Audrina Patridge: Surviving an Abusive Relationship (FBF)

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. Adrena Patridge, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited. I have been an OG fan of The Hills. Congratulations on writing your book, Choices to The Hills and Back Again. What inspired you to tell your story? You know, what really inspired me was all the DMs from my fans. And just what I've been through throughout the years, They were always writing me wanting advice or to know how I got through this or they could relate to me. And at the time, what I was going through, sometimes it was so humiliating and I get so hard down on myself.

0:50But reading that like lifted me back up knowing that I'm not alone. So that kind of inspired me to think, OK, well, this is my chance to answer all those questions in one place. everything from the hills to my relationships to basically everything that's out there in the media or gossip or whatever that I've I've always bit my tongue I never said anything I just let people say whatever they wanted about me well this is my chance to really put it all in one place and set the record straight

1:39writing a book I can imagine is it's a huge process and you in this book take the reader through trauma that you've been through. Was it difficult to relive while writing this? Extremely. There were a lot of moments where I would break down and it was so hard for me. And, you know, my ghostwriter, Jen Schuster, who is amazing, she was almost like my therapist through it all. And I would cry and she'd, you would talk through it. And she's, I was like, I don't, I don't, I can't put that in there and she's like Audrina this you have to you know so it was very therapeutic and I got through it and the more I talked about it and the more I kept having to read the book over and over and it's almost like I conquered something that I don't I don't cry about anymore it's like it was very healing I can imagine that too because it's almost like you literally started this being like I wanted to finally just say my piece and then naturally there is a part of us that like we always are like wait should I say this and so it was kind of like I love how your ghostwriter is like Audrina are we doing this or not we're going all in we're going all in and that's what I said I want to be vulnerable I want to be honest I want to be open so if I'm going to do this I'm going to do it the right way well let's get into what you wrote about in the book okay because there's a lot let's take a sip here we go okay we're going all the way back how were you originally cast on the hills so I was actually I moved to LA I so I was going to night school in Orange County and I wanted to be a psychologist um so I had to drop out of college um community college because I was gonna get dropped and I was like you know what I'm just gonna move to LA and give it a shot so the place I was looking at um didn't have anything available And I met these two girls in the elevator and they overheard me talking.

3:36They're from Oklahoma and they needed a roommate. So it was just that fell into place. So I ended up moving in with these two girls I didn't know. And then we were laying out at the pool one day and Adam Develo, who was there scouting for Lauren and Heidi, came up to us. And, you know, I thought he was this kind of cheesy producer. Like, here we go again. Some guy hitting on us like, what's your club? Right. Um, but he was scouting for the Lauren's Lauren from Laguna beach, which I never watched, but I knew of her from tabloids and stuff. Um, so he liked my story, liked that I had my go-to nights in LA that I was very connected.

4:15Um, and then we started filming two or three weeks later and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. That actually makes a lot of sense to now looking back that you had your like connections already, because I'm sure they wanted to make sure that like Lauren and Heidi had a place to like plop in. Yeah. And you were like, oh, let's go to like Bootsy Bellows or whatever the hell it was called. And so like you knew what you were doing. Were you just like chilling at the pool in a bikini? Yes. Okay. I could see why you were like, hello, sir. I was like, hi, can I help you? You're like, hello, sir.

4:45Okay. That makes a lot of sense. So you decide to start with the Hills. I'm interested because I think a lot of people, when you think about reality TV, immediately people are like, what did your family think when you're like getting followed around with cameras? They didn't know what to think. They didn't even really know what I was getting myself into, but they were very supportive. And I moved to LA because I wanted to do acting. So I was already auditioning for, you know, music videos and commercials and this and that. So I figured, why not reality TV? That's not even a thing. I knew like the Jessica Simpson had a show.

5:18so that's kind of what I was like well it seems okay like it'll make me comfortable with cameras um it was very uncomfortable I hated it in the beginning because it's not just one camera there's like three and there's lighting and there's people staring at you and it's a lot of pressure to be yourself and open up when you're just kind of thrown into that I feel like you played the character of the girl who had great style like super edgy the leather jackets like worn t-shirts like I was obsessed with your style you were the cool girl and you love the bad boys yes and we were all obsessed with your relationship with Justin Bobby when was the first time you saw Justin Bobby and what did you think about him the so I was actually the receptionist at Coyote Studios and the first time we met he was working there with Stephen Mizell on a shoot for Madonna and I was a receptionist so he kept walking in front of my desk back and forth and you could only go so far and I was like can I help you like he's like oh I'm just looking for some magazines and I'm like there's a stack of magazines on the table in there and then he would come back and he wanted a drink and then he would call the office all the time and I'd be like good afternoon in Coyote Studios and he'd be he'd like make funny sounds and just call me to talk and we just started hanging out and that's like before the hills we know that reality television relationships can be fake or can be edited to look a little bit different what was the actual dynamic of your relationship with Justin I feel like you know Justin is a very mysterious man um yes he is you So with his motorcycle.

7:05You guys all got that. But, you know, when we first started dating and off camera, Justin has the biggest heart and he's so caring and he listens and he actually cares. And it's not just me. It's whoever he's talking to. He's truly connected and cares about what you're saying and wants to help. And, you know, I feel like when I brought him into the Hills drama, you know, he was kind of like that's not his that wasn't even my circle that I would ever go into because I was never a part of drama so bringing him into that where he was instantly just like put on the spot it kind of made him act out a little bit in his own way and then it's like he wanted it was like he didn't care but he did care so I got to see the Justin on camera and the Justin off camera which they kind of captured both and you know and after he watched the first or second season that he was on he didn't like how he behaved were you frustrated though by the edit of you guys ever yes because whenever there's cameras around people act different yeah um and I even going on other dates like they just change people but you know and Justin and I were very immature we both played games with each other so I can't just blame it all on him because I was doing the same thing but I wish that they would have showed more of us just like hanging out they just wanted the action side of it the drama side of it because if we were just hanging out talking and talking about music or going and playing pool all the time that's boring absolutely do you think that your relationship would have worked out had there not been cameras I don't think I've not in the beginning because we were so in the Hollywood scene and going out all the time and drinking and there's always temptation around and other people pulling us in different directions but I think as we got closer yes we could have if we didn't have the producers always trying to put us at each other's neck and trying to get us jealous at each other to get a scene going.

9:19So what was your first impression of Lauren Conrad? My very first impression of Lauren when I met her with Heidi at the pool and then we went out she wasn't the friendliest person um she was very closed off and as we started filming I kind of started to understand why she was like that and why she didn't just welcome people instantly because people used her a lot and like would throw her under the bus or you know and I now I understand why she was like that but in the beginning she wasn't as friendly or welcoming I mean she was doing this since she was in high school right and she started in Laguna I'm wondering like by the time you started filming the hills with her from what you observed like how did she handle all the cameras following her around she was so seasoned already I feel like she had that experience she was so comfortable with the cameras she knew all the good one-liners to say when the scene was ending what to do like she knew exactly what she was a professional she knew what she was doing when you guys would shoot a scene okay you're done for the day cameras are off what was your relationship like with Lauren when the cameras were not rolling well we ended up living together we had the best time together we we laughed we did everything together you know we had our ups and downs Lauren is a very opinionated person and a very strong personality and you know if she doesn't agree with something or like something she's gonna say it and that's very respectful I liked that because I don't like the black or the gray I like the black or white um but we we had some wild times I remember watching them yeah it was very fun we actually watched an episode for our podcast and Brody and Frankie were like oh my gosh you and Lauren like you don't even care what you guys looked like you just roll downstairs after two hours of sleep because we had makeup down our face, our lashes, our hair.

11:15And I was like, we really didn't give a shit what we looked like. We just woke up and went downstairs to film. Did you guys ever like complain to each other about the process or like who hated production the most? You know, I think in the beginning we didn't really care. We were all for it. We were young, wild, willing to do anything and everything because we were out every single night anyways. so it just made sense yeah follow us and we would drink meet guys like we had no responsibilities so young wild and free you know we didn't really care yeah what was your first impression of Heidi Montag so my first impression when I first met Heidi I met her at the pool and we instantly hit it off because Heidi is so outgoing and fun and friendly and like she oh she lives in her own skin you know she is who she is and we actually hit it off immediately and we'd go out all the time dancing and like she'd come to my apartment and we would drink and laugh and tell jokes and we had the best time.

12:21Can you believe that Heidi and Spencer are still together? I mean that's one thing I respect about Heidi and them or her and Spencer is because they have stuck it out and they've been through so much and I mean Heidi could have left him and had a whole different life but she loved him and she was willing to sacrifice and do whatever it took to make sure that that worked and yeah they're still together. How do you feel now that the Hills is officially over? honestly I feel good about it I feel like it ran its course I think this past new beginning season we all got to a point where there were a lot of storylines at this point a lot of my real life wasn't on the show so I was all for the storylines where a lot of the people were putting their real lives on the line and wanting to film their real lives like Heidi and I you know your real friendship gets put on the line because they're asking you to say and do things for the sake of the show but then you're trying to have their back but you're also trying to like do what you're supposed to do to make a tv show so that was really hard for me and Heidi and I we ended up talking it out at the end but in my mind I had to separate my job from my real life like this is our job like let's make a good show it must be like a little bittersweet though because you're like you've done this for so long like you now are the season one like you met lauren you're like you're a season now you're the one that's like you're a vet you know exactly how to do it and now it's like you're moving on with your life and you're not going to have cameras in front of your face and it you're not going to be a part of these crazy storylines like it feels like it's like a settling moment but also like kind of sad i actually have a question for you yeah i don't know if you know this or not but they just announced yesterday i think that there's a a new cast for the hills a new young cast wait I didn't know that that yes that they are it's a new hills of a new generation and it's more diverse and it's about addictions and dating in LA again and like what do you think of that would you I mean I want to watch it just because but I feel like I mean I think that that's really interesting I didn't realize that I think that as I've sat down with a like a lot of reality television stars now I just feel there's so of course there's some positives that come from it I mean I've had so many people be like I have my career because of it you know I have my platform I make now money from it and like it's brought so many good things but there is this like negative toxic side that I think maybe in the OG days it was a little bit more authentic yeah I feel now like reality should literally be labeled like reality scripted television yes because it's not improv acting yes yes and I feel like it's kind of detrimental to people's health at this point because of how much social media is ingrained in the the process of it and people are getting like death threats if you're the villain and it's like I'm not actually the villain they're telling me to say this line so like yeah I don't know how I feel about it I don't know if I I don't think I would ever do it now that I see this side of it in the past I'm like oh that looks cool but now I think that we see a different side it's so different I guess we're gonna have to tune in though I'm gonna have to tune in you have I know I sent it to Brody yesterday he has it wrote back I was like wait they could have named it something else like give this new cast a new name or like it's like the new Gossip Girl reboot where everyone's like it's not gonna be with Blake Lively and Leighton Meester it's just not the vibe I know I know shit okay we need to watch it also like there's just when you compare things I'm like there's no way anything will ever beat the iconic moments of the hills like the the mascara moment yeah like exactly like those moments that everyone like remembers like these poor people aren't gonna live up to that so give them a new name

16:36transitioning okay your book you open up about what happened in your relationship with your ex-husband Corey and I mean there's so much in it and it was incredible to like how much you opened up I'm sure as hard as it was there's so many young women that are probably reading this like truly gonna take so much from it for their personal life and gain strength so I just want to say like you're amazing thank you that way let's start from the beginning what made you first fall for Corey? You know, when I first met him through a mutual friend, I was going through the ups and downs with Justin and I just felt like I needed some, like a guy that was respected and respected in his own industry and had his own thing going on.

17:28So when I met him at first, I never, I didn't think of anything of it. He had a girlfriend, you know, a year goes by. This is when MySpace was a thing. Who was your top five? Tell me now. I know my song of the week. And, you know, our friend, it was just kind of happened organically just from hanging out. And then whenever he broke up with his girlfriend, he hit me up on MySpace. And Lauren and I decided to invite him to our Halloween party because we needed new guys. And we were hanging out with all these, or I was with these professional BMX riders from X Games. And like, they're all hot and like, you know or I was like okay I know who to invite like we're inviting this group of guys so that's whenever you first came on the show and you know then we actually did have chemistry and I liked that he was respected and you know he was very healthy and all about his career and he just had a whole different vibe about him than these LA guys and then that wasn't the case and you write a lot about how you would catch him cheating which we've I mean I think I can say a lot of us most of us have been cheated on and it's one of the worst feelings yeah when was the first time you caught him cheating well the you know whenever he would go on these tours all the time I would always get Twitter messages from my from fans that watched the show and they would warn me and tell me that he was in a bar in Oregon that night making out with his friend and they love me and they just want me to know.

19:04So whenever I would confront him, he of course would say, they're just lying to you because they don't want you to be happy. They're fans, don't believe other people. You're going to believe them over me. So then I started thinking, okay, well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. And so I tried to block it out and constantly believe him because I didn't want to believe it but I kept getting these messages and then we were never ever dating like solidly consistently for more than like six months ever at a time until I got pregnant um because I was always filming or traveling and he was always gone traveling and had his life so it was this off and on relationship where it's not a secret that it was toxic I mean there's pictures of me crying all the time on the street or, you know, there's footage of it everywhere.

19:56Can you explain some of the red flags and manipulation tactics that you experienced in your relationship with Corey? It's like, so I always disregarded everything and I wanted to be in love. I loved him and I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to change myself and do whatever to make him happy. That's a huge red flag. If someone doesn't trust you or they're constantly, you know, wanting you to delete your social media accounts or constantly wanting to go through your text messages or you're not allowed to talk or go on or you can't even go have a girl's dinner without being blown up the whole time because you're being accused of going out to cheat or there might be a guy there that you run into.

20:40Like those are all red flags. Run. It almost, I'm sure, made you at times feel paranoid of like, oh my God, now I can't do any of this because he's going to get mad. And when you're thinking all the time about making sure your partner doesn't get mad, like that's not. Yeah, you're not even enjoying yourself. So for me, it got to the point where, you know, I would rather not go out because I'd rather not have to deal with the fight and the accusations. And it wasn't just like a day fight. It would string out over like a week or or something would happen and it would come back. And like, you know, it was all projection.

21:17And then if he thought I was cheating on him with one of my producers, you know, when I was on the travel show and I didn't call him at a certain time when I was in bed, like hell would break loose. And then because of that, I wouldn't hear from him for three or four days. And then I'd find out he was with all these girls in his hotel room. So it was this really toxic struggle. It's like now girls that go through that and they see those red flags, like pay attention. you know I think also something you said to anyone listening that I definitely have experienced is like the when they keep saying that you're the one cheating that usually means they're the one like you said projection like why are you so obsessed with me cheating I have not done anything to make you think that and you usually start finding the truth out after like and that's the thing with my ex in our relationship I would forgive and then things would be amazing and And then I would find the truth out three months into us being amazing.

22:15And it would be like, not again. No, like why can't it just be good? You wrote in your book, I had grown used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Corey standing over me yelling and cursing things like, you're pathetic, you're a failure, you're a fake cunt. Yeah. to what extent were your family and friends aware of the abusive nature of your relationship with Corey they weren't aware of that I tried to hide it from a lot of people um because it's embarrassing it's humiliating and that's after you know I had my daughter and I wanted it to work I had hope but it just gradually kept getting worse and I thought if I if we got married and now we have this beautiful child together like things would be great he could now know that I'm his like I'm not gonna cheat on him like stop worrying about that like this is my life now so again it was projection because coming home so late and calling me those names and making accusations not having any self-control that was a huge red flag too and I hit it for a long time yeah I really appreciate you saying that because I think a lot of people can relate to that like feeling embarrassed to tell people and that's another sign right like when you're hiding it from the people that love you the most that would accept anything that you come to them with like it but it's so hard to just open up about it because there's also part of you that wants it to get better yeah and believes it can change.

23:53You wrote also about finding the naked photos and the sex on his phone. Yeah. And I have personally experienced that and literally your heart drops. It rips your heart out. In those moments, how did you keep it together? I had to because I remember when I'd see that it's like I had to get up the next day and go film and try to pretend like everything's fine and I would cry I I kind of started to learn how to block it out and like show up with a smile do what I needed to do and cry after like you just it's like you turn it on when you need to for cameras because otherwise and and I this happened with Heidi a lot I would always she knows me so like we would start talking barely in a scene and she'd say one thing and then I I couldn't hold it together and I just start crying and they didn't show a lot of that, but it's like I couldn't help it.

24:53Right. So, um, yeah, it's hard. But whenever you see that, it's hard. I cried. I was mad. You know, I yelled. I was like, get out of my house. Get out of my house now. And he wouldn't leave. He would not leave. So I would go sleep in the other room and I would end up leaving my own house in the morning. and you know then he would be it's my fault because I wasn't giving enough attention or I didn't do this or you know so then it's like what like this is such a mind again it's almost gaslighting like you just caught him doing something and somehow in two seconds it's turned around on you like well you don't give me enough attention that's why and he's justifying like him getting nude photos and I remember you wrote about how you're like and then I would try to convince myself like maybe the girl didn't mean to send it to him and I know but then I would get a message from the girl because he called her and she would write me saying how he loves me so much and they just talk about me all the time and I'm like yeah but I saw your entire vagina and what you wrote to him like how are you and you're a fan but like you're going after my boyfriend like what it's just talk it's weird it's very toxic yeah you write about when you found out you're pregnant and you talk about how Corey was like so excited he was so excited so ready to have this baby with you and for the future did you believe that Corey could change once he became a father I did like a hundred percent yeah and I remember he was you know there is these ups and downs and especially once Kira was born it's like the happiest I had ever seen him and he was so excited to be a dad and just for this new chapter in our lives you know but things gradually got worse it kept getting worse and worse and worse how were you so lonely yeah gosh I'm gonna get like teary-eyed going this is another it's like hard to go back yeah um I was but I had my family So I sold my LA house because I didn't feel safe there.

26:59And I took a break from TV. And I was like, this is my life. Now I'm going to make it work. Like, I am such a fighter and so determined. And, you know, my main priority was my baby and making it work with him. And I moved in with my, you know, moved in with my parents. I stayed with them until my house sold. I was back and forth. But thankfully, I had my family and friends. um so did they kind of then start to realize because now he's like not even a part of your pregnancy I mean they did but they also knew that his career he was in you know Budapest or he was in Australia for three months or he had to be here like that was his job but at least like don't disappear for four days and not even text you back he wasn't even calling you or texting you like so that drove me crazy and I again that's something I didn't want anyone to know either because I was stressing out, but I didn't want it to appear like that.

27:58Like I really wanted it to work. And because like when you're pregnant, that's supposed to be a time where you're stress-free and you're trying to – so I can understand why you probably were just trying to like keep it together because you're like the energy for my baby. I just need to like be with my family and not focus on that. You kind of learn how just to change your focus, your priority. And my priority is to be healthy for this baby and do whatever it takes, no matter what happens like this baby is my everything so once you gave birth was you write about basically like it was a struggle for Corey to be a good dad did you trust him to parent without you there you know when we were together with Kira he was an amazing dad you know he made her laugh he played with her he'd bring me food he'd he was very helpful um but he was gone all the time he was always gone but that you know he couldn't just be with her he had to have all of his friends there and turn it into like a drinking fest and it's like can't you just be with your daughter one night or two nights just you and her and not make it a thing or like a friend thing I mean I can't imagine like I'm not a mother but I can't imagine the anxiety you have the minute you have your child and everything every step they're taking or breath they're having you're like oh my god I you need to focus on them and when you wrote about in the book how you walked in and your daughter had throw up oh yeah all over her over well she had it it was like stains all over the bassinet and when I got home that day I knew when I FaceTimed him and they were drinking and running around naked in the living room the music was loud I knew right then I was like okay your priorities are not right like this isn't happening again because she I think she was only four or five months so you know you have to be you can't drink or have too much fun you have to be there like mentally in case something happens or they wake up and they cry you can't go drinking with your friends and then pass out with a baby upstairs you then get married what was going through your head the morning of your wedding day

30:37What was going through your head the morning of your wedding day? There is so much. And I got married, you know, five months after I had my baby. And I remember my sister was there the night before and was even like, Drina, you don't have to do this. Like, let's get on a plane and let's go. Mom and dad will handle it. Like, I was like, I can't do that though like we've gone this far all of our families here from Australia from like everywhere is here like everyone's here on this island for a week and I was such a people pleaser at that point which now I mean I've done so much healing and I've grown so much if I could go back things would be different um but yeah I was I just kind of was in robot mode kind of like jumped back into this like mode that I used to get in on the hills where almost like performance smell like okay just get your makeup done walk down the aisle everything's gonna be fine just get through it everything's gonna be fine it's so sad too because comparing it to the hills it's like you've learned to how to kind of like just turn it on and off like turn yourself off and turn on like just get through it mode and yet we're talking about like your life like this is this wasn't being filmed this is your wedding like it's what advice would you give because I know a lot of women that have written in being like I don't know but I'm getting married what advice would you give to someone who's waking up on their wedding day with a pit in their stomach knowing they don't want to but they feel like they should like what advice don't do it because once you bring a baby into it into the world things don't get easier it gets harder and then marriage on top of that with finances and parenting and decisions like that all makes such a difference and it's not just dating or having your space to go to anymore like you're together with someone forever so don't rush into getting married take your time things kind of got worse you write about a moment where he physically pushed you and you were holding your baby can you kind of walk me through that moment of what you were feeling?

32:54I, it was kind of like that fight or flight mode. Like I kind of froze and I didn't know what to do, but things kept escalating. And when I was pushed back, you know, and Kira started screaming and crying and then I started crying and then he realized what happened and then he started crying. It's just like everything just spiraled and it got worse. and it's like you know that's when my family got involved and when the police got involved and that's after going to therapy and trying to make it work it's like you're not changing you're not wanting to change like I can't do this anymore not only is it obviously not okay to shove you but the image of reading it of you holding your daughter while he's shoving you it's just like heartbreaking because it's going back to like the fight was wasn't it about he thought you were cheating again well not that I was I knew that he was and at that point I was so numb I didn't care I was kind of like and I talk about this in the book I got to the point where I was almost like I'm glad that you're cheating like go be with anyone you want just don't touch me like I don't want to be around you your energy like everything it just made me want to run I think it was very admirable of how you wrote about how like you knew the minute you called the police it was going to be kind of over yeah can you if someone's listening explain where you mentally were at where you knew like that you needed to do this for you and your daughter I knew that that moment I called the police that's the end of it and and I knew that after what had happened and just the he wasn't going to change and I gave him so many chances and once I had my daughter it's like I wasn't living for me anymore it was my life now is to protect her and to make sure she has the best life and and I knew that it would go all over the tabloids because it's public records which it did, which I was dreading.

35:06And that's why I didn't want to do it. I wanted to keep our life private. And it did go everywhere. You know, it's humiliating. After you called the police, was that also when you got the restraining order? Yeah. So that kind of came after because he kept showing up at my events, following me, making a scene. He kept calling, he kept showing up and it's like, leave me alone. So, you know, after eventually my lawyer was like, Audrina, this is not right. There is enough evidence. She's like, I'm getting you a restraining order. And I was like, well, are you sure that's the right thing to do? That's going to go public now.

35:43And like, it was constantly like I had to stop caring about the public and what people thought and just do things for me and what was good for me and my daughter. Sometimes those extreme measures are imperative at that point because how much farther would it go if you didn't I know yeah so in my mind that's where I knew this is it it's time and I was so depleted energetically emotionally physically spiritually I was I mean everyone around me knew that something I was just I lost so much weight I was isolated I wasn't myself and I was trying to get back out there and smile and like but it just I it wasn't there so I just knew like it's time you wrote a lot about how the mental abuse affected how you viewed yourself you wrote when you're told you're a piece of shit every day you begin to believe it it becomes your reality you stop fighting back and slowly start to die inside how did you get the strength to leave when you feel so depleted like so I got this strength through going to church I turned to God I literally me and Kira would go every Sunday I got into a small group I had support I had a support system and guidance and I would cry all the time and like I finally built up that courage and just kept praying and I was like is this the right thing to do divorce doesn't you know at the time it didn't run in our family like you married you you like hash it out till the end you make things work.

37:24So it was really that decision was really, really hard for me to do. But going to church and just having faith and doing what was right for my daughter, like that's that's what helped me through it. And I think that was the best decision I've made. So I am in such a happy I mean, I'm in such a good place now. I'm happy. My daughter is happy. You know, she you know, she has the best of both worlds and she's with all of her family and her school and like I I'm just I'm healed enough where I'm open to dating now since your divorce have you been able to try to find healthier relationships and are there things you're immediately looking for and having boundaries now oh my gosh maybe a little too hard of boundaries no such thing okay I love this my friends are like Audrina your standards are up to here like you know it's like I love to flirt and whatever but no I it's like I'm not dating for me anymore it's my daughter too so it's whoever I date next is it has to be the real deal it's not just I'm not just gonna bring them into my life to meet my family or my friends or it'll be someone that no one will really know I'm with until it's solid and it's good and then people will be like oh wow that's that's where I'm at right now I love that for you so much and you deserve that what do you wish people understood about what it's like to be inside of an abusive relationship um it doesn't have to just it's not sometimes when people say abusive relationships they think physical But abusive relationships aren't always physical.

39:13It's emotional. It's being called a piece of shit. It's, you know, being put down all the time. Internally, it takes a long time to recover from that and to get your confidence back and to feel like you're you again or like you are lovable, like someone will love you again. Like, don't believe that you're never going to be loved again or you're not good enough. Like you are. So it's just, you know, it could be spiritually, physically, emotionally, any kind of abuse. It's just that word doesn't necessarily mean physical. And it's, you know, toxic relationships. Like it's not right. You got to get out of it.

39:56You need support. Like get yourself out. And it's not easy once you're in it. Like it's like you're swimming and you're trying to keep your head above water and you're barely breathing. and you need someone sometimes to come and pull you out. You can't do it on your own. Audrina, thank you so much for coming on. I like, I, your book truly, like I felt like it was such a journey to read and there were so many fun moments, so many intense moments and it all really came together. And I feel like I'm excited to just see what you do next because we've watched you for so fricking long and I'm like sad that I'm not gonna be able to see you on TV, but you have a podcast now.

40:33Yes, the podcast with Brody and Frankie. It's a Hills rewatch, but we talk about other things too. It's not just the Hills. So is it fun for, do you think it's like a fun thing to rewatch or do you think? Okay. Can I be honest? It is so cringy for me to watch. I cannot watch it without having like a glass of wine. You're like, I didn't say that. It's like, what was I thinking? Like, and then I think, okay, this is great. Like one day when my daughter's old enough, I'll watch it with her and be like, this is what you're not doing. And this is what will happen if you do what I did. like I truly don't know a world without the hills you guys basically like created reality television in a sense and it's it's gonna be sad for it to be gone but I'm excited for the podcast maybe when we're like old people again like give it another 20 years we'll be like 50 60 ready to do it again I don't know let me be so clear I would watch thank you thank you thank you Audrina thank you so much that means a lot thank you thank you

41:43We'll be right back.