Am I Lame if I Don’t Want to Go Out Anymore?

0:00Sunday morning, Father's calling. do do do do do do do do every sunday's father's day that was pretty good right hello daddy gang welcome back to another sunday session with your father it's father's day hi five minutes ago i decided you know what maybe i should record a sunday episode but then i was like okay amazing what am i gonna talk about with the daddy gang I'm always honest with you guys and I'm going to keep it fucking real. I have no life. I have literally no life right now. I've been so fucking busy with work that my entire life is work and that's okay. I'm not mad about it, but it's just not what you want to hear.

0:44I could sit here and talk to you about how business is going and how many trademarks have been filed, litigations that are happening like oh girl we can get down and gritty with the business acumen okay but I know that's not what you're here for you're looking for the spice and dice and I don't have it but I think that's okay to keep it real with you cheers I'm drinking some wine because it's been a long fucking week

1:30so daddy gang welcome back to another episode of call her daddy i promise it's not going to be depressing but ever since i got back from tour which you know when i say that i sound like a fucking pop star or at least it feels like it no i i had the best time at tour and it was kind of a weird feeling where it was almost like a come down that i was experiencing coming off of tour I was around so many people for so many days in so many different cities and not just you daddy gang being around you I mean like all the crew that was doing the tour for me like there were so many people around me and then I got back to Los Angeles and I just fucking crashed like I feel like I became a shell of a human being and I've been trying to force myself to get back into a normal regimen and routine and it's just been kicking my ass you know we haven't talked in a while.

2:20And Thanksgiving was fabulous. But Matt and I hosted our first Thanksgiving last year. And I said to everyone, you guys are all out of your fucking mind if you think that Matt and I will be hosting Thanksgiving this year. I'm coming back from tour. I don't have anything to give. I don't have my space to give. I don't have any jokes to crack. Okay. I just want to fucking drink my ass off and eat food someone else host. And Matt's mother was so gracious and kind to be like count me in it was such a good vibe it was a pretty small group just Matt's family and my family someone in our family just had a baby which you know in past previous years I would have looked at a baby and been like all I would have thought is like just don't fucking cry and just keep your thoughts to yourself and shit your pants and eat your food and go to bed but this year seeing this baby and his chubby little body and just holding him I was like holy fuck is this what getting older feels like all of a sudden I was like do I have baby fever is this is this that feeling I don't know it was a little it was a little rocky road for me I didn't want to like lean too hard into the feeling but I was like I oh my god what the fuck just happened I tried to hold in the sneeze, but then I went to talk and it all just came out.

3:40Anyways, Thanksgiving was amazing. What I will say is this. I am so obsessed with Thanksgiving food. I don't think aside from a chicken Parmesan, there is any other meal that I would prefer to eat. Let me think about that. I love dumplings. That was so random. I love a cheeseburger. Like I would never be someone that says like my dying meal is sushi. Like I love sushi, but it's not the way I'm going out. There is something about Thanksgiving food that puts me into a frenzy. Like I was not able to think right for the two weeks up leading up to Thanksgiving. Matt was like, Alex, stop. All I would lay in bed next to this poor man.

4:23And Matt's like, let's fuck. And I'm like, I can't wait to eat the stuffing that and he's like, it's so far away. Like what? And so I right before Thanksgiving was craving stuffing so badly that I went to the grocery store, Gelson's as one does, and I shopped my little ass off for some good old cornbread and stuffing. Like I wanted to really see like could I cook this because if it turned out to be good then I was going to bring something to Thanksgiving and I basically started cooking alone. Matt was out of town by the time I decided to do this and I'm cooking and I make myself an entire huge casserole platter of stuffing and it was good it was well no it wasn't it was what was it it was a little dry and I'm still trying to figure out why because I followed all the steps so I didn't offer to bring a platter to Thanksgiving but I ate an entire casserole platter even though it was dry by myself of stuffing and I realized that stuffing should not just be dedicated to one fucking day of the year It should be incorporated as if it's fucking broccoli.

5:31Like, oh, you want mashed potatoes or do you want stuffing? Like, why are we not incorporating it more? So I got to Thanksgiving and I told Matt, baby, I'm showing up in my big girl pants. Like, I'm coming for multiple rounds. Like, I'm going to try to go back three times and somehow save room for pie. And I think that I got overexcited and overhyped. And I, you guys, I ate, I'm sorry if this is gross, but I ate so much food on Thanksgiving that for the next week, my body could not self-regulate and I was in physical fucking pain. I couldn't have sex for a week with Matt. I'm like, it, like my belly was just so fucking engorged with like loads of food.

6:16And I, um, was in physical pain after Thanksgiving. And so now, now I can't even fuck. Do you guys ever do that where you overeat one food that you're obsessed with to the point where you can't even fucking look at it? It happened to me with Cool Ranch Doritos at one point and I was devastated because who doesn't love Cool Ranch Doritos? I'm back on my grind for Doritos now, but I do just want to be honest. Like there is such a thing as too much of a good thing can. What? What would that too much of a good thing can? Is that a saying? Too much of a good thing can become what? Fill in the blank.

6:49Sound off in the comments. Is that even a thing? DM me. too much of a good thing can become bad we are hitting the world with revolutionary content this week everybody sip if you're drinking and watching this happy sunday so anyways thanksgiving was fabulous and the minute that thanksgiving ended i looked matt in the eyes and i said you know what's going on tomorrow and he's like can't we at least let's wait two days i'm like tomorrow matt the day after thanksgiving he's like babe like it can wait a week i said tomorrow matt tomorrow and what is that on the calendar to go buy a christmas tree something that i don't appreciate is that october november and december should not be on top of each other we should have more time to celebrate the holidays and i feel like i'm rushed and i don't want to be rushed i told matt i want to get my christmas tree in september that for him was a hard no and not only was a hard no it like genuinely upset him so i'm like okay calm down it's like a fucking tree in our house but all right totally cool we won't get our tree in September we'll do it in October we'll have a fucking pumpkin next to a tree how about that and he said you're ruining everything like let everything be individual why why why and I'm like because Christmas is the climax and I want to feel like I get to fucking enjoy Christmas for longer than a fucking month so then I didn't get the tree and then I just agreed with him fine the day after Thanksgiving we're getting our fucking tree and so that's our tradition i guess next year it'll be the beginning of november and then all of a sudden you'll see me having a fucking christmas tree in october and then boom august hits motherfucker it's my birthday you know what i want for my birthday a christmas tree let's wrap it up and if there is no christmas tree store open go out into the forest matt figure it out chivalry is not dead oh my god that's exactly what i'm gonna do next year babe all i want for my birthday I bet you can't even make it happen and he's gonna be like what and I'm like I want a Christmas tree motherfucker being in a relationship with me is calm stable energy so anyways yeah we got our Christmas tree and I'm not gonna lie it's fucking big I'm staring at it right now I don't really want to show you guys because I'm feeling a little bit insecure about my Christmas tree It's looking a little rinky dinky.

9:11So I'm going to have to plump it up a little bit. But oh, this is something I can talk about. I'm going to try to keep it very vague. I've been going through some family shit recently that has just been very emotionally taxing and exhausting and time consuming. I bet there were a lot of people that were disappointed with Thanksgiving, even though we hype it up in our heads. And I can imagine there are so many people that are in their mind trying to prepare for the holiday break for Christmas, for Hanukkah, for New Year's. I realized that like a lot of family problems get exacerbated during the holidays because there's so much pressure to be fucking happy.

9:58And what fucking family is fully happy? I don't know. Do you guys know any of them? I don't know. Send them my way. I don't know. But what I will say is I think that using the holidays as a time to try to solve problems or get underneath problems, it's not the move. Because I tried to do it over Thanksgiving and it didn't work. The moral of the story is avoid every problem that you have. Completely sweep it under the rug until the new year. Don't try to have confrontations. don't try to have deep conversations let it go let it go let it go let it go let it go let it go somewhere to the back of your mind and even if you have beef with someone I actually think there's something good to be said of you just being like you know what I know we have shit to talk about and I know we don't see eye to eye or I know we have this whatever it is but let's just enjoy the holidays and deal with it after I actually don't know if my therapist would slap me on the wrist for saying this.

11:06No, I don't think she would. There are just some things where it's like, it's not the time and it's not the place. And so I know people get anxious going into holidays, going back to childhood homes, trigger people, going to families, houses that you don't fucking like, going to maybe your significant others, mother and father-in-laws that you fucking hate, or there are cousins or whoever. We all have those people. and I'm telling you I don't know if this is regression or growth so leave that for my therapist don't dm me your answers okay leave it at what do they say leave it at the door leave the drama at the door and just fake it be so fucking fake I think I'm losing it um there is a positive to not engaging in these deep intense conversations where you're trying to fix things or if someone is frustrating the fuck out of you I'm not saying don't address someone if they're being fucking rude to you at the dinner table but I do think when I said and I've said it almost I feel like in every single solo episode I've done this past year is like be so selfish with your energy and your time I think there's something really healthy about don't let anyone ruin your fucking Christmas or your New Year's daddy gang like fuck them don't let it happen we cannot control others what we can do is control ourselves and our reactions and I feel like if you can get to a zen ass place where you realize nothing can ruin my holiday this year it's my holiday I'm gonna enjoy Christmas I'm gonna enjoy New Year's and I will address reality on January 2nd now maybe give it till the next week okay live in that bliss bitch okay delusion is the key to life emotions are heightened during the holidays and people think like this is the time to go in no eat your pie bitch sit the fuck down and watch a christmas movie that's gonna that's gonna be the uh the sentiment today what else is happening in going back to the beginning of this conversation that we're having daddy gang my life has been all work and no fucking play and I'm so fucking busy and so is Matt Matt is currently away and I will not play while Matt's away I've been literally holed up in my house working and just spending time with my dogs and I just think it's good to you know we're keeping it real here guys big Al's not clubbing big Al is not hitting the streets big Al is not rubbing shoulders with anyone like big al is calm cool and collected sitting on her fucking couch rotting staring at her fireplace every night watching love island australia with her dogs something that i really really really was frustrated with myself about i remember i told you guys back in my um my wedding episode oh my god how long ago was that when i was like you guys i'm picking wedding locations my life's a fucking disaster i remember telling you guys that i had started Pilates.

14:20How fucking long ago was that episode? Oh my god. August 22nd is when I fucking uploaded that episode. I was trying to do Pilates. I was getting consistent. Like I really wanted to get my toned arms for my wedding. And after I uploaded that episode, I never worked out again. So it has been officially about four months since I've worked out. And I feel like a fucking piece of shit when I was on tour I was seeing just like pictures of myself of people posting and that didn't really bother me but it is obnoxious because I just I couldn't stop looking of being like oh my god like I have no fucking tone in my arms and my legs look disgusting above I'm like being a fucking cunt to myself but I have not worked out in four months you guys I got back to LA and I have was trying everything to trick myself into like well your wedding is coming workout like I have tried every self manipulative thing that I can say to myself to get my fucking ass in the gym I feel like I've talked about this before but like I really fucking struggle to consistently just normally work out and I just wish I could be a little bit more of a fucking consistent queen so that my mental health was not so like oh you little piece of shit try to fucking just go to the gym for 20 fucking minutes Alex I can't I would rather sleep in in the morning and try to get that extra fucking hour so I'm not exhausted while I'm working all day and then by the time I'm done my work days at like what seven o 'clock at night I'm gonna go to the gym no I'm gonna sit my ass on the fucking couch drink a bottle of wine and watch fucking love island I've been really struggling so daddy gang if you're also struggling I just want to say hi hello it's me it's Alex I feel ya I see ya it's not fun I don't know if anyone else experiences this but like I do not feel whatever you call it endorphins from working out I don't feel it I don't feel happier after I work out I don't feel oh so glad I did that I don't I literally do not feel happier um I don't and I don't know what like should I go to the doctor I don't know so when everyone's like oh like just go and and like for example Matt has to work out or his mental health he's like I feel like shit I feel stressed I gotta go run I'm like you feel when I feel stressed I want to sit on my couch and eat a bag of fucking chips and just watch reality tv to take my mind off things working out when I'm stressed get the fuck out of here so I'm trying to rewire my brain and I've realized that doing things with friends is fun, especially in your 20s.

17:00I texted my friend Kazzy, David, who has been on the show before, and I said, listen, I need you to force me to work out. Kazzy is someone that works out religiously and has not to objectify my friend right now and be creepy but Kazzy has the best fucking body she has abs she has a toned ass she's the girl that I'm like fuck you you are so fucking diligent and routine and you're just so good at working out and it's a priority for her in her life and so I was like if I spend time with Kazzy and I ask her to do friend workouts with me I bet it's gonna be easier for me to start working back out so I don't know if this is your sign but buddy system is the way to go I'm having more fun doing the class so I get to talk to Kazzy every day that we're doing it together I'm not enjoying working out and I think that's okay like I don't need to become a gym rat I don't need to start going to Lululemon and buying a plethora of leggings I'm just gonna go I'm gonna move my body and that's that that's kind of the the 411 I have missed you guys and I'm sorry that I haven't put out a Sunday episode I'm just not gonna lie like creatively I was like I didn't want to let you guys down and I never want to let you guys down but I've just been fucking grinding so hard with work and I feel like the holidays are coming up no one wants to work but everyone has to work sometimes it sucks almost when you're you have these benchmarks of like christmas is coming or you know new year's is coming we're gonna all get off you kind of want to just check out and you're like just get me to this point and i have just felt so stressed and i'm like you know what i have nothing but love to give should we answer a couple questions this wine is pretty good cheers

19:22I have nothing else to talk about with my therapist. Okay, here we go. What do you do when you hit a therapy lull? I've been going to therapy for about two years now and my therapist and I both think I've made amazing progress. I know that I want therapy to always be a part of my life. But for the past four months or so when I attend my weekly session, I never have much if anything to work through. It's more of like a storytime catch up than actual therapeutic work. I love my therapist and again, don't want to eliminate therapy. But what do you do when you have nothing pressing to work on? Love you.

19:55Thank you, daddy. Oh, girl. What it would be like to be in your shoes all of us are like oh fuck I I get exactly what you're saying I I have actually experienced this multiple times it's almost like therapy burnout we were like oh I don't have anything I don't I don't know what to talk about I actually truly believe especially if in your you're in your 20s that there is so much to uncover about yourself and to explore and I I think sometimes we go into therapy and we talk about the things that are pressing issues and that are on our mind and our day to day. And I don't know if we dive enough into our childhood.

20:41And something my therapist I remember said to me was I actually had one of these moments where I showed up to therapy. I think it was like a year or something ago. And I said, I don't really have anything to talk about. And she was like, well, those are the best sessions. And I'm like, yeah, I've heard therapists supposedly say that when the client comes and says that. Okay, then pitch me, bitch. I didn't say that. But, you know, then pitch me, therapist. What do you want me to talk about? Because I have nothing. I don't want to put you down, my sweetheart. But, like, you're telling me that you have nothing in your life that stresses you out.

21:19How's your relationship with your mother? How's your relationship with your father? if you are privileged to even have either of them around. How's your relationship with your siblings? What were you like growing up as a child? Was there anything traumatic that you remember about your childhood that you still don't really talk about to anyone? Share with your therapist. I think that something that kind of goes like untapped sometimes is like we talk about sometimes our childhood within relation to whatever is like pressingly going on in our life sometimes. but I would urge people like how do you feel about your sexuality are you enjoying your sex how's your relationship do you have a relationship how's your dating life what are you looking for like if you're in a relationship are you happy what could you work on like I just feel like there's so many things in life of like how do you think your friends view you how's your social life Are you pushing yourself to grow?

22:15I just feel like sometimes we rely on the issues and sometimes you don't need to have an issue in therapy. Sometimes it's just like just try to become a better version of yourself. Like how much do you actually know yourself? What is the main thing that gives you anxiety? Why does it give you anxiety? Work through that. Like there's so many things of like what happened in middle school? What were your friendships like? Have they changed? Are you sad? Do you like there's so much fucking shit that like I could go through that I think on the days that I feel like I have nothing to talk about. I look inward and think what are the things that I think about whenever I get like a tiny bit sad or lonely or if I'm laying in bed and Matt's not here and I'm like thinking about write it down start writing down shit because I just feel like something that's Sometimes we can, yes, get in a routine and the conversations you're having with your therapist become also routine.

23:13Maybe they don't ask you questions. Maybe you always just talk or maybe they ask you questions and you don't really just free flow talk. Whatever. Everyone has a different therapist. But maybe you can say to your therapist, hey, I really want to continue therapy because I do want to work on myself. But I'm not going to lie. I literally don't know what to talk about. do you think maybe you could kind of help prompt like some questions or be honest with me like is there anything you think I should be working on through like sessions you obviously know me well you've been talking to me like what's something I could work on don't let yourself get complacent and it doesn't always need to be a crisis that's happening for you to talk to a therapist it can be like I'm in a really really happy place and I want to make sure I maintain this like what are things you can be doing yeah sometimes therapy it can get it can feel kind of like this like mundane thing that you're just kind of going through the motions we all have a lot of fucked up shit from our childhood I think some of the most interesting stuff that I've recently worked on in therapy is like trying to remember things that aren't core memories in my childhood and it's been pretty fascinating.

24:19If you start to think about rooms in your house or interactions or birthday parties, holidays, like things start to come up that you're like, oh my god, I forgot that. How does it make you feel? Talk about it. Because most fucking childhoods, like what person is like, my childhood was perfect. No one. I think it's an amazing question because I think a lot of people go through it, including myself. Next, I am newly married and so happy with my new husband and our relationship. My question is, is it normal to not want to socialize as much as I did prior to being married? I find it harder to connect and want to go out.

24:56We have our own hobbies outside of each other and spend a lot of time doing those hobbies and going out with mutual friends, dinners, drinks, etc. I just want to make sure I'm not losing myself in the relationship marriage and society makes me feel like I need to go out and have more friends. But to be honest, I'm just not wanting to go out a lot anymore. I also may have a tad bit of social anxiety. So that may play a part. But who knows? Smiley face girl. Hi, are you writing as me when you're going into a different chapter of your life and that being getting married and thinking about starting a family and settling down?

25:29It's such a different point in your life than you ever even could have expected. I talk with Matt it's so fascinating because he has so many friends in LA that he grew up with but there are some people that have full-blown kids now and families and maybe Matt doesn't see them as much hanging out with kind of like people that are on the same page as you becomes more normal Matt and his friends are still close but I'm thinking about like the the friends of his that have kids right now we don't have kids and so we can go out on a Friday night and and do whatever and of course you can still do that when you have kids but like I can imagine when you have kids it's like oh we're gonna stay in tonight and hang out with the kids or oh we're gonna go see a movie with our kids friends parents and all the kids like your life just starts to change there are people in this world that love to go out and love to party and love to club and that will never change even if they're married and they have children.

26:30I personally am not one of those people. I think for me, going out and clubbing was extremely motivated by I wanted to find my person and I wanted to find a relationship. And so I was I was putting myself out there and I was going out with the intention of like, I hope I find someone if not all good, I'm gonna have fun. But a lot of it was to go out and to to find someone and I think that's okay to say like I I wasn't someone that loved going to clubs I did a lot when I was younger but I was never like I am peaking I'm in the club like no it's it's not as fun as it looks I'd rather sit home and have a glass of wine with friends and be able to hear them speak um and have a bathroom to my left you know that someone's not like railing lines of cocaine it.

27:19I think when you just start to have experiences that fulfill you outside of those environments they seem very surface level and I think there's nothing wrong with loving being home and loving being with your partner and also loving have friends over instead of going out. I am a homebody and I think that maybe I could go out a little bit more. I think it's okay that you don't want to go out as much and I don't think that you should feel pressured I think again we look on social media which is just the main form of consumption of like socializing it feels like nowadays like people don't leave the house but somehow you know what everyone was doing because you're on social media and so you're just looking at people and they're just posting shit that like they're not maybe they're not even at that fucking bar they probably are posting a picture of drinks from six months ago to make their their fucking side piece jealous that they think they're out at the bar and they're really just fucking pimple cream on laying in their bed like I think you always have to take it with a grain of salt um how many times have you posted while you're out and actually not been having fun listen I get it my single girlies like you got to put in that work and and maybe if you are single and you also don't enjoy the clubs and the bars like maybe you're just starting to go on more dates and you're going to more coffee dates just things that aren't such drinking culture I feel the same way I feel like it's exhausting and I'm never actually genuinely having the most fun ever unless I'm with my girlfriends and we go to dinner but I never want to actually stay out late anyways I want to come back I want to have a couple more glasses of wine or a glass of wine at my house and all of us go to bed I don't know I don't think you should feel stressed out that you're not partaking in that kind of stuff because you did at one point in your life and if you didn't it's probably because you didn't even want to and that's okay.

29:11Don't ever feel like a fucking loser for not going out. I, every time I'm out, want to go home half the time, half the time. A lot of times I am out, I do have fun. If I'm at dinners with people I actually like and then I am having fun. But once the dinner's over, I'm like, oh, get me home. I unbutton my pants mid-dinner and I'm ready to put on my fucking sweatpants and get in bed and take a fucking edible. Who gives a fuck what anyone else is doing what makes you happy I think it's okay to be really content and happy with your husband I think that's really cute and of course don't neglect your friendships but that is your primary relationship and you are creating a life with this person and you're at an interesting point in your life where you are thinking about the next step in life and so yeah I wouldn't want to go to the club either even if you're not fucking settling down and you're listening to this and you're single and you feel like you can't hang with drinking culture I'm here to tell you it's not all that it's cracked up to be and don't feel like you have to go to events and be seen and be like the fuck no find what's what makes you happy and and that's all that fucking matters okay daddy gang you know the motherfucking drill I will see you fuckers this Wednesday goodbye

30:38Thank you.