Red Flag or Overthinking?

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1:21Thanks to Clorox, we can have spring cleaning and they can get us through it, right? We don't need to stress. Thank you, Clorox. Okay, so shop Clorox Disinfecting Wipes now at walmart.com slash Clorox Wipes. Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another Sunday session. We have so much to catch up on. It is going to be such a good, good Sunday. So I just recorded a full solo episode about my pregnancy journey, and that comes out very, very soon. Maybe even this week. I don't know. We'll see. But I'm really excited to share everything that has been going on in my life because, girl, it's been a lot, okay?

2:08But one thing I can tell you about my pregnancy right now, it is giving me the most perfect excuse to lie down, kick my feet up, lean into my 12 different pregnancy pillows and watch Love Island all summer long. Every single night, except for of course Wednesday, because no new Love Island episodes on Wednesdays. And also Wednesday is Call Her Daddy Day, which kind of works out perfectly. But every other night of the week, you will find me on the couch with my heating pad cranked up surrounded by all of my pregnancy favorite snacks getting hype the minute I hear tonight a hot new bombshell enters the villa boom I'm like yeah Matt walks in the door I'm like get out get out he's like wait Matt is low-key getting like already invested even though he said he wasn't gonna watch it with me this year he's already invested I love it so much you guys and I love it even more now that I am pregnant because it's not like I am just watching TV, right?

3:15I am taking care of myself. This is self-care through and through. So let's talk a little Love Island season eight, shall we? Oh my God. Okay. I, where do I begin? I feel like this season is it's already a lot right I mean before episode one even dropped the internet was you know being the internet stalking the cast canceling the cast it was just like chaos before night one even aired that's such a testament to the fandom um and I will say the past two seasons and I think we can all collectively agree the past two seasons of Love Island have been top tier reality television there is no denying that I don't care if you didn't like the cast or you didn't like certain it was a cultural phenomenon both seasons and each season individually they broke the internet right and so now I can't help but be so fascinated to see if this new season season eight will be able to not only maintain that level of hype and traction but maybe even top it because I feel like last year everyone said like oh this isn't gonna be you know season six and then all of a sudden it was as big right so let's see what season eight can do regardless I'm gonna be watching um wow okay I just remember when I had let's do a little throwback when I had Rob and Leah on from season six I will never forget Rob showing up in those overalls his fresh tan Leah coming straight from Fiji showing up liking like the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen in that black corset.

5:01Remember her like perfect posture the entire episode. That was incredible. And then fast forward a year later and obviously I had on Amaya and Huda last season for season seven. And that was even more dramatic I feel like than the previous year. And I will say that was the first time guys that I had ever recorded two episodes of call her daddy in one day back to back like I wrote them both back to back recorded them both back to back my brain was mush but I also like loved it the adrenaline was so high because that is the thrill and just the rush of it right like everything moves so freaking fast on the internet um and to kind of give you like some behind the scenes of the thought process for Call Her Daddy.

5:48Basically throughout each season of Love Island so far my team and I tried to predict who we thought was going to be the noisiest and the most dramatic of that specific season so I could invite them on the show and start prepping their interview but last season was truly so up and down all the way until the very end. So this year I am definitely without a doubt going to be following along on Polymarket. I am going to be refreshing and checking the Love Island odds every single day. That's all I've been doing every single day. And it's only been a week. It's only been a week, but here I am. I'm going to be checking it multiple times a day just so that I can be up to date with what the public is feeling about this cast and this season.

6:39By the time this comes out, we're what, five episodes in? 30 more to go. Everyone's like, oh it's almost 30 more to go plus people on polymarket already are trading on who they think are going to win like i bet it's different than when i last looked okay are you ready so the woman that they think is going to win currently oh my literally guys the numbers are changing as i'm watching it so bea is number one but it keeps slipping with anaya bea and anaya are like tied almost it's going from 49 to 50 okay then trinity and kenzie i love trinity and kenzie so much the two of them have my heart kenzie we love you and we love the drama this is my life me just like refreshing refreshing refreshing honestly i really love the commitment that we don't even know who is going to last as couples okay and these people don't even know each other yet guys it is still as they say early days on love island but the internet and poly market will always have an opinion, which I love to see.

7:43So I'll be updating myself every single day. To all the ladies and gentlemen out there who are about to sell their soul and indulge in a Love Island summer, disclaimer, I am not saying this is going to become a Love Island podcast. Don't worry. Don't worry. Just like I said, this isn't a pet pregnancy podcast, right? Right, right, right. We've got a lot of different topics to cover, but you can definitely count on your girl to be closely following along. Belly out, snacks on deck, and getting really, really, really into it. I would love to know who you guys think currently is going to come on Call Her Daddy, because I have no clue.

8:24Okay, so that's a little life update. Guys, I feel like there's, that's going to, it's pregnancy in Love Island. Oh, and I also am rereading Throne of Glass, so So that's kind of my entire summer. And I don't know where to fit any other thing in other than those three things. So I'll keep you updated. But without further ado, I think we should get into some questions of the week.

9:04Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. So sports are usually math territory, but when it comes to soccer, you guys know, you know what? I'm all over it. So safe to say I'm very excited for the FIFA World Cup coming to L.A. The last time I went to a global sporting event was during the Olympics. And honestly, the trip became so much more than just going to different games in Paris. I just remember Matt and I ended up booking the cutest apartment one weekend on Airbnb to explore different parts of France. One night after dinner, instead of I remember rushing home, we stopped in this tiny little local bar, ended up sitting next to a couple from, I think they were from Madrid.

9:45And we just started talking and somehow found out that they also worked together and they had golden doodles. And we were like, oh my God, this is meant to be. And then when Matt and I got back to the apartment that night, we opened a bottle of wine, sat on the balcony, talking for hours about all of the random moments that somehow end up becoming the best part of traveling. It was one of those trips where you come home and you just feel like you actually lived in a space instead of just visiting it. And that is what I love so much about Airbnb. During the FIFA World Cup, people from all corners of the world come together.

10:18They're swapping jerseys, grabbing drinks after the match, maybe debating who actually has the best goalie, like whatever it is. And Airbnb makes it easy to stay together under one roof. You get to live in neighborhoods that actually feel local and experience a city beyond just the tourist spots. Airbnb, the world is meant to meet. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. If you are an avid online shopper, then you know there's something really reassuring about seeing the purple ShopPay button at checkout. Oh, it hits every time. No, it literally hits every single time. And business owners know that Shopify's ShopPay button means a streamlined one-click checkout, which means fewer abandoned carts and better conversion rates, which equals happier customers and less stress all around.

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11:42Here we go. First question is honestly really fucked up. So we need to discuss this. Hi, daddy. So my best friend posted a photo of us and I thought I looked weird. So I compared the posted photo to the one I have and she face tuned it, which is all fine and dandy. but she made herself look skinnier and me look fatter. I am so unbelievably upset because why would my best friend since elementary school make me look bad? I just don't know how to address this. I understand society makes women feel like we have to be perfect, but why Facetune me to look worse? I just don't get it. Girl, your best friend is literally an op.

12:20Hold on. So when I read this, I was like, there's just no way. There's just no way. And knowing the ins and outs of Facetune, I like I had to believe for a second I'm like maybe she did the thing where like she's pulling in her rib cage do you know what I mean and she's kind of like slicing herself in on all angles and she's editing herself so focused she's like okay and then bring my hip to here hip to here and then bring this here this here and she has no concept of what's happening to the right which happens to just be your glorious body and you just got like the shit end of it. You've seen people sometimes when they're face tuning and then all of a sudden if they're moving like the back wall just completely they forgot to like fix that or something.

13:10But I have to believe I have to believe that your best friend did not then be like settings approved make myself look like a Victoria's Secret model. Now let's turn to this bitch. And then she was like, expando patronum, expando patronum. Like I refuse, I refuse to, I believe in girlhood. I believe in humanity that I just, I can't, I can't, I can't accept it for you and I can't accept it for all of us. So I think what you could do is you could text her and because you guys, we've all seen that kind of on the internet. Have you guys ever seen those trends where you face tune someone or you like make their forehead look huge and then they send it to the person being like, do you care if I post this?

14:01And then the person has a mental breakdown. They're like, wait, bro, like that's not what I look like. And they're like, what do you mean? Like, look at my forehead. Like I have a 12 head like the fuck I don't think your friend is playing a prank on you but I do think you have the right to just text her and be like wait girl I've been like sick over this and I just have to acknowledge it my body is fully distorted in the picture and I've gone so crazy and I've looked at the original like what happened here you have to have to have to ask her what happened and I you have to tell us what her answer is okay next question dude facetune like you can just get so carried away especially when you're own in your own world with it and you're like do do do do do do do do and then when you're staring at something for too long like anything in life all of a sudden you go from just a cute little like I'm just gonna smooth the skin to all of a sudden like you don't have cheeks, you know, and actually your eyelids are gone because you smooth yourself so much that you look like a crescent moon and it gets scary.

15:13So you should usually, uh, if you're going to use that kind of equipment, you should check with people and be like, what do you think of this photo? And then hopefully one of your friends is like, it's awesome. If it wasn't 15 times edited way too far. Okay. I am dating a guy who's 31 and on paper, basically perfect. Great job, emotionally intelligent, close to his family, has a solid group of friends, genuinely seems like a good person. But he recently told me he's never had a relationship longer than maybe six months. He says he was focused on working for a long time and just hadn't met the right person.

15:48Is this actually not that weird and I'm overanalyzing or is getting to your mid thirties with zero long-term relationship experience a legitimate red flag?

16:02I love and hate these questions where I'm like, they're so, oh, there's like almost like too much to say. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes because when I met Matt, I loved that he had long-term relationships, had experience you know wasn't I wasn't going to be like the first to really be like let's move in together and he's like I've never lived with a woman like that kind of freaked me out in previous relationships because I felt like there wasn't a maturity to it even if it wasn't either of our fault it's just you're going through things in a way that like it's nice when you both have done it before to a capacity because then you just get to be better versions of yourself at doing it I do think men in their mid-30s only having six months relationship, I would say, wouldn't have probably been for me.

17:01However, I don't think it's a complete 100 % write-off red flag. Like anything I usually say on this podcast, I do think that you need to have context clues like they teach us in school. And you know what? every fucking time a teacher told me back when I was young and trying to not fail out it's like just look for the context clues Alex when I would go up and be like can you help me and they're like just look at the context clues like fuck you and your context clues give me the fucking answer bitch but now I happen to be that annoying fucking teacher that's like just look at the context clues um but it's true especially when it comes to dating men because I think when you're dating a man there's so much in dating that can be misconstrued because of our past because of things that have you know triggered us in the past or not worked in the past or worked in the past right and so if he has had this one thing and you're so focused on it but what if what about this his apartment is spectacular he's clean he's organized he is on time for everything he's so respectful of you he is making an effort he has a great job the way he talks about his relationships in the past is not like she was a crazy fucking bitch like all you know what I'm saying it's like what is the full picture and I always feel like whenever someone's writing in because I feel like I would have done this in the past when you're writing something like this in it I can't help but wonder if there's other things that he's doing in this relationship with you that is alluding or that is making you feel like shit.

18:39And he's only ever had a relationship like the longest being six months. You know what I mean? It's like that is the tipping point and the biggest thing you can use to kind of call out this feeling of unease when if that really was just the, if I had met Matt and Matt had every quality he had when I met him, but his one thing was he had only had six months relationships, I would have read the room a little bit and like been like okay I don't love it but let's see if everything else is perfect and like really working then fuck that shit I'll be the like I'm down to be the first long-term one because everything else is great so context clues but I don't love it and I could get shit for that but I

19:28I don't love it because you know what I look back at one of my relationships that was one of my more stable potential relationships where like I was in love and this and it wasn't toxic but he had not really had long-term relationships and there was just a different feeling and maybe it's like a guy thing I don't know but like I could just feel that when we like are the building towards a future just felt kind of like this not even a factor. Whereas meeting someone like a Matt, it's like he had a foundation, he had goals, he had a vision for what he wanted his life to look like. And he talked about that very openly, talked about things he didn't like in previous relationships, was very open about things he loved in previous relationships that he respected of the people.

20:20So like, I think I need someone who has the ability to talk about their past in a way that's not hiding or fearful of it. and I needed someone who was like very honest and open and was mature. And so my fear is six months gives, like what the fuck is six months? Sorry, but like six months means like you're just getting close and then it ends. Because six months is like low key, it's a little short. Like at least if it was a year, I'd be like, all right, bro got close to like, it always ended right before they moved in together kind of vibe. Girl, I'm sorry, that's tough. When you use the context clues, you are going to know without a doubt.

21:03Oh, well, yeah, you're right, Alex, that I was just like avoiding acknowledging the fact that the six months thing is also like he and his, he has multiple roommates and he hasn't had the same job. He changes jobs every also six months and his room smells like cat litter and he doesn't have a cat, you know? Okay, next.

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23:09You can also get your paycheck up to two days early. And when you sign up with eligible direct deposit, you can earn up to$300 welcome bonus, which we absolutely love to see. Okay. So if you're ready to get more out of your money, sign up for SoFi checking and savings at SoFi.com slash call her daddy. SoFi checking and savings is offered through SoFi bank and a member FDIC terms apply. I have an issue that's been coming up in my relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2.5 years and he's recently brought up the topic of engagement and that he wants to propose within the next year.

23:48I feel annoyed that it's expected of me to change my last name instead of him changing his or us doing something hyphenated. We are planning on starting a family and I feel annoyed that I'm the one that's expected to bend on this just because I'm the woman. Any advice on this would be super appreciated. Oh, yikes, yikes, yikes. There's so many feelings I have towards this topic because I feel like men are so traditional with this point because they have truly never had to even conceptualize what it would feel like if we went with the woman's side. how how classic is that in the world like men have never had to question their name and their lineage and the history behind that last name and forfeiting it for a new one they've never had to think about that the privilege it just oozes privilege how nice rule number 955 of why it's great to have a fucking penis and so I think because historically and I'm not giving them any fucking grace on this I'm just talking it through with us as women because men have never had to even think of this concept the minute it's brought up by if they are with someone who is a little bit more progressive or liberal or whatever it be, I think it stops them in their tracks because again, they've never thought about it.

25:38And so when you have never thought about something and on top of never thinking about something, when something has just been a prerequisite in your life, like duh, of course. It's like, oh, and my name is John. Like my name is John and my last name is Smith. And of course my name is going to be John Smith for the rest of my life. Why wouldn't it be? And as young women, we grow up and there is a concept of like, oh my gosh, my name is Alex Cooper. But one day, would I change my name? Will I change my name for a man? And we all go through it too in the fun way of like, oh my God, what if you met a guy named like Larry McCarlson-Ferson-Wadabin?

26:14And you're like, how would Alex McCarlson-Ferson-Wadabin sound? Like, how do you even spell that? And like what I want that on my ID and like what I want that as my presentation, like because Cooper sounds kind of better than that. You know what I mean? We go through that in our fucking head and men don't have to ever think about that until recently. Until recently, we as women in a beautiful way have started to wake the fuck up and be like, huh. Let's have a even even if you're so down to take his last name, you're like, but we should have a conversation about it right because like I'm an individual you're an individual we're merging our lives and like we want to change if you want to change your last names and have the same last name whether it's just because you're in love and you want to do that or it is traditional and you like that tradition or you want to have the same last name for your children whatever it be we should talk about it right and when a man is unwilling to talk about it that is where the turnoff begins for me and it sounds like what you're saying is your boyfriend is kind of you're kind of having this conversation by yourself that's why you're writing into me you're like hey girl uh mind if I just talk this one through with you right now because I don't know where else to go because Rico is basically shutting me out oh this is really complicated because I think that there's a lot of angles here that you need to consider number one being and I hate even saying this and you just have to be honest with yourself does your boyfriend respect women and I know that actually sounds so crazy that I'm even asking that because it actually sounds like people would be like of course he does but like no no no no like does he respect women in the sense that like you are truly equal to him does he respect women in the sense that like if you brought this up is his rebuttal going to be I would never take your fucking last name that's that's literally not how this goes that is that would never happen a man doesn't take a woman's name you take my last and it's all this like very um sexist speech essentially that is my biggest fear for a lot of us when we get into these dynamics because when you are in a heterodynamic there's a lot of dynamics where sometimes that like undertone of misogyny and sexism doesn't have to boil to the surface because a lot of times just in your day-to-day life like he's lovely he opens the door for you but he really likes his masculine position in your life and the minute and you've never really had to clash and question it you've Never had to ask him, well, what if I took a little bit of the masculinity and you are in your femininity?

29:04And the minute that happens, if it's like, get the fuck away from me, I feel like that's a red flag. I remember when Matt and I had met, so much of what I now in hindsight was doing, aside from like wanting to protect my independence and my identity, was like I was constantly temperature checking with him. to be like, I don't know if I ever want to get married. And he was like, okay, like, so what, like, you're like, but you're down for like life partner or what it like. And he was like interested in what I was saying. And I was like, yeah, I think I'm down for a life partner. I just like, and I would be committed and all of that.

29:43But like, I don't know if I like legally need the binding agreement. He was like, that is completely fine with me. And then we would talk through kids and like how we would want to raise kids in that dynamic. Like he went there with me. And then I was the one after almost like two years of dating where I was like, I want to move in together now after he had asked me and I said, no, poor Matt, he asked me to move in. I was like, no. Then like I eventually turned around. I was like, I'm ready. Everything had to be on my own terms. I think because I was just super hypersensitive to the fact of like, as women, it's hard not to, and I know this is not for everyone.

30:19It just really, for me, I needed to make sure that I was asserting some form of power in all of the guys that I've ever dated. And a lot of them, when I did any form of this, it was like pushback resistance. And if anything, maybe even a breakup. And with Matt, everything I tested, it was like, oh my God, wait, this is the dream, the way he's responding. When it came to our names and everything, that was a conversation that Matt was like, I would never, ever, ever ask you to change your name. And I was like, I'm not like 100 opposed actually weirdly um if to do a hyphenated thing or i just want to think about it one from the standpoint of my public situation and two for our kids and so we had a lot of conversations about that i know this is kind of long-winded i think i think it's like it's too hard to just give you a quick answer though i think you are someone who clearly is having a adverse reaction to your boyfriend is giving you clearly not the response you want and not even just that the fact that you're writing like I'm expected I don't love that for you and so I think that my advice is like you need to sit him down and you need to be honest because if this is actually the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with you clearly are a very smart person and you seem like you have boundaries and you respect yourself right and so you're like wait a second you're asking the right questions I'm not even if you take his last name you should be asking well wait a second like why do I have to do that and then everyone's rebuttal I love it when everyone's rebuttal is well every single one of us has a man's last name and isn't that fucking ironic well your last name Cooper is from a man I know and isn't that ironic that all of us just have men's last names.

32:15I know. That can just start the book. If we're writing like a misogyny patriarchy book, that's it, right? Like, boom. Because it's like, what the fuck? And now we're all waking up to it. So you have every right to be asking that question. I also want to clarify, if there's any woman watching this that's like I didn't ask I wanted to take his last name that is so your decision and I so respect you for that that's so so fair and I totally get it also there's really lovely things about tradition right and sometimes we don't need to think too much into it but as a woman this this is something that it is fair to ask the question about because guess what I'm about to push a baby out of my fucking vagina and all these women and then we just I do all this work and then we put the man's last name on the baby like there it begs to have some questions and some conversations so have the conversation with him and if he completely shuts you down and he's a misogynistic pig and he's like I don't really give a fuck probably not your husband girl that just fucking riled me up but I do think that's the point is like what what we're missing is like it is so okay to go with tradition but you have to make sure that you're doing it because you're like oh yeah like that's fun and nice and like I I'm down yeah but we had the conversation and I know you respect me and this is a mutual decision that we've both made and we've talked through incessantly and we both feel really good about it you didn't just get to make the decision and be like, if not, like I'll go find another fucking bitch that will do it.

33:57Like I'm not going to put up with this. And then you just have to like scurry and chase after him and like go along with it. That's not how you have to live your life. Okay. How should I think about it when my long-term boyfriend is invited to weddings without me in general, but specifically when the person knows me and is connected to his family?

34:16I don't like this. I don't like this at all. And I don't like this because I hate doing this. But my first question is like, what have you been up to? I don't like looking at the daddy gang with suspicious eyes, but I'm like, what's going on? What's going on over there? Because to not be getting that invite multiple times, multiple times, it's one thing if it's one, you know, like they're keeping it tight or budget's tight or something and like they didn't give plus ones but multiple weddings Franny's getting left behind what's Franny been up to because my gut worries and says because don't people don't want you there and I hate that answer because I'm defensive of you already because I'm like you're daddy gang you're writing in but then I'm like okay so let's talk it through.

35:16Why the fuck would people be inviting your boyfriend to all these different weddings and you've been in long-term relationship with this person? These are people you also know and he's the one getting the invite? Okay, two things. Number one, either this is like, these are really extremes and I hope I'm wrong on both of them, but this is the only context I have. So spare me. Number one, you would be really upset to find out how your boyfriend talks about you and what I mean by that is there's a potential that all of these people aren't inviting you because behind the scenes the way he speaks about you and he is close enough with these people that he has an understanding that you're not getting invited and that's for a reason and then he goes and he lives his best life at these weddings and like this may not be this may be a relationship that doesn't have a foundation of honesty like I don't know I'm not saying he's fucking bitches at these weddings but like okay that's like my fucked up pregnancy brain going like oh my god this is bad and then the other way that oh my god this is bad is like you drink too much you talk over everyone you're loud you're ruining nights where everyone's trying to have a good time you're rude you're mean you're not self-aware like again I'm not actually saying this about you but I'm just trying to rack my brain of like what would warrant no invite the only thing I also think I I hate I'm not going to name this episode context clues but honestly context clues um how does your boyfriend respond when you don't get invited that interests me that would tickle my brain to know the answer to that because if he's I'm picturing it you're in the kitchen the save the date comes in he opens it babe what's that oh uh nothing you're like no what is it oh um marty and fern are getting married this summer oh my god wait i'm so excited for them where is it where are we going uh not we me and you're like huh and he's like it uh it's for me I didn't get a plus one and then you're like what what do you mean Todd like I'm your girl I'm Franny like come on Todd like we go everywhere together Todd and he's like I'm so sorry babe like yeah you didn't get the invite this time and then he just walks off then Todd's in on it Franny okay because what the appropriate reaction would be what the fuck like I don't know they know we've been together for so long that's fucked up I didn't get a plus one like should I call and ask like I don't want to be rude but like obviously I'm not going to go without you that's just like fucked up so like I I don't know if like if they're close enough he'll talk to the person if they're not close enough maybe I'm not going like I don't know there would be back and forth of you guys trying to dissect why the fuck am I not getting invited and that doesn't seem like it's happening and you're just kind of like sitting in the corner are like have fun at the wedding Todd and he's like I'll be back Franny that's fucking crazy if when Matt and I were dating and we're like five years in and he's going off to these weddings and I wasn't getting invited oh my god I think there's something going on and you really need to get to the bottom of it but I don't think I have enough I don't have enough information to answer this one for you but it's one of I think it could be one of the two that I just offered and I don't like either of those for you so I'm here for you and please write in what the fuck happened because I don't like that for any I don't like that at all okay

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