Make Dating Fun Again

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0:39And sometimes a little spring cleaning, pick me up with Clorox Disinfecting Wipes is the best way to get back on track. Let me just say she's quick. She's easy. She's Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. Plus the lemon scent. Oh my God. You know what? It reminds me of my mom. My mom used these in our home growing up, no doubt about it. Our house smelled so incredibly clean and now I just have them in my house because it's tradition, right? My mom used it and naturally I use whatever my mother used. It is the best guys. A quick wipe down is one of the easiest ways to channel a little spring cleaning energy.

1:16The wipes are perfect also for multitasking so you can just get back to your day-to-day with ease and with a better vibe. Thanks to Clorox, we can have spring cleaning and they can get us through it, right? We don't need to stress. Thank you, Clorox. Okay, so shop Clorox Disinfecting Wipes now at walmart.com slash Clorox Wipes. Daddy gang, welcome back to another Sunday session. I am feeling really, really reflective heading into today's episode because, fun fact, tomorrow is Matt and I's two-year wedding anniversary, which means we will have been together for a total of six years, going on seven.

1:56That is like insane to say out loud. In some ways, I feel like we've been together our whole lives, but then another part of me is like still shocked that I'm married and I have a husband and I'm a wife. But as we're entering into this third year of marriage, I have been thinking a lot about the time before Matt and I ever met. obviously I feel so grateful and lucky to be in this phase of my life with him but I'm also really grateful for the time that I gave myself to just be single and on my own before we ended up together because even though being single can of course be extremely stressful and disappointing at times it can also be one of the most transformative and empowering phases of your life.

2:40And I am so happy now to be building this life with Matt, but I was really happy when I was single too. And yes, I know like being singled and being married are two wildly different experiences. But what I really want to emphasize today is that one phase is not more meaningful or important than the other. When Matt came into my life, I was really enjoying dating. I was meeting new people. I was figuring out what I liked, getting to know myself better, was building my career. And because of that, I think Matt and I were able to take our time and not rush into anything. And I think now looking back, that was such a huge part of why our relationship worked so well.

3:29Like I didn't need Matt. Matt didn't need me. We were both so centered and working on ourselves that it kind of was like, if this works out, great, but like don't really need you. And like I'm a very independent person. And if our lives naturally come together, great. But like kind of doesn't matter if it doesn't work out because I'm good on my own. And I think that was such a beautiful place to be in when I met Matt. And because of that, I do think that those early dating stages between us, they got to just be really fun. Like they were low stakes and we just both got to kind of be along for the ride and just enjoy ourselves.

4:07Why I'm bringing this up is because lately when I talk to my single friends or when I'm reading DMs that you guys are sending me for questions of the week, I feel like the experience that I got to have when I was single is very different from the experience of dating and trying to find your person in 2026. And weirdly, like I know it wasn't that long ago that I was single, like seven-ish years ago, but a lot continues to change with social media. And listen, I know it's like not exactly a hot take to say that dating apps have completely changed the way that we meet people, but for better or worse, they have taken a lot of the curiosity and the spontaneity out of the process of meeting someone new.

4:48There's obviously so many positives of dating apps, but that is one of the cons, right? And I can totally see how people might feel like the only option in today's dating culture is to meet your person on an app. But I also know that when you're single and your mentality is in that headspace where you're like, oh, I don't really want to be single anymore. Like, I just want to find a partner. Like I don't want to be going out to clubs and drinking and going to the bars and all of that. Like it's almost like you go on that drinks and you're like really hoping it's going to be amazing. And then it's like, and then like you go on the second date because you're like, come on, like maybe there's like something I missed.

5:29Like maybe he is better on the second date than the first. Then you're like, oh my God, this is worse than the first date. And then you end up ghosting each other. And like then the worst part, you're like, I have to start all over again because I just spent so much time in the apps. And then I got out of the apps and we started texting. and then I met him on the date and it was horrible. And now I'm back to the apps. Like that whole process I do want to acknowledge can make you feel a little numb. It's just the truth. You start to become numb to dating. And if you're anything like a lot of my single friends, then you're probably also at a place where like, you know exactly what you're looking for.

6:05Your standards are probably really high. You've done a lot of work on yourself, but every date you go on just feels like another disappointing job interview, another waste of time. And I think when dates start to feel like this chore that you have to check off your list, I think that we really then start to strip ourselves from the potential to actually have a lot of fun in the process of getting to know someone and being single and dating. And so I am here today, Daddy Gang, to try to bring a little fun back for you. OK, we're going to try to make dating feel fun again. And that is my mission for today's episode.

6:45If you have been feeling hopeless or overwhelmed with your dating life, then this episode is for you. I have not forgotten my single girls. Let's get into it.

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8:51And there is no account fees or overdraft fees. So you get to keep more of your money. You can also get your paycheck up to two days early. And when you sign up with eligible direct deposit, you can earn up to$300 welcome bonus, which we absolutely love to see. Okay. So if you're ready to get more out of your money, sign up for SoFi checking and savings at SoFi.com slash call her daddy. SoFi checking and savings is offered through SoFi bank and a member FDIC terms apply. The whole point of any romantic experience, whether it's a first date or a 50 year marriage is that it's supposed to make us feel good, right?

9:35Like why do any of us want a partner at all? Why do we deal with the ups and the downs of relationships? It's because at their core, they're supposed to make our lives more enjoyable than they would be just being on our own, right? And if you're single today, that means that all of the best relationship milestones are still ahead of you. The first sleepover, the big first I love yous, the first trips together, like all of it, meeting the parents, meeting the friends, like there are so many firsts ahead of you that I promise you your friends and long-term relationships are probably jealous that you still get to look forward to.

10:13Like if I could rewind and relive some of the early dates that Matt and I went on and some of those early moments, like I would because you can't recreate that feeling, right? The early dating stages can be truly the best time of your life if you do them right. and yes I obviously know that dating intentionally means you probably feel the pressure and the timelines and expectations that I am not ignorant to but I also know that like anything in life when you get so fixated on the outcome it can completely negate the enjoyment that we get to feel along the way we're putting too much pressure on ourselves and so I think it's time to lean back into those, you know, the warm, easy, middle school feelings when all it took to make your entire day was just like your crush complimenting your ugly gauchos and being like, damn, Becca, you looking good in those.

11:13And you're like rolling your windows down, blasting. What is the song? Like suddenly I see. And you're like, hey, oh, things are turning around. Like you're so happy. I think that's the energy we need to start to channel being in this year if you are single. We are going to, that is what we're going to do. So I want to start at the very beginning. You're like, what do you mean we're starting at the beginning? I'm not abandoning you guys. Like we're getting into the weeds here today, okay? So we are going to start with flirting. I'm not going to teach you how to fucking flirt today. You all know how to flirt.

11:47But I think, in my opinion, as a society, we are losing the art of flirting. And I refuse to let that happen, okay? Flirting has turned into story likes, fire emojis, swiping right, maybe a DM if we're getting a little crazy. No, okay? In person, somehow flirting has become a rare art form. I literally was reading, please guys, let me read this to you. A recent study at Date Psychology found that 45 % of men ages 18 to 25 have never approached a woman in person for a date.

12:34I just like, I don't understand. What? What? Like I remember stories like my mom being like, oh my God, your dad would like call my home phone and like my parents would pick up being like, hi, who are you calling for? Like you, like you had to call home phones. Okay. To like get your day. And like, like this is like, people would be there and listening and like, you have to like go to their house, like knock on the door, bring the boom box. Meanwhile, it's like double winky face, sexy. Oh, you're so fucking done. You're so fucking done. I think this is what we're going to have to do. Listen, we could do a whole episode on how depressing it is and how men have just like shriveled up to like almost nothingness, right?

13:20That can be another episode. But that's not for today. We're trying to stay fucking positive here. So if the men are going to be annoying losers, we need to take matters into our own hands, okay? I remember back when I was single, I used to go up to seriously like any guy that my friends or I thought was hot at the bar and I would just start flirting with him. And listen, yes, sometimes it didn't go exactly as I planned. But like there were so many instances where I immediately walked right back to my friend group and I was like, OK, that that he's not the vibe. He looked hot, but he's actually a fucking loser.

13:57On to the next. But like, who cares if you go up and you got rejected? Who cares? Like I let me just tell you this story. OK, take me back to Brahmin. Oh, my God. I wonder if it's still open. Okay. We're in like 2016. The year is 2016. I am in college and I am at a bar in the peak of winter with a bunch of my girlfriends on the soccer team. And we are in tiny little bodycon dresses with thick heels. And we have like shawls on, like we don't even have fucking coats because we're like, I can't afford to lose my fucking coat. Cause like I I can't pay for another coat. So you just freeze your ass off in line, okay?

14:38We get inside of Brahmin and it is just heaven. There's men everywhere. And all of us are like giddy. We're like, who should we go up to? Like, who should we like try to like make friends with and make out with and get guys to buy us drinks? And all of a sudden, and this has like kind of never happened to me in my life, but all of my friends and I see this man across the bar and it literally felt like there was like a shimmering light above his head. It was like a movie moment. we were all like genuinely that is one of the hottest men I've ever seen he had like kind of longish hair with like a beard and he had like big muscles but he was like wearing like a beanie and like he had a suit on and I was like he's either like a surgeon or an athlete like I can't tell which one like he either just like finished a game or like finished open heart surgery either one let's bang and so all my friends are like that's literally the hottest guy and everyone's like who's gonna go up to him who's gonna go up to him like someone has to go up to him like what if he has friends?

15:33What if it's a connection? And we're all sitting there and all of my friends are like, no, like we're too young. Like we're just like fucking losers in college. Like don't, I'm not even, and I just leave my friends because we don't have time to worry what people are going to think about us. I go up to the bartender. I say, do you have a pen? She's like, bitch, do you want a tequila shot? I'm like a pen, honey. I get a pen. I take this napkin. I write my number and my a fake name because at the time I was thinking that every single person was an underage cop that was like a little trigger of mine because I was obviously underage I was like oh like don't want to like fully give my name because if they asked for my ID my name was Catherine I had my sister's um ID it's a whole thing whatever so my name was Catherine I'm at the bar I write Catherine I write my number I go up to this man I just beeline it he's under his glimmering light looking sexy oh so gorgeous let's fuck and I say to him hi and he looks at me like who is this girl And I go, I just want to let you know.

16:30And I just like would kick myself if I didn't say this. I just saw you from across the bar and you're so fucking hot and I need to introduce myself. No pressure. Here you go. Call me. I start walking away. He grabs my arm. Oh, yeah. If you haven't had a hookup, just close your eyes, sit back, relax, and just let this one pretend it's you, okay? He grabs my arm. I turn around. This man is looking at me and goes, what are you doing? You can't open with that and then just walk away from me. I'm like, oh, oh my God. Like, oh, so excited it's working. He's like, what's your name? I'm like, Catherine.

17:10I'm like, oh, I'm gonna have to fix that later if this ends up going anywhere. We start flirting. Oh my God, are you here with friends? Yeah, ooh, my five girls over there in the corner. We turn, they're all like pretending to not be staring at us, slurping their drinks. I'm like, are you here with any friends? He's like, yeah, my two boys. I'm like, oh, what do you do? he's like we just got back from our game I'm like I was like an athlete hunter back then it's since obviously passed but back then oh I could get a rush I could get a rush it didn't matter really what you did if you threw the ball if you caught the ball if you hit the ball anything with the ball I was in and this happened to be a puck okay oh you guys know what I felt for hockey players back in the day, those butts.

17:55And so I then I'm like, oh my God, do you want to come meet my friends? Great. Boom. Done. His professional hockey player friends come over by all of my friends' drinks at Brahmin. We hang out. I get his number. He gets my number. We exchange. We text. We're good to go. And then I have a date with him. Then I obviously can spare you the details of then when I showed up and he was like, continue to call me Catherine. And I awkwardly had to tell him like, I'm not 21 years old. He still was interested in me. Is that weird? Maybe, but we'll get into that later. Anyways, the point is, okay, shots, drinks, athletes, fun, men, dicks, vaginas.

18:35Everyone was happy that night because I was like, if this man rejects me, who cares? Who fucking cares if this man rejects me? Because I went up to a couple other guys at the bar, realized they were freaks and kept it fucking moving. But this man ended up giving my friends and I plans. And although it didn't work out with him, we only had a couple of dates, still was so fun, still made me feel alive, still got me a little oof down there. So I think the moral of the story is I could have given a napkin to 15 guys that night and been rejected by 14, but that is okay. It just takes one. Oh my God, what is that fucking quote from Cinderella story?

19:14like something of like, don't let the shot keep you from playing the game or something. I don't, that's not the quote, but you guys know what I'm talking about. Don't stop yourselves from believing in yourselves that who cares if you embarrass yourself, it's embarrassing for them to be so socially awkward that they can't like engage in a conversation with you and not be a fucking dick. Right. You know what I mean? I know you're all looking good. You're feeling good. Go for it, daddy gang. And when it does click with someone and you go up and you flirt with a guy, let me just tell you and he flirts back and you just like allow like that chemistry to flow and the banter is bantering you're touching his arm he's touching your arm buying you drinks you're getting his number it is so much fucking fun like that thrill in your body you're like I am on fire I'm on fire like even if nothing comes after that night it's also just so much for you right like that energy of like giving yourself confidence of like oh my god I can totally do this and the only thing between you and having that moment with a hot guy at the bar is just one getting over the fear of rejection to getting the fuck out of your house and three getting off your phone and actually being down to like go up to someone and be like if they reject me it's fine but I'm gonna just go for it okay okay are you with me are you gonna think about me and brahmin with the man under the sun okay guys I also know it's like a lot easier said than done and also like weirdly why did I have so much confidence in college but like I get it like now when you're out of college it's like you overthink things.

20:41I get it. But I do think we need to start just like if you have wherever you were your highest peak in confidence, get back to that stage. I found an article. Okay, guys, we are we're not only talking about dicks over here. We're educating the masses here on Call Her Daddy. And don't you ever fucking forget it. I found an article on NPR called The Key of Flirting, It's Not About You by Andrew Limbong and Andy Taggle. I want to share their advice. Okay, let's read this. One way to ease the fear of rejection is to view flirting as being more about the other person than about you. We get a much better result if instead of trying to get others to make us feel good, we actually concentrate on making them feel good.

21:34This takes care of lingering self-doubt that actually presents itself as questions such as, what if they don't like me? A lot of flirting is driven by a focus on the endgame, maybe trying to get someone's number or buying someone a drink. This goal-oriented way of viewing flirting isn't that helpful, but we're so used to flirting as a means to an end to the relationship escalator, which is the idea that you date someone, enter into a relationship, get married, have kids, live happily ever after, etc. But if you remove that goal, you'll hopefully instead just be looking to create a mutually pleasant experience.

22:09Instead of any preconceived goals, aim for a few minutes of pleasant conversation. That's much more manageable and can help ease the pressure of any possible rejection. if all you're hoping to do is make someone else feel special for a bit you really realize you actually can't lose open with a question then test and assess how they're reacting to you remember that flirting isn't about hitting any preconceived target other than helping someone else have a good time okay i agree and disagree with this article like i don't want you guys going in there being like todd tell me everything oh my god todd that's amazing okay wait todd tell me more like and you're like okay I literally just had the worst fucking date of my life but I agree in the sense of like stop getting in your own head like just try to connect with the person and what I love about that advice is that it completely takes the pressure off of this big moment with someone like maybe they flirt with you or maybe they don't but it doesn't actually matter if you reframe the interaction as just being about having a nice conversation like shift the flirting mentality from worrying like do they like me do they think I'm hot are they having a good time like that is going to be such a game changer for your headspace when you are approaching someone rejection is going to happen it is inevitable it comes with the territory but like everything in dating that's just a numbers game okay you also never know what's going on in a person's head and rejection usually isn't even about you like you have to keep in mind maybe this guy is out drinking because his fucking dog just died and he's really sad so you hitting on him being like come here often he's gonna be like no but my fucking dog said in his head but he's not gonna say that and then he's just gonna be a dick to you okay that's the reason he was dick but you would never know that like if the person you go talk to isn't into it then just move along to the next like all you're looking for here is just like a fun chat and if someone can't provide that then goodbye to them.

24:11We're moving on to the next. Okay. Let's just have fun. No stakes. No nothing. Like enjoy yourself. What a concept. Let's start there because clearly we are, we are bare fucking minimum right now, guys. These men are giving us nothing. And if you're like, Alex, no, that is, it's just too scary. Like I just, you know, I want to sit in the corner and like wait for a man to come up to me. Then maybe let's start with a lower stakes situation. Okay. I want you to just start by engaging with other normal human beings everywhere you go. I understand again, this is like, what do you fucking mean, Alex?

24:50Like, of course I interact with human beings on a daily basis. Do you though? Like, I'm not saying I want you guys out there flirting with everyone in the world. I just mean truly practicing being more open in the mundane daily moments of your life. When's the last time you complimented someone in line at the coffee shop? when's the last time you striked up a conversation with your co-worker in the kitchen okay while they're toasting their bagel chat with the person sitting next to you on the airplane okay I already regrets giving that example not for too long okay read the fucking room chat to them before takeoff and then shut the fuck up because it's my worst nightmare someone's trying to talk to me while I'm on a plane I'm like oh you're gonna be chatty today headphones on shut the fuck up but you know what I mean?

25:34Like I'm saying that you need to build up that social muscle when you're in situations with zero stakes so that when you meet someone you're actually interested in, it's not as intimidating to get the ball rolling. And let me be so clear. I know this sounds maybe so fucking stupid and simple, but I promise you it's not at this point because social skills have become something that we do need to practice at this day and age. Okay. Social media has completely taken over all of our brains, all of our world. We literally sit there and scroll and we feel like we know people and we feel like we understand people and we're like, oh, I know her.

26:09Oh, I follow her. You don't know any of these people. Even if it's your friend. No. Did you call her? Have you texted her in a while? If not, you don't know any of these people and you're just like playing a video game. OK, I feel like we used to be able to actually talk to a wall. I guess I am still sitting here alone talking to a wall right now. But you guys know what I mean? Like, I feel like I could back in the day make small talk with anyone but even now I realize like I'm out in the world sometimes and I'm like oh my god am I being awkward like I'm having like weird like is that a weird interaction because I'm on my fucking phone all the time like even just with a barista or something like I find myself being so in moments awkward and I'm like Alex I need to put my phone away I need to stop being obsessed with social media and watching everyone's lives like touch grass or I don't know go talk to someone face to face okay like close enough that you can see the pores in their face I just think technology has changed the way that we interact with the world around us and it's it's not our fault because that's just what's happening around us but it is then truly on us to retrain our brains of how to engage with someone face to face especially when it comes to dating and I know it sucks trust me like I'm so jealous of my parents.

27:25I'm like the way that your generation had it, like the romance and the build and the in-person meetings and the, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Take me back to the notebook days. Like their biggest problem was like they couldn't get in touch with each other. Oh, oh, little mystery, a little, oh, like it's not even ghosting. It's just distance. Oh, like, yeah, yeah. And now it's like we're on Snapchat talking to each other. We're on Snapchat, but we'll never meet up. We're just going to Snapchat until this whole thing fucking lingers and then dies out. No. If you are messaging a man on Snapchat, knock it off.

28:05We're done. We're fucking done. Okay? I think it's just helpful to work on that social muscle so that you're ready when there is someone that you're actually interested in. You're like, oh my God, here we fucking go. So let's say you do meet someone in person. Let's start there, okay? What a concept. We meet someone that we actually like, and they're not a complete loser, and they're not a complete psychopath. Then you're able to strike up conversation with them, and it feels like things are going well from there, right? Classic flirting, boom, like we're ready. But remember, if someone cannot hold a fun conversation, that is not a reflection of you as a person.

28:42And when it clicks and the vibes are there, try not to worry so much if you're being funny enough or if you're being cute enough if you're being hot enough like the fun of it is just being just be present in the moment be your fucking self okay so now we're leaving our cages we're leaving our dungeons we're seeing the sunlight we're meeting men we're out there okay the next stage that I want us to discuss is the one that is inevitable it is important to something that I know a lot of you may absolutely dread but I promise it has the potential to be a night you will never forget let's get into a first state.

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