Is He the One?

0:00Sunday morning, Father's calling. do do do do do do do do every sunday's far this day that was pretty good right guys i'm gonna be honest i'm starting this episode almost horizontal but it just feels right i'm a little tired from tour um i'm just like a touring girl you know what i mean i might as well be taylor swift i'm just fucking kidding but no she's exhausted arrested. And I figured, you know what? I want to do a little questions of the motherfuckers. Questions of the mother. I want to do questions of the week because I feel like, I honestly feel like I just need to hang out with you guys, touch a little grass and talk a little shit.

0:48Um, tour has been amazing. I feel like, God, I just feel like a fucking pop star. I'm not gonna lie. It's just been, I have these dancers that actually a couple of the dancers are, um, magic mic dancers and they literally do like shows in fucking Vegas. And I'm just feeling like I'm living my, uh, Channing Tatum step up moment and I'm fucking loving it. The next couple shows that I am going to be doing are in Phoenix, Oakland, San Diego, and LA. And I am so fucking excited, but your bitch needs to relax. And this is what my relaxation looks like. So let's fucking talk about what's going on in your life.

1:30Let's talk about your trauma. Let's talk about what the fuck is happening. And let's get to the bottom of the goddamn daddy gang disasters this week.

2:00Let's fucking talk about what's going on in your life. Let's talk about your trauma. Let's talk about what the fuck is happening. And let's get to the bottom of the goddamn daddy gang disasters this week. No one ever writes into me being like, feeling good, living better. I'm like, okay, loving that for you guys. Story time. Get cozy, bitches. Aren't we so fucking happy? It's like basically almost fall. It is kind of fall at this point. Yeah, yeah, it's fall. Okay. Okay, here we go. Story time. I have a solid group of three girls from our college days. One of my friends dated this guy from our junior year to two years after college ended.

2:36They broke up 15 years ago. He wasn't great to her. The toxic was very apparent back then. I'm recently single and her ex slid into my DMs and asked me out. I didn't say yes, but we ended up talking over Instagram and then via text slash phone. I met up with him just the other day for some food and a walk, no physical anything. He's very flirtatious and has made his interest in me clear. I feel really good during our time together, but when I discuss the experience with our mutual friend, they express a lot of confusion, anxiety, and frustration with me. they felt I was harming our mutual friend I've asked a lot of pointed questions to this man about his interest in me and his past he took accountability for his actions admitting he used to be controlling and insecure he's in therapy now and has been for the last four years I still feel like after three encounters of text call meetups I should be honest with my friend that her ex reached out she was shocked but super mature about it she's married with two kids now she also shared that this ex was pursuing her for 10 years after their breakup holy shit whoa that is like literally the biggest compliment in the world i wish my fucking exes were still trying to hit it after i was married they're like i know you're like good and all wrapped up but i'm kind of still interested can we fuck like obviously be a no but like a little ego boost not gonna lie Anyways, back to your story.

4:11She, okay, so she had shared for 10 years after. It got to the point where she had to block him. This is getting better. While she was postpartum with her first newborn. Jesus Christ, he's obsessed with you. Not you, but sorry, your friend. Oh, wait, okay. Because he was so persistent and not respecting her boundaries. His mom even reached out to her at one point asking if her son would ever have a chance with her again because she was the only person he would ever see himself happy with. this had me shook this has major red flags and also i recognize that he's been in therapy for the past few years and has taken some accountability for his historical behavior historical do you mean hysterical i don't know what are your thoughts how do i approach this with him yeah i think it's time to find a new dick you know like we say here on color daddy there's so many penises the penile are running rampant if anything in this country like there's so much fucking penis there's so little time.

5:05And I feel like someone like you, you don't have to wonder if you're second best. I'm envisioning that this man low key has a cork board and it's just pictures of this ex. I'm worrying for you, like maybe, maybe check out his home. Actually don't. I was going to say, because I feel like he may have a shrine of Shruti. I don't know if that's your friend's name, but Shruti, there's a shrine of Shruti. And now I can't help but be, see, I'm a little paranoid. I've shared with you guys. I'm kind of the girl that like goes to the hotel room and I'm like literally ordering an extra mattress to the room so I can board up the fucking walls and I'm going to do anything and everything to like protect myself.

5:45And I feel like if I was in your position, I would feel like that he was literally using you to get to his former lover and your friend. And you're kind of just almost like a pawn. And I don't like feeling like any daddy gang is a pawn. I do not like that for you. I do not feel like this is a good thing. And I don't give a fuck that this man has been in therapy for four years. If I know anything about men, four years is four fucking minutes for men with this kind of trauma, okay? If he is getting his mother in the past to call his ex-girlfriend after 10 years of being broken up and trying to get back with her, this is not someone that is in a good mental headspace to re-engage in activity with someone that is associating with that friend.

6:27Like there is no fucking doubt in my mind if he was still pawning after her for 10 fucking years, even when this motherfucking woman had a baby and is married happily and is like, please leave me alone. I'm blocking your ass. Oh my God. I almost just got chills. Um, I was going to say, I don't think it's a coincidence that he reached out to you. I think this is an angle. I think this is Bert's angle to get back with Shirley and he's using you hoping that it will make her fucking jealous. And if anything, I'm impressed that your friend was kind of just like, hey, like, I don't have a problem with it.

7:03But if you want advice as like a friend to friend, if you were just going to pretend like he wasn't like basically serial stalking me for a while, probably not the vibe. When someone's being this aggressive and this crazy and stalking and someone is having to block someone and it's getting weird and then he has his family reaching out and the girl's like, please leave me alone. I don't see a world for you where, number one, let's pretend this man even changed. I just worry for you. This is actually probably a me problem. My ego would not allow me to be with someone that was that insane to a friend of mine because I would constantly feel embarrassed and I would constantly feel like, fuck, this just isn't right.

7:49Like, I feel like you deserve your own happy ending and you deserve your own person. And I feel like because of how obsessed he, I think, currently still is with your friend, I feel like this is a no-go for you. I feel like you need to move on. And I'm really sorry that you kind of got like caught up in the crosshairs. But my advice to you from a loving father's perspective is run, literally run and get away from him because especially once you're that far out of college, you don't have time for this. You don't have time to wonder like, is he insane? Did the four years of therapy like help? Or is he literally using me to get back with my friend because he wants to break up the marriage and he's so in love with her and he's really just using me so that he can like, I don't need it.

8:34I don't need it. I don't need the question marks. You will know if someone is right for you. And the fact that you're writing in this amount of detail about his obsession with another woman, I want my man to be so fucking obsessed with me. It's it's sickening. Okay And if he has any doubt in his mind and he's thinking about any other vagina and woman, but me It's gonna be a no. So, um, I think this is a I think this is a hard pass, but i'm really sorry Sorry, I don't mean to be joking I just think it's like a little crazy that he was stalking her for 10 years Um to each their own But I don't think you should date someone that stalked one of your friends

9:33I've been noticing that at social events with my boyfriend, he often looks uncomfortable and often won't talk very much. I know he's a shy person, but it just makes me feel like he's not trying sometimes. I still really appreciate that he's showing up and I know it takes him a while to warm up to people, but I just wish that my friends and family got to see the goofy guy he is when it's just the two of us or when he's with people he knows really well. I know this sounds like I'm being hard on him, but I just feel like I've made a big effort and I'm really close with his family and friends and I feel like he's not there yet with mine.

10:04So sometimes it bothers me when he's quiet because I'm like, how are you going to get more comfortable around them if you don't push yourself. Should I bring something up or give him more time? Thanks, daddy. Oh, that's fucking hard. Let me put on my Dr. fucking Cooper hat. Hold on. What would my mom say? There's a couple dynamics at play here. And number one, I feel like the dynamic of merging into someone's life when you start dating them can be difficult and it can be extremely difficult if your friends and family don't maybe vibe with him as much as he would want to vibe with them. I think sometimes we are a little, just a little biased about our own lives.

10:51Like, oh my God, my uncle Marty is hilarious. And then you bring like a new boyfriend in and you're like, they're like, your uncle Marty's a fucking creepy dick. And you're like, oh, fuck. You're right. He's kind of weird. So my first point to you would be like, check that your family and friends are being loving to your partner. I'm not saying they're not. I'm just saying sometimes I fucking see it with my friends and I'm like, whoa, like, yeah, your dad is like being a fucking creep. Like, I think it's just like an obvious like first check. Like, why is he not feeling too comfortable? The second point I would make is when you do introduce a partner to your family and friends, I have seen and I have been with partners that have done this before that it's like peace when you enter the event and you're flying high, you're like, I'm like a bird.

11:40And you're just walking around having the time of your life. There are people that need some handholding and new social introductions. And I completely understand that. And so if you're feeling like he's not opening up, maybe you need to like, just like, maybe make sure he feels a little bit more comfortable at these events. Like, are you completely disappearing? And you got Josh in the corner just fucking sipping the sangria hoping that your Nana engages in conversation with him like I don't think he's feeling maybe there's a chance he's not feeling like he has the ability to bring out that goofiness because no one's really looking for it and he doesn't really feel like he's gonna like get his freak on and and he's not feeling too cozy the good thing that you're telling me is he has this side to himself so it's one thing if you're like I'm just fucking bored I've got a boring ass boyfriend that fucking is in the corner just like eating his boogers and doing nothing yeah then I'd be like that's just not your vibe you're not into those like shy mystery booger boys you're into more of that like loud energy totally but he literally has that goofy fun side to him and he's not bringing it out so that's a good sign my only other problem if now I'm now on your side more than his side so fuck the hand holding all that um I do think you could have a conversation with him I think it can be such a loving conversation because who knows maybe he like is feeling something and and he's just hasn't said it to you so like open the fucking conversation up it's literally what I tell you guys every fucking time whenever I'm having a problem with anyone in my entire life just open the conversation up you know what I mean and uh I think what you could say is babe I was dying laughing the other night with you I was like my fucking stomach hurt.

13:23Like just from like a, again, complimentary sandwich. It's the only way to get her done. Boom. Compliment this motherfucker about how you love his goofiness. Goofy, goofy, goofy, goofy Greg. I love you. You little stinker. That was so funny. And you know what I realized is I feel like whenever we're with my family, it makes me sad because why I'm so in love with you is how fucking funny you are. And I wanted to just like talk to you about whenever we do go around my family and my friends, like I want you to feel like you can be a hundred percent yourself. And I totally get it can be intimidating to like integrate and whatever.

14:07And you're always so lovely, but like, I want you to like let loose and like have fun. And, and I want to just like check in with you. Like, how do you feel about like my family and friends? Because I know they really like you. And if he gets defensive, I think maybe it's just like a he takes a long time to get out of his shell and you can like rest assured, like slowly, hopefully this will change. But maybe he will say like, uh, yeah, cause your mom came up to me and said X and that's why I've always felt weird. Or, oh yeah, your friend always hits on me. You never know, but open up Pandora's box.

14:38I always want to know what's inside. It's always fun. No matter what, you're going to get some type of answer. And then at least you'll have more of the ability to understand why goofy Greg ain't being so goofy around Nana and on Gertrude. I want to see him get freaky and I know you do. So let's open the conversation up for him to really let his freak flag fly. But some people just take a fucking long time to open up, you know, and some people don't. And can I say one thing, though? I think this is better. I think this is better than having a partner that's like what's up motherfuckers and he's like hitting your dad in the arm and he's like yeah like pour me that vodka and you're literally like you're too comfortable Johnny reel it back back it up like a Mack truck you fucking creep my grandma doesn't know you like that to make a fucking comment about her thigh highs whose grandma wears thigh highs.

15:38Anyways, you get my point. I think it's better to have a lad that's going to like ease in rather than is just like, boom, I'm fucking here. It's a little off putting when someone feels a little too fucking comfortable in a room that's like not really their room to own. So be grateful that what's your boyfriend's name? What did I say? It's not Johnny, Greg. Be grateful that Greg kind of has this demeanor where like, you know, his goofy side. And isn't of kind of cute that like boom you get a side to him that no one does I don't know it play a fucking family game that really like incorporates that humor and see if Greg comes to life maybe Greg likes to just give his girl that one and only in the scheme of um this question versus the last question you're in a good position um he loves you he's there he's showing up and that's all you can fucking ask for and it'll work itself out sorry i'm in a weird mood i don't know what's happening i think i'm sleep deprived okay let's go to the next fucking question

17:02okay batter up let's see I kind of like is that fucked up to rank questions of like so far the first question is you you are in the doghouse the most second question Greg and you are fine now let's see what's going on okay so I'm 25 and I've been with my boyfriend for about four years now and he drunkenly admitted a few weeks ago that he was saving up to propose however I was shocked because our relationship has been going through a rough patch. I thought we were close to breaking up. We haven't been intimate for months. We literally became roommates to the point that I moved out because we wanted to give each other space and spice things up a bit.

17:40But it only got worse. We weren't on the same page about anything. And during arguments, it got pretty nasty. The time away from him actually made me realize that I do not want to be in a relationship with anyone, even though we both really love each other. And clearly, I know I'm his world. and us breaking up would break the hearts of the people around us the most. Well, that's your first problem. It'd break the hearts of the people around you the most, not you. Should I continue? No, I'll keep going. But that is your answer. But I'll keep going. We both don't want to admit it, but we see each other as friends.

18:13Feels like we're forcing something that's not there anymore. I want to be alone for a while and focus on myself. Am I being too selfish? No. Should I just suck it up and try to work things out. Bitch, what? You're fucking with me. Sometimes I always wonder, is that again just like at work typing up a little sweet nothing to just get me riled up? Yeah, this is going to be a no for me, dog. I refuse to let you just suck it up. I feel like an engagement. You shouldn't have to suck up. It really shouldn't go down that way. And I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Let me just say this. I'm going to be real for a minute.

18:49it fucking sucks when you're thinking about ending a relationship because you're right there is more to a relationship than just the people that are the two people in the relationship when you have been in a relationship for a long time with someone you inevitably will become close with their family with their friends and it is a whole fucking shit storm to untangle when you get out of the relationship but let me just say this to every single person listening because I very important all of the family members all of the friends this is not their relationship and as heartbroken as they'll be for about uh maybe a week if that's actually pushing it maybe a couple days uh pushing it maybe like a fucking the minute that they hear it this is what's gonna happen they hear you guys broke up no we loved your relationship oh my god like Donald Trump almost just got assassinated and got shot in the ear.

19:47They forgot about you. They literally forgot about you guys breaking up. They're moving on. They're eating their spinach chip. They're watching the news. They're like, whoa, that was good. Oh my God. They literally don't care. No one actually fucking cares about your relationship because they're not living in it. They can have an opinion. They can have a strong opinion. They can even love you as a person. They can be like, God, that would have been a fucking amazing sister-in-law. sure but guess what his dad's not fucking you I hope I hope well I hope I hope for your sake you're not fucking his father I hope that you're not fucking his dad and his dad is you know what I'm saying it's like I think we get a little too people pleasing when we come to the brink of wanting to break up with someone and we think about everyone else's feelings but our own no one gives a fuck if you break up with the person they are going to be upset for a moment but guess what they have their own marriages they have their own fucking lives and if they knew that you were not happy they'd be like well then fucking leave wait what we liked you guys because we thought you were happy and we thought you were a cute couple if you guys are unhappy we don't want you two to be unhappy together you know what i mean so it's like every single daddy gang member this is your psa if you're staying in a relationship because you are closer with his family or you are close with his family and you are or your family is close with their family and you're heartbroken, heartbroken to break the news to those people, I'm going to give you a little tip.

21:09They're going to be fine. They sadly don't care as much as you think they care. And I know that is really hard to hear, but I've had too many friends go through this. It's like, it's going to be okay. They're going to move on. You need to fucking be selfish. If you are feeling like you are in a friendship with your partner, that is what you need to focus on. It is two people in a fucking relationship. Okay. Stop fucking thinking about your mother-in-law. Stop thinking about your fucking, but I love his sister. She's so not. Okay. Well, guess what? You'll find new fucking friends and maybe one day you guys can become friends again, but you can't stay in something to appease a bunch of other fucking people.

21:48Cause guess what? They're not doing that in their life. They're going to be happy. They're going to be picking people they love. And then everyone is fucking in love and happy. And then what you have to go to bed with this person at night. You have to fucking potentially start a family with this person. It is the two of you. So cut the shit on, well, we have such fun Thanksgiving together. I don't give a fuck. The stuffing's in every fucking household every year. You're going to find a new stuffing mate. You need to figure out if you're actually happy with this person and fuck the family, okay?

22:16Because guess what? You know it's true fucking love when your partner fucking hates your family or you fucking hate their family, but you're in it anyways because you're like, I love this fucking person so much and his mom is such a fucking cunt, but I know I love him because I'm willing to deal with his motherfucking cunt of a mother. That's when you know it's real love. Don't let yourself get blindsided by a good family setup. It's okay. And let me also empathize for five seconds. I do understand if you are maybe coming from a position where you don't have as good of a relationship with your family.

22:44And so you found a family within your boyfriend or your girlfriend's family. I, to be real for a minute, like I so fucking get how having a relationship with a family and having this family feel can be so intoxicating and can be so beautiful. I promise you, daddy gang, that is not a reason to stay in a relationship. It is an absolute positive. It is a check in that person's box that they have a great fucking family, but you will find that somewhere else. You will find your family in your partner. And it's amazing if they have the additives, but the additives are not the people that are there for you in the long run.

23:22It is you and your partner at the end of the day in that fucking bed together when you're going through the hard stuff, when you're going through health shit, when you're going through financial shit, when you're going through your kids got a fucking problem, it's the two of you. My advice on this situation is you have your answer. You know that the family will be more upset. You moved out for a reason. You know you love this person more than anything. And I'm not saying it's fucking easy to end a relationship with someone that you love so deeply and you have these ties to, but you have to be fucking selfish.

23:49And you have to understand that even though he said that he was going to propose my opinion and my advice to you is this is the moment that you end it this is a perfect opportunity and not in like a sick me being in a goofy mood right now I actually am gonna take the jokes out and this is what I would do you sit this person down and you say I know that we were drinking the other night and obviously I think we need to talk about what was said because you brought up to me how you were planning on proposing and I want you to know that like I have so much love for you and I love you so much and we've been together for so long and this relationship has changed me in ways that I will truly like always always always be so grateful to you for but we both know we have not been good we have not been good for a long time and we have worked so fucking hard to get back to a good place I moved out we have not been able to physically connect as much as we used to we have been fighting we have been trying and it it is so hard because we've been trying for so fucking long that I think in moments it's brought us closer because when you do rebound from a fight you can feel like you're winning and you're making progress but really you're kind of just getting back to like the equilibrium and you're getting back to like normalcy and I think you can say we have tried so long and I think when I heard you talk about the proposal I'm going to be honest it made me realize that I know that's not what we we want and I know that's what we wanted at one point and so it's heartbreaking to admit it but I think we both know like this isn't right and I think that it's a natural moment to look at ourselves if we're not going to do that that the biggest next step in our life which would be the natural next step I think we both know that as hard as it's going to be to untangle our lives and our families and all of it and I love you so much I truly know that's so fucking backwards to be like I love you but there is more to just loving someone and I feel like we've become friends and I think we both know that in the long run we're not meant to get married and so I love you and I think that this is kind of like we have our answer oh my god this is getting so sad I feel like I'm doing the breaking up for you um but you know what I mean like this is what I will give you guys advice on in as like kind of my like closing statement that I have realized as I've like had more life experiences is when something happens in a friendship or a relationship or a family dynamic and someone makes like a bold statement at some point that you're like thrown off by whether it's someone like this proposing to you or your family member makes an inappropriate comment at the dinner table and you can't stop thinking about it or a friend makes a weird remark a lot of times that thing is going to catapult you to think about like what what is upsetting you right and I think what you need to do is not let those like weird moments bypass and you don't have to confront it in the moment but my advice to you always is like always have a follow-up conversation and use what they did or they said, not against them, but as the starting point for the awkward conversation to open up the larger conversation.

27:32Because I am so aware, like I used to be so bad at confrontation and I'm still not where I want to be, but I've definitely gotten better. And something my therapist has helped me with is like, how to engage in that conversation with this one family member would be, you mentioned this last. So why don't you go to them and say, hey, I was thinking about when you referenced this in our conversation and I want to have a follow-up on that because I've now had time to think about it and I xyz so do you see what I'm saying it's like he did this big moment where he was going to like he said he admitted he was going to propose use that now as your way into the awkward conversation hey I was thinking about what you said the other night and we really need to have a conversation like I think we both know that you know what I mean like imagine your friend drunkenly is crying and saying like, you're never there for me.

28:25Like you're the worst friend. Like you're blah, blah, blah. And like said some crazy shit. It's really hard to like know how to react in a moment. So my, also my other advice is like when people are saying really pointed shit, they've been thinking about it and they are saying it. So let them say it and you don't need to respond, but use that as the way into your follow-up and saying, Hey, I thought about the other night and I know you were drunk and you brought up our friendship, but it got me thinking a lot about like, is that how you feel about me? But then I was also thinking like, how do I feel about our friendship?

28:56Right. And I feel like lately, and then you go into it. So that's just like a little like piece of advice for any of my like people pleasing or like non-confrontational daddy gang. Like there are ways to help yourself start a conversation by just using something that they have brought up, not against them and not to like hold over their head. It's actually just a way in to be like, I've been thinking about this because I get it so awkward you're sitting at coffee and you're like so let's talk about our friendship and they're like fuck bitch or you're like I don't want to marry you and he's like huh like you just use it as the ease in this is a casual conversation you've been talking about it now I want to keep talking about it I think there's a lot of people probably listening to this right now that are in that predicament of is he the one is he the person and I think that when you get to a certain place in your life, in your 20s and your 30s, I feel like every fucking other person listening to this podcast is at that point in their life.

29:52You could be even fucking married and dealing with this right now. Is he the one? Did I make the wrong mistake? Am I engaged? You know what I mean? You have to take care of yourself. And if you find yourself worrying about, well, will he be okay if I leave? Or will the family be this? Or will this rupture our friend group? Or am I going to be lonely? if you're thinking of all the other ancillary like details around the relationship other than is this the love of my life and am I happy you kind of have your answer because everything else can get fixed and solved if you stay like I said who gives a fuck if the in-laws are crazy if you leave it's okay like that's not your family or that wasn't meant to be you don't stay in something because it's going to make other people fucking happy are you happy are you fulfilled Do you feel like this is it for you?

30:44Is this the right decision for you? And if the answer is a maybe, it is a no. I'm sorry to crack the motherfucking hammer, but we don't have time, daddy gang, because it's not time as in, oh, we're women and we're getting older. No, no, you don't have time because when you have that gut feeling, there is something already out there waiting for you that is better. And I'm not saying, I'm not putting the person that you're sitting across from and you're in a relationship with down, I'm actually saying that compatibility, it's time to fucking keep it moving. You're going to find someone that makes you fucking really happy and fulfilled.

31:18And I'm telling you this because I have been there and I was talking about this with my friend the other day. I was in love. Of course, I was in love with someone before I met Matt. I have been in love before Matt, but there's so much more that goes into a relationship than just love. Right. And so you have the ability to start over. And I know that sounds hard and I can do an entire episode on this but the first answer is within you which is you know it's not the right decision and there's no easy way to end something but the faster that you end something the sooner that you can begin the next phase of your life and so yeah I love you and I'm really sorry and I know it's never easy but I know you are strong and you are going to get through this and lean on your family lean on your friends and make the right decision for you because it's also then the right decision for them who the fuck would want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to be in a relationship with them it doesn't want to get you know what I mean like you got this okay daddy gang I love you all so much I am I'm gonna go crack open a little alcohol maybe dip my toe in the jacuzzi soak off my spray tan so I can get another one and honestly have a great fucking night I hope you all are having a fabulous Sunday Sunday is the Lord's day it's also Father's day so thank you so much for tuning in um I cannot wait to see the rest of you on tour you guys the guests are just going to keep getting fucking crazier I have been having the time of my life and I'm not gonna lie I fucking love it up there you guys screaming us drinking together us partying I saw a couple tits the other night I was fucking thriving.

32:56I was peaking. I'm kind of happy that my parents weren't in the crowd for the other night because I was like, I saw a lot of nipples and I don't need that awkwardness with my family. I love you guys. Keep showing me your tits. Have fun. And I will see you guys for the daddy gang that can't make it to tour. I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. And for the daddy gang that I will see in San Diego, Oakland, Los Angeles, Phoenix, bitches, get fucking ready. It's only going to get weirder. Love you. Bye.

33:27We'll be right back.