He’s Not “Just a Bad Texter”

0:00Daddy gang, welcome back to another Sunday session with your father. I am so excited to be back with you guys and to spend this lovely, lovely Sunday, just you and me. I woke up this morning to probably one of the best texts that a girl can get from one of her single girlfriends. It was a screenshot of the conversation my friend was having with the guy that she recently started seeing. And she asked me, what should I say? now this type of shit is my Super Bowl. Like in this moment, I'm fucking stretching. I'm warming up my thumbs. I'm asking for more screenshots. I'm like, send me more context.

0:46Send me all the things. Like I'm setting up a game plan in this moment. This is the shit I fucking love. Like, do we want him to ask you out again? Right? Like I'm setting the scene of like, what do we want out of this? Right? Like, do we want to start sexting in this moment? Do we need a one-liner to kind of put him in his place. Like, what exactly is our objective here? And all my friends know I fucking love this shit, so I'm always the person that they ask for this advice. Basically, he had asked her what her plans were for the weekend. So what she needed was for us to kind of craft the perfect answer that made her sound not too available, but it still left a little room for him to, like, ask her out on another date.

1:28and after a few texts back and forth we successfully secured my friend a Sunday brunch date and I am now on standby ready to go for the next texting round. Sunday morning fathes calling do do do do do do do every Sunday's fathes day. What the fuck? That was pretty good right? here's the thing that I was thinking about and I kind of want to talk about right now is like as sad as it may be the truth is texting can genuinely make or break a new potential relationship that's a fact this is the day and age that we live in I know people may fucking hate it sometimes I do too but it's the reality of the situation if you are texting too much or not texting enough or he doesn't get your tone or the cadence is off it can literally make it feel like there is incompatibility and there is an issue that may actually not even exist there in real life but the texting is the thing that is completely fucking the whole thing up and this is why I personally feel really strong that in the initial stages of dating the majority of your conversations need to be face-to-face.

2:48And I know sometimes that's not as easy as we want it to be, but like it is imperative that you are majority in the beginning face-to-face. And when it comes to texting someone that you are in the early stages of seeing, less, which I've learned throughout my years, less is so, so, so much more. Again, depending on the relationship you're going for, if you're just going to like have the fuck boy and you want him to like talk to you and you want to get into the plans sure texting can be like a game changer but if you're looking for a real genuine relationship is what I'm talking about here today daddy gang texting less is more texting in my opinion can really blur the lines in terms of getting to know someone it can create this like false sense of closeness and you may end up falling for a version of this person that doesn't actually exist right like when you're texting someone you're not really talking to them the way that you would in real life.

3:47They are curating their side of the conversation. They have time to craft the perfect message back to you. There's also a chance that they're not even the one that is sending it. Maybe their best friend, aka me, is the one coming up with the response. And that is actually the fucking person that you're texting. You're not actually texting the person that you had sex with the other night. You're texting their best friend, which like you know we are one in the same but that's not the fucking point okay in real life there is a natural flow that tells you if you guys click right but over text you can just never tell if the chemistry is actually real or is it like god we have such good texting banter chemistry and I know sometimes texting can be a lot and it can almost feel like the security blanket in the early days of dating especially emphasis on especially before the first date it can make you feel way less nervous to go and fucking meet a random person like yeah I'm gonna want to have a good amount of texting before I like randomly show up and be like hey Bob like we want to have a little inside joke already like there's things that I totally get leaning into texting before you meet someone it gives you reassurance that you will be able to even have a fucking conversation with them when you actually meet them in person.

5:07So I totally get that. But I think it comes to a point where the constant texting, it then just makes it almost awkward in person, like light on the awkward. It depends, but it could be kind of awkward in person because you don't really know this guy, but now you feel like you do because you're having these long, deep paragraph conversations and then you meet in person again and it's like your third date and you've like had some like really honest conversations on text but then one of you is not really leaning as much because you're kind of a coward because you're like that was easy to say on text and now I don't know how to say it in person like it's confusing it's genuinely confusing so you really only need to be texting someone in my opinion in early stages to just coordinate the next time that you're going to see each other and like obviously a couple nice follow-ups of like that was so fun I'm so happy we got to hang out like let's do it again sometime and then like maybe one quick check-in to be like how was your day-to-day blah blah and then like when are we seeing each other again there doesn't need to be this long span of texting like when you're waking up and texting someone all day daddy gang and I don't mean to hurt your feelings because I have been there that's a pen pal that's a pen pal I remember I had a seventh grade pen pal that like my teacher set up for us though in like a different country and we would like write to our pen pals like we don't need that you know what I mean like you don't need a man with a dick that you're trying to actually have a relationship with to become your pen pal and it honestly it can become extremely boring extremely fast or it can be the opposite where it's so thrilling you talk about fucking everything and more in your trauma and your wants and your needs and your health and then you're literally about to go on your second date and you've texting wise already covered a to fucking Z, they know everything about your life, then you're kind of like, what else is left?

6:59Like, you can only think about this. You can only ask someone, how did you sleep so many times before? It's like, what are we doing here? I actually don't give a fuck how you slept because it's past 17 times I've asked you. You said, great. Like, I totally get it can be fun to have someone to text. Let's be really honest about the current stage of life that we're in. Everyone is addicted to their phones and it can be really nice to have someone to text especially on days where you're bored or you're feeling lonely but then I think we need to realize like this person is just filling a void for you and that is not a good way to enter into a potential real relationship right like and listen like there's no shame in doing this because again I have been guilty of doing it I I remember, so in my early 20s, I was in one of those phases.

7:52I had gotten out of long-term relationship, and we all know how that goes. You get so used to texting your boyfriend all the time. And then he was gone, and I was single. And I was like, I'm just looking for some attention and some companionship. And so I saw this guy on a dating app, and we both started talking on the dating app, and we transitioned into texting. And he was in the NFL. He was hot. He had tattoos. he was tall he was successful and I was super interested in him like I was like oh my god this guy is like everything I needed in my 20s but he didn't live in this in the state that I lived in so early days we started just texting all of the talking that we were doing was just texting and then at first the texting was so fun you guys we were sending fucking paragraphs like I just reference like we were obsessed with each other like I would literally get my fucking dinner in and I would sit down and I would like craft my next paragraph send it and then he would sometimes answer in 30 seconds or we would like give it 30 minutes and then we are back to he would send his paragraph and it was like oh my god what I wish I could have said is Alex that's your pen pal honey that's your fucking pen pal why are you if you are putting your fucking thumbs to work for a paragraph that is not making you money stop let's just let's put that into action daddy gang anyone on the internet if you think about that why are we spending that much pick up the phone go see them in person oh you can't because they won't take you on a date then stop fucking putting sweat equity into a fucking text that's gonna do nothing for you nothing for you we're just fucking mailing it in.

9:36We're like, let me give you my funniest one-liners. Let me fucking tell you my life story. For what? For what? It's going to go fucking nowhere. It's a fun little pen pal fling that was a fucking love romance on a fucking text chain and then poof, then you're bored. You're like, we've literally talked about every single fucking thing and I haven't even met you yet. Done. So obviously, you know where the story goes. The texting then got boring, but then we went on to voice notes. Oh, voice notes. Great. Loving it. Then the voice notes got boring. Okay. So then I tried sexting him naturally. The only thing you can do where you're like, where do I pivot?

10:13Where do I pivot? Pussy. We started sexting. That got boring. Then we started FaceTime sex, but it was only FaceTime sex. We weren't like having FaceTimes and talking. It would be like, we'd start sexting and then it'd be like, okay, okay, okay. And then we'd get on FaceTime sex and it would basically just be like finish and then like the phone would land in the pillow and then like I don't know who ended up hanging up each time but like we never talked much okay the point is then it finally got to the point of like okay we need to plan to meet up right we got to meet up and then we finally ended up meeting up in person and I realized why everything was getting boring and every part of it was getting stale and why I felt like I kept having to ramping shit up was because this man and I had zero fucking chemistry.

11:00He was not fucking interesting, in my opinion. He was really fucking dumb. He was really dumb. He was, and I was glamorizing this man across the country that played in the NFL. And I was like, oh my God, you're stupid. Like we cannot intellectually connect. And that's fine. Like that's totally fine but like oh my god how did I last almost six months mentally not well on the head but like how did I last that long we had nothing to fucking talk about in person now I've wasted months of my life getting excited about him and thinking about where things could go when I could have been prioritizing someone actually in my city that I could have started dating and I actually could have clicked with in real fucking life but the texting got so in my head because it was good because no one is that fucking real on text think about that I started this whole fucking story at the beginning being like my best friend fucking told me what should I respond to this what well what I should fucking say to her is like what do you want to respond but like no that's not fun it's the part of the game right but when do you stop the game and transition to real I also want to clarify like this isn't to say that relationships can't start out long distance and start out on text right because you guys know Matt and I were long distance at first but I think the key difference of why I look back of like why did Matt and I work compared to me and that NFL guy aside from like IQ was Matt and I had like actual deep in-person conversations before we had to virtually try and get to know each other we established our rhythm and got to know each other as real human beings.

12:40We had in-person dates. We were physically connecting and emotionally connecting in person. And I think that's honestly the reason why we were able to work out even with long distance. Also, I will say another point of why I guess it worked is that Matt and I were not texting all day every day when we were apart. We kind of saved talking about our days and catching up on things until we set time to have FaceTime calls at night. So like we would basically not talk all day and then it basically left us room to miss each other throughout the day. And then we would get on FaceTime and talk for like an hour to two every single night.

13:19But I think when you're just nonstop texting, you get addicted to the rush of hearing your phone buzz and it's hard to tell how you're actually feeling about the guy because it's this excitement of like, I wonder what he said to me. You're really, it's almost just a mirror. You're really just kind of seeing like was my text good enough to respond to what is he going to say to my joke how did he respond to it like we're looking for validation in a really fucking weird way and I think especially with social media we've gotten so used to like how many likes did I get how many views did it get I do think it's kind of trickling into our relationship with men on texting of like how fast is he replying like it's all almost this like game that's getting a little unhealthy.

14:00I also think texting only really flows once you do get to know someone's tone. And I like I personally have a really dry sense of humor. And there were guys I remember when I was single where I would be texting in the early stages and they just like completely did not understand when I was joking about something. I remember there was this one hockey player. He was a Leo and I was a Leo. And it was like a fucking disaster. And in the beginning days, I was like oh I think we're gonna like hate fuck each other because we like I would send a genuinely funny sarcastic joke I thought and then he would be like what's your fucking problem and I was like oh my god no like I'm like it was a joke and he's like why is everything a fucking joke to you and then I'd be like oh my god like I'm I'm so sorry I wasn't like joking about that with like your family like I thought you had joked about it before and then meanwhile I didn't know he was being like yeah I know I'm kidding and then I'm literally like about to shit myself being like this man thinks I'm actually a terrorist and meanwhile he's like fucking with me back completely went over both of our heads though and we both eventually did want to kill each other and it was like we did hate fuck each other and then it went nowhere because the texting set us up for this like aggro relationship where we like actually couldn't find our rhythm and dance and And to be fair, I was so sexually attracted to this person, but had our relationship not started on texting and we had just gone on a fucking date before and just hung out and talked, I would have understood that he is a sarcastic fuck like me.

15:36But on text, I thought I'm like, Jesus Christ, this man is so fucking emotional half the time. Why can't he take a joke? He was. And he was being even darker than me back to me. And I then didn't get it. And then he didn't get it. And it was a disaster. Okay. So the point is, is I think this can lead to issues that truly might end a potentially good relationship before it even starts, daddy gang. You could drive yourself crazy wondering if a guy doesn't like you because you are reading into a text that he didn't even fucking think twice about sending just because the tone got lost. OK, RIP to me at twenty fucking five.

16:13Shout out. Really thinking I was like getting berated over text. he was having a chuckle over a glass of fucking vodka. I was like, oh my God, had only I had been in person, I would have understood it. And now that isn't to say that you can't tell if a guy is into you or not when you're texting because there are definitely signs that you can look out for, daddy gang. But it isn't him texting you, good morning, beautiful, every fucking morning because he may have 17 other beautifuls that he's copying and pasting to. you guys know one of my exes I was like oh my god he would call me good morning beautiful good morning sugar tits good morning queen of my world like good morning whatever the fuck I mean this guy was creative and little did I know when I got a hold of his fucking passwords which I did it was actually the craziest like you think this is like lies when you see girls online being like he was doing it to 32 other women no he was doing it to 32 other women and it's good morning beautiful good morning beautiful good morning beautiful good morning I'm like oh my god it's almost like he downloaded an app that it was like send every blonde in my phone boom blast off hundreds of texts every fucking morning and then whoever answered he would engage with like it's real daddy gang so don't get it fucking twisted when you get that good morning beautiful I'm not trying to make you feel like okay Alex I thought he really liked me he might but we have to be realistic about what's going on, okay?

17:41There is a chance that that freak behind the fucking phone, he could be laying next to a fucking bitch while he's sending you that. So you have to be cautious, okay? You just need to look, in my opinion, at the real effort he is putting in when you guys are apart. And it is not a good morning, beautiful. Does he check in when he knew you had a big day, right? It's not just on his time of like, what's up? Like, what are you up to? It's, oh, he remembered last week that I told him that I was going to see my grandma. We hadn't talked for 12 years and this was a make or break before she croaked. Like that is the kind of shit that you need to be like, does he remember I'm on my way to see Nan?

18:22And like, what's going on with me and Nan? And he's like, hey, how'd you and Nan's convo go? And he's not just sending you a blanket. Hey, how was your day? It's like, I don't know, Marty. What do you think happened to me this day? I told you four days ago what I was gonna be doing. Does he remember the shit you tell him? Is he asking you questions when you're having conversations? Like, are you just lightly engaging in a pretty blank conversation you could be having with anyone? Or is it very specific where he's remembering things about you and asking you questions back to yourself? I know this sounds really, really, really fucking straightforward.

18:57But you guys, if you pause, like, trust me, there are so many men that I look back and I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God. but he never asked me a really intimate question that pertained to me. He could have thought I was Alex from the club, not Alex from the bar. Like he doesn't know which Alex I am in his phone. You know what I mean? Like, is he texting to set dates for your next date? Like, is he even asking to see you? Or is he just constantly being like, oh my God, I miss you. I can't like, we need to see each other soon. But it's never legit. It's very just like, oh my God, I know we got to get to it.

19:34Get to it. What are you doing tomorrow? Oh, I don't know. Non-committal, get him the fuck out the door. Like that is the way a guy can show you over text that he likes you, personalizing things, connecting with you, remembering shit, okay? Because I don't care how many sweet things that he says or how many fucking dick pics to the ground he's sending. He is not that into you unless he's actively putting an effort again to see you daddy gang in fucking person there is no such thing as a guy being just a bad texter right like I can say that Matt was a horrible fucking texter but I never even said that because my god every five fucking minutes the guy was like trying to facetime me so I never even thought that he was a bad texter because of how engaged he was on phone calls and on facetimes but if you're only relying on text to communicate with this man and he's doing a bad job babe like raise the bar by a fucking centimeter you know what I mean like if he only texts you when he's bored and never makes real plans he isn't a bad texter he does not care about you he probably has your fucking number saved as big tits one and he keeps getting confused with big tits two he's like which one was that Was that the one from the fucking amusement park that I was standing next to as I was ordering my hot dog?

20:59Or is that the one that was at the fucking NASCAR race when I was with all my fucking boys? Like, which one was big tit one? I forget. Who cares? I want to fuck them both. If his texting is so fucking minimal, but he puts in the effort to make a plan, that's the only reason he's texting you. And then he fucks off. Perfect. Ideal. I would rather take that than a million fucking paragraphs. Whoa, whoa, whoa. beginning, middle, end. And then it's like, you want to hang out on Tuesday? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so busy with work. Like truly spare me. All you need to know is the next time that you're going to see him and you can save the rest for when you are face to face.

21:39Okay, daddy gang. I honestly think it's kind of a turnoff in my opinion. If a guy has too much time to text you every day, all day, what are you doing? Like, let's get a job. Let's have a fucking hobby. Like it is a little concerning if he's only texting you all the time. So to the girls that actually aren't getting texts back, like you should feel amazing right now. You are hopefully fucking guys that have jobs. I'm just kidding. He probably also doesn't like you, but you know what I mean? Like there's got to be a balance. So do not double text a man. Don't try to see what he's up to all day.

22:17Just put your phone down, go buy a lottery ticket and see how you feel on your real life dates. Just be busy. Be busy looking for a different guy. Like when you're at the coffee shop, be busy. Put that phone in your pocket. We're busy looking for a different dick. And if he's texting you, you're busy. We're always busy. Okay. How boring if we're just looking at our text all day, waiting for him. We're not waiting for him. The biggest thing is just prioritize. you have to get to know each other in person and if you get to know each other in person you enjoy each other in person boom bada bing we're good but if you're falling in love over text aka 22 year old Alex sweetie you're in the fucking gutter okay he hates you and he's using you and wake the fuck up okay if you have good communication in real life then texting really doesn't fucking matter is what I've realized and you shouldn't be putting too much mental energy into it so next time you want to text a guy just because you're bored, just please write into me instead.

23:20Okay. That's a perfect way to just swerve that little fucking piece of shit dickhead who hasn't texted you in five days, but you're still triple texting him because you're like, ah, his phone service must be down. Ah, he must've lost his phone. Ah, his phone plans dead. Ah, he got a new phone. Ah, he lost it. Oh my God. He forgot. He lost my note. He didn't. He has your number. He knows exactly where you are and he hasn't texted you because he doesn't want to text you. And the only reason that he hasn't texted you is because you guys have sent so many paragraphs to each other that he feels like he knows you inside and out that he doesn't even need to get inside of you because he's basically been inside of you and it wasn't that interesting because it was over text get in person get the fuck in there daddy gang okay that's my ted talk um let's answer some

24:06let's answer some let's answer some yeah yeah yeah i wanna go I wanna go on a ride I wanna go I wanna go to a place I wanna go to a place I feel free I wanna go to a place that has escargot I wanna go to a place that has men Who look at me with their cigarettes And wanna fuck me upside down in the Eiffel Tower I wanna go to a little place I like to call Oh, questions, questions, questions of the motherfucking, the motherfucking, the motherfucking Chalk down, Dorota, down, chalk I wanna go, I wanna go to Paris I wanna go to the end of the world for you I'm gonna text you because I love you And I wanna fuck you I don't know where this is going How do I transition to a French accent?

25:07I want to go to a little place I'd like to fucking go. Questions of the mother, the mother, the motherfucking week. Questions of the mother. Questions of the motherfucking week. I'm so sorry. Let me answer some of your questions. Here we go.

25:44question one hi Alex I cheated on my ex during a year abroad I know it was wrong but we weren't right for each other and I was young and immature now I've been with my current boyfriend for almost four years he knows everything about me except this I'm not sure if I should tell him part of me feels like I want to be fully honest but I'm worried about how this might affect us What do you think I should do? Whoa. Okay. You should absolutely not tell him. Like, not because I'm encouraging secrecy within a relationship. I just feel like here's why you would tell him is if you just started dating this man, you guys are getting serious and you're getting to the point in your relationship as most relationships should, which I encourage everyone to do, is you start talking about your past.

26:34because when you are about to take the next step in a relationship and get more serious, you wanna understand who someone has been with and what were things that hurt them and things that worked for them and things that they never wanna repeat or whatever. And if your boyfriend at the time was like, have you ever cheated? That would have been the right time to be like, yes, and I regret it so much and blah, blah, blah, blah and tell the story. But babe, you're four years into dating this man. From what you've written, he hasn't brought this up. He hasn't asked you. So my fear for you is you are having this level of guilt for whatever reason this is coming back up for you.

27:11And you're almost feeling like you need to tell him for whatever that guilt is bringing up. My problem with that is like put yourself in his shoes. Imagine one day he's fucking making you avocado toast and you're just like, hey, I just want to let you know because like I never told you this and I want to be honest with you. like I cheated on my last boyfriend he'd be like trying to like finish spreading the avocado and he's like okay and it's like well I just want to be honest with you because I know like I never told you that I had cheated before um where is this man's head gonna go four years into a relationship you know where my head would go is okay so do you want to finish the sentence are you saying you cheated on me do you know what I mean like I think sometimes the guilt that we have and listen sometimes guilt can come in such weird ways and we can have random things that trigger memories of like I have it sometimes of like past relationships where I'm like why did I do that again that has nothing to do with Matt that has everything to do with something that I did individually before I met him and that's for me to take to my therapist if I'm having a weird day Now, if it's actively impacting my relationship with Matt because of something, sure, you can tell him, but I don't know how cheating would actively impact the way you're treating this guy unless you're getting anxious that he's cheating because you cheat.

28:39Like, I don't know. So my advice is we sometimes feel like we're doing the right thing by telling partners things from the past or things that happen. But really, sometimes I think we need to look inward and be like, are you actually just dumping your baggage onto them? Because you're almost looking for them to absolve the guilt that you have. And by saying it to someone will make you feel less guilty and less shame. That's normal as a human being. It's just not your boyfriend that you should be doing that to, babe. it's you getting into therapy is my personal opinion big picture is to everyone listening before you approach a partner with anything try to put yourself in their shoes especially when you're the one coming forward with negative information how if you were them would you want to react or how would you react and that's what I was kind of saying like put yourself in this man's shoes this guy is going to be like what the fuck is the point of you telling me this And I do think there is also, which I don't fully understand, there is a level, and I've done this with every relationship, I wanted to know every detail of Matt's past because I've done that with every man I've ever dated.

29:51I'm like, tell me everything. So I would have known had Matt cheated, had Matt done this. I know everything about Matt because I've grilled him to the core before I actually got into a serious relationship with this man. And he kind of like wanted to know about my past, but not as much as I wanted to know about his. the time to have told him this was in the beginning stage when it was appropriate to give him that information it is no longer appropriate to give him that information so case closed okay next question hey Alex I'm in a weird situation my best friend offered to watch my dog while I was out of town she lives at a state so I bought her a flight for her to come stay at my beach house for the week two days into her stay she texted me that her brand new boyfriend was able to get off work and fly down to stay with her at my place.

30:37I had never met this man and she never asked if this was okay. I later found out via my ring camera that they left my front door unlocked the whole weekend, probably because there was only one key for the two of them. I live in a popular beach town, so this is not okay. I'm so mad, but I don't know how to approach this with her, especially since she was technically doing me a favor staying there. Wow, okay, that is, there's a lot to unpack here. one that is so valid for you to be upset I think there must be a lot of confusion on your part which I want to just kind of like vindicate you from is technically you were asking her to do you a favor so whenever you're asking someone to do a favor for you yes you're going to be a little bit more lenient you're like oh I can understand but pause it's actually not a favor anymore because you bought this girl a flight she's staying in this gorgeous beach town and then she invites this new guy that she's seeing so you basically paid for her to have a nice free vacation on your dime and she couldn't basically do the one thing that you were asking her to do which is like make sure her dog your dog was safe although your dog ended up being safe you're watching physically your front door is not being locked all these things are happening you're finding out that she brought a guy without fully asking you on your ring camera like I can only imagine the level of like kind of like that like gross feeling of like betrayal and um being like kind of violated like you're I can only imagine as you're gone you're watching your ring cameras and you're like creeping on your best friend but you're like but you're in my house and you're watching my dog like I don't like she put you in a position that you shouldn't have had to be in that's point blank you should not have had to feel like the creepy person like watching her over ring camera that's your property that she is staying in and she's taking advantage of so full stop I'm so sorry what I want to kind of back up a little bit here of two is like you said this is your best friend and so I hate to even like validate her at all but I think any girl and we hate to admit it but we've all been there where we are not ourselves when we start to fall in love like you will sometimes you'll do dumb fucking shit right you missed your best friend's birthday because the guy is taking you to dinner and then your friend calls you out a couple weeks later and you're like I am so fucking sorry I didn't even like see it that way because you're just enamored and you're infatuated and it's the time and you're seeing this guy and you're excited and then you're like oh my god and then as you get older you stop doing that and you stop fucking your friends over for boys but there are little moments everyone has where you need a wake-up call where it's like hey glad you're happy with this guy you just almost fucked my whole shit up imagine if they lost my dog imagine if someone broke into my house and you're so lucky that didn't happen but it could have the way that you were treating my situation so my advice to you is I would text her and say hey can we find time to get on the phone I want to talk about this past weekend or this past week or when you were staying at my house and I think you get on and you have to probably be aware like she doesn't know what you've seen on the ring app and so I think as much as you want to be like you fucking bitch like what the fuck were you doing the only way she's going to hear you like anyone will hear someone is like you have to kind of go in calm and level-headed and I know that's going to be hard But I think you approach it and you say, hey, I hate that we're having this conversation.

34:20First, I just want to say that because the reason I trusted you to go to my house and stay at my house and watch my dog is because I trust you more than anyone. And I felt really betrayed and I felt like a line was crossed and I was put in a really bad situation when I realized you brought this guy that you didn't ask me if he could come stay. and then I'm watching my house not be taken cared for in the way that I just asked you to do. And I will be honest, I sat there stressed the whole weekend making sure that my dog wasn't running out because the door is not locked and you're having this like gallivanting fun weekend.

34:59But that's not what I asked you to do. And I felt like I was getting taken advantage of honestly. And I just wanted to give you the chance to kind of like walk me through what happened that weekend because I'm gonna be real. I feel really fucking shitty and like really grossed out about the whole thing and I can't stop thinking about it. And then you give her the floor. A good friend, what you hope will happen is she is like, I literally am, like I wanna throw up right now. I'm so fucking embarrassed and I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I think I thought I could do both. I was like, I'm just gonna be sitting here.

35:33There's no harm. Like I like this guy. It will be a perfect time to just like have a fun thing and we can play house together, whatever it be. but if she gets on the phone with you and she is trying to be at all not even defensive but like defiant of like first of all that's fucking weird that you were watching me I locked your house I don't know what you're talking about whatever it be even if she did lock your front door the way that a friend would actually go about it after having done this to you would be like I want you to know because I can imagine on the ring app it was confusing I want you to know every single day that door was locked.

36:05I was watching her like a hawk and I apologize I brought someone in but I promise you my number one priority was your dog. Like you know what I mean? It's like everything in life especially when it comes to friendships as you get older it is all about being genuinely kind in the and and um caring and thoughtful in the way you're communicating back to someone. Everyone is coming from their own perspective. Maybe this girl had not had a vacation and couldn't afford it in literally years. And she got so ahead of herself and when she got to the beach town and she's looking around and she's so excited and she knows in her core, she's like, I've got this.

36:48Of course, I've got the dog in the house. This is easy work. This will be so fun to invite him. I'm not saying she's right. I'm just saying, think about it from her perspective. So, but again, I'm really sorry. And I think this is where like blurring friends and asking favors and all that stuff. It's fucking hard, you guys, because as we all get older and even when you're younger, we all have our level of what we will show up as as a friend. And unfortunately, I think life, a lot of it is about finding out that a lot of friends won't meet you where you would go for them. And so So it's disorienting, it's disheartening, it's heartbreaking sometimes, but you will probably never ask this person to do that again for you.

37:35But now you need to see how she treats you for the next few weeks after you have this conversation, but you need to have the conversation. Always have the conversation, daddy gang, even as awkward and difficult and uncomfortable as it is, if you don't have the conversation, you will sit and you will ruminate on it and you will resent the person, and there's no way forward in any relationship unless you have the conversation. So I love you, and fuck, I'm sorry, that one sucks. I would fucking kill someone if they did that with Henry and Bruce. I'd be like, we're done. I'm like, yeah, take my advice.

38:14Be so mature. Meanwhile, I'm like, done, bitch. I fucking hate you. No, but I get it.

38:23I