Brittany Snow: My Husband Cheated On Me (FBF)

0:02what is up daddy gang it is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy Brittany Snow, welcome to Call Her Daddy. I'm so excited to be here. I am so happy we are doing this. I DMed Brittany like how long ago? A year ago, I think. It was a year ago? Well. I mean, you really? I made me work for it. I remember. Well, I wasn't ready to be very public about anything, really. I get it. And so I remember opening up the DM and being like, oh my God, Alex. And then being like, no. So I'm just not going to do that. So it took a while for me to come around. Well, I'm so happy you came around because I have been – wow, I've been thinking about you for a year in the least creepy way.

0:52It can be creepy. And now you're here in my merch and I fucking love it. You look amazing. I didn't even realize how blue your eyes are until I'm staring at you with this blue one and it is like fucking insane. I'm going to wear it all the time. You look great. You can keep it. You've been in the industry for over three decades. what is the most like un-Hollywood thing about you? That I've been in this business for three decades and I have absolutely no chill, no cool, no tact, no I do everything wrong. I am incredibly, incredibly awkward in front of most people. And I have this thing that I speak without thinking.

1:27And so just like in this podcast, I'm going to say something that I will regret. That's good for me though. That's good for me, not for you. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. No, no, it's going to be great. It's great for everyone because I think people instantly feel like, oh, this girl is an idiot. So I feel so much better about myself. Most people like that I meet that are fancy and stuff like that, I think they feel better that someone is bumbling and is somehow invited to the party. I think it makes you more likable because I feel like everyone in Hollywood has like a couple sticks up their butthole.

1:58And you're just kind of like, oh, no, I'm just going to be like myself. And like, even if you think I'm wild and insane, like, it's OK. Like, I'm right here. wild I'll take um yeah Brittany Snow she's like crazy party girl um no but yeah I think after a while there was no um going around it there was no way that I could be anything else so I might as well just lean into it a little bit because it was so much more painful for me to try to be stoic and classy and try to be you know I guess with the stick yeah I don't even know where you get the stick but I couldn't find one and so it just it never went up there I am gonna say I think I didn't know you were like this fun and bubbly like I know not to say I didn't think you were gonna I am like oh you're gonna be a weirdo I just I genuinely thought like you are like a very like prestigious actress you're you know you are like you've been in fucking everything the pacifier with Vin Diesel that's the one that really sealed the deal okay but like I didn't know what to expect and you i'm sitting across from you and i said it before we started filming like i feel like you're my friend from like childhood that you're just like a very you have a great energy oh thanks i need this pump up before i start every interview you're amazing queen slay bitch let's go

3:31How would your friends describe you? I think the first word they would probably say is sensitive, empathetic, and probably passionate. There's no way that anybody can guess what I'm thinking. You know. It's always on my – my heart is on my sleeve, shoulder, whatever. It's out there. And I think that people either love that or hate that about me because I'll always say what's on my mind a little bit because I'm just too sensitive not to. I love that. I appreciate that. What role do you think you play in your friend group? I'm a little bit of the camp counselor in a way where I'm like, everyone together, we're going out to dinner.

4:16And we're going to like it. And we're all going to wear these cute outfits. And everyone's like, you know, stop. We have jobs. and husbands and you don't. And I think also I am definitely the one that probably I need the most connection, I guess. I'm constantly in connection with my best friends. I want to hang out all the time. But lately, I think in the past year, I've gotten really good at being alone, which has not been my MO at all. Instead of being anxious about being alone, I'm actually very very secure in it which is nice that's growth and that is the best feeling when you can get to that point so i'm really happy for you but i love being around my friends and doing activities you're like answer my text bitch like where the fuck have you guys been let's go to dinner tonight okay let's talk about a couple of the movies that you've started that are so iconic and then we're gonna get to a new film um but first pitch perfect obviously i have to ask about it it is like forever just the best best best movie series can you talk to me obviously you had some of the funniest people on set with you is there any like incredible hilarious memory that you have from that movie that just comes to your mind when you can like tell us a little story i mean all those girls are some of my best friends in some way we also became such a family because when you're doing a movie with so much rehearsal time and then you also have to shoot after that you're there wherever our location was for about four to five months and um we became really really close and all of us are very uh somewhat similar to our characters in in different ways i won't give away how because that's blowing some of them up but um but i think that we all feel very connected to our roles in that group and how it's showcased in the movies so i guess to answer your question about funny moments um i mean anything that rebel does is funny when i interviewed her and she was doing an impression of adam um divine i was like i think i actually for the first time just physically peed my pants in the middle of an interview her doing the impression of him and then i interviewed adam and he tried to imitate rebel and that was a fucking disaster sorry adam but like and the two of their dynamic it is like you could just watch it forever it's hilarious and i think that that was the cool thing about all of our dynamics on the movie is that we did constantly we got along so well but we constantly made fun of each other which was sort of a camaraderie that we needed because going into those movies we had no idea that they were going to become what they became so we had a lot of fun poking fun at the fact that like are we really making this type of movie right and are people gonna like it i bet it didn't even sometimes feel like work because you're like we're just like half the time I'm sure there's some people improvising it is just like fun so John Tucker must die I this movie I feel like we just have to I don't know who hasn't seen it but to anyone that hasn't seen it first of all I think this changed my life it really formed me as a woman I remember being young and being like never trust a man which I'm like I learned so much from that movie if you can describe to people who haven't somehow watched it because they live under rock can you describe like the premise of it sure so john tucker must die um which is hilarious because he doesn't die we don't kill him so anyone who wants to know if it's a horror or something or a thriller in any way um it's just about this guy who is the high school man and he's dating a bunch of girls at the same time as you do in high school not anymore and um and all of us are in different cliques well i'm not why did i just put myself in there i'm not in the cliques i'm not dating him all of them are in different cliques and they all somehow get together by circumstance and find out that they're all dating him at the same time so then i devise a plan for them all to get back at him and teach him a lesson it is like no because honestly it's like something i would have done in high school like this is literally me i think that's probably why i connected with it i'm like i would be like the mastermind that's like listen to me this is how we're taking this man down this is how we're gonna kill him okay figuratively not literally um what is the pettiest thing you or a friend has done to get back at a guy that you've broken up with well to be to be completely fair and this is this sounds so lame okay because i had just done john tucker must die um and while i was shooting that movie my boyfriend at the time who was the first love of mine um and i and i still have such fond memories for him but at the time we were on like a break ross rachel vibe and um he was dating this other girl and i found out about it and so me and her right after john tecker must die because i don't have any good ideas of my own show up at his house together no yeah and he opens the door and i remember saying to him i think you owe us an explanation or something like that you really took your character too far yeah you were like let me like really like method act right now and like let me just like get into character here we go oh my god what did he what was his reaction i remember him being shocked but but it didn't really help or work or anything and then i remember saying bye to her and being like that was weird right like why did we do that like what was the plan like what did you want him to say what after was going to happen i don't know what was the goal honestly when you are like young and in love you do some crazy fucking shit oh yeah there were there were things that i definitely did even up to the probably the point where I was I think 27 is when I I got my shit together a little bit but until then I look back and I am traumatized yeah that's actually a really good age I would say I feel like at 27 I really started to like refine my craft you know like just tweak it a little bit so that if someone told the story of me it wasn't giving she's crazy it was giving you know she's passionate passionate but it's not level of crazy that i used to be unhinged comes before 27 yes not after not after anyone that's 28 right now losing their shit stocking their ass just keep going like maybe put your benchmark at 30 you're gonna be fine now on to your new movie this is the first movie that you have written and directed called parachute yeah first of all just congratulations Thank you.

10:52That is so incredible as someone that's been in the industry to take this leap. And also just I love it like as a woman, like showing people like you can fucking do everything. You can be in front of the camera. You can be behind the camera. So congratulations. Thanks. You've said that we all have our own parachutes or things we use to avoid addressing our feelings or confronting difficult situations. in your own life what hardships have you tried to run from um okay let's here we go do it baby here we go um uh well I think you know my my naming of the movie of it being parachute is that I really do think we're all trying to lessen the fall as cheesy as that sounds um less in the fall of just being with ourselves and feeling our feelings I think now more than ever it's we go on Instagram or we go on TikTok or whatever and we scroll to numb the pain of just being with our own feelings.

11:52Or we're trying to hit a dopamine sort of like hit in a way to make us sort of ride the wave to the next moment. And I think that comes in all sorts of facets. But I think that they're very intertwined and can be subbed out for each other with social media, sex, alcohol, all these different ways that we're trying to lesson being with ourselves. And I think for me, I came from being a child actor that was very based in growing up with validation coming from achievement and coming from you did really well on this, you get a reward, not only from my parents, but from just people on set or things in general.

12:35And so I started to become really addicted and connected to the feeling of needing to get that hit. And when I wasn't, I didn't feel like myself. And so I think probably I would have been addicted to something. It just so happened that I went on a diet before someone gave me drugs. I've never had a problem with drugs, but I think if someone would have given me drugs, it just one is the one is the before the other. And so I think what I was always trying to run from was the just normalcy of just being yeah and not having to achieve anything you're so right how many things we do to distract ourselves from being able to sit in silence and be okay with like what's going on why are you sad what happened in your childhood why are you like that and everyone's like no quick social media oh my god let me watch this youtube video oh my god let me watch this person and like it's just it's never ending the main character in the movie deals with body dysmorphia and eating disorder.

13:37And I like you just kind of opened up about like, I know you've struggled with that in the past. That's why you wrote this movie. When you were younger, how would you describe your relationship to food? It was very based on connection to achievement, which is a weird thing to say, I guess, but I got a milkshake if I did well on an audition and I wouldn't get a milkshake if I didn't do well. And I think a lot of parents do this unknowingly in terms of you do well in your soccer game, we go out for, you know, cheeseburgers or if you lost, like we need to go practice more. And so I think my reward center got all mixed up.

14:16Then couple that with the terrible amount of, you know, societal norms of how you look at yourself being a woman. I think that was sort of like a culmination that that was hard. And I think I had to redefine how food was not evil and it was also not something to be earned. Yeah. Cause like, I'm curious, did you have anyone in the industry ever make comments about your body or was this like very personal internal thing you were struggling with? There was a movie that I, um, I had just gotten help. Um, I'm very young at this point, but I had just gotten help and, And I gained a bunch of weight during that time.

15:02And it was half because I was healthy and half because I didn't know how to balance. And I think a huge part of my recovery has been balance. But I got on set the first day on set, they said, you're too big. We need you to lose weight. And so I went on. They put me on a diet. They got me a nutritionist. They got me a trainer. and the other people in the movie got to go to set normal hours, but I had to work with a trainer at like 5 o 'clock in the morning. And it sort of set up this belief system, I think, that it doesn't really matter if you're healthy. This is a long time ago. It doesn't really matter if you're healthy.

15:39It matters what they're going to see. But do you remember like sitting in that room when you had just gone through recovery? You're like feeling better about yourself and then you sit down and they say that to you? Like, what did you feel when they immediately said that to you? Do you remember? Yes. This is how fucked up it was. I thought, they're right. Yeah. Which now makes me want to cry because I think there's no way that that was correct. But I think I'm so hard on myself and I wanted to be great and sexy and beautiful that I thought, okay, this is a goal for me to get right. It's also just so sad as women.

16:21Like you can do so much work, but it's like we're fighting against a system that is conditioned us since the beginning days to like believe like there is this one body standard that is you will get treated differently. You will get different jobs if you look this way. Like if you're thin, you get X, Y, Z. And so like as much work as you can do on yourself and like you said, feel healthy. The minute someone looks at you and makes a comment, especially to a woman about her body, it is so fucking hard for us to not immediately internalize it and be like, I got to get skinnier. Like it's you can do so much fucking work, but it's it's also just so fucked up how people feel so comfortable to even say that.

17:02But at the end of the day, it's like, oh, yeah, they think they know they're going to make more money if you look a certain way. And so it's just like it's a societal thing. It's it's in it's in the workplace. it's in every sort of it's on social media to to be honest the most is that this is the norm and that we need to adhere to the norm but what it the norm is ever-changing and so different person to person so I don't know when you look back I'm curious like do you remember a specific moment where you realized that your relationship to food was different than your friends around you definitely because I remember thinking um I remember thinking that I was obsessing about something that other people could kind of take or leave and as a as a teenager it became such a an obsession which now I really understand the obsession of that was a way to leave my body so I wasn't even connecting to this thing I thought I was solving I was actually disassociating I was becoming obsessed with something that was sort of this goal over here.

18:09And I think a lot of addicts in general become connected to the obsessing more than they become – I mean, that's a generality that I don't know. You know, I'm not a doctor. But I do think that that's a part of it. And so when I was a teenager, I would collect magazines and, you know, fitness magazines and all these different things to try to get there. and my friends would look at them and think, Leonardo DiCaprio is not in this magazine. Like, why are we reading this? Like, Brittany, where is Brad Pitt? We want the fold out of Leo to go up on the wall. And you're like, no, look at this woman.

18:47Yeah, yeah. Got it. And I think that was the first time I was like, oh, why am I so into this? What is this going to solve for me? But I think it was useful in a way and I talk about this with my charities September letters, there was an article in a magazine, in a fitness magazine, intermixed with all of the do this in Pilates and eat this. There was a story about a girl with an eating disorder and she was sort of explaining her OCD with the obsession of it. And I ripped out that magazine article and I thought, this girl has what I have. She's doing the same thing. So I put it in my back pocket and I wanted to keep it as a way of a hope that there was something and someone out there that had the same thing that I did.

19:34And then later, it kind of came full circle because I did a magazine article for people and I shared my story and I talked about how I found that magazine article. And there was a girl at a coffee shop who was behind me and she started crying. And I turned around and she pulled out my magazine article from her back pocket. And she was like, I carry this around as something, as an example of hope that I can get better. And I was like, okay, well. I did it. Maybe not did it, but, you know, it mattered. Of course. No, like you did something that ended up how you felt about the magazine that you first saw.

20:14You ended up doing the same exact thing to affect another woman, which I think is so beautiful. And it's so sad because I do believe there is good in social media in us doing this. Like, yeah, I can't imagine so many people are going to listen to this. And so many women are like, oh, my God, I needed this episode. I've been doing this. I like I think there's so much positivity that can come. But unfortunately, I do think there's more negativity because of how oversaturated and over comfortable. I feel like people have gotten on the Internet to just like sling shit out. that's just like we're not thinking before we post and I think it's really harmful what was your like rock bottom moment where you realize like I need to get help I well it's in parachute it's what it's what parachute is about the movie and although it became many people's stories in this way the there was a moment that I I mean people are going to see the movie so I guess I should get comfortable talking about it but I thought that it would be better this is a lot for caller daddy this is trigger warning all the way you know to hell but what I tried to encapsulate with the images in it as well is that I don't even think sometimes it's it's about the the act of wanting to to hurt yourself as much as you just want your brain to stop and I just wanted my brain to stop and so I think that at that moment there was a there was a thing that happened in my brain that said yeah but it'll be okay if you're skinny and that was the moment I said no more no more is that going to be the thing that solves anything anymore but this is this is not just me I I would be hard-pressed to find many people who have been through something like this that that haven't had a moment like that or felt like that was an answer and it's not and there are so many people that have gotten through it um and I sound like I'm being really dramatic and I'm hoping that I'm not but I think that hopefully I can be an example that it does get better I hope I can like ease your mind for a minute right now like first of all this is not too dramatic or heavy for call her daddy this is like the exact place we should have this conversation because of how many women listen to this podcast and how many women look up to you and you have a voice and you do have a platform and you're so talented and to put your experiences into a movie that so many people are going to be able to watch and connect to like full stop this is not dramatic this is real life and you experience this yeah and also I think it's so incredible to talk about this so someone watching this is going to be where you were how many years ago and be like wait maybe tonight I don't have to harm myself maybe I should go to someone and ask for help that's what this is about right I think so and I think that's what I guess people keep asking me why did I do the movie why did I make the movie and I think because I didn't have a movie like that when I was going through it And I didn't even think what I was doing was necessarily – I thought I was very alone in it.

23:27So if that helps, if this helps, people really look up to you. And so I just hope that, yeah, there is some – not that I'm some martyr either. Like I don't have all the answers and I don't have a guidebook. But I definitely know that it's possible. What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about eating disorders and body dysmorphia and body image issues? That it's self-indulgent or vain or about food. It's not about food. It's not about how you look. I mean, topically maybe, but I think underneath it's really about an obsession of trying to disassociate and not be with yourself, with actually like in your body.

24:15it's better to just kind of obsess about something else and the achievement and the dopamine hit you get by losing weight or or something like that that's so much more of the of the intricacy than it is about just not eating that's what is frustrating it's like when people you're so right think it's vain whatever it is it's all a control mechanism like you're saying because you have a lack of control in your life and inside of you where you're trying to dissociate. So it's the one thing that you're like, I can handle this here. And you don't have to think about what's going on upstairs. Like you said, this movie is about talking about these distractions.

24:53Sure. To some people, it's food. To other people, like you said, it's sex, it's alcohol, it's drugs. It's hurting ourselves in some capacity to not feel what we're actually going through. Or even like lesser known ones like gossiping or just being about drama or just being the person that's in everyone's business. I mean, you're sort of doing these emotionally unavailable things because you can't just sit with yourself. So it's better to go over here, go over here. And I think that a lot of people get that misconstrued because they think, oh, eating disorders are one thing. Alcoholism is one thing.

25:27And they're really quite similar. They're just using a different mechanism. When I mentioned like obviously recovery is not just this like clear path? Like, where are you at in your journey? I mean, a better than I ever have been, which I think is such a marking of how I was able to do this movie and write about myself and have this conversation. I think I have a lot of perspective and I'm a lot able more able to sit with myself. And I have this really cool new voice in my head that I'm like, Hey girl, where you been? that started, you know, I think probably 10 years ago that I pretty much always see the different perspective in things, which is huge.

26:13Something terrible will happen and another voice in my head will come in and be like, well, let's think about this from another perspective. You know, maybe it wasn't that, it was this. I don't really have black and white thinking anymore. I have very gray thinking, which is such a huge marking of good recovery, I think. and not in like a Pollyanna way either. I just kind of see the good in things a lot. It's amazing. How did your relationship with your body impact how you approached sex in your life? That is a great question and so layered because I think in my earlier years, it was difficult to be in my body.

27:01And I bless my ex-boyfriends when I was in my early 20s before recovery. Truly bless them because it was really hard for me to understand sex in the way that was healthy because I had to actually be in my body and I was letting people see me. And that was really hard for me. And then more and more, and especially now, I have so much recovery and autonomy and like confidence in my body now that I've never had before. I mean, I was naked an ex. So if that says anything. Right. But that's like a huge step, I feel like, probably for you, right? That's why I took it, to be honest. I was scared shitless, but I think it was such a goal for me.

27:46And I hate to use the word goal since I've dragged that through the mud this whole podcast. But what I wanted to do was be able to have that sort of confidence of playing a character that was brazen in her body and bold and it not get into my head. Yeah. And that – and yeah, it was really about balance. Yes, you did it. I did it. What kind of guys growing up and during this time of your life, like, were you going after? Who were you pursuing, Brittany? What were you up to over there? Have you seen a side-by-side of all my exes? Because I have. I have too. Why don't you explain it to people that happened?

28:28Well, you can go on Google and I definitely had a type. God bless me, Brittany, from when you were young. I think, you know, I've had a lot of therapy. Okay. And I think that I was going after people that sort of made sense in my mind. And that were lovely and very kind to me. And I've never dated anybody who was like an asshole, which I know seems weird when you look at my dating history. But they weren't. They were all lovely. But I think I went for a type of guy that made my – the things that I thought I was lacking make sense, if that makes sense. So you're trying to like almost fill the gaps of where you were like, I'm not feeling great about this, but they bring this to my life.

29:21So they feel that for me. Exactly. But when we get into therapy, as we know, Brittany, it's like, no, you've got to be whole on your own because then you'll pick a complete different partner. Completely different. Because no one will have to fill any gaps. They can be an individual. You can be an individual. Yeah. And then you just come together. Exactly. Okay. Fascinating. I know a huge theme also in this movie is codependent relationships. Have you ever been in one? Well, it's about – the movie is about what really happened. I got into a codependent relationship with a guy who is still a friend of mine.

29:56And I think it was – I think all relationships, especially before therapy, are sort of these microcosms of what you dealt with in childhood because it feels like home. And so it feels like, oh, that thing that I was missing from my mom or dad, I'm going to somehow recreate in a relationship. And I know I'm not talking about anything that people don't know. But I do think it's really interesting with codependency because I never had someone really unconditionally take care of me in that way. And so I got addicted to someone saving me a little bit. And I thought that that was love. can you talk about that like your childhood what do you mean you weren't taken care of I think I love my parents and my and I won't even talk ill about them at all um but I think that it and a lot of parents were like this in this generation too it was very conditional it was very um I got you know an anxious attachment style for a good reason because I got a reward system, like I was saying.

31:08So I think that when I had someone who was just like, anything you do is great. And I'm going to be there for you no matter what. If you fail, if you win, I mean, it was just like gold. Right. You're like, whoa. Yeah. I don't like have to do this. And then if I don't do this, I like get punished or I don't get attention or I don't. Wow. That is interesting. But then I started to, it started becoming very evident that that it became codependent in a way of being addicted to that savior saved cycle and I think that was the relationship that got me into recovery yeah because I while you're saying that I'm thinking about it like it's so hard to spot but then when you're in a codependent relationship like all of a sudden you do eventually I feel like most people get to that point where like you feel like you've been saved the person's there and there's still this void and you're still like wait what like why am I not fulfilled why am I not happy it's like because a partner can actually not solve right what you're lacking and what you're missing you have to solve that and so it's a band-aid it feels good for a minute like you said they would come in you're like oh this is fucking good but really it's just they're like covering the tracks of what your parents didn't give you and then once they do that then you're feeling cozy and then you're like wait but I still am feeling kind of like shit on these days and then you realize like it actually has nothing to do with the person across from you of course a partner can influence how you feel about yourself but when you're looking for someone to fill the gaps once the gaps are all filled then it's like why do I still feel empty in moments yeah I and no person can they're all just going to bring out these things in you that that you need to go and look at for yourself well i do have to ask you okay first of all here we go let's do it here we go let's go well first of all are you single

33:26First of all, are you single? Yes. What? I am. I am. Wait, that was kind of like... I am. You are? Yeah. But are you like talking to people? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you were like single, single, you'd be like, absolutely. I saw a little like, yeah. So you're dating. Yeah. I've been, let's use air quotes here. Yes. Single, weirdly. I'm not saying weirdly. like it's so weird for me to be single. I'm saying weirdly because it's very easy for me to get in a relationship. Got it. And I've been actively trying to be alone and be with myself and just feel the feelings and not have to bandaid it with sparkly, shiny, you know, emotional thing.

34:13Totally. And so, yeah, I've not, I've been in and out of things a little bit, but nothing concretely. And so until, you know, we'll see. Okay. So last year, you went through a very public divorce with your ex. Your ex-husband went on a reality show and there was a situation with another woman that just played out and you had no idea what was happening until it aired for the world. What did you feel when you saw this play out for the world to see? I will preface this with they've taken up and I'm collectively calling them all they because I don't know any of them except my ex-husband. They took up a lot of energy and emotion and time and real estate in my head.

35:02And I don't want to give them any more time and energy because then they would win. and they would get what they wanted, which was getting my time and energy and attention. I was not aware of a lot of things. And I'll say that. So I will say what people think happens, happens.

35:34and I think that there's also in my experience with this and how I processed it there's a lot of grace that I give myself and also I can own

35:55there's a part of this that I'm not I don't have a part in they messed up um but but I I am trying I tried I tried very hard to see it all from every side and and release that anger because it doesn't serve me at some point when you're moving on from something it's like you don't want to give things air I think as a woman watching it I got triggered because like I have had a not exact same similar situation but like I've seen things online of someone I was dating in the past and I was like sorry what and it warps your perception of like how can you trust people like it's such a um or how can you trust yourself yeah which I think was I think the saddest part about the whole thing was I was I didn't I didn't see any of I was what like um and to trust yourself after that and be like I have a I have a good sense of character um there was some I had instincts and I think because I was in love I didn't trust them yeah that's what I feel like which is the worst is when you get a little space from it we kind of always know but like there's so many reasons we don't want to know because it looks all good and most of it feels good but there's like a tiny thing in your head that's like you're like no get out of here like everything is fucking good like we are thriving over here but it's not and I guess like I just now like thinking you're fabulous and getting to know you I can't help but just ask like how do you how I feel like you're kind of a private person specifically with my relationships a hundred percent yeah so how do you how did you just like handle like fuck him and that all them for a minute like how do you handle internally people fucking coming at you and wanting to know something so personal that like this person betrayed you like they took it so public and you didn't have a say in it like how did you recover from that like and how are you recovering from it I think that was the hardest part was the not being able to not be not because anyone silenced me just that I was not going to play that game um I don't have the anger that I think that I I think people wanted me to have in terms of like I wasn't it was so like what I just didn't even want to go there you know i get what you mean you're like i know people want you to put out this big statement like i saw it and you're like the fuck yeah i i of course i saw it yeah you know yeah watched it with my dog so by yourself

39:01whatever i it's like i now i can laugh about it because i think it's so i think it's insane It's insane and it's so funny. Like, it's so crazy. Is there anything, like, closing out that chapter of your life that you feel like was, like, very misconstrued on the internet? Like, that you could clarify right now? um i think i would say that it yes what happened happened and i think what people you know what it's alluded to in the press is some is true but what i do think you know which the press can't do thankfully is the intricacies of there was love there there was there was a much love and um and I think that that gray is hard to understand because it's much more salacious and interesting that it's just like he did this and she did this and um and I think that's what I would want to uh I guess put out there is that I think a lot of people go into relationships where someone hurts them but but i don't regret it i don't regret anything that happened because i loved that time that we had when we had it did you know her um which one

40:36well any of them no you had no clue and then it's totally just bomb um I did not I did not know like what was going on I think as someone who's so um hands-on with my career I think I was just completely shocked that I didn't have a handle on reality in that way like um that was that was shocking who did you call first i went over to a friend's house um it was it was it was the worst day it's more the situation that's like so relatable for women when it happens and it's like you feel like you've been hit by a truck because your reality has been completely distorted because you're like everything i believed is changed and you have to basically pick the pieces up by yourself and it's a really really fucked up situation if anyone is listening has felt it you know what i mean of like you want to say fuck you to the person but you're also like wait five seconds ago you were my person how does it change on a dime it does and so like the picking up of the pieces by yourself when 48 hours ago you had this person and a life together it's really disorienting but i feel like if you have any like closing advice for women right now generally of just like when you experience someone betraying your trust and disrespecting you in a relationship like what have you found has given you strength to move forward and trust yourself after something like that has happened to you it doesn't happen right away because i think the the shock and the nervous system that and the breakdown of the the familial sort of system of safety is destroyed because this person is your home and your home is burnt.

42:58So I think what happened for me, which is, you know, and I won't speak about this specifically because I think this goes with a lot of my past relationships or things that I tell my friends, which is to actually start realizing and seeing them as real people and not this idealized version of what you thought or what you built, but who they are really and the intricacies of of taking the shine off a little bit and and really getting into the brass tacks of like did this really work because if it did it wouldn't have happened and and that's really hard to hear because I think a lot of us want to be like it's it's them and blah blah blah but like Like it is.

43:48But I think that there's nuance in the fact that they must not be happy. It's so true. And like, you're so right, Brittany. It's like, I know it's so hard to hear, especially if there's someone like today you found out and you're like, oh my God, what do I do? there is something to be said of having enough like respect for yourself to know if this person did this to me why would I want to be with someone that could ever disrespect me and that's that is that that has been such a gift for me people keep telling me like what did you feel afterwards and I'm like grateful in a weird way because it was a neon fucking sign it was like bigger than this you're like and double yeah triple so I didn't ever have to worry if I'm yeah you know yeah like like you'll never doubt you'll never doubt like that wasn't meant to be and that's what I think leaving that conversation it is helpful for women to hear like someone that has just recently gone through something that like is unfortunately really fucking relatable and we all go through it probably at some point in your lifetime if you haven't fuck you you're lucky um it is like staying really really clear on who the fuck you are and what you deserve and not allowing yourself in the wake of the loss in the first couple months to romanticize something like being grounded of like no no hold on listen to what this person did to you like this person is like you know what i mean like you just have to kind of you're right be realistic and you can cry like i feel like sometimes people are like get over it like make sure you surround yourself with friends that are like cry snot in the fucking tissue like you should be sad because you're mourning something that you didn't have control over the ending of but like then move the fuck on I really, really shout out and give such thanks to my friends who just laid there with me.

45:59And they didn't try to fix it and they didn't try to – because there's nothing to fix. There's nothing to change. It is what it is. And they just like let me just be. And that's what I needed at that time. And I listened to a lot of woo-woo self-help podcasts. But a huge part of changing and growing is what I think is just like sitting in that pain and not trying to fix it. And trying to – and just, I don't know, it makes resilience possible. I do want to know though with divorce because I do think women, there's such a stigma of like, oh God, you got to start over. And like, how are you going to do that?