Nelly Furtado: Embracing the Single Life

0:02What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Nelly Furtado, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Hi. I am so happy we are finally doing this. I'm the biggest fan. Thank you for coming today. Oh my gosh, this is so fun. I've only been here a few minutes. I'm having so much fun. I'm having so much fun. We have to tell the Daddy Gang, who are my audience, first of all, Daddy Gang, Nelly's daughter is Daddy Gang. Can you tell me what did she say when she found out that you were coming and Call Her Daddy? Well, she's been wanting me to come on the show forever. her she's been talking about it since like we started making music for this album some of it together and uh and I was like yeah I mean I love that it'd be great like your show's amazing you're amazing love your energy so she's thrilled she's like right on and then I was like oh okay you can come help me with that so yeah her friend are here today they're excited she'd almost stayed in the room but I was like I'm just gonna be like looking at her the whole time so she's in the other room it's so fun to have you here and it's so cool to like know that your daughter is daddy gang meanwhile I'm the biggest fan of you.

1:06So it's all coming full circle. You've had such an incredible career. Obviously, you've been in the spotlight. You've also made decisions to step out of it at times. Like when are you at your happiest? Oh, wow. In general in life? Yeah. Oh, my God. Probably when I'm like at the park with my children, just kind of like pushing them on a swing or something or but then I'm also quite happy when I am kind of waving my freak flag at a concert and singing on on my concert on stage because it's also my other chance to really be myself like I do feel very myself when I'm on stage like I'm like this is my chance to just be as weird as I want to be I fit in when I'm on stage right I think though that's like a relatable somewhat relatable idea of like we have these two sides to ourselves like no one is just one dimensional right not at all and that is like key that is like uh-huh yes would you say you're able to have somewhat of a normal life like if you're at the park are you at the park as like mom nelly or like do people like come up to you and are you no i am very good i'm very chameleonic like not only in my music but like in the way i look so i can be i i like you wouldn't you wouldn't recognize me i mean sometimes i don't care like sometimes a little it depends what mood you're in right so true like sometimes you're like let's be social and other times you're like yeah but usually if I'm around my kids like I'm not really yeah I'm pretty I don't really want to kind of I get engage in that way okay I have to know because this is call her daddy what is the difference in your opinion dating Canadian men most American men this is such a good question now we're getting the juicy bits just so you know all my friends know this about me I love love it's my favorite topic I try to set people up all the time poorly I don't have a very good success rate so they kind to roll their eyeballs at me a little cupid but I do love American men I do but I've found some interesting Canadians along the way you have I was gonna say like if you had to say some high quality yeah what is your type my type oh it's changing okay yeah my type is changing yeah talk to me about it well I'm in my 40s now so I'm about I'm 45 I'll be 46 and um it's like a new beginning for me it's like a very fun time in my life because I didn't really get to be single in my 20s right I I was pretty like locked down in relationships like from the time not locked down in a negative way but just like you know I was in really long-term relationships for much of my 20s and 30s so only recently I think in the last few years I've become single again it's so fun dating I love it.

3:50You do. I do love it. Wait, Nellie. Because it's on my watch when I feel like it. Right. You're like on my terms, on my terms. And it's like when you come correct, you know what I mean? Yeah. So now my type is like come correct. You know, they ask me out on a date or for dinner or just like it's all it's all in the way, you know, the words, you know, use the sort of. Yeah. I like confidence. I adore confidence. Not you saying come correct, boys. come correct men I'm upset that's a great attitude to have because I know I have a lot of single girls listening and it's like I think a lot of people want to have that like excitement towards dating yes but you have to enjoy being single authentically you can't just say oh yeah I'm out here I'm having fun dating no if you if you're looking for a relationship for real then be authentic about that but if that's not what you're looking for ask yourself what do you want you know And if you want to just have fun and see what's out there and that's fine too.

4:50True. You just have to know what you want. But be real with it. Yeah. We're going to talk so much more dating. First, I have to acknowledge there is another very famous musician that obviously is from Canada who you actually performed with. Can you please explain how you ended up singing I'm Like a Bird with Drake? Oh, my God. Drake. Yes, we go way back. actually he just asked me to come sing again a couple nights ago on saturday night he's like he asked me at 11 p.m to show up at 1 a.m and i love him to death but i was like i am not showing up without glam i thought you were gonna say like i'm asleep like bitch get me glam then maybe i'll roll up i was up okay i was up but i was like it was an event it was like this really fun event in toronto and i was like no i can't show up without glam because of course you know he's so famous it'll be everywhere you're like I want to have my beat on okay I want to make sure I look fit outfit wait like you got to come snatch to the gods with the lashes and the beat you're like babe give me five hours oh my god so you just didn't go no I could I couldn't make it that time but you know obsessed but anyways yeah I do I do love him a lot he's a great guy and I think that um I mean he's done a lot for the music industry you know Toronto was a secret for a long time a secret that i loved as well growing up there and making music there in my teens my early 20s but now it's just so nice he kind of really put toronto on a map in a different kind of way in canada in general but anyways yeah that's how that went down the fact that you can be like drake like i don't have my makeup tonight like i'll pass on this one like oh my god so baller i know i kind of wish i did though because i saw a video and he looked pretty cute he had a yellow track suit or something and he looked good yeah shout out jory but then i'm like what would i have worn pink because it would have been all videos of yellow and then you know like I love that you think of all this stuff that's what that's what performers do they always think about what things like pop especially in pop music you think about what things look like too I want to talk before you were a performer because like it is such a glamorous life and we get to talk about like the outfits and the fashion and all of it but before you were famous you worked as a housekeeper in a motel yes a chambermaid was that your first job well that's a good question my very first job was actually um it was the same year I did like I would jump over the fence um at my childhood home and I would do filing oh for like a home inspection company so I would but I would it was long hours but uh it it was helpful I think to just sit there and organize and then I got a job at the motel it was called the Robin Hood Motel yes and my mom worked there my sister my aunt my cousin my mom ran the housekeeping department she was like the head honcho there and so she hired me and I would every morning just show up I mean harder in the teen years when you're out the night before and then you get there at 6 a.m and I'm like where's the coffee right are you like hello yeah yeah and my brother was uh gardening there at the time too so we'd be like Saturday mornings like okay um but it was such a good experience because I worked there for probably 10 summers straight wow I even worked there one summer when I thought like after I graduated high school and I went to Toronto and thought I was going to be famous in two months.

8:04But reality, you know, like that's not how it works. Your goals take a while to achieve. Moved back home, worked there again that year when I was going to college in my hometown of Victoria. And that was the year I was like, oh, I wonder if my dreams will come true, you know. But growing up doing that was good because the work ethic, because when you get into this industry, the hours can be long. When you're starting out, it's a lot of hustling. I wanted to talk about that, though, because the juxtaposition of like being someone that is hardworking, working with your family and then you get famous.

8:34And I think everyone in the world now kind of has an understanding at least of like when you get famous, people start treating the famous person differently. Right. Is there a moment that comes to mind when you really started to notice like, whoa, people are just treating me nice because I have all these things that I am famous now. That's an interesting question. I think for me in particular my parents come from these like really really like working class roots like my parents are from the azores islands and a tight from a tiny island called san miguel like from a tiny village you know farmers you know like just they were already like picking beans and like carrying their water from you know the main water fountain to home like when they were like 10 or 11 you know what i mean they're already working at the farm by the time they're 12 and so that's my that's where I come from so you really can't get bougie on people when you come from those you get canceled in your family you can get canceled so you can you can't even go there like I have no business like acting like I'm better than anyone because I know I'm not you know because I go and I'm humbled I think that's so fun to hear though because obviously like I didn't know that but hearing that immediately it does paint a better picture of like how you are so normal and like even talking to your daughter like before you came in here you're like I need to start being bougie I need air but it's it's interesting even talking to your daughter how she was like I grew up with like a very normal life because she had stepped kind of out of the spotlight yeah and now all the resurgence of everything and you coming out with this album and you know TikTok and everything she's like now I'm seeing my mom out there being like oh like oh my god that's Nelly Furtado but it's cool to see that like you've been able to live a pretty normal life while also having this superstardom on the other side of your life if that makes you know it's really funny sorry i have a story in my mind because she said i remember you know be careful what you wish for right because she's like oh mom yeah you should start working again and then a year later she's like why are your hair appointments five hours long and your nail appointments are three hours like like you've kind of become a diva mom and i'm laughing like well but you know this is my job you're like sweetie you know mom nelly now you're about to meet Nelly Furtado, the superstar.

10:53She said, what do you mean you can't pick me up at the airport anymore? I'm like, sorry, my hair appointment went over. She was, sorry, she was livid. I'm obsessed. Oh my God. It's like, well, you want a mom to be back at work here? I'm doing my thing. I'm back to work, babe. It's what it takes. Yeah. That is amazing. She's like, God damn it.

11:27I read that magazines used to edit your photos by lightening your skin and changing your body oh yeah how did that affect you back it's so funny because that's it's fun I always find it interesting what people cling to in stories so I did a really like a general interview about uh with my daughter for people but then that became a thing like oh this is this story but then I realized oh I get it it's like I wrote a song about it in 2003 I think it was my second album and uh yeah it kind of it's called powerless and it's like paint my face in your magazines make it look lighter than it seems paint me over with your dreams like shove away my ethnicity so at the time it's more about the idea of okay wait like I'm in this bit like when you're young and you're 22 23 it's like it's a whirlwind right like all of a sudden becoming successful at the career you always dreamed of and you know if you're in it for the music like I always was um I think that all that other stuff with the visuals and the aesthetics and the oh wow they they like you and you look great on the red carpet and but then the opposite is true as well and just kind of questioning it all but um it is true yeah I bring my own clothes to photo shoots because I was like a girl like I was 21 22 young girl but yeah you'd see at the time I think yeah the beauty standard was a bit different so I think that they would photoshop a lot and just kind of like oh I thought I had hips or am I but it's it's hard anyways because when you see yourself on tv for the first time you know you always look different on the camera and it can be a little jarring like to be on tv and uh in at the spotlight that much at a young at a young age I guess so when you look back like because obviously like I think it's helpful like I get what you're saying you're like wait I did such a long interview and that's the one thing people picked up on I think no I know no but I but I think it's I get what you're saying it's like that I think for a lot of people now pick up on things because people finally do feel more comfortable to talk about things that were kind of like hey that was kind of a weird decision like am I not good enough as me like yes when do you oh God.

13:30When you look back, like when did you feel your most confident when you were younger? You know what's so funny? I feel the most confident now. What do you think that is? 100%. Wow. It's now. I don't know. Something happened. I don't know. I just had like, I had the 40s glow up. I was just like, wow, I just feel like me. You know, I feel like I know what happened. I had time to work on my inner life. You know, I had time to work on the things you don't have time to do when you're busy, right? And then you, you know, when you're burnt out and you don't get to journal and you don't get to, you know, go to therapy, you don't get to go do those things.

14:07But I had, I had a good time of three or four years of doing that. So I think by the time I got to this stage in my life, um, yeah, I just feel, um, super happy with myself. Um, even when I get criticized, you know what I mean? Like I, like if, I mean, who doesn't read the comments sometimes right it's hard not to I think it's human nature to go oh what are people saying of course and then you're like wow certain things right like I feel like me personally have experienced like my body's polarizing you know what I mean which is so it's crazy to say that but it is because I see like oh wow why did it's just like wow there's a lot of like comments and people arguing about like what I look like or like you know what I mean it's so interesting what fuels and triggers people.

14:55But I think at the end of the day, it can be really positive because you're starting conversations and that comes from confidence. And I think that's what it is. It's like when you, when you are confident, I don't know what it is, but I guess sometimes it can be threatening or very empowering. I think sometimes, yes, like people online are like so triggered by certain things, which is interesting because you never know what's going to trip people up. And the fact that you're saying like, my body is so polarizing, like, why do you think that's been well first of all my body's changed a lot I've had three kids uh I'm curvy you know and I have a curvy body and like my if you go to like where I'm where my parents are from from San Miguel my body is no big deal like everybody every girl on the beach has the same bum that I have but like it's like I love it it's true though so it's all context and just maybe they're comparing you to another era when maybe you looked different or anything like that um but I've had fun with it because I've been wearing very body con clothing and it's very empowering and I just kind of I love I love feeling this confident you know I literally didn't even wear underwear on stage till like a year ago I'm upset not even it's only been six months I only let the booty out like six months ago I'm upset Nellie I appreciate you 25 years into my career I love it.

16:14I love that you're talking about that though, because I do feel like people tell you like, oh my God, your twenties are going to be the best years of your life. And as much as those are really fun years, I do think the amount of women that I get to speak to, it is very inspiring to hear like, no, it actually only gets better because you do get to know when you're young and you're 20, as fun as you can have, you don't fully know yourself yet. You haven't fully lived enough to really like know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you like uncomfortable. And And it feels like I've now had enough conversations with these like really inspiring women to be like, oh, bitch, it only gets better.

16:49Like get ready. Like get ready for your 30s. Get ready for your 40s. Get ready for your 50s. Like that's really exciting. Yeah, because you learn, you know yourself and then you can kind of look back and not laugh at yourself, but find things charming. Like, oh, wow. Like even in my 30s seems like a lifetime ago. Right. You know what I mean? But each decade is so beautiful. But I kind of feel like as women, like we just get more confident. And when you can block out the noise of all the comments that are negative, it's like, oh, yeah, bitch, my booty looks amazing. Bye. Like, get out of here. When I was 37, I had like a flingationship.

17:21I just coined this term. Wait, sorry. Flingationship is like a fling relationship. So flingationship. Of love. With someone who was 23. And at the time, it was just like, it wasn't that big a deal. But like I was contextualizing it in my mind. I'm like, oh, that's so interesting because your perspective continues to change as you get older. And you reflect on different things in your life differently. Like my new album just came out, but I was listening to the one before it, not this one. So it's like a diary. So you can go back and go. And so for me, music is a diary. So it's kind of fun. It makes it fun.

17:53Let's talk about some of your iconic songs. Yeah, let's talk about songs. Okay. First, I just want to discuss I'm Like a Bird. It's such a classic. What inspired that song? I'm Like a Bird was inspired by I was in a relationship in my very early 20s. Right. It was like a first relationship, kind of first kind of more like very serious relationship after my long sort of long term high school boyfriend. It was the next relationship after that. And yeah, I was in a relationship and I was out in Los Angeles finishing my album kind of on my own. and I was very isolated. I was probably 20. I was 20 or 21 or something out there kind of in this little apartment just working on music.

18:39And my collaborators were kind of older than me and they had their girlfriends and their wives out there, but not me. So it was a bit lonely. And they're like, okay, write some new songs, you know, and bring them into the studio. I think it was our first day working in LA trying to finish my album after having made the rest of it in Canada. and I was sitting on a sofa. At the time, this place was called the Oakwood Suites here in LA. And you'd go to the gym and you'd see like, I don't know, like kids, I guess, who are doing, I don't know if they're working with Disney or what they're working, but you know, it was the place that people went to make their dreams come true, where they would stay when they weren't yet living in LA.

19:18So I sat on a sofa and picked up my guitar and I wrote three songs that day. and uh and the third one I wrote was I'm like a bird and I'm telling you the one I wrote before was trash it was a really bad song really corny not good and you know yeah you never know you might just be on the edge of something good you know do you remember like the when you played it for everyone like on your team like was everyone like my manager was at the studio yeah my manager Chris was at the studio and and and he's like oh okay I want to hear what you wrote today so i played him the three songs and i was convinced the corny one was good oh it was really bad i can i can sing it wait please sing it for me in a second but like it's really crazy no but anyways so how corny are we talking all right so this is the one that i thought was better okay and i'm like a bird okay it goes okay wait it's like he was cock sure and i was a pussy Had it in the corner I couldn't come out He was cocksure And I was a pussy Had it in the corner I couldn't come out And I think the end was like Here kitty kitty Like I swear to I'm not even kidding I thought that was better than I'm like a bird Which I Then was the third song on The demo that I'd made that morning Melly No And my manager said I don't know Yeah okay I think I think the bird one's really good They both had bird themes One was cocksure is like a rooster.

20:55Sorry. I am literally like. That's a little zany. No. This is like the best thing I've heard all day. To know that it was between like a cock and a pussy versus a bird. Yeah. Oh my God. Watch that literally trend on TikTok now and people are going to cup that. Isn't it funny though? Because I actually forgot about that until like a couple months ago. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy that I had written a very horrible song and a song that might be quite good right after. I mean I'm Like a Bird is I feel like forever going to be iconic I'm curious because that song is so inspiring right have you ever walked away from someone that you felt like was holding you back like in a romantic relationship well that song was about that yep so that song uh I did I did want to I did want to break up you know with that guy so so I kind of wrote the song oh my god did you write the song and then break up with it well I sent it to him and he and he and he said hey i feel like i heard the song like what's up nelly yeah i did yeah so you no context you just sent him the song well i was like oh this is my latest thing yeah no but no i think i ended up that i ended that relationship on tour but it was literally it wasn't very it was like from a payphone you know on tour like i was with my band you know like it was one of those moments but it's very normal it's kind of like you know your college boyfriend right you know and then you move on so that was my college just like making music and touring so I only did one year of college so then I met him around that time so yeah I had to make my dreams come true and you had to I had things to do and places to be so but like not like a bad as sad as it is to get broken up with for him it is kind of iconic that there is a man out there that can be like that song is about me like that is pretty fucking cool i'm sorry like i would take that song being written about me icon icon historically are you usually the one ending relationships or are you oh i like this question um i've been dumped before okay yeah only once oh yeah it is a flex no that's not true two or three times but more like when i was younger but but yeah like i being having your heart actually broken by someone that doesn't want to be with you anymore really hurts really badly so yeah it's really really upsetting and I hadn't experienced that till like much later in life till quite recently in the last five years and that was uh really hard for me because I wanted to hang on I wanted to hang on and I didn't get it and I built up a lot of expectations and things based on things that maybe were more about me and selfishness right and then it was like okay like when do I come to grips with reality but I've also left yes I've been the ender breaker upper yeah do you think it's easier to be the person breaking up or getting broken up with oh my god it's hard it's easier to break up with someone than to have somebody dump you you being dumped is the worst it is pretty hard I think no no no it's the best though because tell us oh because then you go it's that whole thing like you gotta hit dirt man you gotta you gotta hit rock bottom i have hit rock bottom before and it's a it's beautiful because then i just come out so strong and it's good and i'm not saying it's like perfect and i'm like oh you know we we wear our wounds don't we yeah like our wounds never really go away i don't think we can work on them you know what i mean we can work on them but like that's okay you know you have stuff to deal with stuff have to work through but um but yeah I think I think it could be a good place love bottom of like oh you know what I go back to a lot oh he's just not that into you just look up if you're ever struggling with somebody who's broken up with you or somebody even anybody a flingation ship something like that and you feel they're not giving you the attention you want and and something's off just like go look up quotes from he's just not that into you it is so healing because you're often i've done it before i think twice in my life where i'm like oh humbling it's good it's good stuff me too yeah i'm obsessed with you you're like yeah it's great stuff it really just knocks you back to reality yeah because it's that whole if you wanted to he would thing right absolutely it's so true it is it is if we're girls if we wanted to we would right done okay one of my personal favorite songs of yours is man eater how would you describe the woman you're singing about essentially this is so interesting so I really did kind of base that off of a woman that um was friends with at the time that was like a colleague was like engaged to her and she was a knockout and just really was did personify that man eater energy and um what at the time what I really really felt at the time when I was making that whole album with Timbaland and when we're making Maneater as I did feel very I was actually only about 26 or something when I wrote that song but I felt like there's something really empowering about masculine and feminine energy together you know what I mean when somebody embodies both and I was trying to capture that in a song and I really feel that when I play it live it feels primal it feels like it's for everyone it's like it's like almost like a verb like you're man-eatering you're like man-eatering right now you're man-eatering yeah I think it's an energy you know it's such a confident song I actually play a part of it in my tour because I'm like you do oh I can't wait for you to see it Nellie it's like all of these men come up and they're like magic mic dancers around me and I'm just in my element I'm the only woman on stage and it's like it is like this empowering feeling when you hear that song.

26:45I love that. I love that for people. It's so good. Did anyone in your team ever, when you have like the song, you're like the pussy cock, the bird, the man eater, promiscuous girl. Did anyone ever think that it was like too edgy or was everyone around you? Like, we love this. No, not really. I think I was like just making that record in Miami. I was feeling the vibes. I was feeling myself. I'd spent all day in a bathing suit, like playing with my kid on the beach, you know, like I was feeling myself in the sun, to be totally honest and i was newly single see every time god newly single brought us oh my god yeah that's amazing i just kind of had fresh energy that kind of seeing the world through new like i guess red colored glasses i love it yeah the energy is very like red and like passionate um but also with promiscuous i actually didn't write that chorus it was timbaland's idea it was Yeah, it was.

27:37And then I sat down and finished the lyrics with Attitude, this amazing rapper that he was working with at the time. And I was hesitant, but my good friend Jim Bean sat me down. He's like, I think this is authentic. And I really like this energy and you sound great on it. And I did know that I laced up the verses and I sounded good and all that. And now when I sing it, I love it. It's like karaoke time. It's promiscuous is another one of my favorites. I made a really bad music video too when I was younger, which you'll never see. um can you tell me though like from that song how has your because it is a very again emboldening empowering song how has your relationship to your sexuality evolved over the years

28:33how has your relationship to your sexuality evolved over the years that's a good question and i will also give a quick shout out to the music i grew up on so salt and pepper tlc trailblazers those girl groups in the late 90s when I was a teenager I was coming of age 14 15 I was blessed to have that music to listen to it was like Mary J Blige TLC salt and pepper and they were giving this empowered sexuality and choice it was about choice it was about I'm in control of my choices and that was the energy we wanted to capture with a song like promiscuous it's a choice it's an even playing field I think to feel sexy to feel sensual you have to spend time on yourself.

29:14You have to spend time alone. You have to spend time, um, just, you have to, um, tap into pleasure, which is joy, right? Joy is pleasure, right? So if you really feel and, and, and embodied like in your body, like, I'm not going to lie. Like I feel, I feel pretty sexy when I'm like dancing, you know, like I'm in the dance studio because it's such an act of self-love to apply your mind and body to something like choreography and to just be to feel that uh I would say it's like almost like an equilibrium yeah and I think from there you can feel very confident you know and I think it's something you develop I think your sexuality is something you develop you know as when you start you know whenever in your early teens and then you do you just develop for the self you know and I think that's a healthy place to start you know I think that's such a good like piece of advice because I think sometimes women can really feel like oh my gosh like whether they were repressed when they were younger or religion or whatever folds into it or shame like sometimes we can feel like maybe I just am not as sexual of a person as I want it to be or maybe I don't feel as empowered to like own it and it's really like if you know the more you know yourself the more you'll know what you enjoy and the more that you'll feel confident to be able to explore but it's almost like it's a quiet game you know what I mean yes you're just on the search for whatever like makes you feel your best and no one can tell you and you shouldn't ever search for it through someone else no I mean I think people can teach you you know like I think you can grow in relationships like I think you can grow and you can kind of like pick up things as you go and like that ebb and flow again but at the end of the day yeah you gotta feel you gotta feel good you gotta feel good right um do you fall in love easily I'm changing I used to that was a pure yes Alex and I'm a lover I love love I need muses I'm a muses girl like I need I think it's because I'm an artist I'm a writer I create and it's like I grew up thinking and just feeling like I'm I love like lovers like I love to say that I love the idea of um being just really inspired and the joy in dating and like that it's like there's nothing like that but I also enjoy my solitude so much that I have had people ask me like friends like colleagues like why are you even in a relationship you have so much going on in your mind you should just date yourself how are you even able to be with and it is true I like my solitude so much that sometimes it is hard for me to be in a relationship yeah because I'm just like like get away from me it's too hard yeah it's like a always felt like more comfortable to be like more like a like a like a an enjoyable kind of like and I'm not gonna say part-time I don't know what to say no what was the thing you said earlier I don't know a flip you-ationship no uh uh what was oh a fling-ationship a fling-ationship you're you're in your you're always wanting to be in your fling-ationship is that how you say it yeah yeah there you go fling-ationship I think it's fun kind of um i don't know i follow my my passions and my lust and my uh my interest too i do have adhd and i think it's affected me uh women experience it differently than men uh i was only recently diagnosed but i read a great book and it talked about how even as women with adhd we can pick partners that kind of make us feel like we're in the passenger seat because you want somebody else to make all the decisions for us and we just want to coast right interesting and i found that really interesting when I read that because I was like oh yeah and I think when I'm on my own I'm more able to kind of navigate to my whole life in a way that works for my brain and for my comfort levels oh but I do love love and I do love falling in love and I find that fun still but I think my priorities have changed I mean I think that's amazing to even just acknowledge your priorities have changed and you even talking about like recognizing something that can affect your relationships you being like I don't want to just coast like I do want to have more control over my relationships even you just recognizing that will probably affect the next relationship you get into and how you approach it right yes and you want to stay yourself I think that's the most important thing you don't I have had a tendency to lose myself in relationships so yeah a part of why you returned to music was because you were going through a difficult breakup you talk about in these songs that experience can you share like what made this breakup so painful for you oh my god oh we need a sip of water yeah let's take a sip of water i saw your body just go two of an hour sweetie where do we begin yeah you know i don't know isn't it sort of like life you know and and then again again we talk about this experience even when you're in your 20s and you're growing everybody i mean i always wanted to have a family you know to me and have children and this we all have that dream you know of just kind of settling down and like oh now I'm at the yellow brick road this is so great oh wait and now I'm at the yellow brick road right and it comes in all these variations but um I think I just had that feeling like I had finally kind of arrived at that you know yellow brick road and it was like gonna be that for me and then it turned out that it wasn't and that's why it hit so hard you know what I mean I absolutely because it was the first time it had felt you know like that right you know where it It was like, oh, you know, where you felt like, you know, you had that profound sense of a certain kind of peace.

34:45You know what I mean? And a certain kind of certainty. Right. And it's that idea when the certainty just kind of gets pulled out from under you or the rug gets pulled out and you go, oh, my God, I have a lot to learn still. I have a lot to learn about me. And you might have had a horrible experience, you know, and for sure, like I went through a very difficult time where I think I accepted. some things that uh that I would never accept now you know in terms of um the way you're treated yeah and could you share just a little bit like not yeah I can I will say for women listening like of course I know you can't see it when you're in it sometimes you cannot at all you cannot see it at all when you're in it and sometimes we just love so hard and we love and I'm sure there's women out there too you know when we become mothers we're quite vulnerable when we become mothers because we just want what's best for our kids and we want to protect them and I think that in general I'll say that it can really happen to anybody feeling powerless you know what I mean you could have all the money in the world and all the resources but in the mind really that is your only wealth is in your mind and so um if you can't feel strong enough and clear enough to move out of a situation that might be toxic for you and not the best for you and also abusive in any way you know um I think that yeah like I'm definitely like not here to like tear you know of course anyone down or anything but i think that it's honest to say that it is hard when you're in a relationship um that has that imbalance i will say and i'll i and and abusive qualities it is hard to uh it is hard to see outside of it because you isolate yourself you stop talking to your friends you don't tell you know your friends the truth about what's going on in your life and you live in a bubble and it's hard to admit you know that you have chosen um to not say anything right it's hard to admit to yourself it is it is right and then on top of that the love, right?

37:13Love, you know, keeps you there because, oh, you want to, you know, and I will say that too. Like I think as women, I think we tend to sacrifice our happiness sometimes, you know, once we're in it. Of course. Once we've fallen in love, right? We tend to, we sacrifice ourselves sometimes. Yeah. And we think we're doing the right thing. Yeah. So often. And I appreciate you sharing that, too, because I think when you are in those situations and you get so isolated, a lot of times you're like, how would I even begin to unravel this? Right. Like, how do I even begin to get away and like to restart?

37:52Fear. Fear is huge, too, because when you have when you fear, you know, when you have fear, that can be a very powerful emotion. You can be afraid, but you can kind of like you create it in your mind. You know, you can be afraid, like, oh, what's a person going to do to me or say about me or like, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Or I don't know. You just you fear you fear that. And again, it's heightened when you have, you know, like kids and like there's whole other things to think about or. And I also agree with you because I have talked about this on the show before, too, of like the thought sometimes of leaving and all the things that you think it would take to leave.

38:30It just feels more daunting almost than just staying. Yeah. Can you share like how how do you know? I have a song about it on my album. And I appreciate you writing about it because it's like it's so real. And so many women listening to this are going to be like, Nellie, thank you. Water. Thank you for sharing, though, because it's like I do think and it's not like on you to help all these women. But it is like the more we talk about it, the more people I know someone's going to be watching at home right now being like, oh my god if Nellie was going through this and she says that she got out of it like I can too like can you share how you knew it was time and like how you actually took the steps to get away essentially um I think there were moments where I almost had the strength but again like something would keep me there you know where I was like oh this is you know this is the moment um so I think that in I will say having remarkable friends like I'm very lucky I have some really really really amazing friends really core like childhood friends that have been there for me my whole entire life and they just they just kind of knew what to say to me and knew what was too much or too little and even the hard stuff you know I have some friends that I will say to ladies out there you know what those people that are telling you what you don't want to hear those are the ones you need to keep close hopefully they know you well enough to not repel you with judgment or anything like that it's not judgment if you you can sense when it's love and I think everyone has someone you know maybe one person or one voice in their life that is maybe like reminding you when stuff is not okay and like what your worth is and what behavior is unacceptable if you cannot see it for yourself it's so true it's like you just need one person yeah you do one person yeah to just kind of be like no actually um i'm not gonna talk to you anymore if right right or whatnot but like but tough love doesn't work all the time but like it's in doses right um and i think i'm trying to think of another thing that helped me i think oh geez that's such a good question i think you have aha moments you know what i mean they just have sometimes like a moment where you're like okay you know um and then sometimes I guess I was lucky in a way because maybe like on top of it I I wasn't really the one who chose at the end of the day like you know what I mean I went through a rough time but then at the end of the day it wasn't really my decision but then I quickly learned that then okay now I'm doing me now's you know I'm doing me now it's such a vicious cycle that you can get so wrapped up into and then when you get released from something like that it can almost feel like withdrawal symptoms because you're like so used to the up and the down and the toxic like you do and then for some reason your brain only feeds you happy memories it's really weird Nellie it is so fucked up you're like maybe it was actually the restaurant the coffee shop like the movie we went to and it's like very weird it's so fucked up that's a tough phase yeah that's tough phase when your brain feeds you all these happy memories let's flood you with happy because there are happy memories right that's why you that's why you stay there because there are some great things right so it's it's tricky to navigate it is it's a big mind f-u-c-k but i really appreciate you like talking about it that way too because i know so many women write in feeling like i feel so much shame that i'm even thinking about this person that hurt me.

42:14And I feel like it's like, don't feel shame, right? No, don't feel shame about it. It's not natural. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's natural to want to, you know, to still feel a multitude of feelings and it, yeah, it's just totally normal. It's a process. You know what I mean? Because the truth is it's like anything, right? Like how many band-aids do you have? Right. And how long do those take to heal? It takes time. What is a difficult lesson that you've learned about love that you would tell your kids one day oh my god love it's funny I almost call my album let's be honest you know nothing about love oh my god stop I'm serious that was my it was either called seven or let's be honest you know nothing about love maybe I'll call the deluxe that I was about to say that's what you call it in your head and then to the world at seven you're like what it really is let's be honest you know nothing about oh my god why like the story of everyone's life right it's like we know love of course like i know great love you know i'm blessed to be a mother and have wonderful family and friends and things like that so i know what love is um but if i was to give advice on romantic love to my children i'm gonna i'm gonna vote for the golden retriever i'm sorry you gotta be best friends i think you have to have an authentic true friendship if it's about partnership you know forget all the other stuff it's about partnership but also stay you man stay you yeah and listen to your friends when you have a gut feeling your friends are usually always oh that's the other thing your gut is always right the little voice in your head that tells you and this is not even this like and this is past relationship but right the little voice it's always right yeah and it's so hard because i know it's so cliche to say but it's like then why do we always ignore her gut why are we always like but that's like we gaslight ourselves i have a song actually i think i'm gonna put on my box called gaslight yeah another album title was red flags oh my god too relatable i'll take these um so anyways yeah so gaslight we gaslight ourselves in a way you know what i mean because it's like boom boom boom boom oh it's it yeah it's like an echo chamber can you share like how do you get your confidence back after a breakup oh me um kind of like exercise and going out I started to go out a lot oh after my breakup I was ready I was like I'm because it was such a long dwindling breakup but by the end I was like okay I'm dating now this is awesome like I'm gonna see after we did you know all the ending stuff and then I and I yeah just went out and had fun and just I think I like really found um a lot of joy in like dressing up again and like clothing and fashion and yeah because I think I was like really kind of wearing like a mommy uniform for like three years what was your mom my place was a block away from the target oh what were we buying at target okay I will I do remember taking my my teenager on a tour of target of a university because she was shopping for universities out in California.

45:28I thought my shirt was nice, but it would look like a tablecloth because it was blue and white checkers, but it wasn't even a flattering cut. And I didn't have time to shop, so I would just grab whatever I saw. Nothing against Target, but like... I love Target. Yeah, Target's fun. You can find great stuff, but I think that I didn't diversify. Got it. I wasn't really, like, I didn't have time. I didn't have time. I didn't have time. Or I just wore stuff that was baggy, which is totally normal. like I breastfed all my kids yeah of course you're gonna you need easy access so you just weren't like boobs you do so you just weren't feeling yourself as much and then once you got through the breakup you're like you know what I'm gonna like start putting my cute outfits on I'm gonna do my glam I'm gonna get out there I'm gonna go have fun well the studio helped me too so I started going to the studio and I started writing I started recording music again and I got so many emotions out oh my god I got so many emotions out of the studio I would cry in there I would get angry in there it was so good for me such a good therapy wait is it is it true that you actually wrote like 400 songs i did yeah nelly can you just like rewind and tell me like how like if this house was my studio what i would do is i would have just like we're in la today so i'd be like who's in la today which are my friends are in la which producers which writers which friends and that's what informed this album this album is really just like a let's party type of album because I was getting over a breakup and I was like my social life became the studio oh so like you know like I I you know I don't I wasn't in the mood to like go away and write songs by myself on a guitar it was like no we're bringing everybody in I would invite like people after their concerts to come hang out and make music with me yeah and then my daughter was really coaching me on too because she was having fun in there too so it was like we're making music now or we're we're we're doing with this like really cooking now and like really having fun how do you pick between 400 songs of what to put on an album i like to stay up late making music till really late till like the sun comes up and i get really inspired and i get my bongo drum just joking

47:30picturing you in there with a bongo drum like let's go let's go my djembe and i just go till seven no but it's pretty much yeah we just like a bunch of music we just have fun and um the way i pick the songs oh my god it's almost like i always say like you when you go and like you you put flowers together at a flower shop it's like why do you like those flowers right and i think it's also like whatever goes together and it's like a bit like a fashion collection just kind of putting it together i love it one session i had had like a bunch of different people who like didn't even necessarily make music like i think at one time like like a like a comedian and ended up in there this girl and i was like oh this is what you got like i'm very like and i'm a hippie that way like if you were i would make you sing no yes i believe anybody can write a song i've done that before i've done like art wait let's do it right now how do you start okay how do you start writing a song like where does you even start i'd be like what's your favorite uh childhood vacation you went on oh shit oh like disneyland see how it's got you in your feels yeah I'm like oh my god so we start there okay so like you're in a Disneyland so what did you like about it oh just like the euphoric feeling of seeing these things come to life that I always saw on TV yes yes just like so you'd be like oh like euphoria everything's telling me a story yeah oh seen it before yeah seen it before yeah yeah you know what I mean i am fucking chilled that's how i write that's how i write starts a song in two seconds yeah oh then we'd go somewhere with it if i keep going but yeah i am fucking obsessed yeah i am not okay thank you fireworks above the castle blowing my mind no your voice every night it's like whatever me just being like okay for the rest of the interview just saying no and then we call it Disneyland What is your stance on breakup sex Oh that's a good question I mean I think it's necessary at a certain stage It is let's be honest aren't we honest on this show we're being very honest today nelly i think that's all we're doing come on i love it i mean it's all it's like energy you have to like you know squeeze the lemon right it's like squeeze the lemon until the juice is gone so that's what it's like so then i'm one day like well this lemon has no more juice so no more breakup sex yeah i think it's natural that is and i want to hear from other people too yeah i think that's a great take i love that take right guys when they break up with something like yeah yes well yeah we might have seen each other once or twice last week literally literally um okay so are you single right now okay you're single when dating though like i'm dating but i'm dating different people oh yeah just like yeah you've got like a little roster going on i mean i'm not a roster but it's like I feel like that's derivative yeah yeah I like the roster I've got a plethora of options no I mean I call it the flingation ships flingation so it's like oh like it's like a potential I will say that I have like there's different potentialities and there's different like um levels of like interest and just kind of and romance in different areas I will say I'll describe it that way are you going so yes I'm single again love I've been single for a couple years what is your ideal date I went on a really nice date recently.

51:24Oh. Where it was daytime. Okay. Yeah. We love that. Yeah. I kind of like, I think I recommend the daytime date for a first date because it's broad daylight. So the particular date, it was very hot. So I was like very sweaty, but that was unfortunate. I actually had boob sweat. A classic. I know. Or just like dinner, like that type of thing. I love being like, yeah, just kind of like. Chill. Yeah. Just going out for dinner. But I like the idea of dressing up for a date sometimes. if it's appropriate but ironically i like never have time so like get ready so fast but but i do like that idea yeah would you ever bring a guy to one of your shows i brought guys to my shows yeah but it's like it's not really fair because they just go oh my god right they're gonna just like fall in love immediately they're like i love you it's like show me so different but it is cool because you get to show like what you do true you know what i mean but they're immediately in love i mean yeah it's pretty awesome the concert's awesome like it's cool you know you can see me go up there and do my thing like oh my god yeah so i'm i'm yeah i'm strategic about inviting when though right it's not always like appropriate or the right setting but for sure it's almost like what would be like the best weapon in the weapon shed what will be called like what would like a machete like a machete the show is like a machete move yeah you'd be like come to my show Oh, so like, you know, pull out the machete right away.

52:52You want to time it out. Anyway. What? I'm obsessed with you. What's your next question? You're like moving on. Oh my God. The machete is the show. Nelly the machete. No, I'm done. We're moving on. What are some non-negotiables that you're looking for in a partner? Like you're like, if they don't have this, I'm out. The self-work. Yeah. for actual partnership like long-term partner i would want somebody who's worked on their um self in an authentic way not in like a surface way but like more like this the spiritual side like a little bit of exploration there you know what i mean but like authentically and also like some growth in that department i would say maybe growth and like specifically like ego i think let's just pause we need some third eye coming into the mix wait like it's it's when the ego is out of control it's like it can especially when you start dating a guy you can first think it's confidence and like hot but then all of a sudden you're like oh you're a dick but yeah you want somebody confident yeah but but confidence comes from i think a genuine good heart you know what i mean i think i think for partners you want somebody with a good heart you want somebody nice yeah like I don't know why but like sometimes we're attracted to you know people aren't that nice just like to people watch how they talk to like the people you encounter like on your date or whatever when you're dating like how they treat your friends your family if your friends like them if your family likes them all those big green flags you know sometimes we don't listen to our friends and like our friends at some point don't really care like they have no agenda other than wanting you to be happy yes so when people when you guys are trying to like math it in your head like well my friends just don't get it they don't see that good side of him it's like no no your friends just want you to be happy they don't care listen to your friends if they're like he's a dick there's a reason and they're only seeing a percentage how crazy is that and they can even see he's not a good person but we rationalize in our head and it's a lot of rationalization okay back to your music you ended up taking a break from music um were you nervous at all like how people were gonna react with you coming back uh i'm very lucky because i got to tippy toe like very slowly into the waters and then things kind of lined up in a really cool way so started with I was already making music by the time I kind of showed up on stage after five years with Drake at an event in Toronto and I sang and it was like oh this is fun I realized oh maybe I have something new to offer this I've worked on myself I feel different maybe I'll be better at my job now you know I'm older better wiser that vibe then I started booking more shows I booked a show in Australia where I met Dom Dalla.

55:33Then we make this track and then we're playing it at Lollapalooza and Coachella. And it's like crazy. And that his raves that he throws after his shows, like just the whole thing. So fun. So everything lined up so nicely that I was making my album while I was getting out there again. So it wasn't so scary. Right. It was baby steps. And that to me was a blessing. What did you learn about yourself from writing this new album? Oh, my God. Wow. I learned that I've become an even better like producer and person who brings people together because I got to try new ideas like I got to try like like like I have like like weird juxtapositions of people and sounds on on my album and I think that's just because oh my god I love people genuinely I have such a curious mind like I told you like I'd love to have you in the studio and I want you to sing so I am more interested in like the craft of making it almost than the outcome Does that make sense?

56:26Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Like I'm more into just like, oh, the mad scientist part, you know? Right. So like, and I found such confidence in there this time around. I've always been confident, but this time I was more open hearted. Like before I used to not like writing songs in front of people. And now I don't care. I would just turn the mic on like this, have everything blast with the speakers. It feels like you're at a live show. And then we just like hang out and have a good time. So I think I grew in vulnerability. That's amazing. Yeah. My vulnerability. Yeah. It's really incredible to see how your life has evolved and like you're such an incredible talented performer and producer and you've built an incredible family and you have these gorgeous children last question what are you the most proud of with this new album as a whole and like why do you want people to go stream it oh my god I think the album has a lot of emotion I think it has a lot of purity um and if you just want to escape like if you just want to feel like you know that music that makes you feel something for real I will humbly say that I think a lot of the songs do make you really feel something and make you really escape can I and I spent my time making it and I I definitely think it's just really good quality music oh my god genuinely Nellie Furtado but of course I'm just thinking about what do I make now right like I'm just never satisfied you I mean you have 400 in the bank like meanwhile I'm like it's I stop would you ever pull the songs from the 400 and make another album out of them I'm working on my deluxe right now.

57:50Who is your dream collab? Dream collab-o. I mean, I still think it'd be cool to have a song with Drake. I think people would love that because we're both Canadian. The lore, you know? The Toronto lore. Can you please? Our last request is, yes, an Nelly Furtado, Drake song. Putting in the request now, done. Yeah, I think it would be really good. Thank you so much for taking the time and coming on today. It was truly a pleasure. You are even better hanging out with you in person. and thank you so much. Aw, thank you for having me. This was really fun. I had a good time. Yeah, I even cried.