Nikki Glaser: Foreplay, Fetishes, & Face Lifts

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43:01Let's talk about your boyfriend. Yeah. Chris. Yes. You guys have been together for over a decade. On and off, though, right? On and off. Yeah. Why have you guys been so on and off? Because I think if any couple's being really honest, they would be on and off, too. If you could really take a break from your husband, not you, but like a general you, you maybe would. And we just do. Or at least I will call for one when I see it's necessary to like. How do you call for one? I just say like, I don't want to, you know, do this right now anymore. Like I'm not having fun in our relationship. You know, like when you're going through a phase of like, I don't really want to be around this person.

43:41Like, and he will feel that way too. Like it's, you know, I think. And also like I, I didn't, he's like been my first boyfriend like ever. Like I had some like stuff before. We met when I was 29. and I'm 41 now. So he's been the only consistent thing. And I had some flings when we would be like, you know, in our off years, but he's my only like boyfriend. So there's sometimes that urge of like, what if I haven't experienced the best that I could have? And like, this is hard right now. So I just don't want to do it. Can we just put this on hold? And like, and if we're meant to be, we'll come back together because we always do when we haven't found anyone else or like there isn't something better.

44:19Like, I don't know. I just feel like I would like to be in a relationship that I could call off whenever I want and take a break and not have to like keep in touch all the time and talk. But do you when you take a break and you're like, OK, let me go see if I like like anyone else. Have you ever then like gone on dates and been like it makes me miss him more because this person is such a fucking loser in front of me? Yeah. Well, like I used to have a joke that was like, you know, we break up and then I date other guys and I look back at him and I'm like, oh, my God, he's the best I can do. And that's kind of what you realize sometimes is like, I thought I could do better in whatever way, like not looks wise or whatever, but just like, Yeah.

44:52He's not doing this for me. So I'm going to find a guy that does this. And then you realize, oh, no, he's lacking all these things that he had. So, yeah, that has happened. I have definitely we've because we've been like broken up before, not just like a break. And I've like had other things. But yeah, it's like we got back together after being broken up for like four years because I moved back to St. Louis during COVID. He's also from St. Louis. And we were both back there. And we're like, let's just hang out. And then that just turned into it worked out. Yeah. How does he deal with because even though he's a producer like you make some crazy jokes that are great jokes has there ever been one that pushed him over the edge where afterwards you guys get home and you're like okay this is for sure I think there's been you know I think there's been times for everyone in my life that's been close to me where they've gotten stung a little bit by something I've said that just was a little too honest and like you know I was watching Hacks last night and you know gene smart's character was like just said something that hurt her daughter's feelings she was like i don't know why it's so much easier for me to say this stuff to strangers than to the person that it's for but sometimes i like would air out an anger thing that i was resenting and i put it in a joke not even thinking i hope he hears this and he gets it but it would just like i would realize after the fact he would be like that one joke like kind of seemed unnecessary and i'd be like oh yeah i think subconsciously i was trying to hurt your feelings Like I would never do it consciously, but there's been stuff like that.

46:13But he actually kind of, you know, has always said, which is something I'd really admire about him, is that if it's funny, you can do it. Like as long as it gets a laugh. If it doesn't and you're just like being a dick. Yeah. How did he feel when you said that you would shoot him in the face for a chance to blow Tom Brady? He was there when that joke was written. And I turned to him and I was like, is that OK? And he's like, yeah, it's great. I was like, are you sure? And I was like, but I'm going to like reference you and look at you and like do like a thing like you're my boyfriend. I love you and then I'm gonna shoot you in the face and he was like it's if he was like let's try it out tonight like you know I was trying he was like and if it works of course like he didn't care at all because he knows he's like it's genius and it's such a clear joke too I think that's the other thing when something that's the good thing about comedy is that even stuff that's real that might be insulting to him um as long as it's getting a laugh it's okay by his definition but even if it's like his parents see it or his friends see it there's always the guise of like She's just joking.

47:10Yeah, yeah, yeah. That thing that might be real, what I'm talking about, that's just a joke. It's a joke. Yeah. Oh, that's nice cover. So you always have that. It's always a cover. That's good. And that is nice. Because sometimes it is a joke. Sometimes it's a hyperbole. I'm exaggerating. But a lot of times I will say people think things are jokes. And I'm like, that's absolutely true. You're like, that was 100 % true. Or someone thinks it's real. And I'm like, that was so made up. Oh, you got it made. Yeah. Like, yeah. But that protects me for sure. Do you have a celebrity hall pass? You know, I think like, you know, I think there's as I'm like, you're like, I wouldn't want to say who it is because it would just like I think that would actually be mean that it was eliminated because he would be like, well, that's you trying to make it happen.

47:52Has to happen naturally or something like that. Do you think you could hook up with this person? I think that I think he's a really good guy and he would he was always said like you know especially after the Tom Brady rose and after my star kind of rose to these like new levels of like being around a-listers he's like if there is someone that you your whole life have like longed for and they want to fuck you like you should like that's too good like and not that he wants that and he would get turned on by it at all like there's none of this like cuckold stuff he's just like wants me to have the experiences that and that is like that's like asking someone to not collect their lottery winnings.

48:27Like, it's so rare to get to where I am in life where that would ever happen. And it hasn't happened. And I wouldn't even want it to because, like, the circumstances in which it would have to happen, I'm like, well, could I DM them? He's like, no, you can't pursue it. It has to be, like, natural. I'm like, well, that's never gonna happen for me, so. Wait, have you ever met your hall pass? I'm trying to think of the one. Yes, I have. And he is, like, married with kids, but he's, like, my hall pass from, like, my crush in, like, high school. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So there's one on my mind, But there's like probably another one that I would be like, oh, yeah, but he would never be into me because of like age stuff.

49:00Younger or older? I don't know. But I like in a relationship, I don't really care if my boyfriend were to hook up. OK, I read about that. Yeah. We need to talk about that. But that is not a two way street. Like I'm not someone who likes to hook up when I'm in a relationship. I'm not really like I don't really care about that. I, you know, but I don't care if someone else were to. Hold on. In fact, I like kind of like it. It's kind of it's a problem, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we need to talk about this. You told Howard Stern that commitment felt like admitting defeat or settling. Do you still feel that way?

49:38No, I don't feel that way anymore. I feel no. I mean, they're innately. It is settling. You do not know that the person you are with is the best person for you. You haven't, there's too many people on this planet. You haven't met any of them. You never will. So you have to settle. There could be someone better for you. And statistically, there probably is. There's, you know, like there is. The odds that you met the person out of 8 billion people on the planet that's best for you are kind of low. But I do think that whoever you end up with, luckily people end up in like the top 10 % of people who are most compatible for them in the planet.

50:16And that's like a win. but there's other people that would be good for you. And I don't believe in soulmates and I do believe you have to go like, you know what? This is the best I can do right now and I'm going to just cash in my chips because I probably could do better, but who knows? How does Chris feel about that? He totally understands it. There's someone better for him too. Do you think you're the love of his life? No, no. I mean, I'm a love of his life, but I would not even, I just think that he has many loves of his life probably and that there's probably a woman that is so much more compatible for him than me, like, would be so much better, like, truly.

50:53And that doesn't hurt your feelings? No, I don't care at all because, like, he's not going to meet her. Like, what are the odds? And if he does, I would be like, be with her. Go to her because I want you to have the best life ever and I don't want to stop you from finding – and then I'll probably just have to go find someone that's better for me. But, like, it would suck for me to see him have a connection with someone that I'm like, God, she would go hiking with him and she would go to Machu Picchu and all the shit I don't want to do. And like, she's also funny and cool. And like, they're the same height.

51:20Like that would be good. Like, and she like, if I saw things that was a better compatibility, I wouldn't have a problem letting that. I mean, it would be hurt, but it wouldn't be the end of my life. Do you think though, that this is you being a very, very evolved, mature human being? Or does this fall in the category of like, kind of like dark comedian shit where you're like a little fucked up? And I want to be clear. It is not pick me because this comes off pick me of like, I don't care if my boyfriend fucks another girl. I'm cool with it. Cheat on me. I know how lame it comes across. I sometimes don't like to tell guys about this thing that I have where I'm like, you know, this is separate than the soulmate thing.

51:56I don't care if a guy has a sexual connection with a girl and he was to use protection and just have sex with her for a night. I literally wouldn't care if my husband did that. I don't know why. I don't know why. if he were to like watch the wire with her or like do crossword puzzles or like text up like send memes and stuff I would be like what the fuck are you doing like that's our thing like emotional cheating would hurt me but like physical I'm just like I kind of I just feel like I understand how sex is for men most of the time outside of a relationship it's just kind of transactional and it's just like they just want to nut and it's not about like I want to spend my life with this woman so it wouldn't feel i just i don't know i just wouldn't care as much so our barometer is no emotional cheating yeah totally physically cheating is good but i understand emotional cheating like if something were to happen where i would want them to tell me about it i would be obviously hurt but i would understand being drawn to someone else that you have a good connection with because it's like it's hard to when you just find someone and it's monogamy you brain doesn't turn off he's still gonna be attracted to other women he's still gonna like be interested in other girls and have good conversations and stuff so I could see something developing and I would be heartbroken that it happened especially if it went on without me knowing about it but I would I would always ask anyone I was with to be like if you develop feelings for a while let's tell me and we'll deal with it like I just don't want to be blindsided but if you want to have sex with someone else also tell me about it because I want to like see what she looks like and like ask you about it okay wait hold on so do you identify as like poly or like open relationship I don't want like another girlfriend I don't want and I don't want to like be in bed with you guys together.

53:31Not even in the same room. No, I don't want to like be and I don't want to be in the chair in the corner like cuckolded like, you know, like watching my boyfriend. I just want to hear about it later. OK, you call this the hot husband fetish, which is essentially when you want your partner to have sexual experiences with other people outside of the relationship. Yeah. So when did this start for you, Nikki? Let's go back. This started with my boyfriend when I was 29 because I really hadn't had a boyfriend before then. And he would tell me about, like, I would always ask him about, like, past hookups and girlfriends and how they got together.

54:03Like, I was, like, the beginning. Like, how did you guys first know you liked each other? Like, I love that, like, our legs were touching on our table and neither of us moved our leg or stuff like that. I'd be like, so, like, I don't know. It would make me, like, horny to, like, think about him doing that with other girls. And then I would, so I'd ask about all of his, like, girlfriends or anyone he had hooked up with, like, all the details about it. And it would really be, like, a foreplay for me. Like, I would get, like, revved up talking about it. and then it reached a point where he was out of stories like he had gone through all of them and I was like and that it's almost like he was telling the same ones and I was like I know this one so it wasn't as exciting anymore because I was getting the same stuff so I was like I know this is I like I had never heard of anything like this I felt so weird but I was like I think I need you to like get some more stories you need new material yeah I was like I I need you to like go out there and just do just have a flirty moment with someone like anything where I can feel like maybe it's my competitive nature of like i want a guy who other girls want like i i like something that is like you know you want a handbag that other girls are like oh my god i'm dying to get that that's relatable that is relatable like yeah i like i have experienced that like masochism to a certain degree where i'd be like tell me about every ex tell me about all the things like that part of the beginning of the relationship or were you like i want to know because i know it definitely like made me be like okay now i'm gonna like fuck you 10 times better tonight yes okay yes it's like showing their value that they are valued by other women because i respect women and women's opinions i do this all comes back to hating men this whole thing is like men are disgusting and they need to get their boners fixed immediately and i don't really want to fix your boner but i love women i want my boyfriend to fuck other women because i just love women so much i'm such a feminist hold on this is this is all about this is not pick me this is pure feminism hold on exactly thank you for getting to the root of it So you then tell this to Chris.

55:53And was he like, this is a trap? You're out of your mind? They always think it's a trick. Like, you know, he was just, he knew that I was a sincere person and wasn't the type of girl to like, I wasn't a jealous person up until this point. So I don't think he was like getting any of that vibe of like, she's just trying to test me. So it was like, are you serious? You really want that? Okay. Like, how should this happen? And like, and so I was like, you know what, if you do it and I don't like it, because I don't know how I'll feel. Like I've never done this before. So I don't know how I'll feel if my boyfriend, you're my first boyfriend ever.

56:25And so how will I feel if you have a flirty moment with another girl? So just like try it. And if I don't like it, we can stop and just don't, just don't do like, don't kiss her, but like, see if you, like, if you could, like, if you get to a place where you're like, maybe you even go, I can't, I have a girlfriend, like something like that. But I don't make her feel bad about it. Yeah. And don't make her feel like she's being like, actually, you know, like I was very careful to like, always let the girlfriend girl know you have a girlfriend. to do this and just let her know that that i'm okay with it the way i'm picturing you having this fucking conversation with chris you're like i remember oh wait and another thing um and he's wait and one more thing what if you also like wear those jeans that i like and what if you tell her and he's like oh anything else i remember it so vividly it literally was like that and i remember the first time anything happened i did feel uh like a thing of uh jealousy came up where i was like i think it was about i hadn't communicated that i need her to know that i exist and I think I felt a little bit sad that maybe she thought there was something with this guy that wasn't gonna happen and I've been that girl so many times whether the guy's lying about having a girlfriend or he's like just casually dating someone he's making it seem like it's not serious but it he just that I he's leading me on and I don't have a chance devastating so I think that tripped me up a little bit but I was kind of into it I really was did he hook up with a girl he's done some stuff yeah he probably wouldn't appreciate me elaborating on that but like Like there's been interesting things that have been like really fun for me to like hear about and experience.

57:54And fun for him too because, you know, you get older. He's 45. And I'm like, get out there. Like get some – know that you're a sexual being again. Like sometimes I'm like too busy to be really sexy. So I'm like, get out and get some attention. Does it freak you out to be open about this? Like do you think people judge you guys? Yeah. Every time I bring it up, I'm like, God, here she goes again. Like, because women, I think women, I've never, I have not yet, I maybe met one woman that felt this way, like, exactly how I feel in my whole life. And I've talked about this extensively. So it's very rare for women to feel this way.

58:31And I feel like I want to be very clear that I know that this is not how many women feel. And I'm not encouraging any other woman to do this. Or I think this is, like, the right way to run your relationship. I think, honestly, it probably is detrimental. I remember Dr. Drew telling me, like, after he heard me say that I don't mind, he was like, I need you to look me in the eyes and repeat, I am enough. I am enough. And I'm like, no, it's not about that. I'm like, maybe it is. Maybe I'm not enough and I feel like he has to have more. But it's – there's probably a sadness to it. But I just – it's just what I'm into and I can't help it.

59:02And I'm not trying to be cool. Believe me, when I've been single, guys are not into this. It sounds like a dream. Like, I could date a woman and fuck other girls. Like, that sounds like a dream. guys really like to be like they like girls to be jealous and to like kind of boss them around like i want you right you're like go ahead have free they're kind of like what like they don't like they think they like it but i i assure you this isn't getting me guys like this interesting it's never like been a pitch for me to be like look how cool i am why don't you date me because you can do whatever you want like it doesn't they don't like it wait what are your friends think about this they're used to it at this point they're just like they they marvel at it because I have one friend who has you know been cheated on before so she like experiences a lot of jealousy in her life and she has this like amazing husband who would fucking never cheat on her like we we just I just know that about him he's like the most decent guy but she still gets jealous about you know him hanging out with past girlfriends or like a therapist who's a little too touchy or stuff like that and I go a therapist that's being too yeah like just a creepy there like definitely a therapist that I'm just like get her out of his life like immediately but so casually it happens all the time like a like a masseuse or like a literal no like a literal therapist what this one friend this is a friend of mine she also went to a couples therapist one time and i wanted i put this in a script once because it was so funny but she was going to a couple therapists to like save her marriage and they they divorced eventually but this therapist was so into her husband at one point um they asked her the therapist asked her something and she's like well i don't know like my friend answered like i don't know and the therapist just put her hand on his leg and goes, we just can't get through to her, can we?

1:00:37And they both had like a moment. I was just like, oh, so like, so anyway, this, this friend has had jealousy before. And I said to my friend, I go, if you could make it so that no women were attracted to your husband, you flip your fingers and no woman on earth will ever be attracted, sexually attracted to your husband, would you do it? And she was like, in a heartbeat, I would love that. And I was like, that would be my nightmare. Like that. No, no, no. I would hate that. I would hate that. No, no, no, no. But she would love it because it would give her freedom to not have to worry about him being taken from her.

1:01:08See, that, though, worries me because then that also plays into insecurity of, like, why are you so worried that your husband's going to get taken from you? Like, I don't – I know that people think my husband is attractive and that I like. And you know that he's not – But I'm not – he's not running away. You're not worried about it. No. He's an off-leash dog. Yes. You don't need to be like, no, stay with me. You're just like, hey, come over here. Let's go. He can go smell a bush, but you're like, and he'll, like, come right to you. Like there's nothing cooler than an off leash dog. And that's what I want in a boyfriend is like, I know I'm the master.

1:01:39Like if my boyfriend were to like fool around with someone else, I would need that girl to know like, do you know who's in charge though? Like who he's coming back to? And I would love to see you try to get him. I would love that too of like, oh my God, she thinks she's gonna, cause I've been that girl before that's like, I'm gonna win this guy over who's dating, you know, like think and you don't win. You're so competitive. I think that's it. I wish I wasn't so much because I always feel like that's like a negative trait in a woman. But I realize I am. It's OK. Yeah. I actually really respect it.

1:02:10Speaking of your friends, you have a group chat with your nine best friends. Yeah. All of these girls, though, you brought together, right? They came from like different eras of your life. How did you merge them all? I so it's like my best friends since fifth grade, fourth grade, my sister, my old podcast producer, a comedian that I know and my my boyfriend's friends, ex-wife. Like it's I just collected all these girls that I just knew were cool as hell and funny. And we just would do I would do girls trips with certain groups of them. And I would just be like, I think I want to add a girl to the girls girls trip because she's like down.

1:02:50and my friends just trust me. I've known them for my whole life and they are all best friends now all through me. Like I've been the nucleus of this group and we are constantly chatting 24-7. Like they know I'm here. Like it's the best. It's my most proud creation is my girl. I was going to say like that is as you get older, it's so hard to have adult girlfriends in a large group capacity because it's like sometimes you met someone in college or sometimes someone's from childhood and then someone's from and to merge them. Merge them together because they should be able to merge. You should be consistent with your friendships.

1:03:20They should all like fit a criteria of like, you know, sometimes we have friends that are like good for just one on one. And like we have friends for different things. But like I and girls are so desperate for girlfriends. It's really hard, especially in the Midwest, if you're working a desk job to like to meet people. I feel like I meet a lot of people. So I'm like, I'm so happy to give my friends who might not meet these other interesting girls like new friends. And like, it's it's incredible. It's the most fun. I like I met a girl yesterday who I had lunch with and I was on Girl Chat like, I think I have a new girl for our girls trips.

1:03:50What is the group chat's name? It's just called Girls. Oh, no, it's called Angels Angels because we went on a yacht one time that my friend got us and the captain's name was Angel and we were Angels Angels for the day.

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1:05:24Did you know that this year is America's 250th birthday? Yeah, it's a milestone for our country. And you can start celebrating right now with guess who? Yeah, Hidden Valley Ranch, baby. Hidden Valley Ranch is like, it's like the bold and delicious taste of America in a bottle. You know what I mean? And they're actually releasing, ready for this, a limited edition bottle in honor of our 250th. Of course they are. Hidden Valley Ranch is America's number one ranch for a reason, baby. It's an easy and delicious way to add creamy, zesty flavor to all of your celebrations. And with Memorial Day coming up, Hidden Valley Ranch will be the star of your barbecues.

1:06:04Let me be so clear. Hidden Valley Ranch will be in my purse. No matter what barbecue I'm going to, no matter what party I'm going to for Memorial Day, boom. Hidden Valley Ranch in my purse and it better be in yours because every party food is better with Hidden Valley Ranch. And guess what? You'll be the star of the show if you are the one that shows up with Hidden Valley Ranch. So celebrate this summer with the bold and delicious flavor of America. Now in a limited edition bottle available at walmart.com slash Hidden Valley. Okay, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions about the group chat.

1:06:33Yeah. What is the text that if it got leaked, you would get canceled? or like what's the the content that you're speaking of um what was something that we like i would say i would say just like making fun of people that have wronged us like going really hard and saying some really mean stuff that i'm like that we have to sometimes start doing like a code name because it's like that and it only would get canceled because people would be so so shocked at how like they wouldn't be shocked at me because i roast but like i roast pretty hard in there like stuff that i would never say it like an actual roast but it's a safe space yeah what is the most insane relationship advice that's ever been given in that group chat oh my friends uh thought she broke her husband's dick the other day okay and she said it was like um a train car pile up she like sent a picture of like when a train derails and it's like and that was really funny and we were all giving her advice about what to do for that because he was like i don't want to get it checked out like he was so embarrassed and she was like i heard it snap.

1:07:34I think it broke his dick. What the fuck do you break a man's dick? It slipped out and she went in and it went against her stomach and was like, but you can do it. She Googled it. So we gave her advice about telling him to go get it looked at, but he never did. I guess it's fine. It's going to repair itself. Yeah. So there was a lot of chat about that. That's amazing. Yeah. That was good. Have you ever sent nudes for pre-approval in there? No, not even pre-approval. That's where they go. That's where they're ending up. like that's where yeah like you know the other day my friend was talking about you know my I have a lot of friends who have had babies and like their stomachs are just like not going back to the way they were because the muscles get pulled out and my friend is like I need to get a tummy tuck but they can't even fix this and she was showing her belly and it just looked like she ate a skinny girl who ate a sandwich and so there was um a day on chat where we were all just taking the gnarliest pushing our stomachs out distended as much as possible and that was one where I did crop off my head just in case something leaked that I could like deny that it was me.

1:08:33But you could probably tell by my faded spray tan that it was. You know, what's good, though, is when you are getting older, I'm like, I do the same thing where you're like, I'm not sending nudes to my husband. I'm doing with my friends being like, what does this look like? And like my friends, I literally would like, like my friends have sent me pictures of their vagina being like, oh, yeah, this normal. Like, is that's the nudes. Is this herpes or a ingrown hair? I've many of those. Yeah, that is that's it's like medical diagnoses are the new perfect do your friends think you're funny oh yeah yeah but they're like funnier than i am like truly like the funniest people ever like i'm i'm obviously trained at being funny it's like something i've worked at and and is my career but they are so so so funny no i love how much you talk about how obviously you've referenced other comedians you've referenced your friends like women and also you're just like a huge feminist because you let your man like fuck other women but it's really about the other women like This is about feminism here.

1:09:26Anthony over here. You are in a pretty male dominated field, obviously. What is a time in your career? Because obviously you're thriving right now. But like, what's a time in your career where you really felt the weight of being a woman in comedy? Alex, it's so weird. And I hate saying this because this is so unfeminist of me. I like never really noticed that I was different. If that makes any sense. Like I never was like, I'm a female comic and this sucks and I'm not being taken seriously. I look back and there's so many instances where that was taking place, but I really didn't notice it. I was just like, because to me, the best, my favorite comedians were female comics.

1:10:04So I thought it was always like a cooler thing to be. And I never felt, you know, it was almost safer because I, maybe I noticed that men were always getting things. So when I didn't get things, I wouldn't take it personally. I was like, it's just a thing beyond my control because only one woman can get this roast. and so if I'm not getting a roast there's you know there's only one woman per roast there's maybe you know they're giving out specials that year or you know stand-up specials it would be like two women get them and I know which two those girls are in the class above me they deserve it more than me so it's always kind of like and like it's an unsaid thing that's like it shouldn't be that only one woman's getting it but it's like that's just the way it was and so it was easier for me to be like that's why I didn't get it because there's not enough spots not because I'm not good enough and so I you know and then I look back on and now I think I notice it more where like, you know, a comedian will come into a show that has like, you know, seven comics on the lineup and there's like some famous guy dropping in.

1:10:55It's called dropping in. He just drops on wherever he wants because he's famous enough that like he bumps anyone. So and I'll get he'll go up before me as opposed to anyone on the set. And I'm like, is it because I'm a woman or is because I'm nice and he knows that I don't care? And I'm like, whatever. But like, it always happens to be I feel like it often is me. And I'm like, I think it's because they don't respect us as much or like it's it and now i'm noticing it it's just easier when you get bigger for um them to just dismiss what you do and say like well oh she only killed the golden globes because she had writers and i'm like what award show doesn't have writers motherfucker like what why is it suddenly pointed out that i get right like every award show in history has had a writer's room but now it's like that's why she's funny because she had such killer writers but they'll never they'll not say that they'll just say things like oh nikki glazer has the best writers and i go okay i know exactly what you're doing you're dog whistling to your fucking fans that i don't write my own stuff which is so untrue and and or they'll say you know um or all she does talk about sex and that's all she does and that's easy for her and i'm like yeah but is it it's not easy for you because you're disgusting and no one wants to hear about it and you are ashamed of your sexuality so yeah it is easy for me you talk about what's easy for you and i'll talk about what is easy for me it is easy for me but not everyone who else is talking it's not easy to talk about sex that is so fascinating hearing you with the writer thing because it's like they're trying to discredit you and they always say it like they're they're like praising me like you you hire the best writers like i'm supposed to take like and i go yeah i do because i have great taste and i also write the like jokes a ton of like people but it's like it's the quickest thing to they always do it and as if every like you just said every single live show is it is to the second yeah that you have practiced this they know the exact word that then gets you to the transition to the next thing because that's what how it has to go that's how you run live television talk about singers no one is ever like but you know yeah she didn't so many singers don't write their own music and they never get discredited for that or they have male you know let's just talk about men helping like producers in the room producing a song and no one gets taken away credit for their song i mean i'm not gonna say no one but it's just very interesting to me that um for some reason stand-up comics like call each other out for that stuff they don't call men out it's like we it's like every late night show they all have writers but we say conan's the funniest colbert's the funniest fallon's the funniest but we don't talk about their writers but when a woman does it i swear to god it happens every time and it's given me a complex where i'm like i can't i can't ask for help.

1:13:29I don't want to, I need to write a better joke than that one. Because if I use that one, I can't really claim that it was me that did that. And I, it's, it's made me kind of insecure about like, well, I only got far because the Golden Globes is only good because the writer's room, like it's made me feel that way. But I'm like, wait a second. When there's a home decorator that puts together a beautiful room, people don't go, well, she didn't make that couch. She didn't make that book. She didn't, but she put it all together. What about that? We give credit for that and and i'm actually making the chairs i am writing the jokes but it's like if you don't do it all you're not allowed to claim credit and it also is aside from even just that it's like the amount that you have to pour into it to think about but because i am a woman inevitably i'm gonna get this backlash so how can i think about this in a way that will also mitigate the damage of people saying this because i'm and it's like as soon as you ask me about this and i start talking about writers i'm like oh my god now this is gonna be out there and then that's going to be something that I'm like I'm giving them something to now say every man that you have seen on those stages has a fucking writer every single one every guess what a lot of them are women and guess what yes a lot of them are it's it really really irritates me and it's something that I wish I wasn't it didn't get to me as much but I there was just a couple fucking clips from friends of mine that went out right after um something I did that was like she's got a murderers row of writers and they were talking about my writers and I'm like first of all I know you don't know any of my writers so you're just saying that just to let people know what to how your male fan base can take me down as a female comic who they're mad at because I talk about my vagina or whatever I just think also that the more we do talk about it and I get it I get you're gonna sit here and you're like oh my god did I just start this whole thing up again I've been there but I also think it's important to talk about because it again we're putting them right next to each other the same amount of writers the same amount of people that do it for the men so why is it even a conversation for you and i bet most people genuinely didn't know that men had writers and they think that they're these genius people and then because you're a woman they're trying to nitpick they're like there has to be something behind it yet for all of them whether you have a dick or a fucking vagina there's writers behind all these people there was a joke about me having writers done at the roast uh of tom brady that really irritated me because it's like everyone up there has writers by the way every single person that does a roast has uh and there's a there's a by the way they hire a writing staff to work on the roast so if you don't hire writers yourself which everyone does they give you jokes yes you walk in they give you just no one and and and by the way i wrote the bulk of my jokes like you know you you have them to help you out and shape it because it's a lot of work and um there was one joke about me that i had writers and um and the guy that told the joke had that joke written for him and i was like the irony here like I I know the guy who wrote the joke for this guy that was making fun of me for having writers and I'm like it was so irritating to me because that's just not something that I would ever call it another another comic because because especially if I was using writers I wouldn't call it something for something that I was doing so it was just that's one that really gets me and I like that we're talking about it because I can it again like I can make fun I can say the thing before people say it but it does it will be a thing that follows me the rest of my life probably not only that i think it's like we have to we have to be aware of it as women because you read this shit and we care about our careers it hurts when people try to put us down off of things that just are a prerequisite in the industry yes that are things that have been happening before us yes and by the way people bomb when they have writers it doesn't mean that you're going to be good people choose bad jokes also it is so exhausting the standard that we are held to as women and it is true though a lot of women are holding other women to this insane standard because i think it's like we want to have this like moral high ground that we are like no you have to do this like you watch certain people getting crucified online for certain things and then you're like wait but what about the epstein files like what about those guys like the way that we crucify women for something that is 0.0 compared to the men who are doing what to these children like you don't even get me started it's like guys put your energy towards that fucking shit i and and I really, I can't handle it anymore, especially with Epstein files and with the deep dive that I went on that.

1:17:44I was like, this is more, this is, you know, I've always been like, well, politics are more important than celebrity stuff. There's always been that like, well, Trump's doing this, but when the Epstein files came out, that like was so insane to me that I was like anything other article about celebrity calling anything else is just shut up. Like even the capacity at which I wish people put the amount of energy they put towards being like obsessed with Chapel Rhone. And like the, it's like, Why don't we focus on the living, breathing men who are in the Epstein files? And Chapel Rhone just like did something with like not wanting to say hi to her fans.

1:18:16Like, let's focus on me. And these guys are trading children in emails that is like not even in code words. And that, but that though, I do think what's so crazy is all women, we get off. But Chapel Rhone's security was mean to the cousin of someone. It's really important we address it. And then this man raped a child. And that she, like, yeah, I mean, well, child rape aside, we have to deal with Chapel Ronin this tooth that she has. Ever since she got famous, she thinks she's better than people to tell them to leave her alone and not take pictures when she doesn't want it to be taken. That's what's important.

1:18:48And I would like a list of that. I want the list to be all the times that she has snapped at paparazzi. It's more important. It's so much more important. It's insane that they can even exist. Like, I don't even understand how we talk about anything else. If you haven't done an Epstein deep dive, I know it's a little too late. Oh, I've done it. like not you i know you have but based on like no you listening at home got guys guys i am scared to even say the name because i might get murdered we're dead we're literally this is our last episode caller daddy's over it is true like how i love that you just said that because i had to disappear i've had that realization the past couple weeks of like no why is this a headline it is what's going on it is so shocking the way that women are reprimanded in comparison to what is actually fucking happening in the world and you're like how we cannot keep fucking doing this women if you look in the comments it's just fucking women tearing other women down it's you got like let's redirect our fucking energy let's stop laughing at us reading come i want to stop reading comments it's really hard but comment culture i talk about this all the time but i have to say like i'm so sick of it like it is literally destroying art like the fact that people because even when i'm watching something i will read the comments before i watch it just to see how i should feel about it do you ever do that yes and it's how do other and it colors how you watch it and you're a savvy consumer so what are dumb people doing they're just going off of what the comment is it is so fucking dangerous it's really bad i can't i don't even know the last time i consumed anything without finding some kind of review about it before like feeling how you're going into this it's true i need to know people on tiktok have talked about how there's people who only the minute you scroll you just open the comments so you get like a brief analysis of what's going on but all these people are like sick in the fucking head the sickest people ever i've never commented anything except like fire emojis and like hearts queen or like slay like slay only telling another girl she looks hot is the only thing i would ever comment and like i think i guess the um i guess life of a showgirl was the last thing i consumed where there was no there was no reviews out yet and i was just consuming it without comments and like you don't know and then you open tiktok and you're like oh I guess maybe people didn't like the album exactly and then you're like am I wrong for that but that I think this will last pure like a thing that I just needed to blow up I'm just like I just don't want any more comments no I know now we just can't people get so mad if you disable them they're so mad let's talk about your fucking special yes please we're like wait but one more thing on Epstein so I mean you bring out a full fucking pizza why are they always talking about pizza and like cream cheese no the fucking no the fucking codes the fucking blurs like every like why are we what's going on we need some but but it's over like we've all it's over like people don't talk about it anymore it's over it's so true they read it they checked off that list they checked it twice they're gonna find out who's naughty or a psychopath and we're moving on and they're like got it okay him anyways um good girl let's let's bring some positivity okay yes my special good girl if we are alive by the time this is released i want to make it clear i have i do not want to self-harm i have no suicidal thoughts if anything happens to me i was murdered someone is gunning for us yes um but i'm not cutting this out we're saying we're an example nikki today but google the stuff we said yeah yeah like those keywords get that on your algo you're not getting it in like msnbc or whatever like you need to like pizza cream cheese yes like the people the reddit go to epstein reddit just google cream yeah yeah okay um your new special good girl yeah how did you decide that's name and like what can you tell us about it um i decide on the name because it's a joke i have about like um the porn i consume i really like when the guy there's like a guy who's being uh almost like a coach kind of person that's like making a girl do something really horish that she's kind of like i don't know if i can do this and he's like you can do it like be oh and then she does it and he's like good girl and that's like always when i'm like i climax is when the guy's like praising the girl oh what do you search for that i search um gang bangs i know that's not what you wanted me to say but it is true gang bangs forced orgasms um forced orgasms yeah yeah okay that's where girls tied up and like and and i really like that because i have a hard time orgasming because i feel like it's just like so embarrassing and it's like a loss of control that i don't like like because i like to be in control and so i've always felt like orgasms were hard for me because i was like i just look so stupid i don't want to look like like it's just it's so embarrassing yeah and i would try to push them down and not have them and so i discovered this genre of forced orgasm where a girl's like tied up and like wants it but the guy's like making her come and she's like it's like almost too much and then she comes a bunch and then he says good girl and then it's not her fault that she looks stupid he like did you use the same video no i like i honestly need you need to do stuff sometimes i'll like repeat after like a year i'll be like oh i kind of remember this one but i don't know how it ends but let me guess it's um this was filmed during the last leg of you're like what headlines are going to go i'm so sorry it's like what did we do today i don't know why i'm like this you filmed this during the last leg of your tour and you did it in your hometown in front of your friends and family yes is that like harder to do like or are you like you bitches will fucking laugh no it's much harder because i you know like growing up i think you know when i was in high school i always wanted to be like the popular girl i felt like unseen i felt quiet i felt like oh god these people don't even know my potential and they never will know it because i wasn't like i would audition for plays i would never get like i would audition for like the diary van frank and i would think i was going to get an frank and i would get like jewish townsperson b like i was always like way under what any like i would think so i was like not being shown any reason why i would ever be successful and i had the secret dream of like i want to be on tv so there's a part of me that is like look at what i did but like there's this other thing of like I just project them being like this isn't that good like almost like seeing the real me so there's this like kind of um and also I don't feel like I'm a star like I don't as much as like yes I know that I've earned this status and like other people might see me that way I really don't think it's like I can think of a million reasons excuses for why it happened and I'm like I feel imposter syndrome so there is a part of me that feels like stupid like making all these people come to this big theater and like give a standing ovation and they're like you know girls I take Pilates classes with or like my hairdresser, like, you know, girls I went to high school with.

1:25:28It's like kind of embarrassing. But but overall, like I loved it because they're just so supportive and they're so they are excited that someone made it. And like she's bringing this home and like she lives here and they can tell that that I don't think I'm better than it. Like, I think they really get that. I don't think I'm hot shit that I like am the girl that they new and I and that's I think I get that feedback I'm so excited to have everyone watch your special because I also think like you you are right when you were saying like you are a conductor of storytelling through the beginning middle and end and like we've watched you at the Golden Globes you've done such a phenomenal job like I when I went this year and I was sitting in this I know first of all I was like stressed for you because it is like I I think that you make it look easy but I can only imagine before you get on that fucking stage you have every fucking a-lister in that room staring at you wanting you to like lightly stumble on like the joke that's about them or like not maybe hit it like they don't want you to fail but like people they just don't want me to make a joke exactly you just want to get through on stage but you also kind of want to be acknowledged because you're a celebrity and you like are a big deal and you have an ego so it's very interesting I give you all of the flowers because it's like the pressure that is put on you, like you said, to land the joke, to go out there, execute timing with everything that you do.

1:26:51Like you've done such an incredible job and it's really been awesome to watch your career rise. I love that my career can have different facets. I can be a freak on the stage at live shows and in my standup and then I'm like more wholesome on TV. Like because I am both. I am a wholesome person. OK, you have range. I'm a wholesome girl with lots of holes. Isn't that what wholesome means? Nikki Glaser, thank you so much for coming on Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much for having me. It was an honor. You're amazing.

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