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Call Her Daddy Episode Summary: Big Al’s Bachelorette
Episode Overview In this episode of Call Her Daddy, Alex Cooper, affectionately known as Big Al, shares her experiences and lessons learned from her recent bachelorette party. The episode tackles various aspects of planning bachelorette parties, addressing issues like financial differences among friends, navigating social dynamics, and setting realistic expectations.
Key Themes and Discussions
- Personal Reflections on Bachelorette Parties
- Initial Reluctance: Alex expresses her initial reluctance towards having a bachelorette party, having viewed weddings and marriage as archaic.
- Shift in Perspective: Through her relationship with Matt and her personal growth, Alex has come to embrace the idea of a wedding and bachelorette party.
- Planning a Bachelorette Party
- Choosing the Right Environment: Alex emphasizes the importance of selecting an activity that suits the group's interests, citing her choice of a ski trip as a more relaxed option.
- Friendship Dynamics: She discusses the challenge of mixing different friend groups and how it’s okay to have separate celebrations for different groups.
- Financial Considerations
- Recognizing Financial Differences: Alex points out the disparity in financial situations among friends, stressing the need for empathy and understanding.
- Covering Costs: She decides to cover most of the trip expenses to alleviate her friends' financial pressures, highlighting a proactive approach to planning.
- Expectations of Bachelorette Parties
- Reality vs. Social Media: Alex discusses the creation of unrealistic expectations stemming from social media portrayals of lavish bachelorette parties. She encourages listeners to focus on personal connections over extravagant displays.
- Managing Expectations: She advises brides-to-be to understand that not every aspect of their celebration will be perfect and to prioritize genuine experiences over material ones.
- Creating a Fun and Relaxed Atmosphere
- Inclusivity in Planning: Alex suggests including friends in the planning process to foster a sense of ownership and reduce stress.
- Encouragement of Authentic Interactions: She shares her belief that true enjoyment comes from laughter and meaningful conversations with loved ones rather than strictly adhering to party norms.
- Advice for Future Brides
- Setting Boundaries: Alex emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries when planning bachelorette parties to ensure they are enjoyable for everyone involved.
- Dealing with Unwanted Guests: She discusses how brides should feel empowered to invite only those who contribute positively to their experience and to maintain their comfort.
- Matt's Surprise Bachelor Party
- Planning in Secrecy: Alex shares the story of how she and Matt's friends orchestrated a surprise bachelor party for him, showcasing the importance of thoughtful planning for memorable experiences.
- Questions from Listeners
- Alex answers several listener questions regarding bachelorette party dynamics, financial contributions, and how to handle difficult social situations, reinforcing her messages of empathy and open communication.
Key Takeaways
- Embrace Authentic Connections: Focus on the relationships that matter and create experiences that prioritize emotional connections over social media validation.
- Be Financially Mindful: Understand the financial burden of group events and seek to alleviate pressure where possible.
- Expect the Unexpected: Prepare to adapt expectations and be present in the moment, as perfect experiences are often unrealistic.
- Cultivate Open Communication: Encourage open dialogue among friends to address concerns and foster an enjoyable atmosphere for everyone.
Conclusion This episode of Call Her Daddy serves not only as a reflection on Alex's bachelorette experience but also as a guide for future brides and their friends. Through humor and honesty, Alex emphasizes that the essence of a bachelorette party lies in making memories with those you love rather than conforming to societal expectations.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Sunday morning, Father's calling. do do do do do do do do every sunday's father's day that was pretty good right hi everyone it is alex your father back at it again for another episode of call her daddy i am so so so excited for this episode today is the official call her daddy bachelorette episode. I've been waiting to do this episode for kind of a while now, but I obviously had to have my own bachelorette to really seal the deal and be able to talk about it in the way that I wanted to. So I am going to take you through my personal bachelorette that happened a couple of weeks ago. And I'm just going to talk about bachelorettes in general, because let me do a little disclaimer.
0:50If you are sitting listening to this today or watching this today and you're like, I've never been to a bachelorette or I don't plan on going to one or I don't even plan on getting married. It is OK. This episode is for you because technically this is really an episode about how to handle dynamics with your girlfriends and how to handle financial differences, social differences, life differences. I am so excited. Let's get into it. Bachelorette season has commenced.
1:42I'm going to first preface this with I did not want a bachelorette. I feel like I in the beginning was an anti-bride now I've definitely leaned more in and I'm really excited about my wedding which is so fucking soon it's crazy to say that but I was someone that I don't know like I think when I look back daddy gang it kind of is synonymous with the way that I felt about weddings and if you didn't listen to an episode where I talked about my feelings on getting married I will explain it quickly I feel like growing up I really was adverse to the concept of getting married because I don't know I felt like there was just like one way to do it and and weddings and marriage it all just felt very archaic and I was like I don't want to do what everyone around me has done and except for my parents most of the relationships I saw around me was a fucking shit show and I was like my parents are just a one-off like they got lucky I'm never gonna get that lucky and marriage and weddings it's just like it's it's like a fucking hallmark scam where it we why are we doing all this shit to ourselves it's so fucking stressful just sign your name on a piece of fucking paper if you want to get married and have a little ceremony in your backyard obviously my whole outlook has changed and I think it's because of my relationship with Matt and the work that I've done to realize that you can really create whatever the fuck you want out of any fucking situation I am so excited now to get married and I'm so excited to have a wedding that I have planned with my fiance and I feel so good about it.
3:16For the most part, this wedding is full proof of like, I'm happy with it. I'm not doing things for other people. I'm not inviting people I don't want to invite. I'm not doing it somewhere I'm going to be unhappy. I'm not getting a dress that my mother wanted me to wear, but I don't want to wear. Like, I feel really fortunate that I, when I decided to get married and do a wedding, I immediately was like, oh, well, that if I'm going to fucking do it, boundaries, motherfucker. And the same thing goes for a bachelorette. So I had initially told my friends because they kept asking me like, oh my God, bitch, when are we going to do your bachelorette?
3:49And I was like, I don't think we're going to do one, ladies. And my friends were definitely sad. They're like, Alex, come on. Like, you got to do it. You have to have fun with it. And I, my feeling about bachelorettes was just like it looks like a fucking disaster. First of all, and I know this doesn't sound that fun, but it to me, it brings me happiness and hope and serenity and calmness and peace and just joy. I like to get in bed by seven o 'clock. If it was if it was my choice, I would get in bed by 630. OK, I just love to be relaxed. So when I think of bachelorettes, I think of, oh, my God, party culture.
4:31I have to stay awake past midnight. I got to really be up in the ante with the party tricks. And I really got to be like putting my best foot forward when really the reality when I'm with my friends is like, we like to lay like we like to like my friend Kristen and I, our favorite pastime is sitting scrolling TikTok and watching a reality show at the same time and sharing like a bowl of treats and occasionally being like, what's up? Lauren and I, deep convos till we're like blue in the face. Lauren and I can go for five hours and Matt will come in and be like, you guys haven't left the couch. Why are you guys still talking?
5:08Aren't you sick of each other? We're like, oh, we're just getting to the good stuff. We're just getting to talking about you, Matt. Okay. So like all of these friendships, Jackie and I, Jackie and I just love to fucking sit on FaceTime for hours. And half the time we're not even talking to each other or half the time we're talking about like some dumb family shit that just like is stupid and redundant, but we just want to just like get the drama. But none of my friends and I are still kicking it at one oak, you know, and I used to be a regular. So the first nervous feeling I had towards a bachelorette was like, I don't know if I can hang anymore.
5:42Papa Koops has gone down. Big Al doesn't mean on the club bar anymore. Big Al means Big Al really cozying up in my couch, you know so that was my first fear of like oh my god like I I'm I'm grandpa coops like I can't hang and the second thing was like I have different friend groups right and so I have my LA friend group and then I have my childhood friends and I was just anxious of like how do you intermingle people that they have all kind of met but like I just love to emotionally connect with my friends because this is the reality. And unless you're getting married at like 15, we love a child bride.
6:24No, we don't. I think my biggest other fear was like, time is of the essence when you're an adult, okay? And when you are seeing your friends, my want when I see my friends, because it's very rare that we all get to get together, is to have deep conversations and to connect and to reconnect and get updates on each other's lives. And I feel like when I picture a bachelorette, it's just debauchery and insanity and drinking culture. And how the fuck are we going to get any progress done? If anything, I'm going to leave there with a fucking anxiety hangover and be like, oh my God, I need to hibernate for the next fucking week.
7:00And I can't do that because now we're all adults. We've got fucking work. We can't skip class tomorrow. I don't have class. I have a fucking episode to upload for the world. Do you know what I mean? There are responsibilities that go beyond now. Okay. I'm a dog mother. I have to take my dogs out to shit at 6 a.m. I can't be in bed till noon anymore so I was on the phone with Lauren and Lauren was just talking to me about come on Alex like you need to do a bachelorette and finally I was like okay Lauren what would that even fucking look like in a way that that it wouldn't give me anxiety and she's like close your eyes you can tell Lauren's in therapy when she's like let's role play here okay I'm like okay let's role play she's like close your eyes and just picture like where would make you happy?
7:44And I'm like, okay, great question. Well, my wedding is in a tropical location. So I feel like I would love to go somewhere cold and snowy. Like I love skiing. I love the snow. And I feel like that would give us more to do than just like sit somewhere and drink. Like I want to have some type of activity to do, but again, activity, what do you say? Activity, you know, take it with a grain of salt. You know what I mean? Like I'm not, I'm not a gal that's really trying to giddy up. You know, I don't want to do excursions. I don't want to do anything that really requires too much energy. But like, I know to some people you're like skiing is that for me, but for me skiing, I grew up skiing.
8:24I do like sports and it is not like I'm competing with anyone. So that to me is good. Um, so I was like, maybe it's a ski trip. Like, how does that sound? And Lauren was like, it sounds like that would make you happy. So let's fucking do it. And I will just say I love my friends so much and I feel so fucking just grateful that I had people that were one pushing me to do something that I didn't want to do. Fuck you. No, they knew at the end of the day that I would have fun if it was in the right environment. And I really appreciate them for facilitating this because I wasn't going to do it. So Lauren was like, okay, it's settled.
9:06let's do a ski location so we plan utah and i want to just first now start with the conversation of finances i have so many people writing into me about finances with bachelorettes and it is a fucking nightmare like let's just call it what it is and again when i'm talking about a bachelorette again if you can't relate to a bachelorette group trips friend trips spring break like wherever you would be going with a group of your girlfriends, everyone is on a different financial situation, right? And I'm aware I make a lot of money. And so I knew immediately, like, I'm going to completely cover most of this trip.
9:45Like, I want to make sure that my friends aren't stressed. And so I immediately took it upon myself to be like, recognize that your friends are going to come and I know they're going to spend money and I know they're going to put effort into making it special for me but for the bulk like big chunk of the trip I personally decided to cover and I felt really good about that I know some people would be like but it's your bachelorette like you shouldn't be paying for anything absolutely fucking not like I had some people being like my friends aren't completely covering my bachelorette I'm like oh my god your poor friends listen the reality is this to all my brides okay and I love you so much because I am a bride myself I'm about to be, okay?
10:27The world doesn't revolve around you. And so as much as in your mind, this bachelorette and this wedding is about to be the most important day and it's all about you and you're so focused on it, this isn't for them. Your friends probably have five other fucking bachelorettes that they need to go to. Sorry, you're not their only friend. And they also have their own life. If you are the bitch that is asking your fucking friends to go to Greece for your bachelorette, knock it off. Knock it the fuck off. Okay. Unless you are pegging for every fucking thing. You got the plane, you got the tickets, you got the Airbnb, you got everything.
11:06Amazing. I understand there are some girls that have dreams. Don't we all? I get it. We all have dreams, but maybe, you know, knock the dreams down a little bit. Like knock it off. Okay. Bring them down a notch because you're not being thoughtful towards all these other people. Again, when you become an adult, a lot of our friends start to get married. We got a lot of fucking events and shit to go to. We all have jobs. We all have financial restrictions. We're trying to buy homes. We're trying to get married. We're trying to pay off fucking student loans. We're trying to like, we're trying to fucking survive.
11:47Okay. Okay. hey, we're trying to save money, not burn money. And so there's a resentment, I think, that can happen when the bride is so unselfaware that they're asking people to spend so much fucking money. Now, on the other end of things, there is also a certain obligation as a friend, like make your fucking friend feel special. My friends did not go buy me a horse and buggy to drive around Main Street in Utah with chrome rims. and let me think of a better, my friends didn't buy something that was going to break their fucking bank and give them actual anxiety where they were getting hives on the trip, okay?
12:26My friends went on Amazon. They got streamers. They bought me a shotski. It was so fucking perfect. Every fucking detail they did, they got, they cut out of Matt's head. My friend Kristen made these like matching sweatshirts that we all wore all weekend. There are ways to do things and every single thing they fucking did for me, I almost kept crying because it was just so thoughtful. And it's not about how much money you spend. It's about showing your friend. I would have been fucking happy with each of them writing me a card, like a nice, thoughtful card. You know what I mean? And if your friend is just being a cunt and is expecting like a fucking Cartier ring, tell her to go fuck herself and fucking marry a sugar daddy bitch.
13:05Like, oh, sorry. Well, your husband isn't buying that for you. Why the fuck would I? Okay. But again, I think it's like, don't let your friend feel like you didn't put in effort. And I think sometimes effort can be misconstrued, especially with what we see on social media as like it needs to break the bank. It really fucking doesn't. But back to my trip. So my weekend consisted of my three best childhood friends and myself. And now again, let me circle back to the conversation about friends. I have my LA friend group and then I have my childhood best friends. I wanted to invite all of the LA people, but I also recognize my LA friends, none of them ski.
13:42Okay. Love you. You're not East Coast material though. So I recognize, you know what? And it really, I felt like was the best decision I made. I said to myself, okay, I'm going to go on this trip with my childhood friends and I'm going to do something with my LA friends at a different date. I think what my advice would be to people that are struggling with who to invite is this, invite whoever the fuck you want. I reached out to my friends in LA because I knew they would see my social media. And the truth was, it's like, of course I wanted them there. But I also knew like different friend groups is okay.
14:19Like I want to talk to my childhood friends about all of the shit from our childhood and our parents and our families that like, I know that my adult friends would feel like, I don't know any of these stories. And I think it's okay to acknowledge that, that like every, also I think you're different with certain friends, right? I am a certain way with my childhood friends and I'm a different way with my adult friends and that's normal. So I think it gave me a lot of like peace and allowed me to not have anxiety when I just recognized like I don't need to feel the need to merge it all together so no one feels left out.
14:59But at the end of the day also it's like half the time I'm convinced people don't even fucking care and they don't even want to go, You know, like we're all so fucking busy. Like, you know, no one actually wants to go. So it's like I think they were like I think it's OK sometimes to just cut it off. And a lot of people were writing into me asking questions about like, well, what if you feel obligated to invite one person even though you don't like them? No, no, no. know you do not invite anyone to these special days your bachelorette and your wedding that you're not comfortable with I get the wedding is a little difficult because it's like fuck there's family shit and whatever but with your bachelorette if you fucking hate your sister-in-law just be like oh like if they ask you be like oh I'm just doing like my like a certain group of friends.
15:52I'm trying to keep it small. Love you. Let's get dinner. But like the audacity some fucking people have is wild. And so to the daddy gang listening, it is not your job to make people feel comfortable if they are not invited to something unless it is one of your closest friends that it would be like absolutely fucking insane that you just like randomly. It's like I didn't invite Lauren and Lauren's literally like, can we talk? But if you are not close with someone and they have the audacity to text you being like, hey, I heard I'm not invited to the bachelorette and I'm really hurt and upset. And you guys like have never been to a dinner alone.
16:32You're not close. This person makes you feel insecure. They're mean to you. Same thing if you're in high school or college and you're planning a girl's trip and you don't want someone there. If they do not make you feel good about yourself and this is your fucking trip and it's about you, you do not need to fucking invite that person. And I think when people ask me like, well, what's the explanation? You don't say anything. And if they come to you, I think that's even crazier. And that's another, I would say that is, that should solidify why you didn't invite them. If someone is that selfish to text someone and it's their bachelorette or it's their wedding and be like, I can't believe I wasn't invited when you're not even that fucking close by it's like, this isn't about you read the room why you weren't invited you're mean to me you make me feel like shit I don't want to feel anxious around you on a day that is supposed to be celebrating me and I'm supposed to be happy and having fun with my closest friends and people so let's go through my weekend really quickly because I know that sorry there's so many themes that I want to get to okay so we stayed at this place called the Stein Erikson it's like this lodge vibe it's like old lodgy what like log cabin Yellowstone, you know, it's just giving it's giving it's giving and so we get in there and I was fucking dying because I had already I had already prepped Jackie and Kristen Lauren and I sleep really well together Because Lauren like literally doesn't move and I don't move And Jackie's a little too cuddly for me and Kristen's needy in the morning because she wakes up at 6 a.m So I was like, why don't you guys sleep together and Lauren and I will sleep together the issue with that.
18:06The second bedroom, I sent them, I need to fucking post this picture. When I was booking the rooms at this place, there was only a main bedroom and then the second bedroom had bunk beds. And I sent my friends this and I'm like, are you guys okay to like sleep in a bunk bed? And Chris and Jackie were amazing. They were like, oh my God, I fucking love it. Nostalgia, bitch. Like childhood friends, let's really lean the fuck in. Bunk bed, sleepovers, let's go. So we get to the place. And honestly, it was, I will say, just a little fucking depressing because the bunk bedroom didn't have windows and it kind of was like a closet vibe.
18:44But I love them so much and they were such good sports. And then at the fucking end of the trip, we realized there was a fucking Murphy bed in the living room and it was a huge fucking bed. And the last night they slept there, but we had so much fun. So we get there. The place is amazing. And we have all these fucking Amazon boxes. And I will just say I was so happy that my friends and I didn't take it too seriously where like all of I knew like the decorations were in these boxes and I wasn't like wow you guys didn't set up before we got here which I just I'm saying because I know brides would probably say that it's like I didn't give a fuck like it was just so cute that they even ordered shit there I didn't need any fucking decorations they were so sweet so we immediately shower change and we put on like really crazy cute outfits and we go to this like club in Deer Valley.
19:29It's like an outdoor clubby situation. And you guys, we are in the car on the way there. And this is again what like I just want to like hopefully just give you guys this positive energy if you are about to go on to your bachelorette. We are in the car and Jackie is like, okay, do you guys think it's going to be like really rowdy there? Or do we think it's going to be like dead? Like is anyone going to be there? We're literally going on to the St. Regis like Instagram we're trying to check like what is going on it's called the vintage room it's like this um this like tented club thing and we're like do you think anyone's gonna be there and then we're all convinced because we can't see nothing is on the Instagram we're like you guys it's literally gonna be like two creepy men in the corner with bottle service and just us and we were like amazing like we were so excited about the concept of us being the only people in the club and it being like such loser energy and us just having the time of our lives together.
20:24And so we show up and the fucking line is all the way down the fucking, like it is the craziest fucking line. And thankfully we had like this table. So we got to go in and we get into this place and it is a fucking shit show. There's another bachelorette party. Everyone is hammered. Everyone is popping champagne. And it was so fucking fun. We got the, um, like the corner table and we were kind of like in the back, which was fabulous. And we had the most fun. I need to post this fucking video of Lauren McMullen and I, you guys, we had so much fucking fun. We were, I, I physically peed my pants from laughing so fucking hard.
21:03We were laughing so hard to the point that we cried. Insert video of Lauren. If you're watching this episode, sobbing, we are sobbing. It's also because Kristen was doing like the fucking Irish jig with the penis straw, penis straws. Okay. So shout out to Lauren because I had said to Lauren, no penises, Lauren. Okay. No penises. I'm not interested in the penises. I wanted to go out and not be like sticking out like a sore thumb. And so I was like, I, if we can just, I don't want to wear like crazy all white outfits. Just like, I don't know. I was just trying to like enjoy. I also don't like the color white on myself that much.
21:38That's why like my wedding dress will not be stark white. But I, um, I just was like, let's just try to keep it chill. Lauren. Okay. So Lauren was like, okay, but like Alex, like, can I just get some penis straws like Lauren was obsessed with getting the penis straws and I'm like fine Lauren the problem is that Lauren was like I won't go too crazy on the penis straws but then Lauren got these tiny thin stick like penis straws that were like like skin colored penis straws like not cute pink ones these are like kind of creepy like veiny thin little weenie straws and so it was so funny it ended up being amazing and it was so fucking cute and so Kristen's doing the fucking fiddling like a flute on the little penis rod and she's doing the fucking Irish jig and Lauren and I are sobbing our eyes out having the most fun and I think when I look back and it just makes me so happy and I really encourage everyone to have fun with your girlfriends when you're out I feel like obviously when I used to be like a little bit younger I feel like every time I went out it was just You're so focused on, understandably, like finding a guy.
22:44And if there's not cute guys there, you're leaving. But something I started to do when I lived in New York and I've carried on, and I get it, I'm in a relationship, so it's different for me. But even if you're single, I really, really think that there's nothing better than when you just commit to having a girls' night. You're not focusing on other people. You're just with your girlfriends and you're having so much fun. And we laughed until we peed. We like didn't even need to drink to party, but we drank. And then the next morning we went and we woke up, we ate breakfast, we skied. And that morning, though, they made me sit, do my skincare in the room.
23:20And I came out and they were so cute. I'll put pictures. It was what did what did they call the weekend? Big Al gets sloshed on the slopes. Who came up with that? Obviously, Lauren McMullen. Let me take a sip of this coffee, you guys.
23:36I can only drink coffee when I'm home because like I will ship my pans people that are like oh I'm gonna get a coffee before the flight sorry sorry the plane the plane's going down if big al gets in that fucking little cabin seat and blows it to shreds okay like I can't drink coffee in public.
24:00Okay. So the second day we go ski and we had so, so much fun skiing. Again, I was really excited that the whole weekend wasn't revolving around drinking, but I appreciated the activity that we did. Here's the thing. Before this trip, we had a group chat that we started and the group chat was to kind of just plan the whole weekend. And I would like to give some advice on the planning of a bachelorette trip um I don't think one person should plan the trip I think it leaves room for a lot of error is there anything worse than getting the fucking email with the bachelorette itinerary you'll be doing this at this time and this at this time and you're like I have to do two fucking excursions today and I gotta stay up past 12 and I got like are you fucking kidding me?
24:53I feel like I'm going to fucking camp. And that is not something I enjoyed in my life. Okay. So I think when you're able to plan it with your friends and make it more of like a everyone kind of contribute, then everyone will feel more excited about it and less freaked out of like, oh God, we have to do this. And again, as the bride, if your friends don't want to fucking do something, don't get mad at them. Okay. Like we're adults. I don't want to do a lot of shit. Okay. You know what I don't want to be doing is I don't want it to be 2am and I don't want to have a male stripper giving me a lap dance.
25:27I don't because you know what? I did it enough in college. I have had enough dicks and asses right up on my fanny and I don't need it anymore. I don't need it. And again, I'm not judging. I fucking hope if you want to fucking dick and ass in your face, bitch get those fucking strippers but my friends knew don't push me bitch okay I don't want that so don't make your friend don't force your friends to do shit so by the time that we like completely figured out the schedule I remember I was talking to Jackie and Kristen and Lauren and they were all like I remember once we solidified the schedule all of us were like oh my god there's not one fucking thing on this schedule that I'm dreading like and that's the that's what you should have And of course, there's going to be a couple things maybe the bride wants to do that you kind of have to fold to.
26:17But for my trip, I was like, do whatever the fuck you guys want. Let's just have a good time. And so we just literally skied, hot tub, drank, repeat. It was fabulous. And I'm just so fortunate to have these type of friends that we all are so different personality wise, life wise. And yet coming back together and having this bachelorette. I'm aware that that is not like the typical bachelorette, but I did see a couple comments from people being like, wow, Alex, I appreciate that you didn't have a huge group of people because I feel like I just see on social media, there's like this culture that's kind of been created with bachelorettes and like feeling like you have to go huge and have it be so over the top.
27:04Like this wasn't over the top at all. If anything, you could, I know that there are so many people online that don't think I had a bachelorette because it didn't quite look like it. And people were like, is this your bachelorette? What is it? Like, I think it's okay to just live in the moment and have fun and not put too much expectations on things like this. Because at the end of the day, I feel like when you do that, you're going to be disappointed. And so to everyone that's a bride that's trying to micromanage, like you're going to be disappointed if you're trying to micromanage everything.
27:31If you can try to just maintain some more of a mentality of like, I'm getting to use my wedding as an excuse to bring my favorite girlfriends together and to have time with them that is so precious and you may never get again like we all kind of talked about it like damn we need to try to make this a tradition once a year that we all do this type of trip but we all know that's not completely realistic we all have different schedules different jobs, different lives. Maybe some of us are going to have kids at some point. Like we're all in different places. And I think if you can try to just manage your expectations and shift it from this needs to be the best weekend ever.
28:15And we have to get so many fucking pictures and we need it to be so cute. I mean, then you can actually enjoy yourself and leave being like, damn, I just had an incredible weekend with my girlfriends overall, not to be corny, but, and I don't know if they'll watch this. They watch my episodes. I would just like to thank my friends because I felt so loved and so supported and so fortunate that since our little days at St. Andrew's School in our ugly ass plaid uniforms and being in Catholic school together and going through the trenches with family shit and life and school and changes and puberty and boys and virginities and all of it.
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29:06Like, I'm just so fortunate that the four of us have stayed so close. And as crazy as all of our lives are and how different our lives are, the fact that we still can sit together and make time for each other and respect each other and support each other and love each other. Like it just makes me want to cry. And I just love them so much. And we've been through so much together. And I just think that again, these moments, sure, a bachelorette and penis straws, it's so fun. But really what made my trip was getting to sit that morning and talk with my friends for hours and sit and talk during lunch and smile and laugh till I fucking peed and cried and just be together.
29:52And that I think is what it's about. And I think when you start to focus on anything else, that's where you can kind of go down a really, really dark spiral because nothing is ever going to be as good as you imagine it with trips like this, because we know all of our friends, it's going to be a shit show. we're all going to get in fights. We're going to fucking get too drunk. Someone's going to do something dumb. Someone's going to make you upset. And yeah, just try to fucking be present and enjoy and not not stress too much. What I will say, and then I'm going to get your questions is Matt's bachelor party.
30:27OK, so I had this thing planned and Matt was kind of like, I don't really need a bachelor party. Maybe when you go away, I will go with a bunch of my friends and your brother and we'll go to like Palm Springs and golf. And I was like texting his, one of his best childhood friends was planning this entire bachelor party for Matt. And Matt had no idea. And so I texted his friend being like, Matt is gonna try on the weekend that I go with my girlfriends. Matt is gonna try so hard to get you guys to go golf. You need to turn him down because he's trying to make it his bachelor party. He's like, got it, got it, got it.
31:00So all of his friends deny him. And I felt so bad for Matt, you guys, because he was like, oh, like none of my friends are available. not even your brother and then I finally was like listen to me babe you're gonna have a bachelor party you're not gonna know when it's coming but it's coming and he's like wait what like our schedule is so fucking busy to the wedding like this is basically the only weekend I have free little did Matt know okay so
31:43Little did Matt know. Okay. So shout out Jason. Hello. So Jason is Matt's really good childhood best friend. And Jason texted me like months and months and months ago. Okay. And he was like, okay, I'm going to plan this Cabo trip. And I'm going to say my wife and I, and you and Matt are going to go on a couple's trip to Cabo. He like does some cool job where like he has clients that would give him like these houses and stuff. And so he's like, I'm going to tell him like one of my clients gave us a house and we're going to go to this house as a couple's retreat. And it's going to be super fun and it's going to be a nice relaxing weekend together.
32:22So this is like in fucking December or November of last year. Okay. And he asks us if we want to go and he had already prepped me. So I was like, yes, Jason, this is so fun. Like, yes, Matt, let's go. And Matt's usually like you never want to leave the house, but like, okay, great. Alex wants to go on a couple's trip. So fun. So fast forward, he knew this couple's trip was two weekends after my bachelorette trip. And he was like, but if we're going on that and then the next weekend we're going to be here and then the next weekend we're going to be there. Like, when is this bachelor trip happening?
32:52And he kept asking me and I kept not telling him. So finally, it is the time for our couple's trip, quotation marks to Cabo and I am fake packing the night before you guys and I'm like I'm shoving a fuck ton of stuff in the suitcase because I'm like I'm just putting all my dirty clothes in there because I'm like I'm so fucking messy if I pack right now I'm never gonna unpack for the fake trip that I'm fucking going on so I'm shoving all of my dirty clothes into this luggage bag and I zip it up and I'm like fake pretending to like pack my skincare and stuff so Matt doesn't catch John because he knows exactly how I pack.
33:30And I'm faking having a panic attack packing because Matt also knows, oh my God, this bitch is always a fucking nightmare packing. Like it's a, it's a whole ordeal when Alex is packing and what should I wear? And so I'm texting him like, what should I bring? And like, how many dinners do you think we're going to? I'm not going on this trip, you guys. Okay. So it is the morning of his bachelor trip. It's 6am and the car arrives at our house and Jason was in the car with Matt's brother and they were going to basically like pop out of the car and be like get the fucking bitch let's go and Matt has no idea they're in the car and then they're going to drive him to LAX and then the rest of all of his friends will be waiting for him at the airport so we're getting ready we're like getting the dog situated for like he thinks someone's going to come watch our dogs and we're bringing our bags down to the car and he's like okay can you go take the boys like inside I'll just handle the bags and he's like close the door behind me and he thinks I closed the door but I actually am coming outside and I'm filming him and I close the door behind me and I'm walking and walking and Jason pops out of the car and he's like hey and so at first Matt you hear Matt and he's like wait you came all this way to pick us up because again Matt thinks that Jason's wife is in the car he's like oh you guys picked us up like okay here let's go on our couples trip like that was so nice of you you didn't need to come all this way.
34:50And then all of a sudden his brother comes around the car and is like, get in, let's fucking go. And Matt realizes as he's holding our suitcases, he's like, no, you got to be fucking kidding me. And we got him so fucking good. You guys like Matt is the planner. Matt is the one that knows everything scheduling wise. He handles everything like Matt never gets fucking punked. He never is surprised. And it was so fucking cute to see people do something for Matt for once. Like, I feel like he's always doing shit for people. And it was so cute to see him like so shocked that we had all planned this behind his back.
35:26And he immediately is like, are you fucking kidding me? And so then we go back inside and then he's all frazzled because he's like, did I pack enough for like a boys trip? Like, oh, my God, like, what do I need? And it was so, so cute. And they took him away and they went to Cabo for the weekend. And it just made me so happy because, again, he went with his childhood best friends, some of his new adult friends. and my brother went, which makes me so happy. Matt and my brother are so close and it's just the cutest fucking thing. And my brother is the one that will be officiating our wedding. So Matt had a great time.
35:58I had a great time. And I just feel so happy that we both did it right. He was like, we literally went to bed at like 10 o 'clock every night, but like we golfed, we drank, we swam in the pool. It was perfect. And it was just also nice to see him and I just both get to really spend some quality time with our friends before this wedding. Okay. I am going to answer some questions because I know so many of you have quite a few questions and I really want to make sure that I'm doing my best to answer more specifics because I know that maybe my situation is not the same as your situation. So here we go.
36:57I have a lot of small girlfriend groups who don't all necessarily like each other or hang out ever. How do I throw my bachelorette inviting all my friends who I love and want there, but not worry about everyone getting along or even just having a good time? I don't want to be stressed about it and I genuinely want everyone to have the best time ever, but I don't know what to do. I mean, that's really tough. I think there's a couple things. Number one, if you want to invite everyone, I think the rooming situation is very important to just like make sure the people that are friends with each other get to stay together.
37:28I also think it's not really on you to manage dynamics. Like if everyone has one person that they're close with, then they can all figure it out and kind of like make good for you and not make drama that weekend. And then the other option that I would suggest that I kind of did is like there is a world where like you do one trip with maybe friends that don't live near you and then the friends maybe that do live near you go to fucking dinner and celebrate like a bachelorette doesn't need to be this destinational thing and I think so many people get in their heads about that like it's okay to just go to a dinner or go to a girl like spa day and again like I know you don't want to break the bank so like you can do go have a fucking picnic in the park bring rosé with the girls from your where you live and then do you could do a trip if you want for your actual bachelorette but like whatever makes you fucking comfortable stop trying to appease anyone else this is about you okay um you aren't invited to a friend's bachelorette but was planning on inviting her to yours six months apart what do you do that's such a good question okay my first bit of advice is kind of goes back to our last question like maybe you're not invited because she's doing all of her childhood friends or she's doing all these friends like again keep in mind a lot of the times it's not personal unless you're the fucking cunt that's being mean and like obviously you're not getting invited but a lot of times it's not personal and just have some grace for the bride like this shit is so fucking stressful and so I would say if you didn't get invited to hers I first would just ask you do you have any idea why and if it's because it's like logistics or it's the friend group that you don't know, that is like, okay, then still invite her to yours if you want her to be there.
39:11But if it's because you realize like, oh, she doesn't see us as that we're that close. I think it really comes down to you sitting with yourself to be like, why did I want to invite her to mine? And if it's because you want to get closer with this person, like don't be petty. Like again, you could ask her also like, hey, I was thinking of inviting you to my bachelorette I obviously know I'm not coming to yours and there's no hard feelings whatsoever I just kind of wanted to have a conversation with you of like where you're at and if we could just kind of have just like let's just catch up and talk about all this because I know it's stressful on both of us you could just open the door but again I don't have enough details of like does she maybe not like you if you get the vibe that she doesn't like you then maybe don't invite her back to your bachelorette if she didn't invite you to your hers you know how many friends do you need for a fun bachelorette?
40:00What if it's just myself and my maid of honor? Bitch, thrive, literally thrive. Like you need one person. You need one friend. Even, you know what? Fuck it. I could take myself on a bachelorette and have a great fucking time. You do not need to have 10 plus girls at a bachelorette. You don't need to have nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. You need one fucking friend to have a good bachelorette. And again, like I said at the beginning of this episode a bachelorette is whatever the fuck you want it to be like I love doing shit that's just like why we don't have to listen to the fucking rules make your own fucking rules up and I think if you if you actually just think to yourself if none of this goes on social media would I actually be totally fine just bringing my one friend what are you so worried about with one friend that you're gonna look like a loser that you only have one friend bitch some people that have the 10 fucking person bachelorette there's not one fucking person in there that they're actually deep down fucking close with and can go to and if you have one fucking person that is ride or die that you can fucking call in the middle of the night after you fucking killed someone bitch you're good to go so I would just say quality always over quantity and don't don't judge yourself that sounds like a great fucking weekend zero drama go have fun with your maid of honor hi father I'm planning my bachelorette and it's going to be in Miami Florida I have some friends that are wild like I am and some friends who don't like to party.
41:25How do I navigate planning events for a trip like Miami to include everyone and still have fun? I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable, but I still want to enjoy my bachelorette party and the way I envision it. Oh, my God. Can we please fucking talk about this? OK, I'm going to get to your question, but let me just say this. I have not been to these, but I have heard of bachelorettes where there is a rule that you are not allowed to go to sleep before 12. like I'm sorry I'm sorry counselor um sorry say that again there are fucking rules that you cannot go to sleep before a certain amount of time like this is a this is this is insane this is where I draw the line like bitch you are you Lauren McMullen would fail every time Lauren shout out love you Lauren will fall asleep at the club and we're like let's take her home and tuck her into bed like I'm sorry but that just seems so fucking insane that feels like you're trying so hard to curate something that like if people want to go to bed before 12 let them go to bed okay what are you like a tyrant like let's chill let's let everyone do what they want to do bring them all to the club and if they can't hang it's okay if they leave like I'm sorry but I think it's I think when people make those rules what I fear is that they're so insecure that they need to put they need to put stipulations in almost and like guidelines to create this environment that just is not naturally going to happen this is the thing if you have to make that rule it's because you know that people are going to go to sleep before 12 so let them like why are you trying to be like stick fucking tape on your eyelid you cunt and stay awake what so they're miserable so they're staring at you like take another shot I fucking dare you you fucking whore I hate you like no don't force people to do fucking anything okay so I would say to this question is there are going to be friends that want to party and they're going to be friends that don't want to party and I think you can fucking say that do a cheers at the beginning of the weekend I'm obsessed with all of you all of you are here for different reasons I love you all thank you so much for being so amazing and my best friends and I can't wait to have a great weekend.
43:38The reality is all of us are going to have different sleep schedules, drinking habits, you name it. We're all going to be a little all over the place. And so I want everyone to feel comfortable. Do what you feel comfortable. Let's just have a good fucking time. Everyone bring the good vibes and the energy. And it doesn't mean that you can only be fun if you drink. So let's fucking go. And when I say let's rage. Let's rage and like, let's have fun. Let's laugh. Let's talk. Let's cry. Let's hug. And let's have a good fucking energy time. Not like it's not all based on drinking. Right. So I would just say that, but I would just say, really try not to overthink it.
44:16Let people are going to leave the club if they want to leave the club, babe. Like you don't need to be like, you're allowed to leave. I would say one statement at the beginning of the weekend. And also like when someone's leaving the club, don't make them feel so awkward that they're having to like sneak out, like hug them and be like, I love you. We may be out till four or not. Love you. Good night. Like it's better to just let people do what they want to do. Because again, like my mother said back in the day when I was young and growing up and trying to understand dynamics, why would you want to be friends with someone that doesn't want to be friends with you?
44:49That was always the statement. Now it's applicable if you change a little bit, right? Why would you want someone to stay out late night if they don't want to stay out late night? Why would you want someone to do something that they don't want to do? Right? They're not going to have a good time. So let them have the time that they want to have and support you and show up for you in the way that they want to show up for you. And if they don't show up for you and they are a negative Nancy, then that's also telling to you about your relationship with that person. But instead of trying to micromanage it, let your friends show their true colors.
45:21Okay. And again, these moments are very heightened. So I would also say be fucking gracious with people because sometimes people are just their worst selves when they're in a house with a bunch of girls. They don't have their routine. They don't have their normal shit around them. Like it's going to be drama, right? So the more that you can just be chill about shit, I think it's going to go better. Okay. Gifts for the girls. Everything I want to get them to show my appreciation for them attending ends up adding up to like 2k the trip is already such an extra cost in addition to paying for the wedding help a girl out big al girl I got you again I think financially it's already such a burden on everyone that is going including you who has a fucking wedding coming up which is like the biggest fucking expense what I would say is handwrite cards like you don't need to get them these like sweatsuits that you make them or these like bracelets that you buy them write them each an individual handwritten card and talk about your relationship to them and how much you love them and appreciate them coming and how much it means to you like that to me as a friend would mean so much more than like a little gift bag and if your friends think that that's lame then I also think you need to reevaluate your friendships because to me a handwritten note that I can keep for the rest of my life I keep all of it in a shoebox all of the handwritten notes that anyone in my life from my parents my siblings my partners anything it's all in a box and I've kept and I've cherished forever and I think that to me is more meaningful you don't need to get them a pair of fucking socks like okay they're gonna lose them one day so I think again it's not about money it's about the thought and so don't feel pressured financially to go above and beyond on something that it's like hey there's also a more meaningful way to do things and yeah and of course if you can afford it that's so cute but like I didn't get my girlfriends anything like we just raged all weekend and we had a great fucking place to stay and we skied and we drank and it was perfect what are your opinions on joint bachelor slash bachelorette parties like where all the men and women go out or on vacation together it seems like it's more common now and I would love to know if people think it's a good or bad thing I think it's cute I mean I think that we Matt and I talked about that for two seconds but we were like, but that's kind of like what our wedding is going to be like.
47:40Since our wedding is going to be pretty small, we just have like all of our best friends coming and then our families. But we were like, let's just do our own thing. But in another world, like I think that's totally cute. I think what I would say is assessing and being self-aware of like who is on each side. do you have a lot of friends that have partners that aren't going to be in the other party and those people have some like there's just worlds where it would be like oh this is kind of awkward because none of my girlfriends are friends with any of his guy friends and they're all going to meet this weekend but all of them are like you just have to look at the situations and the logistics but for the most part I kind of think it's a it's a totally fun idea and and do whatever you want.
48:27Again, I loved that I got to do some like a good small girls weekend, but I would think that would be super fun. I think Matt and I just have a lot of moments that we do bring out all of our friends and we all go on trips. So I think it's like we wanted to just space it out and change it up. And since we're having the wedding and it's small, like I said, I think. But yeah, I think that's great. Again, guys, do whatever the fuck you want. Like if you think it will be more fun to be with your with your guy and like everyone show up and everyone be there and have it be a full party because, you know, like, oh, our wedding is going to be so many fucking aunts and uncles and cousins and third cousins.
49:04Yeah. Go party with all of your friends. I think I think you again, you cannot go wrong if it makes you happy and it's something that you want to do. Do it. Closing remarks for my brides. I would say the world does not revolve around you. And I understand that this is a really important time in your life. But as we all grow up and we are dealing with our own shit, you have to think about yourself in the roles reversed. When your friend is getting married, I'm sure you're a great friend and you really care about them. But at some capacity, that is not your wedding and that's not your life. And so you have to be mindful that all of your friends are doing their best.
49:39But asking them financially and the amount of time that a bachelorette is and the efforts that they're going to to make it all happen and move their schedule around. Just be mindful of what you're asking and don't set your expectations too high. Also on that front, I will say there is a reality of I've seen so many DMs where like some of these fucking people are just asshole friends that are making you feel small and insignificant and aren't making you feel good and what you're asking for is totally reasonable. This is the weekend. Do you mind getting your own flight? And again, to then those people, if you cannot afford that flight because it's not in your budget, call your friend and say that.
50:21And then when a bride, if you get the call that your friend cannot afford it, you cannot be mad. Like if you actually know they can't afford it, if you know that they're like literally going and getting bottle service by themselves in Miami and they're like, sorry, I can't make it to that. Like, you know what I'm saying? It's all relative. But just try to really have empathy that like I understand that this day for us is so important. the wedding and the bachelorette, but it's not for everyone else. That's just the reality. They're going to have their own day. And also, again, like I said, they have probably 10 other fucking weddings and bachelorettes that they have to go to.
50:54And as much as you want to feel special, you will feel special. But the expectations need to just be adjusted a little bit. Now, when it comes to the friends, I would just say there's ways to make your bride friend feel really special that does not have to break the bank. And again, I think social media can just like completely warp the concept of what a cool bachelorette can be. There is no fucking need to spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on decorations and all these things. Like it's okay if what your budget allows is not something you fucking see on Pinterest. Okay. I would rather have good conversations with my friends and good times and laughs and cries than have like a cool fucking blow up bull in the corner.
51:38Okay. Like we don't need to hump the bull. We can just sit here and have drinks and hump each other, you know? So everything is relative. But I think when girls all come together, it can be a disaster if not planned right. And so I think communicating with everyone is my biggest, biggest, biggest bit of advice. Include everyone in the process as much as it can create a disaster beforehand a little bit, if you think it will alleviate some of like the issues and confusion and the frustration when you get there. Everyone is going to do what they want to do. So brides, manage your expectations, bitch.
52:13But overall, I would say I know that a lot of people have, I could have filled my bachelorette with 10 people, but would I have had as much fun? No. And that doesn't mean I don't love my other friends that didn't come. But again, I'm going to make time to do things at a different time. I just knew I wanted something really intimate. And those three girlfriends of mine, we never really get to be all together. and it was so fucking meaningful. So daddy gang, I am so excited for my wedding. I have, I don't even have my dress and we're a month out, but I'll tell that story another time. I don't have my dress.
52:51I am going to go try it on in a week, I think. So hopefully I like it. But other than that, I'm so excited to give you guys wedding updates and, and I'm going to film stuff at my wedding. And I'm honestly just going to try to decide like, if I want to share and when I want to share. But overall, I just, it's been a really, really fun experience. I hope you guys can enjoy if you're going on a bachelorette, stop making people keep their eyes open and telling them you can't go to sleep until after 12. Calm down. Like absolutely calm down. No, I want to go to sleep. Sorry. Like just be chill, live and let live and happy bachelorette year daddy gang I send me in your stories I am I hope you guys have the best time and I love you guys and I hope you enjoyed this episode even though it is stressful have fun with it because you do it once hopefully you do it once okay illy bye
54:05Thank you.
From the publisher
Join Big Al for a special Sunday Session where she debriefs her bachelorette party! Alex tells some fun stories from her ski trip with her childhood best friends and talks about some of the most difficult aspects of planning a bachelorette. She gives some great fatherly advice to help you make your own hard decisions about who to invite, how to tell a friend a trip just isn’t in the budget right now, and whether or not your bachelorette expectations might be getting out of hand. Alex also spills the tea on Matt’s surprise bachelor party in Mexico and the lengths she had to go to keep it all a secret. Finally, Alex ends the episode with questions of the week and advice for all the future brides out there or friends who are getting caught up in wedding drama. Whether you just want the tea on Alex’s life or you’re looking for bachelorette advice and inspo… this is the episode for you. Enjoy!
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