Ariana Madix: The Vanderpump Affair

0:00Daddy gang, I am so excited because Ariana Maddox is our guest on Call Her Daddy Today. If you are a fan of the reality show Vanderpump Rules, you know exactly who Ariana is. You don't need any preface to this interview. You're ready to dive in. But for those of you who may not be familiar and have never watched the show, I got you. I get it. You're stressing out. You're like, I can't watch this interview because I'm not going to know anything. I don't know the backstory. Daddy gang, I got you. I'm going to break this down for you so you can follow along and also enjoy this episode. So here we go.

0:36Vanderpump Rules is a reality television show that is on its 10th season. Naturally, with reality shows, there's been tons of emotion and drama throughout the years. And there have also obviously been hookups, breakups, and cheating scandals. Which brings me back to my guest today, Ariana Maddox. Ariana stars on the show alongside her former long-term boyfriend, Tom Sandoval. And let me be so clear, when I say long-term, Daddy Gang, I don't mean like, oh, they've been going steady for a couple years. No, no, no. I mean they were dating for nine years. They bought a house together. They have dogs together.

1:20They were planning on freezing embryos together. And they plan to spend the rest of their lives together. That is until Ariana found out that Tom had been cheating on her for nearly seven months. and daddy gang. He wasn't fucking some stranger or some chick off of Instagram. No, it is truly everyone's worst nightmare. He was cheating with one of Ariana's closest friends and fellow cast mate, Raquel. A huge betrayal as well as a complete and total blindside, but also fucking classic, right? The boyfriend and the best friend are cheating. Awful. This affair has been secretly happening the entire time season 10 was being filmed and no one knew.

2:09But now as we've seen, the news has leaked. Everyone is dying to see how this drama continue to unfold. Somehow a news story is new every fucking week on this shit. And we've obviously seen glimpses. Almost every single castmate has spoken out about this. They have gone on podcasts, news channels, radio. I mean, this is everywhere. Even CNN and the New York Times have reported on this cheating scandal. Apologies have been posted. Sides have been taken. Everyone is extremely shook and extremely invested. But the one person that we have not heard from in long form and the most important person that we need to hear from for a sit down in-depth interview is Ariana.

2:56I also want to point out, obviously this is such a noisy scandal and everyone's like excited to hear. I just want to remind everyone, this is Ariana's life. This was her relationship. This was her best friend. And when this happened at the time, it probably felt like her world was turned upside down. So even if you don't watch reality TV, that's okay because unfortunately, this episode is extremely relatable because it's about cheating, betrayal, dishonesty, manipulation, and heartbreak. so daddy gang I'm excited to give you Ariana and I'm excited to give her a space to open up and speak about this and have a really open honest conversation so here we go let's get into it what is up daddy gang it is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her Hi.

3:58Hi. Ariana Maddox, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Hi, thanks for having me. How are you doing? I'm okay. Can you explain what the past few months have felt like to you? A roller coaster. I mean, truly like the lowest lows, I think maybe ever, maybe since my dad died that I've experienced. And then I wouldn't say the highest highs, but I would definitely say that there's been like some really amazing bright spots. And it sometimes feels like, I don't know, like a ping pong match in between those two extremes. Right. I have a tendency to like compartmentalize a little bit with emotions. It's the Virgo moon in me.

4:46But it's weird because also sometimes when I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm doing, I'm feeling good. like things are really positive then people on the internet will be like why is she must have not cared they're like mad at me for like healing but then they like you know but that's the thing is it's like everyone's always gonna have an opinion about like how you should live totally something I want to talk about is like I think so many people have had something to say for so long about this scandal like we haven't really heard from you about like start to finish in long form your thoughts everything that's gone down so today i'm hoping we can like put it all into one you're like okay let me just let's take a little rose cheers here we fucking go necessary

5:49can you take me back to the night that you found out that tom was cheating on you with your at the time best friend Raquel like I know you were at a concert of Tom's his phone fell out of his pocket someone handed it to you to just take your boyfriend's phone and hold it take us from there um so they had like one more song after that and so I was holding like my phone and his phone just kind of as a stack um and had no like there's nothing weird about that I mean we were together for nine years like me holding on to his phone his you know his laptop his you know whatever it's not weird so they had like one more song and then afterwards um I got up to go over to him and tell him like good job and uh give him his phone back and he was talking to some other of the band members so he's a little preoccupied he's a little busy and I was like okay and then literally I just in that moment I was standing in the back of Tom Tom and I just was like I don't know I was just like it felt like I like divine intervention or something because you know I've always been very hesitant to become like the snooper because I always feel like anytime you snoop in anyone's stuff even if they're not guilty of doing anything wrong you always end up finding something you don't want to find or seeing something you don't want to see and I always feel like it's a slippery slope because once you look once then you want to it becomes an addiction because I've been like that in past relationships so in this one I was always like I'm not going to do that and if I ask about something um I will you know take their word Tom's word at you know base value exactly yeah like I will be someone who trusts because I don't want to become that version of myself totally and so But in that moment, I just had this thought like this, like, go do it.

7:46This is like a time to do it. And so I went into the bathroom at TomTom. I went into one of the stalls. He had not changed the passcode on his phone. So I knew. And that's the other thing is like we knew each other's passcodes. We knew each other's. So it felt like if you were going to be the type of person who is going to have an affair or be cheating or hiding things, you wouldn't also be so readily giving of your stuff like that. And so I looked in his messages. There was nothing weird in his messages. And I was like, OK, you're being dumb, you know. And then I opened up his camera roll. And then that's when I saw what I saw.

8:24And I like busted out of the stall. And there were like some girls in there that were just trying to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And then because I didn't go to the bathroom and I thought they're going to think I'm leaving the bathroom and not washing my hands I was like I promise I didn't pee or anything I just and then I just ran out of the bathroom and went straight up to him and he was like oh hey do you want to go smoke a cigarette or something and I was like yeah I do actually and it's funny because there's a photo of him that I've seen like used in articles and stuff and it's from literally the moment I was walking up and his arms like this and I see that photo and I'm like that was literally like the moment before and then we went and then he was very we went straight out to the back behind tom tom that's when i confronted him what the fuck is this okay pause for two seconds yeah i feel like no one is saying specifically what the video is are you guys not legally allowed to be talking about what the video is i don't know ax he can i don't know i say what i'm speculating yeah i can say i think the speculation is in the camera roll there was a screen recording that he screen recorded while they were on FaceTime of them having FaceTime sex.

9:38That, that's what I'm thinking. And I think I know is what it was, but you don't have to confirm. But just to give people context that may have no idea about this drama yet. I don't know how you would. You live in Iraq, but that, so you view something like that. Can you just take me back in the stall? It's bring me to the moment where you come across realizing he's cheated on you with Raquel what were you thinking in the stall I was like shaking like full body like just like I don't know if it's anger shock like I think shock is a big part of it because I mean I've been cheated on in my life before and I've you know caught somebody before like that and like way in my past and I guess it's like that feeling I hadn't felt in like we're talking like 15 years and like it's hard to describe but it's literally like a combination of shock and anger and somehow disbelief that this is like truly what you're seeing um and yeah and then like there's just I don't know it's it's really like a huge mix of emotions it is and like did you think this was a one-off or did you immediately think this has been a relationship I mean there's no way that it could be a one-off given the closeness of like all of our relationship to her you know what I mean so there's there's no way and also to feel so comfortable doing that on a FaceTime you know there's no there's just no way of of it being like a one-time oh we just decided one day to FaceTime sex like right drunkenly I'm like who should I call well I'm gonna call Raquel and just like yeah yeah no right yeah so you start confronting him what does he say he was very he wanted us to get into a car he wanted us to get into an uber and leave immediately he was starting to call a car and then he took my phone and then i was trying to get my phone back and he ended up walking down san masente with my phone i was in like boots with a peel so i was like like freaking usain bolt being like i need my phone back like why did he take your phone because he thought because i was like oh i'm gonna tweet about this i mean obviously i'm not but you know what I mean like you say things like that in those moments you're not like of course getting I'm not calm about it you know I was freaking the fuck out um and he was very concerned about people hearing us because obviously we know we know a lot of people in West Hollywood we know a lot of people at all the different bars and we were in the back of all these bars and he was very concerned about people finding out and I was like I don't care um why would I care who am I protecting by doing that So do you both get in a car together?

12:20And where do you go? Home? Home. What happens in the car and when you get home? So in the car, we were, so I called Rachel during all of this, after I got my phone back on San Vicente. I called her and that's when I was like, if you ever gave a shit about any woman ever, about me as your friend, about literally anything, you need to tell me like when this started, whatever. Like tell me. I was hysterical. And she said, that's when she said the part about like, after the girls trip and I was like you mean when my dog died like when Charlotte passed away is what the girls trip was like the fact that that is not even on your radar at all right in describing this um and that's when Sheena came up and that's when Sheena took her phone and then said I'm gonna call you from my phone I'm throwing her phone in the gutter Sheena called me from her phone I get in the car Sheena's on the phone with me and then he gets in the car and now he's on the phone with her so all four of us are on the phone together and it's literally like why are you caring like why are you on the phone with her like who gives a shit about her right now and then that's when he he was just very dismissive um very defiant dismissive dismissive of sheena's friendship to me and to him in that moment like it was very much like just and the poor uber driver oh we should get him in here i know i remember at one point we stopped and got a pack of cigarettes because i was like i want to just i want to drink him on chainsaw you know what i mean like you get that you're i'm like one of those nights like please and he went into the gas station and i was just in the phone in the car with the uber driver at that point and i was just like are you hearing this and the uber driver was like yeah man this is great i was like whoa but like give me five star girl yeah like it was just so you get home and this is the part i think i've seen the world be so fascinated because you guys live together you own a home together so you both go home that night and is it just like a screaming war till like you fall asleep essentially yeah do you sleep in the same room no no not at that point no so you sleep in a different room and like when you're by yourself like what were you thinking oh I mean well I made sure to text um close friends of mine and of his because I was like I am not going to be in a position where and luckily because of the Sheena of it all like at least I was like no we're not keeping this a secret other people knew yeah so I was making like texts were slowly triggering like what is what is happening are you kidding me I mean I didn't sleep I mean I didn't lay down to sleep until maybe like 6 a.m that was how long we were like going at it I guess and he was just mad at me pretty much the entire time that's also I when I've been cheated on it's like when someone that has been keeping a secret for so long gets called out all they've been doing is lying and so I feel like their natural response is lean in harder to like trying to gaslight you trying to distort your reality like trying to make you feel crazy somehow and like not take accountability and somehow you're like how are we fighting how are you yelling at me like you fucked my best friend yeah and i'm like screaming crying throwing up in this moment and you're just like annoyed at the whole thing so that night ends and what we do know is like when this happened you guys were not filming anymore No.

15:52So how long after this happened did the cameras finally get in there? So this was Wednesday night. Yeah. And so it was Friday morning that cameras were at my house. Because what I could notice, because we've all been through a breakup like that, is like the conversation in the finale that we watched felt more like a breakup than like post-morning like literally go fuck yourself, like fuck you. Yeah, because there had been that little bit of that space. Back and forth. Yeah. The final conversation between you guys, it was infuriating, I think, for the nation to watch because he's blaming you being like, I lost my mojo.

16:27We never had sex. Like, I wasn't myself. I wasn't happy. And he was quite literally taking no accountability whatsoever for his actions. What was it like sitting there listening to someone as you're hurt try to deflect all responsibility for what they had done? It was awful. It was brutal. but it was also what he had been doing for that past 48 hours up until that moment so I almost kind of like knew that that's where he was headed but then listening to it in the moment not knowing what other people around me are thinking when they hear it I'm like is this am I you like you start to really question your own sense of reality and this whole thing had me like I did not at that point like that 48 hours especially that night that Wednesday night and that Thursday day like and going to that conversation without having any other like witnesses or and also being in this position where it's like my partner of nine years and one of my best friends like I my sense of reality was gone like I just did not know like what was up and what was down at that point yeah you were very vocal this season about defending Tom and Raquel when people would come to you and you like had their backs if someone would have come forward and I know this is a hypothetical but if someone would have come forward and told you about the fair do you think you would have believed them or do you think you had to like see it yourself to believe it I think I would have believed it if it was told to me off camera or if it was told to me you know what I'm saying because I think to some degree a lot of what I felt was rumors and rumblings was which has happened before people being like okay I heard a little something about something but I'm gonna bring it up because that's our job is you know we bring up everything that we hear about and a lot of times it's nothing and I was like well if it's nothing I'm not gonna have like my friend and my boyfriend be like dragged through the mud I get what you're saying it's almost like being on reality tv for so many years you become almost more accustomed to this is obviously for content this is for the show this is for the show this is drama this was like you're not actually gonna believe that kind of shit so if it was genuine it would have come off camera right or would have yeah it would have been a friend who's like i'm gonna end up bringing this up on camera but i need to tell you but i need to tell you first because i think it's actually really real and i think that that's something that like my close friends would have done okay so i got it yeah okay i do want to take a step back because as much as we're talking about like in the weeds of like this affair you were in a relationship for nine years with this man and you guys were friends before you got into a relationship what was it that first initially attracted you to Tom I just thought he was so earnest in everything that he did and I found it really like endearing that he would be over the top in making a cocktail or over the top in just everyday parts of life like I thought it very endearing and and sweet almost um and i also thought he was a really good friend to the people close to him and i thought that that was a really good quality yeah how would you have described your relationship with tom to someone i would have described it as like we used to call each other like apocalypse buddies you know like the person that all shit goes to hell and this is a person that you can rely on that you want with you who's going to continue to like make you laugh and get through all of what life has to throw at you and like honestly even right up until me finding out about this affair like even during while the affair was going on we were still like laughing together you know having like our little we had so many like little inside jokes and things like that and I mean if you were to go through like either of our camera rolls you would see just like so many even during the affair amazing fun memories together what was your sex life like in the beginning and then like as your relationship progressed I mean in the beginning I was definitely struggling with I was very excited that someone was like really I thought really into me because the relationship I was in previously that sex life was fine but at the same time I was being like criticized very heavily about my body my personality just everything.

20:52And so I was like, oh my gosh, this is somebody who's like really into me. And so that was very exciting. And I think that our sex life waxed and waned at different points. I definitely think that, you know, got to a point sometimes where, you know, I just wanted that quality time so bad. And I just think that in my mind, I thought, well, if we get through opening this bar, if we get through all this stuff, like then we'll be able to have all this time together and I felt like he just was adding more and more things to his plate and I just didn't I don't know I felt like I'm like oh well he's just not into me yeah it's like you lose the connection almost and I think that's something because there's so many things you just said first is from your past relationship going with someone that was very vocal about things they didn't like about you or your body or your personality like that takes a toll on your self-confidence so then to meet this guy that's larger than life and funny and jokes and is so into you it's like I totally understand that allure and like you feel like alive and like happy and good with yourself in the season I think probably one of the hardest scenes for women specifically to watch was that scene with you and Raquel where you open up to Raquel as your friend at the time again to people watching Ariana did not know about the affair yet and you voice that you feel insecure about your body and you say you know why would he want to have sex with me and for and watching her speak to you knowing she was fucking your partner is so painful to watch but I when I watched that I felt so bad for you because I'm like did Tom not make you feel confident and make you feel good it felt like you know he would complain about frequency of sex and it felt like he wanted to have sex but I was like but do you want to have sex with me is it about me or is it just about the act and that's where I was like okay so but what is it about he wasn't really great with like the words of you know like descriptors I'm like be specific like what do you like you know like like what do you like about me yeah like I need to know those like I want to know those things or I would be like okay well do you like you know people have said that they think I have a nice ass I don't know if I agree with that but do you agree with that do you and he would like be very turned off by the idea of me like being like can you do you like right like that part of me or like what are the you know right and I think that it wasn't coming necessarily from a place of like he didn't like my body I just don't think he knew how to express or maybe that's just a disconnect there and like yeah love languages or how to like click in that way because i get what you're saying but i also to any fucking guy listening to this it's like when your partner is so clearly being like i need some reassurance i don't know the last time you've given me a compliment that's also like a hey wake up like you want sex well why would i have sex with someone that i don't know the last time i felt like pretty in front of me like can you objectify me maybe like call me fucking hot right or like he would say things like oh nice outfit when I was naked or changing he'd be like nice outfit and I'm like I get the joke but like that's not it's not connect that's not gonna like no really get me there something that really pisses me off is when men try to justify their cheating by being like but we weren't having sex like I need to get my fix somewhere and like it's so often that women are deemed as the problem and of course a guy went and cheated like you weren't having sex but it's like but why weren't you having sex and so was there ever a point where tom or like the situation as you kept hearing it like we weren't connecting we weren't physical was there ever a point where you were questioning was that your fault i mean i think in the past i would have been inclined to do that but because i was had been in therapy and for years at that point i knew and couples therapy with him by the way and the couples therapist literally sat across from both of us and said this is a him problem this isn't a you problem you know there's certain things i have to take accountability for in the relationship but when it came to stuff like that it's like no this is something that he's going through that he's dealing with and don't take that on yourself like just please don't because it is my inclination to be like I'm not enough you know we all have that lie that whatever the big lie is that we all tell ourselves mine is the not enough lie and the therapist was like please don't do that right this actually has nothing to do with you yeah I know hindsight is obviously 2020 and it's like you can look back and try to but like were there any signs of red flags in the beginning of the relationship that you now see I think in the beginning it was like you know he likes to go out a lot um and I thought that that was just like the phase of life that we were in um and I would have thought that nine years later we would be in a different phase I think I'm in a different phase in my life.

26:22I still like to go out and have fun. I go to festivals. I party. I have a good time. But like as far as like going out during the week, just for the hell of it, it's not anyone's birthday. It's not like a dinner and drinks. It's just like a – that's just not where I'm at anymore. And I thought that we were in that phase together and then we would come out of it. But I feel like – You never grow up. He didn't really. Yeah. when you look back I know a huge conversation on the internet is your relationship with Tom started by him cheating on his girlfriend Kristen you guys kissed he lied to you and was like I'm not with her anymore but then it turns out Kristen was like we were fully together so and people are like oh you lose them how you got them like he cheated on Kristen he cheated on you like how do you feel looking back at how your relationship started and how people are now like are you that surprised like he did it to Chris and he did it to you well to be very clear I didn't lose him he lost me so that's right there sorry um but I think that I trusted in him so much even like as a friend back then and I trusted him so much like during our relationship that I trusted his perspective on things and I think that I was caught up in whatever he told me that whatever it was that he was telling me was what I was going with like that's not to say like I'm a smart girl like you know I could have dug deeper but I didn't um Kristen and I are very close and I love her so much and their relationship as she will tell you it was very toxic and there was a lot of cheating on both sides there whatever I love her she's amazing she's a very strong incredible woman and she has become like just such a force um I think that it's something that just goes to show that that's kind of maybe just what he does is he says things like I tried to end it or I'm and you know things like that or oh we're broken up or things like whatever it is I would like to think that maybe this thing that's happening right now will prevent him from ever doing that again with any other person just because I think it's time to put that right tactic to bed uh-huh uh but yeah when you look back I'm just thinking like do you think he's a pathological liar I mean it's hard to I mean clearly in the last seven months he was a pathological liar yeah it's now hard for me to look back at nine years and if I tell myself he's a pathological liar then I means that the last nine years of my life were potentially a lie but he did say stuff on that finale episode to Sheena like we weren't happy and we bought the house as a band-aid and I'm like a band-aid to who because that wasn't where I was at at all um or things like there There were a lot of things from his perspective that have been said in that episode and otherwise that it's like, oh, OK, well, that's maybe how you were thinking.

29:34But that's nowhere near where I was. Right. And also we're in a relationship. So you should have shared that to me because I would have loved to known that because I probably wouldn't have bought a house with you if you were like, just to be clear, babe, this is a band date. You'd been like, the fuck? like I mean like okay well maybe we should fix our relationship then now and do that right not do yeah couple therapy um you and Tom got into couples therapy this past year and after he started the affair after it was full-blown at that point I didn't know that but so when you got into couples therapy you had no idea about the affair you go in and he claims he initiated it is that true initiated couple therapy yeah yes but it had been brought up by one or both of us over years of being together yep and it's since been revealed that he got you both into couples therapy as part of his eventual plan to end the relationship what explanation did he give you as to like why he was so gung-ho ready finally for couples therapy i mean he was just we got into an argument one day well you saw on the show we had that conversation on the couch um and it was that conversation and like one other one that we have where it was like i think we should go to couples i was like absolutely i would love that we should do that but it was those things in those conversations that led us to that yep to going um and i remember specifically one session because we would do joint and we would do separate and in my separate sessions i was doing inner child work i was sobbing with her i was i mean i felt like i was making leaps and bounds and he even said oh we went to couples therapy and our relationship got so much better right but like it's like well duh right right like it's almost like a little counterintuitive that if he actually had the intention of ending it with you why the fuck are you going to couples therapy i remember even saying after one of them I was like okay so there was a session where it was it got really intense it felt like maybe we were ending and at the end of the session she was like okay so is this you know a breakup are you guys and he was like no so that's where it's like I don't I don't know can you do you mind sharing like when when you guys are fighting like because obviously you're not fighting about the affair what were your issues in the relationship my issues is that I felt like he was not choosing me over like random nights out or that he just wasn't coming home like he would want to just be at Schwartz's for no reason well now you fucking know just you know having beers and whatever or coming home and then you know I'd wake up and I'd be like where are you and i would like go down he's just downstairs like having face smoking cigarettes and probably but like you know what i mean it was just like the absentee boyfriend without and the i have to do this for work after you know it was just everything was coming before me and before the relationship and i felt like and i needed that connection and that stuff that all that stuff in order to be physically intimate and i knew that physical intimacy was something that he was saying he was lacking so I'm like I don't know how I can meet you where you need to be when I'm not being met where I need to be like how do we figure this out right it's almost like you both couldn't it was a circle it's like no but come home earlier he's like no but like I'm miserable because we don't have sex you're like but we need to hang out in order to have sex and it's just like it like what I said on the show I was like I can't teleport your dick into my vagina from the bar because if you're at the bar and I'm at home like I'm here you know maybe I'm ready and you're just not there so how do we do this right like we can't actually physically do this if you're never but like exactly so yeah so Tom did mention on that Howie Mandel podcast like things did shift you started to make an effort like what did you making an effort in his mind do you think look like?

33:42I think I just was doing my best to be present and going out with him more and trying to be more fun party time gal. You know, I was just trying to be, I don't know, like fun and hot. I don't know. Right. Dude. And like, how the fuck did you feel when you were doing that? I mean part of me was just like I mean this is fine because again I was still doing like that inner child work and it was you know I felt like that was really helping me just be like I love myself and I'm you know doing I mean that like really changed the game for me yeah when you say doing inner child work like obviously share what you're comfortable with but like what was something that you were like really struggling with that was clearly like you felt bleeding into your relationship that you were like I'm gonna work on this shit because like I want to be whole and good with myself I think like this sense of perfectionism because I mean I love my dad but my dad also like didn't come home after work and stuff and I was always like straight-a student super overachiever and I think like going back and looking at it a lot of times I did those things I mean maybe because I wanted people to be like I'll be there so I thought like if I could be the perfect girlfriend or the perfect girl that they'll come home they'll want to be around me and I'll be enough I won't have to be me tap dancing doing shrooms and hang gliding I can just be me and that will be enough it's isn't it so fucked when you get into therapy also you're like oh my god like is it this obvious of like i i'm dating a version of my dad or like i'm dating you're like how did this happen like my dad didn't come home tom's never fucking home like my yeah i mean i i hate to speak ill of my i love my dad he's a great person in so many ways but he would you know sometimes just be like okay where there's a random dive bar down the street i'd go do that instead of coming home and helping with homework but it also makes sense ariana because weirdly we are attracted to things that are familiar to us so it's like if that is what you were growing up with weirdly you're like oh i fucking got this with tom like i know how to deal with this i know i can do it the the right way like oh i can do it right this time i can kind of do it all over again and be better and be and actually he'll come home watch like all the and then it's like actually you deserve so much it's actually not on me it's on no no yeah you want someone that actually wants to come home and you don't have to beg them to be like come on like show up be there right you said that you hadn't considered ending the relationship before all this came out were you truly happy in this relationship I don't know I think I was a version of happy that I thought was I don't know what I wanted and I also felt like the bones of the relationship were good and I felt as though the potential for the relationship to be just incredible was there and I think it was the potential and the okay if we can make it through this time the Fred again song uh we lost dancing I literally the night that Tom or that Schwartz and Sandy's had the like their last like opening thing I was driving Tom home and I was like just listen to the words of this song and in the song when uh I think it's a blessing Madonna says if I can make it through this next six months what comes next will be marvelous and I literally was like if you can get through this if we can get through this opening of this bar and whatever what comes next for us will be marvelous and i i just cannot believe that he had already been having at that point he was already i don't know but it's it must be such a mind fuck where you're like which i also want because i know i've done it too where like i remember when i was getting cheated on and i didn't know it at the time and you're making such an effort you're like i feel so fucking stupid like how dare and it's like no no, no, no, you're not stupid.

38:06You were trusting the person you were in love with. Yeah. And so it's like, you also have to wrap your head around like, this wasn't your fault, but it's like also crazy now that you remember these details of you putting in so much fucking work and be like, we got this Tom. My only question though, is like nine years. Now, when you look back, cause you're like, oh my gosh. Like I was like, you know, I was obsessed with like the potential. Like I really wanted the potential nine years in, if you're still fantasizing about the potential of what a relationship could be do you now have any ability to look and be like hmm if I didn't you know what I mean like or did you feel it in the first couple years and then it dropped off like was it always like this I feel like things would kind of they would they would wax and wane they would be ups and ebbs and flows and I feel like we would have so many amazing times so then if there was like a couple weeks that were like not great or if I was like unsure about something there was so much other stuff that was great or I would be like laugh we would be laughing hysterically about something or that it was almost like I think hard to say oh this person's not right for me because I also had never been in a relationship that long before so it's hard to know like what is it supposed to be like you know because past i i think my my my longest adult relationship previous to that was i think like three years or so so it's like past that point this is uncharted territory and i'm thinking this is what it is you know when you're with someone for nine years when you're with someone for maybe potentially 10 20 right like a fucking decade decade you know things are gonna be hard sometimes i get that i actually think that's like really relatable of like you try to see the good because there is good yeah but when it's ebbing and flowing you have to be like we just have to stay strong through the hard times like we just have to make it because people say that who have been together for 50 years you have never cheated and you have like they're like the greatest love story of all time and you think like okay yeah they said that we had some hard times like sometimes you have a year that's hard right and i you know especially this past year I went through a lot and I felt like okay and he was going I felt like we were both on our own going through these things and so I thought like we'll get through this together because I mean I'm committed to this man and but you know he didn't you know he had a full other relationship going on right this season we found out a lot about your relationship there you had talked about like how at times you would go through his phone and he was open with you and he would hand it to you or then we found out on watch what happens live you were like i had the ipad password you fucking idiot like they're always so stupid um and tom mentioned you guys were only having sex four times a year and you were living pretty separate lives were you lonely yeah but no because i had my best friend so he would be so jealous of me hanging out with my best friend logan right and he would be like i feel like a third wheel when i go out with you guys and i'm like well because you you go outside and you are on the phone or you're doing you know you yeah and so it's like i don't want that for you but so i filled that i filled that absence of him not coming home and not wanting to do the same things that we wanted to do i filled that absence with the most incredible people i know which are my friends which is like such like also a beautiful thing that you had great friends but also kind of like clearly a deflector of like instead of being like we why are we never hanging out i'm just gonna hang out with my friends which is great we love your friends right because he was going and doing that you know and it was just like or but honestly though the separate lives comment yeah to me is just so not true i mean to some degree maybe yeah but when you're saying like i have to work I'm trying to open this bar and oh I have to go to dinner with Schwartz and Brett because we have to talk about the bar and then oh I thought you were going to be home right after dinner it's 12 like what are you doing oh we just went to get drinks next door at birds you know like things like that and it's like okay well but then if I again my camera roll and his camera roll because I have it right um if you look at it it's we're still we're going to concerts we're going on dinner dates where we are there is some there is effort being made somewhere of like you know right it just felt like it just wasn't enough yeah no I get it you obviously mentioned you went through a rough year you lost your grandmother you lost your dog I'm so sorry how were you mentally grieving during that time and like what was your relationship with Tom when you were grieving because I know you've been open about like when you lost your dad Tom was there he was like your rock he was in it with you he was like the person for you and this time around was very different were you concerned at all or were you just like full grieving you didn't even like give a fuck and pay attention yeah I was full grieving because my concern well with Charlotte it my dog um he was there with me he held her as we said goodbye um we literally said goodbye to her together and then we went home and I put on my comfort movie which is love actually and we drank wine and we laid on the couch together and just like mourned together and I so I thought we were like fully on the same page there i also know that like when it comes to it was the summer we do have to you know we have to film you have to go do stuff we can't just we can't stay at home forever and so a lot of times it would be like okay well i have to i'm gonna go film this i have i have you know boys night or this or that and i was like go do it because this is what we do and I maybe I'm not ready for that yet but you go do it exactly um and so I definitely had no idea that you know he would betray me during that time because I thought he was also grieving when it came to my grandma I was so concerned with my mom so I flew home to my mom and then I flew back filmed the rest of the season which was like one week left and then I flew back again to Florida and was there for like two weeks it was during the hurricane Ian and everything and I just I just extended my stay beyond the service and everything and I just my concern was really just my family when you were grieving your grandmother isn't that when Tom and Raquel apparently were like at your house or something having sex potentially potentially potentially I mean he has maintained that that's not the case but I don't trust what he says of course they facetimed me the three of them they facetimed me that next morning like before any filming or whatever so I was already aware that she had stayed the night because she it was like hey good morning yeah I stayed the night like it like it was just no big deal is that one of the most painful things for you aside from the actual fact that they were having an affair like the casualness of just like hey girl we're gonna facetime you together and they're your best friends so you're like hey guys and they like literally just fucked it's the duplicitousness it's like the it's the backstabbiness it's like less about like an affair you know what i'm saying right it's so layered and it's just really bizarre as well like it's just like i can't wrap my head around doing that it's really twisted and sick It is actually.

46:07Tom claimed he tried to break up with you multiple times. And your response would be, I'm not going to let you leave. You're going to have to force me. There was only one. Okay. So tried. Okay. He's talking about those conversations that we filmed. So the one on the brown and white. And then I don't know if that looked like an attempt to break up to you. It didn't look like it to me. And then there was another scene that didn't make it to air. that was pretty much along the same lines and that was where we like decided we were actually gonna go to couples therapy or whatever that doesn't that's not an attempt and then that was in september so then we had literally all the way up until just valentine's day i'm like january no valentine's day is in february right so i'm like what a day is valentine's where are we valentine's day he got me flowers we went to schwartz and sandy's he pulled out a bottle of wine from our first trip we ever took together it's obviously also after we had celebrated our nine-year anniversary at muso and frank's on january 1st like full you know like we we went out we had our anniversary dinner happy anniversary like great night right like like we we were having sex in january like multiple times so like so to also to confirm to everyone that's not following all this drama it's like tom really honed in being like i was really trying to break up with her like i was like sleeping in my bed and buying me flowers and we're going on an anniversary dinner and like yeah going to couples therapy and all of that so the the valentine's day right that he has referenced yeah um again got me flowers we went to schwartz and sandy's for dinner um brought a super special bottle of wine that was special to us um i got dressed up i put like little hearts on my face because he was like you look so cute um we went out for drinks later rachel showed up um as did a few of our other friends and then we went home and we were started kissing and he was like i have to stop you and then that's when he we had this breakup conversation then at the end of that conversation that was hours long and the end of that conversation was all right well let's continue this conversation you know when he was saying things in that conversation like I think I am having a midlife crisis like and I'm like absolutely and I said if we break up I'm probably going to quit the show I will probably leave Los Angeles I will probably deactivate my Instagram and he found that to be like very offensive he was saying like I don't know like I am was never saying that I was going to kill myself I was saying that my life this life will be over for me because I will go do something else I've been fantasizing about moving to like the French countryside since I was a fucking child and like honestly to be fair like in the conversation it's quite tearful it was definitely not like a positive conversation right but I'm not talking about physically harming myself and given the fact that we had that conversation over many many many hours he knows that that's not what I was saying it's not just like one comment and then we stopped talking so the fact that I feel like so many things that I've said not just in confidence it's just me and him like we could sit here and war of words all we want it's my word against his word right okay that's fair but at the same time it's like knowing me and knowing the conversation and knowing the conversations we had in the days after that well you were still sleeping in my bed and we were still going to con we went to a concert on february 19th and there's videos that he has of me like dancing in the living room and you know so it's like okay so why are you sleeping in the bed why are we continuing to hang out why do we have any sort of relationship if to you now you're going to go on a podcast and say Ariana knew we were broken up it's just like in my opinion I was like you know what I feel great about us having this open it was really a rough conversation it ended with let's keep talking about this um the next couple of days we had more conversations um I said you are going to have to if you think this is over you will have to be the one to end it because I'm committed I'm actually thinking that this is like the potential for us to like be even to be great because we're talking about stuff now that we haven't talked about yet like we've never really gotten this this far down this road before so yes if you want it to be if this is over to you like you are gonna have to like you have to do this you're gonna have to leave like that's not crazy it's like a like not all I don't we don't have to mutually agree upon the break up you know what i'm saying like not only is it not crazy ariana that was going to be my next question of like i think the whole world watching it when tom looked at sheena and was like i can't break up with her because she's threatened to kill herself first of all my problem with that even if you had said that which i appreciate you clarifying but again you didn't need to because it's like number one that's a huge fucking allegation to make about someone's mental health and to just casually say on a show when that's not the truth or it was the truth shut the fuck up I have dealt with suicidal ideation before and I have been in very very deep dark places before um so to then be flippant about it as if that's also something about me that makes me like deserve to be treated poorly is is pretty awful I think I couldn't agree more I also am like when you saw that clip how how did you feel I mean it made me angry obviously and then what Sheena said was like such a great thing like even if that was exactly word for word what I had said which no but if it was why did you do absolutely nothing to help it at all like why didn't you call my mom my brother my friends right instead you fucked my best friend right tom knows you have shared that you have struggled with your mental health i have yes you have he has clearly been next to you while you're going through things and purported to be my supporter and my partner in that why if you were going to break up why do you think you would leave everything and move like do you still well now you did break up you're not going to do that right are we going to the french countryside like where are we going where are we going where are we going i'm down but like when you said that to him you really were like i'm out because i didn't want to do I didn't want to do all of this on my own or without him and I didn't want to like just kind of like be like all right I guess I'll move into an apartment in Studio City and you know I just was like that's not what I want and I was like if this is gonna change my life dramatically not being in that relationship then I want to change it dramatically I get what you're saying it's like I also appreciate, I think a lot of people can relate to this.

53:36Randomly, sometimes when you have the worst fights of your life with your partner, it does feel like you can see the light at the end of the tunnel because you're like, we have never been this candid. We have not spoken in this way. So almost it allows for a dialogue where you're like, weirdly, we went backwards to kind of go forward. We're having progress. That is literally where I was at. I was literally where I was at because I'm also thinking to myself, a nine-year relationship is not a relationship that ends on a with a drunken valentine's day but by the way we were wasted when we got home that night so i'm like that's you don't just have one wasted conversation and end a nine-year relationship right so right i but to him i he was clearly and obviously in that conversation there was nothing brought up about him having an affair with anyone right so it's almost like the whole thing the whole thing was nonsense and i remember asking i was like why did you get me flowers if you were like i'm going to break up with her and he was like well i really i wanted to get you flowers you just i was like oh my god he really it really feels like he really wanted to have both i think so i think he was very committed to the double life i agree because do you actually believe he was going to end it before the reunion i don't know honestly it's like hard to know i do think that i've seen i've seen some things i've learned some things even after filming the rain tell us come on give us the tea um one of those things is um a text message from rachel to tom saying i just talked to a mutual friend i won't name them and they said that you should be honest with ariana maybe not so much about all the details like sleeping in the house together but that she deserves to know about this and then it's like i love you you got this Oh so kind Just so so generous so I think it was only in that last little bit there right before I found out that it was even that I that it was being workshopped right that's when like when I saw that they they were like we were gonna do it before the reunion because we could never sit in front of her and let her defend I'm like bro that's what you've been doing you've been sitting in front of her and letting her defend you and Raquel and everyone it's like why would the reunion be any fucking different right oh my god i hate this shit okay throughout this season there were numerous comments from castmates about the dynamic of your guys relationship again before the the affair came out in january you had to set the record straight that you and tom were not in an open relationship why do you now with all the information why do you think that rumor started honestly i think it came from him i think that which it's been denied i'll say that but i think that so it came out that day that all everyone was at my house um that you see on the show that i mean obviously these conversations that are two minutes on the show are like two hours plus and sometimes there are things that are said that are way worse than what is on we're like bravo give it to us what the fuck like his and I my our conversation there were things that were way worse and then in that conversation with all my friends I think it was Sheena was like um so one of our friends back when this stuff started coming out and rumors were rumbling it was apparently Rachel told a mutual friend that she thought me and Tom were in an open relationship because apparently he told her that at one point and then when that got brought up he was like absolutely not I never said that and I was like well you should probably take that up with your little fucking girlfriend because she's the one who told that to someone else and I and you know what she said to that someone else she said even if that she's like I mean I don't know if that's true but I would way rather hook up with Ariana than Tom and I think she said that because she was talking to a guy and she thought it was like hot hot to be like to say that and so when Tom was like I never said that but I'm like well don't ask me I'm not the one that's information that's being brought to me that she apparently said it's weirdly i do think in a strange way that is helpful to know because that narrative now knowing what we know it's like that didn't get put out into the world by like no happen chance like it's not like everyone's like sheena and brock are in and open and it's like you know what i mean it's like now knowing there's like a kernel of something that was planted somewhere that turned into something right like someone fucking knew it was an open relationship but it was one fucking side there's one person yeah because the other person's like right absolutely not like i would have loved to have known i would have been like let me know so i can like you would have loved to know like many times earlier so you're like oh let me get on the same page you're fucking raquel got it i'm out right he was operating telling people that probably so that it wouldn't get back to you because it's like an unsaid thing oh bill then they must have some sort of like trust some rule and so i'm not gonna bring it up to her i mean that sounds fairly likely to absolutely katie at one point said something along the lines of ariana doesn't care she just cares when people talk about it and she doesn't want to look dumb comments like that insinuating you and tom had a different relationship and understanding off camera than on camera and those comments were pretty heavy throughout the season of like they've got this thing on the side that no one talks about i remember lala went on a podcast and was like they are the most different off camera like how does that sit with you I mean to be honest and I do love Katie and I do love Lala but those were people who are not really in our inner circle like whatsoever for the last many years okay and I don't think anyone within our inner circle would ever say anything like that um if you were to interview Logan or Brad or even Sheena they would not say that and those are people that we spent like a lot of time together with went on trips with things like that so I mean I get to them maybe they think that that's fine but they were not in our inner circle prior to the scandal there had been other rumors of Tom cheating with other women and it was disclosed in the finale that you did know about one of them in Miami you guys weren't official you talked about that now knowing who Tom really is how many people do you think I don't know there was one years and years ago that I got a DM that was like Tom hooked up with my friend in San Diego and I was like and I brought it up over and over and over and over again because I was like I'm drilling I'm drilling and I and it was like no absolutely not no no no like you know what I mean it was like really just a no that now I'm like no I think that was a yes um and then there's specifically the one that he said oh yeah there was one other time I'm like 99.9 % sure I know exactly who that is also yeah but that being said how many like I I don't know because it's like I don't know there because I feel like he was so I mean there was stuff that he was getting away with that I learned out about like within the last month like what like bringing Rachel home to St.

1:01:49Louis when did he do that um apparently more than once while you were dating yeah yeah so his family knew it's hard to say like what exactly they knew or when they knew I think they at one point they knew, but they were like definitely not condoning. And he wasn't he was like putting her up in like a hotel. Like how diabolical to bring your side chick to your home? Like, like, and were they not afraid to pop around? Like what? I guess. I mean, it's St. Louis. I don't know. I don't know. But you know what? But that being said, there were some rumblings even before I knew whether or not that was true.

1:02:38There were rumblings of that on the Internet. So definitely somebody had seen something. OK. What do you think about the Billy Lee situation? I do not think that anything happened there. You don't. I don't. And I the reason I don't is because. I mean, Billy Lee, OK, I understand that this sounds crazy because Raquel was someone I loved and trust. You know what I'm saying? Right. You're like, but. But I do really, I trust that Billie Lee would not do that. Have you asked? She has. We've talked about it. Okay. Okay. Based on people saying things online, she's been, yeah. Right. Has anyone reached out to you since to be like, I also hooked up with him?

1:03:17They have not. Okay. I haven't had anyone do that. Okay. That's good for your mental health. Or are they scared? Are they scared? you'll be like on caller daddy like yep britney from fucking australia said that like no dude honestly i would not if a girl if any women did do that yeah you're not i would not put them on blast because honestly at the end of the day as much as i think that they suck for doing that because they knew we were together um it's the responsibility in my opinion of the person in a relationship i I also think, weirdly, now knowing the drama of, like, the open relationship rumor he may have been putting out.

1:03:58I've always said, like, men, when they want to put their penis in something, they will say, like, a married man will be like, no, we're in the middle of a divorce. Later, he goes home to his wife. Like, they will say. She sadly, she passed. Yeah, she passed away. I've seen that. Literally, like, she's not here. like he we don't even know how he's it's already so diabolical how crazy it's gotten that it wouldn't be surprising if every room he walked into in order to get a girl like it was like we're on a break or we're like it just it's it's i fucking hate men okay um does being completely honest with yourself do you think you ever subconsciously turned a blind eye yes Yes.

1:04:48Yeah. But I think I was given a lot of assistance in doing that because I would bring things up and I would be shot down. And or again, with the oh, let me see your phone. I think that I was given a lot of assistance in that. You know what I mean? Like and he even said on the show, like, well, she didn't follow me. It's like how much effort should I be putting forth in a relationship? should I be stalking my partner yeah in order to know for sure like what they're doing like I get what you're saying and I think also to women listening like we talked about you going through his phone and there are no texts so it's like at what point you have to just trust your partner because then you start to actually feel crazy of like am I being just like so untrusting like and you're like am i just like a fucking bitch because now i'm being you know that person that's just so like so what am i their mom now that's gonna be like every time they come home am i gonna be like all right let me see your phone you know like that whole thing and it's like and then you start to feel like the psycho and they become the more normal one that's like you're so crazy like well and then they get to use that against you later on so it's like you're either not psycho enough to like not figure it out uh-huh or you're so you're too psycho and they're like they know how to hide that now i'm gonna break exactly so they're like you're so crazy here's my phone look and it's like well then open the ipad if he didn't delete those messages did were his messages connected to his ipad no oh you're and you know why because at one point they were and it was just like we just get so many and it would just be dinging ding ding so it was like we gotta turn that turn that off this was years and years ago it was just like the amount that that's that i know but the find my iphone app i you know could see where the devices all were located um and they were always located somewhere that they should be uh-huh the band rehearsal space or schwartz's apartment how much of the affair do you think happened at schwartz's house i think more than schwartz is willing to let on because the recording was at schwartz's and he apparently felt real comfortable there yeah in that sad sad apartment in that sad sad location yeah that's fucking gross yeah um do you think you kind of touched on this a little bit earlier but do you think you were so quick to defend tom not just about this like through seasons you've always had his back you've always been ride or die and i think so many people including myself respected you for always being like i'm gonna stand by my fucking partner but But do you think that you would be so quick to defend him so that people wouldn't think less of him or so that people wouldn't think less of you for being with him?

1:08:05Both. Yeah, definitely both. Because I didn't want people. I always saw a side of him that I felt like wasn't apparent on the show or on social media or whatever. I always felt like I saw a side of him that was like the home side. and so I always felt like if people could just see that part of him they would like they would get it you know and then in turn yeah I mean for people to think less of me I mean I don't want them to be like oh this girl sucks at picking guys a date yeah although I mean no we're we're leveling up Ariana okay like it's it's getting better I've seen it's gotten a lot better um When you look back on your time together, are you able to see any good or has what he's done completely tainted him and as the human he is?

1:09:01I don't think I'm there yet. Although some of these edits on TikTok that come on my For You page that have like ceilings that ceiling song is playing and it's like cute clips of like. Like, like, I can't because I feel like, I mean, in that regard, I'm like, oh, that's maybe almost getting me there. But I feel like, I mean, he even said, oh, because I've done this, then that negates everything else. And I was kind of like, I mean, it kind of does. I mean, it does. I hate to say it, but when you have an affair, you cheat like that. I do think it does make it very hard for any for me to look at their relationship with any level of like nostalgia and maybe years from now but yeah it's also again like the level of like truly lying and actually having what seemingly no remorse almost between the two of them you can't help but wonder i think the whole world was like what else has this motherfucker done over these nine years it's like this is the one we know about and then oh there was one in miami and then there was one in san diego it's like what else because he's good at fucking keeping it close to the chest and he has no fucking issue lying to your face no so what else was there like i get what you're saying it's like that's that's difficult yeah that's difficult and it also makes it feel like you look back on on the relationship at times that you did think that were good that were happy memories and you think like well did they didn't really like me or respect me during those times right because I don't know what do you miss about the relationship um I would say inside jokes yeah been goofballs together the fun funny just stupid stuff yeah that like comfortability of like you like the same language yeah like we know each other there's a deleted clip from Vanderpump of you Tom and Raquel in a hot tub in Mexico and you say it looks like we're in a throuple that feels like a foreshadowing now knowing what we know what specific moments did you have to look back on or you look back on now that you're like whoa something so fucking shady was going on in that exact moment and i i didn't know i didn't know that one in particular that's the big he's like fingering her in the hot tub you like don't this is hilarious you guys like i'm so drunk i'm like this is so funny and by the way his whole thing about like skinny dipping and hang gliding I went hang gliding and I clearly went skinny dipping like I don't know what the hell you're fucking talking about anyways there's that there were times where we would have like a bunch of people over in our house and we have a guest bedroom and that guest bedroom gets used a lot by a lot of our different friends um and her being one of them and we would be like we would have friends who'd be like bring over the dog so like my brother would come and bring his dogs and um our friend jesse montana would come and bring indio which is like my dog's best friend and rachel would bring gram over who is honestly a terror he bit me before like mother out there he's not a well-trained dog um he's kind of a little jerk but we would let it go because we're like that's our friend's dog like maybe he'll and she would always purport it to be like oh it's because like maybe like when her and james had him together that maybe like it was the way he was raised as a puppy and I'm almost like clearly James was not the problem like I try to like move the food bowl and he will try to bite me like he's crazy he's very cute but sorry it's not his fault it's not his fault right the owner's fault trying your dog yeah anyways we would have people that would come over stay in the guest room stay on our couches like it's a very normal thing and sometimes I'd be like all right well it's like two I want to go to bed can we like turn the music off or can we and my poor neighbor has so many times been like hey like and I'm like I'm not I'm not even down there anymore I have to like go down there and be the person's like can you please and it it just was like so annoying um and there were times where I would like go up to bed or whatever because it's late and I have a life and a career and responsibilities and you know 28 year old failed pageant queens don't and so they'd be able to stay up super late and hang and have no reason to get up the next morning and that's fine if you weren't fucking my boyfriend also at the same time and there were times like that where if I could go back and be like why are like what's going on you know right things like that do you think they ever had sex while you were upstairs yes I do I think they had sex in my guest room while I was sleeping in my own bed that he and I went to bed in together and then he left the bed and went to the guest room and fucked her yes I believe that God bless you God God bless you ariana that's like trust issues like how like fuck fuck him because how do you even begin to like trust someone after like that level of like nine years with someone and they're that fucking comfortable in the home that you co-own yeah oh yeah and like when people say tom's house i'm like excuse me it's my house uh-huh we own that house equally so i don't ever want to hear that in one episode you said raquel is kind sweet and loyal and has just been a delight since the day i met her how would you describe her now oh my god lost lost um i mean i don't know her yeah i realize now i never knew her but i certainly don't know her now and we don't I don't know anyone who does know her.

1:15:28And so it's hard to say, but based on what I've seen, lost and empty and just, I don't know. Yeah, I think a lot of - It's hard to say because it's like, I don't really know what's going on. Some of the behavior has at times seemed sociopathic, but at the same time, I'm not really sure like what is the real deal. Yeah, it just sucks that you were kind of in the middle of something that someone that has clearly no remorse was involved in the destruction of also your relationship sure and i at the time was like i kept telling her like it's okay to make mistakes it's okay to like you were so nice to her ariana do raquel and tom make sense together to you no no i mean unless he has changed everything that he has ever said that he's looking for in someone um then no how did you feel watching them on screen together in Raquel's apartment like that was the first time we all kind of see them able to romantically interact with her like oh my gosh this is so weird we can't kiss on camera together like how did it feel watching your partner of nine years just literally the day before I think it was look at you being like I'm going to her place yeah I'm going like also just so shameless oh and by the way after he filmed that scene with her he came back to to my house right and it was essentially I mean you saw how many flowers were there so I there were probably like 15 people there I still had not slept still not eaten my friend Janet came got all kinds of it she was making french onion soup to like check this is my favorite and especially yeah so she's making french onion soup our friends it all brought over like wine and we were just watching drag race and every it was it was essentially a funeral right because these were all also people who were friends with him and were friends with her and they were like we've lost these friends because we cannot like in good conscious there's no there's nothing they they we've lost them as well because we don't want to there's no way i can imagine if he's willing to do that to me is he willing to do to you exactly diabolical I can understand and so he walked in the house after filming that scene yelled at everybody this is his house too he he referred to it as a party that I was having a party I went to bed it was like 9 p.m.

1:17:57I finally fell asleep on the couch he went upstairs Kristen and our another one our mutual friends Courtney had to be like you should probably go like why are you here and then eventually he left and there were paparazzi shots of him going back to her apartment after so he came back to the house yelled at everybody to like get out of his house and blah blah blah and then we find out later on he was definitely like tuning into like the cameras in the house like watch like we were doing literally nothing we were you called a party we were having a funeral thank you exactly you're done bye so but that scene was very cringe on so many levels and I think it was that scene and that that conversation that I watched that made me when you asked me like do they make sense to you I was like no it was awkward yeah the whole thing of her being like I love you and he was like no I said they love you but I love you too like how did you also feel knowing that they said to each other that they love each other I mean I kind of knew that before watch I mean I knew that before watching it that was like where they're at yeah but it was cringe do you think tom misses you um yeah i do do you know that like has anything been said no you just know i just feel like as someone that he would go to for advice on mostly everything um up until like that moment or i just think that there's no way that he doesn't because he's been making a lot of like very questionable decisions over the last two months and he doesn't have that like sounding board or that advisor anymore what is the extent of an apology that you've received from each of them at this point hers was like a nothing hers was a text message that was very like i just don't know what to say except that i'm sorry like that was it that was that day it was march 3rd that i got that one that was that night i went to a concert um to see tovlo my friends were like let's get you out of the house right go just do something fun and then we'll go back and we'll heal but um and then at the reunion it was very um sub par it was like a rehearsal speech and i was just like shut the fuck up right like someone told you to say these exact lines like nothing is inside here yeah nothing had clicked i didn't feel like it was genuine also that kind of text message you're like that is the kind of text messages you send when like you were a bitch the night before because we were drunk and you said some things you're like i'm really sorry i don't know what to say i'm embarrassed like you had a almost year affair with my boyfriend like maybe you should send multiple pages of an explanation and like okay and what about tom well obviously you saw how well i told you how that night went um the next day not much better and then that scene that you saw which was two hours and there was a lot of like way worse things that he said um like what like what is he saying like at one point he was like oh well i'll keep taking care of the house like i always do what is his obsession with like the batteries and the fucking toilet paper he's like i take care of this house like he has an assistant like right she goes and gets the like he says hey we need this and she goes and gets it like it's not like no i saw i literally saw a tiktok of a girl being like how did not get cheated on 101 and she's stocking the house with like batteries and toilet paper i'm like if only ariana had stocked the toilet paper maybe like he acted as if like that was a huge point of contention and like why he cheated he's like she would never stock the house like ariana didn't do these things and you're like bro i noticed yeah like over the last two months i've noticed like there was one day i was doing i think i was shooting spawn con like downstairs at one point and all of a sudden he's like asked his assistant like does she know where the ladder is and it was by me so she brought it and he's like i'm just gonna change the filter on the air conditioner i'm like what you wouldn't do that now because it's like now you have this thing you have to like uphold that you like do all these things i am the man of the house it's like chill yeah so it's so cringe um would you go back and change anything you did honestly I want to say no because I feel like listen I've seen people online be like she wasn't perfect well obviously who is person she's not innocent okay I don't have to be um I was very much a committed partner in this relationship faults what is it warts and all I was very much committed and I feel like I was doing my absolute best as a partner um but I don't think I would do anything differently just because I feel like all I can do is my best and whether my best was good enough or not for anyone um that's what it was and I feel like yeah I could have been less trusting I could have been more paranoid or I could have been I could have followed or I could have bought pens and batteries or whatever but um ultimately I think that if I go back and try to like change all the things that I would have could have should I mean I would never stop so do you think that had you not caught him do you think you guys would still be together it's hard to say in this moment because you know there was this a there was a plan um still together i almost think no given that i know about this plan now can you explain what the plan was the plan was i think to end the relationship under the guise of like that valentine's day conversation um for that to eventually stick eventually that would be the that was the end game to break up with me without any mention of any sort of affair or cheating or anything um whether that was pre-reunion or not or pre going to film winter house or not and then then you know go about whatever and then they would just start dating yep but the narrative that he was the victim in our relationship or that I was just I just suck so um would have already been planted there I think that was part of like a there was a master right plan yeah it's a little wild to see like how much he was working it towards the end there like you guys weren't really in this season that much and then to watch like halfway through or even a little bit farther than halfway through he just is coming out of the woodwork complaining to tom oh my gosh we're not connecting we don't have sex i don't know like it is pretty diabolical now that you watch it like oh this was a whole plan set the stage i'm not happy we don't have sex we don't connect and then end it and then and all he thought was gonna work perfectly and thank fucking god it didn't because it's disgusting no i'm actually like there was at one point um i think it's him or schwartz had said to me at one point like i'm so sorry that you found out this way and i was like i'm so glad that i found out this way because if i had found out the way that y 'all had planned it are like are you kidding like it would have been i would have been just a cog in the machine of of this whole narrative this whole thing do you ever think back to like that night with the phone and you're like thank god yeah and i also think what the what was it it felt like like a beam like I hate to say a lightning no literally but it really truly felt like a lightning bolt of do this right now and it's like I don't know that's why I say like it felt like some sort of divine intervention because like and I'm and I'm not like I don't really believe in God I don't know like I don't I'm not a religious person by any means there is something that just went like something went off and it's so weird because i don't know how else to describe it because like so many other times i would have been i could have he even asked me that he was like why didn't you go through my phone um you know when i was sleeping or whatever and i'm like because i just didn't ever want to do that and be sneaky like that like i don't want to be sneaky and that makes me feel sneaky but yeah thank god a woman's intuition is never wrong um what have you now uncovered that repulses you about this whole situation um the flying her to different places um i know that she was that watch what happens live appearance where schwartz was covering his mouth and acting all weird yeah it's because she was in the hotel room she was there in new york i know for a fact he was he was so he was using like other people's credit cards and things to like like basically making them pay for things and then benmoing them later so that like it was just really messed and And you know what?

1:27:34Honestly, it makes me really upset because I feel like he put people in a position that they felt like they didn't know what to do. And I feel bad because I feel like if that just I can only imagine how heavy, like how much that weighed on. Yeah. Like this was a whole fucking operation that he started to get running where it's like the credit card here, have someone book her in the hood. like it was like who knows how much farther it would have gone sure and having the band and the touring and stuff like that i feel like was a very easy way to be like well i have to be out of town and then she could then be flown to wherever that show was and i would have no idea because he's coming home exactly when he's supposed to come home right of course he's out late he's playing a show like there's nothing about it like he's it was very good with with that it does start to make you wonder was the is this band just a whole cover for this affair because like objectively i know you were in love ariana but like it's not great the band's not great i feel like it's gotten well wait has it gotten worse or did you just open your eyes can you now just like unbiasedly look at it and be like that those were love goggles yeah and now we flicked them off and you're like okay yeah don't need to watch that anymore um do you know if there was a night ever that you had sex with tom this the same day he had sex with raquel i don't know that i don't know that oh that would be yeah extra therapy sessions for that week yeah i would love to know um would you well well i've already i've already had my pan i'm i'm good okay um right so now it would just be like oh of course like an lol moment yeah right we've already gone through the worst now like just like the details just become like oh that's but then you see like sometimes it makes me laugh because at this point it's like it is so again you ask that question and i'm like I don't think so but it seems like a no I don't know the reunion airs this week how did you feel going into the reunion and how did you feel walking out of it I felt going into it like it had only been like what was it okay March 1st we filmed the reunion March 23rd it had already felt as though it it felt like there was like a wall like a divider had built had been built somehow between the current the past and the present and that feels so weird and maybe that is again like a compartmentalizing coping mechanism but it also felt as though going into it we were all on the same page like and that's never happened so that I felt gave not just me but Sheena Lala Katie James we all had this like vote of confidence amongst our each other and we all knew that we were all on the same page with that and so it felt it felt like a boost of confidence in that way of just knowing like I don't have to sit here and question whether or not I'm right or not wrong or if Lala's right or wrong or if James or Sheena or Katie is right or wrong we know and we feel that like deep in our gut and that right that felt good it was weird I mean honestly that three weeks was like really fucking weird and so to go into a reunion and I'm A not sitting next to him but I'm also not like he would say stuff and I would be like because normally i would be like well what he's trying to say because he'd he'd always almost like needed a translator at times because he would have an opinion that we had we had talked about things you know at home and so i i understood where he was coming from or like what he was trying to get at but like then he would voice it and no one else could get it so i would be like okay so what do you really this is what we're what he and so to be there and like sink yourself not my job what was it like sitting and having to listen to Raquel painful and not painful in the sense of like she hurt my feelings painful in the sense of like I really did not feel like she was connected to the moment or reality at all I really feel like again then March 23rd that the two of them both of them somehow maybe it was like they were feeding it to each other because I don't know who else would be they thought people are just mad yeah I'm a little mad at you and like we'll be fine like I think that's like where both of their minds were at and so the the gravity of what they had done or were doing or whatever it was just not hitting at all he was still I mean look I think she just I don't know and I told her I was like I mean I don't know why you're sorry now you thought you were a hot shit when you were doing it right you thought like are you kidding uh-huh so how would you describe your emotions during the reunion I was angry um at times I was sad but I honestly think that the biggest thing that I felt that there was like a question that was asked towards the end that I was just like I was so grateful for my friends both the friends that were there that day and otherwise um and I honestly a lot of it felt numb in a way um because it felt like as angry as I was it was almost difficult to connect to what once you go angry it's very hard to like come back from that totally um and yeah that's where I was I think was there anything you went into the reunion with of like I'm making this up like I'm not gonna look her in the eyes or I'm gonna make sure that I don't look him in the eyes literally i was like i'm not looking at either of them i will communicate to andy or talisa if i have to look in that way otherwise i will speak to the the wall emptiness the soundstage was that like your literally that was me like i was like i'm not looking at either of them and then eventually a couple times i did but i mean that was you were like it was that your main thought going into it yeah it was just like i will not speak to them i will speak like i will answer right but I'm not but we're not gonna you don't deserve my I get it um did you feel like you were able to get closure from the reunion um yeah I honestly felt like I had closure before that before the reunion and then at the reunion I mean I said what I felt like saying in the moment but I honestly felt as though everything that happened I think I even said it but it didn't make it to air but I was just like you this happening I mean you made it really easy for me to just not give a shit about you like breakups are hard you miss the person you know you think what could I have done what could they have done are we gonna get back together you know you have all these things right when you go through a breakup but when something like this happens you're like bye like there's literally nothing about that person right even if I missed him like in the first few days like even that feeling of missing him that's not who whoever that is is not that person so I feel like that's also a good bit of advice for people listening that maybe be going through something similar of like sometimes weirdly the more that the person hurts you in terms of how they decide to betray you you can find some type of hope of like that just made it so much easier to never look back and that is even more hurtful to the fucking person that fucked with you because it's like it would have been like if I kind of if you fucked up a little bit and we had a fight and then we did like he closed that door you didn't even have to fucking oh he slammed that door shut and i almost think that that was why the the elaborate plan was what it was is because then i would then i would want to get back together right of course or i'd be sad or i would be you know struggling no it's thank fucking god thank god yeah was there anything specific that was really hurtful that he said to you um that you kind of can't shake still i think it was the it was the way that he weaponized any struggle i've ever had with my mental health that to me was like the most hurtful

1:37:19apparently there is something so wild okay yeah there's something so wild that's going to be revealed in the reunion that could potentially have you guys not wanting to sign back up to be on the show have you thought about i know your group chat must be going off like no we all are just i we haven't even i'm like and i'm very like because i've talked to like our showrunners and stuff and i'm like i think i know like what the deal is right i am like not entirely sure there's a couple there's a couple things out there uh-huh raquel's pregnant i i don't think so affair started during james and raquel era maybe right but like then that's is that that crazy Right, because what difference really would that make?

1:37:59We all hate them. We still hate them. Okay. Lisa knew the whole time. I don't think so. I don't think so. I have. She would have brought. Here's why. She would have brought that. She would have brought that up. Right. Like I had a. Very early on. Because again, there's a lot of speculation of like things being staged and whatever. Right. This all happening after filming. Just from a. Just from a logistic production standpoint. not to mention the fact that like this is my real life and these are my real feelings and this is something we're really going through right but for those naysayers just from a production standpoint yeah something like this happening months and months after we're not filming and there's no cameras around and they had to borrow a crew from housewives of beverly hills even film after that is a nightmare for production and for our show because they want every everything that's gonna happen it's like you want that to happen in real time while we're filming of course because otherwise you lose it it's gone it's hearsay or it's this you know right something happens off camera that's like not ideal right so again if lisa knew she there's no way that's right on the last one i've written down which i think is i mean this would be fucking awful raquel hooked up with brock oh no no i don't think so no no there's no way what is something that could come out that would make you not want to go back to the show i mean anything that like makes me feel unsafe or for my dog to be unsafe and something like that it's like anything safety wise would be i think the only thing that would make any of us be like we're not coming back to film but i mean i can't see that like what the fuck i know i guess i mean i kind of have an idea do you want to tell us your theory i'm like okay you'll tell me off camera you're like then i really won't come back to film yeah then you're literally kicked the fuck off and i get sued so that'd be fine okay but you think you have an idea yeah is it as bad as everyone's speculating i don't think it's something like that crazy or that wild it's just like more drama yeah i think so but i don't know because again like you could i haven't seen it so i don't i get it okay let's get like happy for five seconds okay yeah okay because what i should we have more rosé yeah can we have a little bit yeah let's let's pour more what i appreciate in you being really open today is like i said to you when you walked in this is sadly really fucking relatable i remember sitting on the bed in new york city and being like he hasn't done anything i just have the fucking feeling the divine i need to and i looked him in the eyes ariana and i said i need you to open your ipad and he's like i'll give you my phone i said no the ipad oh my god so what was it on that what was the fully having a sexting nude with his nutritionist he was a professional athlete and he would show me his nutritionist all the time like she recommended the bison and i'm gonna eat the bison right because he's like her advice is like so great he would talk about her he would talk about her to me and i remember when he opened it she was not the first person i went to because I was like okay okay but you know what's crazy I didn't even need him to open it the minute I asked him and I put it down in front of him I pulled it out from my back I said open it he went ghost white I didn't even need him to open it I was like oh like I knew and then I saw it and I remember going into the bathroom throwing up and I think we can talk about this a little bit which is I wouldn't say it's like embarrassment but there's like a level of for five seconds because this is also the person you love yeah your love doesn't go away the minute you see it you hate them but like right yeah five seconds go I was in love with this person you there is a part of you that wants to be like no no no way yeah no yeah like it's not real it's not real and it is but it is and it's like that gut punch yeah and it's like do you have any advice and i'll think too of like for someone sitting there that just found out that they were getting cheated on like how do you mentally wrap your brain around being in love with someone that you trusted and then the ultimate betrayal and trying to be like i want to go have them hug me because they're usually the person that consoles me but you also fucked me and like i would be like look maybe have that moment right now give yourself an hour to have that moment or that night and then get away from them like like obviously we're still in the same house but we are most definitely in different rooms we have like i know exactly like when he's coming back to the house and i know like i we do not cross paths that being said like as much as you can have that conversation do what you need to do get your ducks in a row and then get away from them and don't don't allow them to like come back into your life because again if it's somebody who's willing who is capable or talented enough it's the of being able to create those lies and stuff they'll be they'll be able to create something to to pull you back in at some point and then so you have to separate you have to go no contact you're so right and then also if you go back they're just gonna be smarter next time yeah and that is I think the worst of like there's gonna be so many things that are said to you but I also believe like there's one thing if someone comes to you and tells you and it's like I did this I feel disgusting I'm sorry when you find it when they're apologizing they're sorry they got caught oh yeah keep that in mind if they are gonna apologize because I've had a lot of women that I've spoken to online since all of this have said my ex was the same way he was angry he was yelling at me he was pissed and it's like it's yeah it's this the house of cards has fallen and they're angry about that they're not so much like remorseful or upset it's not about how you feel it's about the fact that all the effort that went into creating this to building that little house of cards yeah got blown over so fast and now what and I fucking love how much you talk about your friends because I and I also love how you talk about this distortion of reality like the great Esther Perel always talks about like when you get cheated on your reality becomes so distorted and you are like wobbling essentially you can't see you straight because you're like you are the person I actually loved most and trusted the most in my life and you just ripped the rug out underneath me yeah you have to immediately surround yourself and I know you're embarrassed part of you also sometimes doesn't want to tell anyone because you're like because you're like oh my god now I'm that person or you know and then if you tell people it's over right once it's out well it's like they always say to like whenever if you and your partner just get in like petty fights like don't tell your friends because in your they always say that right but it's like in And this if it's this big of a thing, you got to do it.

1:45:17You got to do it. And you got to surround yourself with your friends as quickly as possible. And then that way they can also hold you accountable and be like, absolutely fucking not. Yeah. You are not allowed like this is not happening. And then also, if you are in a situation where you do have a gaslighter, a manipulator and you have a friend over, you have someone sitting right there going, no, I heard what they said. I saw how they were. It's not just you. because that was my big thing is it was like there was no one else there and so i would question everything yeah and then my friends that were you know at the house like again like when he came back and was like are you guys here it's like well thank fucking god see i was like so you guys saw that right like of course like my anxiety is going through i'm like oh my god oh my god but see that's what it's been like and they're like okay yeah so now we see the reality because otherwise you know and that's again i just think it's so important to talk through this because when you're in it it almost becomes impossible to see straight yeah and you have to remember to it you're you're too fucking close and there's no like you have to act like we just keep saying and i always say it back to myself when i have friends that go through it like you loved this person 30 seconds before you just oh my god found it yeah so that isn't gone immediately the hurt the anger all of it but you still love that person so you need someone you have to remember what your friends have no ulterior motives other than making sure you're good and so just catch yourself if you're going against your friends in that moment it's because you're trying to hold on to something and let them be the anchor to pull you the other way because they're actually just looking out for you yeah and talk to them about it yeah if you're sad you miss them or you want to talk about like good times and stuff like that talk to your friends about it like and then just but keep that that no contact i'm telling you that wasn't i think that was the whole like in my life blah blah blah because i knew right that i would go no contact i'm so proud of you i knew that's hard that's but i knew even even if it was just a breakup i knew i was gonna go no contact how did you know that i just felt it in my gut that that was like the way to go and like in the past i had not done that with other relationships yeah and then like i've been on TikTok a lot the last like three years and I would see stuff about that and I was like okay I think that that's like in this situation that's what I would have to do yeah and I think that that was you know part of what was like oh I don't know the troubling to him or something what that you wouldn't speak to him yeah what did he expect right that we would do the Schwartz and Katie like dog custody thing like we're not doing that no you're getting the dog absolutely oh my god what is it Jennifer Koola's like I'm getting the dog I'm taking the damn dog fuck you wait oh so you're like I'm fucking taking the dog well I paid for her adoption my name is on her adoption paper and she loves you I paid her vet bills I take took her for walks I gave her baths like see are things that I would do that he wasn't doing he gets the batteries you take care of the fucking dog dude no but i get what you're saying and that's another point when you are so strong to be like i'm not speaking to you this is a boundary motherfucker oh it enrages them yeah i think the the setting of boundaries has been oh you know well and you saw him at lisa's breaking like i don't know if it was real or not honestly i felt a little bit like a performance to be honest well but then also of course i'm going to be jaded because i don't trust right and we have and he had just yelled at me and then the day after he yelled at me again after the rachel scene so it you know it's hard to say but that being said the biggest thing that he was upset about in that moment was that he doesn't get to have another conversation with me because i said you don't get another one it's done like say what you need to say now because we won't be doing that and by the way my friend meredith and my other friends like they she's the capricorn queen of my dreams she made a spreadsheet that was like who's gonna be staying with me what night i did not stay alone for weeks and even after i went i had friends fly in from new york to make sure i got to the wedding in mexico that i went to and then even after i came back from Mexico I still had friends that would stay with me every night make sure I ate make sure I said they were like they had like their own group text now they've friends that didn't know each other before become friends that I've like always wanted them like you guys love each other like now they're like now they're bad it's like honestly like the the community that is our friends like on and off the show is like the most incredible group of girls gays and they's like I've never like honestly I could not like I don't know how I could write like if I was a super talented writer I couldn't have created that in my mind like yeah absolutely incredible and that's what I think again you kind of talk about like when you're going through it let people actually help you guys because doing it alone is torture yeah you can't do it alone you can't or you go back to the one person you love the most which is the person that hurt you or you yeah or you yeah you think you can yeah and then you end up you know yeah it's just not healthy or you end up self-medicating or doing my my classic way of coping is isolation or sleeping and it's like well yeah he always he kept bringing that up like she just sleeps all the time like um yeah maybe you should look inward that is your partner okay or depressed or like what's going on like like maybe her dog just died right like be there for her get in bed yeah get in bed get in bed get in bed bitch like what the fuck we're like that isn't that where sex happens right you want sex so bad she's laying in bed all day i'm in the bed she's in bed naked waiting go in talk to her emotionally connect with her and then get it in right men are so dumb like what right now that we say it it sounds so she's in bed all day and you're bitching about not getting fucked what what what are we missing here i'm not in the place where it happens dude okay rumor on the street is you're not single is this like a situation ship are we in a full relationship are we just fucking are we having like what are we doing what are we doing Ariana what's going on um I'm really really enjoying myself um I am seeing someone they live across the country in New York so obviously you know it's kind of there's that whole aspect to it um but I would say it's like really really great it's good and you guys met where we met at a wedding when like literally 10 or 11 days after I found this out which people are like what like are you okay literally I just met this person right we did not start dating when I met them right we just started talking right and then we were talking and talking and talking and it progressed and it's right you had a moment to grieve you're grieving still but you can also fucking go see people and also it's like really nice like on like okay so I met him at this wedding and all we did was talk like we stayed up all night just talking like that's it that's all you wanted literally all I wanted I was like quality time what is this and then he flew to where he lives and I flew where I am and then we just facetimed and talked and talked and it was just like oh my gosh like I'm getting to know this person and the conversations we were having were like so amazing it's not like we were like we met and we're dating you know but like it was really great and now I've been able I've been going to New York for work and so when I go to New York for work I've been getting to see him and it's like so nice having fun that's what I think also people have to understand is like there's nothing wrong with any timeline post something that traumatic happens you have to do what feels right and so people that are like oh my god it's so soon ariana like well then you do like if i was like down on one knee proposing to this man then we'd be having intervention right we need to like reel it in but like you know going luckily for new york being able to go every couple of weeks this last this just this last month yeah and just work see my friends see him and like just really like love life and honestly like having someone that literally will be like we'll be on the phone and he'll be like you know we're working we're doing stuff he's like hey can we just get like five minutes where we're like we just like have like quality time on the phone i'm like are you kidding me my dream the past nine years literally so i'm like okay great this is just great how okay give all the ladies advice of like nine years is a long motherfucking time how do you not overthink it and allow yourself to be with someone that's not the person you've been with for nine years it's like a little bit of a mind fuck to be like open to getting back out there into anything yeah honestly if you are overthinking it be honest with yourself that you're overthinking it and just say like i'm overthinking this yeah or this is where i'm at be honest i think that honesty and vulnerability it's two of the sexiest things i think in any person and even if you're just like going out on a bunch of like casual dates with multiple people be honest with those people and if that if they're like not down for it then they're not for you anyways yeah and honestly just like being honest with yourself too and saying like this is where i'm at this is what i'm ready for this is what i'm not ready for because then the day that i met the sky i literally said this is what i can handle i can handle us talking i can handle you telling me i'm pretty um i can maybe handle a smooch but beyond that that's out that's it and he was very enthusiastically like okay great that sounds great i just want to hang out right so i was like okay cool like maybe like just be very clear about your boundaries and what you're okay right it's like you don't have to go in and be like so i have to be a fully it's like hey and honestly accepting like um happiness and good things while you're healing there's no like no nothing bad about that there's nothing people that are judging are also just like either you haven't been through it or like you went through it and you did something different that didn't work for you and try to judge like let everyone do what they want right because we're all different people and we all are in different situations right and like i said someone does we were saying that someone does some shit like this to you that door is slammed shut it is way easier to grieve um a relationship or that is that cut and dry yeah then it is is one that isn't I can't believe this.

1:56:55I just remembered you said his family didn't reach out to you. Has they have they still not reach out Tom? I don't know. no it's kind of weird no yeah i mean i understand like what would they say i guess i would just think they'd be like hey this sucks like wishing you the best just that period just that like nine years there was some respect i thought yeah not great um okay this is a fresh start yeah and the beginning of a new era for you what do you want for yourself i want independence on like every level i want to be able to be completely financially independent which thank god i don't have like a ton of tied things but i want to be like financially independent and successful um i want to open my sandwich shop with katie and have that be a total hit which i think it will be what street is it on robertson oh i am there do you know how there's like no good sandwiches in la and you guys were so right the only ones are like male like the fats no offense to fat cells no but it's like it's only fat cells yeah or like uncle paulie exactly and that's just so right not the vibe right we're going for and if it's not that then what is it i get it i love it i love it so you guys are opening yes fabulous you're not you're not letting it like go to the wayside like this is still happening oh yeah good for you good for you yeah so i'm very i'm very excited about all of that yeah i just want to be independent independent and successful i mean all the things that I always wanted previously but now it's like really nice to be able to do it and I want to be a solo homeowner I want to own my own home with no one else on the deed god bless you and you deserve it okay last two questions okay what do you want everyone to know about you outside of this scandal um you're like I had too much for say leave me alone like um I love long walks on the beach.

1:59:01I like Rose and I want to go to the French countryside. I love Beyonce. I'm like, I'm like, okay, look, I just want people to know that like, I understand that reality TV is very over the top at times. And yes, of course we love the drama. I love the drama. I mean, I'm a Love Island Stan as we know. But I just want people to know that like, again, like what you were saying like on the other side of it we are real people um I'm you know kind of like a perpetually barefoot girl from Florida like you know and I I love my girls and I love my friends and I just think that something I hope that all of this stuff brings is that we all just kind of like join together because I just think that I love women and I think we are the fucking best and I just think that when we team up like we are unstoppable unstoppable I am so happy you came today because I truly think like you are you're so classy and you have such a head on your shoulders even though in the midst of quite literally one of the biggest most painful moments of your life I'm so sorry this happened to you but I do weirdly think thank god Ariana thank god because you would have potentially been with him and not known and it's like you deserve so much fucking better and you know what let him go do his thing sure her go do her thing whatever she's going through like everyone is meant to not be in whatever it just was and you're amazing and i can't wait to watch the reunion although it's like do you have any fear of like people watching it like is there anything you want to preface before we turn on our tvs i just hope i wasn't like too cut through no bitch you could i don't know no we want it we want the drop i think i go in i don't know i blacked out i think everyone was like lala's gonna destroy and we hope ariana's right underneath being like a little bit you know getting in there yeah i'm excited cheers well cheers thanks for having me

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