Emma Chamberlain - Part 1 (FBF)

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. Are we ready? When is the last time you did an interview? Oh my god, not ever face-to-face. I don't think I've ever done an interview face-to-face. Okay, well let's start. Emma Chamberlain. Hi Alex Coopie. Welcome to Call Her Daddy. Coopie, oh my god, we're on like nickname terms. Emma, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much. So my first question for you is you don't do interviews yeah why are you here okay well number one Alex yes I'm a big fan like I've I've been a big fan of you forever I don't know how like I wish I knew my discovery story of you the clock honestly like don't don't drag me like I did let me tell you like I I found you and things were very sexual yeah and I learned a lot wow yeah that makes me so happy yeah so like that's how I found you I think I I was really just like looking for advice on how to be crazy but then like in turn I fell in love with you oh my god so we're just this is a big love fest it's such a love story how we're in love with each other I know

1:22quickly to give people context that are listening of our story I was thinking about this the other day so Emma and I have um we're like represented by the same agency and this was like right when I started the show like the single father era of taking the show on by myself and I was starting to have guests on and I remember my agent was like do you want to meet with Emma Chamberlain and I'm like absolutely sure we get on zoom and we zoomed for like an hour and a half and we wouldn't shut the fuck up and we won't talk about what we were talking about because it was like everything our publicist just kept being like this is off the record this is off the record this is off the record Emma don't tell her that I'm like I'm not gonna go say anything but so we just start talking but it was a weird moment because I think my brand was still very sexual yeah so we said we were gonna potentially have like a collaboration you were gonna come on it never ended up happening it just wasn't the right time then the next time we saw each other was New York Fashion Week I think that's what really like I was like I don't even care what We talk about like I need to do this because we just clicked so well.

2:25And we just like talked about so much random shit. And like we just clicked so well. Yeah, we were. It was kind of funny because we were to give people again context. It was like a 10 person dinner party. And Emma and I are in the corner while I was eating bread. You weren't because you're about to go to the Met Gala. I'm like getting a facial done and getting my toes done while I'm at the table. And we just were talking by ourselves the entire time. We just felt like life and the industry and how it's affected us. And it was like, I think that was when we're like, maybe we are eventually now ready to sit down and just converse because both of our brands have evolved.

3:00Absolutely. And it's time. Well, I think it was one of those things where, you know, I have been on the Internet for so long that people know me as a teenager. Yes. And I'm 20. I'm about to be 21, which is still literally like a child. Like I still am like prepubescent. Like I know I'm 21, but whatever. Or almost 21. but I've been really trying to grow like in the public eye in a way because I'm I can't stay a teenager in everybody's mind forever but I think I needed to do some of that work on my own before I came on here and was like let's talk about big girl stuff you're like so the gluck and I'm like Emma I tried the gluck a year ago and you guys won't believe what happened impeccable result no it's true I almost got married six times that is helpful to hear you say and we're gonna get into that like the evolution of you and then the evolution also of your brand because those are two different things and I think as creators like in a great way I think people have started to kind of peel back the layer and show people on the internet like what it is like to have an online persona versus like what is actually who you are versus that persona absolutely so here we go just like I usually do in every Call Her Daddy episode we're going all the way back okay all the way back where did you grow up so I grew up in San Bruno California which is actually where YouTube headquarters is which is ironic a little bit of foreshadowing I grew up with my parents I was an only child and when I was five we're like already getting into my drama no um when I was five my parents got divorced and my mom moved like 20 minutes away from my dad and that was actually not a super bad experience because I was so young that I just didn't really know any better I was definitely a really bored kid because I was an only child and like my parents were both like fully working parents and so I had a lot of time by myself and I was very bored a lot of the time which I think is good in retrospect I think it was good because it made me a lot more curious I would say because I didn't have a lot of distractions you know it's the Silicon Valley it's a big tech area and a lot of kids there are super smart and there's this crazy pressure to go to a really good college especially Stanford is like you know the big school there that everybody tries to go to and there's also a lot of wealthy families too and like so a lot of people assume that if you live there you're wealthy but that was not the case for me and my family at all but a lot of people there are very wealthy there's like a very big gap I would say between it's like very very very wealthy and then like very like lower middle class and like definitely an in-between for sure but not as much an in-between it felt like there was a very stark difference but I you know my dad's an artist so like I felt more on the you know lower middle class side of it which was tough but yeah did you feel like your family didn't fit in for sure we're living in a one-bedroom apartment and all my friends at school are living in these massive mansions it was tough socially I would say I didn't want to have people over that's for sure so your parents are in some of your content yeah they seem very chill how do you describe your parents so we'll start with my dad my dad is very open-minded and creative but also very wise dad this is you know this boy's the love of my life and he's like that dude's of the that's the worst dude I've ever met like he's you're like really I'm like dad what the fuck no like he's incredible dad I'm like but he's so hot dad what are you talking about No, but he like he's very open minded and very sweet and very like creative and, you know, not super controlling or super pushy or anything like that.

7:03But he also is opinionated because he has a lot of knowledge and wisdom about things. So he's not sweet and creative in the way that makes him a pushover. He'll tell me what he thinks, but he also gives me the freedom to like make the mistakes. And he's always done that. So and he never judges me, but a very, very cool man. The coolest person I know. I mean, he like paints paintings and surfs every day. And like that's his job is painting paintings and selling them and like started making YouTube videos before I did. Like he's very cool. Right. My mom is. How do I describe my mom? She's like one of the girls.

7:45You know what I mean? She's very. It's lovable. I tell her everything. like everything and I have no hesitation like she knows everything I've ever done in my whole life got it um so I'm very very close with her but we're we're more like sisters I would say like you know we used to butt heads a lot when I was growing up and you know because she's picky she's very like likes to keep the house clean and like set things folded a certain way and she's very particular about things like that very meticulous woman about everything that she does which is a very admirable quality but when you're growing up and you know you don't know how to fold a blanket properly like it can cause some problems absolutely but no we at the end of the day we're very close and even when we do fight like literal sisters like she's always there yeah i i'm really lucky that you know my parents have always been very not like traditional parents like they're very sibling like okay and i think it's because they didn't even consider themselves to be the type to be parents ever and so they had me because they wanted to but they were like we don't fit the parent mold so we're just going to do it in our own way and it's been great I know you said like it you didn't know any different but do you now looking back like how did your parents divorce affect you well you know I think in one in one way and this is no one's fault right like I'm grateful for their divorce and I'll say that before I like go in and you know it was number one what was best for them and for their happiness number two like I never saw them fight I never saw them argue they divorced before it could ever become traumatizing in that way for me and that's really mature and also they're still friends and they talk all the time I mean I'm really lucky in that way too like they get along great like they talk all the time and and they're so supportive of one another so it's not been a negative thing in that way but I will say that for one not having a relationship to look up to when you're growing up does become a little bit jarring when you're older and you're like okay I'm in my first relationship what is this supposed to look like I don't know I've never seen it did you wish you Like my relationship with my parents was so close because it wasn't there was nothing in the way of it.

10:19Right. Like each parent was not in the way of my relationship with the other parent. And also I didn't have a sibling in the way of my relationship with my parents. And listen, I think it could have been really fun to have a sibling. I don't know. I'll never know. Right. But I liked the friendship I was able to develop with my parents in the closeness. and I don't think I would have had that if I had a sibling. What do you remember about signing up for your first social media account? I had two older cousins. Well, I have two older cousins. They're three years older than me and they were like my idols, you know, growing up.

10:57And they got Snapchat and they're like, Emma, babe, it's time to download Snapchat on the iPod touch. And I was like, you got it, girls. Let's go. and so I downloaded snapchat and you know we would just send each other silly stuff back and forth um pretty soon after that instagram came out and I was like all right here we go so I downloaded that too I think my cousins told me to download that too and my first post was a picture of a mini bag of cheese it's with like some crazy ass filter on top of it and I think my caption was something like crunchy yum like what the thinking back to like the first like couple like the first year of instagram we would have like borders on our photos and like disgusting filters i mean yes you would take a picture of like your shoe and you're like an extension cord yeah and be like life's long and you're like what am i saying it was dumb shit so weird like i would i would do anything to be able to find my old instagram i don't know if i would no i would i'm like traumatized i'm like what the fuck was i posting because i was like a little older and i was like trying to be cool okay with the cute selfies yeah and those were not cute selfies those were scary and spooky what did your did your parents have any rules or guidelines when you like first started on snapchat and instagram or did they just kind of let you do whatever you wanted honestly they didn't care okay like really just never brought it up like they didn't care because were you getting in trouble as a kid like were you a good kid or I was a really good kid I had because of my anxiety as a kid I think I had a really strong conscience which is good you know what I mean I I never did anything bad without my parents finding out about it 24 hours later.

12:52Got it. So they knew that I would tell them. Like if I did something wrong, my conscience would force me to report it back to them. Got it. I don't know what that stems from. I don't know why that is. But I was very transparent with them. And so when it came to things like social media, they were like, she's not. She's not. She's just not a bad kid. Like she's just not going to do bad shit on there. And, and I did it because I just didn't even know how to do bad stuff. I'm like, I like didn't know what bad stuff was. Right. I did have a kick that just reminded me. I had a kick that I used for like just kids at school, messaging kids at school.

13:35I forgot. And then I would get like dick pics and kick. And then I got super scared. Like so fucking scared. Was that the first time you saw a penis? Yeah. Terrifying. Oh, I was so fucking great. I was like I don't actually think I am sexually attracted to anything you're like I do I do not know what I like but I don't like that I don't like that and so like who knows what's next isn't that so sad that like it when you if you get a dick pic and that's the first penis you see like you're like not attracted to it like I was terrified it makes you scared I was scared of penises until probably like I was 16 okay like seriously like I was like I'm not scared of them but I was like that is such a foreign like it was so alien to me yeah because I didn't have siblings so it's not like I had a little brother where like I like saw him growing up and like I saw a boy like exist I didn't have a lot of guy friends like so to me like a penis I was like I I can't I don't know what that is I get scared me

14:43everybody that listens to my show knows that i was obsessed with hannah montana growing up same okay because i was gonna ask you i'm like who were you idolizing and watching when you were growing up that you were obsessed with well i have to give a few from the years give it okay my first youtube obsession was fred do you remember fred oh my iconic iconic i completely forgot about that well I like got on YouTube super young too because like you know my dad was into YouTube he was writing singing covers on YouTube when it first came out and so he found out about it and was like Emma this is great and we didn't have cable so he's like here you go little one you know you don't get cable but you do get this babe enjoy it's a pretty good trade no it was great I loved it so I got super into YouTube super young loved Fred then as I grew a little bit older it was Jonas Brothers for me in Hannah Montana which one was your favorite it kind of teetered between Nick and Joe sorry Kevin honestly Kevin's Kevin's coming back no Kevin he's a fucking angel he deserved he deserved more he did he did have you ever met them I met I've met Joe I went to the Hannah Montana concert where it was like half Hannah Montana half the Miley show and I remember the Jonas Brothers opened for them and I remember my dad being like I promise you in like a year everyone's gonna be obsessed with these guys and i was like no and then i was obsessed in a year i was like i love them and then when like nick had the diabetes thing we were all like devastated and everyone was obsessed and it was like we were like we will do anything to save him anything like it was so dramatic no i know okay so you had jonas brothers you liked miley i loved hannah montana miley all of that um okay i have to bring this up because it's so fucking funny okay um but like when i was like 12 13 and vine came out i was a huge magcon girl okay that's okay no it hurts wait why explain to why does it hurt yeah well you know let's let's explain this for people who don't know what magcon is basically there was a group of really hot well okay it's creepy to say that they're hot now that i'm 20 no it's okay but like at the time i thought they were the hottest guys i'd ever seen they were on vine doing absolutely nothing of substance right right which is fine you know like that's not their fault right um it's exactly like tiktok it's basically it was like a group of like really good looking kids that were on vine that were famous and they would like go on tours and do meet and greets and like meet all their young girl fans and like you know do weird shit on stage that made no sense because they really if you think about it didn't necessarily have some sort of talent except for actually sean mendez was in madcon and he is like now sean mendez so like it worked out for some of them it was like cameron dallas and like nash greer you know what i mean i remember that yes i was obsessed with them like i and they had youtube channels and i would re-watch their videos like every night before bed and i was like one day like i'll meet a madcon boy and i'll be able to just date one of them they'll fall in love with me and like i was i think that's how a lot of people felt though oh for sure yeah but i will say that it's like my crushes as a young person were all consuming like they were not like cute little mini crushes like I was obsessed fiening for that I was fiening I don't it was weird like in retrospect I don't it's so out of character right like people would not assume that of me but I've always been somebody that like when I have a crush on so I'm not creepy I don't like stalk anybody but it is all consuming for me I get that because then you go spiral down like you watch every youtube video and you watch every single possible thing that you consume of them like interviews and everything everything and then you're invested in their life yeah and they don't even know who you are no well now they probably do um let's talk high school yeah you go to a private school yeah i've seen the videos you're you're wearing a plaid skirt sort of plaid it was it was i don't even fucking want to think about it i describe your high school so i had an interesting experience uh with high school because basically i was a really academically driven student okay and so i was obsessed with the idea of going to a super prestigious college and i was willing to do anything to get there and so when it came time to choose what high school i was going to go to the public schools in my area were not great and I wanted to go to that I wanted to go to a braggy you know super prestigious like you know impressive school and I was like I can't get that if I go to these public schools so I was like mom and dad I want to go to a private school and I went and I toured this all girls catholic school that had a really great education and I was like you know this could actually be good I really liked the environment when I toured the school and I was able to get financial aid so that I could financially go there because I would not have been able to afford it otherwise and so there I went I went to all girls Catholic school um and I hated it after the first year and I was like I made a big fucking mistake and I haven't seen a boy in a long time and I now All those dick pics on kick.

20:11Suddenly I'm trying to fucking hack back into my kick to see those dick pics. Guys, anything. When you. So when you started high school, that's interesting to know. You did have college goals. Oh, yeah. Where did you want to go? I. My dream school was Columbia, which was like not going to fucking happen. But like, you know, actually, I mean, I was a good student. Like, I don't know how I was a good student. OK, why? I like just knew how to do school for whatever reason. And so I got really good grades, like always above a 4.0 every year. Listen, I don't fucking know how it's possible. Okay, it was flex.

20:49I was like really just, and I don't think that school is a great measure of intelligence. I'll be the first one to say it because I'm a fucking idiot in a lot of areas. So like whatever, but I was good at school. So I was like, I'm going to use this. And, you know, I wanted to go into the medical field. Like I wanted to be an anesthesiologist. wow but like on what basis one time i had anesthesia when i had a surgery and the anesthesiologist i see i can't even fucking pronounce the word of that okay no it's you sounds good whatever it sounds good enough yeah it is i dropped out of high school so it's fine that i don't know how to pronounce it okay like i didn't finish my education so you can't expect too much from me like i got a surgery once and was like oh this job seems chill and then i looked up how much they make a year and i was like oh this job's super chill this is a good this is a good chill You have to go to school for like 11 years, but like.

21:39Eventually you'll get that check. Why not? When did you have your first kiss? Like if you're not with boys, like when did you have your first kiss? I had my first kiss freshman year on New Year's Eve. That's kind of cute. No. Oh. It was not cute. No. Actually, you know, in retrospect, it was fine. Like it could have been a lot worse. Okay. But it was pretty bad. How did you meet the guy then if you were at an old girl school? Basically, the all girls school had a corresponding all boys school. Yep. Right. And so we would kind of party with the boys from the all boys school. And they had friends that they knew from middle school that were at other like co-ed schools.

22:22And then we knew other girls that went to other co-ed schools. So it kind of all like congealed. But I think that the thing that made it possible for the boys and girls to be together was the fact that both boy and girl schools were desperate for each other. you know what i mean yeah so and and you know there was like a distinct like okay this is the corresponding boy school so it was like we didn't see each other every day but at football games we'd see each other and prom and things like that anyway i actually ended up kissing a guy from like a school that was probably 30 minutes away um that like came to a new year's party that we were throwing right the two schools and it was extremely set up those are the worst you know it was like oh he's outside waiting now okay but you also have to like can we paint a picture like I was a super late bloomer I mean I had like no boobs like I looked really young like it was like I looked super young yeah I always have I even now look kind of young a lot of people think I look young now so I felt super also I never felt like mature enough for like this type of behavior you know what I mean because mentally I felt mature enough but physically I didn't I felt like I didn't fit the super feminine mold right where you like have like boobs and like you know you wear like a low top and like you whatever I could not participate in that so I felt so uncomfortable when it was time to do anything with boys because I was like I want to and like I mentally feel ready but outwardly I don't feel like I look ready and I feel insecure of my appearance even though I know that in my brain like I'm ready and that I like love boys and in fact I'm like quite obsessed with boys like but I didn't feel like I looked that way what were you most insecure about appearance wise I was super insecure about my boobs because which now I'm like I love having small boobs like it's the best thing ever like I don't care but you know when I was younger I like didn't have any boobs like it wasn't just like oh they're no they're flat and you know guys in middle school used to give me a hard fucking time about that so mean like calling me you know like a door like whatever like shit like that and um which is fine like whatever i'm friends with those kids now like i forgive um but you know it's good to it's good to be forgiving but i also like didn't get my period until i was 16 and i felt like i wasn't a woman without it you know i was like

25:25you start making videos at one point in high school. Yes. And when I was growing up, I was familiar with having a camera in my face because my dad is in the TV industry. Yes. And so every single Christmas or birthday, there's cameras everywhere in my house. And so naturally, I knew I was the star. And I know that's cringe. No, it's not great. I was like, dad, Cue the cam. Here I come. I'm meant to be right here. What do you remember about your early performances on a camera? Well, I was always really obsessed with YouTube because, as I mentioned earlier, I didn't have cable. And so I watched a lot of YouTube.

26:05And when I was, like, in fifth grade, I tried to make a YouTube video on my iPad. I wish we could watch it. I wish we could watch it so bad. I need to find that iPad because it has so much good shit on it. But my cousins and I were constant, like we were constantly making little videos during family vacations, during, you know, holidays, like whatever, constantly making little videos. Like there were these iMovie trailer templates that you could use so you could make like a movie trailer. But iMovie provided the template. So all you had to do is like film little things and then they would plug it in for you.

26:41And so we would do those all the time. So I was familiar and comfortable in that sense where, you know, my cousins and I were always obsessed. There is a big difference between recording something and then pressing upload on that. Like you got to have balls to press upload for sure. What compelled you to press upload on your first YouTube video? Well, my first YouTube video ever, I was in fifth grade and I was like, I don't care. I don't I didn't even want to, like, be famous. Like I never thought I could like get any like recognition from it. I, to this day, I, I've always like looked at fame as an impossible thing.

27:20So I was like, I'm not going to become famous from this, but I was like, even just like a few people commenting will make me feel good post. And then of course, like nothing happened. And then I deleted it like a week later. That was my very first one. But then the, you know, when I was 16 and I uploaded, I honestly just, I was in such a shitty spot that I was like I have nothing to lose like I'm so depressed I'm so unhappy I like I want to do something that makes me feel good and YouTube has always made me feel good so I'm I'm just gonna post on there did anyone from your high school when they saw that make fun of you or like say anything mean behind my back yes but never to my face and I heard about people saying shit behind my back but it's like like what were they saying they were just like does she really think anything's gonna come of that which is you know what no listen fair enough like if i would have seen someone from my high school posting on youtube i number one i would have said the same thing about them i would have been like really like what's gonna come on you guys like it's not easy but on the other hand i was even saying that to myself it wasn't like people were it wasn't like I was posting YouTube videos being like I'm gonna make it big one day you know I was posting videos like this is just a hobby for me and like even if I just get 100 subscribers like that's fun like I just a little community and also I enjoy making the videos I enjoy the process of it so what happened after I pressed upload was more just like well at least it lives somewhere when did you go viral so about about like two or three months after I started that's crazy it was you know in in it was crazy but I also think that a big reason for that was I was uploading every fucking day like I was uploading every single day during the summer and by the end of the summer I had like something like 50 videos and so I had such a collection already that it was easy it didn't take as long because I was grinding I mean every day I was like I need to make a video every day and then I ended up cutting it down and I was like three days a week and then I cut it down two days a week and then I cut it down one day a week but it was like in the beginning I started and I was like I just want to get as good at this as I can as quickly as fucking possible and then when that one video did really well I was like it was this video where I went to the dollar store and I bought a bunch of like random shit and did like a fake haul like I was kind of like kidding around doing a haul and I was really proud of the video and it like after two weeks it had like half a million views or something or maybe it was like it had a hundred thousand views after like yeah and what it when that was happening what were you doing like were you telling your parents what were you my parents my dad was like super interested he was like I think you could really do something with this actually and I was like okay I don't but thanks dad I was like dad like that is like one in a trillion like why are we why are we let's not go there because I'm just gonna get disappointed you know but he's like I don't know I'm like I think if you really get good at this like something could come of it when all of a sudden like so many people are watching you're like I actually cannot comprehend this number of people I can't comprehend the fact that all of a sudden now I'm making money you know I can't comprehend any part of this so I'm just gonna go robot mode and like just like I you know you stop at a certain point you stop processing it it's it's a really weird thing to try to explain too because it's not like you're a singer where you're like filling a stadium for a concert so you're like making these things and pressing upload and then going to bed and like Yet it's crazy to see that number, but it still doesn't fully register that like, whoa, like half a million people just watched that video.

31:17Yeah. It feels strange. It's like a different metric in your brain. Yeah. Like it's like you're looking at it in a different, you're not looking at it as real people, but you're also not looking at it as just a number. There's this like weird in between way that your brain processes it. Yeah. But it's it's kind of I think I knew subconsciously that if I looked into it too deeply and I thought about it too deeply that I'd psych myself out, fuck myself over and ruin the whole thing. So I was like, I'm not going to think I'm just going to just tunnel vision, keep going. and like I did that up until probably the last three months when and it has been really uncomfortable when when you really like wake up and realize like oh shit this is the situation it's like I finally turned off my tunnel vision and it felt like everything was like that had been building for four years was now right in front of me and I had never looked at it you know what I mean yes and we're gonna get into that because yes but first yes why did you drop out of high school so the summer of sophomore year I started my YouTube channel because I was depressed and I was like my dad was like you need a hobby I said okay so I started my channel and by the end of the summer you know I was making money and I was like and I've never made money you know and I was like oh shit okay this is actually pretty serious you know and I was loving it and people at school were like respecting me because I had they weren't being an asshole anymore some people still were but you know people were like excited for me and I was excited and junior year I was like okay I this is the year I take hard classes so I was taking like three AP classes and long story short it just was so I couldn't do school work and YouTube but I was like obviously school work is more important so I was like okay I'll just drop some of my classes and take easier classes but then YouTube kept building and I was like I already took all the like I'm just taking added shit to help me for college and I started questioning okay am I even going to go to college anyway.

33:42Now that this YouTube thing is going the way that it is, I'm making an income now. I can support myself now. All of a sudden, by the end of the summer, I was like, I actually could support myself. I don't, it changed everything. And I was like, I don't think I need to be working this hard because I don't think I'm actually going to college anymore. I might try to ride this out. And then when this doesn't work out anymore, then I can go to college. Even if I'm like 30, like who gives a fuck, you know? And so I, took one of those standardized tests and just left school like I kept basically dropping classes more and more until it got to a point where I was like I just don't need to be here because I'm not I'm number one I'm not learning anything that is necessary it was all stuff that was only really necessary for college I had already taken all of the classes that I needed to that were like normal high school level I was just doing added shit what's the point of that I was like this is stupid so I was out of there how did you tell your parents and how did they react honestly it was kind of their idea it was kind of like it was not just my idea I wasn't like mom and dad like I want to leave school they were like you're so miserable in school you know well actually at first we were thinking about homeschooling me interesting so actually that was the first idea they were like you, this is not, this structure is not working.

35:10Right. And so we toyed around with the idea of homeschooling me, but then after doing more research, uh, we were like, okay, actually just let's just cut it, cut it. Because in, in I, you know, I know that I don't recommend people drop out of school. And I think that my situation was very unique, um, because I was fortunate enough to get all of my like general high school education out of the way in the first two years and that's a really like again like it would have been irresponsible to leave if that had not been completed and I and I always I actually have never said that out loud I don't think but I I know it's kind of fun to be reckless and be like I dropped out of school like fuck it but it was it wasn't this super irrational super irresponsible I could have gone straight to college from that point that I was at got it you know so like I didn't need to it wasn't fucking me over I completed my high school credits like I was done you know what I'm saying so how did your friends react when you told them like were you close with a lot of people in high school did you have a lot of friends the first uh year and a half of high school yes but towards the end no I only really had one friend and even and she like knew everything about like she knew about how school was like affecting me negatively and how I just was depressed so like I couldn't be social you know and I couldn't deal with the ebbs and flows of friendship.

36:48I just didn't have that in my, in me. And so she understood that. And she was kind of kept up to date on like how things were evolving. But she, you know, she was like, she had other friends. Like she was, so she was just like peace. You know, everybody was just kind of like peace. I really just disappeared one day, honestly. If you could change one thing about that time in your life, what would it be?

37:14Nothing. I really, you know, I have a lot of moments in my life that I look back at and cringe at and I have a lot of moments that I regret. Like for sure. And not regret. That's actually completely the wrong word. I have a lot of moments that I'm like, damn, I would do that so differently now. But I refuse to ever even think about how I would change things because every bad experience has just made me me. do you have you ever been had one of those moments like a little jealous of that like classic college experience you see on tiktok people are at the frat parties do you ever be like okay yes what so you do is it more about like the social aspect that you kind of wish you could partake in I think the thing that I sometimes get a little bit upset about is like how quickly I had to grow up and it sounds so again like just so like Emma shut the fuck up but I don't think I realized when I left school and immediately started working how there's no leeway for me anymore you know what I mean there was no room for being a kid anymore like it was like okay no you have to get your fucking act together because you're you're saying you know that you can make a living on your own and that you're gonna make this shit work and that you're gonna make it last and that you know moving to LA is a good idea and that being friends with other you know youtubers is a good idea and you know having to do your own laundry and do your own dishes and cook for yourself and taxes like there's so many facets of it that you're like oh shit you know I didn't realize that this came with this you know by quitting school and by just going straight into being technically self-employed I was also saying that I could handle all those other things my parents were very helpful with the technical stuff but emotionally you know you there's no way to prepare college is basically four years of you to be able to fake act like an adult yes you don't really have much responsibility but you are on your own and for you it was like oh wait no you actually do have responsibility because if you don't keep uploading like you don't have a job and you didn't apply to college so like where are we going at 16 years old you become famous on the internet how did people start treating you differently I would say at first not much changed it was really interesting because yes I had a following on the internet that if you look at it you know like a hundred thousand subscribers that's a fuck ton of subscribers right but in the grand scheme of the world people didn't really they're like eh we'll see you at a million like you know this is yeah whatever my family was very skeptical like my outer family they were kind of like what is going on you know and so they didn't treat me any different but they They were definitely just like curious.

40:23A lot of people were really curious, but I didn't really have any friends. So I didn't have any friends reacting to like what was happening to me. When you say you didn't have any friends, did you feel lonely? Yes, but I really wanted once I started to, you know, turn YouTube into my job, I started to feel like I couldn't really relate to kids in my high school as well. And so I was like, you know, I would still hang out with those kids and we would have fun. And like that was fine. But there was a disconnect. And so I started looking to find people that were in this space that could be friends with me.

41:05And I ended up finding those friends and that was really awesome. So like and we didn't live near each other, but I made quite a bit of friends on the Internet that were doing the same thing. and it was nice because there was a mutual understanding and also there was no weirdness there was no questions about it there was just like a unspoken understanding that was very special at the time there's always the moment when you start getting recognized in public yeah when do you remember like the first time you got recognized so I go to Maine every summer with my family on vacation and I had like 6 ,000 subscribers when I went the summer of the sophomore year like 6 ,000 subscribers okay which to me was like oh my god fuck all y 'all I'm popping off I'm popping off y 'all don't know me anymore I'm different now no but um so I'm I'm on vacation in Maine and this girl comes up to me and like asks me for a photo now I had 6 ,000 subscribers I thought that this was a real interaction.

42:07My grandma set that up. No. You're like, oh, my God, you guys, I just got asked for a picture. Your grandma. I'm already getting a big fucking head. Grandma, do not play with me like this. Holy shit. No, but it was it was sweet. It was sweet. That's actually so cute. It was hilarious. Eventually, though, you did start to gain attention. How did you handle initially getting noticed in public and like the attention? at first I've actually gone through phases with it like in the very beginning I was stoked and I was like so I was like this is so awesome like it was you know my dream was coming true right it was so fucking cool and it was and then you know I've gone through ebbs and flows where it's made me a little anxious because I if I'm not in a good spot like I'll get anxious about not being in a good the spot mentally and I'm like is this showing like I don't want I started getting anxiety about giving these people like the best experience they could possibly have meeting me and then that kind of got into my head but I didn't have that thought in the very beginning so that came into play later it feels like no one hates you and I'm gonna take notes right now because I'm a little bit more polarizing why do you think you're so lovable I don't feel that I am and I think that really I mean I've gone through the ringer really in what way well so there was like there's been chunks of time throughout my experience on the internet where I've been like widely disliked you know whether people thought it was annoying or people like or like it's interesting like there's just been periods of time when people have just not liked me and the general conversation around me has been negative the thing that's really interesting about it is that I noticed this just from talking to other people in this space a lot of people they're so hyper focused on themselves as they should be we're human right um so like I perceive you and I'm like you're nobody fucking hates you right but see you because I'm not seeing people giving you shit right whereas like you're not seeing people give me shit everybody gets shit and so everybody their own perception of their own career and like general likeness is not right right it's skewed in a in a negative direction for everybody individually I look at any other personality on the internet and unless they're like genuinely yeah just a bad fucking person and everyone knows it unless that's what's going on generally like nobody is gonna see it except for you yeah like it's almost like you everyone ebbs and flows with hate and love yeah if you're putting content out there yeah and also everyone's memory is so short on shit if people don't give a fuck no they act like they do because it's fun to like get together in a group and be like yeah scandal this person but then in a week if they're like oh my god like you're doing this and then they love you and it just ebbs and flows but that is a good point to say like to hear from you saying like you do get hate yeah to summarize like what do they hate you for I mean I would say that like when I was a lot younger I edited in like a really like fast pace like a kind of you know flashy way and it was kind of like and I thought it was like funny and annoying and that's why I liked it I was Like, I think this is just like funny and entertaining and like it's not serious, like whatever.

45:45But some people just found that annoying and were like, why the fuck do people want to watch this? Which I totally get because that's not everybody was going to like the style of editing and my personality. I was a loud kid. I was a, you know, outgoing kid and people just thought I was annoying. So that was like one thing. But then also I think a big part of it was just like when you become successful, people just are going to nitpick just about anything. Yeah. And so and I understood that I was like I get it like I'm you know I'm a target and I understand that and I think some of it might have been from jealousy and some of it just might have been from like people just simply not enjoying me and like that's fair but it doesn't make it not hurt you know I can't blame people I get the culture of the internet but it still sucks it does suck you know well it's hard because then you get all these good comments and then you see one and you're like it sticks with you and then it's like wait all these people are actually like telling you how great you are and they love the content then you see one and then you're like my whole day sucks it's always that way yeah you think you can and you might have a good moment where you're like oh this shit doesn't bother me but it always comes back is there anything that made you almost quit I will say there has been a lot of times where I've almost quit

47:10So, this is Call Her Daddy. Yes, I have had sex, Alex. There's a lot of room to get fucked over when you're being friends with people in your industry, and that's something that I really struggled with. This person's, like, profiting off of me in some way. I don't think that they actually care about me. And these, like, YouTubers who are maybe more established, I think that they knew that they could kind of push me around a little bit. not only on camera but off. Like you are using me, I can tell, fuck you. If I went and addressed every fucking rumor, every fake blah blah blah blah blah about me, you know, I wouldn't, that would be actually my full time job.

47:52Like I just feel so out of control of the public perception of me. I remember my ex-boyfriend, one of his friends, was like, dude, like she doesn't actually like you. Like I don't think she actually likes you. Like she's, I think she likes girls. And the psychological damage is quite, it is crazy.