Kesha: Serve C*nt & Prevail

31:24But like, that's the power of music, girl. OK, next, next, next one. Because maybe I don't know what the fuck this relates to, but. And this is where we're at. And here we are. Cult Leader 101. You post this back in January. Kesha, what's happening here? Well, okay. Let's, what is happening? So I'm a Pisces and like statistically Pisces are great cult leaders. Okay. And we were going to Brazil and I haven't been to Brazil in forever. And I was thinking about how culture, the word culture, it's like culture. And then I was with my dancers and they were like, you're kind of our cult leader. And I'm like, well, what, like, what's the cult?

32:14And I, my goal is to kind of create like queer church. When I was designing my show, I wanted it to feel like a pop church for all people. But specifically having gone to church after church after church in my life, wanting to go to divinity school and being like part of the queer community and caring very deeply about the queer community. I wanted like one of my main goals, the last act of my show on this tour is called Queer Church. because throughout my whole career, I would not, I wouldn't be shit if it weren't for the queer community. And as like a pop star, like I owe everything to the queer community and I want to always make a safe space for all people.

33:13What do you think is the biggest misconception about you? Oh shit. I don't even, like truly, It depends on what article you read, what era. Like, I don't even know. Like, that's the craziest part about having everything in your life on the internet. Like, truly. It's almost like depends on who you ask. Depends on, I have no idea. I literally don't know. And part of me is like, do I care? Because I'm so fucking solid. It's so good. I don't give a fuck. No, it's so good. I like spent so much time. Girl, after this litigation, I was like not, I was truly so full of fear. Like it was in my bone marrow.

34:06And I spent so much time and energy focusing on trying to regulate myself and regulate my nervous system and heal. And like, I am so fucking good with myself now. And that is like a miracle. So I don't know. I don't know. People might think, oh, I don't even know. You're like, I don't care. I don't. I mean, like, I'm kind of curious. But then it's kind of like going on Twitter. Like, do I want to know? What are these bitches fucking saying? What are they saying? You can put the cards down. That was perfect.

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37:29The ones popping up in every Get Ready With Me. Think summery fragrances like Kaoli, Eden, Plush Pair 23, Eau de Parfum, Next Level Makeup, the skincare that keeps you glowing like it's your full-time job shop the newest hottest beauty only at Sephora okay I think that I want to talk about something that was very interesting and I know that you know you said to Monica Lewinsky and you said during that time you weren't able to have an orgasm because of the stress that you were under yeah what has it been like reclaiming your sexuality. Oh my God. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. Do you know, should I say this?

38:15I probably should. I don't care. I'm free. I now mostly celibate, you know, except for when you're in Italy. Like I now, what did you just say about Italy? I'm celibate Except for when I'm in Italy Okay, oh I like that It's like by country Listen, whatever Anyways, you like the Italians What did I say? But so now I actually Like Masturbate to Gratitude meditations You're lying to me I certainly am not Kesha they're like breathe in and be grateful oh it's don't knock it till you try it honestly everyone let me just say those downloads on the gratitude ones are gonna go way up remember when i said i started every day with a gratitude meditation right it's been amazing literally when i got my freedom i was like i think you know I'm pissed about a lot of stuff but one of the things is that like pleasure I keep coming back to pleasure like it is okay as a woman to feel pleasure in this world when things when you go through things pleasure is not like the number one neural pathway that your brain always goes to when you have survived things and I had to reprogram that and I do it every fucking day and I'm not even embarrassed about it.

39:54You shouldn't be. You absolutely shouldn't be. And I think especially as women, I relate to like, I think when we are stressed or we're going through something traumatic, the actual last thing that we can think about is sex and pleasure because our bodies are so frozen. We literally can't feel our bodies. Like to lose that part of yourself and to shut down and then to be able to now be like, I connect this shit with gratitude, motherfucker. fucker. Totally. Wow. This is why I am celibate is because I'm calling in a fucking king. Like it's time for my king. You're manifesting. My pussy is manifesting with gratitude that my king is coming.

40:38OK, because you have to your body has to align with your reality before it shows up in your life. So like, are there kings in Italy? Like what's going on over there? There are some fucking kings in Italy. Yeah, girl. It's really that different? Kind of love it. I know you also kind of mentioned like going through this experience of not feeling right in your body, you know, being on the world stage, having people comment, just the exploitation to the nth degree of people feeling like they are entitled to a woman's body is so disturbing. and I also think the impossible standards that we're held to right like be hot but don't be slutty like you know be hot but don't be fake like there's so much that we have to be like oh where's the middle line like how have you managed to get kind of rid of those expectations because like you are so confident now and we need your wisdom of like how have you just learned to just be comfortable with who you are huh I mean it's been like such a journey right um from the beginning of my career and I you know we've talked about this a bit and it's been very public like people have commented on my body I internalize those comments I make that the word of God I try to adjust my body to somebody else's like what they want me to be um I went through a horrible filler phase god that sucked but because i was like oh that's what i should do and then i'm like i actually don't like the way that looks but like it's just like this constant dance with society on what it does mean to be a woman and what is acceptable and like also we're not supposed to age like trust me I don't want to but like I don't know what else to do like I so I just have I try to have like because my body image can get very perfectionism me that's like what came up when I was you know in the eating disorder which has been a while ago now so I like it's interesting to talk about it because I just really wanted to be loved and um in my healing process since I got my freedom I realized like wanting to be famous and wanting to be loved all of that actually had to come from myself and it couldn't be fake self-love.

43:28It could not be performative words from a stage. I had to sit with myself and really like treat myself with kindness and grace and gratitude. And I sat with my leg. I tore my ACL on stage and I fucking finished that show and I played another one. Like I'm so grateful. But I remember Kesha, wasn't it that after you did that though, the headlines where you were drunk on stage. Like things like that make your blood boil because I don't drink before I go on stage. Girl, I barely drink. Like that's the one LOL that's probably a huge misconception. But like, I don't want to have to defend myself. Right.

44:09Talk to me a little bit about that persona that you built because I know everyone builds a form when you have to have this like public image, right? I feel like there was this very like wild child's party girl that you were bringing forth to the world and people loved it. But like, how intentional was that? I think that that is absolutely a part of where I was at. You know, I was in my early 20s. And I think people love a headline. We love the drama, the salacious. We love it. So it was a version of a thing I did sometimes just like everybody at that age. And it was fun. And it's funny to talk about.

44:52It's also probably more interesting to write a song about a night, a wild night than like, uh, getting a car wash. Like, I don't know. Now I'm going to challenge myself. At the time it was also, I write many, many, many songs for a record. Like I'm talking like 100 plus. So let's just say.

45:28I wanted to showcase other sides of my personality with single choices, but like the party thing was working. Right. And so it became almost like a caricature of itself, which is not to say it was never like disingenuine. I was having a great time and having fun and romping around the world. But I think the balance of that is also who I am, which didn't maybe get as much of a spotlight at the time because one thing was really working. And how much do you think that that public persona influenced the way people treated you? Well, I think that there has been a level of, can write off a talent because there's auto-tune or it's a silly song or it's a pop song or like there's so many ways to try to discount kind of like what I've done.

46:31But the cool thing is, is that I'm always like, all right, y 'all go write one. Go ahead. Write one. See how easy it is. Like part of I actually truly think this, we're talking about this earlier, but joy is such an act of resistance. A lot of times in my career, my joy has been written off as something that is not maybe that impressive because it's kind of silly. It's kind of fucking goofy. It's kind of just crazy. But I think to vibrate in the frequency of like silly goose shit is actually magical. It is because you don't give a fuck. And that though can piss people off. totally. Babe, I could have gone to Barnard.

47:24Okay. I'm, I'm really fucking smart. And I also can be really fun and silly and both things can exist, but you then refute, you're taking away my intellect because I'm having fun and I have an image and I'm leaning in and I'm doing all these fun things because that's what everyone wants. You have to be able to put them in a box because we need to be able to fit them into a structure where we can make sense of it. And guess what, bitches? No. How about no? That's just not how life works with humans. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to. I'm just not going to. Like, and trust me, they're mad at me.

48:00Livid. They're mad. But I'm not. You're happy. Like, no, I'm like killing it. I just sold out MSG. I'm chilling. So, like, they tried so hard to make me so sad. no can we also talk about this joy because you're right we were talking about for the interview and the way you talk about it it's so refreshing because like I just don't feel like as women and especially like if you're trying to forge a path for yourself and be successful when you're smiling and you're enjoying your success no one wants to see that no and it's like really disorienting to people. And I just like, don't know why I'm like, I don't either.

48:49I think that, what do I think? I don't know. I think that when you are, I think we're all mirrors for each other. And to some, you could be a massive inspiration. and to some you can be a reflection of what they are not achieving in their life um I know I mean I just know that I feel like I have been projected upon a lot and kind of going back to the body stuff it's like I tried to shape shift to make everybody happy and then at some point when you do that for literally almost 20 years you start to be like I'm going to Italy I'm eating the pasta. See you guys later. Eat shit and die. You know?

49:44Eat shit and die. Everyone, eat shit and die. it's just like, what? What? I can't. Can we talk about these kings in Italy? Yeah. Let's talk about your dating life. Oh, God. Okay. LOL. Let's go. Okay. So you're celibate except for when you're in Italy. I mean, like, mostly. Celibate was like the goal. Yeah. progress, not perfection. Got it. Are you single? Yes. Okay. Very single. Okay. I'm going to kind of, well, first of all, you have a song called Red Flag. Yeah. Where you just like straight up admit to loving a red flag and a partner. This is why I've been mostly celibate and I'm going to remain very single on purpose.

50:32Yep. Because we have worked on this trait of mine. What were some toxic traits we're not into anymore but maybe in the past we were a little like huh that i think are hot yeah just like truly the funnier the story the hotter like oh god oh god i'd like just i've just dated people i have no business dating just no i can't even call there's like some stories i really want to tell but i don't want to call anybody out but like one eye which i think is hot yeah he was cool okay but like the line got drawn because he just smelled kind of like a subway sandwich that had been sitting in the back of your car for a couple of days and like honestly you better work but it was just not a match it was like a vibe because I'm actually secretly a hippie but like there's a line yeah for me you know um oh god okay wait then I'm gonna give you some dating disasters oh you tell me if any of this relates to you okay go ahead give me the story what is the pettiest reason you've ever gotten dumped i've only gotten dumped actually one time and it's because the guy was dating i kind of like thought he was probably a star fucker and i was like i'm just gonna like test this theory and so i went to the eras like after the tour there's a little party and i was just like i'm gonna pop in take my girlfriend i'm not gonna take the boyfriend just see how this goes we were together for a year and a half.

52:21That dude came over the next day, dropped the keys off, and that was that. I was like, have you no shame? Like, couldn't you wait like 11 days or something? Him being like so angry with you? You're like tantrum. I mean, if you're going to do it over anybody, Taylor Swift is the one to do it. Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. Honestly, I would have a fucking tantrum too. Yeah, fair, fair, fair. But get it together. Okay, what's a time you completely misread the vibes and you're like, wait, no, this is not how I felt. Oh, with a guy? Misread the vibes. Well, let's just say most, okay, let's just say I had these two athletes, two of them at the same time.

53:12And they were like, let's hang out. And I was like, I can't. Because I realized, I forget there's a word for this, but if I don't like someone's brain, I can't deal with their penis. Penis. That's it. I'm a sapiosexual. But I just like, I really like, I was excited because I got my orgasm back, you know? And I was like, I'm going to like, I'm going to like kind of have a ho phase. Like, what's that like? And I can't. No, no, no. So that's, yeah. The athletes, it sounds like a good idea. And then you get there and you're like, hmm. It was like a really cute flirtation. But I just like, I misread my own vibe in thinking that I could have a ho face.

54:02I think I like just want a king. I just want like one. I just want to masturbate and meditate. Masturbate and meditate.

54:14Dude. Okay. What is the time you found out you were potentially the other woman? Oh. Well, okay. I met this guy and I was really into his brain. And then we had a little kiki, had a little make out. It's cute. Love. But then I found out he was polyamorous. So it's not really the other woman, but it's like an open situation. And so anytime I'm met with like, I felt very judgmental, you know? I was like, oh, I'm judging the situation. I'm judging my part of being in the situation. And then I had a conversation and like, it's a full-blown life choice. They've been doing it for a very long time. his partner has a full-blown other partner and so I was like I'm gonna give this a try for a moment and it turns out it just like was not for me you just want a king to yourself I think the most like uh devotion oh my god do you know that someone like built a pyramid for somebody didn't they I think so okay so we're gonna go with it we're gonna fucking go with it fact check fact check um who might be here yeah in your mind that's what you want but like what would you want someone to build you like i want a fucking i want a fucking cathedral full of cats and starburst i don't know i just like want and like a river running through it oh and like a weeping willow next to the dolphins obviously Obviously.

56:03Obviously. That's what every woman wants. You're like, clip this, send this, send this to him in Italy, get started. Yes. With a manicurist inside of my pyramid.

56:16I love. Where are the men like this? So a pyramid. I like this. I like this for you. What do you want, Bill? You know, I've never thought about it, but I don't think anything I could say would top what you just said. So I'll take what she's having. You can come visit. I'll take the cats and the starbursts and the weeping willow. What is the worst meet the parents interaction you've ever had? Oh, wow. I had one in Indiana. I'm not going to say his name. Okay. He knows who he is. He took me to Indiana and I had only gone on like two dates and it just ended up being like, I love Indiana, but like this particular meeting the parents after just a couple of dates was like wildly awkward.

57:00And then everyone thinks because I'm coming home, then we're getting married. And you had two dates. Yeah. But that was my bad. See, crazy, horny. I get horny for crazy. Like if someone's like, I know, let's do this. Like, really? It's a bad idea. And I'm like, that sounds funny. I do it for fun. I do it for like the book. Let's go to Indiana and meet your parents. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm this bitch. This is the beginning of the most epic love story ever told. and then it's going to end with him building me a pyramid. And it never fucking does. This is just why I'm mostly celibate. Okay, yeah, no.

57:39I think definitely don't go meet the parents after two dates, right? That was my bad. It was a good story. What is the biggest lie you ever caught someone in?

57:50Hmm. Okay. Okay. There, there was a guy I did for like a long time and I don't know if you ask my dancers, he may not have a home. Was he living with you? I don't want to answer this question. You're like, Alex, shut up. That's not, it's not your business. That's not important. Okay. He may or may not have been living with me and we never went to his place but he always has an excuse i was really busy i was designing my tour and then i was like literally hand designing everything and it was like i'll go see your place when i have time and then one thing led to another and then you never saw the place because i don't know if it exists

58:42i don't know you know yeah yep no i know the red flag thing it's okay i know this is why i am you're so self-aware right now you're like i know like at least you recognize it you know like you'll always be on guard now if they never are like by the third time like want to come to mind it has to be that i have to like i need i'm just gonna what do we do literally as women like what do we do just try to you prevail okay like i think you just like serve cunt and prevail and like just close the pussy up and call in kings that's what i'm trying that's like my we're working on it but sometimes they don't have homes and then you should like definitely not let them move in with you unless you do a background check first.

59:39Yeah, the background checks, Kesha. I know. Let's get on that. I know. What is the most rogue first date you've ever been on? Hmm. Your face. Hmm. Well, for my birthday, someone sent me a yacht, not like as a present, but like for me and like my whole crew, but they weren't even there. Oh. So it was kind of a first date and it was my favorite one because he wasn't there. You're like, send me shit and don't come around. You're like, that's actually the kind of relationship I want. Give me all the good things, but I don't want to ever see you. Okay. Don't annoy me. You're so fucking annoying. But send the yacht, babe.

1:00:25And build the pyramid. And I'll be in the pyramid alone. Okay. What is the weirdest place you've ever hooked up with someone? Hmm. Weirdest. Let me take a little walk down memory lane for a minute. Weirdest place I've ever hooked up with somebody.

1:00:49Like, I don't know. It's like planes, trains and automobiles vibes like on a bus in a bus bathroom in a bunk on a bus. You're on tour Like I'm always on tour Which is like kind of the thing So like at a sexy bathroom at the restaurant Love that I love like nature sex Oh It's the best In like the woods? Yeah It's the best Really? With like the sticks Oh and the leaves honey And the barks sweetie yeah and the worms get in the river baby and that mud honey they're like what just went in my vagina oh that wasn't his tip no i'm like okay actually maybe my favorite sex has been like body paint like paint in the woods oh in the grass but there's paint and there's a canvas and there's sexiness happening i can picture it i like it for you um are you the type of person that stays friends with their ex i do if like if you're like a real shit i'm gonna write a song about you and like it is what it is if you're not if it's just like not a match totally yep i like to me kind of realized now that i'm like free and i'm independent and i'm sovereign and it's this whole energy of like if you don't like fuck with me then love that but just it's like the guys that like have like were using me to get in the paparazzi pictures or lied to me about having a home like that is like deal breaker it's a deal breaker we got to cut it off standards um have you ever been cheated on i think they know that i'm a little crazy crazy.

1:02:46You're like, they ended it before because they knew you don't, you don't want to do that. Like I collect human teeth. Let's talk about that. What's going on? Well, so I've been collecting them for a while now. Okay. And I make art out of them. I have my cats had to get their little teeth taken out because they were, I don't know, their little kitty wisdom teeth. I collect those too. I'm like the tooth fairy. And didn't fans like used to send you their teeth? Yeah. No, they still do. And did you ask for that? Yes. How did that come? I tweeted it. You said what? Can you send me your teeth? Just like, send me your teeth.

1:03:24Good morning. Hit me up. Love you. And what did you want to do with the teeth? Well, so I make art. I make jewelry. I've made a crown, like a headdress. I made a belt. Wait, the thing you're carrying isn't a tooth, right? Oh, no, that's my placenta. Wait. What? Where's that? Where did it go? Oh, I lost my placenta on your. Oh, my God. Where is your placenta? You were holding it. Maybe it went down into the crevices. We'll get it after. What's in here? You were holding your placenta earlier. Yeah, I brought it in. So your placenta supposedly gives you second sight, helps open your third eye. this is according to my mother so she stuck it in the oven she put it in a box and she found it when i was like 21 years old in the basement wait she had to like fight for my placenta my mom they tried to take my placenta away from her at the hospital and she like fucking threw a conniption fit and she fought for it she fought for that so now i carry it around she put it in the oven just wrapped Wrapped it up in a box, stuck it in the basement.

1:04:33We found it. Throw it in the blender, pop it in a necklace. Work.

1:04:42Art. Found it. Oh, give us a little show to the camera. Okay. That's your placenta. And that's in there? Uh-huh. And do you travel with that everywhere? Yeah. What does it bring you? I just feel like it's like I love a good ritual, right? Like I'm a cult leader. We all saw in the photo. And I just like I love a ritual that reminds me of this like esoteric world I prefer to live in. Like down here on earth, boring. but like when I go up into like with my spirit guides and the whole realm of angels like that's where I prefer to be it's kind of fun it's like the teeth it just reminds me when I have like a little piece of the people I love what they're gonna throw where do they put teeth anyways what do you throw them in the toilet yeah where do you like when you take your kids teeth tooth fairies out there.

1:05:43Where do you put them? You send them to Kesha. You send them to me. Cause like, where else are you going to put them in the trash? Have you ever gotten anyone that you're like, Ooh, I got to throw this one out. It's a little. Oh, I've gotten crazy ones and I live for it. I'm currently trying to like design a coffee table and the center. I want to just be a bowl of all the teeth. So for real, if people want to send it to me, this is actually like art I make out of it. I live for it. You're literally the toothberry. I know.

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1:08:18Boom. I'm just, I'm shopping away. Okay? That can be your life to build your store, own your audience and create something that lasts. Start now at Shopify dot com slash daddy. I know you once broke off an engagement. What led you to that decision? Because that must have been tough. It was really hard. It was during I was in litigation. It was covid. the legal bills are like coming in hot and like aggressively at a time where I could not tour and I'm engaged to someone who is a beautiful person but quite frankly I just didn't see us growing together and I think to be honest with you there have been many people that I've dated that have felt one way or another about what I do for a living.

1:09:16And it's like, my fans are the love of my life. Like, they really are. Like, it's my longest relationship I've ever had. And we've grown up together. And they've shown up for me. They stood outside the fucking courthouse. Like, like my fans and my music, it's like, it's my life's work. And, and I've had not him so much, but like a little bit and other relationships that almost like will neg because maybe they are, I don't know what they feel about it, but they feel a type of way about what I do. And I just realized, especially in my freedom and independent era and like sovereignty that like I only want a partner again, going back to like really wanting like a partnership that can visionary our life together.

1:10:11And I want them to be like, baby, be fucking bigger. Be even more. I want you to eat your healthy omega three fatty acids to feed your fucking gorgeous brain. Like that's the partner I want. Like take your magnesium, you sexy bitch. He just wants you to keep fucking climbing and taking over instead of being like a little wiener in the corner being like, you're outshining me or you're getting too big. And you're like, you just can't have someone holding you back. But I think a lot of women feel like maybe I am too much. And I also think what's so admirable about that decision, regardless of the person, I think a lot of people can relate.

1:10:52Like when you get engaged, I think there's such a it's such a feels like it's such a beautiful time in your life. But there are a lot of people who recognize like, oh, my God, almost making it more finalized made me realize maybe this isn't what I want. And there's so much fear, I think, of ending it, whether like you already posted on Instagram that you're engaged. So like this is going to be so embarrassing if we call it off or people publicly know about it or the families or whatever. Like, how did you deal with the emotional weight of knowing you wanted to end something, but also knowing optically, like, there's so much also that comes with that type of fallout?

1:11:31I think that like since we're speak for myself since I was a little girl yeah I have seen many movies read many books there are many stories about how one of my life's greatest missions is to find my soulmate my missing piece the person that will complete me and really like give my whole life meaning. And I realized, you know, going from being not free and not sovereign to sovereign and free, that I would really like to challenge that and feel whole and complete on my own.

1:12:18And ending something with someone is always difficult, especially if you love them, especially if you've integrated your life with their family. But I think kind of going back to the samurai piece, like your gut is going to tell you if you are with the right partner. And my gut became unavoidable. And I had to weigh the option of honoring myself or doing something that is, it's horrible to break up with someone you love. It's so difficult. And I have so much love for him and his family. They're beautiful, beautiful people. It just, I just didn't feel like we were growing in the same direction.

1:13:04And like, I'm wildly ambitious. And he was more comfortable. He was more satisfied, which I'm not saying that one is better than the other. I actually sometimes wish I could just be more satisfied and chill. It just didn't match. It just didn't. It wasn't a match like at the end and it was really difficult, but we're still friends and I had so much love for him. He's a really good person. I love that. And I think also just women listening, that's such a good testament to like when you deny what you're feeling in your gut, it's never going to go away. You can put band-aids on it. You can ignore it, but like you're only just prolonging the pain more and more.

1:13:42And so although sometimes making a really, really hard decision in that moment can feel excruciating and uncomfortable, you're then already in the process of moving forward with what you know and you're got you're supposed to do. And the more that you avoid it, you're just going to continue to live a life where like you're not being authentic and honest to yourself. And that will eat you alive inside. And it's kind of not fair to the partner that you're with. They deserve to be with someone also that is wholeheartedly in it with them. And so sometimes it really is the selfless thing to do as much as it feels selfish in the moment.

1:14:16Well, it's interesting, this idea of selfish versus selfless. And I think self-care really does include honoring yourself and your highest good because we each have that over ourselves. So to try to people please to remain in relationship with someone, it is actually quite unfair to both of you. And you have one life like you are born into this life with your one life. And I hope that everyone out there finds exactly what they want in this life. Like you deserve that. And and if you go down a road like you can begin again every fucking second of every day. it is never too late like i am 39 years old and i just went on the biggest tour of my life almost 20 years after my biggest song came out like and to get there my fucking god was that a road it was a difficult road but i had to honor my truth i had to honor myself i had to go through what I went through to get there.

1:15:30I had to break up with someone I love. I still love. And I'm so grateful for. I had to have all my fucking medical records on the internet. I had to have the ugly filler phase. Like I had to have all these things that were so intolerably painful at the time. And I can sit here and talk to you and be so grateful I went through them because I feel so free. And I just, I want that for like everyone. I want everyone to really feel in their authenticity and like connected to their highest version of themselves. I'm so happy for you. Like everything you've went through it. That's why I think so many people love you.

1:16:14Not that you should have had to go through it, but like you sitting here, I mean, you have new music out, your new single origami. Like I want to talk about it. Cause it's like, what was the inspiration behind this song? Yeah. I have a new song coming out called Origami and it is, I am having a fun time immortalizing this reclaiming of my sexuality. The past like year and a half, two years, I'm reclaiming myself. And part of that is my sexuality. And this is a song that's about, you know, bend me, twist me, how you want me, baby mate me, origami.

1:16:56In Italy. You know, just in Italy. Is there an album that would be coming with this as well? I'm trying to figure it out because my God, there are a lot of songs. You said you always do like a hundred. Lots of songs are happening at all times. You're writing. I'm writing all the time. I mean, my God. So like TBD, exactly what form it's going to be in. But there is a new song that's like so cunty. And it's really fun. And it's just like celebrating being in your body. And quite frankly, like having so much fun again in my body at 39 years old, having gone through hell and back and I'm having the best time.

1:17:47And I feel like I got to sing songs about it. Absolutely. You are going on the Freedom Tour this summer. Yes. What can fans expect from that? Well, so. I kind of was I had all this. my story my trauma was like trapped in my body and I did a psychedelic assisted therapy that was really helpful for me in my anxiety and I kind of was like how can I tell the story how can I ever get this all out of my body and my body was like bitch you have you have you're playing the forum what are you talking about it's like no but I can't say the whole parts of the story. Like I can't talk about it. And my leg was like, put it in the show.

1:18:36So I tell basically my life story through my life's work. And that's why it's the Freedom Tour. Wow. Because I go through like, I go through the story in the only way that I can through my life's work. And the goal is to create love for myself, love with my community, and to really walk through this world in like freedom and sovereignty. So beautiful. Yeah. And it's like gay church. Let's go. Let's go. It was the first time I've ever headlined MSG. Congratulations. Thank you. What did that feel like? Well, first of all, it was sold out. Girl. I can't. How did you feel just like chilling in your dressing room before, Hearing everyone screaming Cassie Ventura sends me this massive bouquet Of these beautiful pink roses Before I go out on stage That sweet angel I have chills all over my body talking about it Oh I know And my whole family is there And it is sold out Oh my god And I just can't tell you like Feeling Cause Cassie was in the room When I recorded the song TikTok talk yeah oh so she's been there since day one yeah wow yeah oh wow and then everything you guys have both individually been through with horrific unimaginable situations to then now be on the other side of it and both be able to be together i don't want to speak for you but like i'm seeing you like smile and nod and all of it.

1:20:13It's like, whoa, how emotional was that? Oh, like

1:20:23so. And like, she just had a baby and she seems to be doing so well. And I'm so happy for her. It like feels so good to witness that. And I'm sure she feels the same about you. I know it's just like such a moment and it was like one of the most special nights of my life because there's this like hard curfew at MSG and if you go over one minute it's like a very bad it's a big big trouble and the crowd literally started cheering and like didn't stop for I think it was like 10 or 11 minutes to the point where everyone's freaking out in my in ears being like you have to start the next song you're gonna get getting tackled off this day you're fired from new york city forever and i just was like no this is like i have waited for this kind i felt i was like i'm not stopping them there's no fucking way i sat alone in my house and like truly questioned the point of living any longer for almost a decade.

1:21:32And I'm going to stop them cheering. Charge it to the card, baby.

1:21:41It's worth it. Oh, I can't even imagine. Did you feel in your body in that moment? I literally felt like my heart. People like say heart chakra, whatever it was, I felt my literal heart. It felt like someone was tearing the fascial tissue apart. And I literally felt my heart open in a way that I don't think I've ever felt anything like in my entire life. And it was so that's what I was saying to you earlier. Like the fans, I hope had an amazing time this summer, but I don't think they're ever going to really be able to understand what that did for me. like that night alone was it was like a turning point in my life is one of the greatest nights of my entire life I can't even imagine what's so beautiful about the industry because I know there's so much pain obviously that it's brought you but for you to be able to do the thing that you love so much and that you're so passionate about you're so talented and do it and get so much fulfillment and healing out of it, but then also to simultaneously be giving such happiness also to your fans.

1:22:56You're being able to do both at the same time. What a beautiful gift that you're giving everyone and yourself included because you should put yourself first right now at this time in your life. But the fact that putting yourself first means you want to get on that stage and that's your healing process. I can only imagine what your fans feel in the crowd. Like they must feel that from you. Well, I mean, God, they were there at the beginning and we were having fun. And then a bunch of shit happened. And it was like, was sad and hard. And like, now I'm like, now let's celebrate like that. We also have each other in this life.

1:23:35It might be an unusual form of community, but like, that's my community. I've been doing this for a long time. And half of the time, again, unfortunately, you shouldn't have to go through it. But when you go through harder shit, it brings you even closer to the people that you love because you can be like it. It's that much sweeter that we get to stand here and say I'm free and we get to enjoy it that much more because we felt it almost be taken away. Yeah. Wow. And I do think that's like the art of writing a book. OK. And it's called The Alchemy of Pop. It's not going to be ready for a while.

1:24:11Okay. We'll be waiting. It's going to be great, but it's going to take me a while. But it's all about alchemizing your experiences in this life. Anything that happens to you, I have found that I can take it and I try to alchemize it into something that can help someone else somehow. And to your point, that's what I've tried to do with my experiences in life. I try to put them into a song. It helps me. And then I really hope it helps other people. last two questions. I feel like I could talk to you for nine hours. How would you describe this current era of your life that you are now in and continuing to like enter into?

1:24:53I think I'm just so, for the first time in a long time, I feel so safe in my body and in the world. And I know that's maybe a crazy thing to say because the world is crazy. But it's the first time that I've ever felt this. And so I would like to create safe places for people, whatever that means. So I'm just really open to the universe. I would love the universe to show me like, what is the best way to do that for other people? Yeah. Because it was like, yeah, to feel safe is everything. And I would love to help other people feel safe. Yeah. So I'm like open to what that means. but that's I'm in a place where I feel very grateful to be alive and to have lived through what I lived through and to feel safe and now I would like to help pay that forward wow yeah for fans who have been with you since day one what message would you want to leave them with today I literally, truly, though, you're actually the love of my life.

1:26:29Like, I think about all these silly goose men come and go. My animals. Like, I'm so grateful. And I'm sorry your mother has had lots of phases. You're like, girl. Thank you for loving me through all of them. And I just, I'm so, I'm so lucky. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. And I'm just like very, I'm just so fucking grateful. And I want to just continue to create safe spaces for you to come and be like authentically as fucking weird as you want to be. So hopefully I'll see you on summer tour and like be weird. be so weird I feel like I can speak for everyone when we say like we love you so much and we are so happy that you are at a place where you do feel safe in your life because you deserve it more than anything and I am so happy for you and your career all that you've accomplished we could have sat here for hours and talked about every single song you've ever released every single tour you've been on every single thing you've accomplished like there's too much and it's so crazy.

1:27:43Like it's still going and it's still coming. And I'm just so happy for you. You're such a beautiful, interesting, intelligent person. And I'm so happy I got to sit down with you. Like, I never know what to expect. Like this is why I love my job. I get to sit down and I think I know from researching, but you're even more incredible than I could have ever imagined. So, and thank you for your time. Cause I know you haven't done a long form interview in a really long time. Yeah. I don't think I've done it since I got out of litigation. So thank you for making me feel safe. It was my absolute, absolute honor.

1:28:18Thank you. Well, creating a safe space allows us to be silly geese. And that is the goal, honey. Kasia, thank you for coming on Caller Daddy. Thanks for having me.

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