Cheers Bitches - Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder

0:00Daddy gang, what's up fuckers? It is your father. I am here to feed you. You guys are always asking for more content. And so I present to you another podcast. Episode one of Extra dirty. You guys just listen to call her.

0:30relax and maybe have a cocktail for this one listen to the first episode of extra dirty enjoy

0:50hi my little fucking freaks we're having a little talk okay guys i'm doing something really fucking stupid right now We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York. Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night.

1:16Welcome to my podcast. Welcome to Extra Dirty. I'm so fucking excited to be here with you guys. I know it's taken a minute. I know it's taken a long minute. But guys, perfection takes time. I was going to come out with something that's like fucking shitty. And like I would have to redo and like just kind of ass, like whatever. I wanted this to be perfect for you guys. Like I was just being a woman of the people at this point. Okay. This podcast is going to be so graphic, so horrendous, so dirty, so slutty. You're going to look at me so differently. Please keep your AirPods on when you're listening to this podcast.

1:48I will say do not listen to it at church. Do not listen to it at a classroom. Do not listen to it in front of your parents unless your dad is single. Please. for the love of god strap in we're gonna have a fucking fun time i'm so happy to be here it's gonna be epic i like might get canceled okay but if i do get canceled guys i want to be canceled for like a really hot controversial like athlete or maybe some like hedge fund guy that's gotten arrested i don't know like something interesting but like not too deep we'll get into that later but anyways welcome to extra dirty this podcast will not only be extra dirty, but probably most of the time I'll be still like living on the fumes of my night before as I have consumed like a hundred extra dirty martinis.

2:34Like they'll still be in my system as I sit here and talk to you guys. If you guys don't know me, you know, I kind of just like fell into social media. I started posting on TikTok like a year, a year and a half ago. And honestly, I was just making that platform more of like my private story. Honestly, I was like, no one's like being honest on this fucking platform. Like no one's like telling the truth or like showing any flaw at all. Everything's just like a perfect little like clean girl aesthetic image of what their life is. And that is just not what life's about. Life is fucking rough. Anyways, all that shit was very short formatted content.

3:07And I was like, I feel like I could yap for hours about like what's going on in my mind. So here we are. Another fake blonde with a podcast. I apologize. But like here we are. Like I'm not that mad. I feel like on TikTok, I'm so like ambiguous. like what's going on with my like love life I'm very good about like you know dropping little hints there and here like I definitely sleep around and I make that known but I'm never like name dropping I'm not like a fucking weird freak so the thing is like with what I do and like me just talking and doing like debriefs online like I have a lot of men being like I want to stay as far away from this bitch as humanly possible because at fear I might talk about them online I will but like I'm only going to talk about you if you give me something like to talk about Usually like these men they piss me off and they think they can do whatever.

3:57Hi Sorry, I'm here to talk about it. Why not? So what is going on in my love life right now? My most recent conquest I call them conquests Because what else are they? I made the mistake of hooking up with this man He was in the entertainment industry, which by the way stays humanly far Oh, wait, am I in that? Wait, I'm considered this is the entertainment industry, right? Oh, fuck. He was in the entertainment industry and like red flag number one. I feel like those men are just super narcissistic. Their egos are bigger than my fake tits. Like it's just a lot of narcissism. Let's call him Old Spice.

4:38I'm gonna give a code name for the man. Let me wet my whistle before I tell this fucking story. ASMR.

4:49Also guys, look at my coaster. It says cock all right, let's talk about it. Okay, so I met this guy We got introduced in the middle of the summer whatever and he was fucking hot like he was sexy And honestly, I don't regret a fucking thing because of how sexy he was and i'm the type of girl that I see a hot guy And say we connect I will sleep with that man that night And I don't feel bad about that. I feel like that's pretty normal But just no one says that like that's okay And I don't see why that's frowned upon. I feel like that's good work ethic Like you see your pride, go get it. Like go get it.

5:21So anyways, we met. He wouldn't sleep with me upon first meet, which is probably a green flag for him. I'll give him that. Probably a red flag for me that I was super pissed off about it. So I never thought I'd see this man again. Anyways, I get a phone call like two days after. I mean, I never thought I would talk to this man again. And I missed two phone calls like from this man. I was like, okay, he must got like in a car accident. I don't know what happened. So I go, is everything okay? Like I was in the middle of moving, whatever. And he was like, no, I just want to hear your beautiful voice.

5:51I'm like, this voice? This vocal fry? You've got to be fucking kidding me. From then on, we started talking. He would call me for like two hours every night. And I don't talk on the phone. I'm also like a horrible fucking texter. Like text me if you're making plans or if someone died or if a baby was made. But other than that, like please do not bother me. So anyways, we would talk on the phone because this man was fucking hot. So we would talk on the phone for two hours a night. and he would tell me all these stories he'd be like what's your hobbies baby yeah yeah and I was like hobbies I don't have fucking hobbies I go out I drink a little and then I do what I need to do to make money and then I watch reality tv and rock in peace but anyways he called me up and he goes I wrote this beautiful short story about you and you were my muse and I'm like what the flying fuck are you talking about but anyways obviously i wanted to hear the story guys the story was the most insane thing i've ever fucking heard of honestly i hope it goes into production because what so this is the story you told me goes so like this couple they meet on a farm this guy works at a gun range he teaches people i'm just giving you guys the bullet points he teaches people how to shoot guns essentially whatever they get set up they go on a date and she's like what do you do he's like I shoot guns she's like this prim and proper bitch and she's like oh like I hate guns like I'm so scared of guns blah blah blah blah they fall in love whatever he goes to work and she starts like stealing the guns out of his cabinet and starts like fucking herself with the gun and I was like I don't understand how we got how am I the muse I was like how how am I the muse to this fucking story I do not understand but anyways this girl is stealing this man's guns, taking them out of the cabinet and using them as a big fucking massive rifle dildo.

7:41I was like, okay, continue. The end of the story is he walks back into his apartment or his ranch. I don't know, they're on a fucking ranch. And she's fucking herself with the fucking massive rifle. And he's like, what the fuck? And she's like, oh my God, caught off guard and accidentally pulls the trigger and blows her head off through her body out of her head. I was like oh he likes me oh my god I was like what the actual fuck it was the weirdest thing ever but honestly me being the person I'm demented too in the head I was like this might be a match me in heaven anyways he invites me let's call it Canada he invites me to Canada okay beautiful old Canada I go okay let me just grab my bar let's go and I stay out there for like a week or so And we eventually, like the first night, we didn't hook up.

8:35But he brought me to this weird ass three hour cinematic movie masterpiece. And then just drops me off my hotel. And I was like, I did not fly and take a kayak and a train and a bus and roller skates to get here for you to not fuck me. So now I was pissed. And I was like, what is this? I feel like I was getting punked. I was waiting for production to pop out with the little cameras and be like, what the flying fuck? But no, the next day he was like, I have to build rapport with someone before I engaged in sexual activity. And I was like, OK, like we get it. Like, take your pants off. I don't. It was getting frustrating just because I was like, I didn't spend all this money and fly all this way for the hotel.

9:19I didn't spend all this money and fly all this way for us to not be doing cartwheels in your bedroom. so anyways the second night and all the nights from there on we ended up hooking up and it was fucking crazy like he had studio grade bondage equipment in his drawers that looked like they had tags on him like I don't know if he went to Home Depot and purchased all this for me like oh my god I was so flattered but holy hell this man had put me in a hog tie do you know what a hog tie is production yeah you know what it is like it's like hold on so he had me like this so it's like this and it was like

10:07so he had me in a hog tie like this and i couldn't move and then he had this extension bar like you know how you put like shades up or whatever it's like a pole they put in between your legs. I don't know what this angle looks like, by the way. So you put this pull between your legs. And if you move your legs a little more out, you can't go back in. So I dislocated my hip. I literally think I tore my ACL, but it was the craziest. I honestly, I would do it again. Honestly, Mr. Old Spice, you can call me anytime. You'll always have a seat at my table. But anyways, that ended tragically for a plethora of reasons for me long distance there's just like I feel like a physical aspect of relationship is so important yes the emotional connections also fine but also I just don't think I have enough emotional maturity I'm very self-aware but like I'm very toxic and I guess like I have very low emotional IQ so I just think long distance for me wouldn't work because I would be plotting how to pick fights with someone that's in a different time zone like all day long just for like my own entertainment I don't think it was the right fit not because he was the wrong person I think I just have like a lot of growing to do which you'll probably see on this podcast like I'm probably gonna come off as a fucking mess most of the time I'm not going to tell you like this is how you should be doing things.

11:32Honestly, if anything, this is how you should not be doing things maybe, but it's entertaining and it's the truth. Enough of that nonsense, guys. Let's go back into the nitty gritty. I want to get into my childhood, the origin story. People need to understand the lore, the true lore. How did I become this product? And honestly, a lot of it goes back to childhood. A lot of people don't know this. as a child I was super fucking chubby like it was really cute but like not during the time period where sugar lips were really popular I was the youngest in my grade the last to hit puberty like all of that stuff so I remember like all my friends were like so petite and skinny and blah blah blah and I was this like chunky monster like little chunkster with a boy haircut because you know my mom has a really short cute little pixie haircut and we thought that would look really cute on me.

12:26It doesn't look really cute on a nine-year-old that's a little obese. Also, like, maybe don't get that right before you attend an all-girls Catholic school. I remember my first day, fifth grade, I walked into the school and Mr. fucking Helm, yeah, shout out Mr. Helm. I'll always remember this. He goes, oh, where's your sister? Fuck you, Mr. Helm. Like, that stayed with me forever. I was super chubby. So honestly, I felt like the way I was able to make friends was through like being funny. I feel like my sense of humor had to carry because my looks weren't like people weren't my friend because I was like this hot, cute little like thing.

13:07Wait, is that weird to say about a nine year old? I don't like I was like not a popular girl. I wasn't popular because I was like pretty. I was popular because I was funny and I was kind and I was able to make friends with everyone. But I remembered in eighth grade was when I first got really skinny. We had a little bit of an eating issue there. I got really thin and it was the first time boys recognized me. It was the first time I made friends with like the cool girls in my grade. So from that point on, I attributed like being super thin to having value as a person, someone that you could be friends with, which started this whole other fucking series of drama.

13:48We'll get into that on another date. But yeah, anyways, high school, I had one boyfriend. He was at the brother. I went to an all girls Catholic school. Like how fucking ironic that is. I'm sitting on a podcast called Extra Dirty and I went to an all girls Catholic school for eight years. PSA to all the parents watching, don't send your child to an all girls Catholic school. It's like caging a wild animal and then releasing them into college. Like I turned hope because of that. The thing that is interesting about like the all girls Catholic school lore is like, I went to that school for eight years.

14:21I'm not even Catholic. I don't even, I'm Protestant. I'm a CEO. I'm a Christmas Easter only type of bitch. Okay. Like that church, like a church, he hates to see me coming. Like, trust me on that. Like I've literally had sex in a church parking lot. Like I am not like your typical Catholic school girl. Maybe like the kind of Catholic school girl you see in pornos, but like, I'm not your typical, like prim and proper, like Blair Waldorf type of bitch. Like that's just not who I am. But it was a great school. It was a private school. I wasn't a great student. I was like probably a B average student just because I didn't give a fuck.

14:55I didn't put like my whole pussy into like academics, which is fine. Whatever happened in the great war of 19, like I'm not using that right now as I sit on this couch. I just feel like there was no need for me to really dive into academics. I mean, it works for some people, but it just, it wasn't my thing. Okay. Anyways, my parents weren't very strict. I mean, I think some of you have seen my dad online. Like I post him a lot on my TikTok. He is me personified. Like I, the apple does not fall far from that tree. He's fucking funny. He's so unserious and he's like, like a little cringy, but like in a fucking funny way, which I think I am too to be honest and then my mom is like the complete opposite they're in like in a rock star relationship you have to have a rock and you have to have a star and you both need each other for the whole machine to be well oiled I feel like that's super important for a relationship like I don't want to date someone that has a bigger ego than me like we would kill each other I think we'd act like it would be on like the daily mail like we would kill each other but yeah they weren't strict at all my mom was more of like the emotional support my dad is more like the financial support.

16:02He still is. Shout out dad for this beautiful apartment. I love you so dearly. Thank you. Oh my God, dad, I love you. You're my favorite. When I think about it, actually, have I dated more rocks or more stars? The men I've dated are fucking, no offense, duds. And then they would like cheat on me. I remember my first boyfriend, he cheated on me while I was in rehab for an eating disorder. So it's not like I could have break out of the cage and go like confront him about it. I was dealing, I wasn't like, I was in knitting class. I don't, like I couldn't deal with his bullshit. He was cheating on me with my like best friend's twin.

16:41And I was knitting and coloring inside the circles and like my little kumbaya group trying to heal myself. And he was out there like playing me. I was like, after that, didn't trust any men, even if they're a rock or they're a star. Men just suck in general. I don't know. I'm still figuring out. It's a whole thing. Going back to my parents, they are amazing they're like my best friends i feel like as i've gotten older i've appreciated spending so much time with them like i like look forward to hanging out with them they're way cooler than i'll ever be but they're great people but no they were not strict honestly i think they just sent me to the all girls private catholic school so they can get me into a good college and my dad's rich so like i feel like he can afford the private school i don't i don't know guys yeah you're gonna have to ask him when he's on the podcast he always used to say 42 5 down the drain which was my tuition like per year 42 5 down the drain I would say like selling dumb or like uneducated or just like I can't believe this is the product I've made he'd be like 42 5 down the drain fuck like I've created a monster it's his fault we go to Bergdorf together he brings me there.

17:50Like, it's not like I'm going alone. He comes with me and he approves of every purchase. Not only does he approve of every purchase, he picks things out. So speaking of my dad, he does commercial real estate development. He fucking absolutely crushes it. He like really wanted me to be in it just because our personality types are so similar. At one point in time, when I had first moved to New York city, I had literally no idea what I wanted to do. this is before social media I had no job and I was luckily able to get away with that for some time I would host us here and there in the summer on Nantucket but for the most part I was not doing anything during the year so my parents were like you need to get a job like you like this is like you're 24 years old like I don't know what the fuck you're doing with yourself and also at the same time I really wanted a new rack like I really wanted new tits so I told my mom I was like mom I'm like, I think I need new tits.

18:42They kind of look like a rock in a sock. Like my weight really fluctuated and like, like picture a rock in a sock. It's kind of like, you know, it's like not cute. So I was like, all right, I need a new chest. And my mom's like, we'll pay for it if you get your real estate license. So I was like kid in a candy shop. I was like pen to fucking paper. I was like, I got my real estate license within two weeks. I think it was honestly a world fucking record. I got that shit so quickly. At the same time, I was seeing this billionaire and he was, oh my God, this is, he's going to be a whole chapter of this podcast, but I'll go a little into the, because he kind of goes into this story.

19:24He called me from London one morning and he was like, fucked up, 7am there. And I was like, so head over heels over this man who was like 15 years older than me like hedge fund daddy saw he was checked all the boxes besides the fact he was like a peter pan man like this man is never going to grow up never wants to grow up has a lot of money can get any fucking bitch he wants he's also like semi-attractive i miss him he was fun all right i'm getting distracted so anyways at the same time he also thought i needed new tits honestly i think he planted the seed which is kind of fucked up but like he was like i'll pay for them He was like, Hallie, like I'll vemo.

20:04So him and his best rich daddy friend both vemoed me four grand for my tits. It was like 12 grand, but like they both vemoed me four grand. They think they own each tit. They named them like Francesca and Consuela. I don't know. Like they think they own my chest, but little do they know I pocketed that money. It was just like play New York money at that time. I pocketed that money, got my real estate license and then my parents paid for it. So I ended up getting the fake tits and I've never sold a fucking house in my life. But I love a crown molding and I can appreciate good interior, a one bed, a one bath.

20:42And I know what areas of New York are the best in the city. I know where the daddies are. I know where the rent is the highest. And that's where I typically hang out because I know they can afford nice things. You know the thing about real estate, it's like location, location, location. Just like you guys right now, sitting at your little laptop or your phone or whatever, you're in the right place right now watching the right podcast. Like look at us. We're just growing together.

21:11Okay. Now that I've told you guys that different men own each of my tits, I have a little secret to share with you guys. There's actually currently right now as we speak, a man in my bed. I didn't want to like tell you that, but like don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. But I feel like we went so hard last night. I feel like he could use a little bit of the hair of the dog right now so let's get him up i feel like cookie come here lover surprise i don't know what i feel worse from the fucking dominoes or the vodka here get your fucking mic okay hi guys this is graden cookie cutler okay guys i feel like most of you know who graden is but if you don't he's like my best most funniest friend we sleep together all the time he's so good in bed this is true we do sleep together a lot no yeah and you turn on your sound machine it's always like super magical we get cozy no i actually do but i do have my airpods in watching real housewives oh okay well this morning i woke up hallie woke me up and she said i took it was 11 sorry i didn't mean to interrupt you but it was 11 45 okay okay but that's my morning hallie told me that i was taking up the whole entire bed but this morning I woke up and her head was on my shoulder and he hates physical touch you don't like when I cuddle or hug you or anything I don't like that because you have a vagine okay if you were a man I wouldn't mind I can't picture you like cuddled up with someone like I can't picture you like being the big spoon are you the big spoon or the little spoon um I just think anatomically I have to be the big spoon one time I was cuddling with somebody and I fell asleep and I woke up and they were just gone.

22:55And I'll be honest with you, I really haven't cuddled since. So have you ever fucked a woman or are you like a gold star? Do you know what a gold star is? It's like they had a C-section, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, a gold star is when you have a C-section. No, it's like you did not even like come out of a vagina. Not only did you not sleep with a woman, you didn't even come out of a woman. You came out of their stomach. that's actually a good not me teaching you about being gay again well that's not like actually gold star but like that like could be a thing that's platinum star like never touched a vag um yeah i'm a gold star yeah i'm your mom on a c-section no hallie that's not actually what a gold star is a gold star is when you're gay and you've never been with a girl so you're not a gold star because i'm a gold star okay yeah i'm a gold star loud and proud so like let's get back to like our origin story i feel like a lot of people don't know like how we became friends how we met we should tell them the story of how we actually met okay let's tell it you would remember more than me probably are you really counting on me for memories so i walk into this party on nantucket obviously shit face this was like my first time actually going to nantucket the year i believe was like 2021 right after covid so this is my first like taste in nantucket kind of and i see this girl and she's like snatched she's like her skin's pulled back i'm like did she I'm like did she get a facelift like what's going on and I was like your skin is so amazing like what do you do when you told me you like get your Botox at this girl in New York but like you live in Boston so at the time you were living in Boston and you would go to New York to get your face done I remember this flash forward I didn't know this bitch lived in was from Boston I didn't know she had a house in Nantucket so I thought I was never gonna see you again and then we were in Boston on a cold rainy ass night you set the mood set the tone we're on this yacht that's where hallie and i really rekindled and i was like oh my god you like are from boston like you're here oh my god let's hang out so that's how we started hanging out and then i look over and there's this man and he was like a tech ceo founder i think he is in prison now yeah yeah i worked for him for a little bit like when i was like didn't have a job trying to figure out what i was doing he was like a crypto baddie like he like promised me all these things he used to put me up with the nomo soho and like work on his like computer for like this new app he was creating like no offense but like that's all he could afford if he's in crypto was the nomo soho no that was a red flag yeah and he had like a no hate to the nomo soho and he had this really good friend who was bald that was like working on his crypto this is like such a side note i went on this date with this man he was like bald and like it was the sketchiest thing i've ever done he promised me like ten thousand in like fiscal cash no and he said he would only give it to me if i sucked him fucked him i didn't suck him i didn't fuck him he was bald so he looked like mr clean so he shows up to this date with a suitcase of 10 grand in cash and gave it to me did you keep it yeah what'd you have to do i told my uti and i couldn't hang out with him for the rest of the weekend that made me sound like kind of an escort it wasn't like that i didn't even kiss him honestly I feel like he got bamboozled that night.

26:11Anyway, I hope he's well. But I looked over my shoulder and his pants were down to his ankles and his whole entire asshole was out. No, he's cheek spread. Cheek spread, blackout drunk. And I was like, is somebody going to put this guy's pants on? I can't be looking at this. We had people seasick. The waves were tumultuous. And this man is like ripping his asshole apart, like basically in a futile position. Anyway. I've seen darker parts of that man than his internal organs have. I could see his throat from behind. It was crazy. You can't say that. Yeah, you know, I think we shared that moment of seeing this man's asshole.

26:55And that's when we became friends. We've been through it. Wait, speaking of men with gaping assholes, when was the last time you have entered or have been entered? via throat, via ass, via ear with a man. Via ear like yesterday. It's been a really long drought and I feel like I'm like in the Sahara Desert, like one of those animals who like can't really access the watering hole. And it's not, I don't think it's the rain that's like blocking me from accessing water. I'm starting to think it's me. No, I think your type is bad. Your type is straight men. So that automatically sets you up for failure.

27:35okay i would just like to correct like it's not straight men no it is just mass like i like a more masculine man which is totally fine but i don't know i mean i definitely don't think my tiktok videos help when was your last sexual encounter flaying romance a spark that lit a fire under your beautiful plump ass that's so sweet thank you um the last time let's just go with the last time i got diddled um or diddled somebody else that sounds illegal i'm gonna be honest with you i don't remember no like you have to like i'm telling you right now to pick a date um over over a year ago probably that i fucked i've sucked you're the sucking queen i used to be not anymore we're going out tonight again tonight hallie is having a party i think tonight's my night where like i really want my eyes to cross last night we were pretty drunk but tonight i want to be even more drunk anyways i feel like we could go on and on about fucking crazy stories we've been like we've seen so much together like besides like the darkest parts of people's assholes i think we've seen a lot of lauren wait fucking freak of the weeks here

28:48you

29:03Lauren's here Guys this is Lauren Guys we're the three best friends that anyone could have We're the three best friends that anyone could have Welcome to the casting couch I feel very welcome Should we all touch each other? Let's all hold hands No I see how it is Alright guys if you don't know Lauren Lauren's the one that like makes She's the reason I'm alive I feel like she keeps my schedule Together it sounds like you work for me No I like might be production When I call it production in my TikTok she is Production I'm calling for Like I wouldn't show up to Anything on time I'm not a planner I am just a Personality hire Yeah Yeah.

29:54Fish is just good at getting shit done. She's also really good in bed. Oh my gosh. Wait. She shows me her sex tapes all the time. It's like watching. We're getting right into it. You know when you're like on like a sports team and they like rewatch tape to like see where they like could have like done better. I'm that person for you. Yes. Do you have any feedback? You're amazing. Recoil's insane. What happens to you in that? No, I don't. We'll go into that. But anyways, this is Lauren. Introduce yourself, my little freak of the week. I'm Lauren. I'm from New Jersey. That's like probably the most uninteresting thing about me.

30:27Me and Hallie have been best friends for like six years now. Yeah. Yeah. So my college roommate was Hallie's best friend from high school. And then we met and we fell in love. We did. We did. We had a week of just going out straight together. Every single night we would go to bed. Sounds like you're legit lesbos. A week. It was like a year. Last week we went and accidentally ended up at a gay bar. And it was like all lesbian couples around us. There was flags everywhere. We had no idea. A lesbian bar or a gay bar? Yeah, it was a gay bar. There was like a lot of lesbian couples. And we were just like sitting there.

31:06I think we were one of them. Yeah. We might have been one of them. We were one of them. I think people thought that we were one of them. No, definitely. Definitely people thought I was chowing down on you. Yeah. Bowing the lawn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Putting from the rough. The whole nine. Yeah. Munching muffin. Anyways, we have known each other for how many years? Six years. Six years now. You've never seen me in a relationship. I haven't, but I've seen you in multiple situations. I think that's always crazy that you've never seen me committed. Yeah. And you've only seen me committed. I was committed to them.

31:36They weren't committed. They weren't committed to you. No. No. You thought they were. I thought. And I was always trying to like tell, I was like, they're not hot, even though some of them were. I was like, they're not hot, Hallie. Like, like you could do so much better. And now looking back, we're like, fuck. The cross was hot. The cross was hot. lacrosse was really hot but i was trying i'm i was very convincing i was like he's not hot trust me it's the hottest guy i've ever gone with ever my whole entire life yeah so you have a boyfriend we love him we love him actually you didn't like him at first though i didn't like that i had he hit on hallie in front of me no he didn't yes he did he added you on snapchat in front of me when he didn't like me no yeah to do it no no here's what happened here's what happened my boyfriend now at the time like didn't want anything to do with me and yeah and like in order to like show me how he didn't want to have anything to do with me he was like i'm just gonna like flirt in front of her i'm gonna like add her best friend on snapchat and like would like put his phone down so i could see everything this was when he was like mean and then the second didn't he have a fuckboy face right he had a fuckboy face no he's like perfect but like for those like he's an angel but like he wasn't an angel until the second that he asked me to be his girlfriend up until then i was a doormat and like the Holland Tunnel did you like being doormat or did you like and you were thick you were so thick lauren used to like show up at like my house in nantucket and like be wearing like af1s and like jordans yeah i wore like jordans with like nicky mid calves to the beach no yeah to go to your jordan no that was fake they were fake yeah they were like custom made like they just like took oh with the fabric yeah oh yeah that is extremely ghetto and you wore leather pants to the beach but here we are they were real leather then you met jordan you guys fell in love so deeply he also has a massive piece who jordan's like a walking tripod you know like that thing that's holding up this camera right now that looks like jordy is a third leg that man if like a gust of wind ever hit him from behind he would be standing up still I love that for him.