I Called Off My Engagement (ft. Lauren)

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy gang. Daddy gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. Lauren and I are sitting. We kind of feel like we look like the parents from Willy Wonka. We are sitting on the couch, but we really wanted to like be comfortable and not have our feet fall asleep on the couch. And so we're in a little bit of a relaxed situation, but we're happy. I could like doze off right here. Like I could take like a nap in this position. I'm really cozy. Okay, wait. Oh, so just for context, Lauren and I are on kind of like a girls weekend in Los Angeles.

0:49Matt is taking his brother to go golf because my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law. No. Yeah, your brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Sister-in-law? Yeah. But does that make it sound like their brother and sister? No, they're both. He's your brother-in-law. She's your sister-in-law. Okay. It is? Yeah. Yeah. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are having a baby. And so Matt is taking his brother to go golf and on like on a little golf trip before they like have a kid, whatever. And so Lauren's in town and we were like, oh my God, why don't we stay relaxed, go have like a nice pool, spa weekend.

1:26Girls weekend. And we're going to drink a little bit. We're going to chill and it's going to be a good time. We're going to order these green margaritas that when it's the two of us we like to order them for delivery and get a little weird together they're just like those kind of sneaky margaritas that like you get really fucked up from them and the last time or the first time we didn't know how strong they were when i moved to los angeles with lauren we were staying at matt's house and he was away on a business trip and lauren and i he was like you guys should order from this place and we got these margaritas and they're so fucking good they're these like cucumber green margaritas so Lauren and I started downing them and we're in the hot tub with floats which was weird in itself and we're in the hot tub and we're with our floaties and slowly we're like blasting music oh we found out how to do the strobe lights in the pool yes and we were DJing and then we like passed out in the living room and like didn't turn the music off didn't turn the pool strobe lights off Matt's neighbor called him and gave him a noise complaint and so Matt looks at his security cameras and it looks like we actually threw a rager at his house and he's like calling you like you guys aren't like really like official official yet he's like calling you and he's like like i just have to say like this is so disrespectful like i let you guys like use my house in my pool like a party and we were like um well you see actually there was no party well it was a party but just two people it was just lauren and i and he's like I'm having a hard time believing that Alex like look at my backyard it looks like there was like a fucking brothel back there and I was like and like the neighbor called and gave me a noise complaint like I've never had that happen since I've lived here and I was like it's just the two of us and so Lauren and I now always have a joke with Matt where we're like we're hitting the green marks again and he's like Jesus fucking Christ the two of you together but to be fair I feel like whenever it's just the two of us together and we're not like interacting with other people we have a pretty like straight and narrow path that we always go on what's our straight and narrow path we love either alcohol or marijuana to like have a little fun together not in that way that sounds weird but you know what i mean like we like our little like thing but then we're like usually passing out pretty early and we're not we're not night people no we thrive in the daytime and we love like a 10 p.m.

3:53bedtime and i feel like the older i'm getting i'm like i can have these like fun rager moments which i feel like i've been having lately but it has to be spread out and a lot of times like i'm gonna go to bed at least by midnight i'm not the type of person just to like stay up for the hell of it like if if there's something worthwhile staying up for like miami we had late nights and it was so fun yeah like after we would be at the party or we would go to the strip club we need to talk about the strip club i just thought about that As I'm staring at your face We would go out But then we would always Come back to me and Matt's room And we would all sit there And like have Like a nightcap And talk and schmooze And do the thing That was enjoyable to me But if it's me and Matt Or it's just me and you I'm like I don't need to ruin my tomorrow No Like we're gonna get We're gonna hit the hay We can still drink a bottle of wine And go to bed And wake up the next day Yep Speaking of the Miami Strip Club Yes Can we tell the Daddy Gang Yes Yes

5:05So we throw our Unwell Miami weekend and it was truly so fun. and Lauren comes and we end up after a night at the Unwell Club. We do a late, late night and we go to 11 in Miami, which is a club slash strip club. So we get to the club and we are we get a table. We are all standing there. And I remember I'm like talking to Matt and he's whispering my ear. And then all of a sudden I look and Lauren is standing with this tall man. and at our table and I know who this man is because he's a reality star and he's been to a couple of our events before but I know my best friend is barely has social media and doesn't watch reality tv and she has no idea who this person is no idea you just think he's like a hot guy yeah and then the next morning I ask Lauren like wait what no we get in the van to leave because we end up leaving because we were like it was too crowded and like none of the strippers could even come to our table which was like I was ready for like a lap dance to throw some bands Yes, I brought fucking a bunch of cash.

6:13I was like ready to fucking pay the strippers. And then they never ended up being able to get to our table. So we were like, this isn't even as much as fun. We leave. We get into the van and tell the daddy gang what happened with your night. So I had before we ended up at 11, I had maybe shared five words with this guy. Like quite literally five words. And when we're standing at the table, it's like really crowded. So like we're just like touching because it's so crowded.

6:44And at this point, we've maybe hit a higher word count of like we've shared a few sentences. OK. Like not much has been happening. Yeah. And maybe sentence number five is he looks at me and holds out all of his money and goes, do you want to go to the back room right now and get a private lap dance, the two of us? and like it's like 2 30 in the morning and like i'm like kind of drunk but i'm not like hammered and so you don't even have i think at that point because we had left the club and hung out for a minute before we went and then it was kind of a mission to get into 11 yeah like i kind of like sobered up a little bit in the process of like getting into 11 yeah so like we none of us had a buzz no we were sober at 11 yes which is fine fine but to get a sober lap dance with a man that you've barely never met.

7:38I've been around the block. Yes. A few times. No, well, I've been to this is like my third time at like 11. So like, I know what goes down in the private rooms in the back. Yes. It would not just be us getting a lap dance. It would be us having a threesome with a stripper. And I was like, you know, at this current intoxication level, I don't really have it in me to go from just like not having a vibe to having a threesome with a stripper but you were just like I'm literally like fresh sober basically I'm like sober and like there's not like a sexual tension yeah like we've had like we're like we're cracking the small talk we're trying to like gauge like Like, what's your name?

8:26What's your occupation? Who are you? Exactly. I remember in real time when this was happening, I turn and I clearly hit you right in that middle of that conversation because all I remember hearing you say is, uh, let me have one more drink and think about it. That was literally your response. And I'm looking at you and I'm looking up at him being like, what did he just ask her for Lauren to be like, let me have one more drink and think about it because you're a down ass bitch. So I was like, what is Lauren postponing in order to like liquor herself up? And then I find out that he basically asked you to go into the private room.

8:58And then we left and he stayed. But for now, Lauren's still on the hunt. I'm just out there living my life. But I feel like you're in a really good headspace of like, you are really, really in a good way single now. Because like how long has it been since your breakup? Like five months now. Okay. Wow. wow something i was saying that i was really proud of myself i was telling you this this morning i went no contact after my breakup which is like anyone i meet who's going through a breakup and they're like what's your best piece of advice truly like go no contact like you have to like i have no better advice than go no contact and like you have to stick by it i have not talked to my ex once in any capacity since october since we broke up and it was like i remember i had said to you i was nervous for you because you guys obviously live together so once the breakup happened you had to like figure out like all the logistics to sort out but then once that happened and the last day that you guys saw each other of like you got to take things from the apartment and all that's like a final like it's very nice like goodbye goodbye i was so proud of you because I was so scared of that.

10:11Like you guys also shared each other's locations and stuff. And I was like, is she gonna, is she gonna? And then I remember I talked to you like a week after and you were like, unshared location, haven't talked, it's over. And the fact that it's gone no contact for five months, I feel like it's really allowed you to focus on yourself and not feel like you're lightly getting pulled back into it. Even if you had any questions that you've been kind of like going through in reflecting on the relationship, I feel like you've been just taking full accountability of like, I don't need to ask him. I'm going to do the work in therapy about like, why did I put up with this?

10:51Or why did I do this? Or why did I act this way? Like whatever it is, you're finding the answers within yourself. And I think a lot of times, daddy gang, we can use questions we have and think well it's just closure I just want to have one more conversation because I want to kind of like figure out why we both did this and it's like that's just prolonging you being able to move on I agree right so talk to me now though about like five months out of a breakup what have you realized about yourself because I don't think the daddy gang knows how close how like serious it was my relationship because I think in a beautiful way I found my boundary of like privacy that I feel like I needed to instill in with this show and and with the internet and I'm so happy I did that and I feel like you with call her daddy in a completely understandable way like he was a private person and you and I aren't that private of people like we don't really care so but the people we've are with and you were with wanted privacy and so like you were respecting that so you didn't really talk about your relationship a lot so I think a lot of people online I even saw still to the say are like wait Lauren broke up with the boyfriend and like so she's single and like what's happening like do you mind explaining how close you were to like this being the person you were about to spend the rest of your life with yeah it was really serious um we dated for almost three years for the last six months of our relationship we were living together and it got to the point where he had a full plan to propose he talked to my mom and her fiance like and had like a dinner with them and told him he was going to propose he talked to me and matt he talked to kristen kristen's our other best friend from childhood like at our what me and matt's wedding he went to kristin and was like oh my gosh i obviously like can't i don't want to bring it up to alex and matt right now because they're literally getting married but i want to propose to lauren um during the like holiday new year time and can you just like make sure you put us all on chat because i want to make sure that they can be there because they want he wanted us to like surprise you like how you guys did for me him and i came to your engagement so it was like very concrete oh like there was a date you knew a date when he was gonna like you knew the date he was going to propose and you guys had talked about the ring right we were going to like do something with like a family like diamond and um you knew like where it was going to be like it was it was planned yes that was happening and I think as your friend I remember when I heard that I was so torn torn yeah that's a good word because I was like fuck that could one day make sense but from the stuff that I had heard from you I wasn't sure you guys were like ready for that but I'm not in your relationship obviously so I was like I need to just like catch up with Lauren and obviously I didn't want to tell you uh he's gonna propose to you can I say yes so like you ended up did like yeah I had we had one of those dinners where you're like you were just like I can tell that like you're holding a lot in right now like can you like just let it all out zero judgment zero judgment you can tell me everything and if you want to stay you can still stay but like I can feel you're not telling me everything and you're just holding a lot in like let it out so we have one of those three-hour dinners where I was just like word vomiting everything everything everything and then after I told you that you were like I am really feeling conflicted right now because like if it does work out like I obviously don't want to like ruin your engagement but like I don't know if you know how close it is to actually happening and I want you to be able to have the tools to feel in control of your life and not have it to sneak up on you and you have and you feel like you're kind of backed into a corner and saying yes because you're like ah shit like how like what we're here oh okay let's go through it so like you you ended up telling me he's gonna propose on this day to kind of be like you kind of do have a window of like yeah you got to figure some things out because i was like lauren that was like one of the harder things i think i've i was going back and forth with and i think again in the best way i feel Like our relationship is so beautiful because I feel like we both talk about we have so many friends that you communicate with friends differently.

15:33But you and I have always had this thing where it's like we're so honest with each other. And I think we both have found our way to be even when it's hard what we're going to talk about. We are so like graceful in the way that we approach things with each other and respectful. very very very much have I feel like a policy of like it is your life and I don't know your life and like it's your life yes and like also as your best friend yeah I have to share this about the things I'm seeing yeah and then I'm once that's out I'm here to game plan everything that you need I'll support you yes whatever yeah and I think that was like a thing that I would give daddy gang is like I forgot that I remember multiple times in that conversation because I had literally talked about it with my therapist and she had said like you have to continue to reassure Lauren I'm so happy you told me okay that makes me feel good no but and I and you were great in the moment and I think I I stand by it too but again daddy gang if you are in this position where you're seeing your friend not in the best relationship and you're like how do I do it you have to come from the place of like you have to remind them that you're not judging them that you will be there no matter what and you're there to listen and but you also have like some information that you want to give them but you're not putting it on them to like now deal with alone and I feel like when I told you it was going to happen over New Year's you were like whoa okay and we really for context like this past New Year's this past New Year's Lauren was going to get engaged and I think you were so um like whoa this is a another big red flag of like how does he think that can even happen when all of these problems are happening and I think that was kind of when it all started to unravel a little bit more for you because you really were just seeing like huh it was kind of like a like a like a like a date that was like being put on like oh I have to like figure this out like it put like this like rush and urgency to like figure my shit out like before I was like I'll keep working on it keep figuring out I was like oh shit like I have to like figure this out now and so once you guys ended the relationship what do you feel like you in now being single like what do you feel like you've now realized like you really want and need in a partner moving forward

18:14in now being single like what do you feel like you've now realized like you really want and need in a partner moving forward i want to feel like they got me and that like i can have like a bad day or go through something difficult and like

18:40they'll pick me up and like kind of like help me get through it and like carry me through it but like when I was talking to my therapist about it she was like oh like do you feel like that's something lacking in your life right now like do you feel like unsupported and unable to like get yourself through hard moments and I was like literally the opposite like I feel I have very deep fulfilling friendships I can lean on if I need to I end my days and I feel strong and confident and like secure and what I need to work through and get through and like that I can handle it and I'm not like overwhelmed and like I'm not lonely which I think I'm really happy that something that I want isn't like a need I'm trying to fill like it's not like a deficit in my life that like I'm trying to like find a person to fulfill it's just like I just like want like partnership you said that to me the other day when we were in the car and I thought it was so profound and I want to keep talking about this a little bit for the daddy because you were like every time my therapist was challenging me like oh are you wanting that because of x like i feel like you've gotten so good being alone and i feel like you've always been a relationship girl so i'm so proud of you right now like i've never really really really seen you just like single lauren like for this long in a strong way where you're like oh i'm a little like oh she'll i wonder what she's gonna do you're like you've never been I feel like happier and you don't have a partner I was joking I was like I've never been happier and I've never been hotter no literally no it's so true you've never been happier you've never been hotter you just turned 30 you're thriving and I feel like something that it's obvious is like for the daddy gang like we have both been at points in our life where we're both single and we aren't that good at being alone and so we're like chasing after something um like tell me if i'm if you're okay with me saying this but i think something that you had talked to me about that was like i think very relatable was like this was the first relationship that you were like i actually felt like i was like this person like genuinely loved me and like i was genuinely in love so it's hard to walk away from that was like I've I had a relationship before but it was like coming it was like a college relationship that became post-college and like that was the first time I was like I was deeply in love like I was in love with this person yes and I remember it was so sad because I remember you saying to me Lauren you were like I just like I feel like I've just like lost so many people in my life that like I love so like I don't want to what do you I would I my innate feeling is to hold on to this person because how am I going to just like oh I would yeah I was so like this is it like I I've never been I had never been in love before and I had never felt that and I was like oh like this is it like this is the feeling that like you fight for and like you go to like the end of like the earth for and like I know that's not the case well now you know once you really have that like first like adult relationship of love I'm not talking about like we've all been in love hopefully before but when you're talking about like love love of like oh I could see a future with this person then you really start to realize which I think I'm so happy I feel like we were able to have a lot of conversations with like me you and Matt because I've learned so much being in my first year of marriage that I felt like you started to kind of like ask Matt and I questions throughout this Matt has a lot of good experiences and advice he does and I feel like his advice a lot was like you there's so much more to a marriage than love yeah like if anything that's like the easiest part of it yes I like I was talking about that in therapy too of like I think I like thought that like love was so hard to like come by and it was so rare but like what is more rare is having that love and then like the compatibility aspect of like yes just like what you want and need out of life is also going to match up because like yes that's the hard part morals values compatibility um what you want as a family what like literally wise like career money yeah socioeconomic uh where you're gonna live yeah how you interact with your in-laws um what you want to how you want to raise your kids like where you want them to go to school all of that is like shit that i think people don't talk Talk about it maybe enough where it's like you have to have these fucking conversations.

23:32I genuinely believe before you get married and before you get engaged. And I think a lot of times it's like people are feeling in love and then they're excited and they're moving in. And then you think once you get married, then like you become you like start to do all this. It's like, no, no, no, daddy, you need to figure it out before. Because I think, again, you watched it with yourself is like you were in love. that was down but then I think you've in you have a lot of friends around you who are going through like whether they just got married or their first year of marriage or their second year of marriage and so you're watching all of us kind of like oh I don't do this dance my like all of my like I have like like say like my like five closest girlfriends like now they are all married and engaged.

24:19Yep. And do you to anyone that is the single friend in a dynamic like that? Like, can you talk about how you don't feel pressured by people just by seeing your friends at one stage of their life? Like, how are you maintaining just like confidence to not feel like, oh, I'm the only one. So I have to hurry up and do it. Like, how are you feeling like you're managing that because I you could I don't know if I'm saying that right like I feel like you're doing such a good job of just being like and I'm so happy for all of you and I'm happy for myself and I'm good on my like what I'm doing um the easy answer and then like I'll give like the deeper answer like I do like I have I have a few like newer friendships that like I've been investing more time into because they are single yeah and I do think it's important to like it's just helpful to like have people who are like oh like everyone's going on a date night tonight like let's do this or like everyone's kind of tired but like I like I don't want to sit home alone like all weekend like let's at least like go out and like get a drink and like be social for like a minute so like I think it is like really helpful to like have single have single friends when you're single and then something else we were talking about recently kind of related to like how am I not feeling pressure and comparison and like left behind when all of my friends are very much in like a different life stage than me like being single like is the minority of like of my close friends right now um because like I truly truly feel like very zen at this current moment and not pressured and not rushed but when I first got out of my relationship like the first this is kind of like a new this zenness is kind of like really within like the past like month and a half ish that's nice to hear because I'm sure girls are like going out of a breakup being like bitch I'm on my fourth month and I'm still struggling yeah it's like a very new like this level of like calmness yeah is like kind of new when i first got out of the relationship i knew for a fact like i absolutely need to be single i need to like reflect on stuff i need to not rush into anything like i need to have me time like i knew that but i didn't feel that right i was like i would be like i need to be single but i like in the back of my mind be like oh fuck like times the clock's kind of ticking like am I dragging my feet I was doing like the numbers game where I was like oh so I'm 30 now if I like take a year to be single I'll start dating someone maybe at 31 I don't want to rush into an engagement so like maybe I'll get engaged at 33 married at 34 am I gonna immediately have a kid then a year into a marriage at 35 and then like I was like oh my god like I'm having a kid at 35 and like so I started playing that game and like that was like kind of like suffocating and like consuming I was so close to like locking in like this timeline that like I was seeing like we were just saying I was like about to get engaged and then I was like okay I'm gonna get engaged at 30 I'm gonna like and I had that kind of like like it was all laid out yeah it was kind of like clicking into like step and it was like although there were things that weren't right and then I wasn't sure about and that were causing me stress kind of seeing my life kind of start to like unfold and like where it was going in front of me was comforting and like the sense of security and safety so like it took a moment to like shed that right because I feel like that's something we should talk about too of like I've done it before a previous relationship prior to Matt like daddy gang we've all been there or you're currently in it where you are you see the path you see the future and it is so comforting knowing you you can see like what your timeline like I was at the point where I was like oh I can look five years ahead and I can see where my life is going and sometimes having the guy it makes you feel like even though I have these reservations I'm okay with looking past it because I can't give all this up I can't give this timeline up like I'm right here I'm like right I'm so close I was like oh I'm on like the last lap like I'm so close to the finish line like you don't throw in the towel like right before you're about to cross the finish line and I remember I said to Lauren when she was like I feel like I was like right about to hit the finish line I was like babe you have not you are literally putting on your fucking outfit in your gear you're not even in the race yet like I know that sounds cheesy but it's so true it's like if you feel like you're just about to get there you're about to get the engagement you're about to it's like no no no you haven't even started the fucking marathon yet you are literally just putting on the clothes to see if they fucking fit does the uniform look good does it fit how does it feel okay then when you start marriage that's when the fucking race begins and i feel like or again even if it's not marriage for certain people whether it's you want to have a kid or whether you decide to be life partners but for you i feel like that's such a relatable feeling to women listening of you don't want to disrupt what you feel like you've spent so much time building and you're willing to potentially look past these problems because holistically it's really starting to shape out.

29:35And the problem is, is what I've always said on this show, you guys, that my mom had always told me from a young age was like anything that bothers you in your relationship will get 10 times worse when you're married.

30:08anything that bothers you in your relationship will get 10 times worse when you're married and that is disorienting and hard to hear because i think you and i had a lot of conversations of like your ex is a good guy like absolutely it's just compatibility wise we started to talk about things where it was like it wasn't the right person for me and we would be like no no lauren like you're saying this and this is how it's making you feel but like which i think was like another hard layer like nothing was like glaring like yeah there was no moment of like oh shit like that was so bad you have to end it it was just like these micro things that you kept you know what it was a lot of too which is people listening you may have this where you're just like am i okay with this yeah am I okay with compromising and when is it not compromising and it's like actually kind of giving up something that's important to me or something I did think I want in life but like is that superficial to want that I think when you really got to the point of knowing is when you were laying it out and speaking to your friends a bunch and it was like you were literally starting to compromise on every single thing in your life and everything and it wasn't even compromise it was just like this isn't the life I saw for myself yeah you would say it but it was like a story you were telling yourself and then when you and this is where daddy gang like finding friends to make sure that who won't judge you but can talk with it because I've been in the scenario too where I would go to Lauren when I was going through a breakup being like I'm so devastated but you kept me on track to be like but that's not what you want I feel like when you went through this we did the same thing where it was like this is hard that you're giving all this up but how about you reframe it and think can you imagine if you went through with it just because it felt like you were so close to the finish line then you marry this guy and you have kids and every problem that you have I was gonna like look up and be like how is this my life wait like I didn't want any of this yeah I don't agree with the way where that we're doing this and this and this and this but I wanted to just get the ring and get the marriage and I think that's a really really understandably relatable thing that women can feel like I remember dating a guy that was so like financially stable at a time where I really wasn't and it became and I think also like growing up and not being like having my parents have like all this money even though being around friends that had it I definitely like wanted that like and so it was attractive to me to have like financial security and so I was completely avoiding a lot of things that upset me or made me feel not good about myself because of this main thing that I thought it's okay I can look past these things because I feel safe with him but it's like but why do you feel safe with him you don't feel like he's actually being like faithful to you it's because of the financial stability and while that is a huge thing when you think about certain aspects that doesn't mean fucking shit if you don't have an actual good relationship money is fucking great but it's not fucking great if you're getting cheated on or you're getting fucking emotionally abused or whatever it be so i think a huge lesson for the daddy gang that we can take from what you're talking about is like you felt in your gut compatibility wise you were off in moments but you kept going forward because you really also didn't want to give up the good parts yeah that that there was love there that it was all kind of falling into place and like making sense and like I remember saying like in one of my like therapies I was having before like ending the relationship I was like I feel like I'm about to blow up my life and she was like you are but like that's one portion of your life like you still have all of your friendships you still have your career you're still gonna be you that's what's I think so crazy I remember that because we talked about that after that session you had it was like yeah I guess you could say you're blowing up your life not really you're just ending something that was going to bring you in one direction but it's a portion and everything else is going to stay the same I remember saying that you remember I was like yeah you're going to go to work on Monday then you're going to go to drinks with your friends that night like everything is kind of the same but then a huge chunk will be missing and so it's really really terrifying as women because we don't have the flexibility like men do to just keep it fucking moving oh that didn't that one didn't work out I can go over here like they just they have a different level of privilege and while that is true I really truly believe that like staying in something just to appease one other aspect of your life that you're looking for is really going to come and bite you in the ass um so I also think being easier on yourselves if things aren't working daddy gang recognizing that sometimes neither of you are bad people it's just it quite literally is like your traumas and your strong suits and your issues and your things that you bring to the table that are good and bad sometimes they just don't fucking work with someone and and instead of trying so hard to force it while yes a relationship is work at some point you have to look at yourself and i genuinely believe for you lauren like i'm so happy that you lived with him i'm so happy that you went all the way to the point of seeing yourself in a dress with a ring all of it because now we talk about this a lot of like I can't wait to see the person that you meet next because you are a better person because of that past relationship oh like thank god you met him and like there's things that oh my therapist used to say every person you date gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to marry and like there's things that I would have no idea that I did not like and that I definitely need yeah and that like trigger me and I feel like I just like know myself a lot more now and so technically though think about this daddy gang if we're doing the fucking math although maybe you would be engaged right now and planning a wedding we have talked about like now knowing how much there was breaking down there's a chance either one you would have been in a really pretty unfulfilling unhappy marriage which could have ended in divorce now you're still so much closer though to just pure happiness of finding your person and I think that should hold a lot of hope in a lot of people's minds if you're about to end something or this episode is helping you think about reevaluating do you want to take that next step well yes the next step seems super straightforward and easy if you're not a hundred percent in knowing that's the right next step you're then gonna have to take a lot of back steps once you go forward because it's gonna be like well fuck this isn't working don't force something that's not there everyone's timelines well yes it can be straightforward a lot of times with timelines they're just gonna like fuck you into making like more rushed decisions where it's like if you didn't have this in your head and if we didn't have a time clock like would you make that decision I think that has been like the timeline and the time clock and the biological clock and children has been and like really sitting and thinking like about that aspect has been one of the things the most freeing aspects for me of like I truly feel like so I've never felt more zen or peaceful in my entire life and calm and like not rushed and like like awake and confident and like sure and I think it's because I've been having really honest conversations with myself about what was really fueling that like urgency and that rush and that countdown and it's children and motherhood and I if you would have asked me six months ago a year ago my whole life I would have been like no doubt I'm having children like no question I'm having children and I don't feel that way anymore and it's a little surprising but not sad if anything almost freeing because I think I was really just operating from that place of it's just a what you do like oh yeah like I'm gonna have children like duh like I have to like but like when I like really think about it I'm like loving this time period of like feeling like I am the main focus in my life like truly just me and like what do I want and what makes me happy and like everything is revolving like around you me and like I get to be selfish and like my entire life like I from like seventh grade was like put in positions that were like pretty crazy of like taking care of my family emotionally financially until like not too too long ago and like I'm like it's my time yes and it's like my turn yes and like if a child fits into that at some point like that's great and beautiful and like I know I'd be a great mother I might have a kid at 40 yes I might not have a kid and that's and it's like it was like pretty like wild to say that out loud because like I just wouldn't have thought it thought it and yet here you are and I feel like again had you gone down that path with that ex-boyfriend you wouldn't have probably even had a chance to recognize that because of just this timeline that's what you and me and Matt were talking about when you're in something that you're unsure you or maybe it was me and you you and Matt you chase the next milestone because that like puts like a it gives you something to look forward to and focus on distract from the problems in the relationships like yeah but we're gonna get engaged and then everything's gonna get better and they're gonna get married and let's focus on the wedding yeah so and then all the wedding everything's good let's start planning for the kid and then once you got the kid we're like oh we're gonna and then it's all these distractions and you these milestones and everything's good for a little bit and then once you hit that there's a come down and then you're like well what the fuck is next and you've seen those relationships with people.

41:00I think it's so beautiful when you said this to me the other day and I was like emotional for you because I feel like we have so many things that we're just taught from a young age as women and no one really tells us. But by the way, you can do it completely different. You don't have to do that. We don't have to do what our moms did. And I feel like this is such a beautiful place in your life that you're in. like you're really really in control right now and in tune with what you want and thank god you listen to yourself when you were in something that would have been easy to move forward with but difficult in the long run it's like the short term reward really you have to think about the long term and now the fact that you're able to realize all these things about yourself I'm just so happy for you and I really hope people listening can find their version of what you and I are both going through right now because I think we're both at a period where we're really having to look at ourselves and as women we don't feel comfortable kind of like silencing like the noise yeah in this moment like what do I want and if you don't know that's your first step that you need to spend some more alone time with yourself if you're in a relationship that still means you should be spending alone time and checking in with yourself but you guys Lauren and I this summer are aligned We are.

42:21I'm on my I'm doing a huge fucking victory lap and enjoying my fucking time being a newlywed. And Lauren is fucking single and she's going to have a good summer. And so I'm just celebrating myself. Yes. And so the two of us, I feel like it's this beautiful going to be a great fucking summer of us just like going a lot of fun plans. You guys, we have so many fun plans that I don't want to fully tell you about because it will be fun to roll. like for you roll out our social calendar for you guys um but also more importantly i think lauren and i will need to come back on this couch soon because um there's a couple things that maybe you'll find out soon that announcements yeah that you and i haven't really ever ever ever talked about that i think will definitely catch people by surprise yeah i think the daddy gang is going to be like shocked but also like oh it all makes sense now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so that's all all good things are coming this summer but um thank you for sharing all this and because i do really think like so much of what you are going through right now and always is like so relatable and i feel like a lot of people really appreciate whenever you come and sit down so thank you lauren And this was this was a fucking wholesome ass episode.

43:43Yeah. Daddy gang. We love you. Thank you so much for tuning in. And I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.