Getting Older, Hotter, & Wiser (ft. Heidi Klum, Laverne Cox, Aly Raisman)

0:02What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I am so excited for today's episode because as many of you know, I recently just turned 30 years old and I have a lot that I want to talk about today because my perspective on turning 30 is so wildly different from what I thought it would be when I was younger. 30 years old sounded so freaking old. And then when I got into my twenties, I think I really viewed the number 30 as, Oh, that's probably like, that's kind of just like when the fun ends, like this is where it all ends.

0:55You turn 30 and it all changes. And I will be honest. I found myself in my twenties getting slightly anxious each year that I got closer to that number because when you think of 30, it feels like there's this connotation that comes with it and an expectation of once you hit 30, you essentially need to have everything figured out, right? Everything needs to be settled and lined up. And if you don't have every single aspect of your life in order by 30, you're fucked. and through this show and therapy and talking with my girlfriends and just growing up in general I have learned that truly that could not be farther from the truth but I'm aware obviously that like our perception of aging as women is so warped and so fucking negative we all feel it we all have experienced it.

1:52Like it is so wild and disturbing to me that there are literal middle school girls on TikTok doing nine step anti-aging skincare routines. Okay. Did you just hear what I said? Not high school, middle school, young girls are doing nine step skincare routines on aging. Like I didn't even know how to put fucking lotion on my face. I don't even think I think I put lotion on my face in middle school. I used some water, a Dove soap bar, and we kept it fucking moving. Okay. I didn't even understand the concept of aging, but it feels like unfortunately, I feel like each generation is just getting worse because of the accessibility, obviously to the internet and all the procedures.

2:38And there's like 19 million fucking products available now and just overall anti-aging the pressure is everywhere but ironically I realized it kind of takes just aging and evolving to grow out of giving a fuck about it if that makes any fucking sense and that's kind of what we're going to talk about today because honestly now to me 30 feels young and I feel like I'm just getting started so today I want to have a conversation around aging with a few women who have sat in the call her daddy studio with me they all have very different opinions and experiences and i think there is something to be learned from every single person that you're gonna hear from today so daddy gang let's get into it ali raisman laverne cox heidi klum welcome to call her daddy thank you so much for having me hi everyone

3:46as women we are constantly judged the older that we get the harsher the criticism becomes everything from how we look how we dress who we're dating what age we're dating at and men don't experience the same ridicule that we get and so i'm curious what your experience has been as a woman in the public eye and out of the public eye with age. I get the miniskirt question all the time. Like, so how long are you going to wear miniskirts? Like, that is always like a question. Like, a miniskirt is always very, you know, it's very much a thing, I guess. And I've said many times, I'm like, I probably will be walking around at 70 if I feel like it, still with a miniskirt if I want to show my legs, you know.

4:33I don't know. I feel like this is the process so I look at it very how it is yeah you know what I mean I see all my flaws when I well not so much anymore because my eyesight is getting worse but I see my flaws you know and especially when I have the magnifying glasses and I you know obviously but this is it that's the that's how life is you know you you climb you get older and then you it gets it goes down the hill again you know with our looks and not being plump anymore and this that and the other but at the end of the day I still look in the mirror and I feel good about myself and you know I still have the passion for shopping for fun things and you know putting on fun outfits and doing my hair and do my makeup you know maybe if that passion for dressing up and making yourself look cute or what you think looks cute you know maybe then that's different then but I don't have that yet I still have the fire in me even though I'm 50 now and I can see the 60 over there you know turning 51 in June but it's still like I love fun things and I'm still running around the beach with my boobs hanging out and I don't really care and yes do they look like how they looked before I had kids and they suck the living daylight out of them like they are different now and that's and yes thanks for pointing it out it's true they're different because I had four kids and I breastfed them and yes yeah you know so when someone asks you that about the mini skirt does it annoy you or is it just like you don't even think about it anymore like how does it affect you when people do objectify you to be like no you're too old to be doing that like how does it feel if they think that so be it I don't care again you know I feel very strong with myself that even though people say those types of things it doesn't really get to me yeah you know because I don't see it that way I look at myself and yes my legs do not look like your legs you're in your 20s so it's very different obviously but I still feel okay with my legs you know and therefore I go for it and who knows maybe when I'm 60 and we sit here again I might be like I'm done with the mini skirts because I don't feel it anymore right but as long as I feel it I don't really care what people think or say to me I don't I really don't what I'm getting from you is like you don't give a shit like people can say oh Heidi's gotten older Heidi's done this or when you hit 40 maybe when you hit 30 like everyone had something to say especially because you've been so public and your job has been a lot of it is like your looks I always love when I pull up photos and they're like oh look at you here look at you there you kind of chubby here and then you're super skinny I'm like yes also what you don't realize I have four kids so I've been pregnant and then you know once you've had your baby it's not like your stomach is flat immediately so you deflate a little bit everything is still a little bit pudgy or whatnot and I had that four times so in out in out the stomach I mean it stretches to beyond and back so uh you know I love always when they get pictures out and they're like look at you here look how plum you're here and I'm like yes I'm pregnant here you know when you I guess my question is like when these things are happening like someone pointing that out like does it bother you at all or you genuinely you don't care no that's what I was gonna say is like I feel like you have such a unique energy that I think is enviable truly from women like I feel like a lot of us in the industry feel so frustrated by the fixation on i get comments of like you're too old to be doing that now and i'm like i'm what like i'm what do they tell you you're too old like if i'm if i'm going out and like drinking um and like having a fun night at a party it's like that's kind of really immature and like you're too old for that now and i'm like i i've said it before i'm like i know what you're 27 i'm 29 yeah this is crazy so now we now we're dead or what right 50 you're dead you're almost 30 you're gonna be dead dead I'm dead I'm literally dead I'm not allowed to drink alcohol now or no they want me to sit at home and drink my alcohol right yeah don't dance I mean sometimes I will be in the club and literally I might be the oldest person there I love it you know but again I really don't care that's what I think is is something that I think is a unique perspective and I think we're really fortunate to have you as one of the people that's going to speak on this because I feel like the more we can have that mentality as women of like I don't give a fuck oh my god my legs aren't that obviously why aren't we all have one thing in common we will all die there will be an end to all of this so why listen to all this negative noise surround yourself with people that are great that are positive you know shake off all the nonsense and just do you and do you however big or small how you want to do some people want to cover up great I'm not some people want to be religious some don't do what you want to do yeah we only have that one life until we die so marry who you want to marry yes be with who you want to be with wear as many mini skirts as you want to pick and wear yes and rock it I mean I understand you have to do whatever is allowed to do I would never go to a country and obviously behave like that you know I'm always very respectful full of every you know I don't want to step on anyone's toes but you know no I think truly like it couldn't be a better answer and I think it I hope a lot of women take that from like when I get a lot of women writing in of like people are saying like I'm either dressing too sexy at my job and I'm just wearing a pencil skirt and it's like no it's because the men can't control themselves because you're dressed appropriately it's like not we can wear what we want to wear And it shouldn't be like, you're a slut because you're wearing that.

10:31Like that has nothing to do with anything. It's just like, why do we have to judge women on what they wear, what they look like? Let us just fucking live. Yes. Amen. Yes. So the main thing that I took away from Heidi is how she essentially fully rejects anyone's opinions around aging. And she has so much self-love. It is infectious. And it was infectious when I was in the room with her. And I want to also be very clear, like it is not lost on me that Heidi Klum is a freaking supermodel. But I do think it's important to note that if we've learned anything from women sharing their stories, it's that I do not care how beautiful you are or how successful you are.

11:14every single woman experiences the universal feeling of being objectified, of being shamed for aging and being told what we should and should not be doing when we hit a specific certain age, right? Like there is no right way to tackle each age and there is no right way to act at each age. No one is too old to do anything. Like in my opinion, I feel like we need to stop saying someone is too old to be doing something or too old to be wearing something because, and I know this is like a really simple concept because we, but because we don't speak about it this way, it does sound kind of funny when you say it, like, isn't the goal to get older?

11:57No, like, isn't the goal in life to get older? We want to live a long, happy, healthy life. Why are we shaming people for doing that? And I know I personally have not experienced motherhood, but it was incredibly empowering hearing Heidi talk about embracing her body changing throughout having children like I feel like a lot of women experience the stress on some level of wondering what will happen if I get pregnant right how much weight will I gain will it be hard to bounce back will I be sexy anymore will I be able to return to my pre-baby body like what I'm realizing is all of our bodies will change every single year that we're alive and every day that we get older no fucking shit that is life it is a privilege to age so I don't know it's just really odd to me that this concept is made to feel so fucking depressing and scary for women obviously like no man hits 30 and everyone's like oh god it's going to no they're like oh he's entering his prime like 30 for women versus 30 for men is just different as is every fucking thing in life men have an experience and everyone is like yay and women have an experience and there's like 19 different daunting facts that someone's gonna fucking give you right um something I want truly everyone to walk away from this episode gaining is more of that Heidi Klum self-love energy like again I'm aware I was in the room with a supermodel and yet I'll be real I remember feeling so confident in front of Heidi and that day just being around Heidi because the way that Heidi spoke to me and about herself and women in general was really inspiring and I left wanting to just treat myself more than the way she does right like be more confident wear whatever makes you feel good embrace changes in your body and essentially do what makes you happy and fucking enjoy yourself okay so i'm very excited to get into my conversation with laverne cox now because with heidi we were talking about essentially rejecting this fear around aging and laverne does an incredible job of explaining where this fear comes from

14:33so i just wanted to talk to you kind of about like the fascination of women as we age and the fixation on our looks and our bodies and our sexuality and how we express that and how you felt about it with society and also within yourself i have internalized so much ageism for years until maybe three or four years ago i lied about my age i started lying about my age when i was 27 so i think so this would have been like 20 years ago and it took me many months years really in therapy but i really started working on it like eight like in 2018 i started like really trying to like unpack the stories i told myself around aging part of this the narrative as i said is that i'm not hireable i'm not fuckable i'm not dateable over a certain age and that age was like 35 honestly so i was like i just won't be when i turned 40 i wasn't 40 and i started to unpack all of that how i'd internalize that and then i started looking around at my life and I was like, well, I'm over 40 and I'm working.

15:40I'm working a lot. I had a boyfriend at the time. I was having sex, you know, so I apparently was fuckable, dateable and hireable. And so all of the myths I had about being a woman of a certain age weren't actually the reality of my life. I've had conversations so far, and this is really helpful where a lot of women including like myself it's like there's this like fear that we are like our worth is predicated on the way that we look as women and a lot of it we've just been like objectified and people will be like oh you're not hot anymore oh now you have wrinkles or oh you're saggy tits or you're this or that it's all that's real from all that's real for me i think that like even if i weren't an actress working on intel film and television in high def that would be an issue for me.

16:29I'm 51 years old. I feel really blessed that melanin is such a wonderful anti-aging thing, but I'm also afraid of aging. I'm afraid of look. I'm not afraid of aging. I'm afraid of looking old. I am. That is the truth. That is the reality. And when I, you know, there are little things, there are things that are happening as a 51 year old woman, even though I think I look pretty good for 51, there are things that are happening that I see and I'm like, okay, I'm going to have to address this. And there is a lot of anxiety that I have about getting older and looking older. And when you say that, though, Laverne, like just to explain to people, like as a woman, like what why do you have anxiety?

17:14It is it is tied to the patriarchy and misogyny that I've internalized around my value for sure. It is definitely tied to, you know, being commercially viable, being sexy still, being, you know, photogenic and, you know, all these things, being on magazine covers, like runways, red carpets. It's tied to my work, but it's tied to my sense of feeling attractive. Well, I mean, I have a partner now who just like is so turned on by me, which is like so awesome. um it's great um but it's but that's not i've learned too that men have always been attracted to me not to be i'm not that i'm fooling myself but you know i've been in dick car for 30 plus years honey it is what it is so it's that's not there's no i mean i don't like that when i was younger i maybe valued that but i i'm a grown woman i don't that's not it's not about that it's about how i feel about myself it's what i want to see when i look in the mirror honestly um and but it is about so much of it is about viability it's it's um Kimberly Foster who has this great um um blog um YouTube channel called for Harriet um talks about like social um um beauty hierarchy and talks about beauty as capital um we I interviewed her on my podcast and beauty is capital there is when you look a certain way and you um the and the hierarchy is is a white supremacist beauty standard.

18:49It's a young beauty standard. It's like, you know, it's fat phobic. It's, you know, all the things, right? And when you're higher on that beauty hierarchy that is determined by sort of capitalism and age and racism and all fat phobia and all these things, there are things that you may or may not have access to. Beauty isn't enough. There's so many beautiful women who don't get access to those things. So it's not always enough, but there are things that you might have access to because of that. So it's about capital. It's about having capital in a capitalist society. And luckily for me, I didn't feel beautiful growing up.

19:34I always wanted to feel beautiful. I feel like I was a late bloomer. And so the beautiful thing about my childhood is that the emphasis was about my talent and my intelligence. and I know that I'm not on magazine covers just because like you know I can quote you know bell hooks and you know intersectional feminist thought um that I I'm kind of cute you know I can take a good photograph and I know my angles because I practice and watch America's Next Out model and so like yeah a lot of my work is about how I look but I also like know that like Like, there are younger women. There's always a younger woman who's prettier than me.

20:14There's tons of women who are younger and prettier. And what else is there? So I don't, so it's like, it's hard. And I haven't, I don't know if I have an answer. What I do love is that at this age, I'm going to be 52 in May, is that there's less, I give fewer fucks at this age. And that's amazing. And. I'm able to care for myself better and set better boundaries. I have resources for skin care. I'm grateful that I, you know, even they say the black don't crack thing, but I've taken good care of myself. I've never done drugs. I've never drank in excess. All those things age you. I stay out of the sun.

21:00so I'm grateful for all that stuff but like when the age starts showing um I'm probably gonna have a facelift or do something I'm probably gonna do something of course I'm like oh I think I would want one too and then I'm like pause why and I think that's where there is no answer today and I think there's great facelifts too like there's there's there's there's it's really interesting like the early maintenance facelifts allegedly according to Laurie Hills some of the celebrities who were like in their late 30s getting facelifts allegedly I'm like girl and they look good but hopefully I won't need one anytime soon.

21:32You look fucking amazing. Thank you. I feel, you know, I think I clean up nice. I think I look good in the morning too sometimes. But it's something I'm, it's on my mind. I'm over 50. It's like, it's on my mind. I love what you said though. And we can even like just end it on that. Cause I, I agree. There is no solution because it is rooted in the patriarchy. And you're right. There is like social capital that you can gain. Like if you're more attractive, you can get these things. that's not going to like fulfill you in life but it is a fact but i do think like you're so right oddly as much as it's been told to us as women like when you get older it's terrifying i have found about to turn 30 and everyone's like oh my god are you so nervous about being 30 and the work that i've done on myself in therapy i'm finally like absolutely fucking not i'm not scared because i've never felt more sure of myself i've never felt more confident in my own skin i was so insecure when I was younger I was you have a career too for me so much of my life is about a career when I turned 30 and I had not made it yet that was my that was my trauma I was like I that was the age the big age thing for me was that I hadn't achieved my goals yet when I was 30 I was supposed to be a superstar by the time I was 30 and I was far from it I wasn't one when I was 40 you know I was gonna quit acting when I turned 40 so a lot of it was about around success and like milestones around success that I had set for myself that didn't happen um on that timeline God's time not my time so a lot of it was about that but um you know when I'm I just I was just on the cover of British Vogue with some amazing um women and Selma Hayek um um we were talking and she was saying how wonderful it is for her in her 50s and that the opportunities are different There is something wonderful about this age.

23:20There really is. There is wisdom. I know better. I treat myself better. There are certain things that I will not abide. I have seen some of the fruits of my labor, and that is unbelievable. I own a home. I own two homes, which is condos, but still. I'm a condo girl. I couldn't deal with a house. houses are too much maintenance, especially when you're traveling. Life is good. And I'm so blessed and so grateful. And what I'm most grateful for is I've done the work. And when I say the work, because I've done a lot of work, I've done the work on myself so that I can actually be in my body and be like that kid who disassociated because of trauma.

24:05I've done specific trauma resilience work so I can be in my body. So I'm sitting here now. I feel my feet on the floor. I feel myself in this chair. I am in my body and inhabiting it and at peace in it. And that's amazing. Like, I love my body. You know, these are really wonderful things. And it's so funny because when I'm looking back on like 30-year-old Laverne, who just was constantly picking myself apart, and I look back at pictures and I'm just like, bitch, the metabolism, just the metabolism. you should have been so fucking grateful for that 30 year old metabolism that 21 year old metabolism when you were beating yourself up it was such a waste of energy it was such a waste but I you know the only way you know is to go through it

25:10Daddy gang, I think that Laverne did such an incredible job of explaining women's worth being so heavily tied to their appearance. As Laverne said, there is always going to be a younger, prettier, hotter woman out there. So how can we build ourselves into someone that we're proud of outside of our appearance, right? Like when I look at my life, no matter what the fuck my face looks like. I have built this career. I have built amazing friendships. I have built a healthy, incredible marriage so far. I have interests and passions and perspectives that could never be taken away no matter how fucking saggy my tits get.

26:00Okay. These things could be rock bottom. These things could be to the motherfucking ankle, slinging it low. OK, but I still have my well, maybe I wouldn't have my career. No, I'll just start doing more audio. I'm just kidding. The point is, I will still have my career. I will still have those relationships. It doesn't fucking matter. And I want to say to the daddy gang, like if you're stressed about aging and how it's going to change the attention that you get from men or the way that you're treated in society. My advice is to first acknowledge that you cannot avoid aging. You need to build out the aspects of life that have nothing to do with how you look and find self-worth outside of your appearance, right?

26:49Like building a full life for yourself is in my opinion, now that I've turned 30, it's how you build confidence like as I'm going to continue to age I pray when someone is describing me I hope that my appearance is the last thing they mention if anything I'm happy if they don't even mention my appearance like at this stage in my life I would be so honored if someone said oh Alex Cooper she's super smart hard working fun great to be around not just like oh yeah she's so fucking hot there is so much more to me there's so much more to all of you than just the way we look like don't allow anyone to reduce you to a visual because bitch visuals get boring okay we're always like what else is there what else is new we don't want to just rely on the exterior and I think that gets lost on us a lot a lot of it has to do with vanity I myself constantly find myself being like Alex like stop why the fuck are you like dissecting what you're looking do I need more Botox and what is that I I know I need to do a better job and that's why this episode is so important to me right now.

27:54So I am so excited to have you guys listen to Allie Raisman on this topic. Allie talks about how her life at 30 is not what she planned and not what she expected. She thought she would be married with children at this point, but she is currently single. And I think so many women can relate to the concept of you have a certain idea and plan and milestones that you want to hit. And then all of a sudden, the plan is out the window. You didn't hit any of those specific milestones. Your life looks way different than what you thought it would be. And it's hard to not feel like you're doing something wrong.

28:39But it's so inspiring to hear Allie talk about, while it's not what she expected, she has never felt more sure of herself. And she's never felt happier as someone who just turned 30. I feel like maybe my experience might be different than some other women. And I feel very grateful that I feel like the older I've gotten, I think the more confident I've gotten in myself. And I actually hope that a lot of women or all women experience that. But I think that, as you mentioned, there is ageism in our society and people are really critical. of women and I feel like as I've gotten older I have more figured out who I am I've feel like I've kind of like come into myself more like I feel like I'm more in my body I'm more comfortable I feel more relaxed I still obviously have many days and moments where I still I still have so much work to do on myself but I feel more confident in how I look now than I did when I was in my early 20s and I think that maybe that just comes with time and age and maybe just doing a lot of therapy and also recognizing like if I go on a date with someone or I'm friends with someone and they don't make me feel good they're being mean to me like that's not someone I want in my life And so I think learning the importance of like support system and community and surrounding myself with people who are there for me and challenge me in ways that's healthy and help me be better, I think has been very important.

30:19Wow. That's beautiful. I appreciate you sharing that too, because I think that gives women something to like be hopeful for that they can get to that point also, because obviously I know in media, it's just like when women get older and we're just like, oh, she's old now or whatever. like it's just frustrating but I remember I wrote down like your teammates called you grandma Allie at your first Olympics even though you were only 18 years old you were the grandma of the team and I think the industry of gymnastics as a whole it like views your worth basically in its prime as a teenager and so aging I think becomes like a little bit more exacerbated in that community and in that field how has has that complicated your relationship to aging like to be called a grandma at 18 years old I'm like what you couldn't even have a legal drink you couldn't even rent a car I was actually it was in 2016 when I was 22 they called me grandma which is still 22 but still it's you know it's funny yeah I think that that is interesting thinking about and I feel like they still joke and call me grandma.

31:29So I think I always maybe felt this pressure to be like a mom figure and I didn't want to let anyone down. And I always like wanted to just make sure I was like saying the right thing and doing the right thing. But I feel like even at 30, I feel like I'm 22 now or how like I wish I felt at 22. Like I still feel young and I feel good. And I feel like I'm just, I'm excited to get older. Cause I feel like the older I get, the more I like figure out my style or what I feel comfortable wearing what I want to wear like I feel more comfortable in my body as I already mentioned I just feel more comfortable speaking up for myself so I think that it is something I think about though or sometimes I'm like I can't believe I'm 30 where I feel like I think society is hopefully changing where like 30 doesn't feel so old anymore but it felt like it was so old when I was younger and now I still feel so young and I have so much of my life but I don't know it's funny when I hang out though with people who are like in their early 20s like depending on who it is I it's funny just to see like the age difference or like seeing myself in them like it's just interesting I feel like with gymnastics I had teammates and friends at like all different stages of life so I had some friends who are much older than me some who are much younger and so it's just really cool I also feel like age doesn't matter at the same time like if I'm hanging out with one of my teammates who's like 22 and I'm 30 like it doesn't feel like yeah or maybe in a good way I feel like I'm 22 with them and we're having the best time together so I feel like as I get older it doesn't really matter but we make it matter so much but there is so much pressure like with how we look and um I like admire so much the the people who are like as they've gotten older like they just have been so honest who are in the public eye as women of like what their experience is because it's hard to share their their experience and I also think like you and I were in a time where it's more it's so much more acceptable to talk about things and it's like cool to be vulnerable where like I can't imagine you know 10 15 20 years ago being so famous and the things they used to write on the tabloids and maybe 10 years ago isn't even like maybe that's maybe it still is happening today um people are still brutal but I just like sometimes when I look back at some of the articles that they used to write about people it's just horrific and I can't imagine what so many female celebrities have gone through like the trauma of that like I through my life like my weight has fluctuated And people, of course, have like written mean things online, which is just it's terrible.

34:15But for the women who are like literally gain a pound in there, like in a bathing suit and they write the nastiest things about them, it's just so mean. And I can't even believe that's something that is allowed that people do that. It's just like no wonder women feel so much pressure. You're so right. And I even think when you're saying that about like those tabloids, just like the effect it then had on like more young women that are sitting at home, like looking up to these women and they're like, this person is fat. And it's like, or this person is so anorexic. And it's like, how are we writing this on tabloids?

34:47Because then if a woman, if a young girl looked at those things and was like, but I look like that. So am I fat or am I anorexic? Or do I have an eating disorder? Like whatever it is, whatever the tabloids felt so comfortable to write, I agree with you. I think it's it is there's so much emphasis on women's looks from everything externally so it's hard as a woman to like not think like oh my god am I getting older how do I look and we all will have a moment where we deal with that but I love what you're saying and it made me like excited and happy for women if we can look at it this way where you're like I feel so much better and I feel so much more myself and I feel the same like people keep asking me like how do you feel when you know you're going to turn 30 soon and I'm like I feel like I'm already 30 like I feel like I'm 35 like I feel like I'm 40 like I I feel like there's a shift that happened recently for me where I feel so much more sure of myself and I feel so much more like aware of what I want and who I am and what makes me happy.

35:50And I look back at my younger self and as amazing as I like was, and I want to cheer myself on back then. I'm also like, girl, you had no idea of so many things. You allowed certain things to happen to you. You wouldn't speak up for yourself. You weren't self-assured. You weren't confident. Like there's so many things that like came with experiences and growth. And so it's like, when we look at all these younger women and sure at like face value, when like what because men are like oh those 18 year olds are so hot like okay but I feel so much better now than I was at 18 and I not to say that 18 wasn't fun but like we have more to look forward to as women and I think if that is what the narrative can be more women will celebrate each other rather than like comparing and freaking out and wondering like what do I have to get done or or should I not get anything done?

36:42Or how do I look? And what am I doing? Like embrace that, like aging is a privilege and it's fun. And it's like, Oh my God, I feel better than ever. And we're both about to be like in our thirties, like, let's go. I feel like this is going to be the best decade yet. Yes. I'm so excited. I also think when you're younger, like you did the best that you could and we're all doing the best that we could. So I feel like we're often so hard on ourselves, but like we all did the best that we could with what we knew and what we had at the time. But I think like to people's questions too, and people are like, how do you feel about turning 30?

37:16Like, why can't we just be like, congratulations. That's so exciting. Like, you know, making it more of a positive because it is such a privilege to be able to be 30 and to be able to feel good and to be healthy. And I think you're right. I think there is this like fear that a lot of women have where it's like, oh my gosh, am I still going to be like attractive as I get older? But like, I think it's sexy and attractive and it should hopefully be to other people like when you're more comfortable in our own like bodies and in our mind and we're like that is more yeah exactly it should be more attractive when I see like a woman that's like in her 40s 50s 60s that is like walking around just like confident I'm like oh my god I want to be her you can feel it but again it's like because she's gone through shit and she now like you said I don't care anymore like you don't care about those little things that just like growing up you do and like your frontal lobe isn't even developed to like what like 23 so like yes I'm excited and I think that you're right it's instead of saying like how do you feel about turning 30 it's like oh my god I can just see it on you like this is about to be your best year yet yes like you just feel so like I can just tell you're radiating wait are you telling me or you're just telling you and everyone okay okay I'm telling all of us and like girls yeah it's about to be the best ever and so every year that we continue to live and get new experiences like it just gets better yeah and also like people don't talk enough about when you're in your 20s it's like you're just figuring out who you are and and like to any person listening in their 20s like I wish I could go back in time and tell myself like you can and you should communicate what you need and if someone doesn't listen to you like that's on them and they're they don't deserve to be in your life if they're not going to be supportive so I also want to normalize that you know when you're dating in your 20s like it's important it's cool and it should be like the cool thing to like empower each other to like ask for what you need and be supportive and if you both realize like this is not a fit that's also cool you both would wish each other best go on your way but like I want young girls and women to whether they're you know 21 or 30 or 40 to like feel empowered to know that what they want is is allowed and it's okay and it's important to find people who support that and like a partner in dating who makes them feel good and they should also empower their partner to also speak up too I just love Allie's mentality on this entire topic because she feels like a breath of fresh air with her view on turning 30.

39:53Like a lot of my friends are turning 30 and they don't all approach it with such excitement, understandably. But I feel like Allie was able to put into words the beauty of taking the time to figure out who you are and truly getting to know yourself because working on yourself and discovering who you are does not stop at 30. If anything, in my opinion, 30 is like a fucking awakening. Okay. 30 in my opinion is right when you really are starting to get a hold of what you want, what makes you happy, who you are, what you value in life. Like confidence is a really big word that I like in and of itself, I could do like 40 fucking episodes on confidence.

40:42But I think when it comes to aging and confidence, there are two ways that you can look at it. you can look in the mirror and you can go, shit, I have wrinkles now and I'm not as young as I once was and I will never look as good as I used to and I need to do everything I possibly can to stop this, which is allowing, again, aging to just completely destroy your confidence and own your life. Or you can do the Allie approach, which is to look in the mirror and go, damn, look at everything I've accomplished, everything I'm equipped to do, and what an amazing life I've built for myself. And it's just going to keep getting better.

41:24And I love that Allie takes this approach into dating too, to all my single daddy gang out there. Like when you get older, you are not going to accept the same shitty treatment from guys at 30 than you would when you were 20. Having all of those years of experience means years of recognizing red flags, maybe engaging in some of the toxic and being like, no, no, no, bitch. You literally couldn't, you couldn't trick me into your trap. If you fucking tried, I know what toxic looks like and smells like I'm not fucking interested. I know that red flag. I've been there before. Like we go through shit and we learn from our experiences and years of dating will lead you to know what you don't want to put up with in a relationship.

42:10Right? So daddy gang, I, I hope hearing from Heidi Laverne and Allie just like I don't know maybe it helped shift your perspective on the importance of accepting and embracing getting older like it is so deeply ingrained in us to fear aging and to want to avoid it and feel the need to put ourselves down and feel like we aren't as valuable the older that we get I think this is especially true if you grew up in a household where maybe your mom was always picking herself apart maybe making like very negative comments about her body and her wrinkles like not liking the way that she looked in the mirror like it is really hard to break out of that way of thinking and if it's not coming from your household you're definitely seeing it on social media every single post these days feels like it's like buy this put this on your face like sleep with this thing on your head and like get this procedure and here's a 10-step program of how to basically not look like yourself it is everywhere and it is all too much.

43:12Life goes by so fast. I don't want us spending the majority of it feeling insecure and dreading, if not the most beautiful aspect of life, which is getting older, having more life experiences, having more time with friends and family and holidays and all of it. We just get to experience more. I hope when I'm 40, I look back at turning 30 and think, wow, I had so many amazing things ahead I didn't even know how good it was gonna get and that's how I feel now looking back at my 20s I also know there's a lot of women listening today and we could be at complete different points in life right you may be listening and you may have three children or you may be listening and you are currently single I want to make sure it's clear Like this specific conversation I'm having today with you guys does not revolve around the specificity of your relationship status, your dating life, your home life.

44:13That's not what this is about. It's a mindset. The point is after listening to this episode, I hope that you can completely change your view to reject anti-aging culture, reject the negativity you see online, reject the ads and the constant fixation on the external things and choose to focus on being happy and being present and living life the way that you want to and not allowing yourself to feel defeated every single year that you get older but instead which I'm trying to do now is feel so grateful and excited to get to know yourself a little bit more every single year so daddy gang I love you you sexy beautiful spicy little bitches cheers to getting older and to being alive like I I think that it sounds so crazy but it's like when I see these things on social media of people like judging someone for getting older I'm like bitch you would be so blessed you would be so blessed if you're looking at like look at the way we look at our moms and our grandmothers like I sat with Matt's grandmother the other day and she's a hundred years old in December she will be 101 years old and the way that she talks about her life is so fucking inspiring and she has that thing that I admire so much when I was talking about Heidi like that confidence of just like I fucking love my life and I love my family and I'm just so grateful to be here and not letting these little things like make you feel like you're in a cage and you're comfortable and you want to get out of your body, like own it and have a good time because we're fucking here once.

45:58And I know it's corny to say, but like, I think we fucking miss that sometimes. I think when we're all on social media all day, we're like writing these things down. Like I need to get this done. You don't need to do anything that you don't want to do. And so next time that you're feeling insecure, pause and go touch some fucking grass. Cause I have been doing that lately and actually really fucking helps. Um, okay. I love you daddy gang. I hope this episode was what you needed to hear this week. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.