Remi Bader: Don’t Call Me Body Positive (FBF)

0:02What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Remy Bader, welcome to Caller Daddy. Thank you for having me. How are you doing today? Tell me what you're feeling on this glorious day of being on Caller Daddy. I'm definitely like anxious. You make me anxious. No, I was looking yesterday at my like freaky notes of goals that I made like when I started in this like two years ago. and um the only like podcast I had on there like actually last thing on the list was like be on call her daddy like that was one of the like life goals career goals well you were here I bet you've checked off so many things on that list I've checked off a few and it was weird I was like I didn't even know what existed I went typed in call her daddy to see like notes that I've made for myself and then that's what came up and I was like wow this is cool

1:15you popped off on tiktok yeah during the pandemic for doing realistic clothing halls yes you're the clothing hall guru you really are what inspired you to first start doing this on the internet well i lost my job in covid i was in the music industry i was doing partnership marketing and then got furloughed, said I would come back, didn't happen. So I actually did not know what to do with myself. And then I gained like a significant amount of weight at that time, like kind of pre-COVID. My dad's in fashion and always said like, Remy, you should do plus size modeling. And I used to get so mad at him that he would say that.

1:51And at this point, I'm like zero dollars in my account, making no money. Like I need to do something. I was bored. And then I was always on TikTok, like in the pandemic, but looking at girls dancing, like there wasn't like a thought in my head and then I was like maybe and then I came across the curvy fashion side of TikTok like these curvy girls showing clothes and I was like wow this is cool so one day I literally just decided like I'm gonna teach myself how to edit like I'm gonna just film myself I'm gonna do something fun and it was like four videos did it for fun no one cared no one saw them and then when I kind of like gave it up it was like a video where I got a huge package of clothes tried them on in my room without filming it and I was just laughing at myself I was like wow I look insane and I sent it to my friends and I was like why don't I just make this into a TikTok and that's the one that blew up it was like the fifth video I made and I basically was like why do the clothes that we put on our bodies never look like what the model looks like online part of what made you successful was your content is you picking clothes that are approachable for everyone right right well I think I again this wasn't planned I didn't think people were going to see that video and I I did the same one the next day.

2:59That did even better. And then I started doing more. So I was excited and confused. Like, why are people watching this? But I just went with it. But I really don't, I don't think of everyone when I do the video. I think of, does this fit and look good on me? Because I've always struggled with finding clothes for myself, whether I've gained weight or before that. I was always a curvier girl and struggled with shopping. The two things that made it start being worth it were one, that people were like thanking me. And I was like, why are you thanking me? But I guess it started showing them that they could wear these clothes, that they could be confident, that they could do these things.

3:33But I didn't get it because I was in this not confident space. But it started helping me get there when these people were telling me, like, I wish I could be confident like you. So it kind of tricked my brain into making me, like, feel more confident. I totally get that. Like, everyone that's on the Internet, if you get any type of, like, positive feedback, maybe you weren't even thinking about that positive feedback. and you're like you're just posting it because you're like this is gonna be whatever I'm in COVID and then all of a sudden people are like wait thank you and you're like wait thank me for what like what did I do so that must have been a really cool moment I'm also interested so like first you started posting these things kind of with like nothing in mind I didn't know would turn into this and I also still in my head it wasn't something I wanted to do I was like I'm gonna be this like boss in the music industry like that's what I wanted so once you start posting though there was a transition when it did take off and then you essentially started to talk about getting clothing from brands and talking about how the brands were not inclusive yeah who were some of the first brands that you like named and called out for like not being inclusive in sizing and like how did they respond I think it started by not even brands I did pretty little thing in nasty offers which actually did have plus sizes but they're cheaper and like it just didn't look good on my body.

4:46So those were the first hauls. Then I started going into like a free people or something where I'm like, this looks insane on me. Wish you had a bigger size. But then I also showed the good. So I wasn't bashing these brands in my mind. When I did this, I was like, okay, all these brands are going to hate me. Now people are watching. I never thought these brands would want to work with me. Like that just, none of this was a thought in my head. I think before I post, like I definitely do, but I was just like, this is almost like a joke. So I'm just going to like go with it. So I would, but the one thing I noticed that people weren't doing online was showing the bad.

5:21They were all just showing the good and trying to make everything look perfect and showing just those clothes. What about those clothes that didn't fit? Right. So I took a little of like the humor that I always did have and put that into it. And I think that's maybe what made it a little bit different. Oh, well, totally. But it's not even the bad. It's like, it just doesn't feel good on my body. And you're just being honest. And the point is, it's okay. It happens to everyone. But I never had the issue of being two, three sizes bigger than I ever was. And I, for a little while, right before I posted, sat in my room, stopped going out, didn't see people anymore because I was so upset that I gained all this weight.

5:55And I thought that there was just no clothes out there for me. So like me forcing myself to shop because I always hated shopping, like it wasn't fun, made it more fun for me. And then seeing that I was helping people made it even better. And then down the line, once I started affecting these brands, I mean, that made it like I can do this, I guess, full time. Was it hard in the beginning to be that vulnerable? Yeah, I blocked every like guy friend or any girls I knew from home, like my family, like anyone I knew that maybe had a TikTok. I blocked everyone because I was so I really was embarrassed.

6:31I was like, I want to do this. This is cool. People are starting to see it. But like something made me embarrassed. Then it was like one day, like my guy friend was like, wait, I'm seeing this on my girlfriend's what is this? And I was just like, you know what? Screw it. And TikTok, it's interesting because I still feel this way. I'm way more vulnerable on TikTok. I would say things before I even told my family of feelings that I would feel and being sad or having a bad day and say it on TikTok without people in my life even knowing. So it's just like almost like the safe space for me. Once your family and your friends did find out and then they would see you having like these bad days on TikTok did people reach out like see if you were okay okay um 100 % I think that like my parents were they didn't know what TikTok was so like it was very interesting and until I started getting more brand deals and stuff because my dad's like a business guy like he didn't think it was real or anything in his mind he was like you can't stop working working like this isn't a job so that took a while for him like I would say it didn't even start popping off till like January and my first video was September.

7:36So once that started being real and like press was reaching out and all of that was when they started kind of understanding it a little bit more. Even my sister, when I like, she walked in and I was to the house and I was making a video, she's like, what are you doing? Like, it was just like a weird thing at first. But once people start to see like success from something, then they think it's cool. Like then it all changes. Your content kind of did also start to expand beyond clothing hauls. Yes. And you used your platform to highlight some other companies getting it wrong. Yes. So I think that slowly I started being like, now people are watching.

8:09I can't hide parts about myself. Like you either get the all me or nothing. And I was like, I have to show more of myself. So it started with a little bit of like, I have anxiety and a tic disorder and I have this and this and I struggle with this. And that was like scary for me to post. But I got good feedback from that. So over time, I started posting more things that would go on in my life. And before I had a following, I did this anyways. Like without having people follow me, what I had 2 ,000 followers, I would still post my every day. If something went wrong, I would post it. If I had a great day, I would post it.

8:39So I, you know, when things started to happen that would maybe not be the best, I felt like I had to post it. And with Delta specifically, it was like the second time since I gained weight that I was on an airplane and the seatbelt didn't fit me at all. and I was thinking in my head like I am a if I'm a 16 18 what about all of these other people that are way bigger than me how is this not fitting me and it just made me angry and I can't I can't hold that stuff in and I also feel like I now with the following have a responsibility for people that have felt this way prior or feeling this way that can't do anything about it or have no one to talk to about it like I feel like I should be saying those things yeah my automatic thing really is Like I know it might sound silly to some people, but for me, it's like, well, I'm going to put this on TikTok.

9:29Like I want people to see what's really happening. Like I'm going to do it in the moment. I never pre-plan these things. I'm always doing it right away because I feel like that's when I'm in my like feels of like this is real and this is happening. This is the most realistic. So right when that happened and before we took off, I just quickly did a TikTok of showing that the seatbelt didn't close with some random music in the background just saying like, I don't remember what it was, but like Delta, like get longer seatbelts or something, whatever it was. It was like a very quick video. And that then blew up.

10:00And you have two sides to that of people that truly feel the same way. And then you have the other people that are just like, screw you for complaining, screw you for trying to take down a business and screw you for being fat, basically. That was the first thing that really was like, should I have not done this? Should I have said it? And I have to really deep down think like, no, this is an experience that happened to me. People started saying like, look, she's holding the seatbelt. Like it's really not real. I'm like, and I want to get defensive and I want to say things. And then I just have to be like, I'm, I will always be true to myself.

10:30And I promised myself that. And if people don't think that that is true, like there's nothing I can do. Did Delta respond? No, they never reached out. And like, of course, I'll tag. I also tag because I want, there was articles that, you know, wrote about it and stuff. So like they saw, I feel like they had to. Yes, Delta is huge, but I feel like it did kind of blow up that I just thought like that you can always make a situation better. Like same with the clothing hauls. I never thought it would be anything. But the second, the first time like free people reached out and they're like, we'd love for you to do stuff with us.

11:00It's like, I'm always happy to be a part of it. I'm not about the canceling. I'm not trying to cancel these brands, these businesses, these small businesses, anything. but I can't hold in things that really happened to me. And I feel like I have to talk about it. And I'm going to get negative shit from people. I'm going to get people that don't agree with me, but I'm going to talk about my experiences. What do you wish Delta would have done? I wish they, yes, I get, I always look at the other side. So I think of the business, like I came from PR and marketing, like I understand. So I was like in my head, I'm like, okay, well if they can't change every plan and extend the seatbelts that right now they could put seatbelt extenders under the seat so you don't have to get embarrassed to go up to the plane and ask for one and have people looking at you and again it's like why should you feel embarrassed but it's the truth of it's the truth of it most people that messaged me were like I feel embarrassed to go up so I can't even put on a seatbelt and then you get the people that's like well then lose weight it's not that simple there's just way more to a lot all of this and it's like the point is we should all feel comfortable not even a question the people that are saying that are so fucking ignorant and I agree with you I saw your experience on TikTok this summer when you posted about a business discriminating against you at this ranch take me through that day what you were supposed to do and what happened yeah let's take a little drink

12:26okay okay I was on a brand trip with Hampton Water love them I was there with a few of my friends. It was like not a super big trip. And they had planned weeks before like 12 o 'clock horseback riding. And I was excited. I went horseback riding two months ago, actually, on a brand trip with Revolve and Amangiri. Didn't have an issue. Was great time. So I didn't think twice in my head. Like I went there. I was about to get on the horse. We signed papers like it was done and it did say on the sheet are you 240 and above so I checked off yes but that's all it said I was about to go on the horse it wasn't unless I said something and I looked at the lady because in Amangiri they put me on a bigger horse and I wasn't offended at all like a horse that could carry bigger weight that they did ask me how much I weighed I was not offended so I said to them um so I said okay are you guys gonna put me on like a specific course like I just want to know the deal and she's like you're not riding and I was like wait what do you mean like you said I like I signed the paper like everything was good you looked at it you took it like everything was fine and she was like no you're not riding like you can't and I'm like wait does it say it anywhere is it on the front of the place like wait I'm a little confused and she was like laughing and also I didn't mention this prior but this was also a bigger woman so that is pretty wild to me but she said you know you're not riding and I was just like you should you should definitely advertise that at least so I knew like I'm here right now this is happening like I'll leave it's fine but I was embarrassed I was really embarrassed and I think I was like shaken up and I didn't know what to do and I'm also there with like a bunch of influencer friends and I'm the only bigger girl so like I really didn't think much and it's funny to see in like what people's feedback is on it of just like she you don't know what really happened she could have flipped out and cursed the lady out and all this stuff and I'm like I swear on everything that never happened like I was almost too embarrassed to even say much I just remember being like this should be advertised and being like upset but like I left I calmly left the girl from Hampton Water was like are you okay I feel so bad whatever um where are all the influencers they're getting on the horses and do they see you not getting on the horse yes and they get on the horse yes and they get they see you leaving they get on the horse right off into the sunset and you leave and I got in the car and I just started sobbing it's like I don't even think I'm upset but I just called my sister and it's also like my family also when these things happen don't know what to do because they don't know the right thing to say they're also not my size so it's just like they didn't know what to say and I left and I posted this video and it started blowing up very quickly but it wasn't until honestly the influencers that were there started posting on the horses so people saw that themselves I didn't want to call out specific people and it wasn't until after I realized like shit like I'm the kind of person that would leave with someone you have influencers in a nasty ranch that have such power that every girl could have opened their fucking phone and live streamed that and been like look what the fuck is happening fuck this ranch like let's all leave together like it could have been such a amazing moment to support a fucking friend and instead they're like gotta get the photo like I'm sorry like and I don't want you don't have to bash them like I don't give a fuck that's disgusting and I think in my head I'm very right after I was just very in like shock of course and a lot of people are like don't blame the ranch blame your friends or don't do this like I think 100 % it was the ranch's fault I'm forgetting a huge thing that happened that right after later that day I posted that video it started blowing up I was getting a little anxious about it, whatever.

16:37But I happened to be on TikTok and I went to my mentions, which I barely ever do. And I saw that a guy and I was like, there's no way this guy's at the ranch. Like this is the ranch. I thought it was a random place. And he's like, made a TikTok video and was like, if you're a fat bitch, you can't ride a deep hollow ranch or something like that. And it was the owner's son. And the owner was in the background. They were all laughing. You could people laughing in the video and I reposted it right away and it only validated me posting because when I see something start blowing up that then has two sides, I get nervous.

17:11I'm not trying to tear down a small business. That's not what I want. But when I feel truly wronged and feel like this would be something that would also make other people feel like shit, like I think I have a pretty strong personality that I was okay, but some other people might not be okay. And I have to say what I feel and once that was posted I was like I did nothing wrong like he they didn't want me there I'm so sorry because you should never have been in that position and they acted if they're the way that they handled it is truly despicable if she nicely said like listen it would be you are too big to ride the horse for the reason that it would be unsafe for the horse gave me some like statistics or reasoning but that was not the case now I'm getting the shit of you're an animal abuser like you want to kill horses like you are you tear down small businesses you deserve hell like crazy crazy things and it really blew up like this was on the news in Australia like this was everywhere and I literally was like to my publicist like should I have never said anything and she's like no this happened to you you should have said something and it wasn't until a few days later that a few of the influencers apologized and I am just I don't want to like go deep into them because I feel like people still are asking me are you talking to those influencers I am a very forgiving person I I think some people don't have the personality I do to stand up for myself and to say things how they are and to like be vocal and I all I can say is that I'm trying to be understanding and I do feel like it's given me some sort of like I do need to look in different places for friends like I went into this so fast people don't understand how quickly this happened for me and of course I'm going to be friends with anyone that wants to be friends with me that's the person I am so like I'm just like excited I've just been excited but now I have to start being like okay like I need to respect myself and like who's respecting me not just because I have this following but because they want to they love me and they want to support me is the ranch still like open and well then I it when it once it blew up you have all the people that are like how dare this girl tear down a small business and whatever that are giving them amazing reviews that have never been there and like because it went down to like one on google and then every somehow all them are gone so I let it go people are still asking me about it I'm still getting messages that I'm a horse abuser to this day I one this morning like I've let it go in my mind because I'm like I did what I needed to do like let me move on where is that man like that disgusting man does he still work there yeah it's it's the owner's son daddy gang do your thing that's all I'm gonna say I think one thing that came from that which is that now been happening which is now being have been talked about in my comments for the past since this happened um is that every girl at that ranch and every influencer was skinny.

20:22And I've just been getting so much since then of why do you only hang out with skinny girls? Like you do this to yourself. Like you should be surrounding yourself with girls that look like you. I have never made a friend by their body type or what they look like. I like you if you're funny. I like you if you're trustworthy. I like you if you're cool. Like I just I don't. Just the same way as I look at guys. Like it's about personality for me. And I think that's been a really hard thing for me to see because it's like listen I came into this space like I said just excited and then I'm going to the events and there's barely any plus size influencers specifically in New York City a lot that I talk to are in LA and what am I supposed to do literally what am I supposed to do not go to these events yes I don't I don't know that till I'm there that there's no one else there that is my size.

21:15With brand trips, I try and find out the list. Like, I do the best I can with brands I'm working with. Do you have other plus size girls in this campaign? Like, I am trying. But one thing that people don't know is that I have reached out to so many plus size models that are well known and influencers in New York City that have not followed me back, not answered and read my messages like I've gone to shoots where I have I have felt so left out that they I've literally texted my mom in the corner being like I feel like a loser at eight hour shoots where these plus size girls don't even talk to me so like my one thing that I've been thinking about so much lately is I don't feel supported by a lot of the plus size community because a lot of them say that I'm not big enough to be plus size then I'm too big to be mid-size and then I get yelled at for hanging out with skinny people.

22:07So where do you want me to be? And what do you want me to consider myself? Because I've never labeled myself and I don't know what to do to make everyone happy. Like I literally don't know where I should put myself. What do you wish would be the situation and the case for you? I think the same thing as when I started all this, how like my dream is to have a line that caters to everyone and there's no labels of plus size, extended size, curvy. What's the best that a brand can call it? Whatever. Like everyone's just in one. You walk into a store and it's all sizes in one place. Like I that's all I've ever wanted.

22:43I don't think anyone should feel left out. That's why I don't even think that there should be plus size brands where there's no small sizes. Like I just think everyone should be included. And it's the same thing as I've never considered myself any title because and just the same thing as how I tell press not to call me. me body positive. Because then if I say that I'm not happy with my body one day, people are calling me fat phobic. It's like I can't win. And I never plan to be here. I'm grateful I'm here. I'm so happy. I'm so happy I have this voice because I've always been someone that could stand up for myself and that hasn't changed.

23:20So I'm happy that I could be this person that can like say it how it is and be honest and people are listening. But like I seem to lately not be able to win. And it seems that the people that followed me from the start want me to be this original like relatable girl that wasn't getting these brand deals that like was struggling and crying every day and was miserable like it's like the second I start to be happy it feels like I'm losing these people and they see that I'm happy and they're like well she's not one of us anymore it's like I'm just I just don't know what to do why are we doing that to women and it's women I get uncomfortable because I'm even in this position I don't know what to say but some people you know like being called fat because they're like I am fat where for me I take it as I personally and some people might not like it but I take it as a negative thing because as an insult my whole life since I was younger if anyone's trying to insult me the one insult is you're fat so as a negative thing so I just don't think any of these terms like even when they try and put extended sizes on a website like why do they have to say it's extended like I don't think there's any right and I think it's more of a personal thing of like what you want to be called my title I would say in press is now usually content creator and curve model but if someone wants to call me something different like I personally don't give a shit yeah I think the point is is the labeling and I truly believe Remy like you are helping break this barrier by even just having this conversation there's going to be people that don't like it but then there's going to be a lot of fucking people that look at what you're doing and they're like damn I want to be on that girl's fucking team because what she's doing is she's making a fucking difference and I have those days where I'm like I really am like only looking at the positive and like I'm Remy Bader like I'm gonna keep doing this but I actually do have more days and I see people saying things like why are you so negative and this and this and I'm like I it is so hard to be in this position to keep trying to be myself and not let anyone get in the way of that, but then have the people that are reaching out every day say, you're not the same or you're a fat bitch and you shouldn't be in this position or whatever mean things people want to say to me.

25:32I don't think people realize I'm the most sensitive person. I care what people think. I'm a people pleaser. I want to be friends with everyone. I am trying to please millions of people. And I make myself crazy. My parents are like, you need to take a break. You need to do. And I'm like, no. Like I want to make these people happy, but I I'm trying to also make myself happy. And it's this battle for someone that is a people pleaser. It's like I'm I just want people to understand I'm doing the best I can.

26:16you are extremely open with your fans and recently shared your decision to enter an outpatient treatment program what was your goal in entering treatment I think that I was so into what was happening on social media with my life in the past year and a half, two years, that I put my personal, personal, like, health and happiness aside. You need to be able to be happy when you're alone and by yourself. And my outlet before TikTok, actually, like, a year before, like, not my whole life, was food. So I would order, like,$50,$60 a night of, like, crazy amount of food and turn my phone off and sit there and eat like it was a drug and then cry after the rest of the night then call people then say I need help I need to do something but then the next day I'm gonna start over but the same thing happens this happened for two years and I think that it still was happening and I tried to like put it aside but it was still happening when TikTok was going on so I felt inauthentic in myself I felt I'm putting myself out there like I'm in this hot outfit and it's not fully inauthentic because in those moments I feel great but then when I go home and I'm crying and eating alone that night then I'm like how am I helping these people or trying to help these people when I'm not even helping myself so I you know I've tried a million things and it finally was like I didn't want to like be serious enough to say like I have an eating disorder a lot of people don't consider binge eating an eating disorder like they and you need to look a certain way to have an eating disorder like I had like this like addictive, crazy thing going on in my brain and I needed to take care of it.

27:57So I, you know, for six weeks, I stopped really going to events, stopped, stopped doing what I was doing, you know, did a little less content and really just focused on myself and did this in-person hours and hours a week treatment with a group and really, you know, all I could say about it, it was an amazing thing that I did. Do I wish I did it a little longer? Yes. There's so much coming up for me right now. And I had to make that decision of like, should I stop this right now? And I can kind of go back to it when I need to. Am I like solved and cured? Is everything fine? No. But I feel like I'm in a way better place.

28:37And I feel like I really helped myself and did something for myself for the first time in so long. Can you explain for someone who has never heard of this kind of treatment before just like what is a day yeah in the life in an out patient treatment program yeah so there's for eating specifically there's residential which is not outpatient which is like when you really need to that's all you're focused on you go away you sleep there that is like your life I did IOP so I was in intensive outpatient treatment I did three nights a week three hours each night in person no phone eat dinner together in a room and like have these very intense group therapies and CBT DBT body image groups all these things that like just really I'm like very now for group therapy I think it's really interesting and helpful to be able to put yourself in other people's shoes and like help each other out what's interesting and what a lot of other groups I know don't do it wasn't just binge eaters it was people that have anorexia bulimia body dysmorphia I was one of the only people big only bigger people in my group but you learn that you have a lot of similarities and can like truly support each other and the horse ranch thing and all this stuff actually happened when I was in this and it really kind of threw me back a little I actually like binged that week and really like it messed me up.

30:05But I had this group to like go force myself there. Didn't want to ever go that day. But once I was there, I was so grateful. And I met like amazing people that, you know, I really in that group all the time, like at the end was just like, I'm so mad at myself that I feel like I was going to be at this amazing, like I'm cured. I'm an amazing place. And all of them were like, Remy, like you've done so much for yourself. Like it's not like a snap of the finger. Like this is years and years of like your mind being one way like I'm a work in progress but like I did this for me thinking about how you said there were different women in your program even maybe a woman that struggled with anorexia and at first glance you may be like oh gosh like we can't really oh I was like why am I here right that first night I was like why am I here I feel so out of place this is insane and then you just start talking and you understand how many people have things in common and what I do want to say to people is I did a very specifically expensive program which I'm grateful that I was able to do.

31:04But if this was a year ago, I would not have been able to do it. And, you know, I put myself there. But there are other places that you could put yourself like an OA group, which is Overeaters Anonymous, things like that, which have and other groups that aren't just about overeating that are free or less money and other places that you could put yourself and just being able to put yourself in a position where you can relate to other people, I think, and not keeping it in is what helps the most. Anyone listening, it's incredible to hear you talk about how like it actually made you feel so connected and less alone and like you're able to bond with people that are going through similar things.

31:41And so in those moments after the ranch, when it set you back, it's like you're showing up and all these women are gonna be like, we're here, we got you and like, let's do this together. And that day, which I can't say, I would never say names or anyone, like it's all confidential, but that day that I was crying and freaking out and talking about the horse ranch and not sure if these people would understand and saying everything and there was a new girl there that day and the whole time never would have thought she knew me nothing like it's just not that type of vibe but at the end because I was so upset and I was like a massive bitch that day I was just sitting there with my arms crossed so upset and she was like I just have to say to you like I'm here because of you like I am in this program because of you because I saw your video and like I just need you to know how many people in the world you're helping because I wouldn't be taking care of myself if it wasn't for you.

32:31And then that snapped me back into like, why the hell am I focusing on all these people that are telling me I'm the worst human in the world when I'm helping these people? Did you take any tools from the program to try to help yourself while you're going to kind of get into this crazy part of your career right now? Yeah. I never even before this could even notice if I was hungry or not hungry because I was so messed up with food the past few years. so like even being able to notice that and like being able to just be a little more present when I'm eating I just went on a trip to Italy and London and like I was very nervous because Italy I was with a group of people but London I was alone and when I'm alone is when the binging happens and I just was like able to just like be more in tune with myself but you should never finish a program and like have no support so I'm like right now figuring out who my team is going to be like helping me outside of program.

33:23I'm interested to know you kind of mentioned this earlier about like the negativity people kind of come at you for calling out brands or you know making a comment about discrimination at like an airport or whatever it is what are you feeling towards people that think you're just being negative on the internet constantly how does that make you feel I think that it just frustrates me because again I can't cater to everyone but to my following I feel like I'm doing them good and myself good by being honest about the things that are happening and showing the difference of how maybe a person who is larger is treated.

34:00And I'm never, and I think a lot of people don't like that because maybe I wasn't this size a few years ago. I never was skinny, but I wasn't this size. So a lot of people don't like that. I'm like this newer, larger girl experiencing this and talking about it and people are listening. But I can't help people are listening. So the fact that they are means that I'm going to put as much as I can out there to help other people, to help myself, to make myself feel better and that it's okay that this shit's happening to me and realize that it's happening to other people. Like I can't not be myself.

34:32Like I can't not do the things that I feel in my gut I'm supposed to do. And if that's not good for higher end brands, if that's not good for this person or that person, like I have to learn because I'm not there yet to be okay with that. those people might not agree with me never want to work with me never want to talk to me but I have to like realize I'm being true to myself and that like I'm just doing I'm just like doing what I'm feel like I'm supposed to be doing at this point we do need to change and we need to listen and we need to educate ourselves and be more fucking mindful of people's fucking feelings and so I think what you're doing is amazing thank you we're gonna pour more rosé and now we're talking dating okay remi are you single are you dating are you in a relationship what is your facebook status is it complicated do you even have facebook anymore this is like a dream right now like let's just pause for a second like literally when i used to listen to call her daddy like in the beginning and like it was just talking like straight sex and stuff i was like this is me like i have to be on this one day anyways dating i've never had a boyfriend in my life okay 27 years old it's weird because I feel like when I say it I actually went on a date the other day which was like weird for me because I don't like dating but I went on a date the other day and I said that because he was like when was the last you've had a boyfriend and I've never actually said like on a date that I never have and I felt insecure about it but when I talk about it online I'm like I've never had a boyfriend like I think it's like a fun fact wait how did the date go um you're like um no Remy this is coming out in like August so like you can right I'm going on another one tonight with him what are you gonna wear this you should we stop you like him how'd you meet tell me everything we met on a dating app uh-huh this is the thing i'm dead because he's gonna hear this but like i've heard from a lot of his friends he's a fuck boy so it's like i already know this in my head which is good for you because you don't want or do you want something serious no i don't know what i want i don't know what i want i don't think i should go into anything like saying what is because again I don't like date because I don't like the whole like structured serious thing and I do need to grow up a little bit when it comes to dating yeah but I think sometimes it's cool to like go into it not expectations because sometimes like I've met guys in the past and I'm like this is the best fuck boy I'm so in the mood for this I didn't even know I was in the mood for this but I'm so down for casual or you meet someone you're like oh like we're gonna go on a second date pretty soon after and like maybe this will be like a little bit more of like a fun fling thing so I really don't know like I think that I think it'll be a fun thing but also like very sexually attracted to him like I feel like it's like we I and I've been going back and forth in my head like should I hook up with this guy like should I not and I'm like we like I don't think that should be even a factor like if I want to I should like I'm just like I just like don't I feel like I'm almost like out of the game but I do think that it's a comfort thing for me yeah that I don't like meeting new people I don't like having sex with new people like I get like I'm a totally different Remy.

37:35I'm awkward at first. I have a panic attack before dates. I just am like, I don't want to do this. But then when I'm there, I'm fine. But one thing that has gotten to me since I've gotten a following, and I don't know what to think about it. Because before, I was definitely hooking up with people more. And yes, maybe I don't want a boyfriend, but it doesn't mean I don't want to it doesn't mean I want to hook up with people less the second I got a following like every guy stopped being DMing me like no one reached out anymore like it was just like very weird and I always think and I've asked my guy friends because like I have a lot of close guy friends and I know that sounds like a pick me girl like what is a pick me girl I don't even know I heard it on Love Island it's so annoying I ask them because like I feel like they're all fuck boys and I'm like what do you think like why and from guys to girls I feel like everyone tells me like it's intimidation I'm like you're all lying and that's what annoys me I don't think these guys are intimidated because I feel like a guy when they want something will go for it and I can't help to lately be like very insecure about like I'm like a realistic person and I truly believe that it's I've gained weight I don't look like how I used to look and I'm not posting sexy shit all the time like I'm posting me being funny and showing my body and showing that I'm not maybe not happy with my body all the time so I don't think that's necessarily like attractive to guys this guy like at least I need to give him some respect because I wasn't even gonna go on the date was because like he knows what I do the first thing I said to him was like oh or he was like so what do you do other than tiktok and i'm like oh you have you seen my videos because you probably won't want to talk to me after that and he's like no i've seen them and you're hilarious and i was like whoa like that's cool okay and then remy you insert what the fuck you're doing in business oh i actually am starting a brand oh i'm doing this oh i'm doing this and all of a sudden they're like and you're like oh and dinner's on me just kidding you can the point is no one really reaches out like no one usually i think you got to be fucking sliding in those dms girl you need to fucking face plant into those dms get the fuck in there you see someone you think is cute dm them because i think when you take the initiative guys hate getting rejected sorry men but it's just so fucking true people are intimidated by someone that just looks on the outside like they got it all together as we're hearing from you today you're a normal human being you've got your ups and your downs but you're like i i want a guy to like you know slide in like what the fuck you should slide the fuck in you should slide in go off of something that you see on their profile send him his own picture say something funny about it or if it's on a dating app like message them first then they can take it from there but it's really you just giving the insight of like I'm interested what's up yeah and then I think you almost are showing that interest and they will reciprocate but I think that you gotta like balls in your fucking court why the fuck you're gonna wait for a guy why would we ever wait for men they move so slow like if you want to make something happen like women get shit fucking done I think it's like insecurities which I still have within myself of like I'm not this is still a new body for me it doesn't mean I hate myself it just means it's different and the one thing in my life I feel like I've always been like I used to like literally wear sweatpants at the beach like I was so embarrassed but for some reason when it came to sex since years ago most confident girl ever I think the fact that I feel insecure now about my body and it's completely affecting sex like I literally like last time I did like refuse to take my shirt off and the guy was like what and I was like no no no no I can't I hate that like I hate that I feel like it's not me like it's a totally different person and it's like ruining the one thing I always felt a hundred percent confidence in so that's where I'm like Like, of course, I'm going to feel like, no, I don't want to slide in.

41:33The sky doesn't wipe me. No one's reaching out to me because I'm just like fully 100 % blaming it on like my body and how I feel about myself. I don't know. I think that is a very relatable concept of like getting in your own way of almost looking back and thinking of something. You're like, fuck, I was so good at that. I enjoyed that. I think, first of all, you should be easy on yourself. We also have to remember we are our own worst enemies. So when you're feeling that insecurity, they're on the date with you. they're there they're like i think you're great and you and so we are always tearing ourselves down and i want you to fucking go on this date tonight and like channel like your bad bitch energy i know it's like corny but it's like actually what's the worst that can happen think about that ghosts oh oh bye casper don't care next like literally think about it like casper the friendly ghost like you what you should also do for yourself is like don't let yourself like fuck I wasn't myself maybe I was awkward and that's why I didn't call be yourself fucking go in there and be like you are with your friends and I know it's hard but I'm just saying like maybe tonight just be like fuck take the bottle with you out take the extra rose but you know what I mean it's like the worst I always like to think about like what's the worst that can happen yeah you're yourself and he doesn't like you well then get the fuck out okay I want to hear what is the dating story in your past that you are never gonna forget can be good or bad it can be a disaster tell us oh no no i did not mean to do that um so good a funny hookup story like have one at the top of my head so i was out one night and the only like the nights of my life that i've been like the worst remy is remy is when i have red bull and something like i think i'm allergic never give me red bull if they gave me a million dollars for brand deal i'd say absolutely not and I um so I was out drinking vodka and red ball got obliterated like I was just very drunk and there was this kid there that's best friends with my best friend okay and very good looking very hot man and um I was just like he was like flirting and wanted to get with me and I was like there's no way like I just was like there's just no possible way anyways he left went back to my friends and he texted me like come over and I was like okay I'm coming somehow ended up there but while on my way over I was texting my mom be home in five poor mother so didn't ever went home went to this kid's house went to my friend's house and this kid was there um we were hooking up in like his grandma's room oh sexy so I remember very few things from this evening but I remember like the my friend's mom so not this kid I was hooking up with mom coming in twice being like Remy you have to be quiet like you're being very loud and I just like something in my mind something in my mind kept me like like continuously like going like I have no idea I'm sick and then I got you and then I just somehow was up like left the kid I guess I was too drunk I don't even know was upstairs like naked and I guess I was so like walking around this kid's house naked and I threw up in the sink I guess but I left the sink on and fell asleep in the sink and I flooded the house I literally like the pipes burst and like started like the water started going over the kid that I was hooking up with downstairs like literally ruined the house you just flood this man's house what did you do in the morning so I woke up in the morning and I like didn't wake up with that kid I woke up with my best friend poor guy I feel like like I've like woken up in this kid's bed naked for years never hooked up with him but like done something horrible and I woke up and he's like Remy like you have no idea what you did last night I'm like wait what what are you talking about and the mom comes in and was like you literally flooded my house like we like don't even know what to do like it's horrible like you were so drunk whatever and then the kid comes in like the hot guy that I was looking up with like in a towel and he's like you remember what you did last night I'm like wait ew like I hate everything about you anyways what makes this story better is I look at my phone and my mom's like are you dead blah blah blah like freaking out so I call her and I'm like she's like where are you I thought you died you said you were coming home and I'm like mom chill and that Joe's like I'm fine and I wasn't gonna tell I tell my parents a lot but I wasn't gonna tell them what happened because they know the family and whatever and then my other guy friend came over later the day and he's like oh I can't believe if you flooded whatever's house.

46:16And my parents were like, what Remy? And yeah, it was just like amazing. And this, that kid that I hooked up with. Yes. Obviously I like love telling stories. So I told a bunch of my friends a story and I get a text from that kid literally the next morning, like shut your mouth, stop telling everyone we had sex, like relax. You're actually the last part of the story. I can't even, I honestly don't even remember the dick that I was sitting on. It was more about the flood and like the ambience of the entire house. And I was fucking up. That is fucking incredible. Did you ever talk to the guy again?

46:44um we're friends we're friends okay okay um for a while we didn't he's probably not going to talk to me after he hears the story but I don't really care um I think that and it was just like amazing like I said I worked at Bravo at the time and like had to send flowers from like my boss's office like to the house like I it was just so bad because they called me next they were like you're gonna have to pay for all this and then luckily the flowers helped and I didn't have to but um the point is that there's like I don't need to tell them but there's 10 million more of those stories because for some reason nothing normal ever happens to me like every time I do hook up with guys it's always some weird guys like to do freaky things to me like but it's amazing because I have like all these wild stories but I just feel like it always happens to me so I just like that's why it's like kind of fun to keep going with the like whole fun thing because like I don't know if I get a boyfriend or those stories right they happen anymore uh for a little bit and then events and then it's just you know happiness and love yeah that boring who do you go to for dating advice um I'm trying to think like this week if I texted anyone oh I'd love to um my sister-in-law because she's always been a fuck girl okay so in between her boyfriends she's like a fuck girl and then like a lot it just like sucks a lot of my friends have serious serious relationships and it doesn't make me want to have them like it makes me more like like I'm like happy for them but it never makes me feel like shit I'm missing out I need something more like I'm content where I'm at but something someone said to me which was like very I don't know you could tell me if it's true or not but like was like we're at the age where it's like it shouldn't be a game like if you show you're interested and they're interested back like that will maybe go somewhere like why does it have to be like he's not interested so I'm gonna make him more interested because I am a little messed up where I want what I can't have just because I've always had shitty relationships like in college like I I like I would hook up with people that are mean to me like for four years I hooked up with this guy in college that treated me like shit made me go home at 4am I was not allowed to sleep over and we just had like insane sex but he was like I'm not trying to be rude but like way below me so I always like shoot lower and it's something freaky I do but I'm like I only know games and I think I'm like a little tired of it there's always going to be games it's just the level of which you're like stressing yourself out and if the games feel so on like inauthentic don't fucking do them but if it's to push yourself a little bit to like I'm actually gonna message him that's a game or hold back on texting him that's a game but keep it like authentic to yourself do you think that you should be even in your mind at this point with anyone being that I mean I'm 27 it's not like I'm that old but like do you think you should be even thinking like should I text him should I not or like lean into like I'm gonna text him because I can't no I think no and yes like I kind of said like yeah if you think you're gonna to text him that day sure like I said maybe don't text him at 10 a.m but you're like I'm gonna text him I'm gonna fuck but like maybe I'm gonna wait because we just fucked three hours earlier I got home I have quite literally like come and throw up in my hair I'm gonna go shower first before I'm like what are you doing tonight but I hate when people like it's no games dating is a fucking game I love how I threw this way I need to ask you a question I'm like dating okay Remy this fall you will be launching your own line with revolve how would you describe the line you're designing well this is one of the pieces you walked in and i was like i was like wait no one i'm like way too overdressed for color daddy this is the goal i want i've been looking at you and you're glistening and you're amazing and you look incredible and this dress is in i walked out freaking out to my system like i look like i'm going to a nightclub like i was like this is not right like i don't Daddy bitch.

50:26I love it. Anyways, it's a pretty big collection. There's going to be two different drops. Might be before a fall. I like did the fitting for everything. Like I was a very, very a part of the process with Revolve. I'm super excited. It's going to be extra, extra small to 4X. 4X in most styles because it was 3X and because we got a lot of feedback, I got them to go to a 4X and everything like is something I would wear. Everything is something that fits me great. and like I'm just like really excited to share with everyone I can't fucking wait to see the tiktoks are you gonna do hauls of your own clothes on yeah dude you have to bring the same energy you're like this is the doing what do you have certain like like names actually do it today in this um yeah there's a name for each thing I like named after like my family my friend my mom's like if you change the name with the adina duster I'll kill you she's like I came up with the duster I'm like chill it's yours like relax it must be like kind of surreal though like that's fucking dope the way that revolve found me is basically being like do better like these clothes don't fit I wish I could wear your clothes like never think thinking that they'd hate me and they actually the reason I respect them is because they came they reached out to me that day when I had like 200k before I truly blew up and was like we've been trying to do this we need your help like we want to do this line with her like literally that day that encompasses everything we were talking about there's going to be people that don't want to change and then they're going to be people like revolve that are like let's go remy yeah like let's fucking go and i think that's a part of the thing where you know they get a lot of you know negative feedback for not being inclusive and whatever but any brands that are trying to change now and want me a part of the change just like i'm a brand ambassador and size consultant for pink maybe they haven't done it in the past but a lot of these employees have changed a lot of them want change now if it's three years from now when they were asking me i would feel very differently but i do think that this is a time where finally people are making moves and feel like they're able to.