Huda: Love Island Tell All

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy. huda welcome to call her daddy thank you how are you feeling i'm feeling like really excited i'm overwhelmed as fuck overwhelmed in like a good way and like in multiple ways like i'm not even like sitting here and i'm like i'm overwhelmed like i can't do it's like an overwhelming like it's just i'm taking everything in all at once i think anyone would can you explain a little bit like what have the past 48 hours since leaving the villa been like for you i think really like right now i'm just trying to make sure that everything like is good with the people that i'm really close with and that i hold dear to my heart because i'm like my daughter like my family like those are the people that i've checked on this entire time like i haven't texted anybody back at all how many texts do you have so many girls hundreds i i haven't like the only other person i've called is my best friend okay that's it throughout the season you were one of if not without a doubt the most polarizing person on the show people either absolutely adore love you or there are people that like it actually feels like hate you and like do not fuck with you at all yeah why do you think that this is the case i think that honestly i think perception's everything and I feel like not all the time things are shown in the way that they are like perceived on TV and I mean I know who I am as a person I think that's what really matters I feel like if people are hating on me okay fuck you like like I don't give a fuck like why does it matter as long as the people that I love are close to me and like that care about me and they you know see me for who I actually am like that's truly what matters to me and I'm very very very blessed to have so many people that do love me and support me because I feel like the good outweighs the bad in all honesty and yeah I just I try to pay the hate like no mind to be honest like you don't know me you don't know me at all I was gonna ask you like now that you have had your phone back and have gotten maybe like a brief second in between like no sleep I was gonna say no sleep club another club you I haven't I'm not I'm not outside I'm not you're sitting girl I'm sat I'm sat you're like this with your sunglasses the meme of no dad is sitting no you're not moving you're not moving I was gonna ask like now that you've gotten to maybe see a couple of like your mentions like what comments have been like negatively the most shocking to you oh fuck I really don't pay that shit on mine um one the craziest thing I've heard is that people called CPS on me I was like are you so serious right now first of all my daughter's dad was fully aware of what I was doing he was fully okay with it he signed consent like we're like we had that conversation we're fine me going on a show does not mean me a bad person you know how many mothers are you know doing tours around the world who are doing all these things they can't see their kids it's like it doesn't make you a bad mom to do something for yourself in that way at all.

3:20Yep. Thank you. And I'm just like, I don't understand it because it's just like, you guys just have nothing better to do at this point. And, you know, I know that I'm a good mom. I'm with my daughter 24 seven, me and her dad, me and her dad, me and her dad, we split custody. So like, I have her Monday, Sunday through Fridays, and then he has her the days that I don't have her. And so I have a majority of the time I'm with her 24 7 like I do the pickups and drops off at school I pack her lunches you know I'm there to give her a pep talk of the kids being mean to her in class like I'm there for her through and through she tells me about the boys she likes like we do the hee hee ha ha like we get we put perfume on in the mornings together we brush our teeth in the same sink even though I have a double sink she brushes it in my sink with me every morning I do her hair every morning we do outfits together in the morning like all that stuff anytime I put a dress on she's like you look so beautiful mommy like she she's my hype woman someone says something mean to me she's like don't talk to my mom like that mind you she's forward dude i mean i have questions like later on that i want to talk to you about because that was like a point people were talking about is like you and your family and all of it but like i can imagine coming out of the villa and just as a human being but most importantly as a mother understandably immediately your gut reaction is to address that because like that's your blood that's your daughter Yeah, anything.

4:41Yeah, my the only thing I was worried about as soon as I walked out of that villa was my daughter Yeah, that is the main thing I wanted to address. I could care less about hatred from people I care more about her safety and if she's okay

5:09okay there has been so much conversation about your character how you treated other islanders whether or not your behavior was toxic and we are going to get into all of it tonight but i think in order to have like an actual productive conversation i want to get to know you a little bit better before we get to your love island days so let's go back um i want to talk to you about your childhood yes what was it like in your house growing up um so growing up so my parents they immigrated to america and got their citizenship and my dad he had his own business and my mother she was a teacher and you know we didn't we didn't we weren't like fortunate as kids like we my mother and father had five kids so it's like and they immigrated here no family nothing so I wasn't raised with money I wasn't raised with that we played with sticks outside we didn't have phones so we were just like 16 17 like you know I'm not I'm not a what is a privileged child I was never that um and growing up my my dad was extremely abusive um he was very abusive like towards my mother towards me and my siblings um like a vivid memory I have as a kid is like i don't like i don't even know how old i was but i remember hearing my dad like beating the out of my mom in the room and i remember like finally like i think someone got the door open and i just remember seeing my mom's face like her glasses were broken and then i just see him snap her head back and slam the door like that's i'm gonna cry like that's that's literally like that was my childhood can i get a tissue there's tissue i got you damn we just started alex um hold on a second uh you're good i'm definitely about to start my period like there's no fucking way i'm not i'm on mine so we'll just fucking try together alex you're making me sink with you should i stuff this yeah yeah just put it there okay so um but yeah so i grew up in an extremely abusive household not needless to say like i did have a fun childhood though i think me and my siblings were extremely close in the midst of the chaos like we were very very close my sister she would get us away from all that she would like take us on little we call the dinosaur trail and it was like this dirt road because they were doing construction sometimes you would see like deer tracks and whatnot and like sometimes she would do things to make it look cooler to make us think there were dinosaurs and stuff like that's like the things we'd have fun with we'd go in the creek and we play in the creek we we would do all these things as kids we and of the five kids where were you in the lineup I'm the youngest I even in like writing this interview like I had no fucking idea yeah about anything about you because there's not anything really on the internet about your life on the show either no that you didn't talk about any of this on the show oh that's crazy when you're talking about your dynamic with your parents and specifically your father being abusive being the youngest because I can imagine you're talking about your sister kind of like being the one that's getting you guys out of the house but how do you think being the youngest in an abusive household impacted your personal development I think I was a lot more persuasive being a lot younger so I was a lot more persuasive in terms of like giving me sweets and like buying me things and you know doing things towards me and hurting me and saying oh here's this or like doing things and you know saying you know I'll go take you here if you know if you know whatever and that happened to me a lot as a child as well like and then at one point you know one of my parents separated I was in like the fourth grade I believe and my mom I remember when my dad was at work we packed up everything and we left and my mom she got it we lived in like this two bed one bath apartment that was like I think it's like six hundred dollars rent I'm pretty sure um no washer and dryer we would go to the laundry mat like my me and all my sisters were in a room my brother was in his own room my mom slept on the couch it wasn't even a couch it was a when you know those out there like futon things yeah outdoor like things and that they have like the the wooden railing things on them and it's like it's like just a cushion that's what my mom would sleep on every single night because she didn't want to take a bedroom what was the breaking point for her to get you guys out i i'm not 100 sure exactly what her breaking point was um i think maybe it possibly could be her support system on the people outside that saw this happening do you have a relationship with your father do you speak to him i haven't talked to my dad in eight years um yeah i saw talking to him when i was 16 um there's a really valid reason as to why i'm not speaking to him um my dad was there was a lot of times where I was alone with my dad and there's things that like my family doesn't believe me about um tissue damn girl you got me crying on the show oh I know that freaking period is coming and it's on its way to us very soon um period or not like this is some girl trust me I when I was with the psychologist I like talked to her about all these things and i was just crying because it's like you really vote when you talk about it um oh hold on take your time

10:54so anyway there's a lot of things that happen i don't want to go like too much into detail um but i kept a lot of things to myself and then there was a point where i got really scared and i remember calling my mom and just telling like please pick me up like please pick me up and she's like what's wrong like i can't i have to get you tomorrow like she was she was working like three four jobs this woman would not sleep she would sleep like three four hours and we would never really see her as much because she was working all the time we would eat frozen food and wendy's and um she's like i can't i was like i was crying i was like please pick me up i would lock went in his office and was like working and I like tiptoed out when she was there and I like grabbed my things and I like tiptoed past his office because the floor would creak sometimes so I was so scared and so I tiptoed out and I like closed the door really quietly and I just told I was like please go please go please go like I was like please get out like get me out of here and to this day like I don't think anyone in my family believes anything that I say about that why

12:05I have no idea maybe it's hard to believe yeah but I I just accepted that I know what was going on and you know I had listened to like podcasts about certain things leading up to a lot with my dad and it made me realize like i don't want to say grooming but like there's a lot of things that were happening you know i don't know my dad hasn't remarried nothing like he's i have no idea the reasonings behind it so i never really had a father figure growing up in that way um at all what was school like for you doing during all of this um i've always i always got bullied in school um I think I always was just like unapologetically myself and I didn't resonate with a lot of people seems like a theme in your life but we're gonna get to trust me there was a lot of things that triggered me in that villa I will be completely honest with you and things that I caught and was clocking and was told that I was being crazy um but I don't know if anything was done on purpose to make me act out in a way um but yeah what was I saying oh I got bullied in school um when I was in middle school there was a point where like I wanted to take my own life I did not want to live anymore um girls I remember I was friends with these girls and then like it was I think it was like two of them I was friends with two or three of them and one of them was a new girl and mind you I was friends with the other girls we were all fine and then the new world comes and she's like does modeling and she does all these things and like you know I'm just this girl who loves to sing and um she and I she knew I like my dream I used to watch in America's Next Top Model growing up like I wanted to model so bad growing up and you know I realized I was too short like I was like this is not gonna happen for me but I was always a dream of mine and like she knew that and she would kind of rub it in my face and I'd be like oh you're not even pretty enough to do that you're not skinny enough you're not this I stopped eating for days at a time like I remember my math teacher she would literally be like what do you need to eat like you need to eat something like I would never eat anything I was bulimic like I would literally chew food and then spit it into a trash can just to taste it because I thought I wasn't skinny enough and did any of your anyone in your life like like your mom or your older sister did anyone know you were going through this I didn't say anything and like these girls would push me into lockers throw food on me um specifically that one girl she would do that and other girls would just hee hee ha ha um kids would harass me in school they would uh I remember this one kid who was on the football team he would grab my ass he would like pin me against the wall in middle school um people would make racial comments about me um call me a terrorist this this stuff happened to me my childhood and um leading into like high school like I had always felt like I got left out of things throughout school like in high school um i remember people tried to start bullying me again i think at that point you know before that i had begged god i was like please please please like please please get rid of these girls for me please like make this easier for me like give me a fresh start please to both the girls they moved away and i had a chance at a fresh start and you know everyone's school like kind of knew what people were doing i mean at least as far as I knew and I remember someone tried to make a terrorist comment towards me in high school and I shut that shit down immediately I was like I'm gonna turn a new leaf and just nip it in the bud and I did I'd nipped it in the bud and no one said anything about it again and I remember I was friends with these group of girls in school and I had always felt left out and things because my mom was really strict on me like she wouldn't let me go to sleepovers she wouldn't let me go out like she didn't want me to go to like I think we have this thing called like tea dance like she didn't want me to do any of those things um I had to beg her to go to prom and like when I felt left out in things with those friend groups because they would be like oh she can't even go anyway but it's like just ask me if I can like like just give me like a little bit included yeah um I didn't have a phone either and then I finally got a phone like they kind of like they made me get Instagram they're like you need to make an Instagram you make Instagram like okay so I started doing Instagram stuff and like I started getting followers for like my singing videos and things like that it was like it was a fun moment for me but in turn people in school were like she's so full of herself she's so cocky like who does she think she is and you know with that friend group that always left me out there I think there was one point where I was sitting with them at the lunch table when I was just like the girls were laughing about something and I really didn't find it funny um I have a unique sense of humor I feel like like and sometimes people don't understand it but like there's something that I really don't find funny and you know I'm sitting there and these girls are like hee hee howling like laughing and I'm just sitting there just like with a straight face just kind of like wondering like how that is even funny and they looked at me and they're just like Huda like why are you not laughing like what is it and I was like honestly I don't think any of you guys are really funny and I really don't want to be friends with you guys and I got up and I just walked away and since then I would go into this uh dressing room thing that had little mirrors around it I would practice dance I used to be a dance captain I practiced hip-hop in there um was I the number one person in the world no but I was still learning and um I would sing in there I did like I would practice like my acapella stuff in there I would practice I was a theater kid I did a lot of musical theater like I practiced all these things in there by myself free period I'm going to that room and I'm practicing that's all I would do just even like hearing you explain I feel like at such a young age you were getting it from every fucking angle and there was nowhere to go but rely on yourself like you talking about being in your household looking at your mom being physically abused then it turning to you being alone with your father in this moment where you're like scared for your life and you're trying to flee a situation that should be the only the one place you do feel safe then you go to school where maybe it's like let's get some reprieve maybe the kids at school can make me forget about my home life and then you're getting it from your school life and your peers and it's like I can't help but think like what that young version of you how do you not put up this hard wall how do you not become this person that like you just said the minute they made a joke about you and they came at you and they tried to make a racial comment to make you feel less than one day you decide to be like no fuck that but how many days prior were you crying in the bathroom sitting alone crying about it like it's so sad to think about you developmentally how you had to turn from this like soft loving girl to then like you needed to create this hard exterior literally just to survive like what do you wish you could go back and tell yourself like sitting here right now with all this success in like the darkest moments of your life where you mentioned like it got to the point where you literally didn't want to be here anymore fuck him fuck him like who gives a fuck be yourself do what you want to do in life and this is what i tell my daughter all the time like i'm like do what you want to do stop caring about what other people think um because there's times where kids will be mean to her and like and i'm just like honey like you're so smart and you're beautiful and you know you're fun you're funny anyone would hate on somebody like that we all know that you are a mommy mamacita mama mama mama of a human child like you saw that were you like i died how is this the most viral thing i died i was like this is the most viral thing i said is that i'm a mommy like in that in you know it's funny me and nick like barely remember that conversation i just remember going into it i remember i was like me and nick were very like goofy people and we don't take shit seriously in conversations when we talk and you know like there's times where we try to be serious but always ends up on a funny note and in that conversation i remember i wanted to bring it up to him but because of the of our nature and like the way we are i was like i can't sit here and be serious towards him right like nick i have a big thing to tell you i'm so sorry but like this is so serious and you know i am a mother and i i really want you to understand like I didn't want to do that and be like guess what like because that's how we are me and him were goofy as shit but the point I was bringing that up for is you are a mother you have a daughter a gorgeous daughter thank you um how did you meet her dad um tinder we were stop oh my god you need to do like your first brand deals with tinder listen it may not always work out but you might I have a fun time um like literally so we so we uh we met on there I remember I was like 18 okay and I think this is the first time I ever moved out of my mother's house because I was just sick of being controlled at that time you know everyone's rebellious you're getting controlled your whole life you're told you can't go on sleepovers you tell you can't do xyz one two three it's like finally I'm 18 I'm legally I have freedom I can do whatever I want to do and I moved out um I was living with these two other girls and I decided I was like okay I'm gonna talk to whoever I want to talk to I'm gonna go out I'm gonna do this I had my fun when I was 18 and I think that's why I'm like not really big on like going out now like you're like I did it I did the thing that was enough you know the thing yeah you did that okay we how would you describe your early stages of that relationship with him um we were very lovely we got very lovely very fast very lovey dovey like i really liked him a lot and for me i always tell them i'm like you can always tell when i really like somebody and when i really don't you can always tell it's like zero to 100 like you can 100 i can't lie i cannot lie i know you told us you're sitting there with the girls and you're like you're not funny no literally i can't sit here and act like i like you when i don't i can't be fake like if i sit here i'm just like oh my god like i love you you're like no i'm like can you just leave me the fuck alone please like get away from me so you really really liked him i did i really really liked him off the jump like we were very very close very fast but in that um he did cheat on me you know and that doesn't make him a bad person he just made bad decisions okay wait before you got pregnant did you guys have conversations about like what you wanted your future to look like together um we obviously wanted to move in together the goal was marriage like that was always a thing like we were very locked in with each other at that time um we would always i mean a lot of the videos got out like we made so many cute videos together we'd go to the beach a million times together can you take me to the moment when you found out that you were pregnant bitch girl i remember this was after he cheated on me when i was in puerto rico i was in puerto rico with my sister for the first time ever okay first time ever on vacation with her you know first may major vacation i was really excited it was a good time until it wasn't and then i remember you know i had his location and at this time hell yeah i mean someone's cheating on you multiple times you're gonna get a little toxic and go a little crazy and i'm i'm checking that man's location like nobody's business on this vacation because he cheated on me so many times but i was naive i was naive at that time i took him back a million fucking times okay i do want to emphasize you were 18 at exactly this is like what like six years ago i know i know but now we like we do got to get better but i agree i don't do that anymore okay okay i don't even care like no no now girl guys have given me the location i forget that i have it okay perfect like you're too tired i'm tired grandpa like i don't want to do that shit man okay so you're 18 you're getting toxic because he's cheated a couple times and you're like i'm on to you motherfucker i'm in puerto rico what happens girl so i'm looking i'm looking through you know seeing where this man is going right And I remember there was one night particularly, he was not answering the phone.

24:11And I was just like, okay, this man is up to the phone. I was like, he has to be cheating on me because that was the only logical answer. And to my surprise, he was cheating on me. So I was like, okay, cool. Great. So I remember I was just going off on him because he was not answering his phone. He was at this random house. And we had to talk because he wouldn't let me go to clubs or anything. and I wasn't like allowed to go to parties uh I had lost a lot of my friends at the time because like he every time I would hang out with them he would like blow up my phone and you know mind you I feel like I blew up his phone too like it's not like it was just him you know I'm saying like it's I've not I was doing shit too there was a cycle that was being created yeah it was a very toxic relationship and um basically he was at this house I'm calling he's my answering then I see his car leaving early in the morning like just leaving that house he's calling me he's like i just got a ticket like i'm late to work i just got a ticket i just got a ticket i'm just like hmm where were you i was home i was home this is when he was in the barracks in the military and so you told me he was in the barracks brother did you forget i had your location like i've been tracking your house like my uber and twitter like literally i'm like best girl i'm not like a hawk like i'm looking at your ass going you're like you're zooming you're going 71 miles per hour it's back down to 60 like i'm looking at the whole shebang like i know what route you took literally i know the way you go home from work like i saw the whole thing but no no i'm just kidding but like i i was just like all right um you definitely weren't home i'm not crazy i'm texting his friend his friend i guess told me he said that he was he slept at his place like his friend's place in like the barracks room yeah and then i asked him where he slept last night he slept he slept in his own room so the math wasn't mathin you're like one of you is fucking lying you idiot in the middle of this conversation i get a dm hey girly i was like be so for real my intuition never lies i'm like oh my god i looked at that shit i was like wow i got pictures of them in bed together no yeah i was like damn that's crazy not that anyway girly yeah and i was just like okay cool yeah then um that whole thing happened then he was like said a lot of things to convince me to take him back which i did and i was naive i get it i get it anyone that's judging didn't have their one of those first true like so madly in love toxic relationship everyone has one i had one and it was horrible but and it fucks you up but it's intoxicating because when you're in love for the first time you don't really understand anything else I never had that a good example growing up like I never had anyone to guide me in that way at all I thought when I got when I became 18 and I mind you I didn't have my first kiss until after high school I didn't have sex until after high school like I thought I thought men I thought it was like like a fairy tale I thought it was like Disney swear to god I'm watching all these things i'm watching all these disney movies and i'm just like oh my god like it's gonna be like that and he's gonna like he's gonna look in the classroom and be like hey like i'm thinking it's like gonna be some cute lovey shit bitch when i girl when i lost my virginity and that man was sleeping with one of the girls who bullied me in school i was like be so for real this shit is not what i thought it was you're like this is a horror movie dead ass dead ass this shit literally dude you had a rude awakening coming literally i know i haven't gone on the pregnant topic yet but okay yeah we're getting there we're getting there sorry i have adhd i won't let you forget thanks how the fuck did you find out you're pregnant okay so after that happened i remember we were we were all hanging out like having a little party whatever i remember i was going up the the i was going up the stairs and i remember me and his friends crossed paths i remember i was lit as shit this time and i was just like i looked at his friend I was like I think I'm pregnant and he just he looked at me he was just like no and I was like yeah he's like no and then I remember I had eaten Taco Bell and I threw that shit up everywhere and then this is also when I found out I was allergic to Tylenol so I took a Tylenol and I found I was allergic to that so that was another thing I had a fever after that not a good time you know morning sickness plus a fever not great so anyway after that we were going home and i was like okay we need to buy a plan b i'm like okay cool um let's go buy a plan b we go to the we go to walmart okay we go to wally world and i was like all right let's go buy a plan b we're going and i'm looking at the pregnancy test i'm like do you think we should buy a pregnancy test he's just like why i was like i don't know like i just feel like we should buy one and he was just like okay but why?

28:57I was like, okay, well, you know, we're not really rich right now. I was like, the plan B is more expensive than the pregnancy test. Imagine if I'm pregnant, we can just return the plan B. So that was my logic. I was like, all right. And we go, I go in the Walmart bathroom and I pee on the stick. I put it back in the box and I walk out and he's just like, what did it say? I'm like, I don't know yet. It's still developing. He's like, okay. We walk to the car. We get in the car. We sit down. He's like, are you going to open it? I was like, yeah. open that shit pregnant I said oh we started crying we started crying we was in shock I was in shock I was crying like what do I do I'm talking to my best friend I'm like girl what do I do and she's like I like you know do whatever you want to do whatever you feel is right blah blah blah blah I'm like okay cool and long story short we kept breaking up and getting back together he deployed we kept fighting the entire time um you know it's he still was talking to the girls like Like it was like a whole thing.

29:51And yeah, that was the story of how I found out I was pregnant. How did your family react? So I actually kept it from my mom for like three or four months. Okay. Get it from everybody for three or four months. I didn't know how to do this at all. I didn't even know I was supposed to go to the doctors. I didn't know anything. I had no one taught me anything. So I didn't know what to do. And I just kept her growing inside of me. I didn't go to an OBGYN. I didn't go to anything. I just was pregnant. And they didn't, no one got, I didn't get checked at all, nothing. And I remember I think like three or four months in, I was getting a little bit bigger.

30:28We would go to the grocery store, me and my mom. And like, she'd, I would be craving things. And she kind of looks and she's like, mom's no. So I remember there was one time I like, she was, I was in my room. And this is back when I moved back in with her. And I was in my room. And she came to like, give me a hug. She said something. And then like, I hugged her. I'm a big hugger. She came and gave me a hug. And then she goes, you're getting chunky, like chubby, like, like you're getting a little chubby. And I'm just like, oh, shit. Like, I have to tell her. You got to tell her. And I'm sitting in my room just like constantly.

30:59I'm like, fuck, like, what do I do? So I'm like, mom, she's cooking. I was like, mom, I was like, I have something to tell you. I was like, can you please come to the room? And she's like, she's like, she like walks in my room. And then she sits down on the bed. I'm like, mom, I was like, I did something bad. and my mom is extremely religious um she's muslim so she's extremely religious i was like i did something bad and she's just like did you hurt somebody said no did you do drugs no um did you she's like just was listening things like did you do this i'm like no and she goes are you pregnant and i just start crying and she sat there and she looks at me she goes don't sin twice and that's when I knew I was going to keep my daughter and yeah that's that's the story of how I told my mom wow okay how did you decide to end that relationship on off again toxic while you're pregnant then you have your daughter like when did you end it and how did you end it with him so we were together we moved in together after having her and then I think like less than a year I'm not pretty sure how exactly how long it was after we moved in together but I remember we there was a lot of things that bothered me in the relationships like when my daughter was an infant like first born um you know I was breastfeeding at the time and yeah I was a stay-at-home mother but I was with her 24 7 never sleeping and you if I got up she would cry and cry and it's it's the point where when your kid has like colic you just don't want to hear crying anymore like it's like it's like you don't want her to cry so you will sit there and not eat so she doesn't cry you'll sit there and not shower for days so she doesn't cry your daughter had colic and can you just just really make sure everyone understands what that is just in case they don't know so it's like when kids like they cry for no really apparent reason um like you can do anything and they will not stop crying and you know some some mothers go crazy with it like i had to keep my cool the whole time i would just cry because I couldn't do anything.

33:06And like one time my mom, she was just like, just sit her in the room, walk out for five minutes. She can cry, just come back and just like collect herself a little bit. And like when she would cry in the middle of the night, like I understand he was in the military and he worked a lot, but it's like, you know, this is a team effort. And, you know, being a mom is a full-time job. Like you're with her 24-7. And like in the middle of the night, we were supposed to do shifts like if if like I had to change a diaper then it was his turn that was my turn sometimes he would do it but a lot of the time it would be like like hey like I would wake up to her crying I'm like hey can you can you come on like can you help me can you help me and he was just like you do it you do it and so I would get up and go do it and you know in times like when he would come home it was like oh let me shower first then I'll make you something to eat oh can I play this video game real quick and then I can make you something to eat and or like I'll be like can you take her so I can do this hold on let me shower um and my he was a great dad still he still did good things like he still spent time with her he still was fun with her and stuff like that but I think a lot of the hardships were on me and you know that's also why like on the show like the baby thing that triggered the fuck out of me let's get to that because we're in his love island I want to go through that but so you ended up just realizing this person it just wasn't going to work romantically it wasn't going to work romantically there was a point where you know he wasn't very good with his finances and I was just kind of like realizing what I really wanted in a man because I was getting older I was getting less naive but yeah so then during that time like he wasn't really good with his finances and we were always late on bills late on everything I would do instacart with my daughter which is dangerous I would do instacart with her and bring her with me to do that because we were so broke and I would give him all the money that I would make from that and we were still late on rent and I remember there's a time where he was like leaving for I think training or deployment or something and we had like 30 days less than 30 days actually to move out and we had to get it find a new place I have never found a place before I had never done anything like that before nothing was packed everything was I had to do everything and I pack everything I'm getting I'm trying to get like some of his friends to help me like I hired people to help me move like I was doing everything by myself I was losing my mind trying to find a place like losing my mind and I finally found one like literally like two or three days before I had to move out and I moved everything in I put his stuff in the storage room I left it there I told him I said listen when you get back like you have two weeks and that's it because I'm what kind of man leaves you with all of that a boy so I I wanted better for myself yeah I knew my potential as a woman I knew my potential in life and I knew what I wanted to do with my life and what I wanted in life and I wasn't going to settle nor should you ever but I get I can only imagine like the complexity of having a child but it seems like in a beautiful way you finally hit that point where you just started to choose yourself and it was probably the best decision you could have made but it's so fucking hard to leave it was hard to leave I remember I would cry every day every single day it's easier to stay sometimes i would cry every day by myself um i would he wouldn't he wouldn't know i was crying every day but i would cry every day and i i would say i'd like i hate my life i don't want this like i don't want to be with him like i was losing my mind i was trying to figure out how i could leave and what i could do to leave i didn't know what to do like we weren't even kissing anymore and and when this ended around how old were you 22 21 21 21-ish.

36:5021? Yeah, about 21. Okay, so now you're 24, right? Almost 21, I think. Okay, so now you're 24. And you have all of this going on in your life. And then fast forward, this little show comes along called Love Island. And you decide to go on reality TV.

37:28tell me how the fuck that came to me because i'm literally like holy shit dude like just curveball just i'll pause for a minute hearing the beginning half of your fucking life dude and then to where you're sitting right now i know we have a lot of shit to go through i know we have so much to talk about of what the way the internet feels about how you act and all these things but like this is the shit of why I love doing my job because it's like we know none of this we've known none of this we didn't know about your childhood and I understand love island's not the platform to like be talking about this kind of shit but when we're judging so intensely someone on reality tv there's 19 million more chapters that we weren't privy to and so I appreciate you even opening up a little bit today because I know there's so much more to these stories and we're getting a preview but thank you for sharing because it does give a lot of insight into now what we are about to talk about thank you for asking of course like okay love island how how did this come to be so I always wanted to do the show I was always a dream of mine to do the show um I just never knew if I was going to I remember like when I would go sometimes I would go on like tiktok live with like at the time, because I was doing social, like gym content a lot of times.

38:46So I would go on, you know, live sometimes and just talk about gym stuff. And like everyone kept saying, like, cause sometimes I would say stories like about my dating life, cause it's fun, like to talk about it. And I would tell people about my dating life, but everyone's like, you should go on Love Island. I could so see you on Love Island. You should do Love Island. Everyone's pushing me for it. Like you should do Love Island. I was like, okay, I met this guy. That's how it all starts. I met this guy and he knew that I wanted to do Love Island. and it ended up being just like a really toxic thing where it was like he was not at all who I thought he was.

39:16That ended, he ended up trying to like rub in my face so they reached out to him and because he knew I wanted to do it and I was like, huh, he might do it. Why the fuck can't I do it? Because he told me it was dumb. So I was like, why the fuck can't I do it? You're rubbing it in my face. I said, fuck it, I'll apply. I apply traditionally. I applied traditionally and I said, you know what, I'm going to do it. And I did. And then I think like a month later or something I had gone reach out to. Not even sorry. I got reached out to shortly after that. But about a month later, I had my interview, did that months later, another interview.

39:55Then I think it was like the final point where I met the producers. Since then, every week, like multiple interviews a week, multiple things I had to do. Then I remember I flew to Fiji and I manifested this shit, bitch. I'm just like positive. I'm always trying to stay positive even though regardless of how negative that situation like I was staying positive and I was like I'm going to have this I would speak it into existence like I this is going to be my reality I'm going to have this this is what I'm going to do and I was like I kept I was like I'm going to be an OG I'm going to be an OG I kept telling myself that I was like I'm going to be an OG and I remember I came to Fiji they flew me out and you know I had done all the interviews and whatnot and like all the filming prep work and whatever and they're like this doesn't guarantee you're on the show still I'm like okay I'm like I have anxiety I'm just I just wanna know.

40:39I like to know things before they happen. And I'm sitting there and then I get told, we want you in the first lining, like the first lineup. I was just like, my jaw on the floor, on the fucking floor, bitch. That shit was, flies were flying in the hoe. And I was like, holy shit, my manifestations are coming true. And I get on the show, doing the whole thing. I think I had a lot of luck on that show in terms of how long I stayed. And I think that whole show is really luck. A lot of it is luck. America's voting, luck. Like it's luck. How they perceive you, luck. Okay. Well, we're gonna go back to the fucking beginning.

41:23Let's go. Because I didn't watch all these episodes for nothing, bitch. Come on, pretty butt. You didn't live it for nothing. Let's do it, boom, chicka boom. Okay. Day one, couple up with Jeremiah. Yeah. What was your first impression of this man? um so okay so when we first saw each other I remember I thought everyone was really attractive um when he came in he like I could just you know when you can just tell when a guy really likes you the way they look at you yes I remember I was like I went to go hug him and like I tripped backwards and he like pulled me in and I like stuck with me and I was like hmm it's like a movie I was like love it um you know my childhood dreams are coming true uh I remember in that point and then you know we you know kiss in the heart thing and you know he kissed the girl on the cheek and I was like, hmm, like, why would I not do that for me?

42:08Do you know what I'm saying? I'm like, I'm like, okay, period. Like, we love that. Everyone's like, do you not think there's a red flag? I'm like, damn, like, is that a red flag? I'm like, fuck, like, am I tripping here? Because I'm so used to getting love bombed. At that point when everyone's like pointing out to me, they're like, do you not think that's a red flag? And I'm sitting there in Beachbody, I'm just like, am I being love bombed? Like, is this not real? I'm like, is like, is this like, am I tripping? How would you describe your guys dynamic in the first 24 hours, that first 24 hours off the rip?

42:35me and Jeremiah yes oh lovey-dovey as fuck like he was so into me I was so into him like even on chill days like we would always like blow kisses from across the room like we would look at each and be like and like we would get y 'all to be like stop interacting with each other like we would do all those little hearts to each other like blow kisses like we would sneak in the hallway to kiss each other and like we would get in trouble like we would do those things all the time like we would kiss each other all over each other's faces and whatnot it's very physical so you intentionally decided that you wanted to wait to tell jeremiah about your daughter why was waiting important to you so i felt like in the dating world in the real world i think that people don't really see me as a person and like get to know me fully i think immediately it's like mom and you're just like oh she's a mom she's a mom she's a mom i'm more than just a mom like i'm huda you know i'm saying like there's more to me than just that and i was taking this opportunity is a way for people to get to know me first to decide if they liked me and then go from there there's people that have mom fetishes and shit all the time like do you know i'm saying like i'm trying to let them get to know me first and i said this on the show i don't know if it was ever shown i haven't watched it back but like i said all of these things one of the things that people online have kind of accused you of being slightly manipulative by hiding that part of your life from jeremiah did you feel like you were leading him on and kind of setting up to him up to fail by keeping this from him um not necessarily whatever we would have conversations and stuff and i felt like he was liking me more and more and more as a person i was like okay i i can tell he really likes me so i think this is the right time to tell him i was terrified to tell him why because i was because i really liked him i was so scared like i was i was like what is he gonna do like i I hope he reacts well.

44:24You know, I didn't want him to freak out to be continued. But like, you know, I was just, but yeah, so I was just like, okay, I want it to be the right time to tell him. And, you know, I did bring it to his attention and we talked about it. I freaking stuttered a lot of the time I said, because I was so nervous. Like, I was so scared to tell him. And yeah, I told him, he told me, he was like, he's like, honestly, I find it more attractive than your mom. did i fully believe him no um but i told him i made sure to mention him i was like listen if i like i'm telling you this but you do not have to stay with me i made it very close like you do not have to be with me it is okay for you not to not want to be with me um like i just wanted to bring this attention like if you want to go explore like by all means just let me know because i really like you and you know clearly like we both really like each other but if this is a deal breaker for you just let me know he's like reassuring me like no like I was just more attracted to me than your mom like blah blah blah I'm like okay cool and you know I'm letting him know like you can leave if you want to and there's times where I brought that up to him when I could tell he was kind of switching his the way he would treat me and after I told him and he would just he would get defensively like I can make my own decisions I know what I want to like I can do that.

45:43A huge debate on the internet is whether Jeremiah was the victim of Hurricane Huda or if you were the victim of Jeremiah's love bombing. Just if you had to give your immediate reaction, what is your answer? I think that we both had faults in the relationship. Like, I don't think anyone should fully take blame for anything, in all honesty. Jealousy was a theme throughout you and Jeremiah's relationship. In the second episode, he was convinced that you got up to kiss someone during the blindfold challenge and he was like convinced he kept asking you and asking you and you were like I swear to you I didn't you he made you pinky promise the whole thing what red flags if any did that raise for you or did that not freak you out you know it's so weird I think I'm I'm such I'm such a person where it's like I love giving reassurance and I love making sure people are okay and in that moment I was like oh my god like like are you okay like are you good like are you are you okay like I didn't I don't want you to feel you know like I'm gonna do something to you like are you like I promise I'm not gonna hurt you like and I would just I just wanted to make sure he was okay like take care of him in that moment do you see though that it's day two and you guys already having that level where it's like you're not closed off and you having to reassure him we moved so fast like that's fast yeah we moved fast okay we did you spoke about how you like when guys are obsessed with you how do you tell the difference between when that is healthy and then when that can lead to being problematic i think that especially on the show i think i've learned a lot more about how to differentiate the two um but i think there's a point of like obsession where it's like i've had moments in the past where like people are like should i should i should i move to to north carolina should i stay should i stay here and not move to another city like should i and you know past me might have been like oh my god he It likes me a lot, like wow.

47:35And then another part would be like, that's really crazy. That's insane, don't do that. When I say being obsessed with me, it's more so like, okay, I like a man who wants to hug me and physical affection and stuff like that. I like a man who's like, no, I wanna make sure I'm taking her to do this and I wanna make this little cute thing that's thoughtful for her and I wanna do this for her. I want her to be happy and I wanna show that I really like her. now looking back in those very early days what red flags do you think you missed from jeremiah damn i gotta rule it back shit there's so much that has happened in that villa it's like i know i mean honestly the whole thing was the you told me the kissing thing yeah the people brought that to my attention like that is a red flag um you know just like from what i've seen is like when i'm having conversations with other people that he's looking over to like see things like that you know when for example before pepe walked in he was like i'm not gonna be intimidated unless he's like a 6-3 like buff guy like i'm not gonna be intimidated at all then pepe walks in and now it's like a when he found out pepe didn't really like me that's why he befriended pepe and to make sure like that's what the guys would do they would befriend each other so hard i never had a shot like it was not fair like at all and now it's bro code and i clocked all this shit there's so much stuff that I clocked that proved me right when I saw like little edits and shit I was like oh my god I wasn't crazy like I wasn't losing my mind here girl when the whole Irish thing happened I think I was working out with Pepe and Hannah and like at this time I wasn't with Jeremiah I wasn't with him I remember he was in the kitchen and I could just feel this man staring like I see him staring because Pepe was like helping me with my weights and stuff and I could see this man staring from the kitchen like I'm just like I know he's looking at me right now he does that yeah he would do that okay whenever a new bombshell came into the villa and wanted to explore with jeremiah you had pretty intense reactions yeah even though you guys weren't technically closed off yep why were you getting so territorial i think because i was scared because of everyone doubting us in general and it made me wonder like okay what is he saying and i'm like should I be more possessive this man like should I mark my territory here and you know I was like because he told me like you know we're yeah we're technically exploring the people but like you're the only person I want like da da da and I'm like okay let me make it clear that like we only want each other but like we're still open to exploring other people that's interesting okay because so basically you're trying to say you were feeling like other people were questioning you guys so So much throughout the villa.

50:13So you wanted to lean in more to prove like, no, look, we're good and we like each other. And you're almost like putting up a bigger facade. Not that it's fake, but it's like, let's play it up a little bit. So they really believe us because we do like each other. Yeah. I mean, there was even times where I don't know if any of this was shown. Like, for example, like me and Amaya, we're Bessie's now. But like back then, I thought because I heard that the bombshells watch before they come in. I thought that she knew me and Jeremiah were so like lovey dovey. and she she did that on purpose to piss me off so at that time i had thought that she did that to piss me off so i'm sitting here like this bitch like fuck this girl like she she knew that me and her were like all lovey-lovey like how are you gonna fuck with somebody who like you know that is like super close with their person like you're weird as fuck for that and that's what i thought and until after she told me i was like okay but then i knew she still want to explore him and then at the time i was just like this is just weird like i just knew this first bombshell do you think though huda that now looking back when i'm sure sorry it's like a rack but now looking back at that amaya moment like let's use that as an example you going and being pissed at amaya even if she had watched that's her job as a bombshell and that's what i had you know what i mean i had to learn that like it was this new this is not the real world like this is very different you have to adjust to this shit do you now see how people on the internet could be upset with you being like that is like fucked that you're going at a Maya it's not a Maya's fault no did they did they show that anything I think saying like oh what no anything I'm saying like okay oh I didn't know that you didn't know blah blah blah I don't think we saw that weird um okay at one point I'm so sorry can I point on something on that last thing yes so I was gonna say also So at this time as well, that's when all the boys were like pushing Jeremiah, like, go explore, go explore, go explore.

52:05Like, like, like, do you know what I'm saying? And it made me just be like, damn, like all these boys are encouraging this man to to do this. And it's like, damn, you're trying to you're encouraging him to like leave me basically because none of the guys like liked me. Really? Pause. Why? Bitch.

52:23So beats me like I don't fucking know. And there might be things that I haven't seen that I got to go look at. but you know a lot of the time like I feel as though people didn't want me and Jeremiah to be together why if you had to give your best guess why do you think people were so upset and I get as it got on and it got toxic fine people were like this is fucking up the village but the very very beginning they did not want this why do you think if you can come up with your best guess they have their own narrative on like what to do in love island and like yes you're supposed to explore but if someone wants to lock in let them lock in like if someone wants to explore let them explore like let them do whatever they want it's their own narratives their own life they were very fixated on it it was a big topic in the villa like everybody only talked about me and jeremiah especially ace he was fixated on you and jeremiah so i've heard that is a fucking fact like this man half the time i think most of the time i was looking at tweets people were like can this man give shelly half the energy in the beginning days that he's giving huda and jeremiah like bro get in your own relationship stop getting in theirs even if it's toxic even it's whatever like let them do their thing before this seeped into affecting the whole villa I'm talking about we're not there yet but um at one point ace literally questioned what happened to you in your past that made you move so quickly in your dating life looking back do you think his concerns were valid or do you think he was crossing the line I think his concerns were valid I think that you know he has a right to ask me these things um which is fine and like honestly I respect people who talk and ask me things like I would rather someone have that conversation with me rather than assume that's something that would happen a lot in the villa no one would sit down and ask me hey why is it that you do these type of things and I respect people that do that in all honesty I really do can you confirm was there ever any sexual tension between you and ace yeah one point I liked him I definitely did like there was a point where I definitely found him attractive I thought he was really cute I did not I did not kiss him for nothing like yeah have you seen now the screenshots that people have posted confirming that ace used to like a lot of your Instagram photos I've seen before you guys even got to the villa so I've seen I've heard excuses I've seen I that is something where I I can't say it's not, it's beyond me.

54:42That is his own words to be telling. It is beyond me, whether it's AI, whether he blames it on someone else, whether it's whatever, like it's beyond me. So I've heard that he's unliked all of them. Like, I don't, I've heard, I don't, these are a word of ear. Girl, I've only been here for so long. Like I haven't been able to catch one. I'm trying, bitch. Okay, can you clarify for me, how early on were you and Jeremiah intimate? Oh, damn. I don't even know. like honestly i don't remember okay even when people were saying like oh we did shit like it was like you can't fully do shit in there like yeah we had sex but it wasn't like full-on boo-boo like do you know i'm saying what was that noise you just made boo-boo like there's not full like boom chicka boom the basket about like it's it wasn't like full you know but you were like Like you were you were intimate pretty early.

55:38Yeah, we were. How do you think that complicated things if it did? I think that you should definitely from learning from my mistakes, like especially coming out of this. Don't do that. That's all I will say. Like, don't do it like that is a no no. I think that a lot of times when guys end up getting what they want, it changes their character. And you felt that way. I did. um i don't think i spoke on it but i there's things that i felt a lot in the villa that i never spoke on but i clocked why because i didn't really have much people to talk to about it um that's why a lot of time like with psych and stuff like i would ask for so i could talk about it what did you feel about post being intimate with him how was what was the shift like when i would ask him to do like nice things for me because like a lot of the guys in the villa were doing really cute thoughtful things for their girls and couples and they weren't even on the level of like intimacy as we were or anything and like they weren't saying the things that we were saying to each other that's why the love bombing like hey you know you got what you wanted um and yeah it's just i don't know like there was that and i would ask of things and like people were always like huda i saw people were saying like oh she's so needy she's so this she's so that what does it mean i say i'm not your cup of tea don't drink it like the fuck but i think it's um interesting to hear you with especially with love bombing which we'll eventually get to and but you're talking about the phase where you're being lifted up like you're this princess and you're the world and you're his girl and you're all these things and then you basically get physical and you feel discarded and it's kind of like i got what i needed and now i think it's important i'm not saying everything that you went on to do was correct but i do think it's good that we're kind of just like walking through slowly because any woman listening I hope you haven't experienced it but I have so I can sit across from you and say I've been there where there is this horrible feeling when you realize oh my god did he love the chase and then I gave in and I had sex with him and now it's not as enticing to him it's not as interesting and so you being like can you just do little cute things for me you're really just trying to see like I was like damn it's only physical like like I was like fuck yeah you're making me breakfast in the morning but like sometimes it's it's more than just breakfast in the morning and then people are like oh you're well you're not doing something for him I'm not giving wifey shit to man who don't fucking deserve it can you explain pancake gate to me bitch oh can I explain this to you before I do that Yes.

58:17So there was times where like I would express to him what I like I what I wanted from him. And like I would be like, hey, can you do this for me? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. And they would never do it. And it drove me crazy because it was like every single day I'd be like, hey, like, you know, and it's a lot for me to come up to someone and be like, hey, this is what I want because I always get scared. I'm going to push them away. And I would say like, hey, you know, and it's one of our conversations we had early on is like I have a hard time asking for things.

58:47and yes I've done it a lot in the show but it's like it's because I'm getting out of my fucking comfort zone I'm trying to ask for things and I'm trying to be communicative and like speak about what I'm feeling because the whole point how are you feeling like all the time and so I brought things up to him and he would say he was going to do oh yeah I have this and I have this and I have this plan I'm gonna do this this and this for you I'm like okay yay I'm sitting there waiting like for the day. nothing i'm like that would drive any girl crazy without a doubt my question though back to you is do you think that you reciprocate the same standards that you hold your partner with me like and they are showing me days on end that they truly give a fuck about me getting to know me about showing me that they like me more than just words but through actions then i'm the type of person like girl with my ex he switched his career every two seconds every single time he'd be like oh i want to decorate shoes i said okay cool bottom everything for it oh i want to go run track i was at the field with him oh i want to do this i would do xyz with him all like i'm such a supportive partner.

59:52I love uplifting and motivating whoever I'm with. That is my big thing. I think that you can do anything you want and you set your mind to. And I feel like every man needs that. They need a woman who's their cheerleader. And that's who I am in a relationship. Like that's what I do. I love taking care of somebody. I'm a mom. Like I love taking care of somebody, making someone feel okay. I like, like when I, when I have, like, am I actually like with somebody? I love cooking for them. I love cleaning, doing their laundry, massages. I love doing all of those things for my partner and in past relationships I'm 100 % that girl and I do that what do you think was the actual first crack in you and Jeremiah's relationship oh my god I've had to like deep dive can you remind me of like key points that would happen I mean I definitely think after you guys were intimate I felt you understandably being needier like wanting more validation external from physical and it almost felt like that like pursuer regressor situation where you were going to him being like can you do this can you do this run away and he would run away and then it was almost and i felt that in person and it just makes you want to run more to them like you want to be like hey look can i do this can i do that like am i am i like are you mad at me or like and i i'm always that person like are you mad at me did i do something wrong you know one of the big talks me and him had before we even started anything was we're going to communicate we have to communicate we're going to tell each other everything and he told me i could tell him everything so I did anytime I was feeling something I would tell him and you know I everyone has expectations for their partner like what they want and I think at the time like I was thinking about like what could be and I wasn't thinking about like the reality of it and like seeing it for how it was and at that point it was like too late for me to even explore others because everyone had their mind made up about me they're like oh yeah she's so locked in and she's this and she's that and it's like great so like now I really don't have an option if I wanted to so I'm forced to make this work at one point in the season jeremiah told iris even though that you guys were going through this rough patch he was still focused on you you were his girl he was validating your relationship but you were upset that he had confided in iris why was that something that made you uncomfortable i don't like when people talk about like our business personally i've maybe we have done in the past I'm hypocritical but like I've I mean I don't like it I've learned from my mistakes you know I'm saying like am I gonna do that no like do you know everyone fucks up um but yeah no I just didn't want him to tell that to someone I don't know so I get that you being upset and I think what people got frustrated with you during the seasonhood it was like a lot of times your feelings were valid that's so valid for you be like why are you telling another woman about our issues that like she likes you and you guys have kissed and like what this is messy please don't talk about when he's walking in she's like and stuff like freaking the fuck out about it i'm like you're giving me the ick brother like get the fuck out of my face but see okay huda what i'm saying is your feeling is valid yeah but your reaction a lot of the time you took it too far to the point then where you were basically losing your credibility remember when i told you that there's a lot of things that play into how you react emotionally in there.

1:03:11Is that right? No, it's not right. And it's my first time in an environment like that. Never in my life have I been in an environment like that. Usually I can just have that conversation when I want to or feel the feelings like privately or do, you know what I'm saying? And in terms of like crash outs, for example, bitch, we all fucking crash out. Like everybody crashes the fuck out. and in all honesty if someone says oh you're doing so much i know damn well your ass fucking crashed out in your room alone in 2018 over fucking jacobi like like what the fuck like do you know i'm saying mine was just fucking caught on national television do i think i could handle that a lot better yeah and that's what taking accountability and learning from your mistakes is can you talk to me about this communication breakdown it seems like you and jeremiah got to this point where you guys were always arguing you could not get it right Like we hit this one point in the season where it was like, holy fucking shit, they actually can't have one civilized conversation.

1:04:10When you would talk about things, why do you think the communication was breaking down so heavily? So I think that at a point I was scared that things weren't going to work. And I like at one point I knew that I had no other options in there, first of all. And that I mean, I'm partially my fault. like do you know what I'm saying like it's not like it's not like I didn't prevent that from happening and you know and that's the thing I like I made mistakes in there and I've I've had to learn throughout the season that hey you shouldn't do that um but there was little things I built up where it was like okay you know I'm asking you like hey can you just do you want to play ping pong with me like I really want to play ping pong and you don't play with me but you pull Iris and play with her you've never pulled me the entire season to play ping pong It's like little things that like mean something to me.

1:05:03And people say, oh, you're so nitpicky. You're so this. You're so that. OK, there's things that I like in a relationship. There's things I want in a relationship. The right man is going to do all of those things. When the shocking recoupling happening where America split you and Jeremiah up, going into that night, like what were your feelings about your relationship? And then how did you feel when you found out that you guys got split up? At that point, I think I felt fine in the relationship. um i can't remember vividly exactly what happened i would have to watch it back like i really don't i just remember that i felt fine um because i was like oh you know couples argue like we can work on things blah blah you know i'm saying like i was like i'm willing to work through this and yada yada yada and then when it happened i was like what i was so confused i was like america fucking hates me i was having a full-blown panic attack full-blown panic attack off camera like full-blown they're sitting there with me like okay like calm down like you're gonna be okay i'm like i failed as a mother i fucked up like i'm like america fucking hates me like my daughter's gonna come back and her mom's gonna be the worst the most hated person in the world and i was like now she has to live with that like i'm oh i'm gonna cry again because it's like i'm reliving it but sorry I didn't want to talk about my daughter I cried um but you know so I just I was like I failed at that point I was like I failed um and it was a terrible feeling I'm so thankful that's why I say luck is a big thing I'm just so thankful that I had an opportunity to redeem myself not once but twice first time did i do that to the full extent no because i was convinced maybe i can make things work still and i knew that for example pepe didn't want it for me because you know i mean jeremiah was so locked in and with jalen jalen wasn't my type and he's a sweet guy but like he wasn't my type and they always say you know explore people that aren't your type and there I knew what my type was and that's what I wanted um but yeah I was convinced that I could maybe make things work and fix things I came to the point it wasn't then I got saved again but even that moment Huda again all we see is you're on the chopping chopping block you almost go home he recouples with Iris and you go up to the makeup room and you are hysterical you're sobbing you're so emotional so you want to know why I don't know if they didn't show this part but this is a big big big part and this is why this is the literal reason why I was sobbing so much up there I am there for Jeremiah 24 7 always checking on him when he's arguing with the boys and he's sad and whatever I'm there for him like hey like it's okay you're gonna be okay when in that moment I'm hysterically crying Taylor is sitting there comforting me the whole time when we're off camera he's comforting me Taylor's scared as fuck but he's comforting me okay same goes when when taylor was in there and i'm purposely saying out loud hey taylor do you want to help me with my coffee like trying to see hey is jeremiah gonna see that jeremiah's standing right there i'm trying to see if he's gonna step up and be like no like you're not making my girl coffee you know i'm saying like i wanted that from him to show him like show me hey i like i i i'm i want to do these things for you ask me hey would you like a coffee like you You know, something like that.

1:08:35And in that moment after the chopping block, I was hysterically crying because of how much I, like, I felt like I failed. I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying. Charlie goes home.

1:08:49Jeremiah does not check on me once. We saw that. You did? Like, he didn't check on me at all. I'm always checking on this man. He never checked on me. The one time I really needed him, he was not there for me. that was a rough watch because you were saying like my husband would never like what kind of man is that like where is he and he's more focused on himself at that time and there's so many times where like i was still there for him regardless of what was going on like i was always there and i always made sure he was okay look at the milk challenge i still i was i remember i and i sat there for a minute they only showed a quick clip but i sat there for a minute like i'm so sorry i grabbed his face like i'm so sorry like i rubbed his face like that we were sitting on the bleachers and we were both getting milked on he's looking at me while I'm crying like checking on me and like he rubs my leg and it's making sure I'm okay and I rub his arm like we were still checking on each other all these times like and in that moment after the chopping block and I realized he was never there for me it just it made me hysterical because I was like this man doesn't care once this all went down you guys are no longer in a couple we saw things really shift and I think this is really when people deemed this as like the crash out era where you're no longer in a couple things are shifting you're kind of starting to spiral because you're losing him were you aware of how unhealthy things were getting between the two of you in the villa yeah like you felt it I did did it feel like it had gotten bigger than you like or were you just trying to save the relate like what were you trying to do in that moment you think can you reiterate the moment like you i'm so sorry i know i got it let me just read it to you right here i have a perfect example um the internet was extremely upset when you called jeremiah a pussy ass bitch right and then there's also the other side of the internet who are like damn if that's what you guys consider bad you would fucking hate to see me on love island regardless how the internet feels about it there was a lot of name calling and all the things like what pushed you over to the edge to start kind of like using a little bit more profanity so at that point i just felt like he kept winning it really upset me because like it just felt like the stars were just aligning for him and everything was fucked for me that whole time i wasn't talking about twice this man doesn't check on me then he's on a date and i'm crying by myself like then he comes back happy as can fucking be enjoying his day still doesn't give a fuck like it's just like damn all that shit you said to me where is that and i'm just sitting i'm just like damn i'm stupid as fuck for sticking around like and just giving this man my all like i'm dumb for that because even in that moment even after everything he did i was still checking on this man like and i shouldn't have done that i should have never done that and you know like people are saying oh like it's so bad that you called him a pussy ass bitch be so for real you know how many people call him man pussy ass bitch me right my ex-boyfriend if you're watching my bitch he is a fucking pussy ass bitch no but like mine was recorded like i should be like when you're texting with your friends and your man just fucking did shit like that to you or something you can text your friends and be like fuck that man you fucking piece of shit loser ass little bitch boy yeah i will fucking ruin your let's hold on pause let's calm down i'm weak as fuck i'm getting triggered she's like hold on and also and now that's a ribbon like they're like we literally go back like the trauma like that one no but it's real it's like why are you being held to the standard again i'm not condoning it but i'm also it's not the best way to do things no but it's also it's like is it a crash out and i think again this is a big conversation if this was a man versus a woman it's like when you see a crash we have seen men on reality tv punch a fucking hole through a wall we have seen them flip furniture we have seen them throw things at people we have seen people literally talk about i will fucking kill you blah blah i'm not saying it wasn't a lot when you did it in the moment i think because you were the only one at that level it also kind of exacerbated you and there was a spotlight and you're walking through and you're walking from the fire pit to the back and you're fucking that i will give you it was i would have done that you were like listening in on the conversation i did that a lot in this season because i'm sitting here and i'm just like i might as well do it by myself because i don't know who the fuck's gonna tell me in here so i'm sitting here i'm just like because mind you i'm hard of hearing so i'm like trying to listen in and see if i can hear it i'm like i hope i'm getting this right

1:13:39there's obviously a lot of focus on you and like but obviously there were two people in this dynamic do you think jeremiah has taken any accountability for what he caused within this relationship not that i've seen i haven't seen really much every time someone says something i feel like he's always like anytime like i saw that interview with kai sanat kai was saying that i was crazy or something and then Jeremiah's doing like like do I think anyone should be getting hate no I'm gonna say it like it is and say exactly what happened and be honest um what another person what another individual does is beyond me but I'm not gonna stay here and laugh and be like if someone's hating on him I'm gonna be like ha like I'm not doing that do you think you're being held to the same standard as jeremiah in the accountability around the toxicity of this relationship what i will say is he got out of the villa before i did he had a chance to write his own name before i did he got a pretty face like he's sitting here and he's just like i'm so charming and i'm like and it's just like okay cool um you are painting your own narrative that's fine you're saying whatever you want to say that's fine um but i'm gonna say how it really fucking is.

1:14:55I'm going to say exactly what the fuck happened and exactly what I was feeling because as of until today, no one truly knows what the fuck I was feeling. And no one knows what was going on. There's not not everything was shown. Let's close the chapter on Jeremiah. Give me your synopsis. What the fuck happened? What do you think it was now that you look back? I think that personally, from what I was feeling now, I won't know. But from what I was feeling, I felt like everything was great got intimate things started changing a little bit told him I was a mom things started changing a lot of bit like a lot of things kind of like people were getting in his ear things were changing even more a lot of those things happened I was getting more needy because I was scared that he was feeling indifferent he has every right to feel indifferent even if he felt indifferent about me that's fine but like talk to me about it and you're telling me every second that we're fine you're good you're fine we're good we're good and then your actions are showing otherwise it's like okay i'm going to be upset about that i'm not gonna be like that's fine like especially if we're supposed to be working on our relationship do you think you were love bombed yeah plain simple i think i was in all complete honesty i know that he feels indifferent i don't think he fully understands the capacity of love he thinks that love bombing is just gifts and shit I'm pretty sure I think that's what I heard um I'm just like that's not it that's not all of it looking at me all the time and being like I love I'm just kidding and mind you the beginning of the season take take it take it from me around all my friends I'm around my daughter 24 7 I'm always saying okay love you bye love you love you love you bye because I say I love you to everybody life's too short you know life is too short to not say I love you and I forgot like I hadn't been dating like that at all like it had been since like what like October or something like i i literally was not in the dating world at all i'm so used to saying okay i love you bye love you bye even when any of like the people and staff and whatever were like doing things with me beforehand like in the hotel and twitter like people i would always say okay love you bye love you bye because the type of person i am a very lovey dovey person and i had to catch myself a few times because i was i kept saying okay love you bye like to jeremiah i remember that moment there was like one moment where you saw you say like love you bye and you're like oh wait no yeah i think i did a couple times like i i was and i had to train myself like oh don't do that because i didn't mean to it was not intentional um but he would look at me be like i love just kidding i like you like he would do that to me a lot i don't know if any of that would show me he would do it so much especially in bed like he would do that all yeah we never saw that in bed all the time all the time how could you not fall for somebody how could you not feel like do you know what I'm saying and it's like when he's saying love bombing his gifts and whatever from what I was hearing on social media I don't know if he said more but that's what I heard and yeah it's just like and I seen him doing those things just like okay love bombing is not just gifts and shit it's a lot more to it than that being super physical with me all the time lovey-dovey really fast right away kissing a girl on the cheek like those things like it's just like okay how did you feel when he got kicked off the island i cried i hate seeing people upset i hate it i'm a big empath like my friend's crying over something i'm i'm usually crying with her like a lot of times especially if i relate and you know like i have serious concern for a lot of people's feelings and when he got done for the island i was like like damn like i it's not that's not what i wanted it's like i'm sitting here i'm like fuck yeah i got dumped off the island like i'm sitting here i'm like damn even though he was doing exactly what he was doing to me to andreina like he did the exact like literally verbatim like the exact same fucking thing like every single thing down to the chill days the whole little from across the room the hoodle from across the room me and taylor clocking this shit from we're just looking at each other like is this really fucking happening again exactly to the it's like he reads a textbook was that hard for you to watch yes oh my god i had to sit there and i'm just looking at them doing it from afar and i'm like uh and that's when i started getting the ick i was like you're what is wrong with you i'm like like you're sitting here and you're just like from across to him with the same the same exact things he would do with me and it's just like okay now i get it he is a love bomber but i made sure not to speak to them about we each other i never did i wanted them to have their own ideas of each other and create their own okay so i think we can close the jeremiah chapter yeah that man does not deserve to have his name in my mouth we're done amen let's talk about casa amor bitch casa amor tonight tonight oh my god he was saying my name huda he was that and chris i'm like okay you're like say it again that's my name um okay going into casa did it feel like a fresh start like what were you looking forward to i was hype as fuck that whole time i was sitting in the freaking villa i was like damn when is my man gonna come in here like when is this gonna fucking happen i'm sitting here having me time 24 fucking seven like i know tj don't want my ass like bitch i knew exactly who he wanted like i'm doing my best here i'm like trying my best thank you for like the the practice you took it like a champ yeah i was like options are coming i'm fine like it's not the end of the world like you know i'm saying i'm not your cup of tea that's fine like it's okay so were you nervous at all because i know the casa boys maybe got to see like a couple clips or whatever the amount was that they got to watch of the actual season were you nervous of how they were going to perceive you because of your situation with jeremiah yeah i was sitting here i was just like okay great so they're all gonna think i'm crazy um fabulous i'm walking in here i'm just like and i'm even like i'm thinking in my brain i'm like okay i'm gonna sit here going into this happy as fuck and i know that these guys watch everything is this gonna fuck up every like i'm like damn it the beginning the guys are being buddy buddy can't explore i fucked up my my thing in the beginning by being too close off can't explore this dude doesn't want me can't explore him going into casa and more thinks i'm a crash out great girl you could only go up from there yeah that's a positive way and i think i surprised a lot of the casa boys like i really did the number one thing they all kept telling me he's like huda you're cool as fuck they're like you're actually really fucking cool i'm like what are they doing like what like like why do y 'all all think i'm like terrible going into casa i mean people talked about how they really respected you because you tried to literally explore with everyone and i think a lot of people respected that i'm saying god you connect with chris but so did shelly what was your understanding of how she felt about him so so from the beginning when I first saw him and we were sitting next to each other at the fireplace, at the fire pit.

1:22:14I was always making side jokes. I don't know if any of these are showing on camera, but like I was always making little side jokes. He would laugh at everything I said and humor is so big to me in relationships. Like as I'm goofy as fuck and I need a goofy person. I was a fucking theater kid. Like I'm very goofy, very weird. Like we love that. So I'm sitting there making like little jokes and I have a lot of sarcasm. Like I do a lot of sarcasm. I roast the fuck out of people. i have a guy best friend a girl best friend like and we're all the same way it's like it's just my sense of humor some people they're very sensitive and they can't take that type of humor and that's okay like it's something in the world i just won't make those jokes with you that's fine but like you know i'm sitting here and i'm just having these jokes and doing sarcastic comments and he is eating the shit up and i'm like hell yeah you think i'm funny like fuck yeah because in the villa no one gave a shit about nothing i would say i say something it's i'm just like okay great and i'm in the i'm in casa more oh we love her that she's great i'm like yes like you guys like me i was like thank god i was so isolated i was like you think i'm funny like okay so you you though knew that shelly kind of was interested so i knew she was interested in him okay um obviously she picked him for the kiss when i didn't pick him for the kiss it literally wasn't i'm not interested in you i literally said and bicha i don't know if it was shown but i said to me how i don't know who i want which is true because i want to get to know you learning from my mistakes i want to get to know them that's what i was doing you know what i'm saying so it's like of course i don't know who i want i jd picked me i didn't pick jd that was not my decision at all so can you clarify did you bring Chris back to the villa for you for Shelly or for both of you for both of us I've literally said this so many times explain it again because people still don't get it I've said it so many times I literally said I'm sitting there in the dressing with her I have this great idea Chris likes me I like Chris Chris likes you you like Chris I haven't found a match in here I haven't even explored him because I'm thinking he don't want nobody else because you're making it seem that way but I took a chance last minute I took so crazy how cards play out so crazy take a fucking chance and I go and I bring him for a chat we have a conversation goes well he likes me I like him cool great we're interested in getting to know each other i can get to know somebody cool first time in a minute great so i was like okay i have this great idea let's do this i'll bring chris back you with ace that way you can still explore chris and i can explore chris as well and you can still explore it's like it's a it's a happy i'm sitting here being like we're gonna be great like this is great like we're happy as fuck that all made sense to me so then like and I don't want to be territorial anymore that's the other thing like I'm trying to completely change like I'm trying to be a better person not just like as myself but in relationships I'm trying to be better so what the fuck do you think got lost in translation between you and Shelly beats me like I'm sitting here and this is the thing like I felt like everyone kept talking about me and no one was talking to me no one was asking me so what is it xyz123 like what did you say specifically what this and this and this and i think there's like little relationships and then are a lot stronger than me and other ones and no one gave a fuck about my opinion i would try to talk about things in a lot of scenarios where there's a lot of situations where i would be like hey can i talk to this about you or do you think this and people would dismiss me multiple times in the villa i felt like i had no one like i i was i wanted to talk about things with people and no one would give a fuck and I think that a lot of people were just talking to Shelly and there was things that were said that weren't said and it's just like you're dragging shit and you're making things seem otherwise and that fucks me up now everyone is yanging up on my ass and all you could have done is had a conversation with me okay when you there were so many conversations about like who's being a girl's girl can you from your perspective explain to me how do you balance friendship while competitively trying to pursue love i think that in the villa people would always tell me even when i was with jeremiah they're like everyone's here to explore everyone's gonna explore you're not closed off everyone's gonna explore things are you know you can't take it too seriously blah blah blah no one owns anybody so i'm taking all of these things that people are telling me to try to learn this process and kind of like do it better and i'm carrying that with me and in that that being said i'm getting shitted on for it and everyone had their opinions on us too this is fake they don't really like each other because in the in casa in general like i really kept a lot of things to myself just from me being so expressive about jeremiah in the beginning and how that played out for me it's like i don't want to tell everybody everything like i don't okay i have to ask this is a little bit of a pivot but the moment with amaya in the standing on business challenge why did you not speak up for her i wanted to speak up in that moment i think i was trying to and then everyone kept talking over me and it was a thing where like if i yelled they'd be like hudda be quiet and i'm just like yeah well that was fucking rough um okay you better be fucking honest with me right now come on what really happened between you and ace in this goddamn heart rate challenge oh why is everyone thinking i went too far yes oh okay so you know you know when i was doing the it was like the dominant versus this is a message challenge yes we're like i kind of just go like like to everybody so well not to everybody to jeremiah i did the same thing to all the guys wait okay slow down from like from like dick up like i went like okay wait there is a there's a clip yeah of your gorgeous bodacious ass turning from you forward facing to you uh doing a little spin around ass near face and then it cuts and then we see you guys like getting up and the theory online is that you you put your ass in his face is that true why are you looking at me like that because it's so funny i'm just like that is not like did you ride his face a little bit with no were those ass cheeks a little round no i think that's too far like that's a no-go my butt i think was like on his stomach area like this area right here okay and i was twerking and i got it it was like two seconds too i literally went i went and i got up i'm so dead so there were no cheeks suffocating no the only thing that ever happened was when i accidentally fell on taylor in that fucking woodchuck wood challenge shit like that is the only time taylor's like i fucking love my life right now flew back i was like fuck i literally i'm so sorry i get up i'm looking at jeremiah i'm like fuck like i fucked up i did not mean to do that no i did not put my ass in on whatever the fuck ace's face that did not happen okay more importantly where the fuck did you learn how to shake your ass like that girl i learned even when i had like no booty i learned my friends taught me girl i would be there in the mirror just practicing i would take little videos of myself trying i remember when i started to get a little booty from working out i remember i would literally be like be like oh my god it's moving oh my god it's jiggling like it's it's moving like progress girl that is a fucking skill thank you um okay we got to talk about chris now let's get like a little bit more into the weeds here because motherfucking shit this shit went south um viewers were excited for you to have a connection in the villa and you guys get back and we do quickly kind of see issues start to arise a big issue in you and Chris's relationship was that he felt like you were touchy privately, but not publicly.