Prepare for Tour with Me

0:00Sunday morning, father's calling. do do do do do do do do every sunday's far this day that was pretty good right hello daddy gang welcome back to another sunday session i am in full fucking mom mode right now i was just on my hands and knees getting fucked nope i was just on my hands and knees patting down the most potent pee that I've ever seen on this gray carpet. Bruce is nine months old. If you guys don't know who that is, that is my dog. Okay. There's Bruce and there's Henry. Bruce is such a little fucking slut. Like whenever he meets anyone, he cannot keep his legs closed. Literally. He will fall to the floor.

0:46He will flip over and just open his legs. And he just wants you to rub his penis. Okay. Like father, like son. Bruce has just been getting after it like this little hornball and he just can't stop peeing when he sees people now so he never was peeing he's potty trained everything but recently he gets so overly stimulated and excited when he sees people that when he flips over he starts peeing but the issue is because he's flipped over on his back he starts peeing on himself this issue though was it started to dribble down and I'm like Bruce you're fucking peeing on yourself and then the pee got all on this like light gray carpet that we have Lauren just got in town same thing happened she shows up Bruce flips onto his back wants his penis rubbed and then at the same time just starts peeing on his fucking self and I'm like bro it's just so cute because he's so excited he just gets so happy to just be loved Henry is like I only like two people in this world my mom my dad and everyone else get the fuck away from me unless you really put in work with Henry Henry is hard to get Henry is someone that you have to actually work really hard to have him respect you and want you to even touch him Bruce is like oh my god the mailman hi penis rub oh my god this woman walking down with her fucking cane penis rub the CVS woman penis rub like he is constantly just spreading his legs and opening up

2:25Welcome back to another Sunday session. It's just going to be you and me today, Daddy Gang. I am so excited to talk to you guys. I don't really have that much planned, but I feel like there's been a lot of things going on in my life recently that I just wanted to do a little life update. So I recently went to Wyoming. We were at dinner with a couple friend of ours. The couple was talking to us about this home that they have in wyoming and i was just sitting there listening to them talk about the river and the horses and nature and i was like wow like i've been so fucking stressed out like that sounds like a dream to be one with motherfucking nature instead of my phone and work and so we left that dinner and then they texted us that week and we're like guys we actually think we're gonna go to the ranch would you guys want to come with us and immediately i'm like yes I feel so excited for all the amazing great fun things going on business wise that I have coming up and going on but like I have a really bad tendency to lean in to the point where I am so bad at making time for anything else other than work I'm working on that in therapy of like work-life balance is definitely something that I'm sure a lot of you guys experience maybe your life balance is better than your work or your work is better than your life.

3:50I also know it's like I'm at that point in my life where these are the years that I want to grind it out. I don't have kids. I don't have any other responsibility other than my relationships and my work. But sometimes I should try to do something fucking else. You know, it's always good if even if you like something, it's good to step away from it so that you you appreciate it more when you come back. Anyways, Wyoming, I cannot explain to you. And I feel like our generation is a little luckier, like millennials, millennials. I know a time in my life when I actually went outside and played manhunt with people and played capture the flag and played sports games outside in the cul-de-sac in my backyard.

4:33And I feel like now kids just don't do that anymore. It's like, here's the tablet here's the ipad here's the whatever like i had to go to fucking olive garden with my parents and draw on the the table with crayons there was no such the fucking thing as a tablet that i could like play games um i had to be creative and play my own games as i'm sure a lot of you listening had to do too and there is something so healthy about being so present with nature i don't remember the last time I was as happy as I was when I was just in Wyoming we got there and their ranch has all these like little cabins Matt and I got this cabin and it had like a bedroom and a bathroom and basically that was it and it was so perfect and we just look outside and there's horses and ATVs and fucking nature and wilderness and it was like whoa I felt like I was able to actually disconnect off my phone we're holding this thing 24 7 and so I was just so happy and you guys little backstory on my mother so when I was growing up my both of my parents were very athletic and my dad played hockey in college and he also played baseball and tennis and he was just like loved athletics and my mom was an equestrian that sounds so fucking bougie my mom did not come from like money but like she was an only child and she was so good at riding horses and she was one of like the top nationally ranked equestrians well equestrian such like a bougie fucking word i've always seen these pictures of my mom and i've never ridden a horse in my life i think there's something to be said if like your parents liked doing something i feel like we're obviously a percentage and a part of them so i'm like maybe i'll enjoy horses too you guys when i got to Wyoming I could not get off my horse shout out Eddie I immediately connect with this horse and I just felt so fucking happy Matt and everyone was like okay we're done riding horses for the day and I was like no I want to keep going like no and it came really naturally to me and I was just and Matt's behind me like struggling like I think I'm ready for like a whiskey like I don't need my ball he's like I love the horses but like every time we're riding my balls are just getting fucking crushed on the saddle.

6:51Meanwhile, I was like, oh, my vagina is loving the feeling like I'm vibing with it like a little like it felt great. OK, me and Eddie were getting along. Us and nature equals happiness. Us and technology equals not so fucking happy unless we're using it in a way sparingly that will make us happy like you listening to this podcast on your way to work or at work. So anyways, I had a great time in Wyoming. I was thriving and then I got back. I'm getting ready for this tour that I'm going on and I just want to talk to you guys about it for a second I wouldn't say going on tour is something that I've dreamt of my whole life because like when you think of going on tour as a kid you're like oh I don't like sing so I'm not gonna like be in an arena singing so this wasn't something that I had like dreamt of but I definitely I feel like there's this bond that we have but it's so virtually connected obviously I can't hang out with you guys every week I wish I could watch the episodes with you guys and have discussions about them every week but for the most part I'm recording these episodes and then I'm pressing upload and then I'm going and picking up Henry's shit or wiping Bruce's fucking pee off of my carpet the minute I started call her daddy I just knew one day I needed to be in a room with you guys even if it was just like for a meetup there's just been a lot that's happened throughout my time with call her daddy and it's just never has felt like the right moment because if I'm gonna do it, I want it to be right.

8:19I've never been on a stage in the capacity that I'm about to be on one. I remember one of the first times I went on stage was my good friend, Hannah Burner was in New York City and I remember she was doing a comedy show and Matt and I went by to like support and watch and Hannah was like, what if I bring you up on stage? And I'm like, bitch, no. And she's like, come on, like you are gonna go on tour one day, Alex. And like Hannah's been so instrumental in encouraging me to have the confidence to do this kind of thing. I remember in New York, she like pulled me up. I blacked out. Well, both I was drinking and I just blacked out and I don't even remember what I said.

8:57And I remember getting off stage and there was daddy gang in the audience and you guys were so supportive. But I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? It's not like natural to stand on a stage and talk to people. And like, I'm not a comedian. You know what I mean? Like Hannah has jokes. She's a fucking comedian. Chelsea Handler. She's a comedian. Like, oh, I can think of these people that are comedians. I'm not a comedian. How do I entertain you guys on a stage? And so I've been really putting a lot of thought into what I want this show and this tour to be. Without giving it away, I am so proud of it.

9:33And I think it's going to be so fun. That is like my main goal. Like I said, I just want you guys to have fun and I want to have fun, too. but as long as you guys are happy i'm fucking happy i will say the stories that i am remembering going through each phase of my life are appalling that i've never told some of these on caller daddy like i am remembering even more stories from boston that i was telling lauren um when she got here i'm like lauren i did you remember this story lauren's dying she's like are you gonna tell that on tour and i'm like i don't know if i have enough time but if not i need to do a caller daddy episode about it i'm gonna get sappy for two seconds okay for the past five years and now this is we're going on to our sixth year I have grown up with you guys and I don't take that lightly like I recognize that a lot of the stories that I'm telling about my life you guys DM me and you're like I relate to this or I connect to this or I have experienced something similar when you have that type of relationship where we feel like we're growing up together there's just like a different level of a bond and even though I know I've never met you guys when I get into a room with you guys, even when I meet some of you on the street or at, you know, wherever I am, there's like an emotional reaction I have every time I meet you guys, because I feel like I already know you when I meet you.

10:51If you're daddy gang, I know you, you are confident. You are constantly working and fighting for what you want in your life. And we have a standard that we're trying to set. And I feel like we're a part of this, something bigger than just like a show like I genuinely feel like there's this community when you meet people in the daddy gang you're like oh yeah I fuck with you because like we are like-minded the daddy gang I feel like is so dope that you guys are gonna be like oh you came alone like come hang out with us let's go to the bar after together like and it's also cool that it's in a city where if you live there you can actually make friends if you're watching this and you were nervous about coming to the tour alone you're not alone you're literally with the daddy gang and I think it's gonna be dope that you should tell people like I came alone like what are your guys names like everyone should meet and mingle if you're all in this city together why don't you guys all become friends and you immediately have a conversation starter hi my name's Rebecca and I like call her daddy you too great let's go talk about it please do not feel weird coming alone you are not alone and also I'm there and I'm going to be alone on stage.

11:59Okay. For some of it. I just wanted to thank all of you though, because it means a lot to me and this doesn't feel like a job and I feel really, really fortunate that you guys listen to me every week, but yes. Okay. I'm going to stop rambling about that.

12:33Daddy gang, I am now in a complete different location than when I first started filming this episode. I'm sitting backstage at tour rehearsals in New York City. It's so crazy because I was talking about all of this about to start happening in my life and now I'm quite literally in the thick of it. I have had two days of tour rehearsals. And although I don't want to give too much away, what I will say is I did post saying I was going to tour rehearsals. And so many of you were like, Alex, what the, what the fuck, what do you mean tour rehearsals? Like, what are we going to see on this show? I thought you were just like sitting in a chair and talk.

13:12Daddy gang, you didn't think that the show was just going to be a static show. I want to entertain you in every single possible minute of my life that I'm breathing on this earth. And that means that this is not going to be a normal tour. I know you guys are like, um, babe, I bought a ticket, but I have no idea what I bought the ticket for. Just have no fear. Your father is here and I've got you. I will say, I'm feeling really grateful. I have so many amazing people like around me right now, but what I didn't realize is how many people a tour takes to make shit happen. I've seen so many people being like, bitch, okay, the tour is bachelorette themed, which again, just to give some context, like when I started this show, I had no idea the amount of community and quite literally family that this show would build.

14:05I feel so connected to you guys. And so it doesn't feel right to celebrate my bachelorette without you guys. I'm going to rage with you on stage. We're going to rage together on this tour, but what do you wear? What do you wear? Because although it's bachelorette you fucking know me daddy gang sweat at all costs i'm gonna have a couple outfit changes but what i will say is this wear whatever the fuck you want to wear to tour if you want to wear your sweatpants your unwell sweatsuits fabulous get it bitch if you want to go all fucking out and wear a hot little dress and show the fuck up and get those instagrams get your instagrams i am totally excited to see you guys makeshift whatever you want to make shift and i just want you guys to know, just keep in mind who's going to be in the audience with you guys.

14:51The daddy gang, it's literally going to just be a bunch of people that are like-minded and we all vibe and fuck with each other. So no one's going to be judging. If you want to come in your sleeping bag, babe, bring the sleeping bag. Okay. If you want to come in your prom dress, but I would say, I think it's either sweat or it's like vibing out for a bachelorette theme. Can we bring signs? You can absolutely bring signs. Please bring signs. I'm like going to be up there talking and I am so ADHD that I will not be able to not be like, what does that sign say? What does that sign say? So please bring signs.

15:22And also some people are like, babe, is this for me to bring like my fiance and my partner? Men are welcome, obviously. Yes, of course, there's gonna be so many girls and gays here, but like we can have the straight men come through. If you wanna bring your boo, bring your fucking boo. Matt's gonna be here. Maybe you'll see a little appearance from him. I don't know. Also, let's pregame a little bit. I will be pregaming, which means you should be pregaming the fuck out of this show responsibly, of course. Don't come in and be like, I'm so fucking hammered. Yeah, let's keep it like out of nor by the end of the night hammered when maybe you come in Make sure the police aren't having to escort you out because you're vomiting all Listen, bye boys.

16:07Oh, what do you think that was about? Um, oh Oh, I'm going to put this out there. So you guys just know this. I know that this is my job to talk for living on a podcast like this. I'm not used to being in front of thousands of people watching me talk. So I'm just going to let you guys in on this because you're my family and my friends. I'm fucking nervous. Like I'm nervous because I just want everything to go so perfectly. And I want you guys to have a good time as it starts to come together. Like I'm just so fucking excited and by the time this comes out okay this is Sunday this Friday I am opening the tour in Boston and it feels really fucking cool that it's in Boston there's something really nostalgic about like so much of call her daddy was birthed in Boston of who I was and things that I was doing and decisions I was making all started in Boston that formed me into the person that press record on episode one and started talking about dick and boys and all the good things that you all remember so i'm excited daddy gang me you the vagine this mouth if you can't make it on tour which makes me really sad i'm always going to take care of you if you can't come to this tour one day you will feel like you were a part of this tour have no fear okay come with me I'll give you guys a little sneak peek and then I do have to go let's go out on this side there's a pole thank you very much thank you so much no this is my first time ever this is the first time ever done it it's coming together thank you so much for helping I appreciate everyone that is helping right now it It means a lot.

18:02Thank you. It's so funny because I've listened to you. I'm going to cry. Stop. What? No, your daddy game? What? Girl! Another hug. So I also played D1 sports at UMass. So me and my friends knew about you because we went to school together in Massachusetts. Truly when I hear stuff like that, it's like this is all fun and cool, but actually getting to meet people face-to-face, I'm like, you're literally the reason that I like have this job and do this. So thank you. Yeah. You should be so proud of yourself. I'm so happy to be part of this. And thank you for that compliment. Because now I'm like, okay, I can read.

18:38I can fucking read. Literally, I was up at 3 a.m. last night being like, is this a good show or is this like fucking bad? And thank you. Thank you. This is like, this is nuts. Thank you. This is awesome. Thank you. Oh my God. Okay. I'm so happy that you're here. That makes me also feel better because there's something about knowing like you care about the show and you're like also daddy gang. I'm like, oh. Oh my God. Absolutely. we got each other we got each other okay daddy gang that is it for this week's episode i love you so much i am about to go um just hit my pants because i'm so nervous and knowing i'm putting this out in this moment means i'm that much closer to going and being in front of all of you so go easy on your father and when i come out on that stage i better hear you guys making some noise because I've been screaming this whole time.

19:26I'm like, Daddy King! I will see you fuckers next Wednesday, this Wednesday, but I'll also see you fuckers on tour Friday. Goodbye.