it's so hard it's actually sickening but that's why like people whenever i'm like it's there's nothing better than having a sister and it's i feel for my friends that are like i never had a sister i don't know what it's like it's like it's a friendship on steroids yes you are literally going to kill for her it's different than a brother completely it's actually almost It's just a diss to call it a friendship.

21:54It's like, no, this is living on another level. That's a great point. It's like an extension of yourself. Yes, yes. It's so fun hearing you guys talk about your dynamic together. And obviously so much of what you're writing also goes into like love and your life and your family. And but potential breakup song. I just have to ask the one question because I think it's like I saw TikTok. We're going to we have to make this TikTok. And it's someone being like, you guys remember when those two sisters walked into the studio and they really said this? I know. It's so funny. To this day, still such an anthem.

22:21What inspired that song? no you're not a real person not a real person stop it's actually the most like it's the most anti-climactic we answer there's no real person i need to pause you guys because the way you both just pause i thought i was about to get like yeah no sorry it's like record scratch it doesn't exist it doesn't okay tell me though i think we just were like what if there was a guy that was such a like I mean at this point we were 18 and maybe younger 17 and 15 writing this song which we had but like very little we had probably each had you would have probably two boyfriends I'd barely had one boyfriend because I was way behind behind her okay so like I'm like she was behind she was still a lot of the songs were like living in a dream world of what we thought a relationship was like because we were still really young yeah so to us it was like what if this guy was like so terrible that he didn't call you on your birthday and that you begged him to get your stuff back and he like wouldn't give it back and then you just had to deliver it in a box at your house.

23:22It's literally that. It's that. It's literally like you two sitting on your bed together being like, genius, let's go. Yes, let's go. But what's funny though was that we couldn't drive. Not a real dude. I do remember we were young enough that we weren't driving. Since there is no story behind it, tell me both of your like most brutal breakups.

23:58we've got a lot of girlies that listen how did you get through it what was your most like brutal breakup and how you got through it obviously like we're not naming names but just like the concept like have either of you ever been cheated on i mean age you go first yeah i was cheated on And I found out the guy was like hooking up with our really good friend at the time. No. How did you find out? It like blew up the friendship and the relationship. Yeah. I don't even know how it came out, but it happened in the Calabasas Commons parking lot. Stop. Yeah. And it was like – It was brutal. And we were young.

24:28So it was like – No. Obviously it hits hard no matter what age you are when you feel like, wow, I've been completely lied to. But this was like a friendship. Lied to. This was like a friendship, a girl friendship that was basically the breakup. It wasn't like the guy, if that makes sense. It was like we had found out some stuff about her that made us feel like we didn't really know who she was. And we had been friends with her for like a long time. And that was truly the worst breakup. And it was a girlfriend breakup. And then we mended. Like we're okay now. Years later. Like if we see her at a event or whatever, we'll DM and stuff.

24:59But we don't like hang actively, which is kind of sad because it was a big part of our childhood. That is so gross. That guy was like didn't even matter. Right. It's just the concept of what happened with the friendship. that's always the worst when like understandably people are like don't blame the girl blame the guy and it's like no no for sure but if you were almost closer with the girl than the guy that you were dating yes that's where it's like how do you recover from those moments and then it gives you like full trust issues because you're like how did I not know that and you could like hold my hand while I'm crying over this and little do I know I'm crying because of you oh yeah that's sick okay Allie go um okay I'm trying to think gosh worst um you haven't been cheated on I haven't been cheated on.

25:40That's nice. Which is actually good. That is good. I know. That's beautiful. That's good. That's good. I don't know what that says. Let's all clap for that. No trauma. Yeah. No trauma. I'm trying to think of. Hmm. I mean, I've had guys. I've had more guys probably break up with me than me break up with them. OK. So I've been broken up with probably quite a bit. Have you been blindsided by the breakups? I mean, I feel like I was blindsided many times. Yeah. Like. Not many. But a lot of them. It was like, you know, I was being broken up with because this person was like a professional athlete and was like, I need to work on my job.

26:18And like, you're a distraction. I'm like, bitch, I'm on a tour bus right now. You're a distraction. I need to work on my job? Yeah, I know. Wait. Ridiculous. Do you know where you're sitting? That couldn't have been a direct quote. No, that is the best direct quote I've ever heard. A professional athlete telling you I have to work on my job. we you know that I talk a lot about that yes yes we how long did you date it wasn't that long but it was very like um it was like a solid year maybe maybe a little I don't even know what sport hockey football football I remember being really heartbroken by that now I'm looking back on it being like but to any of the girls that are like I feel like around new year a lot of people end relationships because I feel like everyone's like oh my gosh like I want to start fresh I want to kick this person to the curb or I want to like try something different like do you have any advice when you look back at those relationships when people ended things with you as hard as it was in the moment now when you look back like give us some advice of how to get through those horrible blindsiding moments honestly like having a couple really solid guy friends was really helpful like I would talk to them about this and they'd be like this guy's a total loser like absolutely not and you know of course you could say well of course you're saying that they want to get with you but these were like truly platonic even if they do okay even if they do it's nice to hear but they were platonic relationships that were really like I would I would be on the phone like talking to Dan you know and be like can you believe this and he'd be like this is an absolute sign that this guy is not right for you and like he was only in it because he just wanted to like sleep with you and be done and over the next and you're like thank you Dan thank you Dan now let's hook up no I'm just kidding Yeah, totally.

28:03Okay, Daddy Gang needs some advice. And I feel like all I'm getting from this entire episode is you guys are very wise. And you've always been wise. And you've always been like. Or like little Yodas. No, literally. Like you guys. No, but actually. You guys have been like. People would let you into the club. Because they're like, Allie and AJ are going to keep it real. You guys didn't lose yourself to fame. You didn't lose. You guys have like seemingly like very normal lives. And you're still so successful. And you're still in the spotlight. So we need your advice. Okay. Okay. You want to end a friendship where you've been drifting apart.

28:33Do you have a breakup conversation with your friend or do you let it die out? I've done both. I've had more, if I'm being honest, I've had a couple die outs, not conversations, where it's just kind of like you kind of stop texting and then it's like. They also do. Yeah. And then it's like you kind of are like, we both know this isn't right. Which is kind of a form of ghosting. It's not great. It is. I think you should have the conversation. When you have the conversation. It's bigger to do that. Do you think those were more extreme moments? Like did something? Yes, it can make it too big of a deal.

29:01But it was usually because it was based on something that happened that I was like, I can't really not see this now. And it's here and let's talk about it. And this is why I can't go forward as a friend. But I think that's good advice. It's like you kind of have to gauge where you're at. If it's just like you never really see each other anymore, but you have this like weight over you and they're not that great to you. You can maybe let it simmer. Yeah, to me, some things don't need like a spotlight. True. Sometimes it's not like this big, huge fight. Sometimes it's like, I'm seeing some things about your lifestyle that doesn't gel with mine or that, you know, I don't know, you weren't there for me in these moments that I needed you.

29:37And it's kind of like showing your true colors. And that's OK. We just part our own ways. That's like sometimes that's part of just growing up and being a girl. I think that's what's like been so eye opening as I've gotten older, like growing apart from friendships is so sad. and it's like horrible to look back at like some of my like high school friends that I'm not as close with anymore whatever or just also like recognizing like we really grew up and we are different or like we live our lives differently and that doesn't mean they're a bad person you're just like it doesn't mesh anymore but it is sad when a part of your childhood in that way kind of dies like wait I just said bye to a friend in a way that I know I'm not really going to connect with again and I think it's like sometimes yes sometimes those are harder than actual breakups with men sometimes where you're like shit that hurt but I think that's a good like bit of advice is like you can do both but I think don't actively seek out a conversation if the person's gonna be like wait what are you talking about it's too much if something happens absolutely address it yes but you can also like let something simmer if that's like the natural course of where it was gonna go anyways yeah and it says a lot if both sides aren't really reaching out then it's like the natural course was for it to fizzle period that says everything in a way okay you find out you were accidentally the other woman do you reach out to her or do you stay out of it i'm the type that would reach out yeah we're both breathing so heavy we're all like i'm like yeah i think i would contact i think i would i think i would i'd say i'm the other woman i'm so sorry i didn't know um well what's funny is that we've seen one of our girlfriends, our close girlfriends do that.

31:14And I, it was like, I was kind of being like, don't do this. This is, this is cringe. Like why is this such a huge message? You know? I don't know if she did it right. She didn't do it right. I think there's a way you can. I mean, I've said that to her face. Like you didn't nail this. Oh, she literally wrote like a paragraph. Yeah, no, no, no. And also then that girl is like, uh, yeah, right. Sure, honey. You know? And then making her look like she's crazy when she actually was telling the truth are you making this up that you're really the other woman like yeah you look insane yeah oh this is really interesting yeah i think a paragraph to ever start something off bad you gotta go in shorter and just begin the convo rather than hit it hard where someone's like oh my god i need to like read this tonight when i have time like and sit down and actually think about this yeah but okay so you guys would both say something i would be like i'm sick i'm ill like this this happened I need you to know and I'm so sorry bye I kind of agree with that like I feel like if you were not again clarifying you didn't even know you were the other woman if you were aware like then that's a complete different situation that's like on you but yes but if you weren't aware I kind of agree because then even if she stays on her you know totally at least you had your moment to say like this moment happened and I said my piece and like I can live with that Love this.

32:28Yeah. If you knew one of your close friends was cheating on her husband, who you're also friends with, how do you handle that? That's really hard. That's really hard. That's never happened. Thank God. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe not husband or boyfriend. I have known – not husband, but yeah, I've known that there's like shadiness going on. And you're close to both of them. Yeah. And I kind of stayed out of it because I just didn't know. Did it dissolve on its own with you staying out of it? You know what's interesting? Are they still together? I'm not really that close with them anymore, so I don't know what happened.

33:00But I also think maybe that partially is because it was like bleeding into every part of their like when you're lying that heavily in your life. That's a good point. It bleeds into every other moment in your life. Like she was more distant because she was being so cagey. And then I was kind of like, I don't know. Oh, wow. Yeah. I think it depends on maybe who like who's the OG friend. Is it is it her or is it the guy? Like, I don't know. If you met him at the same. I mean, if you met at the same time, it's it's hard. It's so hard. I'd like to think I'd have the courage to say something or to be like, I don't know, like, is everything okay?

33:28Well, I want to think if I'm the same woman who's going to tell the person I was the other woman and didn't know until just now, I'd be that same person to say this. That's a good point. Like, I'd like to think those two ladies are the same person. You know what I mean? I agree. Like, bold. I agree. I think what's hard sometimes in friendship dynamics is, like, there's a lot of dynamics I feel like you start to feel as you get older and there's cheating involved. I have found sometimes I'm not privy to all the information of these people's relationships and a lot of times I'm like oh you kind of knew that sure like I didn't get the whole side yeah so I'm like if I'm super close if it was my best friend and I'm fine I'm hearing something I'm telling her obviously and be like I love you so much and I support you I just need to tell you I know this and then I'm here whatever you want to do yeah yeah because I think it's half the time the judgment that people feel when someone brings that information they get so anxious like I have to leave him now or I have to leave her now.

34:21And it's like, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I come off as judgy when you tell them. So I also think your delivery has to be like, I love you. And I know this is so hard. But I saw so-and-so at this restaurant and this is weird. And I'm leaving this information. Yes. But I'm here for you if you want to talk and like, whatever you do, I love you. I think now in my thirties, that is how I would approach it. But it would take me a hot minute to come to that. Yes. Like bravery of like, okay, we're doing this. You'd call your sister first. Yes. We'd rehearse it. Totally. We'd rehearse it. I'd hold her hand while she says the conversation or we would go in person and I'd hold her hand in person.

34:52Thank you, Raleigh. Okay. You accidentally send a screenshot of the conversation to the person you were gossiping about. How do you play it off? Have you guys never done that? No. Oh my God. I have. I've never done that. Have you done it multiple times or just once? In college, I was talking shit about the guy that I was seeing and I was like texting my friend and I was sunbathing. I was at Boston University. I remember exactly where I was laying. I was in my little bikini and it was so bright out. and I was holding my phone up texting and I was talking to this hockey player. Couldn't see. He was so dumb and I was just like so over it.

35:24And you texted it to him. I screenshotted it, send it to him being like, hockey player wants me to go on his boat later. Like I'm going to have to have like a couple drinks. And it went to him. And then what was his response? Was he like, um. Well see now you can unset. I know. So we're in a good era for that. So now we're good. Guys, I literally responded. I'm pretty sure like first I called my mom. screaming like I you guys I am under the sun I realize I do it I'm pretty sure he responded like lol at first which is like actually yeah that's kind of he was probably thinking like oh that's funny this is a funny joke right yeah it shows how you're like yeah I'm like I am hilarious yes no and then I was like lol I'm just kidding like I just can't decide if I want to come like what are you thinking good job you guys did he did he roll with it he completely rolled with it wow Saw him later that night.

36:15But that says even more. You did start the conversation saying he wasn't smart. So like. Completely. Also why did I go? I don't know. I was bored. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's fair. I think it was an ego thing where I was like I have to see this man to like make sure that he actually forgave me. Like this is insane that he doesn't recognize that I was completely shit talking him. Insane. I would be more likely for sure to do something like that. 100 % it would be. Way more. You would. Way over me. Like I'm actually surprised that hasn't happened. But it has. Once or twice. Wait because you're just like you're gonna do some like clumsy shit where you're like how did i get in this situation where he's like hello you're on the wrong group chat it's like oh shit there will be times we're all like sidebar chat to her and i'll be like just so you know you're talking in a way that if this leads to more this you're in the wrong you're in the wrong you're on the wrong track here and she'll be like oh thank you totally thank you yeah that is kind of like younger sister energy though like correction officer i call my sister and i'm like are you okay and And she's like, what?

37:09And I'm like, why are you sending that to the family group chat? We were just texting. And she's like, oh my gosh, I don't know. Like, yeah, I'm kind of. That's funny. That is, yeah, that does track his younger sister. It is. It is. It's like, we know everything. Like, stay in line. Exactly. Okay, do you guys ever go on double dates? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, with our people now. With our guys now. With our guys now. I don't think in the past. Have we ever really done that in the past? I'm trying to think. Before Steven and Josh? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. That's become more of an adult like.