Exposing My Athlete Roster (Boston Edition)

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper. i literally cannot believe where i am right now i am having i'm like shaking too many memories dude i'm in boston i just got off a plane from la and i cannot believe i didn't understand where they booked the um the hotel you guys the amount of sex i've had i'm just kidding but this is really where I perfected the gluck gluck so just be grateful okay let's go inside I'm dying thank you oh my god when was the last time you were here okay the last time I was here was I think I think like literally five years ago so this is like a bar that is giving me serious I wish I could say who so who's now that is the first place I ever went and met him and I really was like to my friend like you have to have sex with him he's he's so hot that's where it all happened the memories that i have from this place are like shocking like i'm like i'm literally i feel like i'm like regressing and i feel like i'm almost back in college right now isn't this fucking sick it's so cool yeah like me in college i could never like i i was so out of my league here i have so much i have so much to say lauren just texted me lauren's in the room right now Everyone's talking like Lauren's always with you We cannot separate Anytime I'm traveling I'm like how is she not going to meet me Because she's also on the east coast She just texts me saying I feel like I'm waiting for Santa to come down the chimney Jordan how are you doing?

1:39Fabulous She's the real Santa She is the real Santa with the goodies You guys don't understand the feeling I have right now It makes me want to like cry Like nostalgia that's overflowing in my body like I don't know how to begin.

1:58Sexy! I wasn't looking through the people waiting for you. Literally the memories. In this place? Lauren. Have you had sex in here? I literally said this is where the gluck gluck like was perfected. I remember I encountered my first curved penis. We have to talk. Oh, I literally had a dream about a curved penis the other night and I was like, thank God penis is not curved. No, neither is Matt. I'm like, like, no, no. And this is the end. I have a nightmare. I have a reoccurring nightmare that I'm giving a blowjob, and the curb hooks up under my mouth, and I'm like, I'm not bad. It's your penis.

2:33Wait, did you ever fuck a guy with a guy? Mm-hmm. Who? In high school. I just had a great penis. Well, this is a revolving thing. I probably can't say that. No. Oh, my God. They thought that Henry and Bruce were coming. I know. We put the dog beds over there in the dog bowls. Oh, I like the contrast, Jordan. I know, right? It looks like we're making a porno. It literally looks like we're making a porno. Like it's like concerning. I feel like we should just podcast and like our food will get here with the pause. And we can eat chicken fingers and... Should we? Should we just like start podcasting?

3:05Yeah. Let's sit down.

3:23we're currently in boston i just landed lauren landed like 30 minutes before me yeah and i am in my feels right now to give anyone context that's new here i went to school um in boston i went to boston university and i had a lot of love for boston and then a lot of not hate but like you go through shit you know and then you're like oh my god i need to get away from the place that i went to college and when i left boston i haven't been back since and so the how long how long ago did we graduate six years oh my god we're getting so old by that like the fact that you have not been back to Boston the fact that it's been six years since we graduated college and we're old as fuck so I haven't been back and I landed and I everything just came crashing back into my mind of memories and like even just the airport I know that sounds dumb but like every it just feels very nostalgic so we're currently staying at this hotel which we're gonna get into because my god the things i've done in this hotel specifically this room no i asked for room 501 because my god the things have gone down in here um so we're here we're everyone there's we have people in the room right now we're eating chicken fingers we have spicy margs let's cheers mine's not spicy i don't do spicy okay so let's just start with story time so we are currently at the liberty hotel in boston so when i was in school and you don't know these stories as a college kid this is like this was like the coolest hotel to go to because there's this bar downstairs called the alibi and also to give you context this hotel used to be i think like a jail that's turned into what looks like almost it's like haunted cool hotel look like it's almost like a club vibe i walked in i was like oh this is fun and like i was checking in they're like okay so you know tonight there's a dj in the main level there's a dj in the bottom level i'm like we got two djs going like i'm thriving yes so every single time whether it was like a rich dude or an athlete or whoever people would stay here and obviously as like a broke college kid we would always want to come here because there would be rich dudes here and it was like a dope vibe of a bar and we would get fucked up and then it would be fun if like a guy had a hotel room because we could like after party there so when i think of this hotel the one story that comes to mind is my roommate and i i don't want to say her name because she for like she has the job so we go to a day party at this like gem um bar place I don't know it's like a day club thing and we so we get there and there is this these two Patriots players there I had been on a date with one of them at one point and at the time for let me rewind so I go on this date with this Patriots player in the summer and he starts what year of college I'm going into my sophomore year on this date so I'm like a fucking baby but you're not 21 I'm not even 21 okay I have my sister's id i'm katherine cooper so i will never forget he dms me and my friend bridget is driving her car on and she's like a huge boston girl and i who's calling me matt it's not the time i'm telling stories of my exes okay so sorry matt sorry about hold on so we're driving and i will never forget this guy i know i'm swerving but it will all make sense so i'm i'm bridget's driving and i tell her who dms me and she quite literally almost swerves off the road because like as a Boston girl like this guy was like Tom Brady and then the other person like we'll bleep this out yeah yeah and he was so fucking hot at the time and like whatever so he dms me and he asked me out on a date and he I didn't know he was joking because I don't know this man to ask me if I want to go bowling okay so in my mind like I am so trying hard to be like how do I look hot to go bowling and in my mind I'm like I'm going out with him like I need to be wearing heels and like look fucking hot but I put on Jesus sandals from Target okay why because I'm like I was trying to be like chill girl and at the time what are Jesus sandals you know like this like the leather like cross cross cross cross but at the time they had like some jewels on them like that's how bad it was but also like they were kind of in back at the time okay so I put on my Jesus sandals I remember I put on skinny black jeans and then I put on this like Brandy Melville body suit no maroon little like flowy peplum no because I was I was also mind you watch which is so weird in my mind like you guys I was a fucking whore in college and the way that I know I was gonna say like you dressed really slutty but that sounds just bad bad peplum I I don't know this is what was happening most of my girls weren't around while i was getting ready and it was just like me bridget my one friend lauren and like rachel and everyone was like maybe it's good if you show that you don't care like do you know what i mean a little like i don't like a peplum jesus so the point is i remember he picks me up and you guys like i'm in college i have nothing to my name and this man drives up and all of my college roommates were like renting um we have like an apartment are looking out the window and his Porsche rolls up and it's like all blacked out and I'm like jizzing my fucking pants I can't believe this guy's taking me on a date I get in this fucking car and I'm literally like oh my god so like where do you go bowling in like Boston like where are we going and he literally looked at me he was like what and I was like where are we going to bowl and he was like we're going to Icon the club I'm not taking you bowling that was a joke i'm in jesus sandals with about to roll up to the fucking club in jesus sandals and a peplum top and i look so bad i've never looked worse and i'm going to icon do you change you change no we're already driving this little batmobile do they even let you into a club in not heels yes so we roll up to icon and i remember everyone's like freaking out and like this is the point where like i was such a cleat chaser i was like i hope someone gets me a picture i'm like i'm like leaning into him like you're like right there literally i'm like i need the clout so we go to icon i have never felt uglier i'm disgusting whatever so this is the only time and so afterwards thank god he actually wanted to go he asked me to go back to his hotel room and hook up with him i'm like oh no because i was like i need to see if he'll ever like invite me back because i need to like i need you would think i would actually would have fucked him to be like i'm more than just the jesus sandals and the peplum yeah but something in me that night was I'm going home.

9:40There's a freak in the peplum. Yeah. So I gave up and I go home that night and I did hear from him again, which was great. And I feel like it's just cause like everyone fucks him. I didn't fuck him, but really I was just feeling really insecure about my situation. And I like purposely didn't shave that night. Cause I was like, I will not fuck him. So fast forward to that's the only time I ever see him in person. The next time I see him is we go to gem. So I go with my roommate and we start day drinking and he shows up with one of his teammates and immediately i'm like i have a body suit in and i have socks in you know how i have that trick yeah i don't do it anymore but i used to put socks in my bra and my tits look triple fucking d like you couldn't fuck with me and they were you know they're looking real were you wearing heels or jesus i was wearing i was wearing heels i was making my pants look i looked great like i was looking finally great i had my extensions locked in like i was like looking good i was orange redemption time redemption time i got my straight tan my fake hair my fake tits i'm ready to go so he rolls up to jen with his roommate or his his teammate and i'm with my roommate and we're like this is fucking perfect we start partying with them and after jen we're so fucked up did you approach him or did he approach you he well yeah that was interesting so he had like a corner um area that they brought him to and i was like like i wasn't doing this but i was like we need to get over there so i start like moving my way with my roommate and it was a slow balance of not looking desperate i just needed to get eye contact with him yeah and he's never seen me look this good so i knew he didn't recognize you he's like literally who's that oh it's the fucking amish bitch that i took on a date and i didn't even get a fucking kiss he when you went on the date with him did you do anything oh we did make out we did make out it was a good make out it's in the car was goodbye kiss he drove me home like no hands anything no hands i literally couldn't look at myself like i was so mortified and my friends can't literally my friends i walk in the door my friends are like what happened and i rip off my sandals i'm like we didn't go fucking bowling we didn't go fucking bowling we went to icon and everyone's like oh you fucked up like and most of my friends i would die like i don't know if i would go imagine he just rolls away from the house and i'm literally looking down and i didn't even have my toes painted really like it was bad because you thought you were gonna put on bowling shoes

11:51the whole situation was actually so bad and i will say like i would say in college i was really with it and that was one of the biggest lapse in judgment I ever had you would never make that mistake like ever ever like post-college Alex work in New York City streets never never make that mistake never I would rather be late an hour to make sure I look so no they would have said I'm taking you bowling and you said you would say what the fuck you a loser no you're not take me somewhere better I would have said no we're going to like Nobu and thank you here I was like okay I'll go bowling with you so finally we didn't go bowling I go to Icon and I will never forget I have to show you a picture.

12:26Someone took a photo of him. I do still have to this day. And I'm in the back drop photo. I literally am in. We can blur his face and I'm actually, we have to, I'm in the fucking background of this photo and I'm such a loser, whatever. So fast forward. Now I'm at the day club. I see him and I walk over and I could tell he's like, wait, is that Alex? And he's like shocked that I look good. You know, my roommate and I get into their little area. We start partying, we're drinking. And now it's about like eight o 'clock. Cause we've been out Then we meet up with them, whatever. And so then we are with them and they say, do you want to go to the Liberty Hotel?

13:00This is where we are now. We are going to go and keep the party going. And my roommate and I are like, absolutely, let's go. And our other two soccer teammates that were there with us were like, you guys do know we have a 6 a.m. tomorrow morning. And we're like, practice? Practice. Not full practice. And we're like, we'll be fine. Because when you go for a day drink, you think you're going to be asleep by like at least 11 o 'clock at night no so my roommate and i we go we start partying with them down at alibi which is the bar here we're getting so fucked up and finally i don't know how we did this long but it ends up being like 2 3 a.m we come back to his room and my roommate goes into the shower with who's ex-boyfriend yes yes you're all having an orgy so we did that too with and his friend and we went back to his room and had we didn't have an orgy but he hooked up with the bathroom and then you had sex in the bed i did forget about that the athletes they just like to stay together and then be like i'll take the bathroom you take the bed all right they like to be in packs i don't know what it you're so fucking right i was like i was like that's so weird no you're right and i was like we did it so so she goes into the bathroom and i hear the shower turn on and i'm like okay like get it girl get it girl and so he and i are on the bed and there's like one of their random friends is like on the couch like doing drugs or something and i'm like whatever so i proceed to whip out this man's penis because i'm so fucked up and i proceed to just there's a guy over there fully watching me just give head and i begin to perfect the gluck luck 9000 right here in the liberty hotel okay you guys this man has a gorgeous penis everything is going great i'm hearing my roommate in there absolutely having sex in the shower i'm like we are locked and loaded finally we just continue to all hook up i didn't have sex with him that night but we're having the most fun they come out butt naked they're like let's have more drinks we're all fucked up what time is it at this point all of a sudden i look at my phone and i'm like roommate it is fucking 4 30 in the morning okay we had a 6 a.m so my so to give you guys that sounds terrifying okay that's because we hadn't that's giving me scary as you just saying that imagine we're here it's 4 30 because your coach is like intense my coach was the biggest fucking cunt and on top of it which i'll get to she had like such a specific fixation on me like if i I if I changed my hairstyle one day she'd be like did you do something different with your hair Alex like so creepy that I knew like she was always paying attention to me like if you were hung over she was gonna be like she was gonna know so I look at my phone and you weren't even gonna be hung over you weren't even still drunk we hadn't gone to bed so I grabbed my roommate I'm like put your clothes on it's 4 30 and so let me also give context my roommate and I were never the goody two-shoes on the team like we were good at soccer but we weren't gonna always be the first ones to practice right like we're not the ones like in the locker room like we're ready coach so we I'm like we have to get to the locker room first we can't go back to our dorms because the girls will know we were out all night will the girls be pissed the girls would be pissed only because which I can say now and they would be like yeah we don't care the girls would be pissed because they wanted to be there like they wanted to be with us in certain moments and would they have routed you out no they just would have like maybe the upperclassmen would have because I think what started to happen was because we were underclassmen and we were infiltrating this like scene in Boston some of the upperclassmen I think were definitely like a little jealous of like what the fuck you like why are you guys getting to go party with the Patriots and like we're in Alston at a frat party and like I understood like it it just started happening and also you can relate to this any girl can fucking relate to this you're like we can't have more than two girls here okay like if we're taking one I'm taking my roommate if we have like a gaggle of girls you You can't bring the whole team.

17:00You can't. You can't. So my roommate and I get into the Uber, and we're both like, holy fuck. Like, I think I'm not fucked up anymore, but, like, we have to go to practice. We roll up, and we take our heels off, and we sprint across Nickerson Field, which is where our practice is. And it finally hits 5 o 'clock. We rush into the locker room. No one's there yet. We're the first people in our locker room. Do you have, like, clothes there and stuff? All of our uniforms are in our lockers. Do you have to practice in uniforms? Yeah, you put practice uniforms on for every practice. so we both are splashing our faces with water wiping all of our makeup off i think she gets in the shower i was like i can't get in the shower because everyone knows i would never have wet hair in the morning like that's fucking psychotic and so i like i know everyone be like what the fuck did you do bitch like you were just having sex so then we put on our outfits and we just sit in our lockers and slowly the captains walk in and we're literally like and they like what the fuck is happening why are you the first ones here they look at us and they're like why are you two here so early and we're like no and we're both just like oh my god like we couldn't sleep like we were just ready for this oh my gosh it's giving me like college nostalgia i want to go back no and it was so fun again because like the least try hard when it came to like i didn't give a fuck if like my coach knew i was first or last like i didn't care in terms of that like i'm gonna be good on the field but like i wasn't goody two-shoes vibe yeah so all of them were like something's wrong like why are you guys here and especially my roommate who was even at times more of a degenerate they're like the two of you did or something so you know when you're hungover or fucked up and you have to almost channel that kind of energy where you're like i either have to focus so fucking hard that you end up were you still drunk i was not drunk i just felt that feeling and if you haven't gone to sleep where it almost feels like everything's so bright and you're almost like having a hard time keeping up with what's going on because you're like my eyes almost feel like crusted like bloodshot probably bloodshot and they like need to close and i was like i'm ready for a 6 a.m and to people that didn't play sports why why was it 6 a.m 6 a.m what was the purpose behind that so it was spring season and most people think spring season's easier because that's our off season it's worse because 6 a.m it's like where you go to die you're doing fitness you're doing sprints you're doing like you're just like training awful so we go out and I love her so much because my poor roommate we went complete opposite directions because my coach was such a fucking psychopath about me I was like somehow I channeled within my body like and I had the best practice of my life I it was almost like I was over correcting so much that everyone was like damn Cooper like you're really like I was scoring and I was running and I was like I was almost like an adrenaline rush and i was gonna crash my poor roommate she literally in the middle of practice like she is with whiffing balls like she's like missing everything and she was one of the fastest on the team losing in the race is like awful and finally she leaves practice in the middle of practice and says she has to go to the bathroom and all the seniors are fucking pissed because they can tell that she's hung over they can tell they can tell something they don't think she's hung over they don't think she's sick no they fucking know they know we were fucking out and And so she goes to the locker room associated with her.

20:12Yes. But they're also like Cooper's lights out right now. Why is she scoring all these goals? Like we want to yell at her. Like, I think that was a lot of it was like, they always wanted to yell at me, but like I was good. So they were like, Oh, fuck you. But like, don't do it again. My roommate was like struggling. I'm like, I felt so bad for her. And like her hair started to look like really like, it just looked bad. She goes to the locker room and the poor girl is gone for 15 minutes. And, and I'm trying to cover her from like, Oh yeah. She said she was having like bad diarrhea. Like, I don't know what's going on.

20:41Finally, she comes back and she tells everyone like, sorry, like I have explosive diarrhea. Like it's like a girl's soccer team. She says it in like earshot of my coach. So my coach thinks she has explosive diarrhea. And she comes over to me and she's like, Alex, I just went into the locker room. And puked my brains out. I puked my brains out. And then I just laid on the carpet of the locker room and took a quick 15 minute nap. And then she comes back out to practice. she was struggling so fucking hard if someone if like if she got caught with that you kicked off the team no we would get a punishment which my coach always did to the two of us like there were there were girls on our soccer team that got um caught like drinking over drinking and they got sent to the hospital had to get their stomach pumped and my roommate i would like forget our binder to a meeting and she was like 10 mile bike and we're like the girl did that just got her stomach pumped didn't she just got like a slap on the wrist and she like hated us so much and so i we would get a 10 mile bike and then there it would she would progressively make it worse where she was like she would take away the seat on the bike and it was an aerodyne bike where you had to do arms and like so that was like my first experience with the liberty and and to wrap it up my that night was one of the beginnings essentially of my relationship with the liberty hotel like i was gonna say with the greater boston sports team no actually like all of a sudden my roommate and i would just always come here and we would always find ourselves in truly like the most fun situations I was so broke I had no money I was in college and I just look back and I'm like it was so cool to go to school in a city where I was able to do these things and meet these type of people and I was just it was just so cool to be able to like come to these places like we would literally split the uber and be like we can't we can't we couldn't afford one of those drinks like so we're just like hoping to run into people and almost every single time we would run into someone and then that was the other time I was going to tell you about the curve deck but we can move on from that but i i encountered it was one of the hottest hockey players i've ever hooked up with oh he's so hot and i remember um my roommate he's a curved dick he's the largest curved i've ever come across like thick and curved or both skinny and curved both because i encountered a skinny and curved once and i think a thick and curved is better because a skinny and curved it's like like close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes with me close your eyes open your mouth lean forward like you're gonna go down and imagine like a little curved pencil going down your throat like okay now and ready now close your eyes and imagine a curved banana going down your throat that that feels better right okay but let me tell you tell me have you ever okay sucking dick i agree have you ever had sex with a thick yes and then this way the curve is against you and you're like lauren i love that you remember this because let me be so clear the guy that i only sucked his curved penis and it was definitely difficult for my throat i went and met up with this guy when i then lived in new york and i had sex with him and he lied and he said that he um was broken up with his girlfriend and now they're married um and he fully cheated on her with me can we just put a lot of beeps and beeps i guess we're gonna have to i'm sorry we're just saying athletes names half of them you guys know this is pretty juicy though okay so but so anyway so i i experienced and i will never forget because my roommate and i were really good with each other where we would always just whore each other out and so we she was like i really want to get invited we were like we really want to get invited to their party tomorrow night but it's like getting late tonight we could tell they were just like after partying in the room and she was like we were leaving and he's like you're trying to get invited to the hotel yeah yeah and so he like randomly walked into his room and my roommate pulls me in and she's like you need to go in there and you need to suck his dick and you need to do whatever you do with that fucking mouth that's gonna get us invited to that party tomorrow and i said on it and i go in he's just randomly like coming out of the bathroom and i'm like get down and i push him down on the bed and i rip his fucking pants off and lo and behold it is the largest curved penis i've ever seen in my life show me the girth this i would say like this that's pretty thick just thick and i'm not it was i think to this day it was the biggest penis i've ever encountered and it was curved and it was can you deep throat a crib penis so i did that night because i needed to get to that party lauren when i tell you like like i was clocked out you know like i was ready to go home and like yeah i tell you like my roommate and i were shifted into that night my shift was over like my shift was over i did what i got us in the room we were schmoozing so we're walking out we're basically saying bye and i go in and i push him down and again i was clocked out i wasn't thinking i had never encountered something like this i'd never seen something of this girth and this magnitude and this curvature so so i was like damn my work's cut out for me like this is not what i expected so i did it and and what i did is like i i did more of that like down like you just kind of have to come up i guess so the curvature it's so easy to snag a tooth don't you agree though like a little like nick and it's like that's nothing to do with my skills fix the angle of your penis you want to like almost like crack it like a broken nose so there was like a lot of sucking dick there was a lot of gluck glucking and just like a lot of perfecting the craft and where collar daddy really was like beginning to brew and and that was why i'm feeling very nostalgic and um i'm happy to be at the liberty hotel which i just realized i'm not sure the liberty hotel is gonna be like oh my god tag us in this as i'm just being like i got railed here i suck dick here we're loving it they're like nope if you're looking to have a steamy honeymoon the liberty hotel is your place the vibes the sex the dicks are immaculate come on over to the liberty hotel and if you're just looking for a rich fucking guy the liberty hotel oh cheers cheers okay so that's my experience in boston is this your first this isn't your first my first rodeo in Boston are you really asking me that I just looked Lauren in the eyes and as I was about to say is this your first and it was almost like that that's a rape the moment of like I just remembered it all yeah we've done Boston together once why don't you tell the story why don't you tell the story begin it it was the summer between junior and senior year of college yeah and that's when you and I really like so freshman year and sophomore year you and I of college of college lauren and i were doing our own things in college lauren was at tulane i was in boston we were very far apart very far apart and you were very deep in soccer and you were very deep in sorority life no no you're oh that just makes you sound like a loser you're over there playing d1 soccer i'm like yeah i love my sorority you were like the treasurer weren't You were the secretary, Alex.

27:29That is serious work. And you were going, you were like, you were doing your thing. And you were like, you got a boyfriend. You were going through. You were busy. You were busy drinking in Tulane. And I was busy doing my thing here. So the first two years of college, Lauren and I were like, I don't need to talk to you. Like, we're both like doing our thing in college. I love you. We'll talk. It's like cousins where you can just pick right back off where you left off. So junior year going into senior year, our summer specifically, we like started working out. we worked out together every day we both were in pennsylvania for our summer like usually i would spend it in boston you would be in tulane yeah so we were both in new town for the summer losers yeah so we were hanging out every day were you delivering pizzas yeah oh my god and that's a whole nother story i almost got blackmailed with all okay yeah alex was blackmailed lauren's delivering pizzas i jump in her car i'm sobbing well we have so many stories to tell but let's stick to this one so boston okay so you're like i need to go get my hair highlighted and fuck a guy do you want to come with boston do you want to come to boston with me and i was like yeah that sounds really fun like so surface level there's a quick agenda larn so we did a road trip i didn't really like know what we were getting ourselves into and we get to boston and you're like all right like don't worry like i'll figure out plans for us like i'm cooking up like four different options like we'll pick the best option and we were gonna go hang out but he was like sorry i just jumped on a uh helicopter to like whatever the fuck and i was like lauren's like oh okay like yeah i have friends jumping on helicopters too like same so i didn't really know what we were getting into here i thought we'd be doing like bars and college parties and we go out and we're literally i don't even know who this man was we were with this large man who had an escalade and And we were going from place to place, skipping lines, going into clubs.

29:19I had never had bottle service before. Like, having bottle service, I was like, Alex, are you the mayor of Boston? What is happening? Who are these people? Who are these athletes? And then I can't tell any more of the stories. I remember nothing else. Okay. So this is the saddest part. This was, like, the guy that gave me chlamydia and was a bartender. I remember his name. So this guy that I started fucking in Boston, it got dark, you guys. There were certain moments where, like, I had to swoop in, whatever. This story goes, Lauren gets so fucked up, he, this guy that I start hooking up with, brings Lauren back to the dorm.

29:55I proceed to go all - He carries my body. Into the bed. I proceed to go back to Southie with him. I proceed to have sex with him, and he proceeds to give me chlamydia. That is a hard time in Boston. What? Together. Literally after that, I remember, because you brought me to Planned Parenthood when we got back to - Oh, yeah, you're right. We get back. We went to Planned Parenthood in Trenton. No, you guys, you guys. I'm in the car with Lauren. I call it her pizza job. We get back from our debaucherous craziness. We get back to PA and something ain't feeling right. And you're like, Lauren, I don't have a good feeling.

30:32I know I didn't use a condom. I'm like, what time do you get off your pizza shift? And Lauren's like, I'll be off in 30. No, you got in the car and you came on my last delivery with me. And then we went right to Planned Parenthood. I got one more pizza to deliver. We're like in Newtown, Pennsylvania. My boss fully was like, Lauren, you cannot just pick up friends and bring them on your pizza delivery. And I'm like, no, that is what I will do. I'm like, no, I'd play the card. I'm like, I'm a girl. It's getting dark. Don't you want me to be safe? Meanwhile, I'm like, I fully have an itchy V. I have something wrong.

31:05I have chlamydia. Let's go. So Lauren's like, bye, sir. We get the pizza. it she delivers it all's good you know they gave a great tip we go to trenton we go to trenton new jersey why did we go to trenton because we were like we there wasn't that was the closest planned parenthood i think well there was one i think directly in our town but i was like i can't be seen like no one can know and so we drive all the way to print or trenton new jersey we go into planned parenthood i get my test and lauren's in the waiting room like this how'd it go i'm literally like i have fucking chlamydia and i'm waiting for my hiv test like what the fuck and lauren's like it's gonna be okay al and so we get in the car we like went and had a drink that night and that was it but yeah like we it's so crazy but we haven't been back to boston since and we haven't been back since and cheers to not getting chlamydia this time i have not had chlamydia since i can't i can't um wait oh my god alex

32:21that's a good question so someone behind the camera you know the crowd is asking questions that we opened up we got a question we got a question asking the question is is how did i know about the athletes so it was kind of in multiple different ways one because I saw my dad with the flyers in Philadelphia and he would your dad wrote you a playbook he's like Alex I'm gonna sit you down baby girl here's how you infiltrate the athlete dick my poor father is like and all he said growing up is you can never date an athlete I'm like that's all you show me like this is all I see dad like it's all I want so I kind of knew like they go to random bars and so I always wanted to go to a city place because I felt like I was always like I I just wanted I've always wanted to date older guys because I was just like an asshole and I was like I want someone to pay for things I want to feel like I don't know I wanted to feel like you were you were chasing yeah I was chasing it I was chasing it you were so big the the real true point of how I actually got though involved in it is Barstool Sports when they posted me as the I knew you were of the day it changed my life because it was up for a couple hours until my coach called me and told me to take it down and thanks but it it did enough damage I will never forget I was driving out of the city with Bridget to her parents house my um the goalie on our soccer team and we were going to her parents house and they posted me and in that short time period I got a lot of followers on Instagram at the time I think I got like I literally had like 30k followers randomly as I'm like driving out to the outskirts of Boston and I was like holy shit this is crazy and that was the first time I remember a, an athlete DM'd me cause he saw my picture there.

33:57And then all I needed was like, all you need is one. All you need is one. Because what happened was once I met that one and it was a, it was a hockey player that messaged me. I then met him with his hockey player. Um, it's actually interesting. Yeah. He was real low budge and he was like very giving prude energy. But I was like, if I meet him, I'll meet his teammates. And so I went and met him at a bar and then he was with his teammates and so naturally I immediately homie hopped before I even fucking like touched his skin I was like goodbye you're fucking nothing but I want this one and we immediately started to infiltrate so it was like if you can just find one they come in packs then I infiltrated there and then slowly I also started to dm some like I would then I got like confident enough to be like who cares if they don't know where to go yes that was when like I started to realize like at my time in Boston I don't know if it's relevant anymore but like West End Johnny's was like a sports bar that had an underground place and like that's where I remember one night Red Sox and Bruins players were all there and that's where I met like the Red Sox guy that I ended up having like a relationship with but that kind of shit I think you just got to go for it and it doesn't have to be an athlete like now I look back and I'm like athletes I mean sure if you're with an athlete cool but like they're all kind of like the fucking same it was more just about the fun like thrill of the status feeling of like getting to go into these like exclusive places like I just thought it was fun in college to have that but I think advice to anyone if you're trying to like get in full training if you want a doctor if you want wherever you just find one dm them shamelessly and just be like yo what's up like I just came across your page you're super cute like you want to meet up for a drink my girlfriends and I are going to be at blah blah tonight and you can always keep it chill if you say I'm going to be with my girlfriends and if he's like oh none of my friends are going out tonight cool come meet up with us so it's like be aggressive and who cares if you don't there are so many dms that guys like didn't fucking answer didn't read and i was like okay on to the next but that's how it kind of started it just like you just have to take chances and again it just takes one take a risk take a chance and break away so that's that that's um you know getting dick in boston 101 and chlamydia so that's a good title getting dick in boston get sucking dick and getting chlamydia in boston okay that's the good that's it cheers let's do a little questions of the week

36:35questions we are gonna do some questions at a game because as much fun as we're having over here we want you guys to feel like you're part of this and you guys have written questions to me let's put our heads together and try to help the daddy gang and you know what we're gonna do our best i'm gonna hope that you're asking me something that i've asked my therapist and i'll just recycle her advice perfect okay daddy gang said can we talk about age gaps there is a guy i have liked for almost a year now who is eight years older than me this past spring he reciprocated feelings and ensured me that we could be something despite our age gap but i turned him down and i've been heartbroken since does age matter i'm in my early 20s and he is almost 30 and i just worry we're in different phases of life but why can i not stop thinking about him context first we both have age gaps we both are dating older boyfriends yours is more significant age gap than mine yep so I get the hesitation because you feel like you're in such different places but like for example if you're saying you're in your early 20s I don't know if you're in college if you are I could see it's a little difficult to be in college and then have a boyfriend that's like in the working world and you're trying to like go to parties and have fun but then I would be sad and regret if I tried to like dull out my college years to please someone yes like I would look back and I would be very sad about that if I tried to be like no all my friends are going out but like I don't need to go out and like I can like do this and like I'm doing it because like a certain person I think that's what you have to check in with yourself is like or is the reason that you're you are hesitant about this person is because of actually just the age gap just in itself that you're like worried about the optics because if you're worried about the optics who doesn't fuck about the optics I really don't think that you should overthink it who gives a fuck if people judge you half the time if you're dating someone the same age there's already issues in that conversation right if you're worried because you actually have different interests and life things i would consider like you we said about the college thing well the college thing comes to mind and like what also comes to mind is like like something my my boyfriend and i have felt is like i'm in a point in my life where like my social circle and my friends they still hang out every single weekend and he is older and most of his friends are married some are having children and they're they're at the point in their lives we're like they're hanging out once a month once every two months and can I adapt like what my social like my social life is and can he adapt what his social life is right I think it's about just like merging your lives and seeing if you can do it actually take the age gap away if you are going to figure out how to merge your lives it will work issues that like come up if you're the same age how do we merge our social lives together do we have the same expectation of a timeline yes it's all the same shit we're all always a factor they might be more exacerbated and like the differences if you're have a big age gap yeah fuck people that are judging you if you want to go for something you sometimes just have to learn for yourself and maybe you'll learn like oh i want something closer to my age or maybe you'll realize oh wait i really do like the parts of his maturity that i'm leaning towards and like figure it out for yourself okay how do you get out of a codependent friendship i live with my best friend and i love her but our friendship has become codependent help sos i love you we have both had situations like this i would even verge to say we were like codependent for a hot sec maybe it was more me than you

40:09i was like i was really liking that couch yeah no i think um this is the thing i personally think codependent friendships are inevitable for a in moments of a period of time if you're going through something similar if you're both single if you're both especially new city like just yes going through same shit because it's hard to get codependent with someone if they're in a relationship and you're like you kind of have to all of a sudden be like really up on like the same page same fucking cycle okay but I want to give that some like grace like I think it's really easy to do in a friendship if you are if you're going step by step and stride by stride in life together especially if it's in moments that you are needing someone to be there for you like I don't care if let's for example I was gonna say out of college is hard no going to college and you had that one friend that you went into college with or the one friend you immediately make in college like any moment that you need a friend that you need that support and that person in that moment too needs it all of a sudden you can be codependent I think the issue becomes one person naturally will always start to pull away and be like I'm ready to fucking soar on my own you needy ass bitch get off my arm like get the fuck away from me and then you're saying what do I do.

41:30And I think if like not handled properly, then that's how friendships break up. Yes. And I don't think they need to break up. No. Okay. This is what I would say. You need to start actually as uncomfortable as it is saying no to things and also really doing things where you're actively not inviting them. I think going from codependent to then trying to get independent, and you can almost feel like you're being a bitch and you're being rude and but you actually are just being a human being that's individually surviving and doing things like you guys aren't attached at the hip i think a self-aware person will probably start to take the cues another person might not so let's role play we're gonna be really healthy here is we're gonna hit we're gonna address it head on we're gonna have a conversation okay so let's imagine that this is not might not be that hard to imagine that we're living together and we're attached to the hip and we need to trail it back a bit it's becoming to the point where it's just assume we're gonna do absolutely everything together and we naturally and healthfully we need to have some separation and you love me you don't want to hurt my feelings you're not like mad or disgusted at me but you're like realistically we need to do something separately yep all right sit me down what are you saying to me hey lair how was your day good i know it was good because i was with you the whole day but now i would say listen i have been having some thoughts about like i've been stressed with work and i've been stressed about family stuff and i've been even stressed about like us together and I was I'm trying to be more proactive in trying to be independent for myself because I think sometimes you have to take accountability before you're just like you're so and what I was thinking about is like I feel like I'm in the best way like I love you so much and we're so comfortable together that I almost find myself in moments just leaning into our friendship almost too much and it's almost like an out for me where I'm like when's the last time like I asked a coworker to go get dinner because we get dinner all the time.

43:42I wanted to be honest with you that I think I'm going to try to actively because our relationship is so strong. I love you so much. You're my best friend. I really want to try to start making sure that I'm nurturing other parts of my life outside of our friendship because we're so solid that I'm like, fuck, am I just like taking the easy way out that we're always together and I'm not allowing myself to like branch out and do other things. And so I want to be upfront with you that like if next time you ask me to go to dinner and I'm like oh my god no I love you we're all good it's more just because I'm like I kind of I really want to push myself to get out of my comfort zone make new friends at my job go see my brother sometimes in the city go like even also take some time for myself and I wanted to be up front with you so you don't think I'm being like weird and being like I don't I hate you whatever like we're good I just want to try to start doing things with for myself sometimes that was great so like write that down then go do that no but think about that no that was fantastic what what there nothing that I said you're doing wrong because if you're in a codependent situation that's also on me so I'm saying and it's also like sometimes you need to fucking blow smoke up their ass I love you we're so good but I need I'm realizing it's really fair to say like if you feel me saying no and pulling away it's not like it's not because you did something or I'm mad at you it's because I'm totally and I think sometimes what I've realized in therapy and I know you feel this way, it's like so many times when we're so annoyed with someone, we really can't see our own shit.

45:11And every single time I ever go into a situation now moving forward in life, whether it's with a partner or a family member, I always just speak from me, what I'm feeling, what I'm going through. Because when you're like, this is how the bad version would go. Hey, I feel like recently I can't really breathe. I feel like we're so attached at the hip and sometimes like I just want my own thing. and I feel like it's like if I'm going to dinner you're coming to dinner with me and I feel like it's like we need space you're always wanting to do what I'm doing and like I just feel like we're like in this site like already it's like I'm talking to you you're not no you just own it you have to own it for yourself because I think codependent situations are not gonna get you're not gonna convince the person it was created together yes take some accountability bitch and then you actually have to make it work and you have to put yourself out there because I think sometimes people think they want to get out of it and then it's like okay go to dinner by yourself tonight don't sit down on the couch with her and watch tv and like a quick aside that i thought of of like that of like this conversation because obviously that's not going to be an easy conversation that you're like all right let me sit down and like tell alex this tonight like the metaphor that i've been given by my therapist classic love it um and use like before i have a difficult conversation like because for a difficult conversation like you're never gonna just like feel like ready like oh I am so ready to like conquer this conversation never so like it sounds stupid but like I literally close my eyes and she's like imagine yourself like you're on like the high dive like a really fucking high dive like and you have that antsy feeling in your stomach you're never gonna be like okay like let me dive I'm ready you probably sat down you probably wrote a few things down you thought about that but like when it's time to have the conversation you have to literally just imagine yourself flinging yourself off I feel like I have so many more difficult conversations now and it's because i'm not waiting to feel ready because i'm never gonna feel ready ever i'm just like fuck i have to have it let's go and go and then once you're in it you can still feel awkward but once you're done you did what you needed to do so it's like you're gonna feel better after it you're never gonna be like this conversation is so easy and i feel like what we've gotten good at because like even if like we're having a difficult conversation and like you can tell me we have like a little nervous energy at the end it's like also like i know i just like said some things to you like you can process that and like if you want to have a follow-up like let's have a follow-up like we don't we don't need to never like even though this was maybe a little awkward we don't have to never not talk about it again totally and i know i'm the one coming to you with all these thoughts so when you're feeling like you've processed this like knock on my door let's talk you got this daddy um okay my boyfriend and i have been together for four years and it's almost perfect in every aspect except he doesn't like giving me head i've explained so much how i like it and how it feels different etc and he still doesn't do it the rest of the sex is good we've used a vibrator so he doesn't so he's not scared of adding things in for me but a girl needs to get regular head how do i raise this with him so that he will actually change protest no literally protest um no you know it's something i was thinking about there is nothing more awkward than actually bringing something up to a partner about something that you're dissatisfied with having sex say the same thing like this is someone that you love and you have a respect for and like it is really fucking awkward to genuinely be like you're not satisfying me in a specific way like and I mean and and because then what the fear in my mind because I've had this in relationships before is then you also worry oh my god then is he gonna then go down and do it and it's gonna be awkward because I asked him to do it and I begged him and now he doesn't even want to be doing it and you're overthinking it and this is sex you're supposed to be light and free and having so it's i empathize with anyone whether it's you don't like the sex you're having you're having too rough it's too soft your partner's not doing this this or this it's fucking hard to have a conversation about your sex life of something you want to change or change this is an add-in adding it is fun that's easy like oh what if we tried this easy change telling someone you don't like what they're doing that's fucking tough yeah so the positive here is that he's like down to use a vibrator so like i'm taking away that like he cares about you having an orgasm what i'm curious about and like maybe this could be a conversation is like does he not like going down on you because he is like insecure about his abilities is it something about the process that like like he's like i'm so sorry but like i just i don't know i can't like does your V smell yeah like maybe I can't get over like for some reason like I'm so sorry and I'm so I maybe he feels so bad to say maybe your V does smell and he's like I'm really sorry but like something about like the smell it tastes like I'm having issues with because that's what I was gonna say it's either the smell or the taste that he's maybe like it's two reasons the smell or the taste or he's insecure or he's insecure about his abilities or he's just like if if I'm sorry but if he's grossed out by it then like that that just is like unacceptable like I feel like I've heard guys before be like oh i would no i don't fucking do that and it's like i feel like it's like a sexuality thing of like like oh that's simp behavior oh maybe yeah like they're like oh like i'm not your bitch like i'm not gonna like yet i it's almost like toxic masculinity of a man being like i don't need to do that like yeah maybe right it is giving misogyny like i'm not gonna go down there like i'm not gonna eat a pussy dj call it dj call it refuses to eat pussy i swear to god i can't type with these nails said he expects oral sex but won't return the favor because i don't eat pussy wait is he saying like real men don't eat pussy dj kelly said he expects oral sex but won't return the favor because because there are different rules for men that's so misogynistic and disgusting yeah that that to me is the answer because i feel like when i was in college i could remember okay yeah that's also a thing like something to put out there like if he's giving you like okay so we said like oh what are the two we were we were giving the nice benefit of the doubt yeah maybe there's some hygiene issues that we got to work on together maybe he's insecure about his ability maybe he's a misogynistic asshole if he says anything like well like guys don't eat pussy or like real mint like you say another one okay dj call it yourself if he is giving the vibe of like well if he is giving the vibe of well girls do that to guys but guys don't do that to girls no it's over no i think you say oh okay equality um okay so it starts with him not going down on you and then it ends with what's even more misogynistic he he doesn't let you work and then he tells you you can't vote in the next election he tells you you can't vote and he says get in the kitchen with the children you can't drive get in the back seat

52:17this is where it's going this is this i love this girl literally is gonna go to her boyfriend and her boyfriend's like oh babe like i just like i'm so bad at it maybe i'm like it's not a shame You're dating You're a misogynist Fuck And he is DJ Khaled And he will never respect you And you can't vote Next year's election Like this is huge Girl like we gotta move on Like we don't care about this shit Get out Get out Get out Voting rights Voting rights Autonomy over our bodies Autonomy for you to eat this pussy bitch Um we can We can call this episode If he's not going down on you He's a misogynistic Fuck That's it Yeah good night good night goodbye