Dove Cameron: Toxic Patterns, Engagement, & Entering 30's

36:43Like, I'm calling my mom right now. I'm calling all my friends. But it was something, it took me up until that to be like, okay, wait, this isn't love. And it's not. It's your threshold though, Dove. My threshold was high, girl. my threshold was crazy high and i also i also it's such a weird thing to try to explain to people who have never been in this position i loved that person i was in love i was i was in love and and it's hard to conceptualize like people who are like but how can you love someone who does those things to you and yes i would say now from a healed and healthy perspective i would agree i would i would also find it inconceivable but i was gonna say but but i I think what we also have to have empathy with ourselves and other humans when everyone's like, why did you stay and why did you do this?

37:34How would you know any better of what you deserve when within your own home there was a pattern and there was a procedure essentially that you all knew when this was happening? This is how you fall in line. And then he'll apologize. And then we go back to normal. And then we try to pretend it didn't happen. And then another moment happens. And then we get through it. And so it was like this cyclical situation that you were going through that like that was your life and you just survived and lived so that when you get into a romantic relationship, how would it be if someone had boundaries and treated you right and was respectful?

38:05You'd be like, when is the other shoe going to drop? Because you had never seen anything like that in your life. And so then it takes you actually learning and experiencing the world and talking to therapists and licensed people who actually are sitting there with you to be like, let me walk you through. This is not healthy. This is trauma. Yeah. Well, and also like huge bouts of alone time. Like I had like a two-year dating romantic sabbatical. I was like – or sabbatical? That's where we take time off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hiatus? Yeah. Hiatus. Sorry. Bye, man. It's like not sabbatical. Um, I just disappeared off the face of the planet.

38:45Like, there was a while where I was like, whoa, I'm broken. Like, I'm a broken, I don't want anyone. Because I was just so disturbed. Like, I was so disturbed by the places I had, like, gotten myself to and what I had, who I had chosen to love and who I loved. Like, that's the thing is that it's complicated, right? And when you're speaking about these romantic relationships and how you had said you have such empathy for, understandably, your mother who you watched in this relationship, I think about how hard it is to leave something that is – Especially when you have kids. Yes. And I know I had read in an article you had said somewhere that before your parents got divorced, things were getting very real and very adult at home.

39:35what was the breaking point for your mom to get your family out that's a really good question um i think that i think that my sister went away to college and it was just me at home which like left them with 50 less distraction you know um i was really depressed. Like, you know how sometimes there are those kids that go through like puberty and they're like, you're like, oh God, that was me. I was like, I didn't want to be awake during the night. So I would like stay up all night. I was being homeschooled. I would like just watch movies and hearkening back to the Hollywood thing. I was like, I, I'm not supposed to be here.

40:22I'm supposed to be among people who are going to understand me. And like in my mind, my like 12 year old mind, I was like, that's Hollywood because these people clearly they have an understanding for emotion. And I felt so close to these people in these movies who are making this music and it all was being done in this one big amorphous town. They're all there. Like I was like, great, fucking get me there. Like I was like, that's where I'm supposed to be as a very childlike, you know, understanding of the industry. And so I was doing this thing where I was not going to school and I was staying up all night to watch movies and because I was terrified of the nighttime because I was just like traumatized I had a hairpin trigger for any things that go bump in the night and the house was in the woods and I was like I don't know I'd always been a really anxious kid I think ever since Haley died I was just like very easily shaken and my parents were just kind alone in the house and they ran a business together and um i don't know there was there was clearly uh some form of adultery happening like where both of them were just kind of like done done done done done um and so it was it was just time like i don't know how they could have carried on honestly and did you were you sitting in that house and feeling them both kind of doing their own things oh yeah no yeah they were just a terrible terrible match just like a decade of them slowly burning out so you eventually get your dream you are sitting there you're watching these movies you're dreaming about going to this land where everyone is and everyone's getting to act and perform and do all these things and you've watched this growing up for so long and then your parents get divorced and your mom and you go to LA.

42:13And I remember reading that you were going for auditions and Disney said that you came off as dark and off-putting. That's still so funny. Girl, you are too dark for Disney. They were like, please smile. Yeah, no, they literally asked my agents to stop. Oh my God. They were like, she's, It's never going to be her. Like, give it up. But we came out and I was getting sent out on all this Disney stuff. And I remember saying to my mom, like, I don't want to do Disney because I felt like it was going to be a lifelong commitment. I felt like I had grown up watching the girls try so hard to, like, break away from it and be respected.

42:55And I knew even when I was, like, 13 or 14, I was like, this is going to be hard. Like this is going to be something really hard. That sounds so ungrateful. But like this was something before I got the opportunity that I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Because I really wanted to do movies and TV shows that felt like more adult. But for that age bracket, like there were like, you know, you play the daughter of so-and-so. But it also makes sense. And I get what you're saying. You're grateful. But you're also – this whole conversation we've been talking about how you've always felt older than your age.

43:26That was the other thing. Right. So you're like Disney. Like I've been watching these movies and I'm seeing myself in this older light and then to do Disney. And again, Disney was established at this point, right? Like remembering when Hannah Montana came out, like that was new. Everyone didn't know that this could become this whole format. Hillary Duff, right? When you came into it, you had these people that you could look at and there was a blueprint essentially laid out of like, now we're watching these people try to grow out of this persona and there was a whole stigma around it there was a whole like like people would write articles about like so and so gets a tattoo to be a bad girl and i was like i was like i'm already i already have a tattoo like i was like i was like fuck fuck fuck like i've been around the weed smoking i have the tattoo i was like yes i was like there's no part of me that is like sheltered you know and i also was like i didn't think i could be funny at the time like i i perceived myself already as like too dark and two whatever for Disney everybody with my life had been insane like I was just not I was not gonna be the girl who came off like fresh faced off the the you know the uh the what is that like the the Greyhound bus yes being like here I am not like it was not a charming story I was like here because I was deeply disturbed yeah I was already deeply disturbed and so I was like they're never gonna pick me like fucking okay they did so Liv and Maddie then you get the show yeah they called me and they were like nine months after we shot the original pilot they were like hey your show's getting picked up i'll see you on monday like but by the way you're playing twins you're like cool oh no i was like i was on the 405 or something my and it was like they called from like an anonymous number which they always do like they call from this like no caller id oh my god like the disney pentagon literally yeah and it was like my mom's cell phone at the time and it was like no caller id and we were on the 405 and we were like oh my god you know because we were like we were like we had my mom was melting down gold to pay for our rent like based on her own personal jewelry because she was a jeweler not because she had loads of gold right um and so we were like oh my god it was like the call that changed our lives yeah um and i took it and it was just such a beautiful experience like to hearken back to the thing where i sound like massively ungrateful disney disney was some of the most fun and joyful times of my life.

45:48Like I, I had a great fucking time on Disney Channel, which is why like, you'll see me talking about it still because I'm not, I know what it was. I know that that's not who I am. I know that it was like a thing that I did when I was a kid and when I was a teenager. And it's something that like, I look back on and I appreciate it for what it is. Like we recently rewatched all the Descendants films and I was like, these fucking movies are so insane that like i can't believe they got away with it like like cgi dragons and like it's like a it's like one long acid trip for kids like you know what i mean like i was i'm behind it i love it it's beautiful though that you're able to enjoy it because again i think maybe because of i don't know why like maybe like you said like seeing people in the comments and still remembering it I think it's okay that like it's like that was a version of you and I think sometimes understandably we try to grow up quickly and we're like I don't want to be my younger version of myself but how beautiful that that was such a huge part in your life and don't forget like you just said that you and your mom on the 405 and you needed this job and it changed your life yeah oh my god Disney really like changed my whole fucking life and they supported me so much too like that was really the thing I had great relationships in there like Like, you know, there was the thing that, like, is very expected, which is just, like, I came into Disney, yes, with a tattoo at 14.

47:12And I was, you know, swearing as much as I swear now. And I was a full adult. And I had all this trauma. Like, full adult. But, like, you know, for that age, yes. And I had all this trauma. And basically, they were, like, in, like, the friendliest way possible. They were, like, okay, so we love you. You're not relatable. and I was like perfect right that's fair and I believe you and so like they did everything they could to make me more relatable like god bless them they were like they were like uh so we want to make like a music video and have your best friend in it but like you know they wanted to make me more like I guess age appropriate um and so they did that um they were always very upfront about communicating about that and I was very team player with like when I would do interviews you know I would give the answer that you would give if you were talking to kids like that's really the thing that I think a lot of people get confused about with like who I was when I was on Disney and who I am now.

48:06They're like, there's a crazy contrast. And it's like, but no, because I walked into this contract being like, I'm on a children's network. Right. You knew the formula. If I went on and did an interview for Tiger Beat or Teen Vogue and I was talking like how I do now where I'm like, oh, fuck you. Like that would be stupid and also inappropriate. Like I'm 30 now. I can do it now. I could do it when I was 25 and forward. It's like I am no longer on a children's network, even though they're syndicated forever. Of course. But it's like I think people think that it was like this crazy switch up when in fact I was just like a good employee.

48:42This is the job. This is the job. Yeah. It was never a lie. I'm just like not going to swear or be naked or like I remember the first time I posted a picture in a bikini and like the internet lost their minds. And I was like, okay, not yet. Yeah. They're like, never mind. We're not there yet. See you in four years. Yeah, really. We'll try again next year. Really, which is why, like, it's funny because I still sometimes get asked about, like, how did you break out of your Disney role? Or there she goes, trying to break out of her Disney role. And I'm like, I literally, I actually, I think I try super, I wouldn't say super hard, but, like, I have no interest in bursting any sort of Disney bubble because I truly believe, like, that's over there.

49:23And those shows and movies live on forever. that's not me and I'm over here doing this and they don't really cross for me and so I don't have any like desire to burst any balloons or illusions I also think like there I see so much like someone will bring up like a song that I've released and they'll be like that's Dove Cameron and I'm like great so this these people are over here knowing this and these people are over here knowing this and that's okay you've grown and you've evolved and you've changed you have the version of me that you want. Absolutely. That's for you.

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53:19Whatever you're craving, Stouffer's is your hot, delicious, easy meal fantasy. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. You can see all the delicious options at stouffers.com. When you were on Disney, obviously moving to Los Angeles, kind of also circling back to the conversation of you move away from home did you have a relationship with your father when you moved to LA and got this role that is a very good question and a very complicated answer my dad and I so my parents had split but not not for very long before we moved to LA and we my mom lived in like the tiniest apartment on Bainbridge and my dad still lived in our family home and I wanted to go live with my mom in the new apartment because it was like really close to the ferry boat and if I'm being honest I could sneak out of the house and go see my friends like I was like sliding screen door it was it was in like our little like town area you know um so I was staying there a lot uh and I think probably retroactively like my dad felt like I was taking my mom's side but then my sister kind of came home from college because she was like I don't love this college.

54:34I want to be home. And there was a day where I was in my room at the family home asleep. And I was 13, 12, 13, like right before I moved to LA. And my dad wanted me and my sister to like come eat breakfast in bed and listen to the radio or watch a movie or something, which like we were a very cuddly household. Like it was very like come down in your PJs and be half asleep. And like I made eggs kind of thing. And he was like, Chloe, come down. And I was like, no, I'm sleeping. You know, whatever 12 year old answer you give. And he was like, you can be sleepy. Just like come down and be sleepy down here because you're never here.

55:20So like come be with us. And I was like, OK. And I came downstairs and I got in the huge bed and I went to sleep and I got woken up because he had thrown me out of the bed.

55:33And he was starting on some monologue about like, you're so ungrateful. You don't even want to be here. You are trying everything you can to get away from me. Like, get out, get out of the house. And I think that was a really important moment for me because I had finally had it confirmed for me that I was not the thing that was making my dad upset. Because when I was younger, I really, really blamed myself for any time my dad would get upset. It was my fault. That's what you naturally think as a kid. And in this situation, I was asleep, right? I don't think I've ever told this story, actually.

56:21I don't know. I can't remember. But it sounds like nothing. But for me, it was a really big deal because I was woken up literally by like hitting the floor and hearing all these things. And so my brain was able to like through adrenaline process like I couldn't have done anything to cause this because I was asleep. He told me I could come down and be asleep. This is all happening in his brain. And so I, rather than leaving, I went upstairs to my room. I packed a little stupid bag of like any suitcase that I had. And I was like, whatever 12 year old language I had that was the equivalent of like, actually fuck you.

57:00And I went downstairs and I called my mom on my like$20 flip phone that I had because I went to theater camp and I had to like be, I had to call them. I didn't have, you know, but I called her and I was out sitting on my suitcase and my dad came out and was like, wait, no, sorry, sorry. And I was like, no, absolutely not. Like, I'm cool on this. I'm good on this. I'm not going to be talked to like that. I think I remember saying something to him that like, I wish I didn't say, but was like, you know, like we're blood, we're family, but like, I didn't choose to love you. And like, I choose to separate from you.

57:42because this is not healthy for me. You don't do it to mom. You don't do it to Claire. And clearly I'm not doing anything to cause it. So like I'm not going to be your outlet. And so I went to go live with my mom. And then when we finally, I finally convinced her to move to LA, like the crazy, you know, 12, 13 that I was, I was like, you're not going to start over again. Like you just got divorced. Like, you know, there's so many more job opportunities and I love making shit up, right? I was like, please. You know, we said goodbye. We were like, we're just going to do this for six months and then we're going to come back.

58:20Like my dad was super concerned about, he was like, I'm really scared Hollywood's going to chew you up and spit you out, like whatever idiom he used. And I was like, no, dad, I'm going to be fine. And then I started booking things and my dad came out to LA to visit because he had some like a trade show to do because they were wholesalers and so he brought like all of his stuff out and he stayed on our floor because again not really making any money and he stayed on like a blow-up mattress and I remember I think I have spoken about this but I came out to be like like snuggle him and say good night and he like rolled over and turned his back and was like good night Chloe like I I think you should go to bed and I was like something bad's going on there but like I genuinely I thought it was my fault like I genuinely just thought I had upset him by moving to LA like I didn't know what was happening or that he was like purposefully distancing himself in that way so I went to bed and I tried my very best to like spend extra time with him and like lots of hugs, lots of kisses, lots of like, you okay?

59:38Like kind of stuff. And then he went back to Washington and it couldn't have been that many months after that, that we got the call that he had, yeah, taken his life. yeah so it was a bit of a like a blurry weird time to say the least i'm so sorry because even hearing from the bed incident to then you trying to connect with your father like there was so much clearly between the two of you how you're describing it never really happened to your mom and your sister where you really were yeah putting out bids for connection with him yeah and in moments he would take it in moments he wasn't capable right of taking it because of where he was at mentally yeah um yeah you were always in the same place mentally yeah so you were always waiting and it kind of was always on his timeline and it was that's true right yeah i've never thought about it like you were there always waiting for your dad and sometimes he would show up oh my god I'm gonna cry now and sometimes he wouldn't and so to have that last moment with him where you really tried and then to get that call I I can't even imagine who who did you get the call or did you mom like how did you handle that um thank you for that by the way because I actually very rarely have people be able to tell me something new that I haven't thought about so that's really like really helps me put it into perspective thank you um because that's so the feeling right and it's like it's actually really hard to articulate that um so thank you um you were the constant yeah yeah which is exhausting yeah and I think like you you know that's something that I really like I'm really happy that I grew out of um but it still shows up for me thematically so like you kind of synthesizing that for me so perfectly is going to help me be able to tackle that is like not always feeling like it's my job to be the constant um yeah that's a good one like the constant 2026 stop being the constant be inconsistent no give them nothing yeah exactly yeah you'd be the fucking constant yeah i don't know how to do that um no but basic shit yeah Yeah, dude.

1:02:05Bring it back. Shit. We found out in a really weird kind of layered way because, again, tight-knit community. There was a woman who was like a kind of a, like a linchpin, like a sort of a connection between my mom and my dad who knew the whole family. And she had messaged me on Facebook. Like, that's how long ago this was. and she was like she'd never messaged me before right um and she goes hey is your mom around and i was like stomach sank and i just knew i can't tell you why i knew um but it was not a normal interaction she had no reason to be talking to me i was however i was 15 you know um at this point

1:03:05and when I responded like no but she's gonna be home soon and she said okay and then it was like typing went away typing went away and she was like uh please tell her to reach out to her brother or something like that like please tell her to it wasn't called her that person it was like someone in the family and my my childhood best friend at the time my other childhood best friend carla was living with me and we were like watching cartoons and i was like oh my god i'm gonna remember this moment forever is the moment that my dad died and we were in my bed laughing watching cartoons um and my mom came home and she talked to her brother um and she put him on speaker um done.

1:03:55And he was really breathless and like sounded like, you know, he was running, but I'm sure he was just like having a panic attack. And he was like, I just went to the house. I can't even remember what he said before he said the last bit, but Phil is no longer with us.

1:04:19and I had a panic attack like I don't know like I had a panic attack because I it's the most out of control feeling you can have is like the phone call and actually all three of my big losses have come via phone call you know like which I guess is pretty standard because like what's you're gonna have it happen in front of you it's a different thing um but i have like uh yeah major phone anxiety i think because of stuff like this um not to like get off topic but i it's such a alien thing to learn about something so like there's a before this and then there's an after this over the phone and like what the fuck is he going to tell us like what how is he going to phrase that in a way that like he can get through and then my mom having to like look to me and then my best friend who's there living with us looking to me and I'm looking at them and like I I think I ran out of the room I think I like I couldn't breathe like you have the brain just breaks like that's really the thing they don't tell you about trauma and actually like I think that's part of um like people people when they watch movies, I think they get so accustomed to like, oh, when someone dies, you're like, oh my God, they pass.

1:05:41You go into this like animal mode. Like you are fight, flight, or freeze. You feel like you're going to vomit your soul. Like, I don't know how else to describe it. It's like this horrible, inexpressible, fiery, painful, knife-like thing. And all you're trying to do is like purge it, purge it, purge it, and it's impossible to purge. I think that feeling is, again, like something a lot of people are going to relate to because I think like, yes, death is inevitable, but you've experienced such sudden and unexpected loss that I'm not saying one or the other is easier. It's just when something happens so unexpected, like there is the shock and grief that are warped and wrapped together and not having time to say goodbye and my god the worst oh like you're you're riddled with like so many emotions that you don't even know which one to tap into so then you're just like you just you're just there you're just there and you're existing and it's a horrible feeling in the days and and weeks um after you got this news what do you think for you was the hardest thing to wrap your head around

1:07:05um honestly the way it happened like because he took his own life and um i i wanted like i kept imagining because no one would tell me how he did it like i know that's really morbid but i i think i wanted to know i needed to know And then it was worse when I knew and they were right. But like I wouldn't, I would have, I was torturing myself like trying to imagine. And like I think honestly, and I'm going to honestly try to stop crying because it's like it's a lot. But I think honestly like the thing that still plagues me, like the thing that I'm still like. because I can mostly for the most part talk about my life with a sort of a distance at this point like I can be like this is what happened this is how old I was this is how I processed it this is the good things that came out of it this is how it evolved me in this way this is what I can be grateful for whatever like I have enough distance and also the body and the brain just shut down like I don't know if anybody who's listening to this can attest or relate to the fact that like the body does not want to process everything at once and so sometimes like your emotions the valves just don't feel like they're on so like I can talk about this like it happened to someone else um but sometimes the thing that like like I really wake up in the middle of the night like a like catch my breath kind of thing is is just imagining like his final moments alone where he was like, do I do it or not, you know?

1:08:42And, like, he didn't even know, you know, like, what's that thought process like or, like, you know, did he think, like, if someone had called, if, you know? It's that kind of thing where you're just like, could it have been different and what did that feel like for him and did he know how loved he was? Did he feel loved? Was he mentally there? Dude, it's fucking, it's fucked, dude. It's really fucked. And I joke about my trauma because it's like, what else are you going to do? But like, oh God, it's really the thing that like, it's really the thing that it really brings you back to earth and to what matters and like it puts everything into perspective because I am so marked by death and I'm so marked by loss and there's a big part of that that I really appreciate because I feel closer to the people that I love and I love differently and I live my life differently and I'm not so scared about things that I might be scared about had I not had like the, you know, the comparison of the Mount Everest of loss, right?

1:10:02Like, I, um, there's beautiful things that come out of everything. Does that mean that I wouldn't change them or take them all back? Like, no, I would much rather have these things had not happened, like have had these things not happen. Um, but, but I, I do think that like, you know, part of the things that I really love about myself and my life now are marked by just the sort of deepening that happens with grief and like the level of fascination and love and appreciation and bonding that I have with humans in general like I think it's given me a kind of a a comfortability with with strangers and with people that I truly don't know or have no context of like I think that there's a certain like veil that drops when you realize how deep how deeply humans can feel pain like to to know that there is someone that you look at like a hero or a complex character and and someone that you love and you worship the fact that they can be so sad and so lonely and so empty that they make the, you know, the ultimate decision is, is something that it just, everybody's so fragile.

1:11:25And I really walk around the world feeling that way. Right. I agree. And I also think that's why, like, even speaking to you right now, it's like, why I'm so appreciative of my job is like, I get to sit with people like you who I only have had at one point the privilege of watching on tv or listening to your music and you can get so much from it and and we're going to get to all of it in the new show and all of it but what i think makes you then feel more connected to those people especially with the internet now is like when people do have the strength to share these kind of things this isn't easy like we're not like sitting here and it's like oh this is let's just tell this story so people can get to know you better it's like i'm also crying because i'm like this is bringing up stuff for me right and it's like we're all so connected when you're saying these things it's like everyone watching this will will yes feel more connected to you but also it's therapeutic to hear other people talk about the heavy fucking shit because we do convince ourselves in moments that maybe this is an isolated experience and maybe this is and yes all of our experiences are unique to us but the themes and what it brings up and the emotions that human beings experience of anger and loneliness and grief and happiness and all the things we all go through it so it's um it's helpful sometimes to talk through things because you are on it at a different place in your life right now when you're speaking about it right like i said if i interview you in five years from now we may have a different conversation about this because you're going to live and you're going to experience and you're going to meet more people and you're going to then have a different perspective on life but um to kind of close out that chapter because i think loss is something that people don't talk about enough and i do think the way they completely agree right and the way you just talked about it I literally felt like I was just sitting with my friend because I've had I've had conversations like this of the what ifs and had they not or what would have and all these things.

1:13:43This is the real shit. And I get movies have to do it a specific way. But this is this is it. This is years later. And this is how we're feeling here. And we're still grieving and grieving isn't for a year and you're done. Like, oh, dude, it's forever. It's forever. It's forever. Yeah. You legally changed your name. Yeah. from Chloe to Dove. And from what I can understand, you tell the story, but the why and where did Dove come from? My dad used to call me Dove as a nickname when I was a kid. Dovey and like, you know, little stupid things like that. It was never like, like he would, there was, when I was really young, I think it was more of a thing than when I got older, but it was something that like always felt, you know, like a me and him thing, like personal, sweet, intimate.

1:14:31And so I think when I got older, I just wanted to feel like even before he passed, I was wanting to feel that connection with him. I was wanting to feel like his daughter. I was wanting a piece of him. And so I did that in honor of him and to feel more like everywhere I went, everyone was calling me what he used to call me.

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1:17:03okay shifting the conversation a little bit let's get into it you referenced how all of these things obviously can impact your romantic relationships and i obviously know that there's a little well a big um ring on your finger you are recently engaged yes i need to know how through all of the experiences and whether toxic or traumatic or just not the right fit how did you know he was the one oh god um i knew really early okay i knew like way too early um i wrote a song about that too i was like like i hadn't even told him i loved him when i was like this is probably like if he's not the person I end up marrying that's gonna like really break my heart because my body and my mind and everything feels like that's what this is um so I was like super freaked out about that like naturally I was like shit yeah I really was I was uneasy um I was really uneasy and he also was in a very different place in his life like he was not um I think he would feel comfortable with me saying he was not the happiest.

1:18:26You know, he was struggling emotionally and everything wise. And so he was also not like matching my level of like, oh, this feels like something really special. He was still like kind of an enigma. You know what I mean? Like he was kind of behind layers of glass, but I was like, I just have this feeling that whoever's behind these layers of glass is going to be someone very important to my life. And so we started dating in the most ridiculous way. We met at the VMAs, which is like the stupidest way you can meet your partner. Not because the VMAs are stupid, but because it's like one night only.

1:19:10Like it sounds like a book, like a fan fiction, you know, like it's like we ran into each other in passing and it was like, it's so stupid. It's so dumb. And then what did you do? Just like get each other's number no okay here's something i want to go on the record oh let's go on the record and i want to clarify a couple things all right we're done crying with time to be yeah well let's go let's go it's time to be serious so we met for i have to say if i were to accurately estimate 14 seconds at the most okay at the 20 you go i'm literally she's like she's like i'm tapping in I'm tapping it. I'm getting rid of my tears.

1:19:47I'm drying your eyes, getting rid of the salt water. I would say it couldn't have been more than 14 or 15 seconds at the 2022 VMAs. They, he is in a band called Maneskin and they were up for an award. I was up for the same award. What you do cordially is whoever wins after you go like, congrats, dude. So I won. And so we're backstage and the backstage is very small. It is, it is the size of like a fucking, I don't know. It's like, I don't know what to compare it to. What accent are we going into right now? If I say what it is, everyone's going to tell me it's not that. So it's East Coast. Just go with it.

1:20:21East Coast. Okay, okay. So fucking. It's a small area. Like it's like the size of like. It's tiny. Like in front of a movie. Like in front of a movie theater like the concession stand. Yes. It's like that and like a little bit of standing room. And that's how small it is. It's small. You've seen it. We're rubbing shoulders. It's small back there. Tiny. We're rubbing shoulders and there's four of them. So I just won the award. I'm like, oh my God, I want a VMA. I come backstage and they're naturally like, nice to meet you. Congrats. And I actually spoke with Victoria, his bassist, and she was like, congrats, girl.

1:20:53And I was like, yes, girl. Like, you're amazing. And then Ethan and Thomas were like, congrats. And then Damiana was in the back. So he barely looked at me. And he was also not giving off friendly vibes. I was like, that guy fucking hates me. All right, swerve. I was like, going to go on with my night. Like I met a bunch of people. Everybody's like, congrats. And I was like, I didn't think about it. It was not. There's this whole conspiracy online that I locked eyes with him. And I was like, I'm biding my time. And I waited like a year and a half. And then I like struck. But that's not what happened.

1:21:27I met him. I literally met him for no time, guys. And then he was back there like this. And he was like, congrats. And I was like, oh, weird vibe. And I was like, nice to meet you. And later I learned he was just like in a really bad place. Like it had nothing to do with me. but I took it personally and I was like fucking weird. All right. Bye. Okay. And this is the other thing I have to clear up. Dun, dun. I'm like, what's the fucking like cops music? Like, dun, dun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love like the direct look to camera. You're like, hello. Listen up, ladies and gentlemen and everybody listening.

1:22:02There was this interview that they did where they were like, what celebrities have slid into your DMs? And Damiano, before I'd even like met him, I think, I don't know what the timeline was. because I don't know when they did this interview. Right. Was like Dove Cameron. And now everybody's like, she was trying for... No, no. No? I looked back because I was like, what is this? I had posted and tagged them in a video performance of them for the iHeartRadio Music Awards. And I was like, cool band. Right. And then obviously... I was like, the new queen. And then you slide... And it looks like you DM'd.

1:22:32But I think he was saying that's like sliding into the DMs. Like, I don't think he thought it was like, who's flirting with you. He was like, who tagged you? Who interacted with you? Who DM'd you? that was it. Meanwhile, people are thinking you're like, hey, babe. Well, especially because first of all, I am nothing if not practical. Even if I think someone is maybe cute. First of all, I have never slid into DMs in a flirtatious way because I'm not good over text. And also, what if I don't like you in real life? What if we have this whole thing over text and then I meet you and I'm like, I don't like you.

1:23:04Like, I'm not going to do that, you know? So like, you can look back on my text the record anytime someone has slid into my dms scene i'm not replying it's weird like catch me in real life i don't know catch me in real life let's see if we have chemistry so that didn't happen i tagged them in something and i tagged the band so is the internet like making it seem like you're like you were like obsessed with him for years not the whole internet but there's a small section of people that always bring up they're like but she did slide into his dm and i'm like no you're like guys please leave me alone i fully didn't and i also looked back because I was like, did I?

1:23:37Right. Because he said that before I like had really met him. So I was like, I must have. And it was because I had tagged them because I was so impressed by them. Of course. I was a fan of their music. And then the 2023 VMAs roll around and we had a reason to talk. And he was single and I was single and he was in a better place and I was in a better place. And he was like, I don't know if you remember me. I'm Damiano. And I was like, yeah, I remember you. Like, you're so different now. Like, he was so friendly. And then he was like, do you want to come to our show at Madison Square Garden? And I was like, yeah.

1:24:07And then we just started dating and now we're engaged. Like it's, it's so, so innocent and simple. But it's amazing. And it's so cute too. It's really, it's really cute. It's really cute that it started that way now to be like, you're fully engaged. Like it's also so like, I don't know, like meet cute. Like I look back and I'm like all the different stars that had to align to make that happen fully. It blows my mind. And it didn't just happen overnight. It was just like, like slow burn but first fully well it was just like all these different ways that we almost but then we didn't until it was right like that's what's mind-blowing to me because if i had met him before i did in a way where he was interested in me and there was an opportunity for us to be dating i would not have been ready because i was so depressed so like you weren't in a place to date no i was like celibate i was like that was the that was the um that was sabbatical hiatus that we discussed celibacy era where i was like don't touch me don't look at me don't come close to me i'm not leaving my house like i'm i was like dark night of the soul for a year and then you were ready i literally texted my friends i was like i think i'm ready to date one week later he was like nice to meet you i was like oh my god wait a minute so then give us a little tidbit how did it go down give me something okay so okay so it's actually very funny and then like very sweet okay because so i'm obsessed it's honestly it's it sends me because if you knew him this would be so so cute and funny but so he's a capricorn too okay and he is like the

1:25:55most regimented, like, by the books guy. Like, he's like, there's a way that things should be done. And if they are not done that way, then it's wrong. And so we had talked about the fact that we wanted to get married. Like, I knew it was not like this big, like, will he, won't he? Like, I knew it was coming. Because he told me. Like, he was like, I'm going to propose. And I was like, really? And he was like, 100%. so you knew yeah but he'd been telling me for a long time like i think he told me after like six months of dating that he was like i'm gonna propose but but not for a couple years and i was like great do you yeah i was like love that also i also was a little bit like maybe he won't like he says that now it's only been a couple months and then at the top of like 2024 he was like no top of 2025 we were in new york and he was like we were both like crying and he was like I want to marry you.

1:26:48And I was like, I know, me too. And he was like, no, but I want to marry you. And I was like, I know. We've spoken about this. Like, me too. Right. Same. And he was like, I want to marry you as soon as possible. And I was like, oh, okay. But like, you have to go on your world tour. And like, at the time, I was also supposed to go on my world tour. And I was like, my show is going to come out. Like, all this stuff's happening. We wouldn't be able to do it for two years. He's like, no, I think we could do it next year. And so like, all every step of the way I knew. You were speaking about this openly.

1:27:17Yeah, because I don't think that that thing in the movies is I agree. You need to. You grow up and you're like, wait. Well, and you should like be an active participant in deciding if you want to get married or like what that looks like or do your values align or talk about it all before the future. Like, do you want kids? Like, what about how do you feel about where do you want to live? Like, you cannot turn into a contract. Like, just you grow up with these movies as a girl and they're all like yeah they're like now I have to leave my apartment and it's like wait but not to say that you should always live together but you should at least experience what it's like to live with someone and you should be in my opinion you can be shocked by the moment he decides to do it but you shouldn't be shocked that he's doing it I agree because like in all these movies it's like that's my boyfriend my boyfriend oh my god he chose me and it's like no it's fucking weird I want to be in on this I did the same thing with my husband now I was like I'm ready you can do it because he had been like I'm ready when whenever you're ready and finally I turned to him at one dinner I was like you can do it I don't know I don't want to know when it's happening but you're you can do it like I'm ready and then we were both talked about it for a long time before then it happened so like I'm we're on the same page again everyone has different ideas but I'm on same page for me I just want to it's not that I don't like being surprised it's just that like yeah it's again it just feels practical it just feels adult right okay so so i know it's coming but i don't know when and he he's telling me things like oh we're starting to design the ring and i was like what does that mean like does that mean it's two weeks away does it mean it's six months away like such an amorphous concept and so i start like telling a couple of my friends like i'm going into songwriting sessions being like how is he fucking designing the ring and they're like so we're like i'm like what's the fucking plan like i'm not a girl girl like that like what are we gonna do and they and they were like you have to wear white every fucking day and i was like you're so fucking right queen like i gotta order all this fucking white and we were going on this vacation in august to pull ya did i say that right italians i really tried um and which is like a beachy italian getaway and i was like this is what's gonna happen i was like we're going away for three weeks white white exactly i was like white for breakfast he's like wow you look so somebody said the other day it's not funny someone was like wow babe you look like you're about to join a cult like it's like it is true it's so like it's so like you open your luggage bag and you're like yeah yeah dude and also impractical for a vacation like you're like everything's fucking dirty yep um but i was like trying my best like every day i was like learning how to use like bronzer like i was like i was like going in the side like doing like extra like little braids you can go back and look at my tiktok i was doing it oh my god people would be like oh yeah this is when she thought she was gonna get proposed to i was like trying trying to be girly vacation you know we're on like the one of the final nights and he goes like i know i'm not supposed to say this but i'm just a little drunk and i can't wait for you to see the ring it's like a ring for a princess and i was like so it's not here so i was like the ring's not here oh my god and so i but i didn't have a problem i was just like i want to be at least prepared you want to be looking cute i get it so all this time's going by and i'm like maybe it's this maybe he's gonna do it here and my literally like my manager who's in the other room we were like guessing being like maybe it's japan you guys love japan i was like that's true but like but he wouldn't want to do it in public.

1:30:47Like, so we're trying to crack this code, right? You're like, I have to stop wearing white. All the girls, I was like, it's getting weird. I'm wearing so much white. No, but, so all the girls were like, huh? And I was like, nah. So, again, I was not in any hurry, but it was just like, he'd been talking about it for so long that it was like a six-month period that it could have been any time, right? I got it. Okay. And so, so one day we're at home and I had said baby we talked about it like a year ago that he was like I always felt like it would be really romantic to propose like doing something normal so that it's like you know this is like our life together and I was like yeah I'm not really one for like big outlandish like again I'm a Capricorn so I'm like if you throw me a surprise party I'm gonna be like oh thank you but it's not like how I would plan it yeah and so I was like yeah something low-key I agree but like you do you like I want you to be happy yes basically we were we were packing and I was in just a big t-shirt no makeup my hair was like damp and it was so funny because he'd been finished packing of course because I was like I'm always like trying to pack like a fucking I was like I've never packed before in my life and so I'm like running around and I was in a particularly good mood and he was in the hallway like watching me run in and out of rooms like a Tasmanian devil and he wasn't moving from that spot.

1:32:13And I was like, I was like, at this point, he'd be like playing video games or like something, right? Like I'm done packing. And so I came out again and I like gave him a kiss on the cheek and he did that thing. I don't know if your partner ever does this, but you know when guys go, that look where it's like suddenly you're like, oh God. And I knew and I fucking knew. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cause I was like, I gotta go put on a dress. I gotta go do my makeup. Like I gotta do something. because I had made him promise that like at least we would we would try to take a photograph of the moment and so I like panicked and I went into the other room and I was like I like kept packing and I was like no because I because I told him I told him that I wanted to I wanted photographic evidence so like there's there's not a photographer here and I was like trying to like and he goes babe I was like oh my god oh my god because also like just right before someone proposes like your heart rate just goes through the roof and he was like can you come into the room please and I went into the living room and he got down on one knee and I dude I swear I'm not gonna cry but I started crying immediately I was like because he it was so fucking charming and sweet and kind and moving because he was like he was like I I know that some girls want like rose petals and these big extravagant things but I wanted to do it like this because I want you to know that I the reason I want to marry you is because I want this life with you I want dishes I want laundry I want normalcy I want you in your big t-shirt and you're no makeup and I want I want a life life and I choose this I choose you I hope you choose me I hope you choose this and I was like you're like fuck the white dress dude I was like that's I was so I mean what more could you ask for you can't that's it's it's that's the real shit in life and of course and if you choose to do a wedding and you want to do all the pictures and that that's when that can come and if you choose that but i was so wrong because it was so it was so much more special the way that he did it and like and real yeah and that's so like who he is as a person like he's so i don't know he really is the most normal grounded beautiful smart person and like and it it's so the funniest part was at the end when i go because of course i'm like yes yes and i'm crying and he shows me the ring and i'm like gobsmacked because wow it's so beautiful i really couldn't have a perfect rose gold too like what a guy what a fucking guy perfect and at the very end i go by the way i'm I'm playing it.

1:34:48I was crying a lot. At the end, I go, wait, but you said there was going to be photographic evidence. And he picks up his phone and he's like, I was videoing. And so now we have this like minute long video of the proposal in our living room. And you see me like this and you see me shaking and him being like, oh, no, it's too big. And I'm like, it's OK. They're always too big. Like, it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful, too, because, again, I think every couple like Like, he knows you and you know him. And so you look back on that and we, again, back to the movies, we have these specific ideas.

1:35:21And some people that actually the over the top is right. Some people the more quiet. Like, it's you need to know your person and the fact that he knows you and he listened to you. And he actually almost knew you better than yourself in that moment of exactly what you wanted. Well, he did because I was over in the other room being like, oh, God, I look like shit. And he was there being like, this is you. They choose, you know. It's so beautiful. And I'm also curious, you know, of everything we also have been talking about today. You've been through so much in your life. And I think a lot of times when you meet a partner romantically, at some point you need to share with them what you've been through and who you are and how have you been able to share with him the moments in your life that have, yes, shaped you and made you who you are in the positives and also the traumatic things that have happened to you?

1:36:18And like, how has he met you where you needed to be met, essentially? Weirdly, with ease, like I told him everything about myself that I thought was make or break or that I thought was educational or that I thought was too much pretty immediately. Like I was like, I'm not going to be anything else for you. I've done that before. Here's absolutely everything, even the things I don't want to admit to myself. Here's my mistakes. Here's the things that I wish I did differently. Here's all the loss. Here's my things I still struggle with, which is like, do you sign on for this? And he was like, yeah.

1:36:58Like he just was like, picked it up and put it on his back. Like he was, oh my God, it was so healing for me. And it continues to be, right? Because like, I'll never forget actually, this was a big important moment for me. We were watching Titanic for the first time because I don't think he'd seen it weirdly. It's like one of the classics he hadn't seen. And there's a moment at the very end when someone commits suicide. And I had forgotten about it because I hadn't seen Titanic in so long. But that happened. And I immediately, we were like lying in bed. And this was like month four, like early.

1:37:40And we'd been long distance for the first two months. And he had like his hand on my stomach and I was laying on his chest. And we were watching this and it was too early in our relationship for me to break the chill, you know, to like show true full trauma. But he just sensed my stomach go at that. And his brain went, oh, of course. And And he changed his entire posture. He didn't ask me. He pulled me in. He like, he started petting me. And then he reached up without even seeing and started to wipe away what he knew was going to be tears. And at the end of the movie, he like let the air be open to be like, do you want to talk about, do you not want to talk about that?

1:38:24And I, at the end, I was like, I want to talk about it. And he has always been so intuitive, supportive, truly like unflappable, unshakable, and so ready to, especially with this, be like, I do not know. I cannot say the words that heal. But like, he's been, he's like a big, I think I've said this before, but like a big basin for all of these things. And because he only has the interest in not carrying it for me because he knows he can't, but like loving me through it, he's never wavered. Like I've never once seen him be like, this is too much. I've seen him get frustrated when he can't help me where he's like, I wish I could lift this for you.

1:39:15And take it almost for you. Yeah. Yeah. But he's just the most evolved, beautiful young man. It really still shakes me. No, and I appreciate you sharing because I do know you guys are more private. But I think to all the people listening who've been on this journey with us today, I think when you hear and you know you've been through so much in your life and there's people that are going to be like, girl, I can relate on so many of these topics and themes. I think sometimes we can convince ourselves we – there's no way I'll find someone who can – the word would be handle this, right? Handle it.

1:39:51And what you're talking about actually, which is so beautiful, is like, no, no, you don't need to push down the grief and the sadness and the things. You actually just have to find the right person who can be there to support you through it. They're not going to solve it for you or fix it for you. and you are worthy of finding your constant and that person that's gonna be there for you, which you have found, which is so beautiful. And to everyone watching, if you haven't found that yet, it is coming. And don't shrink yourself or believe that you're too damaged or too fucked up that you can't find it.

1:40:23It's just, it really is about finding the right person that you can merge your life with that can handle that with you. Yes, yeah, I completely agree. I also think like some of my previous relationships were just bad matches. Some of them were trauma bonds and me choosing to like continue on that path and not seeing all the red flags and they were truly terrible. And so like I was looking at that as a sort of a proof that I was broken, right? Whereas and like I cannot choose love. I cannot, I cannot, I'm not worthy of a real love and I am always going to pick someone that's going to harm me, right?

1:41:02That was my narrative. And I know that's a lot of young women's narrative, women's narratives, you know, people's narratives is that like, I am too broken to not only be loved, but then accept it. And so my choices for partner are always going to be people that sort of mimic where I come from. And I won't know how to ascertain that that's what's happening until it's too late. That was what I had thought. And then I spent some time alone, and I was finally ready to date someone and when I say some time it was like two years like I spent like two and a half years being not only not dating or seeing anyone but like really working through my shit so that I felt okay being alone so that I felt like I actually don't need a partner um so it can fall into that old sort of like just when you stop looking it comes you know and it is true and it is true but I think part of that rather than like it is energetic for sure because you're like I am fulfilled and so someone's like oh I feel it feels like it's like it's a it's a vibration that attracts but it is also a bit scientific like it's it's a bit more not scientific logical because it's like I am not trying to take from you I'm not trying to make you into a shape that you're not I am simply here and if it works it works and what's more attractive than that you know thing um for me too i also feel like let's talk about your new show because there's like weirdly some themes that we've like discussed that you can like kind of tie to the show and there's there's a lot yeah so 56 days you take it away and tell the people give us a little just like what this is about so 56 days which no one realizes it's a title because they keep saying they keep thinking we're saying it comes out in 56 days.

1:42:54It's called 56 Days and it is based on the novel by the same name. It's a, I guess I would call it like a, like a pseudo sexual thriller. It is a love story. Starts out as a love story. Yeah, I was going to say. Starts out as a love story. It's a very like meet cute, like, you know, boy meets girl in the grocery store. And it's like, you go first no you go first let's go for coffee um they have this very sort of innocent chemistry they have this nice walk uh and it's like oh i do this i do this like do you want to go for a date okay very charming and then somehow between that day and 56 days later one of them ends up dead in a bathtub melted by acid casual so the whole yeah as it does as it happens obviously as all the best love stories do so basically the the show takes takes place over eight episodes and it is working in it's a dual timeline so our storyline is progressing towards day 56 and the the police who are trying to solve the case are solving it all over the course of i think like one or two days and they are retroactively solving the case so they're going we're going like this as they're we're meeting them one it's so fun and i also know you were i think you kind of talked about how you were torn like there's nudity in this yeah how did you decide you were comfortable you know it was funny it's it's something that i was always aware that i was probably going to inevitably do um i don't know why i always felt that way it wasn't like an aspiration it was just like i grew up watching these incredible actresses do nudity and i remember being like wow that's so brave and cool.

1:44:46Like that's got to be so you have to be so courageous to do that. And I know somebody in the comments is going to be like courageous. And it's like, yeah, courageous. It's so vulnerable. Like I don't think I don't think people really realize how vulnerable it is to be fully naked, period on camera, but then fully naked simulating sex on camera in a room of people like it is harrowing and for you rewind to what you said earlier of the first bikini photo you posted online people were like yeah no i thought this is crazy so it's like this to see yes as a woman to do this it is i agree courageous on top of that having the disney background having people be familiar with you in one light to then you know grow up essentially and try something more adult like it is it's it's a kind of a crazy move yeah yeah but i think i mean if it felt right then that's all that matters for you right i was like so down for it i was like i don't really have any hang-ups about my body or sexuality like i've never found nudity to be um offensive or even objectifying like i think that when people say that nudity is lewd or crass or sinful or objectified it's like I do find there's a fuck ton of internalized misogyny in that yes I don't care like I truly don't care okay no I don't care like I see a naked woman and I'm like wow what a beautiful naked woman right what a piece of art I'm not like she's cheap and herself or I'm not like oh my god and it's like all of these reactions are so for me um the reactions are actually the objectifying part right it's not it's not the actual act because naked bodies are an innocent thing.

1:46:33You are naked. You are naked under that. And you are making it weird. You are making it sexual. You are, exactly. What I will say about our show that I'm really proud of and happy with is that the sex scenes actually serve, they're much more tame, I think, than what I'm making them out to be. But they serve as a storytelling device because the sex scenes that are in the first couple episodes are not the same tone as the ones who are in, the ones that are in the following episodes and it's like you watch their dynamic shift and change in this very sort of intimate vulnerable way that is more storytelling than a lot of other devices yeah for our show the daddy gang will love this and i think also the deception as a viewer it's like so fun to be like i don't know what's happening right now and the world that was created is so interesting um And so I'm very excited for everyone to watch it and also support you.

1:47:32I think I'm sure after this interview, everyone that follows the show is going to fall even more in love with you, whether they were a big fan or they're becoming an even bigger fan today. I think it's really just exciting to hear where you've come from that young little girl wanting to get into Hollywood dealing with so much getting into Hollywood maybe you know starting on one path and then completely rebranding and getting to grow into another version of yourself that is different to the world and reintroducing that part of yourself to the world while also dealing with all of the shit that you had to deal with as a kid that then you have to conquer as an adult.

1:48:11and then meeting the love of your life and finding your partner and finding your constant and having just so many moments of human experiences that I think is really beautiful. And then now to see you as an actress, obviously, and you taking on this role, it's really, really cool to have gotten to know you today because I feel like I got to, I hope it wasn't too all over the place, but I felt like in a good way we were bouncing all around and and learning about you um as a human being not just dove cameron the person that we have seen for so many years online and on tv and it was beyond a pleasure and i know we went deep and i know we both didn't want to cry but we did and i can't thank you enough for going there oh dude i'm so pleased i'm obsessed with you you're the second love of my life yeah my best friend's out we're done 15 years of friendship over just like that no this was really cool no you're so lovely you're so smart i'm really honored i'm also like very impressed by you like and i'm not just saying that because you're right here but like i i don't know you have such a lovely energy you're clearly so kind you're so invested and you must spend so much time delving into other people's psyches and not only are you so good at it but you have this like well of effervescent energy for it, which is really generous.

1:49:37And I don't know, I was really pleased. I really I think you're wonderful. Thank you. And I am so excited to continue to follow your career and watch what you continue to do. And on a personal level, I can't wait to see if there's a wedding, whatever you share, I will be following. Engage forever, no wedding. Perfect. Done. Thank you, Dev Cameron, for coming on Color Daddy. Thank you.

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