My Mom Found My Nudes

0:00I look like I just got fucked up. what is up daddy gang it is your founding father Alex Cooper with call her daddy

0:16daddy gang welcome back to another episode of call her daddy it is your founding father back at it again you guys I any episode moving forward that I'm not feeling my best and my finest and my prettiest. I'm just going to podcast like this the whole time. I have so many updates for you guys. Daddy gang, welcome back. We're doing a little solo episode, but there's going to be some random people coming in this episode. This past month has been an absolute whirlwind. By the time that this episode comes out, I will officially be done my Unwell tour. But right now I'm two shows in and it has been already truly one of the coolest experiences of my life.

0:59I feel like when I started Call Her Daddy, obviously I didn't even know the possibilities of what was going to come from this show and this community. And I've never been in person with you guys and I've never gotten to actually like physically be in a space that was just all daddy gang. And so the past two shows I have gotten on stage and just been sobbing like uncontrollably to the point where every single time I go out now, everyone's like put tissues in her pocket. Cause I just start weeping. There's just something so cool about the community that we've all built. And it's so cool to see all of you becoming friends and interacting with each other.

1:36And I just fucking love you guys. And I'm so excited for the rest of this tour currently, but by the time this comes out again, it'll be over. I just got back from Toronto. And do you guys remember the Canadian? I used to hook up with this Canadian hockey player who was super hot. I'd always thought I would go visit him in Canada, but the dick just wasn't good enough for me to cross the border. You know what I mean? But so that for the first time I went to Canada and I fucking loved it, but I reminded me of something that I want to share with you guys. So I am walking into America and this woman is looking at my passport and I'm walking into America.

2:11I, I literally crossed the border with my feet. No, I'm walking through the airport and this woman asked for my passport. I hand it to her and she says, Oh my gosh, this is such a good photo. And I need to say that because what I'm going to explain to you is my previous passport photo and the experience I had in trauma with that. Okay. So in this moment, I turned to Matt, I turned to everyone around me. I'm like, does anyone want to look at my passport photo? Because my current passport photo, it's so good. Like you can't really look that good in a passport photo, but this photo is so fucking good.

2:46I am proud to say this is my passport photo because rewind. Okay. I'm in, I think I'm in either, I think I'm in freshman year of high school and I am going to Russia to play soccer with the U.S. women's soccer team. Okay, guys, I lived in a lot of lives before Call Her Daddy. Okay. And I am going with this team. And so I need to get a passport to get into Russia. And so I remember it's seven in the morning for some reason. Why can you only get your fucking passport taken at the worst time of day? It's seven in the morning. And my mom drives me to the local CVS in Pennsylvania to get my passport photo taken.

3:30And I remember him saying, like, you're not allowed to smile, stay serious, lock eyes with the camera. And I'm looking in the camera, like not only is this going to be the worst photo that I've ever taken in my life, because I hadn't dyed my eyelashes at the time. You guys, I had no eyebrows at the time. Remember my hair was just disgusting. I looked awful and I'd acne and I look at my photo and I want to sob now everyone's gonna want to see the photo but I will never show this photo to anyone you guys it is the scariest photo I look so fucking scary I look it is the ugliest most nastiest gruesome this this is a gruesome photo of me okay and my whole family makes fun of me to this day that they're like don't ever show that to anyone no one will see you the same after this photo this is how bad this photo is.

4:19Fast forward to, I get to college and I never get a new passport from high school. Cause this shit lasts what, like 10 years and I'm in college and I start talking to professional athletes and these athletes are inviting me places that would require a passport. Okay. Like this guy takes me to Turks and Caicos. These people want me to go to Paris and all this shit. So I will never forget when one of my, the guys that I was talking to at the time says my business manager is going to book our flights. Send me a picture of your passport. At this point, you guys, I had had my glow up also where like, I've got the 22 inch extensions.

5:00Okay. I've got the makeup. I've got the bleach blonde hair. Like it's almost as if, if they ever saw this photo, they would say like, no, sorry, send me your, your passport. Like whose is this path? Like I I look nothing like myself. Okay. And so what did I do? I sent him my passport photo, but this is the extreme length. I went to hide this photo from men. You guys, I got on pick monkey, which is my favorite editing software, not Photoshop, not FaceTube pick monkey. Okay. We keep it. We keep it close to home. Okay. I have worked with this shit since seventh grade and I will never ever abandoned PicMonkey.

5:39It's a phenomenal editing tool. Okay. I get on PicMonkey and I take a picture of my passport and I start editing my photo in PicMonkey. I am elongating my eyes. I'm giving myself the cat eye lift. I am brushing in my non-existent eyebrows. I'm bleaching my hair. I'm chiseling the chin. I'm shrinking the nose. Okay. I'm bluing up the eyes. I'm tanning the pale skin. I'm literally doing every fucking thing that I possibly can to make this look better. And what's so sad too, is I also didn't care. Cause, but you know, men are so fucking dumb. The passport lamination. If you really looked, you could see how Photoshop this thing is because It's like the laminated lines are squiggling in and out.

6:29But men are so fucking dumb, they wouldn't notice. I export the photo and I send it to the man. It still didn't look good with a full pick monkey to boot, okay? I had to preface it every single time I sent a man this photo to be like, whoa, like that was a rough period of my life. Like don't judge me on the photo. And I had full editing control and I still couldn't make myself look good. That's how bad it was, okay? So then I would go on these trips with these men. I would show up to the airport and this is where it got tough. You guys, if you've ever traveled with someone, someone's always going to keep the passports, right?

7:04So I would always travel with these men and they would be like, why don't you hand me your passport? I'll keep them. I'm like, nope, I'll carry them. I'll carry them. He's like, okay. And every single time we would go up and we'd have to hand our passports. What I would consider like more than a nightmare, like truly something that sent shivers down my spine. I almost shit myself every time this moment happened is when the person slides both passports back through the little plastic thing. And it is a race for me to get my hands on those passports as fast as humanly possible. Because if for some fucking reason, this motherfucker grabs, you guys know what happens.

7:47You look to see whose is whose. and I was not taking any fucking chances. So every time I went on a trip with a man with a passport, I had to be on guard. I had to be ready for battle that the minute they slid this shit back, I grab, I quickly check and I peel away so he can't see the photo and then I hand him back his passport. I did this for a solid 10 years of traveling outside of the country that I had this passport photo, okay? And then I meet Matt. And as much as Matt loves me in all of my ugly glory, I still refuse to let him see this photo and so we started traveling a bunch and I did the same protocol with Matt until finally my passport expired and it was time to get a new one and I treated this like prom I treated this like a like it was almost like a rebirth like this is a new opportunity for me to come through and shine through so I show up to take my new passport photo I was honestly thinking about getting glam at this point I'm like should I hire a makeup artist and get my hair done before I did get my hair highlighted before my passport photo.

8:51And I am not ashamed to say it because of the mental warfare abuse that I put myself through for these 10 years. I deserve to get a good outcome. So I show up to get my passport taken and I look beautiful. I look, I look like it's one for the ages. Honestly, I turned to Matt and I say to him while we're leaving Toronto, I said, Matt, I'm so happy that woman complimented me it kind of really meant a lot I know it sounds pathetic but you will just never understand how ugly that photo was of me and Matt goes oh I saw it and I say what am I gonna ask and clarify with him Matt did you actually fucking did you actually see the photo but then I was like you know what I don't want to know I don't want to know I'm gonna go with God and I'm in my mind how I sleep right at night is knowing that Matt is joking with me and he never saw the fucking photo.

9:49And if he did see the photo, what I do know, daddy gang, is this man loves me so fucking much that I still have a ring on my finger because that photo, it leaves scars. It creates nightmares for others. So that is my little passport story. I think it also brought up the memory because I've been seeing people on TikTok. I actually saw Alex Earl did this recently where like she took, she showed her old license compared to her new license and everyone is being assholes. But it's so funny how puberty and just growing up, like you're just face fucking changes. And I am so goddamn glad people say aging, scary.

10:28Aging is a fucking beautiful thing. So God bless. And, um, I'll post my new passport photo if you guys want to see, but you will never fucking see the old passport photo. So, so much has been happening in my life. Aside from tour, I got this little prop from going on Jimmy Fallon. I'm not going to lie, you guys, like I was one of those little losers when I was younger, like dreaming big, like I want to make it to Hollywood. I want to get out of Pennsylvania. And to be on Jimmy Fallon and on a late night show was one of the coolest experiences that I've had so far in my career, like meeting Jimmy Fallon.

11:02He's so fucking cool. You know how like you're like going to go meet people and you're like, if they're super famous you're like I don't know if they're gonna be normal or what the chillest guy so lovely loved Henry guys Henry stole the show so hard that I was like oh I can just like sit back and relax and if I ever need to just mail it in just show fucking Henry and I'm good to go I also went on watch what happens live with Andy Cohen who is a guest on the Unwell tour he's coming out in New York You have great energy, and whoever this dude is, is so lucky. And I hope you live, I hope you feel every day the love from this man that you are getting tonight.

11:47Which is so, so fun, but I love Bravo. I love reality TV. I love the drama. I had no idea what the drama personally was for the episode that I was going on I have never watched this show called Southern Charm But you know what? I think I brought the drama to the show which you guys will see I filmed my experience at Watch What Happens Live And you guys are going to come along for it And also there's a little friend that you'll be seeing Laren is in New York with me So let's rewind to Watch What Happens Live

12:36I look like I just got fucked up. What's up? It's Alex. I'm in New York City and I'm going on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen. I'm very excited. I just got back from tour rehearsals. So my brain is like, where am I? Turn the camera.

12:58I'm going to. No, he's being so cute. And meanwhile, look at Henry being a fucking weirdo. Like, Henry's so, like, anxious. He's like, why have you been gone for this long? Let's get in glam. And let's get into it. So for anyone who doesn't know, Watch What Happens Live is essentially Andy Cohen is, like, the king of Bravo. and he has his own show where he talks to Bravo celebrities and then also has other people on the show. So he always has on two guests and the two guests, at least one of the people is always gonna be on Bravo television. I am not on Bravo television yet. No, I'm not on Bravo.

13:39So the person that I'm gonna be with, his name is Austin Kroll. So basically he is on Southern charm. Unfortunately, I don't watch Southern charm. I'm doing my research because I have to give him five dating tips. So I'm looking up his Instagram. My first note is less plaid, no bucket hats and no khakis Austin. Okay. If we're trying to get laid, we got a, you know, you know, no, I'm just kidding. He seems like a really nice guy and he seems like he has a good personality. So I'll start writing dating questions or dating tips for him. When I was getting my hair done the other week, there was this guy sitting next to me that does hair for a bunch of celebrities.

14:19And I was like, oh, I'm going on Fallon and I'm going on Andy Cohen when I'm in New York. And he was like, oh my gosh, you'll be fine. They run through everything with you. They tell you what they're going to talk about, etc. And he was like, you should know, right? You got that for Call Her Daddy. And I was like, no. And he was like, wait, you don't give celebrities all of the questions before they come on. and I was like, no one has ever seen questions before they come on Caller Daddy in the history of Caller Daddy. And he was like, how the fuck do you get these celebrities to come on your show?

14:53And I was like, you know, just that seven charm. No, but yeah, I didn't realize like all of these shows like pre-approved like questions and stuff. So yes, so that made me feel, I think, happy and proud about Caller Daddy. Like not that the other way isn't great, but I guess I didn't realize how rare it is to get big celebrities to agree when they are coming in blind. So that's cool. Hi, Daddy Gang. I am sitting here editing right now and I'm watching this. You know, when you are like with your best friend and you start to just go on a rant of remembering stories together and you're like, oh, do you remember when?

15:33Well, you're about to watch Lauren and I tell a story of do you remember when together? And we weren't even filming. So you guys are dropping in with like no explanation of like, this is about to be a story time. I just wanted to preface it because you're about to be dropped into the middle of us telling a story. And we just quickly started recording. So do you remember when with Lauren and I, here you go, enjoy our story time. Also, Lauren, I think we have to give light context just in just one preface of like, Lauren's family was going through the most traumatic moment of her family's life. Yeah, my dad was having a mental breakdown and my mom had to take me and my brother on the run and hide while my family sorted our shit out.

16:16Like, dark, not a good time. Alex's mom was like, I know where you guys can go, like, hide. So we go to my mom's best friend's house because they were out of town. And you stayed with us. And so we came because we were like, it's a sleepover. So we go to the sleepover and naturally, as Lauren's family, just like... My family is blowing up. Like this is like the beginning of the end of my family. And so what do we think is smart to do? Take nudes. Lauren was talking to this boy that we like was like a bad boy at the time. And he was asking for pictures. So naturally I said, no, in seventh grade, you guys in seventh grade.

16:56Okay. Public school, man. And just to be clear, no one was asking me for nudes. So I was living vicariously through Lauren and I'm like, oh my God, Lauren. Okay. I have a vision. I love how I say like, oh, collar daddy, like really like the beginning started in college. This is where it fucking started. Our little whore ass is in seventh grade. We turn on the shower. Please, if you're not watching this episode, please watch this. This is Lauren and I'm like this. Oh, and I'm splashing more water on her. So it looks really sexual. And then Lauren, what happened? So I'm a fucking dumb ass and I decide that I'll leave my phone charging in the kitchen.

17:29Why? Also, I will say we forgot to mention like his response was like, dear God. Like this little horny ass seventh grade kid had never seen a body of work of art like this. Like this was top notch shit we were producing. Okay. Cause we have a lot of time on our hands. So my mom finds it all. And she's having a mental breakdown. Like dealing with her husband. And she's like, why is my daughter being a whore right now? This is the last thing I need to deal with. Oh, it gets worse. So then my parents start, like, we're trying to solve the family crisis. they then bond over the fact that yeah like let's be mad at our daughter can you believe our daughter did that I can hear my mom like telling my dad like because she she gave me my phone back I can hear my mom telling my dad like so I found some really disturbing things on Lauren's phone I'm upstairs in the bathroom I'm like there's more in here like my mom only went through like this one if my parents both sit down and like my dad gets involved and we really get investigative I'm done A lot more is being exposed.

18:31So I flush my cell phone down the toilet. No, it's not done. I can hear them coming like, okay, I have 10 seconds to make a decision. Like my parents are about to like come upstairs and be like, give me your phone. And they're going to go through everything. I got to get rid of the evidence. Flush my phone down the toilet. I'm like, I feel so guilty for like what I did that I got nervous and I dropped my phone in the toilet. And they're like, oh, something's on there. They take my phone. This is like when you have the old phones. They take the battery out. They put my phone in a bowl of rice in the kitchen.

19:05Every day, I'm like, they're like, this phone will turn back on, Lauren, and we will find out what's out there. Every day, I'm like walking by, like checking, like, is the phone like going to turn on? I walk by the next day, take the phone out of the rice, just douse it under the sink, put it back in the rice. I'm like, I don't know, guys. Like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't think the phone's turning back on. Let's just say that Lauren had created some great street creditor school, though, because all the guys were like, yeah, Lauren's got it. But, you know, that wasn't the first time that we, with technology.

19:38No, the Club Penguin. Lauren and I definitely had just, like, sexual, obviously, interests at a young age. Not of each other. No, not of each other, but we like to explore them together. Everyone remembers Club Penguin. Maybe if you don't remember Club Penguin, we'll explain it to you. Maybe you're Gen Z. Like you like make your penguin and like feed your penguin and like play games or get like money to like take care of your penguin. And your penguin could go into different rooms. And when you get into a different room, there's other penguins and then you can chat with those penguins. So Lauren and I started to realize that we could start to sexually interact with these penguins because there's obviously human beings behind these penguins at home as well.

20:18and so Lauren and I start to we did this like one night we decided like we were feeling weird like we were just kind of like not saying it to each other but we were like what if we just say this and we're basically asking like what were we saying like it wasn't that bad at this point because like I think we were in like fifth grade here but we were like like oh like have you ever kissed a girl no Lauren I remember definitely using the word throbbing like

20:48we like we were doing some weird shit like no yeah like we were like saying i think she was the mastermind behind i think she was the uh poet here i'm taking the news i'm writing because again no one wanted to hear from me and with the penguin like no one knew what i looked like so we're typing we're typing and we get in this one chat with this penguin that is really really leaning in ramping it up and he's he's leaning in and who knows if it was a he we don't know and so we're having a basically we're sexting a penguin okay and we are like having fun like but okay and like for context this is like early 2000s so my computer was like a desktop like chunky chunky dell monitor like the the back of it if you looked was like this big of a like it wasn't a flat screen yet so lauren and i are typing typing typing and then all of a sudden we press enter on our last nasty ass message and the whole screen freezes on our penguin sexting and lauren and i are sitting in her bedroom and we're like that's so weird like why is it freezing whatever let's just restart your computer we go to restart it will not restart it restarts opens right back up onto the sax like these are just like ingrained on my computer screen like it will not leave we're pressing exit we're doing everything and so lauren finally starts crying she's pacing around the room like what am i gonna do like my parents are gonna kill me i'm like lauren like i don't know what to do i start pacing i start walking away you get on your hands and knees i start i say god we will never do this again we will never sex again we will never have sex in our lives we will never do this again please please please for the love of god just get it off lauren's computer we'll never do it again and as I'm doing this I hear like a and I'm like Lauren Lauren has picked up her desktop and has the window open and she literally is walking and is about to I was this close to throwing the computer out our second floor window because I I thought we'd be more likely to be able to explain that than my parents finding our horny little fourth grade penguin sex.

23:12She did not throw it out the window. She just puts it down. I'm like, Lauren, you're literally lost. Yeah, Alex is like, Lauren, no, no, no, no. Like, I'm praying. My prayers will be answered. So we finally eventually pull all the cords out, and it does disappear. And we went to sleep that night literally like this. We're like, ooh. We promise. God, God, you heard us. You saw us. We will never sex again. What do we do two years later? Start taking nudity pics for the seventh grade boys. Yeah, that was just the beginning. And then we did some weirder shit. We'll tell those stories one day when I came to the pizza shop crying.

23:47Oh my God. We can't tell that today. All seventh and eighth grade, we had a child pornography crisis in my middle school. We had a nude picture because you know and her pic went viral everywhere and she had a huge bush I remember it. A thing so they kept having these they kept having these um like assembly. They kept having assemblies about like Sending nudes is a crime you will go to jail and I'm like sitting there like

24:16I'm like oh that was great work by me and I'm going home like no nude pictures of me but Lauren's like not sleeping a night

24:37okay daddy gang this is the official look I did a high pony because I have a really bad tendency to touch my hair all the time when I get nervous we did these little diamond earrings we did so much bling on the neck I don't think I've ever worn this many diamonds I also don't own any of these so I will be returning. There's this little Prada white collared shirt, Prada skirt, little socks, and Prada heels. She's a Prada girl, living in a Prada world. It's giving like schoolgirl meets... I'm about to fuck up Watch What Happens Live. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

25:25Okay, we are in the car. We are on our way to watch what happens live. I actually have no idea where we're going. I'm just like, we're in the car going to... Where? The woman today, I was getting acupuncture and she was like, so like, what vitamins do you take? And I was like,

25:43um, like orange juice? She's like, no, what vitamins do you take? I'm like, birth control. she's like i'm gonna write down a couple recommendations i don't know where that paper went but i will not be taking i'm having a little menti b um let me show you guys something i am like oh my god i'm so happy that i'm like sitting for this i don't have to stand but when i say i'm so excited to sit for this aaron i'm sorry don't call hr there is no hr I'm the head of HR. This is what you're going to potentially see. That's a napkin. This is not my Vahini. This is, but if it's crinkled, they can be like, God, she has such a spray tan.

26:29Like her vagina is pale stark white, but it's really my shirt. The shirt is coming through the mini skirt. So there is a little peaky, peaky poking through of the shirt under my skirt that it looks like it's my vagina, but it's not. So I'm gonna need to cup it in and just make sure that I have my hand like this all time. Andy, no lookie. Okay? I mean listen, if there's anything more on brand like I'm growing up and maybe my brand is elevating but she's always gonna have that little nasty still in her. You know when you start your career telling people how to suck dick like you always have to make sure you dip back into the roots so it's like oh okay let's go thank you hello are we going on together yes how are you nice to meet you nice to meet you i'm so excited what's your reservation for this like i don't know i don't even know what we're going to talk about i just know i have to give you dating tips okay i feel like you're going to be a complete natural idea because like that's what you do on your podcast, right?

27:36You just let it fly. Right. But do we play, like, games? Sure. Oh. Like, if I come on, watch what happens, and I would be with a cast member, and then it's, like, so hyper-focused on, like, the episode that we cared. We can kind of just roll. Yeah. And since it's not another cast member, it's like, we're going to probably just have a bunch of fun, and you're going to probably roast me a little bit. No, I think it will be fun if we have a little fun banter. We will. And we're going to record this, let everybody know, God forbid people on the internet think that we fucking hate each other, just know it was a joke, and it was a bit.