Camila Cabello: Break Up Sex >>>

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. camila cabello welcome to call her daddy

0:17i'm so excited i am so happy you're here to anyone in the daddy gang that is listening to this and not watching the daddy gang daddy gang do you want to say hi oh my god yes hello daddy gang i love the community aspect of it would you consider your sister daddy gang oh 100 okay okay that makes my sister is daddy gang for sure I love how can I say your mom walked in here and she's like don't worry I'm not going to be listening I know because I could I could just into it like I could read your energy that you were like oh her mom is here like that I'm like just close your ears and pretend this isn't happening um to anyone that's listening Camila walked in here and she has platinum blonde hair no how did you decide to do this You know, I felt like I just I needed a big physical change because I feel like I don't know, my dark hair has been with me for all of my life.

1:11I feel like it was just like a big part of how the public saw me, the world saw me, how I saw myself. And I feel like it's just been a year of like the theme has very much been like play and transformation and changing and being brave. but I feel like also the the music is so different like the world is so different that I don't know for so many reasons I was like I feel like a physical change needs to like accompany that and then I tried on a few different wigs I was gonna ask because I was talking to someone like would I ever change my hair color I'm like oh my god I don't know if I would but I would do wigs before you just go for it I definitely think you need to do wigs because it's such a big change but I do feel like everybody should do it I mean not everybody should do it but it's like a fun like I don't know it brings out a different part of your personality it's like I don't know it's kind of like a YOLO like I don't know just like fuck it is it okay if I take please should I take a sip cheers cheers cheers we're drinking wine okay everybody I need a little bit of wine because we were talking about I know I don't really do stuff like this so I definitely was like a little nervous but I'm also I'm really excited for like my fans I feel like they like haven't seen me be a person in a while okay cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers i'm gonna look over and camila's gonna be chugging the entire thing yeah wait slow down no yeah it's 1 p.m yes for context it's uh one in the afternoon and the sun is out and we're drinking wine but honestly i haven't i haven't drank in a second i've been working so much i really i'm like i feel like i kind of deserve you have had a really busy schedule too you told me yesterday i was doing meetings with foils in my head like what are we we deserve this that's what I get excited about for these type of interviews that you haven't done something like this in a while and years I feel like and I think it's important though to sometimes like step back like why do you think you haven't done something in a while?

3:17I think it was just, I needed to kind of protect myself from, I actually wouldn't even say protect myself. I think I just, I needed to just be a human being. I needed to be a person. I needed to kind of step away from being a public persona and just work on myself from the inside out as opposed to like the outside in. I mean, I've been in the public eye since I was 15 years old. So I feel like so much of, especially the first maybe seven or eight years, I was like, kind of figuring myself out at the same time as like trying to process and take in what other people thought, even if I'm not necessarily reading it directly, you just kind of subconsciously are trying to figure out what to do with all of that.

4:02So I don't know, I think I needed some time and some space to be like, who am I? What's important to me? What are not only what are my my values in that sense, but also like, what are my hobbies? What do I like to do? What's my taste in art? What kind of people do I like hang out with? What kind of people do I not like hang out with? And I feel like that's kind of the journey I've been on for the past few years. And it's been really like, it's been really nice and healthy for me. I feel like I really kind of needed to do that. amazing yeah let's talk about you growing up for a second okay girl you're like cheers cheers again my god to exploring childhood we're gonna go through all the eras yeah the or the origin myth okay born in cuba yeah you move to miami when you're like seven yeah it's so funny because i always say six or seven my mom is like you have to like pick an age right like which was it yeah i'm like i moved when i was six or seven and when i was six or seven it's like i always say that so Six or seven.

5:04Yeah. Camila moves to Miami. Can you tell me like how did your parents explain to you that you were moving? My mom told me we were going to Disney World. Oh. As immigrant parents do, they lie to protect us. I love my mom so much. She's not watching so I don't have to worry about hurting her feelings on that one. Hi, Mom. Hey, Mom. But yeah, she said she told me we were going to Disney World and I was really excited until maybe a couple months pass and I was like, wait a second, I'm still here and there's no Disney World. And yeah, it's funny, like I really empathize with that, you know, that age, that version of me because I can imagine that it's probably informed some parts of my personality in the sense that like one day I had like all my cousins and all my family around and the next date not to like whatever, like a pity sob story or whatever, but you know, one day they were there.

6:00And then the next day I was kind of like, oh, where is everybody? I actually had this song that I wrote that didn't end up making it into the album, but like so many empty chairs for like Christmas dinner or whatever. It was like some like lyric like that. But I think that's such a like visceral image that I can remember. It's like a lot of noise. And then it was like just me and my mom. Why did you guys move? I think it was just the situation in Cuba was getting more and more difficult, like lack of, there was just like such a ceiling, like as far as like, you know, my mom was an architect. And even if you had a good job, there was just like such, there was like not a lot of resources, like even like food, medicine, education.

6:46Like, I don't think a lot of people know, like the situation there is like really, it's pretty, it's pretty tough, especially right now. Like there's like, there's not a lot of food. I have family members that have come even like a month ago that are still coming. And, you know, they see like the food that we have like in, you know, in the pantry and they're like, we're just like not used to this. And I think that's like what's amazing too about Miami and the community there is like, I think because everybody has those common like start from nothing thing, like it really is like hey like if you don't have a job like I've got this uncle I got this cousin like you come work for me you don't know how to do this well it's fine I'll teach you whatever and everybody's just kind of like helping each other helping each other and also just like helping each other improvised and we're constantly like trying to like bring our our family over so I think even when you were saying that like six or seven age I think at that it's a new age six or seven yeah one word six or seven I came when I was six or seven when you were six or seven I'm thinking about you moving to having to go to a new school moving to a new country probably not completely speaking English oh no not at all at all how did you know speaking how did you make friends like what was school like um I really made friends it's it's crazy to think about like in hindsight I made my best friends through music always I was always like you know my first friend that I made her name was Giselle and we lived in uh like an apartment complex she lived in the same complex as me and we bonded over like the cheetah girls I wanted to be them so bad and I loved like you know Cinderella like that it's actually crazy how much I am realizing a lot of these things came to be I was gonna say you manifested yeah I know I really manifested the shit out of like my fucking life then you were Cinderella yeah I know and I was in a girl group but um anyway so like we would you know like I would bring uh the cd or whatever and we would like just dance to it and pretend like we were in a girl group and then like you know when I was in elementary school it was like we would pretend to be on American Idol fuck I manifested that shit too I guess I'm realizing and then we were like I made a uh like mini girl group with my friends and we were called lion girls queens of the jungle because I love the cheetah girls um that's not like that's not a like musician flex.

9:13You're like, that's a really good name. I'm like, god damn. What did you sound like back then? And I remember like this one friend that I had, like my best friend, we would like, I remember during the summers, we would like, we would be on the phone and we would like just be singing on the phone. Like, oh my god, I did like this. That riff sounds so good. Like everything was honestly really tied to music. So you knew from a young age that you like loved performing. I loved I wouldn't even say performing because I was really really shy it was like almost it was like really reserved for my friends and I remember my friends even say now they're like remember when we used to be like sing sing because I don't know if that was a thing for when it was your age but I feel like anybody who was like had like a good voice in school yes it was like it was kind of like sing and at the time it was like it was in such like good faith that people were trying but Meanwhile, the person that is going to have to sing feels like, fuck all of you.

10:13I don't want to sing. So if I was to ask any of the kids that went to your school that weren't your friends. Like, okay, Camila at 15 years old is going to become a huge pop star, famous. What do you think they would have said? There were people that were like, I didn't even know that like she sang. Stop. Because I was just, I was, I went through different phases. is like I think there was with some people that I was really funny and class clowny and whatever and then for most people I was really I was like really shy shy okay let's talk about x factor so I'm reading online and I'm like wait is this true I'm like you said that you went on x factor first to just meet one direction this is this is true I mean tell me the plan like what was the plan going in there I mean honestly I was a huge uh I don't know if I'm curious if you were too but I was like you know like I was like such a big pop culture fan like yes yeah since I was young and my friends and I really bonded over that like we didn't love fucking One Direction we loved One Direction yeah we wanted to fuck One Direction I mean at that at that age we just wanted I wanted to just kiss them any like just anything um but yeah even if at an early age I wasn't like I want to be a singer because I think it just wasn't even a thing that I thought of like Like it was like, bitch, how?

11:31Like, you know, like, how will this be a career? Yeah. Like I don't have anybody that knows anybody. I'm like in Miami, like nobody fucking the most that we had was I don't know if you remember like when that like person would come on the radio and be like auditions for Nickelodeon. Yes. Do you want to be the next Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber? And all my friends, I would be like, yeah. And it's like, there's no way, bitch. Like everyone sit down. Just so you know, I was one of those girls to be like, yeah did you audition no i couldn't all of my friends and i auditioned and they were like you are amazing you're only gonna have to pay fifteen thousand dollars to go to this acting school and my mom was like yeah yeah scam but that was like in hindsight it was always the center of my life was music and singing and writing and whatever it was always like my obsession and i think like one direction or pop culture was like an extension of that in a different way in a more probably hormonal crushy way um but yeah but i really was like i need to audition to x factor and i need to do whatever it takes to make it to at least the point where i meet harry really all of them but like harry but really harry so for everyone else it was always harry then like zane really popped off and like i've met him in person great guy like i was like oh okay like no and and Niall's so lovely too he's like amazing but it's just Terry Terry I just I was like I really really he was an inspiring muse for me at 15 when you talk about a guy when you're younger that you were obsessed with like it does sickness it brings you back like I kind of had that with Justin Bieber where you're like I was also Justin and I'm like I want to be the one less lonely girl like shut up it's crazy how delusional you are at that age you believe no you believe that you are meant to fall in love that they don't know that you are the girl for them like they don't know it but once they do there will be no stopping that train it's crazy how delusional you are did you ever do this like i remember i'd be at concerts and i'm like if if he just locks oh no me too me too i'd be like i would i would i remember like going to the concert being like I have to look incredible because for some reason I thought me at 15 years old with like my like insanely terrible like side bang and like you know like that he would lock out and then he would know for some reason it's crazy I still have some of that delusion left in me now I think it's good delusion though right it's fun it keeps you it keeps it keeps things spicy it does on your toes you know yeah 100 % just like wanting things you can't have no delusion is a necessary ingredient I think to like my my happiness but I definitely had way more at 15 I definitely was like once once he sees me he's he's he's dumping Kendall Jenner he will know he won't even know what hit him when our eyes lock yeah it's like game over baby wifey okay and then I look pictures of myself at that age and I'm like oh my god like I look like such a baby like it was never gonna happen never gonna happen but you joined fifth harmony and obviously you don't join one direction although you probably wanted to be like the one girl but i joined the what felt to me like at that time like i was like oh my god yes this is happening to me now god no that's actually so crazy like you were becoming like the female version of the new one direction yeah i mean like when i remember when we were at x factor and they started like calling our names up i was like I know this fucking story I have seen it obviously there was a lot of drama when you walked away from the group yeah and now that like time has passed and you look back at everything like how do you feel about how everything went down I feel like I'm like can really focus on and remember the really joyful times and you know I grew a lot in that group and I I remember waking up on tour and going to my hotel room at like 7am and going to my garage band and like writing songs because I didn't want to like, you know, do it while everybody was there.

15:39And I just like I had such a passion for that turned into writing. And at first I was like, oh, maybe like I want to write for other people. But then it turned into like, no, actually like I want to sing these songs by myself. And I started just like distancing myself from I feel like the group vision and it felt like you know they were still like really passionate and into that and so I just was like I'm just like not I'm not happy here anymore like it doesn't feel aligned I think also like that's so okay and I think there's two parts of it one people can look back and be heartbroken that something breaks up so understandable similar to One Direction of course it is like oh my god yeah it is it's kind of necessary to grow it's like any breakup like Like, yeah, it sucks.

16:23Yes. Which we're going to get into. Okay. So I'm thinking back. You joined this group at 15. And I'm thinking about like you were in it for four years. That's basically like a high school experience. Oh, my God. Yes, it is. Like crazy. You're a celebrity at such a young age. You're touring. You're busy. Did you have time to date? How did you meet guys? What was the vibe? when I was 15 to 19 it was like guys that you know maybe like not a lot like a few a few and it was very like we saw each other maybe once or twice a year I really started dating and whatever like probably when I was like 20 okay yeah so because before that it was just like the group was like all encompassing that was everything that was my relationship yeah I feel like everyone remembers their first love.

17:16I remember mine. I feel like you can kind of never be the same after it because it teaches you so much. And it is you experience so many firsts with this person. What comes to your mind when you think of like my first love? My first love was. I feel like I've had. A few. Maybe a couple great loves. OK. How about you? I think I've had a couple as well I think it's it's interesting because now that I'm engaged I look back on it and I like that wasn't well it's yeah it's interesting it's like it's different and and I talk about this with Matt all the time and I'm so happy that we have a healthy enough relationship to talk about exes and not be like insecure about it which I used to I would have been insecure in past relationships to talk about exes but when I think about being in love I I definitely can pinpoint like the first person I was in love with that I met when I was like 16.

18:15And it was just this like all encompassing. Oh, God. Yeah, me too. Wrecks you. Me too. And 17 was probably my first. Yep. Like really in love. I don't know. It's like there's so many different connotations to in love, though, because sometimes it's like, who was I happiest with or who made me the most devastated? and sometimes it's like god what even is the right definition of in love because there were people that there was you know one person that made me the happiest and there was the other person that made me the most sick and crazy right and I don't know what is the definition of like what's the most in love you know it's a good point it's like I feel like when I look back I agree with you all of my loves are different yeah but it's also just so fucking weird because you are so different and I think of like what I was giving maybe in my first love like I was definitely not someone bringing health and wellness to the relationship oh my god it was like fighting and writing letters and like that it was like that notebook type of love where it's like so fucking hard and devastating you're just like fuck my life but the when you leave those type of relationships I feel like it leaves the biggest lasting memory for a while because it was so hard and you fought so much and it was so loving but then difficult that like you can kind of romanticize it once you leave where the people that left you happy and if it was more stable I have found it was easier to move on from just because I can like kind of put it in a corner of my brain and be like that was so great but I know it wasn't meant to be I don't know if that makes sense no totally totally I mean I think like there is a part of me that still it depends what mood I'm in sometimes I really want peace and happiness and other times I still miss and love that chaotic sickening feeling and I don't know what that is I have to explore it further in therapy but there is something like so kind of like addictive about about that and and you know it's interesting because it's like you know it's like the classic like nervous system quote like whatever I mean actually I don't know why I said classic because it's not a classic classic it's relatable you know that that quote is like find someone that's good for your nervous system yes a lot of the times the people that are do make you feel fucking sick with love are not good for your nervous system but it's addictive but it feels so good and terrible at the same time because when it's good it's so fucking good because when it's good it's like you could cut my leg off today i will be smiling all teeth you know but when it's bad and i think this is what's so interesting when And it is bad.

20:59And I think back to those type of relationships, there's something like that makes you feel even more romantic about it because it's like we're fighting, we're working. Yeah, totally. It's just it is kind of convoluted. And there are some relationships that take a lot of work to then get to be good. Or there are just a lot of relationships that just shouldn't fucking work. But we put so much into them because it is addicting. And it really changes, I feel like, as you age. Like, I feel like when I was younger, so many relationships were like my projection of people in my head. And I really romanticized the shit out of them.

21:35And I really took a little thing that they said and I just ran with that, you know. But now I find that it's like the people that you meet that are like really exciting and how you have real chemistry with, it's really, it's rare and hard to find. It is so fucking hard to find. I find like the first couple hangouts, you will kind of be able to just gauge like if it's there because I'm not someone that's as much of like a slow burn type of person. I am not a slow burn. And what sucks is that I hear that that's the healthiest thing. It's like I've heard podcasts or where people are like, if you kind of like this person and if you're curious, just go on a second date.

22:18And I'm just the kind of person that's like, if I am not like going to sleep, like wanting to have you inside me, like I, I get it. Honestly, that's extreme. Maybe not that. But if I'm not, if I'm not like, if I don't leave the day and I'm like, wow, it's really hard for me to have that slow burn approach, but I'm trying to be more like that. I think it's just, I agree. I also just want to validate you because it's not extreme. What you just said. I think when I've left first dates, you want to like, I know it sounds fucking crazy, but this is a girl's girl podcast. So everyone girl will get it.

22:53You leave and you can like literally quickly go through like picturing yourself in like positions with them and places will not, well, positions physically and like places in life and just like kind of quickly the next year with them. And you're like picturing like the next date and your sexual chemistry. It's disgusting. You can kind of envision it. And then if I can't with someone, it's hard to go on the second date. I know. But a lot of people say like you should. And, you know, and fuck us. Yeah, I know. I know. God damn it. It's interesting. But so you're I love it. I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:28What is single Camila like?

23:46What is single Camila like? Okay. I try to really prioritize that part of my life. Okay. Because it just makes me feel, it's just so fun. Yeah. I honestly love being single. I love it. But I also, I've been in relationships for a lot of my, since I started dating. like since I started dating when I was 20 I was in long-term relationships a lot so it feels fun to just like get to know people and like talk and like see what happens yeah those beginning stages are like beginning stage also also my weakness because I love a beginning stage it's so fun it's so good it's I think why I had such a hard time getting into serious relationships I feel because the thrill and the excitement and the unknown is so fun and then once it becomes like predictable i used to be like bye but i feel that when you get older again like you start to realize there can be a balance and you start to realize there also there are other things that are important like you can go deeper and that's surprising and you know at the end of the day it's like we're people that are i really believe like we're never just one person we are constantly changing like matt could be a different person in two years he he will be a new person yeah and so there's always something new yeah but but I do feel like I'm like I think also because I was just in like a heavy like like you know like writing process writing stage it's really experiences I'm just like so hungry for experiences like the more experiences the better the better okay so one experience you had recently that we all saw online was you were on a vacation with Drake oh gosh well Well, you know what?

25:33I have to ask. I can't not ask. Yeah, of course. Of course. Have you guys ever been a thing? Well, I wouldn't. First of all, I wouldn't say like straight up vacation. Okay, okay, okay. It was vacation plus some work. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, wait. The whole internet just broke. So it was vacation plus some work. But I will say, you know what? I love that man. I love him. We all love that man. we all love him right the internet really loved him recently yeah yeah i don't know what you're talking about okay so have you ever had can we confirm or no um have i ever had what like a little thing with drake a beautiful artistic collaboration with him yes i may or may not have what is it like going on vacation with drake okay first of all we did not go on vacation this was like this was like a homie like friends trip okay okay so let me tell me let me let me break this down okay so basically drake was a big love him love him love love him as an artist for real me too love him like right yes he's the best yes who the goat um he i love him so much and i really listened to him a lot during my writing process during my album and i really felt like he would like my album love for real confidence fucking love it and so i dm'd him and i was like hey i really want to play i was like you know what i'm just gonna put it out there i just baller we gotta we we gotta make shit happen you gotta make shit we gotta make shit happen so i dm'd him and i was like i would love to play you my album i honestly feel like you would really love it because you know because because because i listened to him a lot and i and i just feel like we're i really do feel like musically in a lot of ways we like the same things and i feel um yeah so i we hung out i played in my album what'd he say he loved it okay as i and i and i thought that he would and i was like so excited it was also such a surreal moment for me to like play Drake my songs and like dude you know that's another one of those things that you're just like wow I would have never expected it's like that this would happen a dream it's a dream like are you a dream I remember being there and being like wow this is like so fucking sick and he's so generous and so kind and but anyway so I didn't like just go on vacation with him it was like a vacation like work thing but honestly I will say I love him and I'm and and that has been such a fun part about this whole experience like this has been the most it's been a really insular process in terms of like me taking it back to basics in terms of like me like really focusing on like you know my craft of writing or whatever but at the same time literally I could chug this whole thing right now but like huge toast to that and he's amazing and I love him Let's do a toast to Drake.

28:41Toast to Drake. To Champagne Poppy. God bless. We all love you. God bless. We really do love you. I love you. Okay, so you are single. So what is the approach to dating? Are you looking for something serious? Are you going on dates? Like what is happening? As far as looking for something serious, I don't know. I have phases. Like maybe like two weeks ago, I'm like, oh my God. Like I really just, I want to really have something real with someone. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready for something real again and then I am like you know talking and like meeting someone new and I'm like oh my god I love this this is so fun I don't want anything serious right now so it really it's like it's different it's different phases I really think I'm like there's so much going on right now that if it was somebody serious I would really have to connect with them on a really deep level which I always hope it is I'm a hopeless romantic at heart like I love my fun but I'm a hopeless romantic for sure and I literally if I have like a great kiss with somebody I'm like I would die for you right like we're in love oh yeah 100 % are you someone that will have a roster like what's the situation are you good at handling multiple men at once I do like a little bit not too much but just a little bit of like a you know there's like maybe a few vibes.

30:05Yes. There's a few vibes. You know and I think there's a different level of like for some people roster is like the intimacy is like maybe sleeping with all of them. That's too much for me. It's more kind of like vibes and talking, hanging out, whatever. But I can't be serious at least at this point with more than one person. I completely agree. I feel like when you're in the single stage it's helpful to kind of just like pick around and just kind of like keep a couple people that's where i am arena just to be like that's where i am like what's your vibe yeah what's your vibe right and then like once one kind of drops off you can pick up a new one yeah but it's fun and you're my new favorite yes and i think as busy as you are i get that it's like unless the person is gonna be like holy fucking shit this is like like if you're late night till 3 a.m you're fucking talking exactly if it's late night till 3 a.m and we have this insane connection and i'm like oh you're like it's giving father of my children vibe like i will i will fly anywhere you like what you come like whatever then i will do that but if it's like i i liked him and he was cute and that was cute then it's like i'll see you when i see you wait have you ever flown a guy somewhere only in like really like relationship vibes no i mean i haven't like flown them got it they fly to the front of no yeah i haven't of highlighted them to my hotel room but i mean like they have flown to me yeah but i haven't been like let me just get you a play yeah i'm not a daddy oh my god yeah i know what gives you the ick to be honest one of the things that would give me the ick is i don't really want to be like with a guy like i don't want to be like on my daddy shit have a little bit of like that like masculine energy kind of take control take control especially because you're in control all fucking day with your career and that's a big psychological thing if do you feel like that too i was gonna say like i want for sure respect but if i'm like i am literally running the ship here no same if i'm making decisions all day and i have to be like on my fucking like whatever daddy shit unironic daddy boss girl shit you better come correct when it's time and let me just not think about anything like i want you to like fuck i i want to let go and surrender right what is your philosophy around ghosting are we ghosting people are we no i don't like that i mean i actually had a conversation with my friends the other day because i went on a date with this guy okay one date how'd it go not great okay I didn't like it and I went on a date with this guy and I asked my he was like texting me and I asked my friends I was like hey guys if I don't answer is this ghosting do you go out in public with this person yeah okay and so but they're not like right he wasn't famous why did it not go well it was just so boring like there was no spark no I was like, I was thinking about every other ex.

33:08Yeah. Like I was just not. That can't happen. That's the fucking worst when you're like. Or just the number one on the roster. Oh. You're like, he's looking real good right now. Like you're like, I'm just thinking about number one. And you're like. You're like, get out. Just leave. Yeah. But you went through the whole fucking date. I honestly. This is actually crazy. So I had my. I was hiding my hair. were you wearing like a i was wearing a black wig and no did i was just like my head really hurts camilla you said that you had like a headache did he know you were wearing a wig i told him yeah you're like babe the wigs really pull in i gotta go i was like i gotta go what did he say he was like yeah of course let's go you're like no but like alone yeah i feel bad i really hope he doesn't see this he won't there's no way but the thing is this sometimes in life it's it you gotta just feel the vibes and you know what let me rephrase this just in case yeah just in case just in case it wasn't that it was boring i just was like my just heart wasn't it i think that's okay my heart was with someone else listen i think that's fine to say and i think we especially as women need to get more comfortable because how many fucking times are men like nah she ain't hot enough or like nah she's not that you just totally you just didn't vibe it wasn't it it wasn't it wasn't an amazing person it wasn't a fit but I am sensitive about ghosting because I feel like you have to be you have to be kind to people and but however I didn't text him back because I was like I don't know I don't know honestly if and if somebody were to say right now hey and my friend actually they gave me good advice they were like don't text him back if he keeps texting you then Then say, hey, honestly, it really wasn't a fit, but it was so nice to meet you.

35:04Wish you well. But he didn't keep texting. So I was like, I'll leave it. But if things had gone on further, then I'm not a fan of the ghosting thing. I just feel like it's like, why hurt people? Just be nice. Don't lead them on. I agree. Let's just, you know. And I also, just to clarify for your own conscious as we're drinking our wine, that's not ghosting. I don't think so either. He sent you one text. You didn't respond. And I kind of love a guy that's self-aware enough to be like, got it. Checked it. 100%. Like she's not into it. And also it's like it's one date. Like, yeah. Like we didn't like have three months together.

35:39100%. That's crazy. When people do that, if somebody, if I was with somebody. No. And they ghosted me after we were intimate or after we whatever. I would be like, you're just like, that's a very unkind thing to do. And I wouldn't want to be with somebody like that anyway. way what is the biggest red flag that you've ever willingly ignored so many i mean right like so many i don't know you start give me i would say like i think when i look back at past relationships something that comes up for me is like feeling insecure around him oh like big you should never feel like oh my god i don't want him to see me in the morning if i have like a breakout or like if i do I look good enough for this date or like if I'm on the date is he looking at other women like when you're with the right person you would never think that way and I think that is something I would ignore in this one relationship I had where I was constantly feeling like I wasn't good enough and it's like why like I am yeah I think that's a big red flag is like how you feel like that's just such a big temperature check in relationships like I've been in relationships before where I'm like if I am miserable for this long yeah there is just something off and some every time I've been like it's me it's me it's me it's me oh my god oh my god it's my what is it what am I oh my god blah blah but it's like a lot of the times it's like it's it's just not right I agree it's not right it's like if I feel so much better when I'm not with you and then when I'm with you I feel miserable and overthinking and anxious every time then we are just not right and then I think you kind of keep going because you you have this like hope or some ideal of what the relationship is we can work on it we can this we can this we can that and it's like sometimes it's like you have to temperature check like yeah just like it's not right it's not right have you ever been cheated on I actually I'm lucky to say I have not been cheated on it's amazing I know that's amazing Maybe.

37:42I really don't think this counts, but I was like 17 talking to a guy, but I don't think that counts. Have you ever had someone go through your phone?

37:52That's a yes. How did you see them checking it? I had deleted some texts. Right. And they were like, why did you delete this text message history? Got it. With another person. and i was like my phone deletes thing like i was like young and you were being a little shady i was being a little shady and then they caught you but that's where it's so fucked because you're like who's in the wrong and then it's like the meme of spider-man where it's like i was definitely in the wrong okay for sure i love that my phone deletes things oh i'm terrible that's such a bad lie it's amazing i was like i have never been to this day i don't think i've ever been so scared in my life.

38:35You're like, I was like, Apple. My phone just like, I delete messages, like whole complete message. I don't, I don't know. But I honestly, I broke up with him literally three days after that. Okay, that's good. That's good. But you know, shit happens. Life happens. It happens. Okay, we're going to play Rapid Fire. If you had to trade lives with any celebrity, who would it be? It's, I honestly would say no one. Really? I like my life. Love. What about you? I don't know why this just came up for me. I don't know if it's the wine. Yeah, go. but I was gonna say like maybe like Meryl Streep interesting I think I think I mean it would be amazing to be like one of the best actresses in the fucking world I think it's more because I think if I always had to pick a celebrity I would want someone that's like not in the public eye and like chooses to not she's never being paparazzi she's never so Meryl Streep okay we're moving on no that's a good one okay okay have you ever had to lie to your friends about a guy you were seeing yeah oh my god all the time like not all the time but like i love this tiktok that i see it's like um like your friend is like you like show them like a terrible text and it's like and what did you respond to him and you're like uh like when my friends are always like my friends are cold as fuck cold hearted those are good friends sometimes they're like dude how could you text him back don't text him don't do that emoji don't i'm like oh my god i didn't know you guys were mean but they're very but it's good they're keeping you in line oh my god yeah because i'm like the opposite i'm like i'm a dumbass i get it i get it i'm an idiot i was just going with it um yeah what is your biggest insecurity uh my biggest insecurity like internal external whatever whatever this is just this probably the wine too and i saw this jodie foster like interview like I was reading it yesterday congrats on your New York Times article by the way oh my god thank you I didn't read it because I didn't want to make myself nervous before the interview but I I love the New York Times and I was like oh my god there she is but I saw this one New York Times or New York or whatever like Jodie Foster interview and she was like for somebody who values privacy so much I really want to be understood and that really resonated with me I feel like my insecurity is like I don't know some like childhood thing of like being like I don't care if people get me I don't care if people whatever I'm just gonna be myself but at the same time really wanting people to understand me and you not dislike me or whatever so I don't really know I think it's like a general insecurity of like probably like being seen and then not loved or whatever I think that is one of the most relatable feelings like i think we all can try to put up a front of like i don't care about like the mean comments or this or that i try to not care but we care at the same time it's like yeah we're humans i want love yeah from people right you know and you want people to understand you because like i can tell you have such a good heart that like it's a difficult balance of like people seeing things online and then you're like i can't run to defend myself every moment no not at all tough when you are being perceived in a way that you're like that's not accurate it that's infuriating it is it is there's a lot of surrender like you have to really let go if you're spicing it up with lingerie what color are you wearing oh I think black morning sex or night sex I honestly love morning sex I like both but there's and my favorite is actually like I love like an afternoon vibe because it feels so like European it feels so like you're like not working and it feels like so primal in a way like i don't have to work right let's just like let's just like eat fruit and like i'm quite a love you it's so good if you're going home with someone are you going back to his or is he coming to yours i prefer him coming back to mine for sure biggest turn off in the bedroom i don't like like silence and like like just like no passion yes i need like going through the motions i hate going through the i'm like why are we even doing this right why are we like making eye contact why aren't we making out why are we why are you saying things to me like let's like you know what i mean yes i get it yeah to me i'm like i would rather not have this favorite sex position it depends on the vibe and it depends on the energy of whatever's happening in that moment like it's there's like in love sex and then there's like kind of freaky yeah vibes yes i get it you know i get different different strokes for different times i get it okay literally i gotta ask what your opinion is on getting back with an ex

43:47I gotta ask what your opinion is on getting back with an ex I'm personally I think it's known I'm a fan um I support it supported in the past cheers cheers what about you I think it's so it I personally think it's helpful it's helpful because i am not a person you can't forbid things from me because i will want to do it more yes if i tell myself some of my friends are really good at that they're like well not gonna text him because blah blah blah i'm not like that i'm like if i want to text him i'm gonna text him i agree i completely agree you know i've gotten back with exes even if i know it's not gonna work sometimes you need that you need to know that it's not going to work and it needs to be on your terms And then you need to be over it and you need to be like, I did it.

44:46And I've, I know, I know. I know. And I know. Okay. So I have to just say it. Yes, sure. Fuck it. Okay. So it looked, it looked to the world like you and your ex, Shawn Mendes, kind of like dabbled with the idea of getting back together about a year ago. Yeah. What was going on? You know, I think it's like what we were just talking about. Like, yeah, yeah. And, you know, it's crazy because I just like I'm kind of like impulsive in that way, I would say. Like I feel like if I feel it, I say it. Yeah. And I'm not really good at not doing that, like I said, because then the worst place for it to live in is my mind.

45:29Totally. And then I'm like, you know, Ryan Gosling in the notebook building a house for this person. so I would rather say it and you know see what happens and then wake up the next day and find out that it's been heavily documented I just like went I opted for that route but you know but it is what it is it was a great route it was a fun time it was a fun moment and you know and I will always care about him and love him he's such a good person yeah um and I'm lucky you know because some people have exes that are awful and you know and he is not he's a really kind good person when you rekindle something with an ex I've done it myself I find and I don't know if this is for you I find the second breakup is always a little bit easier than like the first initial because it's kind of already been over yes then you try to rekindle again how did you guys make this huge decision to be like okay we're moving on I think it was just like it wasn't even like a decision I think you just kind of are like yeah this doesn't really it's not a it's not a fit it doesn't feel right and I think luckily you know I was in a place in my life where it took me less time to realize that like it took us both less time like to be like this doesn't feel right and we don't really need to like try so hard to like make it work like it's all good like this is not feeling good like let's be friends I love you I love you it's all good let's move on you go do your thing you go do mine become the person that you know that you're becoming and I'll root for you and and that's it you know getting back with an ex for a moment it is sometimes helpful because it makes the first thing less hurtful because you kind of relived it for a second you're like check still not right we can kind of now like fade off and be like it wasn't it wasn't what we wanted and that's okay yeah and I think the worst thing that you can live with is like a what if or a doubt.

47:22What is your take on the idea of right person wrong time? Wow, that's a great question. I don't think that there is such thing. I feel like if it's the wrong time, it's not right. It doesn't matter if it's I think right person wrong time is still a way of keeping yourself tied to the person. And it's almost like right job wrong time. it's the wrong job so true you know so true like it's like when you say it like that you know you're right there's just no such thing like I feel like I I really I feel like if if it's the wrong time and that makes it a person that's yeah I love like just the simplicity of like it sounds so clinical and non-romantic but like it's just not a fit like when I met Matt I was like this isn't the right time like I really wasn't really a relationship and I really didn't want a relationship when I met Matt I was like fuck but I we made it work there's no she was the right person because there's no such I feel like there's no such thing really I mean maybe there is such thing as I mean maybe wrong time could be classified as like long distance or you're going away or whatever but then in that case it's it's just it's not right right right like if period it's right person you will find a way to make it work yes you will yeah a hundred percent what do you personally think is the most difficult aspect from past experience of like going through a breakup I think it's like the like a long-term breakup yeah I think it's like that it's really just like the the like where does the love go vibe you know like you have so much like care and love for this person and it just it really does feel I've luckily up to this point in my life I haven't experienced loss like real loss but it feels like loss but that person is just still out there and it takes your own restraint reminding yourself why it's not the right thing yeah to like keep you away from texting that person or or whatever and also it's like feels very out of your control because sometimes it's like I just I wanted it to be this person so bad like I wanted it to be but it's not and that feels really hard to let go like to be like I really wanted this to be it but the fact that it's not that I can't make this person who I wanted them to be it's tough it's really tough like you really it really feels like like uh you can't always get what you want kind of thing I do kind of love how you said that though it's so true of like where does love go when I'm thinking of like what would my answer have been I'm like kind of similar where you're like how did we love each other so much and now it's not gonna work and we know the reasons it's not working but like we loved each other so much like how do we just like float away from each other and like that's it yeah it's like where does the energy go right i find like it was so funny after like there's been breakups where after i'm like i tell my best friends i'm like can i just like hold your hand more and like be more like touchy with you because that's like a big love language for me as you've probably seen in videos is like touch physical touch and even like the touch starvation after and you know what I mean it is really hard totally like I'm like can we just hold the hand right like that's when it gets tricky when you go through a breakup of like do I miss him or do I miss the things that came with having someone that I was in love with and that's really hard to discern of like I miss my a best friend I miss someone that's like gonna hold me and like hold my hand And it's usually that, I think, for me in the past.

51:07I agree. You know, and that's where you really have to be like, I didn't get what I wanted. True. I really wanted this person to be this. I really wanted us to be this. It's not. Yeah, it's not. For all the girls listening, I'm curious if you have any advice. I've been through it. I think social media makes it so much fucking worse. How do you handle from past shit of like when you know you and your ex are moving on at different paces? Oh, my God. It's the worst. I'm like I'd be out here fucking stalking bitches it's torture saying it's just like how do you handle it I don't even know if you have advice I really think it's like I have been an absolute psycho absolute psycho I love you for admitting that because aren't we all and honestly even worse when I was younger when I was younger I would be dating a guy and like stalking his ex I'd be like what is wrong with me everyone raise your hand in this room I still honestly I definitely like we all been a while since I've been in like a long-term relationship but god I was like he's like telling me he loves me and meanwhile I'm torturing myself over somebody like he's not even with anymore it's like so crazy so hard the the torture I think like my advice would be I've gotten better at this is like I'm a big like mindfulness like a kind of Buddhist practitioner person not practitioner person that sounds so fucking weird I know like what um but I think like self-compassion is really important when it when it comes to that stuff it's like I could do something that's gonna really hurt me or I can put the phone down it's really hard but you almost have to do it out of kindness for yourself and I think like giving ourselves grace like it is normal to want to be interested in that shit like i think it's so annoying when people are like oh my god you like stalk your ex it's like oh fuck you literally fuck you it's like if this person was in your bed you used to have sex you were intimate you were in love like of course there's moments where you're like eating a french fry one day and you're like oh what is he up to it's like you it's natural just like you're wondering what fucking kids from middle school are up to and you go on facebook to get up oh my god also like the people that don't admit that i'm like oh please like you're not fun to talk to like where is your like fucked up human size we're crazy we're crazy crazy breakup sex are you a proponent has it helped you in the past has does it ruin things for you so what does breakup sex mean like you're like this is over oh but yeah and then you do it one more time yeah of course and like have you found it makes it more messy or is it more like okay I feel like if you're if you're wanting to have breakup sex you're probably gonna hit each other up next week like there's still something there you know and like I said I'm sorry I'm a proponent like I don't believe in the forbidden fruit if you want it do it kind of like date until you hate them vibe I don't actually hate anybody but I'm saying do it until it's out of your system and my friends really don't agree with this they're like you're an idiot and we hate you and don't ask me for advice anymore because I'm sick of you but it's been helpful for me and you know and and I also think the I think the hard part is like sometimes you do waste some time in that way like you like are still entertaining something and maybe there could be somebody out there that's better I think the point to close out the dating chapter is like yeah everybody that's listening like don't feel shame if you go back to an ex no but protect yourself in those moments of just knowing like what there could be an end date and just like just be okay with that and maybe there's not an end date maybe you guys are going to stay together forever i think it's just like know why know why yeah you still keep going back is it the sex is it the chemistry is it the emotional connection is it your self-esteem is it whatever because I think like one thing that I feel like I'm always trying to do I'm not trying to whatever the risk of sounding I'm not trying to sound preachy is like I feel like always doing the inner work and inner questioning of like why am I doing why am I doing this why am I doing this and if you still want to do it do it totally but just know why you're doing why you're doing like what you're getting out of it your new music is on the way which everyone is freaking out about did you hear it I did so I was at the hairdresser and I'm like where do I listen to this and I'm holding it up to my ear and i'm listening also like me obviously interviewing you i was like trying to listen to the lyrics yeah like what is she trying to say which i love it's so good thank you it's everything because it's so fucking raw and it's so fucking real and i wanted to ask you just like what has it meant to you in the writing process and everything yeah well i think this is like my i love this quote by this um poet rainer maria rilke that's like live your questions have you ever heard of that no i love i read this book um it was actually in covid time and it's called letters to a young poet and there's this poet that's asking him like he has so many questions and i think he's like probably in his 20s and uh he's like the one advice i can give you is to live your questions and i feel like this was my live my questions album live my questions chapter and it's like very um really like sitting in the discomfort of things and realizing there's not going to be a neat in a box answer.

56:39It's like, I feel strong in these ways, weak in this ways. And there's no real clear answer here. But yeah, like the album process has been like such a journey. And, you know, it started off with me really having that intention of going back to how it started for me, which is just like, you know, sitting with myself and, you know, really like getting back to that first like passion of songwriting and you know uh like nerding out over references and artists and poetry and whatever and really tapping into that um and then finding um the collaborators that would really help me I worked with like this amazing producer named Pablo Elgincho and he really championed that for me and whenever I would get kind of nervous or doubtful about like you know should we bring any other co-writers in the room or whatever he'd be like no this sounds like you got this and we got this and you know we can do it and he brought in Jasper Harris and three of us kind of like made this whole project and it turned into like I'm excited for you to hear the whole album because it really is like kind of almost turned into like this very um like solidified songwriter voice for me that became kind of like a persona and a world which is the first time I've really done that with an album where it's like has its own kind of color palette and mood and aesthetic and sonic vibe and you know it's like very it became kind of like its own world and then obviously like you know the people that I that I'm like a huge fan of like there were so many artists that kind of came in and you know it's just been like so fun and amazing I'm so excited for you because when I just read some of the lyrics it feels like were actually just like inside your brain like reading your diary almost in a way and I love how so much of it felt you're right of like this back and forth of like where your brain goes when you're in the middle of situations and it felt so real and like when I was reading it I'm like oh my god I've experienced this in my life before too it was very relatable but the way that you were able to articulate it was just fabulous and I think so many women specifically I think are gonna be like um you're speaking from my experience yes I've loved this and it's really cool it's also really cool because like the album aesthetically and even like so many of the themes in terms of it it's like you know there's a lot of like lip gloss and nails and whatever it's like very hyper femme yes which is so fun because it's like I feel like I'm really tapping into the fun of like the feminine experience and and sensuality and like even like the things that we do like the you know like yeah all those like different the hair the hair no it's so good and i'm so excited personally to hear the whole thing but i'm excited wait because i think people the beauty of conversations like this is like i haven't really seen you like this online we're like i know you really are like our girlfriend like i feel like we're all friends with you now and i get you and i we like you're you just feel like someone that is very like relatable that's why i wanted to do this podcast too because I was like I feel like it's like very for the girls and I feel like my album is like very like for the girls and also like my so much of it was like in spot is so much of me and who I am is inspired by my friends and you know what I mean and like that dynamic and like you know drinking wine and talking about like whatever the worst sex you've ever had like that's like you know that's very that's life that's life that's the best part of life what message do you hope fans take away from this album when it comes out oh that's a great question I really think it's live your questions and I would add a bonus to that is I think it's like really embracing the playfulness of it like the playfulness of being alive of being a girl and I think that's honestly why so much of this album has themes like I don't know like sex or whatever is because it's playful and it's playful and it's hot it's hot and and being hot is fun yeah like some of the lyrics i was like oh camila like let's go well i think it's like just like this spirit of i think freedom and and like just like ownership and really just like owning your fucking life and i don't know just like fucking being being free and being you i am so excited for you the daddy gang will support you the minute this comes out and daddy gang i can't thank you enough for sitting down i know that you don't do this often and like you're a fucking pro i could do this with you all day well me too and i knew that it would happen like that because i really was like i was listening to your stuff and i was like oh this is a girl that like i would be friends with you know but thank you for real for making me feel so comfortable you're so kind and i love you and i love this one and i love you too thank you so much thank you you're the best

1:01:43Thank you.