Robby Hoffman: Hot Takes & Falling in Love

48:17We were always like amazed. Like let's say we like we were like five like skinny bitches like 20 years old, short skirts, heels, the whole bit in the freezing cold. You know, no not even paying for coat checks. So running from running from the car to the club, trying to get in. Please, sir, we're cold. And we can't believe he lets us in. okay meanwhile we're like five 20 year old girls like of course that's who's getting and we can't believe we got the free drink did you believe these guys gave us they're crammed it's so obvious reason they got the the the bottle was for this to happen to them dude it isn't it so terrifying when you look at it you're like oh my god how stupid and easy men are when it's like it's all it took was me to wear that chop are you fucking kidding me but they had to spend some money I do remember thinking I well I do remember because I remember my brothers having to go out and I helped my brothers with their plenty of fish profiles and online dating back then and one of my brothers was colorblind this shirt this shirt my brother was so cute but they didn't have money and I always felt like what really sung me because I always thought a great date for any amount was a movie and when movies became amount of affordable i said that is it if my brother cannot even take a girl to a movie what are we doing what chance does he have what chat and he's only like 18 like he's trying to order he's working at fedex like if he can't take a bitch to a movie like he's not i've been out to these clubs what is he gonna do he's stuck it's horrible because these fellas had to have like that bottle was like five and i don't know what it was the bottle service is fucking crazy and they did it.

50:05So, you know, there was they were doing their thing. However, they got their money. Maybe they were flipping cell phones. I don't know what they were doing or coming from it. In many cases, the ones not coming from it who got it. I'm not looking at your your taxes. I don't care what you don't care. You did what you had to do. And you did what you had to do. And you got. Yeah. And I did what I had to do. OK, you have a theory. Oh, in every relationship, you need one hot person. Oh, yeah. And one smart person. How did this idea come to be? it's just always been the case. I can't tell that ideas and it's not a hundred percent for the, you need the right ratio.

50:43There's a relationship ratio that that's what we're talking about. We're talking about the two sides of the ratio. Okay. For those of you didn't, you know, math is, you know, the two colon, the colon is the ratio and you're quitting both sides. One side's got to be hot you need an attraction something hot is different to people but also it's you know and then there's uh smart those are the two things for the relationship that's a scale so if you're bringing mostly smart you gotta look for mostly hot if you're bringing 50 smart and 50 hot you need a 50 52 what if the balance is off and you have two hot people or two smart people.

51:27Look at two hot people. It's a disaster. Hollywood, J-Lo and Ben, it doesn't matter how many times they try, they're missing an entire circle, right? They have two hot, and I'm not saying, and they're lovely, but they're missing an entire, two smart, that's two ogos, that's a hazard on the road. No, and nothing wrong. But that's just what it is. We've seen the couples. But you need something driving the other stuff. You need a good mix of both. But what's more lethal? Or what's more like, oh, this is going to go down in flames. Hot, hot, smart, smart. Down in flames, I think is hot, hot. What happens with two hot people or two smart people?

52:11They're just you're literally just walking around like I goes. Yeah. Happens. But is that so bad? By the way, by the way. OK, but at least they can work, you know. But what happens is, you know, sometimes, you know, you get, you know, they either go outside or whatever if the hot doesn't pick up. Right. Like maybe one of the uggo sees a hottie. I mean, she's going to kill me for saying this. Emily? What? Emily? Are you trying to talk to your team? Yeah. They can't talk to you back in here. Basically, it's a general ratio. You want to make sure you have it. Okay. um gabby you know and and and the ratios don't even make sense gabby i think brings 90 of the hotness um and i can feel confident going anywhere with her whether it's a grocery store whether it's a carpet whatever it is because i'm like with gab nobody's even looking at me who cares okay um but i think i'm a cutie so i bring 10 so we have our 100 hot and on the smart people forget gabby was a nurse so she's practically a fucking doctor in this country she's an icu nurse so we split the smart 50 50 we have our circle there just fill the circles however you can get to your fill do it you got to do it yeah i think that's a really great point i i do think people need to be a little bit more self-aware and it also depends what type of like time you're in your life right and sometimes in college you're like i just want a hot guy i want a hot girl and you're just going for the hot and you actually like i don't want you to be fucking smart because i don't want to end up with you i just want to have fun and you might be smart right that's a lethal con you want to know lethal somebody like you or gab they're hot and they're smart gab i always tell she doesn't have to be hot that she doesn't have to be hot or smart for as hot and smart as she is you don't have to be hot you don't have to be as smart as you are for as hot as you are you could have leaned on one that is the lethal combo is that sometimes they're hot like gab and they're brilliant too what fucking chance do you have what chance do you have but does that mean that then they could get with someone that can bring less to the table because they're bringing more.

54:23It does. Or does that build resentment? No, but that means that you, if you want just some guy in college, what do you care? You're carrying a lot of the circles already. We're carrying it. Yeah, you have a big contribution to your, right? Your fill is there. You need less of it. Maybe you're doing 90 % hot like Gap and 90 % smart and you just knew you're looking for 10 on either. Oh, what a life. A guy walking around with 20 %? That checks out. Most of them are. And that's generous. Yeah. Thank you. You had a live Colin show once where you gave advice called the Robbie Hoffman Consulting Group.

54:58What do you think during COVID qualified to you to give people advice? Well, I mean, I have an undergraduate degree from McGill University in accounting. Thank you very much. I think I'm qualified on all areas of relationship, of psychology, of finance, of fashion, due to my credentials right there. What are some of the weirdest calls you ever got? No, we got a lot of calls, you know. This is so boring. We went through people's resumes. I like to spruce up a resume. You know, things like that. We really, I don't know. We got tons. I don't know what weird is. I can't even qualify as something being weird.

55:45Like somebody could ask me anything and I'm like, oh yeah, that's a fair question. So I don't know. What celebrity would you call for advice? A celebrity? Well, they're calling you. What would it take for you to call in? I wouldn't call a celebrity. I want like, you know, the neurologist at Cedars-Sinai. That's somebody I would call. You know, I don't think a celebrity. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't think a celebrity I'm going to for advice, but to me, celebrities are, because my mother always had a reverence for doctors. And we went once a year for a checkup. And I remember at one point, and if we weren't going to school, I don't think we would have had these checkups.

56:22So thank God for the schools, the school system. But I remember me and my brothers sitting on the, what is that bench called at the doctors? oh i know what you mean what is the the well you know you know with the paper on it it's like the it's like the table the table the gurney it's almost a gurney it's kind of creepy okay so anyway we're all on there we're all in our underwear you know i'm maybe like eight nine ten and like right we're all a year apart and we're all in our underwear me and three of my brothers okay we're freezing we're sitting he's doing the knee thing we're having fun And, okay, he weighs a saw and he's going down.

56:58My mother's there, like, you know, nervous. Like she's brought four of her kids in for this appointment. And he does her checkup and he's going through it. And he's like, yeah, your brother looks really healthy. This one over here, the oldest, he's looking great, perfectly. You know, the other one, we'd love if he was finishing his plate. My brother, who was like a little, nothing crazy, but just make sure he's finishing everything on his plate. He's in a little lower of a percentile. We'd love to see him just a little meatier next year. Nothing crazy. see uh me you know uh rifka robbie she she looks uh healthy fine okay okay he gets finished with all of us and he goes okay kids have a great year at school see you next year he leaves the room for us right right my mother's like get dressed get dressed get you we're like pulling our we're getting dressed okay she's pulling my brother's pants she's like you're all way enough embarrassing me in front of the doctor because my mother all she did was cooked and you know threw food on the table right and he's just a small we were all so he's still small to the same you know what i mean he's just a skinny guy right and but my mother she was so embarrassed like it looked upon her that she wasn't feeding her kids because he's and he doesn't you know way enough he's eight years old he has no clue what do you what does he have anything to do with what he weighs at that age it's like a full form of self-examination for her in that moment she's like how they looking yeah really it's like a reflection on her yeah she's taking it like so then she implemented did the piece system where you finish to you know two more pieces or whatever doing all that and i'm like i already had my two more pieces i'm good you said two more pieces last time i am done with pieces for this i love that you all went in together she would do as many as she could yeah yeah four then four yeah because it was just like an annual checkup like are the kids do they have their shots or whatever they were always kind of a little intimidating it was sitting there in her underwear i was like cold he's some pedophile obviously that he's just wondering like did i I have to strip down to my underwear not thinking about it.

58:51That may have been a unique experience. And that may have been my mother being like, everybody get on, you know, the doctor's coming in to examine. Like she had us ready. Like she didn't waste a doctor's time. And the doctor was like, I didn't need you to be naked. And so those are the people I revere to this day. Like I like to get on the phone with a great lawyer or a doctor or a scientist. Having one of them on speed dial. A lawyer on speed dial, a doctor on speed dial. There's nothing like it. There's nothing. Okay. In one of the episode descriptions, you said, we are now helping those most in need, predominantly non-lesbians.

59:25What did I say that? Yeah, that was in one of your episode descriptions for your advice. Oh, for advice. Yes. Because I know, no, no, because what happened was people thought it was only lesbians to call in. And you're like, lesbians were flooding the lines. And it's like, no, like the fellas need a lot of help here. You see how they're walking around. they're they're in many wars they're they're they're investing in in crypto at you know they're and you know so get them on the line so i think that was a clarification what what is some straight people shit you just like cannot get behind a lot okay a lot of straight men claim that going down on a woman is so difficult because it's hard to find the clit oh okay yeah like dj Khaled is gay yeah no that's what I think I think if you're bragging about not going down on a woman it's like bro just come out like there's no other way to come out like it's not giving what you think it's giving fellas it's like bizarre it's like just be gay like again leave women alone like why this whole song and dance like they like gay men like just be gay be friends like they'd be thrilled for you like don't drag them on this thing and your weird thing yeah no I think a man not going down on a woman, which by the way, going down on some women is great.

1:00:44Some others it's not. I'm sure it's like hooking up with men. I've had, I've had, you know, thank God I married Gabby is all I can say. Thank God I married Gabby. But you know, so it, find your girl, you know, but I think bragging about not going, it's like, okay, like, I don't know where to go from that. Like just literally be gay. So weird. Give us your advice. Ready? if someone's like how do i approach someone in the wild what do i do it depends on the circumstance okay who's approaching who a young woman in her early 20s to a man is going up to a man no never do not do that you don't need to be doing that a man in a man is going up to a woman in her 30s.

1:01:33Where are they? Are they in a place? They're at a luxury bar. Okay, they're at a bar. They're at a place of approach.

1:01:45I don't know. I think just keep it simple. Can I buy you a drink? Listen, I don't want to beat around the bush. Can I get you a drink? I've been looking at you. No worries either way. Okay, have a great evening. She says no, walk away nice. She says, I'm okay. Thank you. Have a terrific evening. I like the no worries either way. Like, don't put too much pressure. Yeah. Hey, I was just wondering. You know, it's like Gabby when I met her the first time and I was like, listen, I don't want to beat around the bush, but I got to get your number. love that you know did she give it to you well her friend who was a fan of mine that's how like her friend spotted me and i was like thank god that was very new for me for spotting to be happening she was with gab and she said i'll give you the number i'll give you the number because she was a fan of mine and i said no no i'm not getting it from you i'm getting it from the source and i'm testing it tonight wait how did you guys meet we met outside of uh we were uh And there was like a little like event happening at a bar space.

1:02:42Okay. Yeah. And I was late to it because I work nights and I got there to meet up with a friend and we were all on our way out and I got spotted by, by, well, another lesbian who kind of looked like me, like one of the more boyish ones, even more boyish than me. So at this point I thought, well, let's get out of here. This is really, this is not the night. I'm like, I'm not gay like that. You know, somebody like that is looking at me. I'm like, oh no, no, no, no. I'm not one of those. I'm not that gay. you know like i don't feel gay with gabby because i'm like okay one's like kind of doing the boy weird thing and one's a girl like we kind of have a heteronormative lifestyle like the only gay thing about me is that i'm gay but other than that i'm not even gay but if another lesbian like me like or even butchier than me with the buzz cut and the whole hit on me i'd be like what are you fucking gay like that to me is so gay and it happens it'd be too much for you that's too gay You have a very specific type that you're going for.

1:03:36Yeah, just that. No, it's not even. Yeah, like, you know, Gab and I make sense to me. So that person was and I was like and they were like, no, no, no. I love they were like, oh, no, I'm not gay like that. They were like, I love your comedy. I'm like, oh, thank you so much. I'm happy it's relating to, you know, but then I was like, OK, never mind you. Who are you with? And it was Gabby. And, you know, one of these things doesn't belong, you know, kind of a dive. You know, lesbian events are not. um let's just say we're not gay men you know the event space isn't isn't you know the flowers weren't picked up that day and all all the stuff that gay men maybe do but um we could use more at our places but uh gab was there and i was like well who's this and they were like oh yeah that's gabby the bachelor i was like the bachelor's gay but i don't know what the bachelor's doing maybe they are gay now and some of them are you know i didn't heard one was gay i mean he tricked all these women again just be gay even though people would argue that gab did that but bisexuality in women is a lot more like they're more open with it um i just think it's not as shameful men have like shamed each other into like not even being able to be their five percent gay which is a minimum um maybe for them but yeah so i just i wasn't sure it was a bachelor's gay okay i've missed out on so long of the bat, you know?

1:04:57And, um, and they were like, oh no, no, no. Uh, you know, uh, she's, uh, she's, she's just exploring. And I'm like, what is she, Dora the Explorer? I was like 28 years old exploring. I said, I don't think so. You know? And, um, I got right to it. I got right to it. I was like, uh, okay. Uh, well, do you, do you, i forget what i asked her but then the second question or something i asked her is like do you come for money and she was like and i was like say no more i knew she didn't you know because people come for money nothing wrong but i can't date them um they say we were comfortable or something right wait why couldn't you date someone with money to me it's like dating outside of the faith like i don't you know for me religion isn't the the thing that it's like the day-to-day like people who grew up with money versus people who didn't it's an entire different it's day in and day out it's every small thing you know i joke about it but grocery you know grocery shopping changes everything changes if i'm not in the mood whether i have the money or not to spend 9.99 on raspberries from an air one i'm not in the mood i don't care if the money is there i cannot and she moves on we understand that language we're like that is criminal we keep it moving we keep it moving right with somebody who grew up differently than that those are those are too many we're not speaking the same language gab and i speak the same language and that's i want somebody who's doing well now by the grace of god um and we both get it we both have our own we don't want to spend that we know it's we don't want to we don't want to so i asked her that and she said no you know military like and i said military for sure no money that's wonderful they we don't receive you know and her father is you know her family is amazing and uh thank you for thank you for your service for her entire family but military family and um i just love that i love the grit of of how she grew up and being a nurse and i just there was so many things that lined up you know we spoke the same language like on paper we don't look people like what an odd couple but it's like the compatibility is through the roof did even though you were first told like oh she's just exploring right you were right now just like oh my god no not interested then you started talking to her did you kind of know immediately what do you mean they're not interested like you said like oh when you're someone when the person told you like oh she's exploring you're like no what is she dora the explorer like no no no way like i'm not interested in no i didn't say i'm not interested i said she's just she already knows oh okay okay she's made it to the dyke bar or the dyke event this is just this is not dora the explorer on an assignment she's not anderson cooper in the war zone reporting back no no no she this is yeah i she was a little reaching your late 20s when you're 30 i think no you're 16 and you're exploring go ahead but do not come to me you know you knew she was ready certain age and tell me you're exploring so you knew if you got in there you're like no no she's ready oh yeah i mean she just explored she had 25 boyfriends you know so that didn't you know so she's here you know she did her last ditch hurrah and i got the final rose it's unbelievable how did you and gabby kind of navigate those early days in your relationship with like the fame of the bachelor and people looking at you guys like how did that go i honestly and again i hate saying this it could not have gone better I really am living one of the greatest lives I've heard about and it happens to be mine and I and I'm like thrilled with it like I really thought the worst case scenario but my observing ego was like maybe it'll work out something I'm like no this is gonna go like I told her not to come out I said this is not gonna be good for bachelor nation they don't want you to be gay the fellas are gonna go crazy right and and then I don't need this mob bachelor nation has embraced me I love you.

1:09:00Everyone is just tremendous to me and to Gab. So it went really well. But I told her, I thought she doesn't have to come out. People were starting to see us. I don't love living in secret, but I also was fine to do it because I'm like, oh, she's a lot more public. And her dating life is specifically public. I'm public with my work, but nobody's really... So it was a new sensitivity or another... And so I told her not to come out because I said, they're going to blame me. They're going to look at us and say, whose fault is this? So obviously this, you know, they're going to blame me. And then they're going to find out like, you know, Jewish.

1:09:36It's like, we don't need like, forget it. It's all going to come down to me. I was in no mood. I said, this is a miracle that we even met and that we get to enjoy. But, but actually it went amazing. And people have been, again, it's like, I hate to say it, but people have been so good to us. Who said, I love you first? me of course did she say it back right away or no yeah but then she stopped saying it for a minute so here's what happened what'd you do this is the gayest thing about me because i have dated before but i'm very i've been slow i never really lived with anyone i took five years to like maybe you know with gab i was like 13 days in like sat her down and i'm like i just gotta like I gotta be up front.

1:10:23I am falling in love with you. Because she was like, what is this? And I'm like, this is love. Like, what are we? She's like, what is this? And I don't know. And I'm like, it's love. It's what it is. And so that's what's going on. And we need to confront that, you know. And so I asked her to be my girlfriend. And then, you know, it was very elementary, very sweet, very cute. um very lesbian which yeah but you know what it's never too late to be a lesbian for the first time I was acting as fast as they say we were um and then yeah I was feeling fast for her so we we pulled back but she was also not trusting like in the beginning like Gabby you know and in a healthy relationship or good relationship ideally you work through your stuff with the person like you realize why you are the way you are and you don't you know what I mean and it all comes out so she was having that experience of like, you know, I guess I didn't trust that, you know, one of her parents would be home when they should be home or they said something to her and it didn't happen.

1:11:26You know, she wasn't able to trust it. But as we committed more and more, she always felt like, even though it felt like she actually enjoyed the commitment. Like when we became, when we moved in, she was like, oh my God, I really trust that you love me. like I really feel better like every step that we did to more commitment which would seem that she was like a pulling back but actually when and I never when she was like okay yeah let's move like when she I would never push or whatever she would then feel 10 times closer when we got married she even said she's like I really trust that you love me like it's just about it's just about we're all coming from our spaces.

1:12:09And in the beginning, she was sometimes afraid to say a feeling that she had because if she spoke up as a child sometimes and, you know, one day when she, you know, if you, you know, if you want her on and she's leaving the house or you catch her at the right time, she could speak more to this. I hate to share her stuff, but she, what was I saying with the trust? Didn't believe, love. Oh, yeah. No. Yes, you got it. You got it. You're a fucking pro. Got you. I appreciate you. Appreciate you. Got you. Yeah, she would like if she expressed her feeling, let's say something I did annoyed her. I'm annoying.

1:12:49I'm expecting to be like I'm expecting at some point she's going to be annoyed with me. I'm a very annoying person. It's one of my biggest insecurities. I always try not to be. And for people who find me annoying, I'm always trying to talk less and to be less annoying. And unfortunately, part of my anxiety is I talk a lot and I am annoying. So it is what it is, but I'm aware and I don't like it either. I don't like it either. But let's say she, you know, I left something where she wouldn't want something or, um, I don't know if it like, if I'm like, oh, well you throw me the leash and she would rather like a throw me this.

1:13:22She wouldn't even say something even as small as that bothered her because she would think that it's like a fight. She would think that like, oh, I wouldn't love her if, if something, you know, she's so used to Like if she brought up problems as a kid, it was like a problem with her. So that stuff like came out and I'm like, babe, you're going to have a million problems with me. Like you're going to be like a million things. Sometimes I'm going to hurt your feelings. Like there's going to be so many things. And I'm still here. I'm here. I had the opposite experience. Even though I was so poor, my mother was always home.

1:13:57So I knew no matter what happened, I called on the walls. I fucking flunked this. I whatever. We got to fight. The bitch is in the kitchen. She's cooking. She's where is she? I know to this day where my mother is. She's in the kitchen. The bitch is in the kitchen. You know, she was for love or money, poor cooking and doing laundry every single day. She never left the house. Right. So that type of stability. So we come from somewhere that I can handle a lot. I'm like, bring it on. What is it? Which is probably so amazing to her, though, but she had never experienced that. And I love what you had said at the beginning, which is so real.

1:14:29It's like sometimes you do have to really individually do the work because your partner can't solve it for you but then the fun moments in relationships when you realize you're compatible is also realizing like oh my baggage and my shit works really well with your baggage and your shit and what i'm bringing like gabby's like oh my gosh let's see if you can handle this and you're like this is child's play like i got you and she's like wait you're not gonna run you're not gonna get mad at me and that's really beautiful i am in the kitchen i'm in the kitchen i'm in the kitchen i'm in the kitchen and I love everything.

1:15:02Yeah. Like, uh, yeah, it's kind of like, yeah, what you were saying, the baggage, it's like we heal each other through, you know, it's like, I have the exact, uh, je ne sais quoi for her and she is exact for my stuff. Um, so it really, really works in a way that isn't, yeah, we're not solving each other's problems, nor is it our responsibility. They just are healing together and how amazing that like her with her wanting to trust but not feeling like she could trust you having yes things in your childhood but you being like no no i'm always gonna be in the kitchen i'm not going anywhere i'm not and to be that stable force for her to keep proving like proving when you moved in together and she's like oh my god maybe this is real proving when you got married she's like oh my god you really do love me you're like yeah girl I'm always going to be here.

1:15:49Like, I'm just nobody is here. Like, I'm just here. That's what like it's not. Yeah. So once I decide, I mean, I'm also like that with so many things. I found these glasses 12 years ago. I don't know what I'm going to do. It's like they work. They fit. This is my glasses. Like, I don't rethink. I have one. You know, I decide on the thing. Babe, look how I am. I used to do with everything, not just people. You're all in. I'm like, if I like something, why am I getting new glasses? Why am I going to the optometrist trying? Like, no, I don't. I like it. It works. And I can like something for a long time.

1:16:25I still listen to songs 20 years ago. Okay. Freaking Vanessa Carlton. Making my way back home. Nothing like that. I think it's making my way downtown. Oh, yeah. Could be wrong. Listen, 20 years and I still don't know the lyrics. But that is a classic. That's a classic. Like, I won't get over it. Making my way back home. Wait, does she ever say that? No, it's making my way downtown. Walk it. Yeah. Yeah, but that at some point she goes home. She goes. Can you tell us in the comments? She does. She's looking up. Look it up. I do love a good Vanessa Carlton. Are these real? Yeah, you can eat them.

1:17:04No, no, you can. Maybe you're not the person to eat them. Wait, how long have they been there? We replenish, but there could be a little dust. You just replenish. There's no way it says making my way back home. She says making my way downtown. No, you're right about that. Walking fast. Face is hot and I'm homebound There we go and I'm homebound Yeah she's homebound

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1:19:13You and Gabby addition. people hate when i chew on podcasts oh yeah yeah that can get you see see the annoying i hear you and i'm going are they good really yeah okay yeah okay all right who is more likely to laugh at an inappropriate time me or gab gab and i are the same gab and i laugh at everything the same like we both we are so inappropriate at home she lets me be me i let her be her what is like an inopportune time that you guys have found something funny that you're like what we need to fucking stop right now. Stop laughing. Stop laughing. It could be an unfortunate circumstance and we're laughing.

1:19:48It's not my fault. Okay. Who's more likely to send back a meal at a restaurant? Me. But I don't send anything back. It really would have to be very bad. But I'd be more likely. Are you leaving reviews? No, never. I don't know the depths of a person who logs in. I can't even, they're logging in. The login alone, forgot password, go to the email, get the code. I, it bewilders. It's bad. It's really scary stuff. Who's more likely to plan a spontaneous date? Me. What is one of the most romantic things you've ever done for her? I don't know, we do so many romantic, we love to be romantic together. the most romantic thing?

1:20:35Or just like an example. It doesn't have to be the most. It's so tough to say. Let me think. Well, I know, but I do romantic things for her all the time. I mean, I drive home from shows and she likes high chews. So if I pick up gas, I go and I grab high chews and I bring her a snack. You're thoughtful. Or things like that. So there's small day to day and then there's the big grand. We go horseback riding. I booked us a beautiful, you know, I don't want to say the inn, but you know, they have this and that. So we do big and small romantic things all the time, I think. Who's more likely to pick a fight?

1:21:10Her. What is the dumbest thing you guys have ever argued over? Dumb things all the time. And we're over in two seconds. Something that Gab and I have in common, and this is back to the compatibility, none of us hold a grudge. We are ready in two seconds to kiss and sit on the couch together. It's the best thing. We're like, I was, you know, sorry. I was like, I'll be like, I was in a mood. kiss kiss we're back it's two seconds who's more dramatic i don't know maybe her but not by much okay who is more likely to spill a secret i think neither of us really of each other or just like if someone how about this we tell each other every i was gonna say are you the couple that's like if someone tells gabby a secret and they're like do not tell anyone she's like uh-huh no no she's your spouse guys don't you're not gonna come between my marriage it's like i signed this nda like she signed this NDA for traders or something one of the shows that she went on to she had to sign an NDA I'm not gonna know she won you think an NDA is gonna come between me and my wife are you out of your fucking mind are you out of your goddamn mind it's like we know we and we are NDA proof okay so you just need to know that industry studios NDA Gabby Wendy knows everything I know and I know everything she knows and that's the way it is I don't see how it could like I think um my husband i had this conversation with someone recently where we're like oh we know everything like we we tell each other everything and one of the couples was like what and we were like are we the weird ones or are they the weird ones and this is making me feel like they're the weird no they're the weird ones you know my friend uh ali and we debated this but she um she told me about somebody you know she told me about this you know love affair that she was having having um not an affair like cheating just a love affair she was having a romance um and she said but don't tell gab you know because gab might know the person or something like this so i said okay come on and especially fun tea like that i'm running bro i am running i am pedal to the metal I can't wait to tell her.

1:23:18And guess who's hooking up? I walk into the house. Guess who's hooking up? I mean, that's a joy. We have such small joys. Let's have joy while we can. It's just the best. A great new piping hot tea. You know I love my tea. When it's not also impacting your life. At all. So you can kind of just relish in it. And you know she told me. You know she's like, come on. Yeah, if you think that someone's not telling, their fucking partner i hate when someone says if i sell a friend and it's nothing to do with spousal telling or whatever i say don't tell anyone this and they go who am i going to tell i go what kind of a response is that i don't care i don't care even if you have no one to tell even if you're in jail cell i don't care no one i don't want to fathom who you have who you don't have i don't know your friends with this week and who you're not what kind of response that when somebody says don't tell anyone who am I going to tell I don't know that's not the response that you say you say don't tell anyone you go I will not I will not because you know what it is you're right and people have said that to me before now I'm like oh fuck have I ever said that to anyone it's almost like you're kind of already admitting guilt you're you're like who would I tell like I have no one to tell I don't know yeah you do there's always someone to tell someone else like who would and it's just not a relevant response to that it i i don't know how we got to that and that's gotta that's gotta go yeah because there's always someone to tell there's always someone to tell and and you may not have someone to tell today but you could tomorrow i don't care i have nothing to do i just said don't tell anyone i didn't ask who you have a comedy special called wake up currently out on netflix congratulations thank you i mean from the beginning of this you saying like i gave it six months i was gonna see people liked it i know i was good with my accounting position i know you know and now here you are on netflix how does that feel it's unreal i mean john mulaney who is one of the greatest stand-ups ever end of our time um you know called me out of the blue on this it's like and i i wasn't you know john mulaney's in a suit he's so polished you know that he would jive with someone like me but again it's about that compatibility you know he just was tremendous he put his weight behind me this is the fellas helping you want to be a good dude this is the way to fucking do it and he got it done and i showed up for him i said well i'm gonna bring all i can do is bring you an amazing hour of material i got you got me and i will not let you down and we went out there and we did our shit in one night were you nervous at all no i was i'm always nervous i mean when you ask me if i'm nervous i wake up nervous okay you know it's my baseline um but i it's also an excitement i'm very i know how to chat like i'm just always a little bit of a nervous person but especially nervous for this no it's always before i go on as soon as i get on stage i'm home i feel like all the lights it's just me and i traipse around like it's my living room.

1:26:33I feel so comfortable when it's all the beginning and the stuff around it. But as soon as they call me up and I got the mic and I know I, I have some stuff to say and everybody just sit the fuck down. We're going to get through it. I feel so at ease. It's almost like the talking to you or the small talk that I have to experience or the handshaking or the, or the small social gatherings that I'm more nervous than when I get onto that stage where I feel completely home. People go, did you get nervous finding out these big theaters? I was thinking the other week, I'm like, I think the bigger, the better.

1:27:07I feel amazing in these theaters. It's feeling so warm. It's feeling like an apartment I walked in, I turned the lights on and they work and the water is running hot and it's just a great spot. I'll take it. Everything I do, I just take seriously and I enjoy doing. So I'll continue. This is how I toil, basically, how I do stand up, I write and I act. And I'm continuing to do it on bigger and bigger scales. But within due time, you know, I'm working on my own show for HBO, obviously a dream, but it's not to say that my first part on Hacks wasn't a dream. They're all part of the dream. and they're all just, you know, snowballing into the, they're all just growing the dream.

1:27:53So it's all good. I'll be on tour. I love seeing you guys in these theaters. I've never felt more at home. And it's all sold out. I looked at your website. I know, and we're just dropping. When this comes out, I think, we're dropping the next, you know, swag two of the tour, so to speak. Congratulations. Yeah, thank you. So just doing, just, yeah, just, I live, again, one of the greatest lives. I'm building on my life with Gabby. And we just love it. So I really, I wish, yeah, I don't know how humble that sounds. I'm just really grateful and I'm really thrilled. Well, I think we can all agree you've done a wonderful job.

1:28:32I'm very, very nervous to be on this. Why? No, because I'm not so familiar. I have no clue what's going on. I think you've done an excellent job. They said you would ask pointed questions. I said, okay, I don't know if it's like, you know, who wants to be a millionaire? I'm like trying to get my facts. No, but they said, you know, she can she can be realized. OK, well, I'm going to you know, I can't say anything other than what I said. But also, like, I wanted to just have fun with you. You're a really entertaining person. I was excited to get to know you. I'm excited for my audience to continue to get to know you.

1:29:02I wanted to have a nice we're in May. You know, it's unreal. The weather's good. Yeah. Our feet are up. You're eating jelly beans. You finish your tea. You didn't drink the bag in front of me. and make me vomit. Look at this. See, this is all part of the dream, actually. We did it. See, I'm not upset with the other podcasts I've done. I'm just saying we're now on Call Her Daddy. That is all I'm saying. No, this was such a pleasure. You were so fun. Thank you. Your wife also was such an incredible host on our reality show. How good was she? I know. And people think I'm biased, but she's objectively good.

1:29:37I'm asking others. When I would get the cuts and I would see her sections, were like this woman's a star oh right because it was your that's true so i'm in post edit watching her and we're watching her different takes and i'm like how do you pick a take like every take was amazing get away because she was like she was saying some shit and thank god you guys let her get away i know her i said to everyone i said if this is our host you have to let her be gabby and let her do her thing because you can't dilute it to just for television make sure it's friendly like let Gabby rip because that is when she's at her best.

1:30:12I agree. And when she was calling people perverts, I was like, yes. They were perverts. You know, it's not, I wish they weren't. It's like people ask me, how do I come up with my ideas for comedy and why do I talk about pedophilia? I wish I didn't know pedophilia. I wish I didn't know it, fellas, but you have outdone yourselves and now it's in my head and I don't want it there. So I bring it to you. We got to talk about it. Robbie Hoffman on Instagram. We will be dropping the new dates. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming. Alex, for having me.

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