Reneé Rapp: At Least I'm Hot

0:02What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Renee Rapp, welcome back to Call Her Daddy. Thank you. It has been 582 days since you last sat with me on this show. Has it actually? I had someone else do the math, so like. Oh my God, amazing. But I think it's important to highlight. No, I believe it. 582 days since I last saw you, right? I know, I haven't seen you since then. That's so inappropriate. I just watch you through the internet. Me too. I'm just like, go girl, go. No, I'm like, you're getting married, so am I. I'm like, this is awesome. I was getting married while you were going through a breakup.

0:40Maybe. Yeah, no, needed that. Needed, needed. I was like, things are going to work out, right? Nope. How would you describe that version of yourself back then in three words? Oh, my God. I was so eager. I was so eager. I was so...

1:02I really, really, really wanted every... Okay, this is not three words. I really wanted everyone to like me so badly. And I also was just, I think I was just so green. I was so green. I just was like, I think what people had perceived of me not caring or not giving a fuck was actually just me being so absolutely thrilled. And I was like, ah, everything is amazing. This is awesome. And then reality kind of sets in and you're like, wait, this shit kind of sucks. So you're like, wait, life kind of hits you in the ass. Dude, it's crazy even hearing you say that because I remember our interview. Like, I felt your excitement, but I also could feel you understandably going through that hard moment where you're like, I want to be taken seriously as a singer, but everyone knows me as a fucking actress.

1:53Yes. And like, how do I bridge this gap? And so it was like this energy that you were trying to shift, which is fucking hard to do. So hard. And also like, I... I think there's, which you will understand this 100%, there's such an adjustment to, what a pick me thing to say, but there's such an adjustment to like having cameras on you in your conversations and in your like personal life in a way. It just like, it just inherently is an adjustment. Like you don't, cause you, I don't know. I don't know. You tell me how you feel about this, but I was like, i am truly just doing what i would be doing and talking how i would be talking except for being filmed or doing something or putting it out there putting it in a song putting it in whatever and then to like see it back is really kind of confusing because then you start to perceive yourself in a way that like other people perceive you however you'll never be able to see yourself how other people see you i you know i relate 100 because this isn't natural right we're gonna talk differently understandably if we're at my fucking house with no cameras on completely not that we're being fake it's just different no i'm just like i'm getting canceled if we're talking without cameras on do you know what i'm saying 100 how much media training have you gotten since i last saw you.

3:18Bro, none. I feel like people have tried. I feel like it's, you know, I had, I will never forget when I lived in my first house that I lived in in LA. I lived in Burbank and I was like, oh my God, I have like a home. I was renting, but it was like, it felt like my home, which like it is, but I'd only lived in an apartment. So I was like, oh my god I'm like a homeowner and I was and I was like I was sat on the phone with like a a publicist from maybe the PR company I was working with at the time I honestly don't remember and I remember like understanding that they were trying to kind of coach me into like what to say and what not to say and it was kind of like the second I realized it I like totally just like tapped out and i was like oh i'm really uninterested in hearing this not that they were doing anything wrong or their intentions were wrong i was just like i'm not gonna regurgitate what you just said to me but i feel like that's like a lot of times the turning point for artists which is not their fault but you get all these people in your ear and then you're like oh is this what it takes to make it like is this the steps i need to take in order to be liked in in order to become like one of the biggest stars in the world.

4:40And the fact that that moment, probably one of the biggest first moments where people were trying to shape you into this person. You're like, no, I don't know. I was just like, wait, like I, I understand, but that's not what I will be doing. But I think that's why people are loving you. Cause you're very unfiltered. Um, you talk about how you like dress kind of according to how gay you're feeling. Correct. Talk to me about how you pick this outfit. Um, today, this outfit is coming from probably like a six and a half i would say on a scale of zero to gay and i don't know i like i really recently i've been wearing heels i used to never wear heels and now i love a heel now i'm like give me some fucking height i don't know we get an email and your team is like we have like 10 plus people we're gonna bring right classic renee entourage Of course.

5:30When and where is the last time you went somewhere alone?

5:37Okay. I was, you have to go here alone. Okay. Well, I didn't go alone. I rode in the car with people, but then I had to go alone. Where? The last thing was the Academy Gala. And I was so fucking freaked out because I was like, I'm literally going to split myself vagina to tip of head. I was like, this is going to be so terrible. But I made it. And I was like stood like in the like carpet line. And everybody, of course, is like chit chatting. And I was like, Oh, my God, I'm just gonna end it all right now. This is just the worst. And then I just spent the whole time on the phone because I was way too anxious.

6:15And I got nervous. You know, I think people perceive me as being very confident and hanging out and like can talk to anybody literally not at all I'm like shaking like a whore in church and that's the last time you ever went anywhere alone ever again yeah Regina George died no and that's when Regina George died I like I it's so it's like it was the only thing I could talk about for the first like fucking 45 minutes being inside like I swear to god I like every single person that I saw I was like oh my god like how are you I had to come here by myself and they're like yeah so did I and I was like whoa you okay and they're like yeah like it's definitely weird but like I'm okay they're like it's like an hour ago at this point and I was like yeah no totally I'm over it you get home you're sobbing no I'm like having a fucking panic attack shaking no amount of a beta blocker could have prepared me for that nothing okay do you remember who you brought to the studio two years ago I brought I brought I brought a girlfriend of mine two years ago and when I was thinking about it yeah i'm pretty sure there was like you were not publicly out fully yet with her and people saw her in the back of some of our videos we took together yes and it was like a light soft launch where people were like wait it's definitely her with her like oh my gosh they're definitely together yes they yes and it was so crazy because like seeing you basically two years later that moment i remember how like giddy in love you were sorry is your girlfriend like in the green room no she's she's uh one second we're getting to you she's got a sprained ankle at home perfect she's immobile actually i hid her crutches so she won't be leaving the house you're like you are not leaving sit down especially you're not coming to call her daddy yeah hang on i remember you were like giddy and in love and it was like the beginning stages absolutely puppy love it was very cute absolutely talk to me about what happened i ended up after that kind of year of my life just being like I am really unhappy and I think that first of all I do believe that everything serves its purpose yeah I like fully believe every relationship every friendship every like I'm a big like everything happens for a reason all good I think that there were like a lot of people in my life particularly in that year and I think also kind of when you're like coming up and starting to like be you know perceived by larger amounts of people do more things that it you know is exciting your job can kind of become you will understand this deeply your job becomes a playground to everybody else and for you it's your work and don't get me wrong there are parts of it that are so fucking exciting and we're so fortunate to work in something that can be like so jokes and so fucking fun but my whole life kind of became a playground for a lot of people and I stopped seeing my friends I stopped I stopped having fun I stopped having fun and I was like damn I have to make like a lot of like massive life changes and so fall of almost fall of 2023 like really late summer I started to like I crashed out and I was like, yo, I have to be boundaried in some way in my life.

9:45Like I have to start protecting myself from being used. I have to start protecting myself from like overexposing myself. I have to stop like letting people bring their friends, aunts, best friends, like side fucking bitch to the concert. Like, why am I doing that? Like, I was just like, damn, like I just realized that I I became a jungle gym for everybody to have fun. And that is so isolating and sad. It sucked. It sucked so bad. And did you break up with them or did they break up with you? It was like pretty amicable. It was pretty amicable. So is this not the relationship that you wrote about in this new album, Miss Renee?

10:33It is, but it's on certain, only on certain songs. This album is like a conglomerate of my current relationship, my past relationship, the relationship that I was in before that, that I don't even know if you could consider a relationship about like some of my friends. It's like I was we were talking about this the other day and I was like going through it and I was like, wow, like there are so many different people. Or I guess experiences on this album that are even like half and half put together in some songs. No matter how like shit that relationship was, I remember just being like, damn, that's a place I never want to get to again.

11:33okay yeah let's put how much you can filter yourself to the test okay go this game is called confess or text okay this is how it works i'm gonna ask you a juicy borderline inappropriate like slightly like insane question okay just like a little like you know call our daddy totally fine if you want to answer it great we go to the next question okay if you don't want to answer it you can pass and you have to text oh my god wait thank you both don't go in the bowl don't touch them okay you're already about to start going i was like wait no no no you're like is that candy no I'm like, it's my fishbowl.

12:08Okay. So if you say, no, I don't want to answer that. You then have to go into the bowls and you're going to text someone. One, you're going to find out who you're texting. Okay. The second bowl, you're going to find out what you're texting them. Okay. What is your weirdest kink? Ice. What? Ice. Ice. Like ice. Are you running to the kitchen grabbing ice? Fuck yeah. Perfect. Absolutely. Who is the rudest person you've ever met at an award show? Oh my God. I'm going to text. Oh, I just remembered. okay who do i go to your fishbowl okay what is that okay it's tina fay i have to text you okay and now go to the other fishbowl she's actually gonna love this i know she's gonna love this i know she'll love it okay i hit someone on my way to call her daddy and i just drove off do you think it's fine i think that's good for tina right love i feel like she'll love that i'm gonna say hey babe question i hit someone on my way to call her daddy and just drove off do you think it's fine or what do you think i should do i trust you she's gonna be like what's your problem perfect okay so we'll leave that there for tina okay next question okay what is the worst thought that you've ever had during sex oh my god why are you ugly you know when you get too close to someone's face and you're realizing that you're so uninterested and you're like, whoa, you just got ugly.

13:38I was thinking like that. My answer is probably like, I don't want to be here. Of course. Naturally. Which is like. Naturally. I mean, I spent years of my life having sex with men. So that is not foreign to me. Or like, why do you have that? Like, what is that? Get nothing away from me. Literally get that. If that looks me in the fucking eye one more time, I'm going to shoot you. Which celebrity has tried to flirt with you that was clearly in a relationship? okay i'm gonna text about fucking face

14:13okay all right this is cara i have to text cara something wait that's so funny okay okay i have to text cara by the way a new song on my album is about you dot dot dot and i was okay she'll love this okay this is gonna be so hilarious because my last text to Cara was I literally hate being alive I'm so mad all the time and so sad I hate being around people are you doing okay I feel so depressed did she answer she sent me a slew oh I thought she left you in red I was like imagine she's like fuck you bitch no she sent me a slew of the most like inspirational best texts this bitch is like my sister so but I haven't responded to those because she sent them since I got here wait so you sent you sent these yeah today yeah of course not doing well i just won't be responding to all of the the beauty nothing and wisdom that my dear friend has just texted me i'm saying by the way a new song on my album is about you i'm gonna put a winky face she's gonna freak out right she's gonna be like do you not care about everything supportive i just texted you she's like i love you i'm here for you she's like do you still want to die and you're like no no we're like no no i'm alive now i'm alive now i'm alive now okay okay perfect okay next have you ever made a sex tape yes what has been your biggest crash out two days ago or this morning this morning tomorrow really all the time all the time i'm constantly in the state of crashing out which older celebrities have made you hate old people

15:46she's gonna text oh i'm gonna text because i don't want you bitches coming for me because i don't like y 'all so i don't want to hear from you okay one more text and then we're moving on oh wait cara did text me oh bro she's so cute she said in all caps what which one liar she's like wait what's going on tell me oh my god wait now she's probably gonna be like so sad wait oh my god how do i say there's not a song about her oh my god okay i have to call her after this because she's gonna be like you fucking bitch yeah wait wait that's so sad i thought it was gonna more like scare someone because obviously the album is about like fuck you but of course but she's thinking you're like writing like a ballad to her that's like gorgeous and lovely like you're saying how much you love her and now you have to actually do the harder thing and be like no there's no fucking song what's it called okay who are you texting yeah let's see oh kasha okay i can text now that's a down-ass bitch i can text her something and she'll get it okay bro i accidentally said your name during sex last night i'm overthinking this what do you think it means okay so she'll love it she'll be like girl you're a free you're a free spirit i accidentally said your name during sex last night what does this mean i'm overthinking it yeah perfect okay done wait car is hello i have to know is it mean is it sexy is it fun oh my god she's spiraling she's like literally what is it about bitch she's spiraling okay what what literally the love of my life tina said hmm i would say stop and just be regular and exchange insurance but how far are you away now tina faye i love you thoughtful thoughtful so thoughtful literally thoughtful wait that's so fucking sweet that that is so thoughtful that's like the best fucking response someone because she didn't implicate herself she's saying to do the right thing but then also being a homie like but how far are you she's so responsible okay close your phone and then when you get a notification from one of those people you have to read us the answer okay perfect um okay let's talk about your girlfriend toa yes sorry you're at home with your crutches i know poor thing but let's talk about her um what first attracted you to each other well we were friends for a really long time and i i think like what made me want to be her friend to be honest was she's such a talented musician and there's something about a musician that like i am just so i like your brain works in a way that i understand and i it is musicians are always also so like deep like tortured people that i'm like we gotta be friends we gotta be friends like we have to know each other like we have to know each other so i i and honestly i just like i really admired her a lot like i was like she is so smart and just like really naturally good like you see like a natural talent and you just kind of know so i really wanted her i i just like kind of wanted to be in her space and like in her orbit who made the first move she would she would deny this and say that it was me but but i feel like it was her why because actually no no no okay thinking back i think in her defense i'm pretty sure we kind of both decided with each other um we definitely did heavy flirting definitely did not even just kind of we started to like relax around each other actually like we started to relax around each other like i was i think also because she's really talented and really cool just to be honest she was always so intimidating to me and once i kind of started to relax oh no no who tina she said oh my god i love her so much what did she say she said when you say someone you mean a car right she thinks you hit a person she thinks i hit a person she thinks i hit a small family of five so we respond we need to respond to like relax her just say i just had to send that it's a joke on call her daddy we love you oh my god everyone is alive first of all i'm so sorry this is such a joke i'm doing call her daddy and i i am not okay oh a fishbowl

20:22last time we spoke yes you told me quote i have dated so many people in the same fucking font if you went through the roster of 2021 they're all siblings yes does toa fit the mold no really no wait visually visually personality all of it everything no like not to be so insufferably uh in love but like she is really one of one there is like truly i've never met another person like her i don't think another person like her exists like in every sense of the word she is like physically so singular like she's the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world she's like so stunning and it's just subjective like we always say like we're always like she's not like you can be you can be gay you can be straight you can be a big burly like cis man everybody thinks she's hot because she's objectively really fine she's everybody's type so like she's got her own thing there as a person she is not at all like anyone i've ever dated she's like so secure and loving and supportive and wants nothing from me except to like love me and be with me um and has been so like thoughtful about that uh which i really really appreciate and i think she also appreciates too and she understands because like she's an artist so she gets it but um yeah she's just like she's just so yeah she's so one of one I think everybody else that I've dated has been really um I don't know if the people that I've dated have actually liked me or if they've just like been with me like for fun because it like feels good and it's exciting again like a jungle gym like everything is like a fucking play day to everybody no she's like i couldn't give a i couldn't give less of a fuck about what you do with all due respect being with her has just made me realize how unsupportive the rest of my relationships were i mean you can even just like tell like how calm you are yeah you can just tell you're very at ease with her beyond there's like there's truly there's like there's no one i would rather be around or spend my time with you guys moved in together how did you know you were ready for that like we were spending so much time together anyway then we were like why do we pay for two separate places like this is so silly like why are we wasting money and also i I don't know there's something about like in like gay relationships it feels very like um like roommate-y almost and I was like dude like you got to be my roommate like what are we on about like this is like we have to do this okay we do you have a PSA for any lesbians listening of like knowing when is the right time to move in with your partner bitch I've had people move in with me against my will so i am not i am not the one to give advice because i don't even i can't even i can't even control oh my god i can't even control it yeah is it like oh my fucking god i'd be like hey can i please like can i have a moment of space would that be all right and it would be met with like you don't want to be around me so you hate me that's really fucked up like you just like did it i'd be like wait but like this is my house can you please like can i actually sleep in my own bed please and then you start looking around and all of their stuff has already moved in you're like wait when did we have the conversation you were moving in how did this happen how literally how did this happen but toa and i we we like waited a minute to move in like over a year to move in with each other because there's a seriousness with which we both took our relationship from the jump and then on I think because we both knew immediately that we were really going to try and put our best foot forward and be like the best partner for each other because we both really wanted it to work so I think in taking the time to decide to move in with each other it actually allowed us to like grow closer because we were so secure in ourselves and in our own decisions that we were able to then do it together because like don't get me wrong sometimes rushing into things is the way and sometimes it works like sometimes it works and sometimes you know and you know and you run free but i had just been in a situation where i was like yo i like i i have no life my life is lost i i i can't even fucking like wear the outfits i want to wear like i need i'm scared so i also didn't trust my judgment i was like i don't i don't know but i wanted it to work with her desperately because i was so in love with her so i i think we just like took every precaution dude that's amazing though yeah the fact that you now are able to be like we live together it's going amazing and i did the opposite of everything i've done in previous relationships i took it so fucking slow that by the time we moved in together we're like duh yeah we were like oh my god time we're like why are we paying for two places like this is kind of outrageous i'm like we're like camping between like cribs i'm like this is so stupid bro but also it was i think it was like i think it was important i think it was important um random pivot yeah sure can we talk about some straight men why why oh do you have any straight male friends yeah i got i could i've definitely have some and i could count them on one hand you're like on one finger actually i'm like i fuck with my dad no i have a few okay um i feel like this is the year for a lot of women of like de-centering men from our lives which is probably a really good thing right crazy i want to hear your opinion on just like a few go let's start with like a basic easy layup how do you feel about brad pitt um i okay i'm envisioning something in my mind and i need to make sure that this is brad pitt before i start talking because if it's not then i'm not sure renee hang on you're lying to my face right now stop i gotta look it up i need i just need to make sure i just watched a movie yes oh my god this is him okay brad pitt love here's why i love him in oceans 11 because i love his style it's really nice i like want that closet he also always has a toothpick like spoken like a true dyke i'm like he looks so fine in that movie i just watched it with t for the first time she was like you gotta get into like some boy movies i was like no i don't and then she showed me that I was like this is kind of nice I think he looks really good in that movie so I like him he is objectively gorgeous that's about all I know but I really like what I've seen okay um the cheating CEO from the Coldplay concert I don't really understand that whole fiasco because I don't really think that's on my side of the internet like I've definitely heard I've heard rumor he brought a woman at his company right to a Coldplay concert who is not his wife and that's how they were on the video every time uh chris martin the coldplay man sings one of these songs yellow something whatever of course look at the stars yeah i know him yeah okay great you know him so then they put a camera on a really cute looking couple he's holding her at the waist that's why okay swang back and forth yeah they get caught they physically jump to the ground and hide then it's found out that he has a full wife kids was fully cheating took his mistress to the cold concert how do we feel about this man um not loving dare i say hating let's get one thing straight that's fucking crazy yo everybody makes mistakes but that's insane when you oh my god when you have a family no you're a piece of shit i can't and he wrote an apology and in the apology at the end he basically kind of like blames cold play like a public apology yeah he wrote a public apology oh my god you're not the pope what are you doing wait he made like a notes app apology he's like an influencer who got canceled for saying a slur what are we doing is this real i didn't know about obama um really really good looking guy right to bag michelle obama hey yo to bag michelle obama you got to be doing something right travis kelsey um i'm not sure okay i definitely know who that is because of taylor swift right thank you um elon musk oh my god literally rollover i'm so sorry rollover rollover and i know y 'all are checking the internet now and you're checking people's phones when they go through customs and you're doing all that bullshit rollover rollover get fucked all y 'all it's embarrassing it's embarrassing it is so fucking embarrassing you are despicable despicable it makes me so livid everyone who is in power is such a fucking joke have you seen people who drive teslas and they have the sticker on the back one yesterday where they're like i bought this i promised before i saw one yesterday and i loved it i know my sister-in-law has it i like rolled up to her house yesterday i was like queen saw it and loved it um okay you recently said that sex is amazing for you right now yeah tell us the daddy gang like what what could we do be doing better uh i don't take ssris anymore i don't take ssris anymore for me personally i was like i'm i'm good on it i don't think that i want that at that point in my life um that helped and also i stopped taking birth control because that shit is poison um let's transition to a different type of sex sex size of college girls right we made it sex um okay explain to me yes what happened why did you depart it was just so fun you're like who texted me i like it was so fun it was awesome what was the final straw come on it was just so fun it was just so fun did you sign an nda i've signed many i have signed mini bro how did genuinely i have signed mini how did people take it on the show um when you announced that you were leaving fine they were like get out bitch fine yeah like i think totally fine they were ready for you to go i think that sometimes you just know sometimes you just know also like nothing's like nothing on a on a set is ever a secret like it's at least it's really hard to do that like also i was the last one finding out about things so i think that it's i think i don't really think anybody cared to be honest i'm sure somebody did but i don't care the lyric in your new song says quote i took my sex life with me now the show ain't fucking yeah did anyone try to stop you from putting that lyric in the song no okay so i love everyone around you god forbid i use wordplay god forbid a girl uses wordplay i look similar to all the bullshit like what am i like i what am i to do if not like make music that is genuinely reflective of my life it i it just it just is

32:25okay i'm gonna ask you a lot of random questions these aren't already random go please and i just want your answers okay give me what's the most recent things your friends have made fun of you for i said recently to all of my friends that i i was like you guys let's get real like i'm the glue and they were like and they're like excuse you and i was like i know it's bitchy i understand it sounds conceited but i need you guys to all get fucking serious and tell me like let's talk about it i'm the glue like i'm i'm making the plans i'm holding this bitch together and all my friends were like you are so fucking crazy that is such an obscene thing to say and i was like just chew on it and then come back to me let me know if you think i'm the glue everyone whether reluctant or not agreed that in a sense i am the glue but i did get clowned for it and because you're making such like a pretty big statement about yourself of course but it's honest but it's honest and i'm not saying i'm um god's gift i'm just saying like you're the glue I make a dinner reservation every once in a while.

33:28And that's huge. That's big. That's big. I'm like, what are we doing? You know, everybody's like, should we do this? Should we do this? I'm like, no one. Let's go. Fuck, marry, kill. Sure. Ellen DeGeneres. Right. Rosie O'Donnell. Right. Jojo Siwa. Oh, my God. OK, well, Mary Ellen DeGeneres. Mary Ellen DeGeneres. Nemo is my favorite film of all time. and that is single-handedly one of the best voiceover acting jobs we have seen and maybe we'll ever see to date there is truly nothing like it and we are not talking about it enough mary ellen in this scenario or any um who are the other ones rosie o'donnell and jojo siwa i for the purpose of this exercise i would oh my god i'll fuck on rosie o'donnell

34:23yeah yeah i think okay so we're killing jojo yeah okay but god bless god bless god bless god bless okay what would you do if you were forced to have dinner with a straight white man whose personality revolved around Joe Rogan being his religion. I need you to tell me something. Who the fuck is Joe Rogan? Because I saw something using, I saw a TikTok using his name today and I was like, what is that? And that was not the first time I'd heard this name, but I'm not sure who that is. He's not in Ocean's Eleven. No, he's not. Who is this? Have you ever watched Fear Factor? No, what's that? Do you know what the UFC is?

35:08What is this? the UFC like UFC fights he's a he's a he's a fighter well I don't know he has a podcast he's my height I guess you don't have to be tall to be a fighter we're moving on yeah you and Amy Polar recently bonded over disliking boys who do backflips okay is Benson Boone the exception or is he the reason for the trauma god damn it okay i literally so i texted benson about this because i was like i was like listen god damn it i was like first of all amy and i's conversation okay obsessed with her a there's truly nobody better the duo of her and tina together is one that will go down in history they are the nicest people alive and so fucking funny um this conversation with amy and i came from somehow oh we started talking okay we started talking about svu which i know that you just don't even don't even get me started on risk don't even fucking talk to me about risk she walked in here i life changed was freaking out i was freaking out renee i thought i was gonna literally off myself imagine me meeting her not risk shit shit myself i was like oh my god i watch every night she is everything this is Perfect.

36:30Okay. She's perfect. Anyway, we're talking about SVU. We're talking about SVU. And then we got into how much I love Christopher Maloney. And then we started talking about this picture of Christopher Maloney in a split for a men's health spread at one point. And I was like, look at this. He's in split. I love Christopher Maloney. But I was like, I don't like when guys do splits. And so we started talking about flexible men. And I said that the reason for me disliking when men do like, like flips or splits or tricks or little like acrobatic things. It reminds me of the musical theater straight boy who is not very talented, but bags every hot bitch in the cast in high school.

37:13Okay. This is an archetype in musical theater that disrupts me to my core. And they're always flipping or they always have a trick. They can always do an aerial or something. And they're not talented, but they can flip. and so I get deeply disturbed when men do splits or anything acrobatic now because I'm like this is taking me back to a place that I worked really hard to escape from so Benson is the exception Benson can listen he's not the reason for the trauma no my god no listen he can flip he can flip all he wants what straight behavior should be illegal all of it okay you're stuck in a group therapy session sure with your most recent ex your hometown homophobe and your childhood bully who do you make cry first i'm like totally going for my childhood bully that one's been like waiting a long time coming that one's been a long time uh actually wait i take it back i kind of forgive her really i don't know the childhood thing is difficult because i am a full believer that kids are assholes and kids are not only like going through so much shift but also like hate themselves at the same time as like trying to figure out who they are so i do i do have i do have some like grace there so maybe i wouldn't make my childhood bully cry because i i would get it a little bit i'd be like it's okay all good people can change i don't know i might hit a three-peat i might get them like all at once i might be like y 'all all fucking busted ugly not talented boring just yeah take them all out all out at once i love that for you closure right exactly exactly what is the most lesbian thing about you i genuinely think the most lesbian thing about me is it's so funny i think like my toa said this to me the other day she was like you are so fucking gay she's like you are so much gayer than i am and i was like excuse me i was like what are you talking about look at you i was like are we dead ass right now and she was like no no you are so much gayer than i am and i was like why and she was like you are so deeply deeply deeply repulsed by dick it is insane and it's true i like can't even it makes me it makes my stomach turn it makes me sick to my stomach i don't understand it i can't get behind it i don't like the shape i don't like i don't like the fact that it's um i'm not i i hate it it makes me like deeply upset and like sick to my stomach are you aware of something called dorking no yeah don't be well you might be fine with this it's oh my god i'm like getting like viscerally sick thinking about it it's like it's like where like people with like dicks like oh they like twerk with their they like dance basically i just found out about it and i was like you all are fucking repulsive you have to stop that right now i feel assaulted just by hearing it just by hearing they're swinging their wieners around hate hate hate hate hate hate hate i like can't do it and there's like i think like when you're like so like gay or so like lesbian you can like make jokes about it and it's like hee hee hee i'm like no literally not at all it makes me sick to my stomach i've like just warmed up to it to where i like can hear it but i think that's the most lesbian thing about me is it makes me viscerally upset like i there's like a deep it's like a guttural it's really yeah it's coming up i'm like literally stop it right now we're moving on let's talk about your music oh sure how did you feel with the internet internet harassing you that you weren't coming out with music fast enough uh it's nice it's nice I think it's really to be honest for me it was like it was really actually quite affirming to know that people care because I live in my head pretty much 24 7 like I was texting Cara earlier and I was like I'm literally so depressed I can't like do anything I don't want to move um I live in my head all the time so seeing that fans of mine like were like a super funny about asking for new music and also really like endearing i was like honestly i gotta be real like that feels so nice to hear and were you ever feeling pressured like fuck i need to hurry up and write and get stuff out or no you were like it's coming yes but not by them not by them why at all just like i think like people a lot of people i work with were like okay let's like put something out and i was like fuck okay i have to i have to i have to and then i was like wait on free will just remembered i have it no not going to wait and how long did you spend writing this album almost two years two years so during this whole hiatus you've been like slowly working on this so it wasn't like a one week you banged it out and then you're like okay put it up no oh my god it was a it was a long process and frankly i would have taken so much longer if everybody hadn't been like hey about that time how you doing but i i again i live in my head 24 7 so i would i would sit and ruminate on songs for the next 10 years if you let me yeah you know what lyric from this album were you the most conflicted about putting out well the general answer is like all of them yeah because there's like a difference so when i'm like writing them i love writing very personally and like very how i feel because that's what it's meant to be right and then months later down the line i start to get like oh my god like i have to release like every single like good bad amazing embarrassing part about me that i've put on this album out into the world and and just let everyone have it and hope that they will receive it with open arms understanding and like see me as a full person um and i think that's where it starts to get a bit scary if i think about it too much what is one song that was possibly not going to make it on uh we almost didn't well wouldn't you we'd like that wouldn't you is the last song that i was like okay we can put this on the album but i feel like that was good because it like concluded it almost that's kind of the conclusion that we came to yeah i i just we we wrote that song when i was really really really stressed and i was on a trip in nashville writing and also i think like like wouldn't you like the like the cheeky line about like i would never cheat again i that was another one where like writing it i was like oh my god this feels so good to like get all of this shit out i feel so like relieved to be able to like poke fun at something so horrible that happened to me and make light of it and something that i did at one point that i'm not proud of like i was like this feels so fucking good to get out and then like months later i was like oh my god like what if it isn't received in the right way oh my god like i can't like i don't know if i want to put that much of my personal life out there i don't know what i did and then ultimately what i always come back to is just like no one knows every intimate detail of my life that is how it should be that is okay i made something that i am really proud of and as a songwriter and an artist i want to make things that are who i am holistically as a person so anytime i start to like tweak out about something or get worried about like putting a line on i'm like yeah but like this is my this is what i do and this is my job and this is what i love and this is also how i like expressing myself and also i poke fun at bullshit i do all the time yeah so like i'm gonna also do that in music because that's that just it is what it is do you ever give x's a heads up that they will be talked about no i don't talk to them okay no what is toa's favorite song on the album i'm calling her hi sweetie hey can i ask you a question um what is your favorite song on my album and why is it everything but also if you had to pick one specific song what would you say that it is okay she said it's either that's so funny or at least i'm hot good good choices sweets good choices okay i love you oh or shy okay she loves the whole thing okay she loves god forbid god forbid she has taste i love you okay bye bye what songs are you most excited to perform for your fans

46:28i'm really excited to perform shy i think shy is so oh god that's just like i i'm like such a sucker for like a really nice hook and a good chord progression okay but gone i know you know how i feel about you with like you're singing like last time when you sang for us i was like crying because your your voice renee you could strip every single fucking instrument out and you your voice i could my jaws to the floor every fucking time so when i heard gone i was like there she is there she is no it's truly like thank you for giving us this piece of work and thank you for sitting down with me again and we need to do it again in two fucking years thanks dude i know we do it every two years every two years it's like a little tradition we'll see where you're at next maybe in two years you'll come out with another album probably fuck it'll take you a little longer maybe next time god damn it i don't know i don't know bro maybe thank you thanks man you're amazing