Nelly Furtado: Embracing the Single Life (FBF)

0:00Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Spring is officially here. The time is perfect to refresh your home and your wardrobe. Shop Ross where spring trends are everywhere. Find that flowy floral dress or the perfect sandal to kick off the season. Spring is also about creating new vibes at home and getting outside with outdoor entertaining essentials with brands you love at 20 to 60 % off other retailers prices. New looks and vibes don't mean a huge price tag. at Ross, you work your magic. Find your nearest Ross at Rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Clorox. Oh, you know, trying to keep your house clean.

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1:58Nellie Furtado, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Hi. I am so happy we are finally doing this. I'm the biggest fan. Thank you for coming today. Oh my gosh, this is so fun. So I've only been here a few minutes. I'm having so much fun. I'm having so much fun. We have to tell the Daddy Gang, who are my audience, first of all, Daddy Gang, Nellie's daughter is Daddy Gang. Can you tell me what did she say when she found out that you were coming and Call Her Daddy? well she's been wanting me to come on the show forever she's been talking about it since like we started making music for this album some of it together and uh and I was like yeah I mean I love that it'd be great like your show's amazing you're amazing love your energy so she's thrilled she's like right on and then I was like oh okay you can come help me with it so yeah her friend are here today they're excited she'd almost stayed in the room but I was like I'm just gonna be like looking at her the whole time so she's in the other room it's so fun to have you here and it's so cool to like know that your daughter is daddy gang meanwhile I'm the biggest fan of you so it's all coming full circle um you've had such an incredible career obviously you've been in the spotlight you've also made decisions to step out of it at times like when are you at your happiest oh wow in general in life yeah oh my god probably when I'm like at the park with my children just kind of like pushing them on a swing or something or but then And I'm also quite happy when I am kind of waving my freak flag at a concert and singing on my concert on stage.

3:23Because it's also my other chance to really be myself. Like, I do feel very myself when I'm on stage. Like, I'm like, this is my chance to just be as weird as I want to be. I fit in when I'm on stage. Right. I think, though, that's like a relatable, somewhat relatable idea of like we have these two sides to ourselves. Like no one is just one dimensional. Right. not at all and that is like key that is like uh-huh yes would you say you're able to have somewhat of a normal life like if you're at the park are you at the park as like mom nelly or like do people like come up to you and are you no i am very good i'm very chameleonic like not only in my music but like in the way i look so i can be i i like you wouldn't you wouldn't recognize me i mean sometimes i don't care like sometimes a little it depends what mood you're in right so true like sometimes you're like let's be social and other times you're like yeah but usually if I'm around my kids like I'm not really yeah I'm pretty I don't really want to kind of I get engage in that way okay I have to know because this is call her daddy what is the difference in your opinion dating Canadian men most American men this is such a good question now we're getting the juicy bits just so you know all my friends know this about me I love love it's my favorite topic I try to set people up all the time poorly I don't have a very good success rate so they kind of roll their eyeballs at me a little cupid but I do love American men I do but I've found some interesting Canadians along the way you have I was gonna say like if you had to say some high quality yeah what is your type my type oh it's changing okay yeah my type is changing yeah talk me about it well I'm in my 40s now so I'm about I'm 45 I'll be 46 and um it's like a new beginning for me it's like a very fun time in my life because I didn't really get to be single in my 20s right I I was pretty like locked down in relationships like from the time not locked down in a negative way but just like you know I was in really long-term relationships for much of my 20s and 30s so only recently I think in the last few years I've become single again it's so fun dating I love it you do I do love it wait Nellie because it's on my watch when I feel like it right you're like on my terms on my terms boys and it's like when you come correct you know what I mean yeah so now my type is like come correct you know they ask me out on a date or for dinner or just like Like it's all in the way, you know, the words, you know, use the sort of, yeah, I like confidence.

6:01I adore confidence. Not you saying come correct, boys. Come correct, men. I'm upset. That's a great attitude to have because I know I have a lot of single girls listening and it's like I think a lot of people want to have that like excitement towards dating. Yes. But you have to enjoy being single authentically. You can't just say, oh, yeah, I'm out here. I'm having fun dating. No. if you if you're looking for a relationship for real then be authentic about that but if that's not what you're looking for ask yourself what do you want you know and if you want to just have fun and see what's out there and and and that's fine too true you just have to know what you want but be real with it yeah we're gonna talk so much more dating first I have to acknowledge there is a another very famous musician that obviously is from Canada who you actually performed with can you please explain how you ended up singing yeah i'm like a bird with drake oh my god drake yes we go way back actually he just asked me to come sing again a couple nights ago on saturday night he's like he asked me at 11 p.m to show up at 1 a.m and i love him to death but i was like i am not showing up without glam i thought you were gonna say like i'm asleep like bitch get me glam then maybe i'll roll up i was up okay i was up but i was like it was an event it was like this really fun event in toronto and i was like no i can't drop without glam because of course you know he's so famous it'll be everywhere you're like i want to have my beat on okay i want to make sure he looks two hours fit outfit wait like you got to come snatch to the gods with the lashes and the beat you're like babe give me five hours oh my god so you just didn't go no I could I couldn't make it that time but you know obsessed but anyways yeah I do I do love him a lot he's a great guy and I think that um I mean he's done a lot for the music industry you know Toronto was a secret for a long time a secret that I loved as well growing up there and making music there in my teens my early 20s but now it's just so nice he kind of really put Toronto on a map in a different kind of way in Canada in general.

8:06But anyways, yeah, that's how that went down. The fact that you can be like, Drake, like I don't have my makeup tonight. Like I'll pass on this one. Like, oh my God. So baller. I kind of wish I did though. Cause I saw a video and he looked pretty cute. He had a yellow track suit or something and he looked good. Yeah. Shout out Drake. But then I'm like, what would I have worn? Pink? Cause it would have been all videos of yellow. And then, you know, like I love that you think of all this stuff. That's what, that's what performers do. They always think about what things like pop, especially in pop music, you think about what things look like too.

8:36I want to talk before you were a performer, because like it is such a glamorous life and we get to talk about like the outfits and the fashion and all of it. But before you were famous, you worked as a housekeeper in a motel. Yes, a chambermaid. Was that your first job? Well, that's a good question. My very first job was actually, um, it was the same year I did. Like I would jump over the fence, um, at my childhood home and I would do filing for like a home inspection company. So I would, but I would, it was long hours, but it, it was helpful, I think, to just sit there and organize. And then I got a job at the motel.

9:12It was called the Robin Hood Motel. Yes. And my mom worked there, my sister, my aunt, my cousin, my mom ran the housekeeping department. She was like the head honcho there. And so she hired me and I would every morning just show up. I mean, harder in the teen years when you're out the night before and then you get there at 6 a.m and I'm like where's the coffee right are you like hello yeah yeah and my brother was uh gardening there at the time too so we'd be like Saturday mornings like okay um but it was such a good experience because I worked there for probably 10 summers straight wow I even worked there one summer when I thought like after I graduated high school and I went to Toronto and thought I was going to be famous in two months, but reality, you know, like that's not how it works.

9:55Your goals take a while to achieve. Move back home, work there again that year when I was going to college in my hometown of Victoria. And that was the year I was like, oh, I wonder if my dreams will come true, you know, but growing up doing that was good because the work ethic, because when you get into this industry, the hours can be long when you're starting out. It's a lot of hustling. I wanted to talk about that though, because the juxtaposition of like being someone that is hardworking, working with your family, and then you get famous. And I think everyone in the world now kind of has an understanding at least of like, when you get famous, people start treating the famous person differently, right?

10:30Is there a moment that comes to mind when you really started to notice like, whoa, people are just treating me nice because I have all these things that I am famous now? That's an interesting question. I think for me in particular, my parents come from these like really really like working class roots like my parents are from the azores islands and a tight from a tiny island called san miguel like from a tiny village you know farmers you know like just they were already like picking beans and like carrying their water from you know the main water fountain to home like when they were like 10 or 11 you know what i mean they're already working at the farm by the time they're 12 and so that's what that's where i come from so you You really can't get bougie on people when you come from those.

11:18You get canceled in your family. You can get canceled. So you can. You can't even go there. Like, I have no business, like, acting like I'm better than anyone because I know I'm not, you know, because I go and I'm humbled. I think that's so fun to hear, though, because obviously, like, I didn't know that. But hearing that immediately, it does paint a better picture of, like, how you are so normal. And, like, even talking to your daughter, like, before you came in here. You're like, I need to start being bougie. I need to air. But it's interesting even talking to your daughter, how she was like, I grew up with like a very normal life because she had stepped kind of out of the spotlight.

11:55And now all the resurgence of everything and you coming out with this album and, you know, TikTok and everything. She's like, now I'm seeing my mom out there being like, oh, like, oh my God, that's Nelly Furtado. But it's cool to see that like you've been able to live a pretty normal life while also having this superstardom on the other side of your life, if that makes sense. You know what's really funny, Saurus? of a story in my mind because she said i remember you know be careful what you wish for right because she's like oh mom yeah you should start working again and then a year later she's like why are your hair appointments five hours long and your nail appointments are three hours like like you've kind of become a diva mom and i'm laughing like well but you know this is my job you're like sweetie you know mom nelly now you're about to meet nelly furtado the superstar she said what do you mean you can't pick me up at the airport and i'm like sorry my hair appointment went over she was sorry she was livid i'm obsessed oh my god it's like well you want a mom to be back at work here this i'm doing my thing i'm back to work babe it's what it takes yeah that is amazing she's like god damn it

13:13Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Spring is officially here. The time is perfect to refresh your home and your wardrobe. Shop Ross where spring trends are everywhere. Find that flowy floral dress or the perfect sandal to kick off the season. Spring is also about creating new vibes at home and getting outside with outdoor entertaining essentials with brands you love at 20 to 60 % off other retailers prices. New looks and vibes don't mean a huge price tag. At Ross, You work your magic. Find your nearest Ross at RossStores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank borrow and invest all in one place.

13:53Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is 0.39 % in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it doesn't have to be that way, Daddy Gang. with SoFi's high yield checking and savings. The money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit. No account or overdraft fees. You can get your paycheck up to two days early, plus get an epic welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up for SoFi checking and savings at SoFi.com slash call her daddy today.

14:34SoFi checking and savings is offered through SoFi Bank and a member FDIC Terms Apply. I read that magazines used to edit your photos by lightening your skin and changing your body. Oh, yeah. How did that affect you back then? It's so funny because I always find it interesting what people cling to in stories. So I did a general interview with my daughter for people, but then that became a thing like, oh, this is the story. But then I realized, oh, I get it. It's like I wrote a song about it in 2003. I think it was my second album. And, yeah, it kind of it's called powerless and it's like paint my face in your magazines, make it look lighter than it seems.

15:11Paint me over with your dreams like shove away my ethnicity. So at the time, it's more about the idea of, OK, wait, like I'm in this. But like when you're young and you're 22, 23, it's like it's a whirlwind, right? Like all of a sudden becoming successful at the career you always dreamed of. and you know if you're in it for the music like I always was um I think that all that other stuff with the visuals and the aesthetics and the oh wow they they like you and you look great on the red carpet and but then the opposite is true as well and just kind of questioning it all but um it is true yeah I bring my own clothes to photo shoots because I was like a girl like I was 21 22 young girl but yeah you'd see at the time I think yeah the beauty standard was a bit different So I think that they would Photoshop a lot and just kind of like, oh, I thought I had hips or am I?

16:00But it's it's hard anyways, because when you see yourself on TV for the first time, you know, you always look different on the camera. And it can be a little jarring to be on TV and in at the spotlight that much at a young at a young age, I guess. So when you look back, like because obviously, like, I think it's helpful. Like, I get what you're saying. You're like, wait, I did such a long interview. And that's the one thing people picked up on. I think. no I know no but I but I think it's I get what you're saying it's like that I think for a lot of people now pick up on things because people finally do feel more comfortable to talk about things that were kind of like hey that was kind of a weird decision like am I not good enough as me like yes when do you oh my god when you look back like when did you feel you're most confident when you were younger you know what's so funny I feel the most confident now what do you think 100%.

16:52Wow. It's now. I don't know. Something happened. I don't know. I just had like, I had the 40s glow up. I was just like, wow, I just feel like me. You know, I feel like I know what happened. I had time to work on my inner life. You know, I had time to work on the things you don't have time to do when you're busy. Right. And then you, you know, when you're burnt out and you don't get to journal and you don't get to, you know, go to therapy. You don't get to go do those things. But I had I had a good time of three or four years of doing that. So I think by the time I got to this stage in my life.

17:26Yeah, I just feel super happy with myself. Even when I get criticized, you know what I mean? Like I like if I mean, who doesn't read the comments sometimes? Right. It's hard not to. I think it's human nature to go. Oh, what are people saying? Of course. And then you're like, wow, certain things, right? Like I feel like me personally have experienced like my body's polarizing. You know what I mean? Which is so, it's crazy to say that, but it is. Because I see like, oh, wow, why did, it's just like, wow, there's a lot of like comments and people arguing about like what I look like or like, you know what I mean?

18:03It's so interesting what fuels and triggers people. But I think at the end of the day, it can be really positive because you're starting conversations and that comes from confidence. and I think that's what it is it's like when you when you are confident I don't know what it is but I guess sometimes it can be threatening or very empowering I think sometimes yes like people online are like so triggered by certain things which is interesting because you never know what's going to trip people up and the fact that you're saying like my body is so polarizing like why do you think that's been well first of all my body's changed a lot I've had three kids uh I'm curvy you know and I have a curvy body and like my if you go to like where I'm where my parents are from from San Miguel my body is no big deal like everybody every girl on the beach has the same bum that I have but like it's like I love it it's true though so it's all context and just maybe they're comparing you to another era when maybe you looked different or anything like that um but I've had fun with it because I've been wearing very body con clothing and it's very empowering and I just kind of I love I love feeling this confident you know I literally didn't even wear underwear on stage till like a year ago I'm upset not even it's only been six months I only let the booty out like six months ago I'm upset Nellie I appreciate you 25 years into my career I love it I love that you're talking about that though because I do feel like people tell you like oh my god your 20s are going to be the best years of your life and as much as those are really fun years I do think the amount of women that I get to speak to it is very inspiring to hear like no it actually only gets better because you do get to know when you're young and you're 20 as fun as you can have you don't fully know yourself yet you haven't fully lived enough to really like know what makes you happy what makes you sad what makes you like uncomfortable and it feels like I've now had enough conversations with these like really inspiring women to be like oh bitch it only gets better like get ready like get ready for your 30s Get ready for your 40s.

20:04Get ready for your 50s. Like that's really exciting. Yeah, because you learn, you know yourself and then you can kind of look back and not laugh at yourself, but find things charming. Like, oh wow. Like even in my 30s seems like a lifetime ago. Right. You know what I mean? But each decade is so beautiful, but I kind of feel like as women, like we just get more confident. And when you can block out the noise of all the comments that are negative, it's like, oh yeah, bitch, my booty looks amazing. Bye. Like get out of here. When I was 37, I had like a flingation ship. I just coined this term. Wait, sorry.

20:35Flingationship is like a fling relationship. So flingationship. Of love. With someone who was 23. And at the time, it was just like, it wasn't that big a deal. But like I was contextualizing it in my mind. Like, oh, that's so interesting. Because your perspective continues to change as you get older. And you reflect on different things in your life differently. Like my new album just came out. But I was listening to the one before it. Not this one. So it's like a diary. So you can go back and go. And so for me, music is a diary. So it's kind of fun. It makes it fun. Let's talk about some of your iconic songs.

21:07Yeah, let's talk about songs. Okay. First, I just want to discuss I'm Like a Bird is such a classic. What inspired that song? I'm Like a Bird was inspired by I was in a relationship in my very early 20s. Right? It was kind of like a first relationship, kind of. first kind of more like very serious relationship after my long sort of long-term high school boyfriend it was the next relationship after that um and yeah I was in a relationship and I was out in Los Angeles finishing my album kind of on my own I was very isolated I was probably 20 I was 20 or 21 or something out there kind of in this little apartment um just working on music and my collaborators were kind of older than me and they had their girlfriends and their wives out there but not me so it was a bit lonely and um they're like okay write some new songs you know and bring them into the studio I think it was our first day working in LA trying to finish my album after having made the rest of it in Canada and I was sitting on a sofa at the time this place was called the Oakwood Suites here in LA and uh you'd go to the gym and you'd see like I don't know like kids I guess who are doing I don't know if they're working with Disney or what they're working but You know, it was the place that people went to make their dreams come true, where they would stay when they weren't yet living in L.A.

22:30So I sat on a sofa and picked up my guitar and I wrote three songs that day. And and the third one I wrote was I'm Like a Bird. And I'm telling you, the one I wrote before was trash. It was a really bad song. Really corny. Not good. You know, yeah, you never know. You might just be on the edge of something good. You know, do you remember? like the when you played it for everyone like on your team like was everyone like my manager was at the studio yeah my manager Chris was at the studio and and and he's like oh okay I want to hear what you wrote today so I played him the three songs and I was convinced the corny one was good oh it was really bad I can I can sing it wait please sing it for me in a second but like it's really crazy no but anyways so how corny are we talking all right so this is the one that I thought was better than I'm like a bird.

23:27It goes, okay, wait. It's like, he was cocksure and I was a pussy hiding in the corner. I couldn't come out. He was cocksure and I was a pussy hiding in the corner. I couldn't come out. And I think the end was like, here, kitty, kitty. Like, I swear to God, I'm not even kidding. I thought that was better than I'm like a bird, which I then was the third song on the demo that I'd made that morning. smelly no and my manager said i don't know yeah okay i think i think the bird one's really good they both had bird themes one was cocksures like a rooster sorry i am literally like a little zany no this is like the best thing i've heard all day to know that it was between like a cock and a pussy versus a bird yeah oh my god watch that literally trend on um tiktok now people are gonna cup that isn't it funny though because i actually forgot about that till like a couple months ago.

24:25And I was like, whoa, that's crazy that I had written a very horrible song and a song that might be quite good right after. I mean, I'm Like a Bird is, I feel like, forever going to be iconic. I'm curious because that song is so inspiring, right? Have you ever walked away from someone that you felt like was holding you back, like in a romantic relationship? Well, that song was about that. So that song, I did want to I did want to break up, you know, with that guy. So I kind of wrote the song. Oh, my God. Did you write the song and then break up with him? Well, I sent it to him. And he and he and he said, hey, I feel like I heard the song.

25:04Like. What's up? Nelly. Yeah, I did. Yeah. So you know context. You just sent him the song. I was like, oh, this is my latest thing. Yeah. No, but no, I think I ended up that I ended that relationship on tour. but it was literally it wasn't very it was like from a payphone you know on tour like I was with my band you know like it was one of those moments but it's very normal it's kind of like you know your college boyfriend or something you know and then you move on so that was my college just like making music and touring so I only did one year of college so then I met him around that time so yeah I had to make my dreams come true and you had to I had things to do and places to be so But like not like a bad as sad as it is to get broken up with for him.

25:50It is kind of iconic that there is a man out there that can be like that song is about me. Like that is pretty fucking cool. I'm sorry. Like I would take that song being written about me. Icon. Icon. Historically are you usually the one ending relationships or are you. Oh I like this question. I've been dumped before. Okay. Yeah. Only once. Oh yeah. It is a flex. No that's not true. Two or three times. but more like when I was younger but but yeah like I being having your heart actually broken by someone that doesn't want to be with you anymore really hurts really badly so yeah it's really really upsetting and I hadn't experienced that till like much later in life till quite recently in the last five years and that was uh really hard for me because I wanted to hang on I wanted to hang on and I didn't get it and I built up a lot of expectations and things based on things that maybe were more about me and selfishness right and then it was like okay like when do I come to grips with reality but I've also left yes I've been the ender breaker upper yeah do you think it's easier to be the person breaking up or getting broken up with oh my god it's hard it's easier to break up with someone than to have somebody dump you you being dumped is the worst it is pretty hard I think no no no it's the best though because tell us oh because then you go it's that whole thing like you gotta hit dirt man you gotta you gotta hit rock bottom i have hit rock bottom before and it's a it's beautiful because then i just come out so strong and it's good and i'm not saying it's like perfect and i'm like oh you know we we wear our wounds don't we yeah like our wounds never really go away i don't think we can work on them you know what i mean we can work on them but like that's okay you know you have stuff to deal with stuff to work through but um but yeah I think I think it could be a good place love bottom of like oh you know what I go back to a lot oh he's just not that into you just look up if you're ever struggling with somebody who's broken up with you or somebody even anybody a flingation ship something like that and you feel they're not giving you the attention you want and and something's off just like go look up quotes from he's just not that into you it is so healing because that often I've done it before.

28:10I think twice in my life where I'm like, oh. Humbling. It's good. It's good stuff. Me too, yeah. I'm obsessed with you. You're like, yeah, it's great stuff. It really just knocks you back to reality. Yeah, because it's that whole if you wanted to, he would thing, right? Absolutely. It's so true. It is. It's true. If we're girls, if we wanted to, we would. Right? Done. Okay, one of my personal favorite songs of yours is Maneater. how would you describe the woman you're singing about essentially this is so interesting so I really did kind of face that off of a woman that um was friends with at the time that was like a colleague was like engaged to her and she was a knockout and just really was did personify that man-eater energy and um what at the time what I really really felt at the time when I was making that whole album with Timbaland and when we're making Maneater as I did feel very I was actually only about 26 or something when I wrote that song but I felt like there's something really empowering about um masculine and feminine energy together you know what I mean when somebody embodies both and I was trying to capture that in a song and I really feel that when I play it live it feels primal it feels like it's for everyone it's like it's like almost like a verb like you're man man-eatering you're like man-eatering right now you're man-eatering yeah I think it's an energy you know it's such a confident song I actually play a part of it in my tour because I'm like you do oh I can't wait for you to see it Nellie it's like all of these men come up and they're like magic mic dancers around me and I'm just in my element I'm the only woman on stage and it's like it is it like this empowering feeling when you hear that song I love that I love that for people it's so good did anyone in your team ever when you have like the song you're like the pussy cock the bird the man eater promiscuous girl did anyone ever think that it was like too edgy or was everyone around you like we love this no not really I think I was like just making that record in Miami I was feeling the vibes I was feeling myself I'd spent all day in a bathing suit like playing with my kid on the beach you know like I was feeling myself in the sun to be totally honest And I was newly single, see?

30:26Every time. God. Newly single brought us Manny or Promiscuous Girl. Oh my God. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, just kind of that fresh energy, that kind of seeing the world through new, like, I guess, red colored glasses. I love it. Yeah, that energy is very like red and like passionate. But also with Promiscuous, I actually didn't write that chorus. It was Timbaland's idea. It was? Yeah, it was. And then I sat down and finished the lyrics with Attitude, this amazing rapper that he was working with at the time. and I was hesitant but my good friend Jim Bean sat me down he's like I think this is authentic and I really like this energy and you're you sound great on it and I did know I did know that I like I laced up the verses and I sounded good and all that and now when I sing it I love it I it's like karaoke time it's promiscuous is another one of my favorites I made a really bad music video too when I was younger which you'll never see um can you tell me though like from that song How has your because it is a very again emboldening empowering song.

31:24How has your relationship to your sexuality evolved over the years.

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33:04Shop the newest, hottest beauty only at Sephora. How has your relationship to your sexuality evolved over the years? That's a good question. And I will also give a quick shout out to the music I grew up on. So Salt-N-Pepa, TLC, Trailblazers, those girl groups in the late 90s when I was a teenager, I was coming of age 14, 15. I was blessed to have that music to listen to. It was like Mary J. Blige, TLC, Salt-N-Pepa, and they were giving this empowered sexuality and choice. It was about choice. It was about I'm in control of my choices. And that was the energy we wanted to capture with a song like Promiscuous.

33:40It's a choice. It's an even playing field. I think to feel sexy, to feel sensual, you have to spend time on yourself. You have to spend time alone you have to spend time um just you have to um tap into pleasure which is joy right joy is pleasure right so if you really feel and and embodied like in your body like I'm not gonna lie like I feel I feel pretty sexy when I'm like dancing you know like I'm in the dance studio because it's such an act of self-love to apply your mind and body to something like choreography and to just be to feel that uh I would say it's like almost like an equilibrium yeah and I think from there you can feel very confident you know and I think it's something you develop I think your sexuality is something you develop you know as when you start you know whenever in your early teens and then you do you just develop for the self you know and I think that's a healthy place to start you know I think that's such a good like piece of advice because I think sometimes women can really feel like oh my gosh like whether they were repressed when they were younger or religion or whatever folds into it or shame like sometimes we can feel like maybe I just am not as sexual of a person as I want it to be or maybe I don't feel as empowered to like own it and it's really like if you know the more you know yourself the more you'll know what you enjoy and the more that you'll feel confident to be able to explore but it's almost like it's a quiet game you know what I mean yes you're just on the search for whatever like makes you feel your best and no one can tell you and you shouldn't ever search for it through someone else no I mean I think people can teach you you know like I think you can grow in relationships like I think you can grow and you can kind of like pick up things as you go and like that ebb and flow again but at the end of the day yeah you gotta feel you gotta feel good you gotta feel good right um do you fall in love easily I'm changing I used to that was a pure yes Alex and I'm a lover I love love I need muses I'm a muses girl like I need I think it's because I'm an artist I'm a writer I create and it's like I grew up thinking and just feeling like I'm I love like lovers like I love to say that I love the idea of um being just really inspired and the joy in dating and like that it's like there's nothing like that but I also enjoy my solitude so much that I have had people ask me like friends like colleagues like why are you even in a relationship you have so much going on in your mind you should just date yourself how are you even able to be with and it is true I like my solitude so much that sometimes it is hard for me to be in a relationship yeah because I'm just like like get away from me it's too hard yeah it's like a always felt like more comfortable to be like more like a like a like a an enjoyable kind of like and I'm not gonna say part-time I don't know what to say no what was the thing you said earlier I don't know a flip you-ation ship no uh uh what was oh a fling-ation-ship a fling-ation-ship you're you're in your you're always wanting to be in your fling-ation-ship is that how you say it yeah yeah there you go fling-ation-ship I think And just kind of, I don't know, I follow my passions and my lust and my interest too.

36:58I do have ADHD and I think it's affected me. Women experience it differently than men. I was only recently diagnosed, but I read a great book and it talked about how even as women with ADHD, we can pick partners that kind of make us feel like we're in the passenger seat because we want somebody else to make all the decisions for us and we just want to coast, right? Interesting. and I found that really interesting when I read that because I was like oh yeah and I think when I'm on my own I'm more able to kind of navigate to my whole life in a way that works for my brain and for my comfort levels oh but I do love love and I do love falling in love and I find that fun still but I think my priorities have changed I mean I think that's amazing to even just acknowledge your priorities have changed and you even talking about like recognizing something that can affect your relationships you being like I don't want to just coast like I do want to have more control over my relationships even you just recognizing that will probably affect the next relationship you get into and how you approach it right yes and you want to stay yourself I think that's the most important thing you know I have had a tendency to lose myself in relationships so yeah a part of why you returned to music was because you were going through a difficult breakup you talk about in these songs that experience can you share like what made this breakup so painful for you oh my god oh we need a sip of water yeah let's take a sip of water i saw your body just go two of an hour sweetie where do we begin yeah you know i don't know isn't it sort of like life you know and and then again again we talk about this experience even when you're in your 20s and you're growing everybody i mean i always wanted to have a family you know to me and have children and this we all have that dream you know of just kind of settling down and like oh now I'm at the yellow brick road this is so great oh wait and now I'm at the yellow brick road right and it comes in all these variations but um I think I just had that feeling like I had finally kind of arrived at that you know yellow brick road and it was like gonna be that for me and then it turned out that it wasn't and that's why it hit so hard you know what I mean I absolutely because it was the first time it had felt you know like that right you know where it It was like, oh, you know, where you felt like, you know, you had that profound sense of a certain kind of peace.

39:19You know what I mean? And a certain kind of certainty. Right. And it's that idea when the certainty just kind of gets pulled out from under you or the rug gets pulled out and you go, oh, my God, I have a lot to learn still. I have a lot to learn about me. And you might have had a horrible experience, you know, and for sure, like I went through a very difficult time where I think I accepted. some things that uh that i would never accept now you know in terms of um the way you're treated yeah and could you share just a little bit like not yeah i can i will say just for women listening of course i know you can't see it when you're in it sometimes you cannot at all you cannot see it at all when you're in it and sometimes we just love so hard and we love and i'm sure there's women out there too you know when we become mothers we're quite vulnerable when we become mothers because we just want what's best for our kids and we want to protect them and I think that in general I'll say that it can really happen to anybody feeling powerless you know what I mean you could have all the money in the world and all the resources but in the mind really that is your only wealth is in your mind and so um if you can't feel strong enough and clear enough to move out of a situation that might be toxic for you and not the best for you and also abusive in any way you know um I think that yeah like I'm definitely like not here to like tear you know of course anyone down or anything but i think that it's honest to say that it is hard when you're in a relationship um that has that imbalance i will say and i'll i and and abusive qualities it is hard to uh it is hard to see outside of it because you isolate yourself you stop talking to your friends you don't tell you know your friends the truth about what's going on in your life and you live in a bubble and it's hard to admit you know that you have chosen um to not say anything right it's hard to admit to yourself it is it is right and then on top of that the love, right?

41:47Love, you know, keeps you there because, oh, you wanna, you know, and I will say that too. Like I think, as women, I think we tend to sacrifice our happiness sometimes, you know, once we're in it. Of course. Once we've fallen in love, right? We tend to, we sacrifice ourselves sometimes. Yeah. And we think we're doing the right thing. Yeah. So often. And I appreciate you sharing that, too, because I think when you are in those situations and you get so isolated, a lot of times you're like, how would I even begin to unravel this? Right. Like, how do I even begin to get away and like to restart? Fear.

42:26Fear is huge, too, because when you have when you fear, you know, when you have fear, that can be a very powerful emotion. You can be afraid, but you can kind of like you create it in your mind. You know, you can be afraid, like, oh, what's the person going to do to me or say about me or like, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Or I don't know. You just you fear you fear that. And again, it's heightened when you have, you know, like kids and like there's whole other things to think about or. I and I I also agree with you because I have talked about this on the show before, too, of like the thought sometimes of leaving and all the things that you think it would take to leave.