Lauren Graham: Lorelai, Love, & Life Lessons

0:11Lauren Graham, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much. I am such a fan. This is so epic and so fun. And I think that my fans, the daddy gang, are going to freak out that we're in the same room. That's really, really nice of you to say. Thank you. I'm excited too. How are you doing today? Listen, I was running a little late. It's raining in California, which always freaks everybody out. But I'm otherwise good. No, everyone acts like we have to all stay home from work when it rains. It's like no one leave your house or none of us also can drive apparently. No, everyone gets very stressed out and it's hard to, but it also looks really pretty and you know, it makes the air feel healthier.

0:53True. Okay. You live in LA. What is the most LA thing about you and the least LA thing about you? Well, I live in LA and New York. I still have a place in New York that I've had for a long time. So I'm, I'm endlessly like asking that question. I think one extremely LA thing is to be really freaked out by like one inch of rain. And it is a thing to like really have long conversations about what freeway you took and why. And it's just very LA to be like, oh my gosh, it's 70 degrees. I'm freezing. Like that has become like now I go to the East Coast and I can't, I don't know how I ever lived there.

1:32I feel the same way. My parents recently have been like, Alex, shut the fuck up. You literally grew up in Pennsylvania. You went to school in Boston. You lived in New York. Yeah. Why are you cold? It's like 60 something degrees. I'm like, I need a I need like a parka. I think it changes your body to live here. I don't think it's our fault. I think that you just do become more of a wimp. I agree. But like, we're so fortunate to have this weather. Like, I want to stay in it forever. Yeah. And then the least L.A. thing about you. um i don't do yoga i try i've tried i'll try again i just can't people are like oh my god the yoga i don't know why i'm making impressions of my friends making them sound like ding-dongs but like yeah i can't do i don't know it's so slow and it's too slow i also can't do it i don't also do hikes as often as i probably should when everyone's like hiking but yoga I'm the same way.

2:21I'm like, and hot yoga. Yeah, truly fuck off. Right. Okay, when you aren't working, what is your favorite way to spend an off day? Well, I really have enjoyed because I worked for a big chunk of the year. And I'm, I'm in kind of a newish house that I haven't like gotten, I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time there. I really love doing very little. And my favorite thing about my house is I put because the I put the coffee machine where the bedrooms are on the bedroom level. So I get up, I get out of bed, I go to the coffee maker, I get back in bed. And I do like every New York Times puzzle. I'll read I'll like I just the luxury of not having a 5am call time is just really a wonderful place.

3:15You saying that just made me realize like we're all doing it wrong it's like why is my coffee machine on another floor we obviously you played historically like a character that was obsessed with coffee yeah what is your coffee order it's well it's gotten it's it's pretty it can be anything first of all i'll drink coffee from the gas station i don't care and and also i'll have like really coffee with like a lot of you know, footnotes on it, like can you and also, but the thing that I do around holiday time, so the coffee is just coffee. I like this vanilla creamer. And then I've started being this person, which is I have whipped cream in a can and I put whipped cream on top of my coffee and cinnamon.

4:00It's the best thing you've ever had. And the whipped cream was just like for holidays. I was Like, certainly no one can just have whipped cream on their coffee. That's just decadent. And then I just kept it from Christmas. It's so good. No, every time my husband sees me, he's like, you're making a milkshake. That's not a coffee. And I'm like, shut up. Watch yourself. I'm having a nice morning. Yeah. And he just drinks it black. And I'm like, you're insane. OK, wait. So then was that like a huge part that you just like randomly brought to Lorelai? Like, did you or did was that already written as the character?

4:32It was all written. It was all there. The coffee is, I mean, it's in the first episode, right? She goes and he's, you know, demands more coffee. And he's like, you've had enough. No, that was just there. And, you know, like it was one of the many kind of serendipitous aspects of that part and that time and that character is like we just shared a lot of traits. OK, I'm going to move my coffee machine upstairs. I don't know how I'm doing it, but I'm doing it.

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6:39So daddy gang, if you want to try it out, shop now at Sephora. Before your acting career took off, you worked a lot of different jobs. Can you share some of your favorite ones? I mean, none of them. They were all on the, you know, it's hard to do something in service of the thing you want to do, but you're not there yet. But I didn't hate being a waitress. I liked anything where you're moving and the time goes by really quickly. I liked being an apprentice at Summerstock, even though like during the day we had to like clean the bathrooms and paint the fence and stuff, work the box office. but that was just like we were all kind of in it together it was like a fun community I liked being a tutor I was a tutor for the SATs and stuff oh my god yeah wait that's a flex wait no Lauren that's like whoa it was a little bit sure I mean really the reason I got the job is because I had a car in New York City I and they were like oh we'll send her to far rock away or whatever but I like working with kids and and we weren't even that far apart in age I was like right out of grad school and I'm working with like high school kids so so they were all kind of okay I worked retail I worked at Barney's oh you did it all yeah um okay let's talk about Gilmore Girls okay I'm the biggest fan like I feel like I go back and forth it depends usually time of year I'm like it just is end of September it's about to be October boom hit it again and I just saw that according to Netflix, people spent 500 million hours watching the show in 2023.

8:25I'm like, oh, I'm 100 million of those hours. How does it feel to know that this show is still just so loved? It feels really good. And also, it's hard to comprehend. It's like, I feel really lucky I feel like um honored and um it's just kind of crazy I don't because where does it go from here like how many generations you know I feel like though it will have like it has this lasting power because the themes are so relatable and the world that was built is so genuine and safe feeling which I think like depending on what's going on in the world like for me like when I need a show that's going to make me feel good I'm turning it on and I think especially in the next couple years people will be like replay replay go back to episode one like I to me that may be like everyone has a different experience with it but like why do you think it resonates with so many people everything you just said I think it's a safe place to visit.

9:38And, you know, it's aspirational without being saccharine. I mean, this mother daughter relationship is really fun and positive, but it has its bumps on the road. But I do think it's the writing as well, which is kind of meets you sorry, meets you wherever you are. If you're a young person, you might miss some of the references and get some of the wit of it kind kind of as you get older, but I think there's a, it's almost to me, and this is what it was like performing it, it has a musicality to it. It's almost theater in a way, I feel like, how densely packed the dialogue is, but how kind of it takes you along like a song does, you know, and so I think it's something in your brain that, like playing a song again, like you can kind of listen to it again that's such an interesting way did it feel like that when you were it's like its own world essentially of what you guys have created can you explain the moment to me that you realized holy shit this show is a hit it there was no moment because it was a very slow burn and continues to be like like you know i remember driving i guess my window was down or something I was at a stoplight and like a more trucky driver guy was like, go more girls.

11:03And I was like, unlikely, sir. You're an unlikely, but I love it. And so it there it was a really slow burn. That is the best where you're like, not the demographic I thought we were hitting. You can't believe how many men are like, I know it's, you know, it's not for me or it's not designed for me. And I'm like, it is for you. You should start a support group. Like, you know, there's. Yeah. um okay one when you got the script initially what was your first impression like now in hindsight of Lorelai like in that moment do you remember I was really struck by the sense of humor in in the in the writing and that it was because you have to remember this was a we now have many more dramedies than we did then.

11:49And I don't even know. And even when the show started picking up steam and getting submitted for things, there was always a discussion every time of do we submit it in comedy or do we submit it in drama? It doesn't really, it is its own kind of thing. But it's that tone that I love the most. And it did not occur to me, although it occurred to many other people in my work life that she was a mom. Like, that wasn't the thing that struck me that because a lot of people then I was 30, I turned 32 on the pilot, I think, or right before. And people were like, don't play a mom. That's the end of your career.

12:30Like you should, you know, play whatever girlfriends, you know, until you can't do that anymore, or whatever, you know, that was more like play the the play the girlfriend and and I was like oh I don't think of this mom is not mom can be so many things you know and and I just really I recognized the language like like it was somebody speaking to me I was like I know that person well I love how you brought it to life though because even you saying that you're right I guess someone could read on a page and be like Lorelai is a mom But I'm like the way that she had this youthfulness about her, not even saying, yes, like you're young as a woman at this point and still.

13:12But it's like the energy you were bringing and her independence and her own storylines were so she was an individual and she was a mother at the same time. And I think you brought that to life. And it was very inspiring as a woman to watch that character because her life didn't just revolve around Rory, even though it revolved around Rory. And it felt very refreshing to see a single mother who had her own life and her career and her struggles like it. I loved it. Like I loved watching two women of different ages work together to this like common goal of trying to find happiness with each other and individually.

13:50I loved it too. And I think the aspect because you could have just stopped at the premise being, oh, she had her as a teenager. But it was also therefore allowed for them to have a more truly pure relationship except for when, you know, somebody needed to put their foot down. And we did it for each other in a way. And you buy it, I think, because that's the whole thing of the show. their friends who are also mother and daughter their mother and daughter who are also friends and yeah in what ways did you relate to Lorelai and like how does that work in a script where you're slowly learning more about the character and you're learning about yourself like what was the through line for you I'm trying to think now there was one in particular in the maybe first or second season where I was like are they are they just like stealing from my life like and it was probably in, I mean, of course there are some, besides I was not a mom, but many parallels of like dating, um, career, you know, setbacks, dealing with parents.

14:57I mean, it's just all relatable. Um, it, it is the wonderful evolution in television where the more the writer gets to know you, I mean, you're always playing, hopefully the best thing you can get in, especially a TV show that's going to go on is you want to be the voice of the creator of the show. You want to be that character who, you know, is them speaking through you kind of. That's where you get the most juicy kind of material. But also as they get to know you, they start writing for you even more. And that's really fun. Fun and scary where you're like, wait, no, you just heard me gossiping over here.

15:34How is that in the script this week? Get away. Yes. I've like sat with actors sometimes were like I had to like stop talking about my personal life because it was in the script and I'm like no. You always hear that about like sex in the city and friends and stuff. Yeah I felt that less on Parenthood where which I love that character I loved that show too but I would get frustrated on her behalf sometimes. I'd be like what can't she not have a win? Like what I mean she did have wins and and and had you know such a beautiful relationship to her that family too. Sarah Braverman. Come on, Sarah. Sarah needed more wins than Lorelai.

16:12Yes. Right. Different. Yes. Okay. What was it like the first time that you met Alexis, a.k.a. Rory Gilmore? Well, it was literally on our way to the table read because they had waited for me because I was on another show. So by the time they cast me, they were ready to go, ready to shoot. And we went to Canada and I met Alexis in the lobby. of the of the of the hotel and we just always really got along oh my god it's really lucky that is kind of incredible and also hilarious of like this relationship that we all feel like we grew up with whether people wished they had that relationship with their mom or they find similarities or differences and it was like such a heart string puller then it's like you're like We quickly met and then we got off to the races.

17:05It worked. What do you remember of like those first few scenes shooting with Alexis? Because like, did you feel the immediate chemistry? Were you guys trying to figure out your vibe together? No, I mean, I think we did just feel the immediate chemistry. You know, we are very different energies. She is a shyer, quieter person, which is perfect because I think if you had two loud me's, you'd not have a good balance. and I just really liked her and I she just had like a lot of natural ability okay I'm going to ask you some rapid fire Gilmore girl questions stars hollow is so iconic obviously what was your favorite place there um not the town hall because it was so hot in there always and it's like 50 people um you know Luke's was always fun the scenes in there were always fun um Um, it always just had a lot of like energy.

18:00I used to get phone calls from like my cousins who'd be like, how many times you're going around the gazebo? Like you've been like, we would just walk around the gazebo a million times. So, you know, you just get such a sense memory of all these places. Um, my house was always fun and the kitchen was always, we had good scenes in the kitchen. Um, it tended to be, you know, in the house where like we'd have some good watching TV, sitting on the couch with giant cheese puffs in front of us. So they were all really cozy. The damn town hall. I'm dead. Okay, which castmate is most like their character in real life?

18:37Kelly. Well, no. Gosh. Everybody is and isn't, you know. Like Kelly has that part of her. Okay. But she's warm. She's, you know, regal, but way warmer than Emily, who had warmth in there. Yes. Okay, what Lorelai line is most often quoted back to you? I mean, oy with the poodles already, I guess. That's good. That's good. Okay, Lorelai has some amazing outfits. Did you ever use your own clothes from your own closet? I think I did. I think that that Everybody Loves an Irish Girl t-shirt that was my introduction to Instagram. Yeah, guys, I haven't even been on it a year yet. Really was really waiting to just make sure it was going to stick.

19:27I think that was mine. And occasionally, but you know, you're going to work at five in the morning. And like, so I wasn't, I wasn't bringing in anything good. Also, like my clothes are not, her clothes are more fun than my clothes are not fun. So fun. okay what storyline was a little hard for you to get behind there's a year when alexis and i are in a fight rory and laurel i are in a fight for a long time and and we would talk about it and amy was like you know you can't do a show for this long and not have conflict but it i forget even what the conflict was but it went on for a while and that's the one that i would hear from people that they didn't they didn't like that i agree yeah which of rory's boyfriends do you think was the best fit for her in the long run.

20:11You know, you can't get me. I won't be gotten here or anywhere else. I'll never say. They were all a good fit for her at the time because there were a learning experience. Oh my God, you're so... That's the right answer. We all learn from even the frogs. You know, you're... The frogs. Okay, which of Lorelai's partners did you like the best? I mean, Luke is the right answer for sure. Yeah. Luke. Yep. Okay. You previously said you did not date Scott Patterson, obviously, who plays Luke in the show, but you did date a couple of the other guys on the set of Gilmore Girls. I know you're not going to tell me.

20:53Can I ask, though, was it anyone that Lorelai ever dated? Yes. And dating is a real big word for some of the experiences. But you know, you're there 14, 15 hours who else are you gonna meet no are you kidding me i love that for you um okay quickly want to go through some memorable scenes can you tell i'm a fan um i'm like hold on i hope i remember them i'm like wait just one more time no actually it's good if you don't like let's get through it okay i'm gonna give you a moment tell me what you remember any behind the scenes how you felt whatever it was okay when lorelai and rory get hit on by the same guy at luke's diner first scene of the pilot.

21:31Well, that really was the scene that was the hook of the show. Weirdly, or I had never seen that scene before in anything. And I thought like, that's really creative. That's a great way to introduce that these are, you know, people who are close in age. And I did sort of feel like that's the, I can still, I can remember it really well. You know, it was one of the first scenes if not the first scene we shot at Luke's diner I don't know I felt like that that was a really fun the kid playing the kid was really cute and Alexis was like are you my new daddy like speaking of call her daddy um and I don't know it was just really fun it was like the hook of the show it was amazing okay when Lorelai and Luke finally have their first kiss when was that you guys are like on the porch I think it was this season four finale you guys are on the we kiss that early season four you like pull away you're like what are you doing and he's like would you just shut up for a second and then he goes in that's so hot i know i don't remember oh it was so hot i like re was like rewind rewind yeah because like the build i love how you say that soon i'm like i was waiting that long day one day one okay when lorelei starts dating rory's teacher well i think we've learned both from lorelei and sarah braverman don't date your teacher's kid when I was getting ready for this.

22:51The kid's teacher, rather. No, I forgot about that. I was like, Sarah and Lorelai both dated. Doesn't work out. No, it does not. Okay, when Rory slept with Dean after he got married. She did? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I remember. I remember, I remember, I remember. Oh, I mean, there are these things where, yeah, that was bad. That was very out of character for her. It was, but sometimes you had to switch it up. Okay, when weekly dinners with Richard and Emily were the price for Rory going to Chilton? I mean, it's tough because I don't want to wreck anything for anybody. I loved those scenes.

23:27They were a real bear to shoot because somebody's eaten here and somebody's eaten there. Somebody's in here, you got to move the camera all the way around. And so they would take a really long time and you'd sit in front of that like fake fancy food and you know but we we would just that was also so key to the show to so you know so we we loved them while they took a long time I didn't even think about that as like when you're in production like you're like I'm which I guess could then kind of in a positive way like add to your annoyance exactly like shut up mom and you're like getting annoyed well and it and it does it's It's an interesting exercise in continuity because as, you know, the hours tick by, what's your emotional level?

24:15Where did your elbow go? So there was a kind of, you're right, like constraint in there or something that like you had to keep doing this the same exact way and yet keep it fresh. Which is kind of indicative of how you were actually supposed to be feeling while you're shooting that scene. So, okay, there we go. I used it in my work. Um, okay. You talked about how you did not realize that the season seven finale was the end of Gilmore Girls. And I cannot imagine emotionally just being like, see you guys tomorrow or see you guys next season. And then it ends. Like, what was that last day like for you?

24:49It was really emotional. We had our wonderful director, Lee Charlotte Schemmel, who was like, guys, you know, I'm going to do a shot at the end that mimics the shot that that is in the pilot that sort of pulls away from Luke's and we're like there in the diner. She's like, in case this is it. And the whole year had been really emotional. We were very lost without as good as writers we had that we were kind of lost without Amy and Dan. The show just didn't feel the same. We couldn't even it was like, what should we try to stay? Should we try to keep going like it? You know, and it's not up to the actors.

25:26So there were many, many, many conversations and it just did feel like you want to be able to say goodbye to something and we didn't get to do that. Obviously, the show came back for a revival. But like when you did walk away, how did you feel knowing like, wow, the Gilmore Girls era of my life is over? Well, it didn't happen until a few weeks later. There were still conversations going on. who knows how that decision ultimately got made but I was at a restaurant and the waiter came over and was like your agent's on the phone which was very dramatic glamorous I was like oh excuse me my agent's on the phone and I went and picked up the phone at the bar because I guess I don't know what was going on with cell phones then and or why he knew where I was or like why I don't know any of it but and he said it's over and I didn't know how to feel and I didn't know you know later different a couple different cast members said you know you didn't call me and I was like oh god I didn't wouldn't even have thought it was my job or my place to call anybody and tell them no and that's what I think is like nice though to hear because I think people would be like what do you mean you didn't know and you're like no I'm literally sitting there and I didn't know So you guys come back for the revival.

26:49What was it like playing Lorelai again? It just made me so happy. It's so, God, it just made me so happy. I was like on a little cloud the entire time. Because it was such an opportunity that you don't get very often to do a, not a do over, but like get to return to something with people feeling enthusiastic and you know it's gonna be completed you know it's not a pilot um it was just an incredible opportunity and i don't know everything about it was just it was the most probably fun i've had at work the show ended on a bit of a cliffhanger do you uh the bigot i was like wait what how are we wait Do you think that it could ever come back again?

27:39I think this is just my theory. I do not know. I'm this is how much I'm superstitious or in love with the show is like there are questions I could probably get an answer to that I have never asked. Like I never asked because Amy said from the beginning she knew what the final four words of the show were. She knew from the beginning and she didn't get to do it in season seven. that it had to wait until like she knew that was the the the those are the final words I never asked her I didn't even ask her when we were shooting that episode of the of the show I don't think I asked her until because it wasn't in the script because it's what mom I'm pregnant mom what I'm pregnant and she didn't put it in the script because she didn't want it to leak so she would she just told us when we kind of got there.

28:30And so it did feel like a cliffhanger. I think it was. I think maybe the thought was we would go into another season then, but I have never asked and I don't know. Why don't you ask? Because I don't know because I'm scared. I don't know. Because I guess I feel like if that didn't happen, was that like, I don't know. Like, I don't want to know. I don't want to see behind the curtain of like, did they not feel like doing it? Did Netflix not feel like doing it? Were they waiting? What were they waiting on? There's just a little bit of movie magic that I would like to maintain. That's fair. Yeah. Do you have your theories of who you think the father is?

29:12I do. Are you going to tell me? Well, there are two theories and either one, I'll just speak as a producer type now, could send the story forward. it could be the wookie who she uh fools around with in the in that storyline it could be logan and either way it's juicy either way it's juicy yeah that's fair i know some it could be some one night stand which then what does that do to her relationship to the guy she's maybe you know was gonna go down that path or it could be could be him this is good tea um okay you obviously also starred in another one of my favorite shows parenthood i can't tell you how many times i have re-watched that show really oh my god that's what i was gonna wonder is is that a re-watch in the way it's not in the same way but i don't hear that as much the people re-watch it different i have to really want a show and I that I want to like dive into and like feel something yes like I can't do that when I'm like stressed with work and I'm like oh I'm like Gilmore Girls when I I go through it like every few years yeah my mom and I will be like are you starting it again I'm starting it again you're starting it oh well then I'm gonna start it again you playing episode one tonight okay I'm playing and we like live on the opposite sides of the country so I'm like go go and then we like gush over it and it's the best um how would you describe your relationship with that cast well i mean just varied oh right yeah um and um but predominantly uh like just it was it was the most easy filming experience which you bond to some degree no matter what But when something's easy and you just have a lot of time to just sit around and chit-chat, that's just so fun.

31:16How lucky were we that we got to make this show where it was a very different way of working and it was a much looser kind of way of working. And they each have their merit and they each belong to the kind of show it is. And I just love everybody, truly. And in particular, I had the fortune of May and Miles being a child of mine adjacent. Incredible friendships that have lasted. And my friendship with Dax, I don't see him as much, but there's just some really wonderful people. every scene was so much fun to do um it was just really fun i was recently with dax and kristin and i was like dax can you just give me like 20 minutes just give me 20 minutes and kristin i apologize we need to talk about parenthood he's like ask me anything let's go i'm going one by one i'm like tell me this tell me because it's as a fan that world that was built of that family and the chaos and the beauty and the pain and the fun like you can't help but feel one parts of yourself and your own family in it yeah or two it really does kind of take you out of your own bullshit that you're dealing with and you're like oh this family is fucking insane i love it like but you also want to be a part of it.

32:53And there was such pride, I'll say, amongst the cast. Everybody in their own family unit really had their own thing and their own kind of language, their own way they did things. And, you know, so it was easy when we would all get together to have these sort of organic conflicts and, you know, ribbing and kind of fun. And like, it's a really good group. Okay, I know this is a little broad, but if you have anything that comes to mind, like looking back at your time on that show is there any memory or story or moment you can share with us that really sticks with you to this day when you like think back at that time of your life i mean there's there there is just a strange thing may whitman and i have which is like

33:40it's like we are speaking some twin language and there were many many scenes with her almost to the degree that I was like, this must stop. We cannot continue. I'd have a tiny little maybe tear in my eye. She'd be like, nope, nope, don't do it. Don't do it. And like, you know, I think of like when we're singing, playing guitar and stuff and like, you know, she improvised a line one day where she said, she said, you're my hero. And I'm pretty sure she just like came up with that and like it's just a weirdo kind of connection that you know we're having right now oh my god we're both about to start crying if you're listening to this we both have tears in our eyes oh my i was wondering like how much in parenthood and in gilmore girls are you kind of improvising certain more girls never okay and parenthood sometimes and you know but and both just have their merit

34:56in your early career the press would criticize you for being single and not dating how did those comments back then affect you oh god i mean always feels weird to be asked and many times i was lying because it's such a strange um thing to talk about which i still mainly don't talk about like something that you don't know what's going to happen i think some people are built for it some people don't find it personally vulnerable um and it was also i have to say it it wasn't my focus at the time so it felt strange like i'm a working person and i'm i'm in a career and like i don't know this was odd would you consider yourself a very private person or would you just consider the career that you're in too public?