My Husband’s Insane Birthday Request

30:29Like we're just going until we get there. This was more of like, we took the scenic route and every other minute this train was really, and we would be walking down the hallway and all of a sudden, um, there would be a little, um, motion to boot and I would be like, Oh, and I'd fall back and I'd hit Matt. And then we start getting ready for dinner. This is where it really hit me. I decide I would like to put on a little makeup. Here's the thing. What would, what would I say? The demographic, the age demographic, um, was on this train, let's just say Matt and I were about three, three to, well, I would actually say we were about four decades younger than everyone that was cruising on this train.

31:16Okay. Every single person was about 70 years old or pushing 80. And we were the youngest by far on this train. So we were really, we were bringing that youth. And I was like, you know what? I still want to look cute, even though I don't know if I need to impress the grannies. I want to be one with the people and I want to look cute for dinner because what I have been told you guys is on this train, it is elaborate. It is lavish. It is beautiful. It is an experience. And some people, again, you could get on a, just to give you guys context, we could have gotten to Paris in an hour on a, on a plane, but decided to take the 18 hour route to Paris on the train.

31:56So it's an experience, You know, it's not the fastest route. It's, it's clearly not the easiest, but it's the most beautiful. They say, they say, who's they Matt? I start getting ready and I go into the bathroom. Our bathroom was similar to that of a bathroom on an airplane. So you are tight quarters, you know, shoulders are cozying up to the door and you don't have much room to move. when I get in there there's no windows and I had built I had truly been building on my motion sickness for quite some time and the minute I got in there and started to try to fucking fix my eyebrows the train starts jolting we're jolting we are I am smashing the door my eyebrow is now at my fucking hairline at the top of my head I've drawn an entire line I'm like what the fuck is going on?

32:52And in that moment, the jolting and me not being able to see outside, not having a mirror and me focusing so hard on my face, I'm moving, I'm moving, everything starts to spin. And I immediately know, oh my God, I have hit the threshold where like, I am so fucking motion sick right now. I could cry, like, get me off this fucking train. I immediately tell Matt, put down the window, put down the window. I go back into our cubby where there is a window. He puts it down. I shoved my head out the train. I'm like, fucking Matt, what the fuck? He's like, oh, I forgot you get motion sick. I'm like, oh, fucking did you?

33:27I am like on the verge of tears, but I'm like, it is Matt's birthday dinner. Like I got to get it together. I got to get it together. And I say, give me a nip. He hands me a vodka nip. I fucking chug this vodka nip because I'm thinking like maybe alcohol. I don't know really, you know, I don't know what I was thinking. I thought maybe alcohol could bring me to the light in like a different direction. Like make me woozy, but in a different light like oh vodka hitting me you know what I mean like you know how people tell you like carbonation when you're feeling nauseous can like really hit you like ginger ale or like have a coke maybe that's that that's what I probably should have done but I went for the vodka okay but then we go to dinner and we are walking down the corridors of these cars and it is swaying it's swaying everything is moving and we are moving and it's swaying it's swaying and I am like I am on the verge of a mental breakdown because I'm starting to get claustrophobic you You know, I'm starting to feel like I don't like this game.

34:19I don't like this game at all. And I don't really want to be here anymore. We get to dinner and every single fucking 80 year old man is in a mother fucking black tie suit. There is a man in a three piece suit. There is a man in a general's outfit and he has completely been retired. He said for 30 years, but he wanted to pull it out of the closet to really show his wife. It was actually really cute. And Matt is in just like a button down and he's like, fuck, I guess I thought I was too dressed for a train. We didn't dress up enough. You're literally supposed to wear a fucking entire three piece suit to this motherfucking thing.

34:53Okay. And so we sit down and I'm like, Matt, I can't. It was a beef Wellington.

35:01There was an option. What is beef Wellington? There was an option of beef Wellington. And then there was the option. it was a um it was a uh no it was something white fish it was it wasn't a sea bass it was something it was something that I didn't want to fucking put my mouth on so I looked at Matt with heavy heavy eyes and a heavy heart and I said you going for the beef wellington and he goes no baby okay listen I know you're really struggling let's get you a martini and let's just get some caviar. And I said, thank you. Let's get some caviar bread, butter. And maybe we split, we asked them like, do you have a steak?

35:43Like, do you have anything? They're like, yeah, yeah. We have a steak. We have a steak from lunch that we didn't end up getting great. Okay. So we end up ordering and I am downing my vodka because what ends up coming to my mind is like, I'm so fucked. I cannot get off this train. I cannot fucking fix this. It's too late to take Dramamine. I'm an idiot that I didn't take a Dramamine earlier. So all I can do now is try to subsidize. Like, how can I make something stronger than my motion sickness get so fucking belligerent and blackout to the point where I'm like, I'm a little woozy dizzy from the booze, you know?

36:20And so one martini after another, one martini after another, I'm fucking lit you guys. And honestly, like I felt great. All of a sudden I didn't feel motion sickness anymore. I was kind of thriving. I was feeling good. And I have a little video playing. This is how, you know, I was so blackout. I never want to like, um, if I'm in public, I'm like in those situations. Um, unless it's like an event with the daddy gang, like I'm not going to like naturally try to like just draw attention to myself in a public setting unless I'm like meeting you guys. And we're like, oh, let's rage together. When I was with the seven year olds, I was like, you know, I, I'm just going to let them have their fun.

36:53Like we're, I'm already so fucking lit. But then a mariachi band came in. I don't think it was a mariachi band actually, but it was a man with a guitar and another man with like a saxophone, I think it was. And they come in and I'm again, like, I'm not feeling my best on a little bit of a merge of a, I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. So I'm just like leaning into everything. Do you know what I mean? When things just get so funny and you're like, I am about to cry laugh. So I have to just like lean into everything like over drink, over indulging, like smiling at the couple next to me. They literally probably thought I was a fucking psychopath.

37:23And then the man comes with the guitar and it's game over. You know, it's game fucking over. Do you guys remember when I told you. I have a thing for stages. Like remember when I said at the Uninwell event, oh my God, if I have a little liquid courage, put me on the stage. Something about music when I'm drunk, if it's live music, like I'm getting in there. Thank God I did not take any instrument out of any man's hand. But they start singing and I start clapping and I'm starting clapping. And I think Matt only got the beginning of it, but I start to really get into it. And all the old people are staring at me.

37:52I think they may have been entertained, honestly. People were, I think, liking that I was participating. But when I say that I also want to be really like self-aware that like, I don't know if they were liking that I was like clapping and singing and vibing, but I think I brought the vibes up. I honestly, I really do. I think the people were like, oh, this girl's making it so fun. And then I blacked out and I don't really remember what, what ended up happening for the rest of the dinner. But then Matt and I went to the bar and I kind of went from brown out to coming back in. And, and then I was also like, I don't know if I'm browned out from the alcohol or if I'm literally browning out from the fact that like, I'm gonna pass out I'm so fucking dizzy finally Matt and I get back to our room after we go to the bar for another drink and I'm feeling sauced up I'm feeling good and Matt and I are fucking hammered I'm dying laughing like all these old people keep coming by our door being like good night good night kids now they're calling us kids I'm like oh my fucking god get me the fuck out of here I kind of felt like I was on the Titanic I'm not gonna lie like I kind of felt like we were what were their names not Kate and Leo but what were their names in the thing Jack and Rose I felt like those young loving kids were just thriving we're playing and then we wake up and we get to Paris and we are we we wake up it's like 7 30 in the morning and everyone and the guy comes over and he's like hi Mr.

39:10Mrs. Cooper Kaplan like you guys can stay on board if you want to have breakfast here and we're in Paris though. So you can get off. We're leaving at 830. So you have an hour to hang out on the train. I look at Matt. I said, fire drill, motherfucker, get up. Let's go. I was, you guys, I got off the train and I stepped foot onto the platform and I smelled fresh air and everything was moving. Every single thing was moving. I wanted to cry. I literally looked at Matt. I said, did you have a good birthday? He said, that was one of the most fun experiences. You were being so funny last night. Like I was cracking up at you and I was like, good, because I literally am about to fucking vomit.

39:51I sprint for a trash can. I'm losing my mind. I look like a lunatic. I'm running away from the train and everyone else is staying on the train for the hour. Like everyone's waking up. They're really getting the train experience. They're having a little bit of tea. They're having a little bit of coffee. I'm out. Deorient Express. This is what I will say. I think aside from my motion sickness, had I not got motion sickness it really was fun I know I'm joking I think I'm more just joking because it's so fucking funny to see Matt in these moments because he's he doesn't really usually like to do stuff like that we'll never do it again but I would I would actually recommend it unless you get motion sickness then absolutely do not do it but it was fun and it was memorable and it's one of those things that now we look back on from the pictures and everything it was one of those things that I'll never forget and for multiple reasons because I've never felt that sick and also because it really was fun and so that was matt's birthday and you know what it was it was a success

41:08okay enough about me well not even me kind of mad this whole episode is about matt i'm about to switch some gears over here okay and we are gonna do some questions of the week okay because i was just in france and it does not feel appropriate when we go to france we cannot be friends because I am in a different place. I feel like a new woman. I let my worries get away and I feel so gay. I'm jelly. I'm in France. Bonjour. Oui, oui. Merci beaucoup. What the fuck? We're going to France. I hope that really just fucking grinded your gears, you little shits. Okay, we are going to France. I'm going to answer some of your questions because it is time to reconnect.

42:07It's time to get the daddy gang back on track. Okay, a daddy gang member wrote in and said, I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. And I truly feel like we are really, really best friends and perfect for each other. The only issue is when he gets drunk, he screams at me. At first, I thought it was just a one time thing. But now I'm realizing it's every single time he drinks. I'm so paranoid of being around him and alcohol that I purposely try and avoid any situations where he could drink Which means not going out to dinner or happy hours with our friends It's also really starting to affect my mental health.

42:47I've been having panic attacks and crying myself to sleep. Oh my god When he's sober he is the best but when he's drunk, he's honestly a monster. Is this a deal breaker? What should I do? okay um first of all I'm so sorry because I feel really bad because there's nothing worse than having that pit in your stomach and feeling like oh my god no people just don't get it like the best parts of him I love so much that sometimes you try to say like that has to outweigh the bad and it seems right now like the outweigh is completely outweighing the good like the fact that you avoid going to dinner with your boyfriend the fact that you can't have a nice like date night without freaking out and getting anxious and thinking he's going to scream at you and like basically be verbally abusive I think this is the thing that makes me sad but I really feel like when you have a problem with your partner in reality you try to make it work because I feel like we we already put so much work in especially like it's almost like how people look at businesses it's the same thing it's like literally like how much sweat equity have you put into something and it seems like you have this like wonderful life through the hours of like nine to five and then at five o 'clock your boyfriend potentially can turn into a fucking monster if I'm being like just really direct I think the short answer is you need to leave this person I know that's not as simple as it sounds and I can sit here on my couch and tell you that but I don't think that's just the reality you can't be like okay thanks Alex I'm leaving him, obviously you're writing in, you know, like you're like, I'm having panic attacks.

44:28I'm crying. I'm sad. Like, you know what you have to do. I think it's not even the question is, is this a deal breaker? I think it's more for you. You're asking like, how do you move on from someone that like, you're so in love with a part of them, but the holistic view, if you really like zoom out, that's not the type of partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You shouldn't be hiding in your room, like praying to God, he's not opening a bottle of wine that night because you know in turn it's going to basically mean you are going to be in hell for the next few hours I think that we sometimes have to look at things from like a third POV like if this was your friend what would you tell her to do and I know that when we're in it we have the good parts that we can romanticize and cling to but like this isn't going to get better and like unless he literally goes to rehab which I'm not like over exaggerating that literally would be the only I think conversation that is to be had is like you he has a drinking problem from what you're writing this is a drinking problem this is someone that like completely turns into a different person the minute that they have alcohol it's like similar to people that are addicted to drugs like they can't control themselves on these substances and I think unfortunately this person probably needs to go to rehab or you need to find a better partner for you and I'm not saying this person's a bad person like addiction is I mean that is a whole nother fucking topic and that could be a whole nother episode but like addiction is something that is it's it's everywhere and so I understand not wanting to like just pick up and leave like people can get healthy people can change but I think that the first step is acknowledging that change needs to be made like I don't know if you've had any conversations with your boyfriend I don't know if you have let him know it upsets you like does he know you're avoiding going to these dinners and have you ever shared with him, you turn into a complete different person when you drink.

46:21And I don't like to be around you when you're drinking. I think there can be a really honest conversation that sometimes like I've learned in relationships, when I look back at past relationships, sometimes you actually can approach a conversation, even in your head, if you know this relationship may not work out, like maybe this person like really needs you. And it's not your job to make this person not ill anymore. But like, even if you do leave, there is something you could at least just like articulate your feelings. Like maybe you've never said this to him and maybe again, sit him down when it's daytime.

46:56Maybe you're at brunch, like you're in a private setting in your home. You guys are having breakfast together and maybe you can say all of this to him. And it may mean like you're closing a chapter and that's the end of the relationship. But I feel like it will give you closure of like, you do love a part of this person and there's an awful side to this person but you love this person and they clearly have an addiction and so that's not on you to fix but I do think you could come forward because it will probably like lift a weight off of you to be like this is what the reality is and this is what I've been struggling with and I haven't been able to say it to you because quite frankly when you wake up you don't even remember you did it and that is what is like the hardest part of dealing with people with addiction is like they wake up in the morning and they're like acting normal and you're like you literally don't remember what you did to me last night like I can't like and then you just bury it down inside and then you start to want to fucking scream at this person but then all of a sudden they're like making you eggs in the morning and they're a complete different person it's a mind fuck and you don't deserve to live in this hell so I would say short answer is you should leave this person um you could have a conversation and maybe he is like oh my god I'm I'm mortified I blah blah blah blah I want to get help.

48:07I want to change. I would still say if someone is going to go on that journey, you could still push back. This isn't your husband. You're not married. Like you also deserve to have your youth and live and you don't have this problem. And I think that you could still be close to someone. But I think when someone's in recovery, like the best thing for them to do is focus on themselves. And you should also focus on yourself. Don't let yourself be brought down by something that like this is again it's so tough because it's like there's so many complications when you're talking about addiction but like if you're just taking care of yourself at this very moment he's becoming verbally abusive the minute he touches alcohol and it seems like it's quite frequent you need to get out of that situation and then you can try to get him help but like first you always have to focus on yourself that's just the reality of life everyone's looking out for themselves so I'm really sorry I love you I know that like fuck it's just it's bleak like and what sucks I can imagine is you don't share too much with your friends and family because you get embarrassed because you also love him during the day like I said so you're like fuck he's he's great when he comes over to my mom's for dinner and like no one's drinking but the sad reality is just like that's not sustainable it's not sustainable to be like okay he didn't drink this Friday like we're good we're good well no babe then he's gonna pick it up the next weekend you know it's like you can't try to like mitigate damage and like quickly like do this tap dance if this is a trait of this person if this is an addiction of this person whatever it is now I'm just talking like holistically for like anyone listening if you have something that is like constantly bothering you about your partner either address it head-on and look for change but like I wish I knew this when I was younger and when I was earlier in relationships like I just wish I knew like sitting and ruminating on things by yourself is going to do nothing but like prolong the problem and probably make it fester up and make it bigger and make there be more instances and more pain and more problems the better the faster that you can address something head-on if someone is hurting you and not even just hurting you if you want to end a friendship if a friendship is upsetting you, if you did something wrong and you need to be the one to apologize and take accountability, that I think is the best thing is to always just address it, like address it head on and just don't let it continue to sit there and to cause more problems because then you have 10 times more issues than you did when you first thought about addressing something.

50:38Love you. I hope you're okay and keep me updated. Next question. Let's see. my ex and i decided to stay close after our breakup and naturally that turned into us being friends with benefits oh sweetie don't i know that so well we've been hooking up for a while and everything was going really well until he got a new girlfriend at first i didn't really care about this girl and kept fucking him like usual wait what he got a new girlfriend you kept fucking him but recently I've started hanging out with her hold on rewind you've been hooking up with your ex for a while and everything's going really well until he got a new girlfriend at first I didn't care about this girl and he kept fucking and I kept fucking him per usual but recently I've started hanging out with her and she's actually become one of my really good friends as if this wasn't messy enough me and this guy never use condoms and I just found out I definitely have an STI which means so does she I want to come clean but how do I tell my new friend that not only have I intentionally been fucking her boyfriend behind her back for months but I also gave her chlamydia please help okay I love you so much but like girl this is so fucking messy on so many different levels um here's the thing this is just like self-destructive behavior and I am sad to say that because I wonder like what like 22 year old Alex would have said to this probably I would have been like oh my god like hit the road and run like just go just have a threesome with them and then blame them both that they one of them gave you an STI and you're not to blame you know we um we we are maturing over here daddy gang okay this is what I would say listen the first problem in the first offense is the fact that you are still having sex with your ex-boyfriend when he got a new girlfriend.

52:30I get it. Friends with benefits with an ex is so common. I think I've talked about that multiple times on this podcast. It's so easy to just go back to an ex when you break up and it's that comfort zone. And now there's kind of like oddly no strings attached, but there's still that emotional piece where if you're going on dates with new guys, a lot of times you're missing that emotional connection. You're not going to go on a first date with a guy and fuck him and be like, God, I fucking love you. Like, so fucking an ex is always more familiar and cozy. You also just know each other's bodies and the sex is probably just better.

53:03The problem though, is the minute he got the girlfriend, there's multiple things going on. Number one, you can never go back to this man because he's literally showing you he is comfortable cheating on his girlfriend. So my first question to myself would be like, if you're so comfortable and you ask no questions when you continue to fuck me and you got a new girlfriend, how many times did you cheat on me while we were together? So that's my first thing for you to just think about. for your own self-worth. It's like, babe, if he did this so casually with you, imagine how many times he cheated on you.

53:31Cause like, look how casual cheating is to him. Number two, to, to, to, to be friends with his new girlfriend. I feel like this is like a sick game you're playing with yourself where you're like getting off on this secret. And I feel like you need to like look inward of like, why are you enjoying having this secret with your ex who's has a girlfriend like that's just like mean and I don't think that you can create an actual real friendship with someone if the entire relationship begins on a lie and not only just like a lie but like a lie that like would actually just genuinely hurt this person like you're actively every single day making a decision to infiltrate this girl's life and like make her think that she has a friend when really you've started this all on a lie and you're fucking her boyfriend so like I think what I think what I've started to learn more and having more experiences in life is just like our actions have such consequences sure for ourselves and you can be a fucking asshole to yourself and be hard on yourself is one thing but like this girl is now like going to have trust issues forever because of how mind fucking crazy bat shit the two of you are acting right now Like I'm putting myself in that girl's position and I feel really fucking bad for her that she's sitting there and has no idea when she finds out that girl for the rest of her life.

54:56And I think like that is not an overstatement. Like I still to this day, like I have like moments where I'm like, because I have been cheating, cheated on in my past. And so like it rarely comes up. But if Matt does something, I'm like, oh, my God, that just kind of reminded me like of like a feeling I had once. And it's like I never want to feel that way. But like when you have that type of like trauma of getting cheated on and lied to by someone that you thought you were in love with, like it stays with you and you remember those little things and you find yourself like having reactions that someone that had never been fucked over and lied to and deceived would not have those reactions.

55:30So like you are actively fucking with this girl's life and her trust issues. And like I, I having been cheated on, like I just don't fuck with it. And I think it's just like, it's not, it's not cool. Like, I don't know why you would think that it was just like chill to do to a woman. And I get it. If you're so madly in love with your ex, like put it on him to draw the line. Like either break up with your girlfriend and let's keep doing our friends with benefit thing. or you also have to recognize your self-worth of like hey I love you so much but think about this girlfriend he's fucking you but he just got a new girlfriend so how much can he really love you you know it's like I feel like we waste so much time in life and I look back and I have some time I definitely wasted and I know we're all like no regrets and whatever but like there's definitely some like there's a at least like 50 days of my life I could probably like justify like no I'd take them back no I would actually undo that for sure and I think for you it's like what are you doing what is the end goal here are you madly in love with this person then be an adult and go talk to him about it and set a boundary and set an expectation of what you want and see if he's going to reciprocate or is he literally just fucking you because he wants to keep fucking you and he's enjoying being a piece of shit fucking two women at the same time and then when you start fucking around with STDs it's like I don't know I just think it's like really grimy and I feel like you can do so much better for yourself.

56:56And I get it when you have a relationship with someone and they get into a new relationship, so many emotions come forward. So many emotions are like, you have jealousy that you never felt before. You have anger, you have more lust, you're confused. I get that, but there's different ways to process that other than going and actively hurting someone that's just like an innocent bystander that like really didn't deserve any of this. So I'm sorry that you got chlamydia and you have an STI and that's awful. And I think that one is enough for someone, you know. I would just say like maybe go get tested, get some medication and move on and let these two figure out their own relationship and stop being the third and have some self-worth and actually move forward in your life.

57:45Like it's too messy. You deserve better. And you need to like lead your life in a way that you're more confident because like you can't keep putting yourself in these situations because then it becomes a pattern. Like I know it's funny. Like I could sit here and be like, oh my God, bitch, this is crazy. But I actually like want you to thrive and I want you to succeed. And this situation that you just wrote me is like so many reasons as to why you're not putting yourself first and taking, well, you are putting yourself first. You're definitely actually putting yourself first and being a selfish piece of shit.

58:15but no daddy it's like you got to do better you got to like you have to look at what you actually want in life this isn't what anyone wants maybe you're seeking attention maybe there's something going on at home i don't know what it is but look inward this ain't it girl okay love ya

58:51Hi, Daddy. I have been with my boyfriend for four years now. On our anniversary, he blacked out and passed out as soon as we got home. I have never done this before, but I had a gut feeling. Oh, no. So I went through his phone. He told me that he didn't have a Snapchat anymore and never used it. But when I checked it, I saw he had a 30-day streak with some random girl I've never heard of. Of course, there's nothing saved that I can read. So I have no concrete evidence, but what the fuck? How do I ask him about it without giving myself away from snooping? Okay, honestly, fuck giving yourself away.

59:32I think that you immediately address it. And I think this is where I've learned, not that I've like gone through Matt's phone, but if I was ever going to go through Matt's phone in the past. I think that when you act very calm and mature and level-headed in conversations, even if you made a mistake, you're going to get a positive outcome for yourself. So this is personally what I would do if I was in your position. At this point, I would probably have confronted him the next morning. But now that you're writing in this in, like I'm sure like weeks have gone by and you haven't said anything, let's assume.

1:00:09So I would say you sit him down. You either, I don't know. I think you guys, you said you live together. So if you say you want to have a dinner at home that night, you order in food and you sit down and you say, hey, I want to have a serious conversation that has been eating away at me. And I'm mad at myself that I've let it go this long because I wanted to say something immediately, but I'm going to be honest I was scared I was scared because I didn't know how to bring it up I was scared because of what the conversation was going to be and how was I going to address it and it's just like it's been weighing on me and so I'm just going to bring it up and I really need you to have a conversation with me because I literally am losing sleep over this and I feel sick immediately you're setting yourself up to say like hey because I all you know what has happened to me before in a really toxic ex past relationship I know the first thing he would say is like well why didn't you bring it up immediately like you're what the fuck like you've so you've been holding this over me no you need to explain like this has been emotionally wearing you wearing on you and this is not something that you've enjoyed holding on to by yourself but it is like again your sense of reality has completely shifted you have probably gone down the longest rabbit holes and if I'm going to be honest like he may not be physically cheating but if he's talking to a girl for a 30 day streak, some shady shit is going down.

1:01:33Whether he's cheating on you, whether he's emotionally cheating on you, something is happening. And in my opinion, if Matt had been on a 30 day streak with a woman and was constantly talking to a woman, that would have been the end of our relationship when we were dating. Like I would have just been like, I'm good on that piece. So once you set the conversation up, this is what I would say. And I would be honest. I think you say on our anniversary, I had this gut feeling. I know you so well. We've been together for four years I'm not an idiot I know when you're sad I know when you're happy I know when you're upset I like we know each other like we're in love we're together all the time and so when you passed out on our anniversary I was wide awake because I was like how did our night end like this like this is so strange how does he pass out like what's going on and I sat in bed and I I made the decision that I never wanted to do because I want to trust you with everything in me, but I just had this awful feeling like you've been acting a little strange.

1:02:32You've been acting a little off. And so I went through your phone and I am heartbroken because immediately I am finding lies and I'm so lost on like how we got here in our relationship. You said you don't have Snapchat. I see you have the Snapchat app. Okay. That's fine. If you have Snapchat, then I opened the Snapchat app. Like weird though, that you told me you don't intentionally making a point to tell me you don't have Snapchat. I opened Snapchat. What do I find? You have a 30 day streak with a woman. What am I supposed to think about that? The only rational answer is that you are having a relationship with another woman, whether it is solely based online or you've met this woman or you're having sex with this woman in some capacity, you're cheating on me.

1:03:20And so So I need answers because I'm sick to my fucking stomach. So what's going on? And you leave it there. Like, I think that it's not manipulative, but I will say I've learned the calmer you can be in situations where you are confronting someone, the better it goes. Because first of all, if he's being shady, what is actually going to happen is he wants you to escalate so he can immediately turn it back on you and be like why are you being so fucking crazy oh no no I'm being so chill we're good because I'm either gonna walk out this door and I'm done or you're gonna tell me this is your fucking cousin but like maybe maybe he's from West Virginia so like I don't know like what he's doing with his cousin but like do you know what I mean sorry do you know what I mean like you staying calm provides no escape for this man he either has to just blatantly lie to your face and you just stay super calm and you would say so that doesn't make sense so now make it make sense or okay now open your phone and show me this phone number if you're like you have ways that you can just continue to get answers and answers and chip away at his lies but if you cannot escalate the situation that's what I've learned you're going to always succeed and you're always going to have a better outcome than if you like I get it trust me when I was oh my god in my teens in my early 20s I would literally be rip shit like hysterics like I would rip a man's face off with my words and I would get off on it I would be like you little fucking piece of shit like I would go so off and now I've realized like it by you going up 10 notches it only gives them an escape because then they'll be like you're being so over the top like oh my god like what's wrong with you like why would you go if he says why did you go through my phone say I just explained to you that's the last thing that I wanted to do but I was sitting up sick to my stomach because I knew something was off and the saddest part is I was right and so I wish I I wish I was sitting here saying I'm so sad I went through your phone and I felt like piece of shit nothing was there but I was right my gut was right your gut is always right so the issue is not that I went through your phone the issue is I went through your phone because I felt you were being shady and voila you were being shady so go ahead explain to me what's going on the honest truth and again to please write back in and let me know if anything is not what it seems but I would say this is probably the end of your relationship I think that when I think that there's something really fucked up about social media that makes me really sad for dating nowadays in general is like people have such crazy relationships online and I feel like people can form relationships online that are just completely online based and people can almost compartmentalize those online relationships as not reality like I had a relationship with someone where they were not physically cheating on me but they had this like texting sexting relationship with someone and they had never met this person in person and you're like and then they were like I didn't even think about it like that like it's like it's so fucked and so I think that there's a world where he could deny it and deny it and he may have never met this woman but to me any type of emotional intimacy you don't have to fuck to be cheating that's my barometer some people it's like oh you can have emotional relationship but like as long as the PP didn't go in the V like we're good like that doesn't work for me um if you are emotionally putting yourself out there with another person and constantly needing them to fulfill you that is emotional cheating and what the fuck is wrong with our relationship to the point that you need to feel go and feel fulfilled so I would say confront him but I don't really see what the excuse of a 30-day streak with a woman could be and I don't and you didn't say but like I'm assuming you know it's not his cousin because you didn't recognize the woman's name so I'm really sorry see this is why I started this episode being like I'm so happy that I got married and I'm happy at this point in my life but like this doesn't negate the fact that shit's fucked up out here daddy gang okay so we can be happy for a day but then like time to fucking catch these little mother fuckers and all their lies and beat them down and let them know you cannot fuck with the daddy gang okay we will always find out we will always come for you um but yeah I'm really sorry and I really I really hope that you can get closure because again and that's almost why I hope I wasn't too hard on the girl that said she was cheating with her ex-boyfriend on her new friend whatever the fuck that situation was I hope I wasn't being too harsh I think this is what I was trying to say is like our actions have real repercussions and I think through experiences in life and more experiences in life you just start to see that more clearly and when you're younger and you haven't has as many experiences it feels kind of just like this fleeting fun little thing but like this is gonna hurt someone this girl just opened snapchat and she's like I'm I'm literally sitting up on my anniversary sick to my stomach And so anytime you're going to make these decisions, like you do have to put yourself first in some capacity because everyone's fucking doing that.

1:08:49And hopefully at some point you can find a partner, everyone that's listening, that puts themselves first, but also is completely mindful of you and putting you first because they're viewing themselves in a partnership, not in this individuality. And I think that's something that I've learned in my relationship with Matt is like, I'm, I still have such independence in my relationship because of our respect of the partnership. If there's no respect of the partnership, there's no communication. If there's no love, if there's no respect, then individuality is actually just like disrespecting him and going out and not answering him.

1:09:22Like having respect for your partner then allows you to have independence. But like, and, and I think that sometimes that's, I mean, that's a whole fucking episode I could do because I've learned a lot in therapy. in therapy and through this relationship. And I, it took me a really fucking long time to figure that out. Um, but I'm really, I'm really, really hopeful that, like I said, there's always a fucking sun and rainbow and over the mountain and hills, you just got to get through the lightning bolts and the storm and the thunder. And sometimes, you know, the hail comes through and you're just like, what am I saying?

1:09:55The point is life fucking gets better. And I love you guys. And I promise it is not the end of the world pieces of shit cheat you're gonna be fine bitch move the fuck on go find a fucking guy that is gonna treat you like the motherfucking daddy you are so daddy gang I love you so much um I'm so happy to be back I have a like I don't even know how to describe this episode coming out on Wednesday let me just say this woman is someone that so many of you have recommended. I have been waiting to have her on. There is something recently that she was she was out there. People wanted her on. We are finally doing it together.

1:10:36And I think you guys are going to freak out when you find out who she is because she's fucking incredible. And it's going to be a phenomenal episode. So you know the drill. I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

1:10:52Thank you.