Am I Settling in My Relationship?

0:00Sunday morning, Father's calling. do do do do do do do do every sunday's father's day that was pretty good right daddy gang welcome back to another sunday session with your father happy christmas eve i cannot believe that we're even finally here i feel like christmas time is obviously my favorite time of year and i'm just so happy to get to celebrate it kind of with you guys today. I hope everyone is feeling happy. And if you're feeling lonely, you have me today. Okay. I'm all you need. Just a little father daughter bonding time. I'm so excited for this week's episode because I was thinking about, is it too much to put this type of conversation out on Christmas Eve?

0:49And I'm like, no, this is exactly what you need. And what am I talking about daddy gang? I'm going to have a fatherly conversation with you this Sunday, really whip you back into shape, okay? Tis the motherfucking season. And it's the season of giving and happiness and Christmas trees and Hanukkah. But it's also breakup season, bitches, okay? You are probably like, God damn, Alex. Can you just like unwrap a couple presents and let us sail into Christmas with a smile on our face? Daddy gang, you know me. I'm always going to keep it real with you and I'm always going to try to push you to be better because I'm always trying to push myself to be better as well.

1:36Okay. We're in this together. There is truly no better time to break up than right before or during or right after the holidays. Okay. I know we're kind of in the thick of it right now. Watch you like listening to this and like your boyfriend sitting right next to you and you're like, fuck, like I know tomorrow's Christmas, but I guess I got to dump him. Maybe you do. Okay. as your father it's my duty to give you this yearly PSA it's usually I feel like around this time of year um that I tell you guys to break up with people I also feel like it's usually the time of year that I make my brother break up with his girlfriend Grant's like can you leave me out of your content absolutely not this is important Grant you're an example for the entire daddy gang every single time around this time of year I force my brother to break up with his girlfriends my brother always would get that call around I would say like October and I'm like it's coming up we've got Thanksgiving and we've got Christmas what are you gonna do Grant what are you gonna do and he knew what he had to do because I just knew why are you gonna bring someone around Christmas time that you know you want to break up with and I know it sounds weird it's like just get through the holidays but why get through the holidays with someone that you know you're never gonna to spend the rest of your life with.

2:51Do you know what I mean? End it. Move on. Start over. New Year's resolution. Single. Ready to fucking mingle. So unfortunately, my brother doesn't have anyone for me to force him to break up with this year. So daddy gang, instead, I'm coming for your throats. It is time to open your eyes and ears and hearts to a type of relationship that I feel like so often just honestly really just slides under the radar but it is truly something I think that deserves and warrants and requires a breakup okay today I want to talk about something it's it's quiet it's subtle sometimes it's there and you don't even know it the sneaky settle

4:00What the fuck is the sneaky settle? Okay, the sneaky settle, in my opinion, is a relationship that feels fine. There isn't necessarily a standout issue, but there also isn't any passion, intimacy, or a romantic connection. It's this mindless coexistence held together by convenience and by history. you can think about that one couple that you know or maybe I am directly speaking to you today daddy gang it's the couple that they've been together for as long as you can remember but when is the last time that you saw them hold hands you've definitely rarely seen them kiss and if you do it's like a quick peck like how you kiss a fucking family member goodbye and And honestly, if you saw them out at a bar, you'd probably just assume that they were friends.

5:03There's like a constant six inches between them at all times. There's absolutely no touching, basically. I know a lot of people don't love PDA. I am that type of person. And like people get nervous being super affectionate in public. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a complete and just like total lack of chemistry. No vibe, no spark. it's just like this couple also doesn't fight often or really ever but maybe that's more so because they don't really actually talk to each other like obviously they chat but they don't get into anything real or substantial right there's no depth there it's just like never-ending fucking small talk that feels cozy it's like how was work today it was fine when do you leave tomorrow for your guys trip yeah around 5 p.m cool I'll see you on Sunday let's watch a movie like it's honestly giving that roommate that you are totally chill with and they're a great roommate and you guys have your routine and it's all great and your friends but the issue is daddy gang this is not your roommate it's your boyfriend of four fucking years this couple's idea of date night is watching a movie while probably simultaneously like scrolling through their fucking phones and eating dinner without talking without touching honestly she's probably really happy when he falls asleep on the couch so she can like change the channel to her favorite reality tv show and she's like perfect we don't have to have sex tonight I'm good I'm on my own let's go because their sex life also it's not great I think what's so hard and I understand if people are listening to this and it's like difficult to hear it's like I think when you think of people that are like sneaky settling like you can tell sometimes with these type of people like maybe they rely on alcohol to spice up their sex life or maybe it just gets to the point where it's just like a box to check and they're just going through the motions of like okay well we're in a relationship we have to have sex and I just want to say first of all like I totally get that sometimes the busyness of life gets in the way or sometimes you get into like a little rut with your sex life with your partner I totally get that but the difference that I want to emphasize today is like daddy gang when you do find the time and you do have sex you should feel closer to your partner you should feel connected and maybe it even like helps you get out of that lull once you guys are like all right we're back on the horse we're having sex again but this couple that I'm describing to you the people that are settling they aren't feeling any closer after sex it isn't moving the needle for them they're just kind of like checking it off their to-do list until the next time they have to have sex and there's no passion in this sex I bet there's no fucking eye contact like if you're doing missionary with this person and you guys are like besties that have settled together like you're not like eye fucking each other during missionary his head is kind of like in the fucking pillow next to you so you don't have to look at each other there's no talking during sex I bet and then the minute that he comes because I know like how would you even be coming from this situation both of you just immediately jump out of bed wash yourselves off and continue on with your day or your night you go to bed and finally what I think is probably the biggest giveaway here is when you ask this friend how their relationship is if you're talking to a friend that's settling they'll just be like oh it's fine and when you try to ask more information or more details there's just not a lot they can offer up because they're like we've been together for so long you know how it is like I mean that spark always dies out at some point right like but at least it's not toxic and I'm not having to go out and play the game and date like my other friends like there's and there's also no way that I would ever find someone I'm more comfortable with like that's kind of their mindset and daddy gang I think it's time for a wake-up call if you're out here talking about your relationship saying well at least we're comfortable you're probably not what you actually are I feel like is complacent and I think we should just talk about the difference between being comfortable and being complacent and I just want you guys to know also like I'm not judging you at all I've been here I've had friends be here and it's like so fucking difficult to get out of these situations because again like you are mistaking complacency for comfortability and I think being comfortable in your relationship is not necessarily a bad thing I talked about this in another solo episode I did the um the toxic relationship boot camp.

9:52We so easily mix up feeling safe with feeling bored because we think that the little like thrill or rush of anxiety is the same thing as a romantic spark, which I told you guys in that episode, like, no, it's not. Like, you shouldn't feel sick to your stomach. Like, that's different than butterflies, okay? But I will say it again, safety and security in your relationship is a good thing. Feeling like you can express your wants and needs without some type of retaliation is healthy. Feeling like you can be yourself in front of your partner is amazing. That is what we want, daddy gang, but not complacency.

10:37That is not it. I feel like complacency, in my opinion, is like being in a relationship where there's no growth. When you say the relationship is so easy, if I was doing this with my girlfriend and she like asked me to do it I think my first thing would be to be like okay I want you to ask yourself what exactly is easy in the relationship are tough conversations easy or are you just not having tough conversations do you know what I mean like oh we we talk all the time what do you talk about do you ever do you have more deep conversations with your mom or your partner because this is the time in your life where it should start to be your partner and if you're constantly running to a family member instead of your primary partner like that should tell you that you're not having tough enough conversations with your primary partner like is getting through big life changes together easy or are you not even talking about them because you're always just kind of sliding into them we each got a new job like oh my god congrats okay like it's just you're not actually talking like you're a partnership It's more just like, here we go.

11:45We're doing it. We're just doing life. I would always, I would ask my friend, like, is communicating your wants and needs easy or is it just easy because you literally never fucking talk about it? Like, I worry that a lot of my friends and myself, when I look back, like when you're settling, you talk more to either your friend or your parent about your wants and your needs. And this person is just your couch buddy at home and your best friends. There's no denying that. but I feel like you're not pushing each other to be better and when you say the like oh the relationship is so easy I feel like we just have to start to look inward and be like maybe what we mean by that is the relationship is completely stagnant it's flatlined and this I hate to say it and I when I do think about it because I when I look at myself back in the day or look at my friends I'm like this is a type of toxic it's toxic because you're you kind of like stop holding each other accountable for things because you're just used to the relationship being exactly how it was like there's no reason to try to change anything in the dynamic like we're good but it's like okay let me give you an example of what I feel like this would look like say you're out with your friends and your boyfriend says something that like just really doesn't sit right with you you're like maybe it's a joke he says that doesn't land or like whatever it is you just like didn't like it that night but when you guys get home instead of bringing it up to him and telling him why it hurt your feelings you just let it slide you're like it doesn't matter anyways like this is how he is like we've been together for so fucking long it's not like this makes any different he's not going to change I'm just going to drop it let's go to bed.

13:37I feel like this is just like a perfect example of how when you're sneaky settling, you're not having fights in the relationship because you're just avoiding any and all opportunities for conflict. When you're settling, I feel like in those moments, deep, deep down, you know, if you started to press and you start to have more intense conversations and you try to push your partner, this shit would start to unravel. And that's why you just don't do it. You're like, just let it be. We're besties. We're good. We're comfortable. But I just want to say, daddy gang, like whoever needs to hear this today, like just because you're not fighting, that doesn't mean the relationship is good.

14:17So I just feel like don't confuse the lack of fighting with this like magical, healthy thing. Sometimes when you're not fighting, it's actually because you don't fucking care enough to fight. and I think that's possibly one of the scariest places to be in a relationship and it's not like like again I said you're not scared of retaliation or because it's going to be some like explosive argument or that's like a pattern in your relationship you're doing it because you've literally just become too willing to look past things and you have just like a standard in your mind of like this is fine this this'll do like we're good I don't know I feel like it just gets to the point where if you let the small things keep piling up on each other and nobody is addressing them and nothing is changing and everything is the same you can kind of learn to just coexist and I guess I would just also ask you this daddy gang like are you accepting shit from your relationship that you would never fucking accept from your friends like do you find yourself holding your friends to a higher standard than you're holding your boyfriend of five fucking years I feel like that is like so common with sneaky settling because you almost make friendships your primary source of fulfillment or even maybe it's your family like your friendships or your family relationships are where you're really feeling love and enthusiasm and you have fun and that's what keeps you going and that's what's kind of like filling your tank and obviously friendships are so important and you should absolutely be spending time and energy cultivating and sustaining them but I think there comes a point in time when you get older and we get busier and we're more stressed out and your friends move and things change and then next thing you know you need someone to have fun doing the mundane shit with and you look at fucking Bradley over there and you're like huh like but we're comfortable I like we're good like it works but does it and I feel like then you get to a place where it's like now you're dependent on this guy that you don't even actually maybe you don't even actually want to hang out with half the time but he's all you have so you stay and again you are friends like you like this person I think this is why it gets so confusing like he's your best friend but he's not your main source of happiness or fulfillment nor should any relationship be but you just like objectively kind of let him stay stagnant and you rely more on your friends and on your family to bring this side of you out to fulfill you and you don't really care if he comes or he doesn't because it's like sure come don't come like.

17:14I just think if you're never gravitating towards him in a room out of just like lust and excitement and love and passion and it's just more out of comfort and like he knows you but then it's like does he know you like do you even know yourself if you've been in this relationship for this long do you just know the version of yourself that's settled into this type of relationship I think when you're in a complacent relationship you can stop pushing yourself forward as a human being and that is actually the beginning of you starting to lose yourself and your own identity and that I think is why like I want to have this conversation today because I've just seen too many people in my life go through it and when they're on the other side of it talking with them about it They're like, fuck, like, thank God I got out of that.

18:06And I feel like if you today are listening and you're like, Alex, you're being kind of dramatic right now. Like, trust me, daddy gang, I am your friend and I'm not being dramatic. Like, you need to be constantly growing with someone, not playing it safe and staying in a stagnant relationship just because it's easier than moving on. What happens when you've been dating Daniel for the past five years and neither of you have grown or matured at all you've basically stayed the same age mentally for the last five years that is not cute what happens in the next 10 years like I feel like when you do this you're essentially giving up on yourself and you're holding yourself back from reaching your full potential because you're literally not moving forward and how could you you're with someone that you guys keep each other right in the same fucking space you were when you met and what makes me sad is who knows what opportunities that this complacent relationship is holding you back from like who knows you could be missing out on new friendships new experiences new places to live or to travel even new jobs or the fucking love of your life I've had friends in these situations and I've asked them like are you madly in love with this person is this the love of your life and I think a lot of times you know the answer if it's not immediately yes I've heard the answer a lot like well I do love him and he's my best friend but I don't even know if I believe in that type of stuff like I don't know I don't know like if I believe in like I'm madly in love and like the love of your life shit and I'm here to tell you daddy gang yeah you don't believe in it because you've never felt it like if you I promise you it exists and I promise you I've been where you're sitting if this is hitting home for you right now we're like you actually are just too scared to leave something that feels comfortable but I'm telling you if you leave and you push yourself you actually will then be like oh my god imagine if I hadn't left it also isn't fair I think or healthy to either of you because like Like I said, it is ultimately holding you both back from finding that spark and that person that's going to be there to support you and to grow with you.

20:36And yes, sometimes they will fucking drive you crazy. But there is a push and a pull and a chemistry and an excitement for the future when you find that right person. And I think that a lot of people that get stuck in these type of settling relationships aren't actually excited for the future. Like pause and think about it for a minute. If you feel like, okay, maybe this could be relating to me. Like maybe I am settling. Like, are you excited for your future with this person? Like, do you think like, oh my God, I'm so excited to grow old with them. I'm excited. I'm doing life so right. Like, or are you a little anxious all the time?

21:15maybe it's because you know like oh my god when I met this person I'm gonna be in the same fucking place when I'm in my 40s and my 50s and my 60s with this person like we're not growing together and it doesn't mean either of you are bad people it could literally just mean you are not meant to be together because you're not allowing each other to grow and it's a weird thing it's kind of this like arbitrary concept where you're like there's nothing tangible to explain but like you see it you we all know the friendships that were like oh they fucking settled like they're not even like in love they're just like doing life and I think complacency is easy but by doing this you're accepting surface level you're basically saying that you're okay with a complete lack of depth in your relationship in your life and I would say since meeting Matt I've realized depth really is the best part of a relationship it's what helps you feel connected and seen and like you're making each other better versions of yourselves depth is also what can take a relationship to a partnership I so get it daddy gang like I hope you know I'm not judging you if you're listening to this like it is so fucking hard to leave a relationship that you're used to and that has no visible issues that's the biggest mind fuck like and by that I mean nobody cheated or stole from you or did anything actually really bad at all that would normally force a breakup and make it easier to end it that's what's even more annoying is like you kind of got to start to convince yourself that like you almost sit there I feel like probably at night and it's like everyone that's settling has those moments where you're like am I with the right person like I know I love him but like is this my person and then you're like but I think people start to force themselves to be like but there's no reason to blow up my entire life and start completely over like why would I leave him he's so good to me why would I feel heartbroken and uncomfortable if I don't have to.

23:26Sure, you're not crying in the shower every night and like getting in screaming fights, but you do have those constant thoughts of what if. When you're laying alone at night or you're driving home, little moments creep up and it's like, what if I just started over? What if I did find someone that made me feel this way? Something I also realize that's difficult is when I say like nobody cheated nobody did anything so it's hard to leave I do think that you can have a conversation with this person for sure I think what's difficult is you both love each other there's no doubt about that I think having a conversation with this person is probably the right thing to do so that they're not blindsided if you do end it I just think for yourself there's only so much someone can change I think when you're settling a lot of times it does come down to compatibility like you're both so compatible as couch buddies as besties as roommates as like you're just that is the vibe and I personally feel it's really fucking hard to switch a relationship back to romance and love and passion and and and something that feels more like love of your life type shit But I think you could talk to this person and be like, listen, I'm feeling like I love you so much.

24:57You're my best friend. But I feel like we're so complacent. It's like we're best friends and we're like living life side by side doing our thing. But like I don't know if we're growing together. I'm worried that in five years you and I are going to be the same people because together we're not pushing each other. And I don't think it's either of our faults. I think that the sad thing is like, number one, you don't want to be with someone that wants to settle. If you have that type of conversation and they're like, what are you talking about? Like, I feel like everything's good. Red fucking flag run.

25:33That's your first like, then it really should be over. Because if this person doesn't feel it, get the fuck out. If they do say to you like, I've been feeling kind of the same way, for sure. You can try things like try to spice it up. Try to do more like cute little dinners together. It doesn't have to break the bank. like cook have wine nights like whatever it is that will make you feel more romantic I just think and I hate to say it and this is just my personal experience but when you know in your soul that you're comfortable with someone and there is not that like like Matt still walks into this day and we've been together for almost four years and I'm like oh my god like I get giddy and butterflies around him to this day I still like want to impress him and like I think that you should feel some type of insane intimacy with someone you want to feel like this is the closest person in your life and you shouldn't settle for a best friend so you can have a conversation with them but the unfortunate part is I think one person in the relationship needs to take the reins to try to shift it and if the other person isn't like wait I so see what you're saying and you guys try to shift it up and if it doesn't shift it up have a have a goal being like we're gonna move on if we can't we're let's spend the next six months trying to rehabilitate this and if it doesn't work we love each other so much and but like maybe it's time to move on I don't know though I guess I would just say there's nothing stronger than your gut you can have all the conversations in the world but if in your gut you're trying to force something or you're trying to avoid something that is pretty fucking obvious I just feel like you we know we know we know when something's not right we love it sometimes in the moment because like again it's comfortable or like oh we live together and like rent's easy or like oh I don't want to go out and start over dating I don't want to go clubs.

27:35I don't want to get on the apps. And like, he's right there. Like I'm going to keep him. You're just giving up on yourself. Go through the uncomfortable, go through the pain, go through hating people you're sitting across from at a dinner table, having dumb ass conversations on dates to eventually find that one person. Because what I can also say is if you're in a settling situation that also lets me know you're not at your best. Why? If you're at your best, you wouldn't be settling you wouldn't be accepting this for yourself so there's also like a lack like a lack of accountability I think when we're settling where we're kind of just like this is this is good this is safe this is easy well if you put yourself out there you're gonna then grow and you're gonna become more independent and you're gonna become almost like a better version of yourself individually that then you're also gonna attract a hell of a lot of different energy than the person that's your couch buddy once you put yourself out there and this shit could take years I'm not kidding you like this shouldn't just be like you end it with them and then oh we found that person a couple months later like this could take a long fucking time but wouldn't you and by a long time what two years three years most of the people I'm talking to are in their 20s or 30s or 40s right now bitch if we're gonna be fortunate enough to live till 90 like I'd rather be miz for two years pushing through grinding it out to then find that person and be like all right I didn't fucking settle so have conversations if you need to but your gut is never wrong

29:34If you're listening to this episode right now and you're like, okay, well, my Christmas Eve is fucked. This is my relationship. This is exactly how I feel. Don't freak out. Like you don't have to end the relationship right now. Okay. I would just say, I hope you feel empowered to make a move and do something about it somewhat soon. Or at least pause and really reevaluate things and start to think about having those difficult conversations. And the difficult conversations may literally start with yourself. Your relationship should be inspiring and exciting. You should want to be the best version of yourselves and grow and learn and experience new things together and push each other.

30:20And complacency isn't fucking cute, daddy gang. and it might feel comfortable right now, but one day you're going to wake up and realize that you haven't grown at all, you haven't taken any risks and that you wish you could get all that time back. I know this is a lot and I just want to sit with you for a minute to talk through it a little bit more because I understand that when I've had this conversation with so many friends and you are like, you start to spiral. I get it. Are you madly in love with this person? Just pause and think about it. Is he the love of your life?

31:06I think if you don't immediately say yes and you know your answer, Daddy Game. And I know there's so many complicated parts that go into relationships, but I really at a point believed that like that didn't exist. and and I think that it's worth being alone and spending obnoxiously an amount of hours having to go on shitty fucking dates and restarting and hating being alone and being like I wish I could go back to him but why because you're comfortable with him because it was complacent because you guys were really good buddies on the couch and he was your bestie you can find a lot of good best friends I'm so happy that I got out of something that I thought would make a lot of sense and I really loved the person but I was like but it's so safe with him and I love him and it will just it'll be good like it'll be a good life he wasn't the love of my life though and I knew that and the minute I walked away from him I knew it was gonna be hell like I knew he was such a good option for me I just knew though in deep in my heart he wasn't my life partner I just knew it and on paper everything worked with the two of us and the minute I left him I just remember being so fucking scared and literally leaving some dates like crying like I was like oh my god I need to go back to him but then I would be like but if I go back what's gonna change he's the same I'm the same we are not fucking growing together and I bet if he finds a different woman and I find a different man we'll both grow and then months later I met Matt and I really truly believe daddy gang it's like you just can't fucking settle because I promise you when you find the right person you won't be thinking could what what if could I get a little better so maybe spend this time reflecting and whether you know you start to use the holidays maybe you're not with your partner right now and don't text as much and try to take some time and talk to people that you're closest to like I think sometimes we don't want to ask our friends or our family members that we're closest to the hard questions but if you turn to your friend and said okay I know you've always been close with me and you support me and him can I now ask you as my best friend I promise you will not hurt my feelings tell me fucking straight up do you think this is right for me do you think I'm settling like do you think this is the person I should be spending the rest of my life with just like as my best friend I would love to hear it because you know our fucking think of yourself with your best friend You see their shit so clearly, but as friends, you have boundaries.

33:51I'm never going to go up to my friend if I know she's in love and be like, he's not the right one for you. Even if I feel that way, friends don't fucking cross that line unless they're fucking cunts. So like if you maybe ask your family members or someone you're close with, like open the floor to them and be like, I've been struggling with and thinking about this. Can you talk to me for a minute? Hear what the closest people in your life have to say. because I bet if you open it for them they'll be like I love you so much I've kind of been waiting for you to see this yeah like you guys are so great you're best friends but like I just feel like you guys aren't in love like I feel like it's more of a friendship or it's more you're settling and that I think is if you really look inward why don't you ask your friends for their opinion it's because you know their opinion and that is the worst fucking feeling in the world so if you're avoiding the people closest to you maybe that is the first step if you don't want to be alone with your thoughts have them over for coffee or go to lunch and be ready for the honest truth and you can't be mad at them when you ask them to tell you it because if they tell you it again they've been thinking this for a really long time and that is a fucking friend that you should keep close to you friends or your friend doesn't want to fuck your settling boyfriend with you like she actually is going to be like girl I fucking love you but like and I love him but you two together it ain't it listen to them so daddy gang I love you I can keep talking more with you guys if you have questions please write in but like again I just want to always make sure like I'm never judging you guys I'm always coming from a place of I've experienced this and my friends have experienced this and I I was talking about it with Lauren actually the other day because we were talking about her situation where she had almost settled.

35:38And like Lauren was like, can you imagine? Can you imagine if I was still in that relationship? And it was seven fucking years. And now she's like. And now I found my person because I took a risk and it was awful. It was awful for a little bit there with Lauren. And she doesn't care that I'm sharing this. Like it was really fucking tough for Lauren for a really long time. And the dates were awful. And the people she was meeting were fucking dicks. And it was like everything in her should have wanted to run back to him. But when you also have a friend, like I, we just were like, we made it our pact.

36:15I was like, I'm going to fucking be there the whole time. And whenever you want to text him, you text me. And we're going to just get through this together. So I think sometimes when you think about restarting, you feel like you have to do it alone. and what I actually feel like is you isolate yourself so much when you're settling or if you're in those toxic situations that the minute you're out of it you have such a community of best friends and family members around you that the minute that you're starting over and you're alone bitch you're not alone everyone's about to rally you don't have something to do on a Friday night yeah you do you've got your girlfriends you've got your family members and when I say girlfriends it's okay you just need one fucking friend daddy gang it's okay if you don't have a girl group like that's okay do you have one friend you can call them if not call me okay I love you guys I hope this maybe had you know your wheels turning a little bit you started to think you started to figure out maybe you need to make some different decisions and start to think about those things and I think that's good because if I can help you guys start to maybe re-evaluate and know your worth and know what you deserve it's all I want to do so I love you guys I wish I had someone that made an episode like this when I was going through it and I was just thinking about you guys during this holiday season I'm like the daddy gang needs to hear it so stay strong out there daddy gang you deserve the fucking best do not fucking settle and I'm just really sorry I just needed to get that off my chest because like I said I want the best for you and I think it's really important to hit you guys with the truth that settling is toxic and I think people in these situations like to believe it isn't toxic it is because it's toxic to your personal growth so daddy gang I love you so much um I'm gonna be back January 10th with a new episode which is very exciting I cannot wait to see you guys but until then we're gonna have some amazing reruns coming up for you guys and just um love ya I will see you fuckers in the new year Goodbye.