How to be the Ultimate Wingwoman

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy

0:14it's so good wait let me try

0:19how good is that oh that's fucking insane i've never had strawberry with tequila yeah that's insane cheers cheers love you love you happy new year happy new year daddy gang welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. If you are listening to this while you are getting fucked by your ex-boyfriend, Jan Wan, I am here to let you know that I am here with my best friend, Laren. Hi, Daddy Gang. We are ringing in the new year together. We are currently in Utah. We are skiing. We're being little ski bunnies. I'm really proud because you and I have the same level of like ski ability you kind of like can't go skiing with someone I mean you can yeah like then you'll hate them yeah it sucks we're kind of on the same exact page we're like I want to do a blue I want to feel the wind in my hair I want to have a two-hour opre lunch absolutely but I don't want a black diamond it no no no Matt kind of bullies us we did like one yeah one to two a day one a quarter feels like we go to sleep we're like oh like we're a little sore yeah but Matt's always like come on let's go black diamond and I'm like I don't really want to be an adult on crutches in my older age I get like a little nervous Nelly me too I used to be a daredevil now I'm like slow and steady wins a race so Lauren and I are in Utah and I would say that you and I have first of all happy new year everyone like I hope you had the best new year's eve you want to set them off with an intention?

1:49Ooh, I'm not really one for intentions, but what I will say is this. I really don't like New Year's Eve.

2:15I really don't like New Year's Eve. Like I am someone from, I think like even high school, I always hated New Year's Eve parties. It always freaked me out. I was always terrified people would be drinking and driving if I went to a party. I was terrified to get on the roads. I was also always feeling like not happy if I was hungover in the morning. And I just never like, of course, I've had nice New Year's. But I feel like I'm really, really entering my get fucked up on a couple martinis at home and put my feet up in relax mode. It's about the company, not the plans. Lauren a cheery old Santa over here we have spent quite a few New Year's together I feel like we've spent I think you're the friend that I've spent the most New Year's with right we have the one like iconic I'm thinking of when is the last one that we spent together besides this one I I hope I don't know what you're gonna say but I know what the one at Matt's house yes when we moved to Los Angeles.

3:18Yes. It was COVID. So classic. I was just third wheeling Matt and Alex and I was single. This was like the last time I was single. So this was about like three years ago. And Matt comes in so proud and he's like, Lauren, I'm going to set you up with someone and it's going to be a fantastic night. Just tell them, just get to the punchline. So he doesn't really tell me anything. this guy walks in he is a 45 year old divorcee who breeds wolves and like the front end is fine like 45 divorce if anything we're kind of like loving yeah i'm down for that but oh oh and he brought a half wolf half dog no he did there was a wolf that walked into matt's home and we all kind of did i'm not i wonder if i have a fucking video you do you do it's like we're not exaggerating This thing was like massive times the size of Henry.

4:09And this is the first time that Matt tried to set single Lauren up. And I remember Lauren's like eating her Buffalo chicken dip and she turns to me and she was like, we need to have a conversation after this. And I was like, no, I'm so sorry. She goes, no, no, no. It's Matt. What does Matt think of me that I should be marrying or even fucking even dating a wolf man? It was like pretty fucking bad. Have you ever had success setting someone up? okay I feel like I've set a lot of my friends up for good like fucks I don't know if any of my friends are currently dating like I feel like in high school and college I was always setting people up but I in my adult life I feel like there's no one that they're gonna call you up during the wedding and be like Alex Cooper is the reason we're married no because I also think like it's so hard that like I don't live in the same city as a lot of my friends yeah so I'm like networking I literally told you move back to LA bitch I have so many fucking suitors for you and okay okay I will give you credit like you have been coming through for me and you have been wing womaning me wing womaning yeah me very very hard lately thank you uh you know what I'm thinking of oh the literally the fact that you were in between a billionaire and like a hot man from Miami and you ditched them I forgot about that one okay tell that story okay so first of all daddy gang I saw a couple comments of like wait Lauren is single yes Lauren is single now she's entering the new year a single woman daddy gang do you want a wing woman me dm alex send them the resume a profile you're not at a shortage of men lauren like here's the thing lauren was like you know upset about her breakup and then she finally decided like it's time to get after it and i remember you we were in new york city like a few weeks ago yes but even prior to new york city you have been having even if it's not success like i'm so proud of you you have been really putting yourself out there.

5:57I've been getting out there. You're on the apps. You're going on dates. You told me you went on a coffee date. You went on a cocktail date. You went on a dinner date that lasted like two and a half hours. Yeah, we'll get there. You have a man that gave you all these plants. That's a long story. You have a man that gave you a foot massage. Like you're making headway, Lauren, in your single life. But we were in New York City a couple of weeks ago and I think I posted this on my TikTok, but Hallie was hooking up with this billionaire and Hallie was worried that the billionaire was just too nice for her.

6:23A classic. I honestly can't relate. I like nice disguise yeah no Lauren likes people to treat her well and so Hallie was like sweetie you just take him so it is the end of the night we are all at this bar and Lauren is in between the billionaire and now if anything it looked like you were favoring the man that wasn't even the fucking billionaire this man from Miami who was another man that you like came over and you were like oh like this is my friend Lauren and like you were smoothing me for me I love you say smoothing it's schmoozing it's the best fucking statement ever so Lauren is like hanging out schmoozing with all these people everyone leaves the bar because I'm like I'm going home to my husband everyone's going to bed and Lauren it's like 1 30 a.m so like all the girls we're with leave so I'm just at the bar and it's me and a table full of guys and I'm like this is a dream like Alex came through she put her reputation on the line she didn't ruin it and I literally woke up in the morning and I FaceTime Lauren and I'm like which one did you go home with and what do you say to me Lauren?

7:22None of them because at like 2am I'm like working it laying my moves still and my friends call me and they're like Lauren like we have your location like we see you're like at a bar like around the corner like come meet us and like I don't see my friends who live in New York City that often so I get so excited and I'm like oh my god okay and I just tell the guys like all right bye guys and then I leave and I wake up and I'm like like in your drunken state you cockblock yourself and you chose your friends over men, which says a lot about you, which I love you because you are such a girl's girl.

7:53However, like you got to choose yourself in those moments. She was putting in hours of work with these people anyways. So she ends up not hooking up with anyone. I strike out. And we're like, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. So now all of a sudden we're kind of on this hunt and I don't know if anyone is doing this, but first of all, if you're in a fucking relationship and your friend is single, your mindset, every coffee shop you work walk into every single work event you walk into every single room you walk into is an opportunity to find a man for your friend okay have you like dialed up differently like now i've never heard you comment on men as much as you are now you're like oh my god lauren like did you see him like lauren like that guy's like look at that guy speaking of let us tell you this story of what recently just happened we get on the plane okay we're leaving new york city we are like ravenous for a man for you.

8:41Okay. I am like, I will find her dick. So we sit down you guys and Lauren and I are sitting next to each other and I see the airplane on the airplane. And I see this guy that is in the last row in first class. And he has this like Michigan t-shirt on. He has kind of hair, like Matt's it's like rustled and hot. And it's like, Oh, like I'm like, this man is a vision. Okay. I turned to Lauren. I grabbed her wrist and I say, Lauren back, right corner. prospect. She fakes gets up. She looks up in her bin cabin. She's rustling through her fucking luggage. She sits down. She goes, he's the most gorgeous man I've ever fucking laid eyes on.

9:21How do we fucking get me in and around that asshole? Now we recruit the flight attendant. Flight attendant comes over to hand us our bloody Mary's. We said, get in here. He was a gay ally. Okay. He turned to me. He said, bitches, what do you need from me? I said, you need to go back, right left corner back right left hello you need to go back corner right side and you need to find out if this man has a ring on is he fair game for me he goes he walks back the flight attendant such a fucking homie goes girls there's no motherfucking ring Lauren and I are like boom boom boom okay we're in now here's the thing about being on a flight and seeing a hot guy that is to me like one of the coolest fucking opportunities of how you could meet your potential husband you started planning the speech you were about to give at my wedding if like you orchestrated this and like we thought I was gonna marry this guy because we we started to get so excited because we're like this is so cool like and I want to validate every single person I hate when people preface it being like oh how did you guys meet and they're like we met on a dating app or like we met on Instagram I know so embarrassing it is not embarrassing that is literally the most common way to meet people now so first of all it's not embarrassing however there is something obviously in you that's like how fucking cool to meet someone out in the wild like that's fucking ideal and cool yeah so we're starting to picture this and I'm like you meet your husband on a plane you guys hit it off you then all of a sudden get like this is this is magic yeah so we start strategizing daddy gang and I suggest you guys do this if you see a fucking hot person on a plane I get it's also easier when you have a friend with you if you're solo it's a little intimidating lauren and i decide you need to write your name and your number on a napkin and we're gonna have the flight attendant bring the napkin over to the guy and my seat number so he like could like know it was who to look for we decided we were gonna do it like with an hour left in the flight because this flight was like five fucking hours and then we start stressing out because you were like alex i don't look the part i like we were hung over as fuck because we were out until like 3 a.m the night before i'm in like a sweatsuit i have not an ounce of makeup on we were pretty puffy i literally was like do we ask for ice and like i like ice roll my face with like ice from like the plane we look fucked up and so we just kept harrow the dog going and lauren goes one minute gets up into the cabin gets her makeup down i need to post the fucking videos that we took i'm like giving myself like a full beat like on the plane so lauren starts contouring and she's contouring it up and she's looking so gorgeous and I'm looking at the highlight.

11:58It wasn't my best but it was better. No no you looked gorgeous okay and she's highlighting and all of a sudden on the loudspeaker we hear thank god we didn't take like a sleeping pill over the loudspeaker we hear everybody we're gonna have to deboard the plane. At first I thought this was a disaster because I'm like my husband's getting away but then. And then I realized hold on Lauren we're deboarding to get back on board okay. This man is in the Delta One pods which means he will be going to the Delta One lounge. We're going to go to the lounge. So we'll be able to almost like congregate with him and we can follow him.

12:31So everyone gets up. We get all of our stuff. Lauren's finishing her lip liner and we beeline it to try to stay as close as humanly possible to this man as everyone is deboarding the plane. We have a tail on him. We get off the plane and he stopped at the desk to ask the agents if he goes back to the lounge, will they be able to give updates to the lounge and something just came over me where I was like I'm now seeing this man in his height this man was like pushing six three six four he had some nice like joggers on some like athletic sneakers a little athletic top maybe he was like an athlete in college like he was giving athlete dick I was in it for Lauren so I shoved my way forward without even like thinking what I was to do.

13:17And I put my body right up behind him. So when he turns around from the desk, talking to the woman at the kiosk, I will be right dead center there, almost to the point where he makes physical contact with me. He turns around and almost bumps into me and I go, oh, hey, what did what did they say? And he looks at me and he goes, oh, if you're in and no, this was when we knew he eyed us because he was like, oh, us, if you're in Delta lounge, we can all go back to the lounge. and I was like oh really they said that and he goes yes we can go I said amazing Lauren then just wanting to make any contact comes in she goes sorry what did they say I'm like bitch you're standing right next to me you just heard what he fucking said but she wanted to make contact with him she's like I wanted him to hear my voice feel my presence he said the same thing to Lauren we go okay great he starts walking to the lounge fast he's walking quick he was beelining it which we didn't know why but eventually we learned why he's beelining it to lounge almost like running to the lounge we're on like a light jog volumes like the lounge is big so like we can't let him get too much distance because like we can't let him go to a corner of the lounge and we lose him the lounge is like bigger than the fucking airport at jfk delta one lounge jesus fucking christ that thing is a fucking giant giant metropolis metropolis so we are running and then as we're running i'm like lauren we look so creepy if he turns around and sees us running like why are we running so we tried to be very covert very undercover we get to the lounge we get to the lounge and there's a man at the front and he starts speaking to the man at the front of lounge.

14:45So we immediately stop with him again. And I don't know if you guys have ever had this, but whenever there is a flight that has been delayed or something going on on an airline, you start to bond with the people around you, right? You're in it together. You become so cozy, comfortable. It's almost sad when you leave after the flight because you were in this battle together. That's what we were trying to push on this man like I want this man to feel like we are his literal friends by the end of this and he hopefully wants to fuck Lauren if he needs a shoulder to cry on we're here so he turns to the guy and he's like we're good to go you guys will give us updates and the person at the front of the lounge was like yes you're good he goes great I gotta rush do you know where the TVs are I have to watch the football game so naturally I'm standing there not a clue in the world what football game is on I'm like Taylor Swift Patrick Mahomes he's he's like I got to watch the game where's the TV and I'm like we yeah we're trying to watch the game too actually we're like we yeah where is the game on and he literally goes oh you guys want to get yeah where's the team I'm like yeah I really need to see this game um what quarter is are there quarters yeah what quarter are we in and so they like point us to the TV this man beelines it to the TV we start making our way to the TV as well.

15:58He places himself down. We look at each other and we go, we're being so fucking creepy. We need to reel it back. We now know where this man is sitting. Let's go at least to the bar. You guys, this is where the story takes a turn for the motherfucking worst, okay? I would say an hour goes by. And we're like building it up in our heads more and more. Like I'm like, I'm gonna - Completely. Fall in love. We're like, he went to Michigan. He's smart. He's attractive. He likes football. Oh my God. You're in a fantasy league yourself, Lauren. We thought maybe he'd be coming on like our New Year's trip with us.

16:30Completely. Like we thought it was going to be sparks flying. Every 30 minutes we had to go check in with the gate person. And he kept going over and Lauren would walk over with him. She comes back over. She goes, hey, it's getting a little more flirty. Every time I go back over, it's progressing. We were making bets. We are making. On when the flight would leave. We're making progress. I'm like, you're literally getting fingered in the bathroom tonight. Like you are actually entering the Mile High Club and I will be cheering you on. all of a sudden our friend we run into at the airport shout out Aubrey Aubrey walks into the airport and we're like Aubrey what are you doing here I've got a flight at 11 o 'clock at night Aubrey we found my husband Lauren's husband she goes where is he I want to get a glimpse of him because I say this is one of the most gorgeous men you've ever seen in your life okay we go he's got a Texas hat on a Michigan shirt on go find him he's in the back corner yep she giddily saunters off and all of a sudden she comes back and the face of happiness and excitement that she left with she returns looking like she just saw a dead body and I'm like what what's what's Aubrey what's wrong Lauren's like wait did you did you see him and Aubrey goes I have really really really upsetting news for you both and we're both like what do you want to say it or should i say it she goes girls lauren i'm so sorry but he's gay no in this moment we were like no no no no there's no way no because no way like what like you have a great gaydar or something i was like this was full fucking flirting i think but maybe i was flirting no i was laying my moves we were making contact we were making bets or was it just like him being a nice person because you wanted information on the flight i don't know maybe we're also like dick drunk where we're just like wanting to find you anything that we're literally and we said what's the proof we needed proof so we said aubrey how do you know he's gay sweetie he's watching fucking football over there like he's got a texas hat and a michigan sweatshirt that doesn't scream gay to me like come on like he's like hitting yeah come on she goes girls I stood behind him as he was watching the game and he was scrolling and scrolling and scrolling naked men on Instagram and zooming in to their pectoral muscles and their v-lines and Lauren and I are dead silent you guys and we go well maybe maybe he's a casting agent maybe he's a talent scout maybe he's a maybe he's a talent model scout like we don't know and aubrey looks at us like you dumb fucks you dumb fuck shut the fuck and we're literally like there's no fucking way but everything that had like been built up into this moment you guys we couldn't accept that he was gay so we sent you in so i sent myself in and i'm like i need to see it for my own fucking eyes like i couldn't i at that point literally thought aubrey was fucking with us so i go to find him and i can't find him and i'm like fuck it i need to go pee let's go pee i walked to the bathroom him he had changed locations and you guys I see it for myself I walk over and this man is still scrolling scrolling gorgeous men hot sexy chiseled they look so fucking hot but they're men you know what I mean and Lauren has a vagina and it just wasn't gonna work so I come back to Lauren I go yeah he's gay Lauren's like I'm I put on makeup for nothing so then Lauren all of a sudden guys we're sitting at the bar under her right there's a man to her left lauren literally goes hey hey every fucking man oh but then you know what aubrey leans in lauren he's drinking a pink martini he was also gay but then lauren was like fuck fuck what the fuck my gator and then there was another man that came over that like there was a there was a lot going on and we got a little we were a little upset for you i didn't feel confident in my we didn't feel confident whatsoever but we had a lot of fun doing it and this is what I will say it was so fun partaking in although it was a fucking disaster first advice to anyone in a relationship or married or engaged whatever the fuck like be a fucking homie to your girlfriends and put your neck out for them and put yourself physically in moments where you are stopping men in their tracks for your fucking friend because what's so fucking great about I'm realizing with the wing woman situation is like it makes you look like the chill mysterious one if I'm the fucking annoying freak being like hey what time do they say we can't go to the lounge and then you're like sorry what did you say it's such a good layup be the fucking wing woman that your friend deserves and for you Lauren you got to keep on the fucking horse bitch you're fucking cruising you've been a wing woman for me like many many of times before you haven't been single that long in our life no you're more of a relationship girly yes the last time that I was like single a while ago was for one month oh yeah that was bad back in 2018 back in the boondock days 2018 I was single for one month and I said big al I want to get out there and I want to where did we find this man where where did we catch we found him at catch catch oh my god we went to catch that night literally hunting for dick we literally went to catch to find you a man and we got so intoxicated we both brought him back home uh-huh I met him you set me up with him and I was gonna go home with him and you were like well like I don't want to be alone and you were living at Slim Shady's house I was living at my ex-boyfriend's what the time boyfriend house yes and he was out of town yeah and you say just bring him back to bring him back to slim's house and just mind you i was acting like it was a guest bedroom his roommate was fully another player on the team and you guys fucked in his teammates bed and at the time i thought that the boyfriend slim shady was cheating on me which ends up he was so i don't feel bad but i in the moment like looking back you guys fucked on rob's bed and then come the morning I wake up and I'm like I'm like so hungover and I'm so not into this and I go get in the bed with you and I'm like Alex like this guy needs to leave like I don't want to like talk to him because to be fair it was like 10 a.m.

22:55and he was like still lingering snoring so disgusting we were like what do we do what do we do what do we do and I write him a note and I say hey so sorry I had a great time, but I really need to die alone in peace. You got to go. And I went, crept in, dropped the note. You stuck it under the door. Gave it a little knock and then ran out. Like the fact that this man is in our home, basically, and you're leaving this man a note to be like, please let yourself out. Lauren then comes back in bed and we lock the door. We are in my ex-boyfriend's apartment. Who is an MLB player. there is memorabilia signed autographs team jerseys like all over so this like new york city like 20 year old boy frat boy is gonna like wake up and be like i'm in a penthouse of like an mlb player and the funniest thing is you um when you first started to call her daddy you like hinted at this story that like you brought someone back like for a friend to slim shady's um when he was out of town and this guy found you like this guy heard the story and dm'd you a picture of the note he kept the note you guys for four three years later three years later this man dms me a picture and he goes one of the greatest night mornings yeah mornings of my life I wake up after having great sex and I walk around and I just am literally realizing that I'm in a Mets pictures fucking apartment but then I remember laying there with you and we're so hungover and I'm like there's no way he's gonna steal anything right Lauren but we were so far gone that we had been like you left a note we were being so fucking freaks yeah and we just was like I like can't talk to anyone like he just like needs to leave and then I remember we heard the front door slam and we walked around I'm like honestly I don't give a fuck if you stole anything I'll honestly take it with you in check but Slim Shandy was not happy oh he was fucking livid and I was like yeah but what pussy were you in this week okay Lauren fucks in his bed you were in a different girl and I'm the one that just gets fucked who everyone got fucked but Alex um so that was yeah I was a pretty good wing woman that night I take pride in being a good wing woman and I'm very very excited for this new venture for you and I'm very happy that you're enjoying the single life because I think that you sometimes understandably when you're single and a lot of your friends are in relationships I feel like almost all your friends are in relationships right like pretty much every friend is in a relationship engaged or married I think that can be hard where you're like not looking forward to being single only because you're like fuck I don't have that many single friends and I feel like you are having a lot of fun with it and you're being really open to going and meeting a lot of different people yeah um I will say the one positive is being the only single one everyone's kind of excited to wing woman everyone's like oh like let me like live vicariously through you a little bit oh I love that's a fun aspect and another thing I will say that to daddy gang who's maybe like on the verge of like hmm I know I need to end a relationship or wanting to end something and being scared about starting over at 30 yeah something I've realized is dating at 30 because the last time I was single I was 26 dating at 30 is so so much different than dating at 26 like I feel like at least from my experience so far everyone is just like so like straightforward and like the games are like really really done and like it's not like am I gonna like obviously like I'm not just like gonna like text people like so like there's some coyness to it of course but it's like not games and it's straightforward and everyone's just like yeah like I'm looking for someone and like I'm not fucking around which is like so nice it's refreshing it's just it's easier

26:56I feel like there's only a certain amount of years you can play the game until it actually gets boring like I actually someone's playing the game I'm like okay well it's not cool anymore right you're like I don't care so next at 26 if someone's playing the game I'd be like okay like maybe like I'm a little bit into this well again because when you're younger in your 20s like who the fuck wants to get married and settle down some people but not me at that point I was like I want to feel the thrill I want to be getting my head bashed in the mattress I want to be getting flipped upside down and then I want to be getting ghosted the next day I want to have my heart ripped out of my chest and I want to do it all over again and then some and then when you get a little older you're kind of like I literally don't have time no I have taxes I have a life I have a family I have fucking trips I have work I have a bunch of fucking shit and all my friends or finding their person like I want to be intentional about how like intentional about what I'm doing and where I'm like if I'm gonna leave my house and like put on makeup and like go out on like a Sunday or like a Tuesday like let's be straightforward and like not waste each other's time completely actually though I've run into two issues with my dating game that I would love your opinion on oh my god your advice hit me okay issue number one I cannot end a date under three hours.

28:08I have had no date go under three hours. The longest so far being a first date lasting eight hours. Wait, sorry. I was just swallowing. Did you just say you went on a date that lasted eight hours? Lauren, what does that even mean? What time did you start the date? I think we went to dinner at 630. What time did you get home? 2am.

28:30You're disturbing me right now. are you in are you getting married no did you ever did you want to see the man again i don't know wait only lauren being like i spent eight hours with a man and i don't even know if i want to see him again i thought you were about to tell me that you literally are in love with someone you spent eight hours with a man so my issue is you can't end it i can't end it because in my mind i'm like what if they're a little nervous right now we're like what if like the spark's about to hit and like while I'm here like I might as well just like give it like let it run its course a little bit and like see if something pivots I get what you're saying sometimes I do that with interviewing where I'll be talking to someone like the beginning is like light work you're like oh you're a little nervous let me throw you some softballs yeah but by the end once you're jiving you could ride off into the sunset okay wait hold on is this the plant man no I can't can we just quickly tell that story okay okay you're fucked up you had a very long date I go on a very long first date with this guy eight hours and at we're drinking at a bar and um I just moved and I'm telling him like he's like what'd you do earlier that day and I'm like oh I went plant shopping and like I got myself a new plant naturally and he's like oh well like I'm moving tomorrow and like I don't know what to do with my plants like do you want to come and like get all of my plants and like you can have all of my plants and i'm like fantastic like you're drunk you're like free plants are you fucking kidding me yes so then what happens though so i go over and i end up leaving and i don't leave with the plants but then the next day he gave you a foot massage yes no can i just tell that part it's so good lauren it's so good this man's gonna love this you think Lauren he's gonna love it and it's not even like offensive it's hilarious so what and tell me correct me if I'm wrong okay Lauren says she's in this man's apartment they're having a nightcap a nightcap you've been on seven dates at this point in one night and Lauren sits down and how does he ask for your foot wait does he just take your yeah he just grabs it he grabs her feet to which she's like this and lauren in her head was like please for the love of god no no no i hope he doesn't have a foot fetish please don't have a foot fetish please don't have a foot fetish he takes off her sock takes off the other sock and thank god i had a pedicure and he starts massaging her feet and what do you do in that moment like oh i guess you're fucked up so it's yeah I was drunk at that point I was just like oh okay I think I was just in my head like please don't pop a toe in your mouth please don't pop a toe in your mouth honestly that is like a dream if a man's gonna massage I get it on a first date it's a little much but a man that's willing to give acts of service I've been out there I've been having experiences she's living so then the next morning you wake up because you don't sleep there I leave you don't hook up like more than a makeout no you get home and then and then he and then she wakes up in the morning and he shows up to your apartment with like 45 plants guys i have really nice plants now like i have so many plants like i don't know what to do with them no plants are expensive like good plants yes and they're like they came with pots oh my god and like i've never owned this many plants now and like now like i feel like i'm like a plant mom so did he just leave chicago he's gone yeah he doesn't live in chicago anymore here's the thing diamonds plants it's all in the same realm okay if you can get something from a first date you're winning you got a foot massage cheese knives too what so he just gave you all the shit that he was getting rid of here's the thing i'm really proud of you i feel like you're having good experiences um but you need i agree i think you are how fast do you think you like when should i like start cutting it to be fair I feel like back in the day hours is fair three hours is a long fucking time Lauren but here's the thing I do think when you're single there's also something to be said about like on a Wednesday night on a Thursday night if you didn't have plans with your girlfriends like yeah I guess you could be home like reading ACOTAR but like I finished it oh well then exactly so like what the fuck else are you doing we read our fucking series we were you're done binging our shows yeah but the point is is you I feel like I feel like you are someone that like you like to hang out with people I think that's also the thing like I've been really fortunate like all the dates I've gone on like while there might not have been like enough chemistry to go on a second date like they're all like lovely people yeah and you're like getting to know them and like and myself period okay Lauren this is my advice to you number one if you're going on a weekday date do you do those often I never do Friday or Saturday I'm a big Sunday date person okay so I feel like if you're doing either a Sunday or you're doing a weekday thing I think that because I was gonna say go for drinks but like make them fucking pay for a good dinner like get yourself a good steak and fill up you know what I mean so I think because I get it when people are like just go for drinks it's easier to get out of yeah but I've been doing that that I'm like having drinks for three hours and now I'm like I'm really hungry so I might as well eat exactly so I think I already know you and I was the same like go for the fucking dinner yeah I do think you can always say like I have an early morning tomorrow and I know that's not that fun but you're still gonna like have a drink and you're gonna hang I do think you just have to almost cut yourself though because what I also recognize is first dates are so fun but you don't want to blow your fucking load in the first date where like you almost are kind of like I don't really need anything more we kind of talk about everything like what else is there to do almost I've had those dates where I'm like that was so fun but I almost don't need to like see this person again because I don't see a future with them and I kind of know everything about them now like it's over yeah I think you want to still feel like you have more questions about someone so I would say you just have to eat at the normal fucking pace and by the third fucking course Lauren get the fucking check and go home but you're going for nightcaps that's where I need to cut it off you need to cut it no no nightcaps after dinner no okay what's the other problem you're going with I keep thinking that everyone's trying to kiss me goodbye and they're not and so like they're going for a goodbye hug and I kiss them and it's really fucking awkward so you're the problem Lauren's like they're not trying to kiss me but I feel like it so I go in for it first I think what you have that is actually so fucking fair one was so bad I literally ran away and got in the uber wait what happened like he we were like going for the hug and like I thought like he was like gonna try to kiss me so I go and I kiss him and it was just like and I literally my uber was there and I literally just like turn around and I just get in the uber I don't say anything I just turn around you just speed away yeah yeah yeah okay no no this is what I think you need to do which I actually completely agree first dates when you're vibing with someone also like I like a first date make out because I like to be like maybe if the conversation was like average or mid the make out if it's so good it makes you be like maybe I'll go on a second date with you you know what I mean like that's an added point like are you sexually attracted to the person yeah so I'm all for a little make out on the first date but if you don't want to do the make out I think well I've been initiating all of these and they've been like what are you doing but Lauren I think you need to when you go to hug them goodbye you need to hug I can't believe we're doing this hug and then it's a it's it's pug yeah it's a one two whatever the fuck hug and then and then grab the ass and kind of finger the dingleberries and kind of pinch his asshole hair no no you hug and the minute you're done with the hug you kind of really you you turn your head away from them and you kind of pull back you're probably kind of doing a linger i okay ready hug me

36:53you're literally in my nostril hair you literally are no lauren okay okay wait i have a solution you have to go like this you go like this and then and then you go like that oh and then oh then you have you ever hugged an uncle like okay wait so so this was really distressing me and oh I was talking to my one guy friend in Chicago. I'm like, has this ever happened to you? Like, this is an epidemic over here for me. And he's like, Lauren, here's my rule that I live hard and fast by. On the first date, if a kiss does not happen during the actual date, he's like, I never kiss goodbye. Oh. Because a goodbye kiss, there's so much pressure and it's so forced.

37:36So he was like, now sit. And he's like, so like if you're like sitting. We're doing a tutorial. If you're like sitting and like talking, he's like, if your like knees are touching, like you go in for the kiss during the date, like then normal, natural chemistry. But he's like, if it doesn't happen on the actual date, never on the goodbye. Okay. That's, this is, this is good confirmation. So here's the thing though. I'm going to rebuttal a tiny bit. The goodbye, if it's the literal goodbye, when you are like, Uber's ready, I go. And you're like hands on the fucking taxi cab or Uber. You're like, I guess I'm going now.

38:10and he's like bye yeah get in the fucking car okay you're trying to like elongate to a four hour situation like just one more nightcap I don't want to go home just yet but I think for example after dinner Matt and I on our first date it was a back alley make out how I knew it was going to be a back alley make out is there was a lot of sexual tension throughout the dinner okay this is my mistake there's no sexual chemistry or no sexual tension and then I try to plan a kiss on them this is good this is good info so you're just not reading the fucking room i don't know what i'm doing no i think you're just having fun i'm trying to give them a good time no and you're having fun and you're having fun you're a sexual being you're seeing if you can maybe i'm too like pent up and you're kind of like you're kind of looking at them like legs open like this man is like we literally fought at dinner and our views are completely different we literally talked about like politics and like your job and like there was nothing sexual going on Lauren I'm not doing that don't worry no listen I think it's so fucking attractive when the woman makes the first move however you know we don't want you to get a reputation around chicago they're like yeah this fucking i need to clean up my act you got to get it together no have fucking fun but no i think if it's at the end of the night there's something really steamy and hot about this built but to be fair on my first date with matt he literally reached across the table at one point and held my hand and he was like can i kiss you yet so we had been talking i know that was like fucking hot And I literally was like, no.

39:57Okay, so that's a really good tangible example of tension and chemistry. He's like touching me. He's like, hold my hand. He was like, can I kiss you yet? I said no. So I knew we were going to kiss. If this man is given, it is a job interview through and through, and he's trying to network, baby. And this is giving more LinkedIn. Yeah, I think you don't give them the kiss. Don't plant one on them. Don't plant one. Unless you're in the mood and you're horny that night. You know what? Bring them fucking back. Rarely are men going to be like, no, no, no, no. I don't want to see you and your vibrator tonight in your bed.

40:27Like, all right. Like, I think you got to decide what you want to do. I'm so excited that you're thriving in your single. Honestly, you're going to find your guy.

40:53Lauren brought a game. Okay. She's fun. I brought a game. Do you do this on your dates? Yeah. I played Connect Four for like an hour and a half on one of them. What? Lauren, Connect Four? Where the fuck did you find a Connect Four thing? At a bar. For the nightcap. Oh my god, I thought you like brought them back to your apartment. No. Okay, wait. That's cute. Yeah, cute. Cute. I love games. Okay. Okay, so I have a game and it's New Year's theme since today is New Year's Day. and it's stuff things that people normally do during the new year oh and we i'm gonna name them okay and then if you could see yourself doing it in the new year have a drink whoa um go back to your natural hair color absolutely not oh i'll drink i'm kind of doing that right now by choice

41:46or did someone fuck your hair i'm a little darker than i would like to be right now lauren has been crying no we can't we can't okay we're both not going natural no fuck that shit when's the last time you had your natural hair color never i have put in so much fucking actually though no one will ever know when was the last time you had your natural hair color high school not even not even eighth grade when'd you first dye your hair summer going into freshman year of high school and I will never fucking go back bitch and you will never see with my natural hair unless there's a gun to my fucking head and even when I'm fucking pregnant one day wigs up in this bitch okay next okay take a drink if you would get a dog in the new year oh my god Matt literally will kill me I make jokes to Matt being like I could see you getting a third we want a third and he's like you are mentally unstable if you think we need a third Matt's like give me a fucking baby before another fucking dog fair I don't think we need another third dog i would fucking love nothing more than a dog but i live in an apartment building i travel too much no dog no dog for me no dog i just live off bruce yes you love bruce take a drink if you would go on a solo trip in the new year i will drink to that i'm too scared like i can't everything in my body our our best friend kristin goes on solo trips all the time she just got back from an 11 day in nicaragua and i literally looked at her and i'm like you are everything I want to be Kristen but there isn't a bone in my body that could get myself on a plane and go somewhere and not think that there is a man gonna come through that door to kill and harm me like I can't go on a solo trip I'm too scared it's on my like little short bucket list that I have before I get in a relationship I think that would be a good experience for me like I kind of want to follow in Kristen's footsteps and do like a surfing retreat but the issue is the last time I went surfing I broke my foot yeah like you're gonna go maybe you'll go on a solo but like I'm gonna have someone trailing you yeah i'm gonna get you a security card or something i'm just so it sucks being a fucking woman yeah like it fucking sucks that we have to think about that shit like i remember at one point i said to a guy at one point like i could never go on a solo trip and they were like why and i was like why do you think you're like i literally don't know and i'm like oh okay that's the difference between men man and woman continue have a drink if you would get a tattoo in the new year absolutely not i think if you see me getting a tattoo it's like a little bit of like a pink flag that i'm having a minty b oh i think that's like a fucking blazing red flag lauren that's not pink you not like for anyone but like for you for me personally no no if you're getting a tattoo i know i gotta somehow find a way to contact your therapist no i think we're not tattoo girls no we've just i don't have a single tattoo you don't have a single tattoo i don't you You would pass out because you can't do needles.

44:33I literally before when I heard that I would just literally pass out. OK, but like gun to your head. You had to get a tattoo like right now. Like what would you get? This is why I know I should never get a tattoo is because like literally if there was a gun to my head, I'm telling you I have nothing. I have nothing I would want to permanently put on my body. I have nothing. Nothing. I've like lightly thought about it. And I'm like like maybe like something to honor my dad. but like I don't want to be the girl with the dead dad tattoo no I think you can just like look at pics and pray to him r.i.p papa love you rob yeah no I don't think we're tattoo girls no okay love you papa if only your dad knew love you papa um have a drink if you would get botox in the new year yeah please multiple drinks fucking facelift coming soon i hope no i'm just kidding i've never gotten botox but i want to i've got enough for both of us and i'm gonna do when i visit you in la because i want to do like i don't want someone to like fuck me up like i think you can i've seen some eyebrows go a little skew oh i've had it trust me go back to my forbes conference i wanted to fucking end it all i think that you should absolutely when you feel ready get botox in your forehead it literally makes your skin look so nice also there is a trend right now and I am I am so interested I I know the certain celebrities that have done it I've been zooming and zooming in there is a trend right now of the lower facelift that everyone is getting what is that it's like you just you're not old enough to get the full facelift so all these celebrities are getting these lower facelifts that it just pulls it basically from a little lower than like Like right where your nose kind of is ending.

46:22And they just pull everything up. So whenever you see these people on the red carpet and it's like their jaw looks so fucking snatched. One, I've heard that they're getting these things injected to give them a nicer jawline. It's like literally a fake implant thing of a jaw. Like filler or like? An actual fake thing apparently. Oh. And then on top of that they're snatching it with a facelift. So I'm not getting one. But like when do we get facelifts? At like 50? 60? Oh sooner. Sooner. Okay so we'll go together. Matt will drop us off when we're like. Matt will take care of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

46:50I'll just still be third wheeling you guys. No, it'll be perfect. We'll all get face lifts together. Matt's like, I don't want one. I'm like, you're getting one. Okay, so yes, Botox in the future, obviously. Tomorrow, please. Have a drink in the new year if you would try ayahuasca. Absolutely not. Like, I'm curious. Like, I think it sounds really intense. I don't want to shit my pants. I already do it enough. I don't want to shit and throw up. And you know me with drugs. Yeah. I'm not a drug girl. I think I could handle it. You could handle it. You and Kristen could do ayahuasca together. But it sounds intense.

47:27Like, what do you think? Say you wouldn't shit your pants. What spiritual journey do you think you would go on in your ayahuasca journey? Oh, my fucking God. Like, I know this is, like, lame to say, but, like, I'm just not that type of person. Like if I have a problem, I literally just like I address it head on quickly and I keep it moving. Like I don't feel like I'm someone that's like the nature and the sand and I need to put my feet in the ground and get the sand. Like I don't know. I feel like I'm every week. Would you like talk to Nana maybe? No, I don't give a shit about my grandma. Like I love her, but I wouldn't be like Nana.

48:05Like I love my, no, I give a shit about her, but not in that way. I wouldn't be like Nana. Like my Nana died. I had a great life with her. She was awesome. I loved her. but like I don't need to talk to her I guess I would like to know if she's like sitting in mercury we always wondered if she was like bad behaved that she never got straight up to heaven you mean not mercury purgatory oh my god oh my god I'm not even drinking no I always wondered like is Nana to make it out Nana's definitely in heaven at this point she went through some trauma I have no interest in talking to my grandmother I mean it wouldn't be bad but like I just don't think I'd be like I need to go through drugs to do that you know what I mean so I think for me no ayahuasca i don't think i need that what what do you who would you connect with your dad like not to be the dead dad girl but like i know but would you want to i don't know like do you want to like connect like that sounds like it could ruin my life you're like i kind of want to keep where i kept him yeah i feel like we're not going on that journey i don't see ayahuasca in the next year for me but if you do come and sit down and talk to us about it i will i'll let you guys know Perfect.

49:08Thanks. Wait, do you talk to dead people in ayahuasca? No, I think in ayahuasca, you confront whatever demons you haven't confronted. And maybe that's having a conversation with a dead person who you feel you didn't have closure with. No, Nana's definitely not haunting me. But now that I think about it, who is dead and haunting me? I guess no one. So I guess, oh, confront the demons. Like a demon, your inner demons. Do you have any inner demons that you want to talk to us about today?

49:41oh my god you know happy new year everyone this is not the episode to talk about that no i've got some demons but like i don't want to face you want to keep them locked up today yeah pent that shit up okay lock it away demons are staying locked up for the year 2025 yeah we'll connect back maybe in 2026 let that shit that's the year of confronting demons love love love um is that it yeah do you have a New Year's resolution? I have no New Year's resolutions. I will be honest. I have so many fucking goals that I am setting for myself with regard to work and career. And I feel like I've never felt more motivated and excited for this year.

50:32I feel like there's been so many changes that are coming in a fabulous way. I'm going to roll out a bunch of new stuff with SiriusXM that's going to give the Daddy Gang more content, which is very exciting. And I know I've been saying that for a while, guys, but it's coming. It's just basically it's starting in February, essentially. So I haven't been able to talk about it because you guys know I love a good little tease and I love a good little promotion that I love a good little drop to get your panties fucking wet. So I have a lot of things I'm excited to give to the daddy gang because they have been so supportive of me and this show and I wouldn't be here without them.

51:13So I think 2025 is going to be the year of doing everything for the daddy gang and connecting with as many people as I humanly possibly can. And that's literally why I'm coming out with this drink. Like when I think of the unwell lifestyle I totally see people online being like I don't want to be unwell in my 30s and I'm like me either like me either at all I but unfortunately like life isn't fucking perfect we're all fucking exhausted whether it's from work or you're drinking or you're sober or your your life is fucked or you're exhausted from work or it's just like children children single dating kissing random men like Lauren, like we're all a little fucking unwell.

51:56And I think this drink was just like another extension of what the daddy gang and I have built is this community. And now to be able to like physically hold something that can help people when they're feeling shitty. I'm like, that's pretty fucking cool. And I never knew what the first thing that I would come out with would be. Um, and now this feels so natural to me having been an athlete, my whole life. Hydration has been in my life my whole life. But I also am not a fucking athlete anymore. And I sit on my fucking ass more than I work out. And I want something that doesn't make me feel like shit if I didn't hit the gym that day.