How To Survive Wedding Season

0:00Daddy gang, welcome back to another Sunday session of Call Her Daddy. it is currently the middle of summer even though I'm wearing a full sweatsuit the air conditioning is on don't worry but I realize that we are deep deep deep in the trenches of wedding season okay and I don't know about you guys but I personally feel like my entire TikTok feed right now is finally Love Island is over and now people are arguing over who should and who shouldn't get plus ones to a wedding and I first want to start off by saying I totally get it I personally planned a very very small wedding last year and I remember how stressful it was deciding who was going to make the cut Sunday morning fath this calling do do do do do do do every Sunday's father's day.

1:02That was pretty good, right? Everyone's situation is different. So I'm not here to tell brides what they should do. It is your wedding. It is your rules. But what I want to do today is just have a little conversation with my single girlies. Okay. Especially the ones who I realized could either be spiraling over not getting a plus one or you could be someone who did get a plus one and you don't have a boyfriend and you're scrambling to try to figure out who the fuck you should bring to these weddings this summer, okay? So first, I just wanna validate you and say I completely get it. I know personally firsthand that going to a wedding alone when you're single, it can feel extremely intimidating.

1:53like you start going through you know are you going to feel awkward who are you going to be stuck sitting next to who are you going to dance with who will you turn to when everyone else is in conversation with their partner like that anxiety is so real and I have been there but here is what I just want to emphasize I don't want you to end up bringing some guy that you are hooking up with, but you aren't even dating as your plus one just because you're too nervous to go alone. Okay. Daddy gang. I know it's tempting. I know I fucking know it's tempting, but hear me out. Bringing a guy to a wedding as your date is not fucking casual.

2:40It is not casual. I know a lot of people may disagree with me. So let me explain myself before you all come for me. whether it is a guy you met on Hinge that you've gone out with twice or it is your full-blown situationship from the last three four five months weddings in my opinion simply are just not casual weddings are intimate they are extremely emotional people are crying over these beautiful toasts about soulmates and grandparents are slow dancing and then suddenly you're four fucking champagnes deep staring at your hookup and you're like oh my god Q what is the Hannah Montana he could be the one he could be the one you start to fantasize this man like should I settle down with him you know what would his vows be to me um would he also cry when I'm walking down the aisle like what kind of suit would he wear and who would be his best man oh wait I don't even know his friends I don't even know his friends you know what I mean but understandably in those moments you're starting to think about all these things because in this environment that's what these things do right meanwhile even though you barely know him you are not even probably compatible but you're thinking this way okay and daddy gang I'm here today to tell you no just it's gonna be a no okay in my opinion bringing a casual date to a wedding can truly, it can like actually warp your brain.

4:15The energy of the night and this emotion-filled weekend or night can, it can just create this false sense of connection. You understandably, again, I want to be empathetic here, but like understandably you start projecting something serious onto someone who is really only good for a late night booty call or like a fun situationship, right? I really don't want us to do that this summer because first of all, these men do not deserve it. When you go back home after that long weekend, this man, you're still wondering if he's going to call and text you and like you still are splitting the bill or you sometimes have picked up the bill.

4:56Like it's not great. And second of all, I think it's also why I don't want you to do this is because you're not in the right headspace. You're not in your right mind when you are at these weddings. Okay. The reality I want to snap all of you back into today is that being single at a wedding does not need to be this scary and overwhelming thing. A solo wedding adventure can actually be one of the most fun nights of your life if you do it right. So today I want to give you guys my advice on how to go to a wedding alone and how to still enjoy yourself. Here we go. Okay. So first thing that comes to mind is you need to strategize wedding night friendships.

5:48You need to essentially secure a few allies. So if you're friends with a couple that is going together, immediately text them and just say, hey guys, I'm a little anxious to go to this wedding alone. Do you guys mind if I occasionally pop in and third wheel you at times throughout the night? Chances are most couples will be glad to have someone new to chat with beyond just each other. But again, please, for the love of fucking God, read the room. You are not asking your friends who are a couple that are also going to be there. Hey, can I bunk with you guys? Can I can I bunk in your fucking room on this nice weekend getaway that you guys are getting?

6:28Like, no, no, no, no. We are being self-aware that throughout the weekend, yes, we are going to let them dance to the slow songs together. We're not doing a fucking three way. We're all holding hands and we're going to slow to the beat. But then obviously when the fun group songs come on for sure, like get the fuck right in there and do the YMCA with these motherfuckers. Like they don't need to be solo dolo on that journey. You can pop in. Um, but read the room. You know what I mean? Like don't late night in their room and it's 2am and they're literally like, all right, Jessica, we're trying to fuck read the room.

7:02And I get some people may wonder like, okay, well, what then do I do doing the slow dance? Because I'm going to admit I'm not a stage five clinger, but at a wedding, maybe I am going to go slow dance with this couple. Because what the fuck else am I going to do, Alex? You're going to go to the bar. You're going to mix in a water maybe at this time, right? Or you could get a tequila shot wherever you're at on your journey. You could go pee, right? There's never a good time to go pee. Now is a good time to go pee. You could take a couple selfies, quick selfies, cute little quick selfies that maybe you can wake up in the morning and be like, oh my God, I did get a couple pictures.

7:35Although that is sad, I feel like I only got them by myself. Maybe don't. Ditch the selfies, ditch the cell phone in general. No selfies. Go pee or take a tequila shot. It'll be over before you know it. Like songs are so fucking quick. And in my personal opinion, and I did this at my wedding, like we're rarely playing slow songs at weddings. It's usually like the first dance and maybe they throw in one or two for the bride and the groom. But like no one wants to slow dance at a fucking wedding. Now let's go to if you don't know anyone going or you really are just looking to hang with another single person that's going to be there.

8:14my advice would be you are going to text the bride or the groom whoever you're closest to and you're going to see what other single girls are going to be at this wedding I'm also sure the bride would love that because she wants all of her girls to enjoy themselves and if she's like oh my god I was worried about Cassandra being single and I forgot that Mariah is single this is perfect like she wants the vibes to be great too I actually had a friend who did this and ended up splitting a hotel room with another single girl who was going to the same destination wedding. But they had literally never met you guys.

8:48And their mutual connection was being single and friends with the bride. That was quite literally it. And boom, it was a match made in heaven. So I would ask the bride for the phone number of the one or two single girls who are going to be at this wedding and either shoot them a text or even you can just like DM them on Instagram and your message can be as simple as, hey girl, so excited to meet you at so-and-so's wedding. Do you know what dress you're wearing yet? Full stop. Like girls read the room. Immediately that girl is going to be like, oh, she wants to be friends. Thank fucking God she DMed me because I was two seconds away from DMing her.

9:27You don't have to become best friends though. I think that's a huge point too. Like, but it's having an ally. It's going to make you feel so much better going into the night or the weekend. Like immediately all of your anxiety of like, who am I sitting next to blah, blah, blah. It kind of dissipates because you're like, at least I know the girl I'm gonna be standing at the bar with, the girl that I'm gonna be getting ready with, the girl I may be splitting a room with. Like immediately check, check, check. Anxiety goes from a 10 to like at least a seven. In my opinion, you just need one person to anchor you, Daddy Yang.

9:59Like that I hope also brings the anxiety level down, like literally one person. honestly if there's also no single people going the bartender the bartender can become your best friend like who knows it's just one person and suddenly you are not the awkward girl standing alone in the corner my next piece of advice is don't unintentionally isolate yourself from the other wedding guests and I know that sounds like obviously what the fuck but hear me out what I kind of mean by that is like you need to fight the urge to hide on your phone okay this isn't just at weddings this is all across the board birthday parties fucking get-togethers reunions whatever it be like fight the urge I acknowledge this might be one of the hardest piece of advice is to actually like implement that I'm giving you because I've done it myself the reality is our phones are our security blankets, right?

11:00Like, especially when we're alone or we're out of place and we're like, oh my God, I look like a fucking loser. I'm just sitting here. What am I going to do? Pulls out phone. Daddy gang, I'm telling you, listen closely, okay? When you're hunched over scrolling, you look so fucking unapproachable. Also, you look 10 times more unattractive because we don't know what we look like when we're on our phones, right? We're kind of in our own world. everything is just not looking good when you're hunched over no one is going to come up to you and be like hey do you want to dance hey do you want to go get a drink hey my name is barb like no one is going to come up to you so you're going to miss out on meeting new people if you are attached to your phone so force yourself to put it down and i promise that you can survive one to two hours without checking your fucking phone guess what newsflash no one liked your instagram picture no one liked it how amazing or even 10 people liked it don't care it can wait for later when you're alone in bed.

11:56How about that? How about that? You're going to actually, we haven't gotten there yet. Maybe you won't be alone in bed. The point is fucking leave it. Okay. And then once you get past that point where you're like relinquishing all social media, all your phone, all that using it as a clutch, it's going to get easier. You're going to look around. You're going to fucking smile. You're going to make eye contact and you are going to try to strike up conversations. In my opinion, weddings are the easiest fucking place to make small talk even if you are like dreading it I understand small talk is not something that I'm like I can't wait to fucking small talk but everyone is connected to the couple somehow like you have instant common ground that at a lot of situations in adulting you don't have that like networking actually punched me in the head like this is so much easier common ground the easiest conversation starters like are you on the bride side or the groom side like how do you know them How did you meet them?

12:54Oh, did you meet in college? Where did you go to college? Like it is fucking zinger after zinger, bitch. Like you're the most extroverted fucking cunt in the world at weddings because it's easy shit. You could be the most unself-aware person and you can clock some great fucking questions. Okay. Use the married couple as a bridge to get the conversation flowing. I think another way people accidentally isolate themselves is by not reading the room and matching the vibe of the wedding. Okay, daddy gang, we've all been there. But I know that when you're single and nervous, sometimes we think, wow, how can I alleviate this stress?

13:34How can I alleviate this pain? Let's take 10 shots, right? Like it's a classic gateway. And you think it's gonna make you feel more comfortable and it's gonna make you forget that you're alone, but it's not. It's actually gonna make it a lot worse for you. Not every wedding is supposed to be a rager. if the wedding is chill what are we gonna be we're gonna be chill we're gonna have a couple glasses of wine okay we're gonna take it easy um I get it it's easier said than done but really really really big advice is try not to use alcohol as a crutch it's gonna be really hard for someone to strike up a conversation with you if you are blackout drunk before the gorgeous lovely couple has even cut the cake.

14:19Like also you don't want to be that person that wanted to show up for your friend and then you're getting blackout drunk and it's because of your anxiety. And then you're like, oh my God, why did I do that to my friend? Fuck. I hate myself. Like there is nothing worse. How about this? What's worse? Feeling a little awkward in a room because you don't have a blackout. You're not blackout or you wake up in the morning and you did get blackout and you ruin this person's entire wedding you know what I mean like we got a look at the pros and cons probably better just feel a little awkward because you're not that fucking drunk so keep it together match the energy of the room put yourself out there and be open to meeting people like everyone at a wedding is trying everyone feels that way let's keep it fucking real as someone who loved her wedding weddings can fucking suck like weddings you're like oh my god I don't want to have to fucking talk to these people and it's small talk everyone's feeling that way so they're just looking for an easy nice conversation if you can be that point of contact you are fucking in daddy gang which leads me to my next point if you are single at a wedding you need to embrace the romantic chaos and lean the fuck in if there is a cute single man there daddy gang from my lips to your brain is that a thing I don't know you're gonna fucking go for it because who cares who cares you probably will never see this guy again you've got an open bar you have a DJ playing fun music you're a little tipsy you look drop dead gorgeous okay there are flowers there are candles you gotta go for it go make out with a stranger in the photo booth right like we're not holding back go skinny dip in the fucking hotel pool.

16:09Love that. If I saw that at my wedding, I would have been like, yes, yes, yes. You're doing all the right things. Okay. You are surrounded by a lot of people. Sometimes people have the snooze fest weddings where it's like everyone's above fucking 60, but most of the time you may be surrounded by some people that are actually your own age, single guys. And this is the biggest fucking point of a wedding. That's your friends. These people are already vetted. Think about that. When you're at a bar with those little creeps, you see a fucking guy that could be cute. Little do you know, he's a fucking grade A creep.

16:40Okay. He's going to ruin your life and you don't even know it. These people are vetted. There's accountability to be had. If you meet this guy and he fucks your life up, guess whose fault it is? The bride. Okay. So this all comes back around. You have vetted men in a contained area. You better take advantage of that opportunity at this wedding. You know what I'm saying? Like if you go solo, you actually have to switch your mindset to anything can happen at these weddings as long as you're open to it as long as you're not hunched over fucking mouth breathing on hinge while you have a platter of opportunity in front of you okay as long as you're open to it it can truly be the most amazing night ever so instead of dreading going to weddings this summer daddy gang we are going to lean in and we are going to enjoy ourselves by bringing a default situationship or a guy you met randomly and you're like do you want to come to this fucking wedding with me you're just complicating something that never was probably going to last in the first place and also if you do have a situationship and you buy into a wedding you're so done like you're so that man is gonna be like oh my god she's so fucking obsessed with me like how many times do I have to not call her back and now she's inviting me to a fucking wedding, like read the room that he probably will like you more if he's like, oh, where are you going this weekend?

18:00And you're like a wedding. And he's like, oh, wow. So I guess we definitely are still a situationship. Like this is a good opportunity for you to not bring those pieces of shit in closer to your personal life. OK, going single and meeting a guy at a wedding is 10 times better. No strings attached, no conflicted emotions, no crying in the bathroom. You will be setting this playbook and you put it to work this summer. So daddy gang, I hope everyone is getting excited. You're getting your hottest fucking dress. You're getting ready for whatever fucking wedding you were miserable that you had to go to.

18:39And now you're like, okay, wait, maybe I'm going to beat someone. And if I don't, I'm going to make some great fucking friends and I'm going to have a good fucking time. So I cannot wait for you guys to write in. Tell me all of your crazy wedding season hookup stories but for now daddy gang I personally think it's time that we you know venture off we gotta we gotta pivot a little bit we're gonna we're gonna go to a land we're gonna go to a land that is filled with baguettes and and wine and spritzes we're going first class up in the sky popping champagne here in the life on the fast line I won't change we're going to Paris oh the flousy flousy to Paris oh the flousy flousy in Paris

19:38we are going to a little place I personally like to go questions of the mother the mother the motherfucking week questions of the motherfucking week that was like chill easy no dog guys when you message me and you're like Alex my dog was jumping at the tv screen like there was a burglar entering our house gets me every fucking time um questions of the motherfucking week you guys let's answer some of these burning questions I need to help you you know you help me I help you daddy gang number one daddy I need help my boyfriend of two years recently asked for a break classic immature move during that break I hooked up with a lifeguard and it was amazing now a few days later he wants to get back together.

20:36I want to get back with him, but should I tell him I slept with someone during the break or keep it to myself? Much love. Girl. Okay. Before we talk about whether or not you should tell this man, I think that it's really important to acknowledge the fact that he is the one that put your relationship on a break. So you said in your right end, you said like, this feels like it came from a place of like just pure immaturity so my question back to you is why do you want to take him back like is he truly a really good partner or do you just want the comfort of having someone again or even is it like an ego thing like because he ended it with you now you just want him back do you know what I mean like it doesn't sound like he's ready to be in a full term committed relationship.

21:29And my initial worry for you is you kind of have no clarity on why he wanted to take a break and why he did what he did. So that to me means he's probably going to do it again, babe. Like this is not the last time, maybe the first, but definitely not the last. Also, the fact that the break was only a few days is a major red flag to me. this feels extremely impulsive and yes, immature, like you said. Also, if you hooked up with someone else during this really short break, again, I think you need to ask yourself, do you really even like this person? If I was in love with someone and they blindsided me with a break, like I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and I'm thinking about when I was kind of first, you know pretty serious with Matt I don't think I could have even thought about getting back out there in 48 fucking hours I would be like on the bathroom floor crying and upset and trying to process all this so I want to clarify I'm not saying that you should feel guilty but I do think it says something about how you feel and the true depth of the relationship that currently stands so first piece of advice is I would ask you to really re-evaluate how you feel about the relationship what doubts and concerns did you have before that break that maybe you weren't willing to look at um sometimes I feel like the person that puts the break or decides on the break or the breakup like it feels like they have all the power because you're looking inward being like what did I do wrong what I do wrong and meanwhile it's like girl do you even want to be in this anymore.

23:13Now for whether or not you should tell him, I personally think you should without a doubt 100 % tell him the reason that you were able to so freely go and hook up with someone else is because of him. He made the decision to go on a break with you. So you're allowed to do whatever the fuck you wanted during this time. And if he gets mad or breaks up with you over that, then there is your immediate answer and sign like you shouldn't be with someone like that, right? You did nothing wrong. In my opinion, breaks are so messy, honestly. And I think the only way a break could potentially work is if there is such a level of maturity and honesty and communication around said break.

23:57And even still then, I think they're really difficult. Most of the time, it's one person initiating the break. And the only way I think it can again work is if they're doing it in a way that they're trying their hardest to respect you and your feelings. Like is the goal of the break to make you stronger or find something out that you both know you need to individually work on? Like this break literally fucking sounds, babe, and I hate to like kind of punch you in the face, but it literally sounds like he wanted to go play Xbox for a few days or like fuck a couple of bitches. And then he was like, okay, I'm good.

24:31Decided to come back. It sounds like this break was three days. Like that is unacceptable to its core. And my final red flag which I want to leave you with is this is an indicator to me of how he's going to handle really important or tough conversations between the two of you for the rest of time if you have a relationship with this person this is not someone that's thoughtful this is not someone that is thinking about your feelings this is not even someone that's thinking about your future they're just kind of going with what feels right in the moment and I personally don't want someone like that for anyone in the daddy gang.

25:06You need someone that's thoughtful. So to the daddy gang listening that maybe you haven't been asked to go on a break with your partner, maybe this doesn't exactly relate to you. What I could say is for anyone listening, I hope what you can take from this is sometimes when a partner does something that hurts us or upsets us, we understandably are so caught up in our emotions and our ego that we rarely pause and honestly evaluate, wait, why is this person treating me this way? Like we're so wrapped up in, oh my God, this person just broke up with me and I'm so embarrassed or I'm so hurt and I'm feeling all these things.

25:49And you're understandably so trying to connect with the emotion of how it's making you feel. But I don't think we often pause to be like, wait, wait, wait, why would we want to be with someone that just did that to us. Like even as far down to when you get cheated on, we're like, oh my God, what did I miss? And how many times has this happened? And I'm so embarrassed and I'm so upset. And how am I going to tell my family? And it's almost like the person's like sitting over here and it's like, wait, wait, wait, let's deal with all those emotions in a second. Let's all collectively agree. This person's a piece of shit.

26:19Got it. Okay, good. Now handle the emotions. So I just think we have to look at the bigger picture because most of the time in these little moments, they're telling us exactly how they are going to continue to treat us. And we let things kind of blur our vision and we let things distract us from the obvious answer directly in front of us. So I hope that helps. Okay, next question. Hey Alex, my best friends, one guy one girl started dating earlier this year before they went from friends to lovers we were all such close friends for literally a decade it was never weird for the guy and I to hang out one-on-one he is one of my closest guy friends now that they're dating my female friend will not allow me to hang out with her boyfriend without her and she gets mad if we are even texting she said if I can't follow her new boundaries she will cut me off I feel so uncomfortable and trapped how do I handle this what the fuck dude I don't like this I don't I don't like this at all um whoa okay this sounds like you are dealing with a friend who is dealing with some major major insecurities on her end the thing is is like you haven't changed anything right you would all hang out individually and in a group and you are moving the same way that you have for over a decade a decade so my hope is that she settles into the relationship and these boundaries that she's putting up will loosen but right now it is putting you in a really tough position and I can acknowledge for you like she is not being a good and thoughtful friend what I don't love is that she's throwing down all of these really strict rules without having a conversation with you to the point where it almost makes me feel like there is something huge missing in this dynamic like my personal brain goes to I feel like it's possible that this guy once had like a crush on you and said something to her about you that clearly stuck with her like a decade ago and now she's hyper aware and hyper insecure about how the two of you interact meanwhile you're completely oblivious to this like clearly you're literally like guys what we're not doing friday movie nights anymore like what happened um regardless i don't think it's healthy how she's treating the situation but i worry for you if you try to call her out for it she's probably just gonna get so fucking defensive so i want to protect you and want you to be careful about how you navigate this given her current headspace um because even like if i pause for a minute and I think about coming from the perspective of as someone who does feel secure in their relationship there is truly no better feeling than when my partner gets along with my best friends that's why I'm I I know there's something off with her because when you are secure in your relationship it's like oh my god nothing makes me happier than when Lauren and Kristen get to hang out with Matt if I'm working and I'm like oh my god I come down and they're all like eating and having wine together and I'm like this literally melts my heart so I think this is what I would do I think that you can ask to have a conversation with her about what this new trio dynamic looks like and you can make it clear even though you're gonna be like oh I hate this but just fucking even lie even if it's just a current lie tell her how much you love them as a couple and that you are so so happy for both of them and you are more than happy to be the third wheel in moments but point out to her like but you did have your own friendship with her and him before this and now it feels like you are being punished for them starting to date also the toxic side of me can't help but think about this like she is inadvertently making your friendship with him awkward and tense now and like I feel like when people do that and she's creating this out of thin air like that's actually what would push you guys together to like have an affair do you know what I mean like there was no forbidden fruit in your eyes and now you're like wait why can't I be alone with him and then all of a sudden his like dick starts to look longer and you're like maybe I do want to be alone with him like it but she's creating this thing it's not you it's her um I don't know at the end of the day she's putting you in a position where you're being forced to choose between her and him and that is irrational so she should want her boyfriend to be close with her friends also I'm so curious like I wonder what he fucking thinks about this like do you even think he's aware of this actually this is what I just realized this is what you're gonna do you're 100 % you're not having a like a solo conversation with her you're gonna sit both of them down that's what you're gonna do see we just need to talk through it as in talk through it I just need to process this this is oh oh my god wait now I need you to like write the fuck back into me because this is what we're gonna do okay you're gonna sit them both down and you're gonna say something along the lines of I'm making these fucking names up okay guys Shelly has made me aware that you guys are now uncomfortable with my friendship with you Mark and I am both hurt and genuinely confused and I just want to have a really honest and open conversation I love you guys so much I am so happy for you guys that you found love and started dating and I don't want anything to change between the three of us you guys have been my best friends for over a decade but I'm really just coming to you guys because like I literally don't I don't know what to do and like I just wanted to hear from you guys like what do you guys propose I'm not kidding you I think you coming to both of them and doing this I think it's going to completely break open a different conversation and it's going to force everyone to put their cards on the table because I have been in enough situations in my life where I think the moment that you say this, the guy is going to turn to your girlfriend and be like, what is she talking about?

32:43What do you mean that she and I can't hang out individually anymore? I bet he has no fucking idea. And when this goes down, you are going to realize this has nothing to do with you. Like this has literally nothing to do with you this is your friend needs to work out something within herself and within her relationship but you kind of can just sit back and then I swear to you you think this fucking dude is like yeah I can't hang out with her anymore I'm really uncomfortable no your friend is feeling uncomfortable and I bet the guy has no fucking idea and I would say if you weren't friends with the guy obviously you would never ambush your friend like this but this is your friend group you guys have always hung out alone what the fuck is the difference now because she's being insecure well she needs to get the fuck over it because you're not trying to fuck her boyfriend until she pushes you far enough and maybe you will no I'm just kidding um no I'm really sorry overall because when a friend is projecting insecurities onto another friend it's so hard to not take it personally and it's hard to get to that person and try to get them to understand like you're not a threat you love them clearly this is something they're going through and you're just like collateral damage but I would say daddy gang at a certain point you do also have to set boundaries for yourself and you have to stand up for yourself and you can't keep taking shit also again if you're not in a trio I do think also another takeaway that's just more relatable for people is this like I feel like as uncomfortable as direct conversations can be it is the absolute best way to work through difficult moments because even if there is an initial blow up you will never regret being honest and upfront in a situation especially when it's coming from a place where you genuinely want to find a resolution and then of course it's on the other person if they can meet you in the middle and you can work through it like if they freak out if they lash out on you then you probably weren't meant to be in a relationship with someone that's that insecure and that's that unwilling to see both sides and empathize with you.

34:47So you're going to get your answer, even if it's the one that you don't want. But in the long run, you'll realize it was for the best. I'm sorry. That's really fucking shitty. I hate getting friendship questions because it's just so fucking sticky. And there's so many dynamics at play. But I'm hoping that could help. OK, question three. Hi, Daddy. I really want to focus on my health and fitness this year. but I'm single and feel like the only way to meet guys is by going out drinking at bars. The problem is drinking always leads to drunk pizza and hangover binges and always wake up feeling like shit on Mondays after a weekend full of going out.

35:23I can't seem to break the cycle. How do I balance my health goals with my social life girl? We would have been friends when I lived in New York city. Cause I feel like this was, it was like a ticking time bomb. I was like, there will be celery and broccoli on my plate oh it's Sunday now I'm back to fucking eating Chick-fil-a because I'm so fucking hungover why can I not win listen I remember this in my early 20s being in these spirals you try all week to be healthy you try to hit your goals you try to self set yourself up for success weekend comes bender you've never felt shittier I get it so the first thing I want to say here is like it does make total sense that you want to go out to bars on the weekend.

36:05But I think we almost need to like reprogram our brains that the wildest night out is not the type of night that will lead to you meeting a potential partner. And that I wish someone would have said to me back in my single New York days. I would go to certain clubs. Shout out, you know, Marquis. Shout out One Oak. All these places. PhD rooftop. Okay. I would go to certain clubs there was literally no way that I was going to meet a serious relationship there but what drove me to go every single time was just because FOMO all my friends were going everyone's hammered even if you're in a relationship sometimes people are going because it's like the DJ's playing no one's talking you're supposed to go right and you're like why do I feel like shit when I get home and even more lonely it's because you got no actual fulfillment within it you didn't get any good conversations nothing stimulating happened and a lot of times if you're in these like bar club situations a lot of times you are just connecting off of genuine first base attraction it's not a foundation though that you're like looking to build a relationship with you probably don't even know what this fucking guy's first name is if you're going home with him because you couldn't even talk to him in a club so I actually think it is the chiller type of nights and events where drinking is less the focus where you're actually going to be able to meet someone and I know that sounds really fucking straightforward but for some reason we keep doing this to ourselves and by ourselves I did it my whole fucking 20s I'm like why am I not meeting someone and it's literally like babe everyone's taking Jager bomb shots and then we're all black out like no you're not gonna even if you met the love of your life you wouldn't know it because you wouldn't remember in the morning okay so I think it's looking for more of like the networking drinks or like apartment warming parties or house warming parties or baby showers or like friend family dinners like even going out for happy hour drinks on week nights like I think sometimes we don't have to live for Friday Saturday it's like what about a nice Wednesday you're going to a happy hour you're having two drinks the vibe is just automatically chiller in these type of settings and a lot of times if you go to a happy hour during the week like people are still in their work clothes they're not trying to fucking funnel 12 beers that night right so even though it may not sound as exciting to potentially meet someone at your local coffee shop I do think that that's actually going to be where you get the outcome that you want so it may not look as cool on social media but that's okay we have to stop giving a fuck about social media you guys okay I don't think when you're writing this in and I know a lot of people struggle with this the best point I think I could make is like you do not need to rehaul your whole life and stop going out I think a huge misconception we we think to ourselves that like it has to be one extreme the other we're either coffee date girls or we're raging whores in the club like no we can find balance but I think it's making small changes within your current cycle that will help you a lot this may sound counterintuitive but this is just something that I have found that has worked for myself and it may not work for everyone but maybe don't be so restrictive on yourself during the week days because then that may make you almost feel like you're using the weekends as a complete escape where you're just going balls to the wall.

39:23Like if you can find a little bit more balance during the week, it will go a long way. Also, I would ask yourself, are you going out on the weekends because you're actually thinking you're going to meet a guy or because you're just bored and lonely during the week? Like restructure your week so that you aren't waiting for the weekend and putting so much pressure to have these insane weekends that you're like daydreaming about at your desk. And then you get to the bar on Friday night and you're like, let's fucking go. And you're like alter ego comes out. It's like, no, no, no, no. Try workout classes with friends or like sober dinners with your girls.

40:00Like try to mix things in during the week so that your weekend isn't actually like all hell is breaking loose. And then my final piece of advice is if you do go to these clubs or bars, you do not need to get fucked up and there is something really fun and comforting when you do connect with someone who is on the same level as you in these environments like imagine this okay imagine this you go to the bar that you always go to but you decide you know what I'm gonna have two to three drinks instead of six drinks and therefore you are coherent enough to suss out the guy who is also on your level and you're actually able to have a real conversation to the point where he may be like, hey, there's like a wine bar down the street.

40:43Do you want to go somewhere like a little quieter? Yeah, fuck me. Like that is the type of shit that's going to come to you more if you put yourself in these positions. The biggest point is you need to be in the first place acting the way you would want to be attracting people. So blackout you is not going to find Mr. Husband right. It's going to be you being coherent. Question four. Okay, daddy help. The guy I'm hooking up with has one of those bathrooms that is attached to his bedroom and the door doesn't go all the way down to the floor. So you can completely hear anything in the bathroom from his room.

41:21I literally can't get myself to use the bathroom because I'm so self-conscious about him hearing me. I just found out I have a UTI. So I know I need to get over this and start peeing after sex. What the fuck do I do? Bitch. First of all, who the fuck designed these bathrooms? and whoever did, because I've dated someone with that kind of bathroom, needs to go to jail. Why are we making bathroom doors that aren't fully closing? Also that have like a full fucking six inches just left uncovered. I'm so sorry. I really can't imagine this. I am picturing myself back in the day, whoever I was dating, and it was just the worst.